Deinfluencing Yourself From Social Media with Paige Pritchard

Published Jan 2, 2024, 7:00 AM

Did you put "avoid any impulse spending" on your New Year’s resolution? Get on board as this episode shares ways to overcome overspending and curate a safe and healthy social media timeline for you! Hear from Jen and Jill, joined by Paige Pritchard, as they unravel the tricky world of social media, de-influencing, and spending mindsets.

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Episode three sixty eight Deinfluencing Yourself from social Media with Paige Prichard.

Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to save money, embrace simplicity and life. Here your hosts Jen and Jill.

Happy New Year and welcome to the Frugal Friends Podcast. My name is Jen, my name is Jill, And for our first episode of the year, our first episode of the year is always very special. We want to bring on somebody very special. And last year it was Kendra Adashi from The Lazy Genius. Definitely check out that one. And today it's Paige Pritchard from Overcoming Overspending And if you like us, you will love Paige's got the strongest BFF vibes from this interview, basically saying the same thing back and forth, and it was fantastic. And we're talking all about social media today. So social media is literally Paige and Jill and I have all the same feelings about spending, right, but Jill and I are not good at social media. Page on the other hand, has half a million followers on TikTok, like two hundred thousand on Instagram, like she is in social media, and so we're talking all about how can we stop overspending without totally erasing social media or like taking ourselves out of that ecosystem, because it can be very useful. And it was just a great conversation.

BFF vibes, but yet not entire echo chamber. Don't worry, just pondering with each other and sharing helpful insight. Honestly, again, some of it for us and for you, but mostly for us.

We learned a lot in the social media area, not just on how you can protect yourselves from impulse spending, but also how we as creators can be better, creators can create safer spaces on social media, and how you can identify creators who are safe spaces. So we're very excited for you to hear this one. We have several other fantastic episodes coming out in January. We love it, but you can just scroll back in our archives. We had some great episodes in December as well. A lot of you are here for the first time, and so we'll just let you know. Most of our episodes, we go to the internet, we search something that you are already searching. Our friend letter is our weekly newsletter, and we ask you, guys, what are you searching what do you want to know? We take to the Internet and we will tell you what the internet has to say and if it's fluff or if it's really good advice. And so every third episode we bring on somebody who is an expert in saving money or has a really cool financial story and we interview them and we try to learn more for you guys and introduce you to some cool creators in the process, like Paige, and she is a spending coach. I have been following her since since I started, like twenty sixteen, twenty seventeen. We have been creators come up in this industry together, and she's fantastic. She discovered her passion for helping women develop healthier spending habits through her own personal struggles of impulse shopping when at twenty two she blew through her sixty thousand dollars salary after graduating college and literally no bills, just blew through sixty thousand dollars. She's going to share that story with you, And so her story is slightly different from ours, who had to lean into frugality to pay off student loan debt, car loan debt, and so have we come to the same place from different experiences and so it's very cool. Again she's overcoming underscore overspending on TikTok and Instagram. I think there's an underscore and she just shares so many helpful tips to get control of your spending and we loved this interview with her.

But first, this episode is brought to you by doing the least. When laziness is welcomed and the most and more just doesn't make sense. Do the least, like when you have friends over and you only give them water, and even then you tell them to get it themselves, or when you have to drive out fores, but just eat the cereal and the milk that's in the fridge instead. Doing the least is really underrated. And when it comes to our money, who doesn't want to do the least? So join us in our laziness as we gain a fire money and partake in a very compelling challenge we're calling no Spend January. It's already January. If you're listening to this when this episode is released, you've caught us at a great time. We're not spending money this month. I mean we're still paying our bills and that sort of a thing. Each one of us is identifying where we are going to cut out spending so we can learn more about our spending habits and set a better trajectory for the rest of the year. So follow along in the friend letter, I Jill am writing about my experiences and giving you tips and tricks on how to do your own no spend January. Frugal friendspodcast dot com to get that friend letter. And Jen is doing something extra special. If you just want to watch her, just watch her. Uh follow us on Instagram Frugal Friends podcast also Modern Frugality. She's going to be doing the most deinfluencing in the doing the least kind of way by not spending money, so you should.

I will be posting every day on Instagram and TikTok same videos. Uh, just walking you through my experience with no spend January.

Yeah, but let's let okay, so do that. That'll be fun. And also queue up keep no keep keep, stay here, don't cue anything, stay here with us, and page Let's do it.

