Frugal Parenting Mindset Shifts

Published Feb 10, 2023, 8:00 AM

How can we take care of our kids while also modeling the things that will be beneficial for our future lifestyle? It’s not easy to instill a frugal mindset while being a parent, as you will have to consider your children in every decision you make. This episode goes deep diving into the benefits of a frugal lifestyle and how we teach them to our kids. 

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Episode two eight three, Frugal Parenting Mindset Shifts. Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to save money, embrace simplicity rights, and live with your life. Here your host Jen and Jill Mmm, welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast. My name is Jen, my name is Jill, And this one's for the moms and the parents, and the parents which includes dad's yeah, and the dads. It is actually for moms and dads. But I'm a mom, and you can't see any other perspective than that. It's motherhood or die, mother Die. But I can understand why being a parent is. It's really hard to also combine that with a frugal mindset sometimes because when the when the frugal lifestyle converges and conflicts with our lives, it is so often in regards to our children. And as somebody who is about to have plural children, I really wanted to do this one as just as much for me as it is for other moms and dads trying to be frugal while raising children. And this is Jill. I don't have children, so I will be primarily an observer during this episode. No I have input. It's an interesting position to be in because I don't have my own children, so there are certain things that I will just steer clear of. But I am an observer of many many parents, and I think have a unique position where I can kind of see the way different things pan out for different approaches and techniques and personalities. I'll be gentle and i will be careful, but I've observed more parent friends than I do, so take her considerations with with to heart. I also have children that I love deeply, and I can understand the conflict you're describing. I see it with my nieces and nephews, where I have this thing of I don't want to give stuff, collect stuff, plastics out, and then all of a sudden, my brain gets taken over with love for children, and I think it equates to spending money and giving stuff, and it's It's had to be an ongoing mindset shift for me too, of how can I care for the kids in my life well while also modeling the things that I think are going to be healthy and beneficial for future lifestyle. So I feel like I can understand to like a smaller degree, and so I'm here for it. We're all here for it. Let's talk about this, okay, But first, this episode is brought to you by the Advertising Department. This is the Advertising departments semi annual reminder that you are awesome and we love you. Yes, you listening to this podcasting not a lucrative profession, podcasting about mindful spending and value even less lucrative, So we appreciate your grace and acceptance of advertising on Frugal Friends. It allows us to make this podcast instead of doing other stuff to make money and pay bills because Instagram followers don't pay bills. Though you'd be surprised by how many things Instagram followers can get that podcasters cannot. You need far fewer Instagram followers then four million podcasts downloads. It's it's fun, it's great. It's great. As a thank you for supporting us and the advertisers that align with your budgeted spending, the Advertising Department would like to gift you with a free three day spending makeover. By the end of this free three day challenge, you will find what you value spending money on, learn strategies for saying no to the things you don't, and create a plan for guilt free spending that won't leave you broke or mad at our advertisers. If that sounds like something you'd impulse spend on. Today had to Frugal Friends podcast dot com slash makeover to get started. Only it's free, so that's great. Um. I was practically biting my fingers and my nails watching you go through this. The sponsorship of the Advertising department, Oh struggles real. But we're so glad to be here, and we're glad you're here. And yes, thanks for putting up with the ads. And as a thank you, here's more free content. Yes, we can do that because of advertising and the Advertising department. Alright, Moms, Dad's future, mom's dads, parents, the children. Yeah, we have several episodes on mostly tips for raising children frugally. Uh so episode one two We've got Raising Babies Frugally, minimally and Sustainably with Chelsea Brennan um and then episode forty four Frugal Pregnancy and Parenting with a Frugal Friends favorite Mrs Frugal Woods. So mostly for younger kids. I know, we do get some requests for like teenage episodes. We're just we're gonna have to find somebody to take that on because neither of us have teenagers, so t B A to be announced when we have that one. But for now, this episode is really for parents with kids of any age, and so our first article that we're going to go into is really going to talk about the benefits of a frugal lifestyle for kids, because I think at our core, the reason I tend to overspend on my son the times I do it is because I think it's better for him. But I have to keep myself in check in knowing that spending more money on him is not what's better for him. It's something deeper, it's the deeper reason behind that purchase. And so this article really gets into some deeper reasons. What did you think? Great summary? I think it ties into what we've talked about even off the mic gen regarding what what is frugality like, we still have these conversations and what is the messaging that we're giving, And it really is a lifestyle. It's principles that we implement. It's not just about not spending. It's it's hardly about that. It's about spending well, it's about knowing the money that's coming in and going