Paige, Welcome to the Frugal Friends Podcast.

We are so excited to have you. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to talk to y'all.

MM hmmmm. I love the word de influence. It's coming my new motto. I also really love this concept of spending as a skill, and you've really are an expert on this from personal experience to what you're doing currently. So just yeah, thanks for being here, Thanks for sharing your wisdom with our listeners.

Yeah, I'm so excited to talk to y'all.

It'll be good to talk to another like minded. We might just like geek out.

That's honestly, I love geeking out.

So okay, great, Well then we'll start. So you describe yourself as a former compulsive shopper, and we are literally a show for people who love shopping but want to feel good about their finances, and that might include shopping less. What was your like ahab moment that got you started down this path of overcoming the unhealthy portion of your shopping.

Yeah, well, I would say that my wake up moment.

I can kind of give a little more background in context to this, but I had my wake up moment, I will say at a very young age. I was twenty three when I had my wake up moment. I can share a little bit more of my story, and I know for a lot of people listening to this. They're like, well, that's great for you that you had your wake up moment at twenty three. Like I'm thirty three or forty three or fifty three, and I'm just now figuring this out. But really, my wake up moment came when I realized, essentially that I had impulse shopped my way through an entire year's salary. It was the year after I had graduated from college. I graduated from college in twenty eleven, and I actually ended up getting a job at a car dealership selling cars. And I took that job because it was the highest paying offer that I got out of undergrad. They were going to pay me sixty thousand dollars to sell cars for a year, and they were like, hey, we'll give you a Cadillac to drive, and we'll pay for your gas and your insurance and your cell phone bill. And I was like, well, yeah, that sounds that sounds great because I was also in forty thousand dollars of student loan debt. Like many people coming out of college nowadays having student loan debt, I also had no savings and I was moving back to the Dallas area for this job, which is where I grew up, and so my parents, well, I mean, my parents didn't offer this I asked them, but I was like, hey, listen, I'm going to be making this money.

I'm you know, I have this student loan debt. Can I live with you for.

A year and really make some good progress towards this debt and to saving up some money?

And my parents graciously let me do that.

And so when a lot of people hear me say, oh, I impul shopped my way through my entire salary, they think like, oh, well, you just spent your remaining discretionary income that you had after like you paid all your bills. And I'm like, well, I really didn't have bills. That's the thing, right, because many of the bills that like I'm responsible for now today I didn't have to worry about then because they were either being covered by my work or being covered from living at home with my parents' house. And I remember like going up to them all and spending my very first paycheck on a new corporate wardrobe because I really didn't have anything to wear to work, you know, coming out of being a college student.

And I remember being like, Okay, that's it. I'm done.

I'm not going to spend anymore. But I also remember almost kind of like the euphoria that I felt in that first shopping trip. And I think we're all around the same age, and so it's like we all kind of grew up, you know, nineties, early two thousands, like watching you know, like How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days and thirteen going on thirty and like Devil Wars Prada, and I mean, like for real, like I really did have this idea in my head of like Jennifer Garner's Closet and thirteen going on thirty and like thinking that like that's what life looked like, being like a corporate girl in the corporate world, like waking up and going into your job every day. I had that idea in my head. And I think it was also like a combination too. I think it was a combination of several things. I think it was like that a combination of just like being able to like walk into Nord Drums or like walk into an anthropology, and which I'd never been able to do or afford up until that point in my life, being able to walk in and be like I can shop here now, I can afford things now, like it was. It was a really kind of big boost to my ego and also as well, like shopping was my coping mechanism. I didn't really handle the transition from college to rural world super well, like going from like four years of independence to moving back home with my parents. I really missed my college friends. Me and my college boyfriend broke up. I very quickly realized that I didn't love selling cars shocker, and so it was like my escape during the day. It was like my one little like golden light in my day was being able to leave the dealership, go up to the mall and shop. And it really wasn't uncommon for me during that year just to like go up to the mall, go into Nords Drums, been in a republic wherever, and just very casually drop three, four or five hundred dollars on my lunch break.

And so that happened for a year.