out. And so we're not describing that oh, forced scarcity is better for our children. It's more the principles and mindsets that go along with frugality that are going to benefit all aspects of ourselves and our kids. So not saying it's better to grow up with less money, We're not saying that at all. It's just how is the best way to go about utilizing implementing our resources that's going to be a good example for our children and is going to set them up well for adulthood, going to prepare them for whatever type of situation they may find themselves in financially. So I think as a whole, I love this perspective, and I think that this first article lays that out well. I appreciated so they go into five benefits of living a frugal lifestyle in the way that that impacts children. But I also appreciate their definition of frugality. We've got our own and it's fun to see other people. So how the way they describe this as that frugal living is spending less than you earn. It's knowing how much you spend each month, it's reducing waste spending lass might mean reducing debt and or increasing savings. So there's a lot of ways that we can look at this. This is their definition, and it's kind of how they're saying, if we implement this as a lifestyle, kids are going to see the benefit. And one of the first benefits that they highlight is less stuff means more opportunities for creativity. Now, less stuff, again doesn't mean scarcity, and they're not necessarily highlighting that either, but that with a frugal lifestyle there can be greater levels of contentment, less buying impulsively, less collecting things just because they're cheap, but being more intentional about the things that we purchase, potentially pairing that with a degree of minimalism, not just shoving the living room and kids bedrooms full of toys, but being more mindful and intentional about what's going to be most beneficial, what's going to spark them growing into their personalities and their likes and their skill sets and when they have And I've seen this too, so coming from both the clinical world and background of counseling families and children and kids of all ages and seeing my own friends, so both both ends of the spectrum. The ability to engage in creativity when there's not as much around this is particularly true for younger children. And I know this kind of pairs with like the Montessorian method and others like it, where if you give kids just the more minimal options, options are still good, but where their brains developmentally can take it in. What am I seeing and what is sparking curiosity for me? And can I give my attention to and be creative with? It's just really great for development and engaging with the world in a creative way. I know it's true for me too. When my desk is less cluttered, I am more able to engage in the task that's right in front of me. And I see it for people. You know, we only brought a coloring book and a train with us to hang out with somebody, and that might not be great for someone who's used to having a ton of stuff, But when we grow kids up with just a few things. I have seen it just personally observationally that the creativity of those kids, the ability to fill in the space not get bored as easily, is pretty profound. Yeah. And I think as a adults, we always say that frugality is getting creative and how you meet your needs, because so quickly we revert to I have a problem, What can I buy to fix it? Which is buying products and services to solve problems is not inherently bad. Again, we do not advocate for not spending money. What we want to do is create a mindset and a lifestyle where we first look to get creative in how can I meet this need without spending money, or how can I meet this need with spending as little money as possible? And if those you know two things don't pan out, then we go to purchasing the product or service at full price. But it is that little filter. And if we can instill that little filter in kids, then they are going to it's gonna be easy year for them to be creative in other places and so that they too, eventually will have those filters before they just jump to solving problems with money. So I love that one. I also love the second one, responsibility. So kids love to help, They love to be included, and it does not always help efficiently, but they love to help. And when you are doing things for yourself, it can be an opportunity for them to have opportunity to help you. So it just creates these organic instances. So like when you are meal prepping instead of eating out all the time. They see that and they this, my son does this, He's like, can I help? And I always give him a spoon, and his job is just to mix things, even if the thing doesn't need mixing, like that's just his job. So it can instill this sense of responsibility and then growing up to know like, this is what we do. This is what adults do, and it's not it's not a chore, it's just something that we do to live well. And engaging kids and what you're doing to their level of skill set and obviously including safety precautions in there. Also there's bonding that happens as we're working side by side with one another. There's life skills that they're gaining. When when you can start teaching a kid how to be in the kitchen or full laundry at three, four or five years old, that's going to be a benefit for them into adulthood. The understanding of the world around them, the skills that that produces, how that can then lend to their own discovery of what they enjoy doing and learn new hobbies or figure out even like what trajectory in life is going to look like for them. It's just really amazing when when it's not just all about the toys or the things, but just regular family life and what am I doing? What can you do side by side with me? The third thing on this list is enjoying simple pleasures. So obviously, when we're aimed at more simplicity, less stuff, a frugal lifestyle, maybe even a slower pace can be paired with that, then noticing the simple pleasures around us can be so fun. This is good for us to I know. We recently did a Juga episode which I think pairs well with this, where we're not onto the next thing or feeding our discontentment or feeling like we need the best, next shiny thing. And as we practice that, of course, all of these things that we're listing off need to be us in our own lives so that they can then be modeled and something that's inherited and engaged in from kids, the kids that are around us, whether we're parenting them or we're niece and nephewing them. I don't think that that's a verb, but I made it one. We get to engage and point out these these things around us, enjoy the simple things around us without spending money and again discover and learn new things as we're out in nature or in our homes, and we can ask questions, and we can be curious, and we can spark creativity and gosh, just all of this sounds so great. Yeah. I often think about this one in particular. I think with the description, you could also call this one like it teaches your kids what special is. When you have too much of something, it becomes ordinary, and then it becomes a lot harder to do special things. And so when we are in bracing simplicity, which does not mean embracing nothingness, it does mean it does not mean deprivation, because at that point an adult will rebel against like what you're instilling in them and just go to the complete other end. It's about, you know, six days of the week having these routines that embrace simplicity, so the seventh day you can have really special things. Uh. And the author uses the like strawberries. So if you ate strawberries every day, they would become a normal, ordinary part of your routine. But for them, they only eat strawberries when they are in season, so it is a seasonal treat and the kids look forward to picking strawberries from the fields and eating them, and they are there are things you can't have every day. It's not that they are deprived from having them at all, but it it teaches them how special things are um when they are not available to you every day. That is what I love. Fourth is it promoves a life of happiness. So happiness is debatable, but the article does say, according to research cited in the High Price of Materialism, the more materialistic young people are, the unhappier they are. And so I think we can all we've all, you know, witnessed some form of this, either with kids that we have grown up with or just people that we've seen as adults. But it's not always that way. There are kids that grow up with a lot that are still happy, but they have a lot of other support systems and mindsets in place behind that. So I think you can take the happiness with a grain of salt. I think frugality promotes intentionality with materials, and that is I think what's most important is whether you have the ability to have a lot or do not have the ability to have a lot. When you are intentional with what you do have, then you can really make those first three points work in your favor. Yeah, there's something I want to say about that, but I think it also blends in with number five, So I'll mention this and then we can weave it all together. But number five is delayed gratification, that when we lead a frugal lifestyle, we can learn the value of money, the importance of choosing mindfully the items we own, how to take pleasure from simple things, learning how to say no or yes but later kind of an idea, and be resourceful. Now, related to this and kind of what you're stating to about happiness is frugality isn't always about saying no. It's about saying yes to the things that we value and being mindful about the things that we purchased. So, yes, delayed gratification can be part of this, especially if we want a certain item, but we've set a budget for that thing, and so now we're being patient on when we can afford it, or we're saving up for that thing. So absolutely there's going to be delayed gratification in this journey and in this lifestyle. But I don't think it's just about deprivation. I don't want to set up this kind of mentality or ideology around we raise better kids with lower amounts of money or lesser It is more about what you highlighted gen of just intentionality and identifying our values and being really mindful about the way that we engage with our resources and engage with one another and giving space for each other. Because the things that you value as a parent might be different from the child, and how can we create space for them to grow into their value system and give space for them to engage in their resources in the same way that you are for yourself. I think one of the things that I notice a lot for parents, and the difficulty here is that is that holding the tension, because I think we all have examples of people that we've seen friends or other parents, who, yes, there is plenty, there's abundance, there is so so much, and there's the lack of mindfulness that can create the whatever idea of being spoiled or entitled that we might have in our minds. But then we've also got the examples where there's abundance and there's not that. But then you've got the other end of the spectrum of true poverty and people who are going without and maybe can barely pay their bills and end up coming out of those circumstances with an incredible mentality and resilience and strength. And so sometimes we can look at the one and say, oh, that's the answer, it's poverty. How do we get closest to just saying no to our kids all the time so that they can have character and grit as they grow up. And I don't think it's I don't think it's either, because we see great people come out of both scenarios, and so again that that holding the tension, that kind of radical middle. But I think that can be the toughest part, particularly for parents, because with any situation money included, we can look back