I mean, shopping was like I shopped when I was happy, I shopped when I was sad. I shopped when I wanted to escape. I shopped when I wanted to celebrate something. So the end of that year came and my entire salary was in my closet most of the money that I spent was on clothes, shoes, handbags, jewelry, basically anything that I could wear. That was kind of like my vice, so to speak. And the end of that year came, my parents were like, it's time for you to go. And I couldn't even afford a security deposit to move out. And my parents are looking at me, like, what do you mean you can't move out? Like you've like we know your salary, we know what you make. You haven't had any bills or expenses, so like, what's what's the deal? Because it truly had gotten to a point where I was hiding my behavior from people, right like I would bring the shopping bags in when I knew my parents wouldn't see, or I would bring the packages in like when I knew they weren't home, And so I had to wait until like I kind of had to extend that timeline like a whole nother month just to earn a whole other month of income to even just.

Be able to afford the security deposit to move out.

And that was really kind of like my wake up moment again at the very young age of twenty three, which I feel very blessed that that happened at a young age, But that was kind of my moment where I was like, I can't keep doing this. I can't keep spending and shopping the way that I've been spending and shopping, or else I'm going to be broke for the rest of my life. And that kind of started my journey into kind of like learning about all things personal finance. But when I went out and I started looking for solutions to this problem, a lot of the solutions that I found just either didn't resonate with me because they were just coming from people that I couldn't relate to, like older men who were simply just telling me like unsubscribe for emails or delete your credit card auto film, and I was like, well, you obviously don't understand this problem I have because I don't even need to be getting the email at this point, Like I don't need the email. I'm just going to go up to the store. Deleting my credit card auto field doesn't help me because I know my credit cards by heart, like I can literally.

Just boo like put them in, you know what I mean.

And so it was like this advice isn't helpful to me, And also it was very surface level. It was very much so like wrap yourself in bubble wrap, go through the world, like try not to be exposed to all of these things that are like triggering you to spend and to shop. And you know, I was just like, I feel like this might be helpful in the beginning, but that's just not a long term solution for me. I can't like live my life this way for the rest of my life. So that's when I really like set out to find solutions to this problem that win a little deeper the internal drivers of why I was doing what I was doing, and of course also paired with the more black and white parts of money, because I mean, you guys know there's obviously a mathematical reality to our money always, but really kind of merging like the black and white numbers to the deeper, more internal mindset, emotion, behavioral components. And I would say, I mean, you guys, we were talking about this before we started recording.

We've all been in the money space for a really long time.

And when I first started talking about money, I would talk about anything and everything related to money. I mean, if it touched money, I would.

Talk about it.

But this issue of like spending, shopping, over spending, compulsive shopping, shopping addictions. It was the one issue that I felt like kept coming up over and over and over, but it was like happening in secret. It was like people would come to me, like they would DM me, or they would email me, or like it was never out in the open. It was like, hey, like I'm in ten thousand dollars worth of credit card debt because I shopped too much, or hey, I have all this debt that my partner doesn't know about.

Can you help me?

Because there's no one out here talking about this right Like it was like me, like I go to find solutions, and the solutions I'm finding aren't helping. And I would say within the last like which I know we're going to talk about social media a lot today, but I would say in the past like five years. I kind of call it like this perfect storm that's been brewing that's really brought this issue to a head. I think people have always struggled with this, but I think lately it has become a real issue for so many people. And I think that's because of technology, Like the rise in technology, so like just think about how much Amazon has changed our shopping habits in the last five years social media, because that's introduced just like a whole nother level of like transparency and comparison that we're now doing that we just didn't have access to before. And the pandemic is kind of the third one where we were all trapped at our houses, nowhere to go, nothing to do. We were all getting this, you know, all this money from our respective governments, and what did a lot of people do. They shopped, they spent, They got online, and they a bunch of they bought a bunch of things. So that was when I really saw this come to a head, and I was like, no one's talking about this. I don't feel like there's really any solutions out there that are truly helping people, and people are just ashamed to talk about this. And I had really gotten to a point at that point where I'm like, I'm not ashamed to talk about my story and share my story. So if I have to be the one that like goes through a brick wall, I'm happy to do that. And that was kind of the birth of Overcoming overspending About two years ago when I kind of saw this come to a head.

Oh man, page you are paintting we are.

I know.

I wish you could see the video through your podcast player, because Jill and I are like our heads are so like our next or store from nodding so much.