to our own experiences and say, well, what didn't work for me, what did I wish was different as a child? Let me do the opposite for my kid. But at the end of the day, your kid is different from you, and you can probably even see that if you have siblings, of the things that I took away from growing up in my household is not the same thing that my siblings took away. So we could try and do the opposite for our kids, thinking I wish I had this, but our kids are different people and they're going to walk away with their own thing, and so, yeah, what what can be done? I think just modeling whatever is going to be best for you in walking out your own mindfulness and your own values and at least instilling that knowing that the choices they make out of the value their own values might look different from you. But I don't think the aim is either having a ton and let me just give my kid everything or let me deprive my kid of everything, because that's the secret to building character. I don't think it exists in either extreme, but being aware of both and trying to hold the tension there of how do I at least be mindful in the way that I'm modeling for my child, how I'm engaging with my resources. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes that's yes. See I told you Jill was going to bring a lot of good stuff to the parent I said, I'd be quiet, but you can't. You can't keep opinions and they're good ones, thanks j So okay, so this is really that, that's really the foundation shin for a frugal parenting mindset. Honestly, if we want to sum it up into one sentence, is it is somewhere in the radical middle right. It's not either or it's holding the tension between both sides, So like, how do we do that practically? And so that's kind of what this second article covers. It's called raising kids with Frugal Living, which I think is a grammatically makes me uncomfortable. That's the name that has an idea. I kind of like it, like raising you with their they're pandering to Google. If you see something on the Internet that makes you grammatically uncomfortable, it's probably because it's pandering to Google search engine. I just like, try to have better grammar. Like, so these five kind of tips go over how do we do it? And they're not like do this, do this, do this. It's it's kind of I think, how how do we hold that tension? I think it's tips for dat and I'm gonna let you finish, Jen. But I've got to say here at this juncture, we've used a lot of words already. But I think they summarized it so well in the beginning of this article when they said it's not about how much money you make, it's about how it's spent. If it's probably just a great summary for the last thirty minutes of conversation we've just had. You can be at any level of money, how are you spending it? What's that modeling to your child? And what will that produce an adulthood for them? Absolutely? Absolutely, So let's dive into these tips for raising frugal kids. Um, And the first one is to set an example a frugal living. And there is nothing more truer. And I wish this were untrue there, but there is nothing more truer. Then the phrase more is caught than taught. That's just it. That's just it. And and we don't we want to like do as I say, not as I do it. Zero percent of the time. I'm a lot more eloquent with my words than my actions. So this is not great for me. Yeah, no, zero percent of the time. Does that work? We have to be setting the example, and not only that, we have to let our kids in on the example. Being frugal cannot be a secret. Like in my house growing up, money was a secret. It was we don't let jen in on any conversation about money because that's not a kid thing. Well, when you're managing it well, when you're living frugally and you feel good about your finances, even if you're not like super you know, rich and whatever. When you feel good about your finances, tell your children. Tell your children. They need to know how to feel good in their finances, and they won't know how to do that unless they see it from you. We can complain all we want about how the public school system in the United States does not teach kids how to manage finances, and that's true, that's still a valid complaint. But also what about us at home modeling and teaching and filling in the gaps and showing, because ultimately that's a life skill, just like folding laundry and doing the dishes. If we're doing it well at home, we can bring them in on that. Yeah, And honestly, you don't really want the public school system responsible for your child's financial education because as you know, that curriculum is going to be sponsored by American Express Bank of America and they are going I mean probably not sponsored, but you you get what I'm saying, Like it's going to be created by people like that, not people like Jen and Jill, Like creating curriculum. Okay, that's doing your Your public school system is not going to ask us to create curriculum for your child school. They are going to ask, you know, an ex Bank of America exact, you know, something something like that. So and again, more is caught than taught. How much Spanish do you remember from your Spanish class in high school? You know, like less than I'd like? Right, more is caught than taught. That's it. How do I catch Spanish? You've got to live in a Spanish speaking country. Start making the plans. Now, all right too, that's a total side. What have you gotten from this episode? You can't teach Spanish, you got catch Spanish. Uh. Number two is teach what's important to your family. I love dish one. I kind of do, and I kind of don't. Actually, well I do, I do. Mostly we're talking. You're cute aggression faith, You got your like voice, You're cute aggression voice? Do I? Yeah? You just did that with this point. I don't. Yeah, there's so there is something that's adorable about this concept. Well we've got first, we've got a fir. That's true that the two can pair