I also feel like you've painted such a beautiful, relatable picture here of just the story you're telling, of your real lived experience and your journey, so so helpful, and I think many of us, myself included, confine ourselves at different points in your story, probably on our own spectrum, certainly, but really at the core of this is how do I spend? Where can I go to learn how to spend better or know when not to spend when there is so much shame around it, when no one is talking about it, and especially when we're recognizing, ooh, but there's an actual problem here that's hurting me, hindering my next goal. And it's interesting for you to highlight this secrecy portion because it sounds like even before your total aha moment, there was this underlying realization that something's not quite right here before you were fully able to put a finger on it. So just even thinking about indicator signs for people and reaching that moment of pivot, I think that's just a helpful kind of symptom to be aware of. I also find it interesting how you're describing the influence that you saw in your childhood. I think we didn't grow up with social media in the way that it is today, but that doesn't mean that we lacked influence at the time, from the movies, commercials. I was hopped up on some commercials as a kid, and that defined what I wanted alongside my friends' houses, who I went to, and the toys that they had. And so we are all even if we even if we get off of social media, we're gonna be influenced. And I think we'll probably get to that. But you know, you're describing the things of our generation that influenced us and now the things just the ways in which that has ramped up. And I am curious, from your own perspective and experience, and of course your expertise in your own followers and people who are giving you feedback, what are you hearing and see about social media influence culture? How is this truly impacting people's finances?

Yeah, I think that.

Well, so I'll say this, I think that I am seeing kind of a wave that I feel like i've kind of noticed probably in the last like six to nine months of twenty twenty three, where I actually do feel like there is this wave of people that are kind of starting to like wake up a bit to the actual influence that social media is not only having on their lives but having on their bank accounts. I mean, I talk to people all day long, and I have a lot of women in my community where they tell.

Me, like, my vice is social media.

Like it feels like every single time I get on Instagram, I'm buying something. I'm buying something from somebody's Amazon storefront or like to know it page, or even just like clicking on an ad that would served to me from a company. But I will say this, so, I mean, it's without a doubt impacting people's bank accounts and spending habits.

I think part of.

It is because it is so savvy, Like it's so incredibly savvy. It's like you get on and then you get off thirty minutes later and you're like, wait, like what just happened?

Right?

Like like I got on to like check in with a couple of people, or like you know, see this or see that, and like I just bought like three things off of somebody's amaz.

On storefront, like whoa, how did that happen?

Right?

And that's the.

Tricky part is like it's so subtle, it's so savvy. Whether we're talking about like you getting served an ad where they literally just make it seamless of like you just have to click maybe like one to two buttons. Facebook has your credit card information stored? Instagram how's your credit card information stored? Or even just like the people that you follow? Now, I feel like what we're kind of start to see even within like influencer culture is it is starting to become more subtle, because I do think that people are waking up to it more and more and more. I do a lot of deinfluencing videos on my page, and I do see a lot of people who will say, like the second that I see somebody trying to like sell me something, or like the second that I see like brand partner or like hashtag ad, like, I'll immediately scroll because I just like, I just don't want to see that and I don't want to support it. And I think the influencers and the companies that work with these influencers are picking up on that and they're having to be more subtle, more savvy with the way that they're kind of like introducing these products to us. And so now it's like you'll see an influencer and you know she's talking about like the little pack that she keeps in her car that has all of her hand sanitizers and this and that and whatever, or you know, like the little stuffed animal that she just bought for her son, or this like coffee creamer that she puts in her coffee every morning, and then it's all very subtle of like and if you want any of this, it's all linked to my Amazon storefront. And it's like, oh, so it's like no brand is like basically saying to them, like, hey, we're going to pay you x amount to like promote our products. But it's more so kind of like affiliate marketing. Now that I feel like like people are doing that just becomes becomes more subtle. But I will say too, I do think that there is a wave of people that are waking up to it and our kind of being like social media is just turning into one giant ad, right. And in a lot of my videos, I will say this, it's it's funny like in a lot of the de influencing videos that I'll do. I'll say, like, chances are when you scroll away from this video, the next video that you're going to get served is either going to be an AD or it's going to be like something with like a TikTok shop or something like that.

And it's so funny the amount.

Of people that will like scroll away from one of my videos and have it be exactly that, have it be an AD or something, and then they'll come back to my video and comment be like, you were right, Like I scrolled away and it was it was an ad for this or it was an ad for that. So it's just it's everywhere now across Facebook, YouTube, Instagram. TikTok, I feel like is a huge one, Like TikTok shop now is probably the one that's I feel like been launched in the probably the past like three or four months.

But if you're not.