together. Well, cute aggression when you have it, you know it. That that is that's neither cotton nor taught. That's born in just a part of yourn and you yeah, So you first have to know what's important to you, and if you've been listening to the Frugal Friends for a while, you probably do. But we need to know what our values are, and that is going to be intricately hopefully connected to the way that we spend and we save, and then letting our kids in on that of here's what we value. Now, when I say I do, but I don't, I think what I can see a lot of times in families is this mantra of the family. These are the family values those who are really connected to that, But then that's to the absence of the individual values of each member. So I think if I were to express my own personal opinion and observation and perspective, is giving room for both what do we want to be about as a collective family unit, but also what's important to us each as individuals and how do we create space for that because I think sometimes there can be Again, this is my own observation, and I'm sure that there's a lot that goes into this, So take this with a grain of salt. But where parents can often view their kids as just like many them, sometimes to the exclusion of the child is becoming their own person and I can understand all the reasons that would blend into that, But where I think there can be space given for the child to come into their own personhood and what do they like and how do we give space even in the family budget, for them to pursue some of the things that they enjoy that might be valuable to them where it might not be valuable to mom and dad. But if we are instilling this idea of values based spending, can we give room for that of what is important to you, how do you want to engage with the limited resources that you have available to you, and give space for that to maybe be different from the values of mom and dad and maybe even adjacent to the family values. Maybe they fall right in line, and that's great too, But I like the idea of developing each person's value system and giving space for each one to learn what that means about how they engage with their resources. Yeah. Absolutely, And because your personal values are not the families values, you also probably have a partner, and you have at least one child, one small human being who is still figuring out their values, and their values will change so frequently, so just being aware of of what that is, and the values are not going to be like my child values efficiency and community, and still that's not going to be their values. Like my three year olds values right now are like trains, monster trucks, and pop patrol, like that's what he likes. But he does have values. He values other people for sure, like engaging with others and making others feel good about themselves like that it is there, yeah, yeah, But then sometimes he just doesn't want to talk to people, and he just wants to play with his toys. Like we'll go over to our friend's house, you know this Jill, and he's like, oh, I'm so excited to go to juden Ezra's. He doesn't give a crap about jude Ezra. He is excited to go over and play with their toys, specifically their Monster Innovation and Discovery. Listen, there's always a strength based way to be. Yes, there are standard values that age groups have, so that's really easy if you want to study any child psychology to see that. But also kind of simply knowing what your child likes so that you can have more room for to make things special. So like on that one day a week, maybe they get to do something special, like you found a patrol pillowcase and you're buy nothing group and you get to give that to them, or you get to go to Monster Jam, which is happening very soon for our son. Yes, I think Eric's going to join you, Oh my god. Uh So, so that's paying attention to what they like as kind of an easy way to figure out what they value. And uh but also know you don't have to do it all though, because I think that the other piece of like, well they're in the ballet and soccer and girl Scouts and cookie stuff. I don't know that. I guess that Scouts too, but like they don't have to do it all. And that's a part of that narrowing down the values of what do you want to give the best of your time, energy and attention to. And it will mean saying no to some stuff. We model that first not be buried and chaotic. Saying yes to everything means nothing is special. So we have to say no to some things so that the things we really want to be special are special. So that is probably that's the biggest takeaway on that. So the next one is to take your kids to the grocery store. You don't have to tell any family to do this, It's already happening. Well, okay, no, because I do Walmart grocery pickup, I don't take I take no one to the grocery store, not even miss because okay, here's the thing. This is where one of those like greater goods comes in. So yes, I could teach my son's stuff by taking him to the grocery store. That's a lot in a short amount of time. And it also opens me up to impulse spending. It just opens maybe some cans of worms that I don't want to deal with on a weekly basis. Right, So I've grocery shop online. I take no husban been, I take no child, I take no me. We stick to the we stick to the list. We get to do it. After Kay has gone to bed. I get to ask my husband, Hey, you want anything from the grocery store, and he's like no, I can't think of anything. I'm like, great, because if you went yourself, you'd find fifty dollars worth of things you need. So that's me. Yeah, I will. I will do the other stuff that I think is enough to instill frugality without putting myself at risk. It doesn't have to be the grocery store. There's other places where. But the idea of this is bring them into some of these daily life activities and opportunities to engage with money to help them learn the skill set. But I also think that there's an age appropriateness to this. Of course, this article is written just kids in general. I would say this is something to start considering at age eight, nine, ten and beyond, when there's not the possibility of tantrums in every aisle and you have to be super in tune with doing all of the object lessons while you're also just trying to figure out like whether you want romaine or iceberg this week. Like, there's opportunities to consider what's going to be best at each life stage. But I think especially as kids are older, more in control of themselves, their bodies and their emotions, and you're in you're starting before the grocery store. In my estimation, you're bringing them through the process of looking at the pantry, meal planning for the week, figuring out what ingredients you need, then setting the budget, then going to the grocery store. Like, I don't think it should start at the grocery store and I would say even older, like in high school, to start giving them like one week every quarter where they are planning the meal plan and they're checking the pantry and they're doing the grocery shopping. So not just trudging them along just you know, to let them see you use your cubans and YadA YadA, but to give them the responsibility of the grocery stores around responsibility that you have to learn before you go to college. And parents don't really think about that. They're like, oh, I've taken my kid to the grocery store their entire life. They'll be fine, But no, they don't know how to and even like the first few times they'll do this meal plan, they might not be able to handle it. Like you think you know something until you really get into it, and when you figure it out on your own, it's much harder and much more wasteful when you can do it in the home than it's a softer space to land when you fail. I've got a lot of friends whose kids are going off to college and they're just now realizing, oh man, I don't know how prepared they are. I don't know if they actually know how to cook or grocery shop or budget, and I'm concerned about them going they should probably just stay home and commute to a school nearby because I've I have not given them the life skills yet, so it's something to consider. I don't think it was intentional. It just as we're doing life or doing life. Oh no, you're about to leave the house. How do we play catch up? So I think it's something to put on the radar of all Right, if they were to have to live on their own, could they do it? What are the what are the final pieces they need to know? You can't stuff it all into the summer after between high school and college. Yeah, you can try, but okay, and then la is this the last? Last but not least? I think let them manage their own money. So this I think can start at any age. Of course, this plays into the concept of are we giving allowance and we're not giving an allowance? That is for each and every family to decide. But I think some level of opportunity, and this is what this article is explaining to the ability to learn how to spend, save, and give, and those are really three great categories. It's what we all engage in in adulthood. We can get deeper into the weeds of how that looks, but at age appropriate levels, how are we spending, saving, and giving? This could be available for people who do give allowances and those who don't. There could be family money or opportunity for them to just be a part of the budgeting process at various ages throughout life to learn how to manage money. How are we spending, how are we saving, how are we giving? And really that's how are you doing it? As a parent? Let them see that or figure out smaller ways that your kids can engage in that, because we really more is caught than taught. We really learn by doing as well. And so when the kids have the opportunity to hands on engage in something, even if it's more so in the sense of pen and paper or play money, that represents real money. However you want to do it. Letting them have an opportunity for hands on tangible experience is going to be the best thing for them as they moved through life. Absolutely, and there is one last thing on here. This will be like a funny story I have. The last one is opt for second hand stuff. So I went with my mom to a thrift store once and I don't know. I was in rare form. I refused to go into the thrift store. I did not want to go look at the thrift store. And it's partly because my mom shopped as a hobby, so it's not like we needed something. But again, when you're thrift ng and you're opting for a second hand, it is wise to sometimes just go and look to see if they have, you know, something on your list. But I just I sat in a hot car until I could not bear it anymore, and I walked inside. It was so long, and I think she just stayed in there to spite me. Um, and I stayed outside to spite her. And uh, now now look at me, now look at you. You only go second hand. It's funny. I had a similar perspective on the thrift store as well. My grandmother would always take me and I just thought it was gross and cheap. And I can't even totally remember because now I love it so much, But there was something in me that just repelled the thought. I guess being a middle child, I always got hand me downs, and I think it just felt like hand me downs on steroids, like it's just everyone's hand me downs now until until I started to manage my own money and I saw the value of it, and then obviously learning more about just the economics of things and waste and wanting to reduce There's many reasons to go second hand. But similarly I was not a fan initially. Yeah, I think I don't know if there's anything that could have fixed me on that, But I think something that I will do with my children is to show them that that cost like analysis of saying, Okay, this is what this would be if we bought it new, these are the prices, and then going to the thrift store and said, this is what this is second hand? Do we sacrifice quality do for the better price? And that's a valid question. Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. So to teach them that and say, okay, if we save fifty dollars by shopping at the thrift store for the things we needed, what can we do with that fifty dollars that is better? That is more in line with what you really love. And I think kids are are to an extent, they are just naturally materialistic, and so sometimes you do have to like give into that. I think I just wanted new for the you know, because I wanted to fit in and nobody else was buying used and so that was more important to me than the cost and having an extra fifty dollars. So sometimes you will get that and you have that's a value for your child, and that's hopefully not going to be their value forever, but that is a valid value that you have to respect, and especially if they're managing their own money, giving space for them to discover and decide for themselves. Absolutely. Yeah, So there are ways you can approach normalizing second hand, between having the conversation about sustainability, UH and cost and value. But then also it comes from the like the other side that if fitting in and all of that is of higher priority and they're still working, you know, we don't. We don't fully stop caring till our thirties, so they're still working up to that. You have to respect. That's true. That's so true. There's an age appropriateness to caring less. And it's good that they care in their teens and twenties because that's how you move through life, you know, how else we move through life, and is something that is so much more caught than it is taught. Thankfully, you all have caught on the bell of the week. That's right, it's time for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name is William. Maybe you paid off your mortgage, maybe your car died and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. That's bills, Buffalo bills, Bill Clint, this is the bill of the week. Hi, I just wanted to share with you guys, my personal bill of the week. I submitted an entry into a contest at my job um where you talk about a health journey that you have been on recently to get yourself into better health. I ended up winning the contest and the prize is free health insurance premiums for three So I'm very glad to not have that bill for the next year and I gets to take that money and invest it instead. That is such a great feeling. Wow wow, wow wow that How can I win? That? What a legitim And I thought you were going to say a fifty, which I would have been a hot please for that right, and you said healthcare premiums for the year, the entire year, And then how you're taking that money that you're saving that you would have spent on your health insurance premium and investing it. That is stacking, stacking it up, stacking up. The fall done, Hailey, and you're healthier in some way, shape or form. So win win win, killed in win, killed it, crushing it. They get better and better, But keep calling them in. If you have a bill, if you one contest and now you don't have to pay for your health insurance, and then you're investing that money, if you are stacking those bills of the week, or if you just are a person named Bill, you know it's it's a wide spectrum. Google Friends, podcast, dot com, slash Bill. Please please do leave us your bill. It doesn't have to top this one. It could top this one. But also just come at us, come talk to us. If you're Bill Curtis. And now it's time for p Today's lightning Round after I clean off my microphone. Yeah, give you time to do that. Uh is a frugal thing you learned from your parents that you still do today. And and Goldie found like this list from my old blog Modern Modern Frugality, And it's funny enough. It's one that I did not write. It was a guest post on my blog because I was like when I read this question. I was like, wait, I I wrote a blog on this, and you will see why that's funny later. Jill, what's a frugle thing you learned from your parents? Yeah? I think one of the biggest takeaways from my upbringing is to take care of stuff. My parents definitely had a high value for keeping their things in good condition, cleaning them, maintaining them so that you can experience longevity with the things that you've invested money into. I think that they did a really great job of that, and it's something that I see in myself as as I moved through life. Keeping my car clean and maintained and my home clean. It really does prolong the life of things when when we're maintaining things well. So I think, yeah, that's my takeaway. How about you. So my entire adult life has been pushing back on the cheap mindsets that my family perpetuated in my childhood, and that that's why it's funny that this is this was very hard for me to figure out. But and it's so it was this not like I know, some people rebel because their parents spent too much, got into debt, lived a lifestyle they couldn't afford that was not my experience. It was kind of the opposite is and not even out of not even out of intention. It wasn't even in the other extreme where it's like you get nothing. But it was just all in the moment thinking. There was no thinking about the future, no planning about the future. Nothing was that delayed gratification or um taught even talking about money or saving or thinking about spending. Shopping was a hobby. Um that that's just every Saturday. Mom got paid on Friday. We went shopping on Saturday. That was That was a thing. And so I would say, I think the biggest thing I learned that I still practice today is that you don't need a lot of space to be happy. That there can be. There are pros and cons to every type of upbringing, and and no parent will do it perfectly. You're just not going to do it. You're just not going to do it right. Like nine times out of ten, your your child will need therapy when they grow up. If nine out of ten of your adult friends need therapy, is a failure about Like we all that you don't want to miss out leads to talk, right, that's the whole thing. You don't want to mess up your kids, what is messing up? You know, Like even if they do a stint in county jail and need therapy, you still may not have messed up. So your kids are are their own people who are going to make their own decisions. So but I did learn that, Um, since we had a small house. I mean it's like we spent a lot of money on things that didn't matter, so we didn't have enough money for the things that would have really been memorable. But I still have like turned into a good human being. Yes, you are a good human being. So they did great in that regard, yes, yes, and they were you chose great. Yeah. So we lived in this small house that was very cluttered with a lot of stuff, but it was all cheap stuff, and it is the antithesis of everything I am about today, except for the fact that I still don't think you need a big house. Yeah, I'll agree with that. Yeah, you don't need four thousand square feet, Like even if you have four children. It's fine, it's great if you don't need it, if you want it, right, but you don't need it just because of what house hunters is telling you is in mm hmm. Yeah, So that's what I learned. That's great, Jen, thanks everyone for listening to us talk about our childhoods therapy after this one. But that's good. You just need to take place. This is the safe place to talk. Hopefully you all feel a degree of safety to explore your own Childhood's the way that impacts how you parent or engage with the kids around you. Some take away, that's what we hope for. Many of you also know that we have a membership for our listeners who are paying off debt, where we do monthly money challenges and we offer accountability groups, so opportunities to connect with other frugal friends, which is amazing and they're all awesome as you can imagine. We do want to today congratulate one of our members for a big win. This comes from Candice, who shared my goal for is to save five thousand dollars. I want an emergency fund, enough sentence. I started by opening an online savings accounts separate from my bank account and deposited two fifty dollars. Candice, you are well on your way to your goal and you can talk to your I think it's your daughter. I don't know how many kids you have, Candice, but you can talk about that and that, and you're doing so well. It's really should be a source of pride in excitement and that will really bounce off and and teach your child a lot. So congrats Candice, Well done, Candice, and thank you all for listening. If you want to check out our membership. If you've got goals, goals, you want to slice and dice and you to talk with other people about it, where there's also courses and interviews and challenges and more. Head to Frugal Friends podcast dot com slash club. You can check it out see if it's a good space for you and we'll see you next time. I Frugal Friends is produced by Eric Syrian. Oh Jen, wh Like, what's the one thing you want your children? Oh my gosh, because there's blural to take away from being raised by you and Travis, but you can only speak for yourself. Like if if your sons are older and there's like one thing you want them if they're like tell me about your mom, what's like the first thing you want to come out of their mouth? Oh my gosh, what an intense question. Well, I said, therapies. Therapy comes later and here it is so funny story They actually asked this at the gym, So they asked an icebreaker question right when the class starts, because there's always late people. So justin just started asking an icebreaker question instead of like waiting around for the late people. And this is one of the questions, right, I couldn't think of anything. I forget what I said if I did say anything, but the last guy to go, And the question was specifically, what did you learn from your parents? Like what's the biggest take like lesson you learn from your parents or you know. So this guy's answer, how to throw a good party. That's what he learned from his parents. Hey, how to throw a good party. If that's not strength space, I don't know what is of his parents, right, it's like a tell me more. Yeah, yeah, that's what I want to be known for, obviously hopefully not that I was, um not good at partying. You know, you don't want that to be the first thing that comes out of it. Right, tell me about your mom. She's not a party er, she's or she party is too hard. That's not but that to throw a good party. And that's but full disclosure. It's never going to be me because that's not my strong suit when we throw parties. It's Jill who too throws the party. But I thought that would be a great thing to be known if you are a really great at partying. But but in the best way, not in like the too far of a way, like yeah, you want Jen at your party, even if she's pregnant, she is good at it. Thank you so much for you're welcome. You're welcome. But I think what I is feasible that I would want my son to know that that I was there, that I was always there, not like it's a helicopter, right, he was always there, Like I was turned around and she was there looking at my eye. And that's part of the reason and the flexibility for the flexibility of like the lucrative career I have chosen, is flexibility to always be there things to our advertisers, the advertising department, Yeah, they're never going to feel like, I don't know, like you're available to me, like yeah, present for them when they need. Yeah. Interesting, So there we go. What do you want my kids to think about you? I did not see that one a man. I want the Smith boys to say a really good their mom's hot friend who threw all the great parties. Deal. Deal, she was just savage. She cared about us deeply, and she was savage. That's what it is. She cared about us deeply, and she was savage. That's what I want them to say. Deal, Okay,

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