Conscious about it, if you just go and you do the doom scrolling, the mindless scrolling, it can be so easy just to get sucked into this consumption vortex that we're all kind of like faced with all day, every day, no matter where we turn, right, So it's definitely impacting people's bank accounts. Of course, I don't really think that that's like a surprise to anyone, but I will say I do think like it's encouraging for me to say and for me to see that.

I do feel like a lot of people.

Are really kind of getting to a point where they're like, this is getting to be kind ofdiculous.

Oh, this is such a conundrum page. And I'm a little bit chuckling internally right now because we are literally about to have an ad break in this podcast episode. It's like we recognize the issue, and yet the issue persists everywhere, and especially for like, if I can just speak a little bit from the other side of things as an influencer, which I would prefer to deinfluence. I really don't like social media, but if we want to be putting out free content for our listeners, for our followers, then kind of the only other way to go is to look into advertising money in order to sustain, in order to be able to create these things that don't cost the consumer any money, like to get our content. Of course, they may choose to go by but I think I think what I'm hearing from you and after the ad break won't get into more of it too.

I'm sure I love how this is.

I know it really is eyes wide open, and I think, like, I'm not ashamed to identify it, because I do kind of I want to joke about it. I also want to acknowledge it. I want to speak to it. I want to give some of our reasonings for doing it. But eyes wide open, Like, if we go on to social media, we know we're going to be seeing ads, and what are we there for? And how do we want to arm ourselves? You pull up a podcast episode and if they've been doing it for two plus years, chances are they're trying to find ways to make money off of it. So whether you're paying to listen to it or you're paying because you're listening to an ad, but eyes wide open, you choose, You then need to know what you're doing when you're actually pulling out your credit card because we are also going to spend, and so do we want to spend on that thing? Yeah? These are This is a conundrum though, Like I'm hearing what you're saying and I'm like, yeah, yeah, as a consumer, and then I'm also like, oh no, I'm about to write a timestamp for an ad break.

It's it's such trust me, it's such a conundrum, Like for for me too, write like you know, it's like I have a podcast of my own and I've myself I've been grappling with like do I monetize it? Do I bring ads on? Like doing doing brand deals right? You know, like talking about like my favorite financial products, Like you know, it's like the app that I used to budget or the bank account or like you know, like the banks that I use or who I invest with, like things like that. It's like it's like how do you how do you kind of like mesh mesh these two worlds. But I think your point, Jill is like spot on, it's like just going into it with eyes wide open, because I think it's like understanding it's like social media for most people that you're consuming content from, if you're consuming a podcast or somebody's YouTube channel or even somebody's Instagram page. It's like for a lot of people, that is their job, it is their source of income.

They have to monetize it in some way.

But going into it with eyes wide open and just realizing that and just saying like just because this influencer has this, just because they're telling me.

That it's a that it's a must have or just because they're obsessed.

With it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to be obsessed with it or that I necessarily need it.

But you're so right.

I I grapple. I grapple with the same things. For for me, it's it's tricky, it's hard.

Well, here we go, keep your eyes open and now for an AD break.

And now for an AD break.

Thank you for listening for that from that word from our sponsor, Oh wow, But I mean yeah, Like, I think the big question is like how how do you use social media and keep it a safe space for yourself? Or like what what do you can you use the like not trick the algorith but train the algorithm to serve you stuff that is more of the de influencing is more positive money message, get away from the the manipulative influencers. Because I still, like I love, like I've just had my second baby, I'm rediscovering clothing that is notggings and T shirts, and so I'm like following these like these mid size mom fashion influencers and like I they serve a purpose for me, Like I really want to follow them but I also want to protect myself.

Yeah, you know, totally, so totally.

How do we create this safe space? And even if you have tips for us as we like go through posting on social media, because that's also somewhere we want to be, because we want to be where people are, Like, how do we how do we make it a safe space for ourselves? And how can our creators that we follow make it a safe space for the followers.

Yeah, I feel like this word can be overused sometimes, but I'm going to go ahead and use it. But I feel like to your point, you can, actually you can absolutely make your social media like an intentional space for you that does serve the purpose that you want it to serve for you, like exactly what you were saying, Jen, It's like, and I'm totally with you, and I want to make this point clear. It's it's not bad to buy things on social media that you see that you're like, oh, yes, this would clearly add value to me in this way, or this would solve this problem for me in some way. For me, I think that it's really kind of like the mindset behind the spending and the intention behind the spending that really kind of differentiates like the type of spending that you're doing. But let's just kind of start with a couple practical things and then we can like go a little deeper, but practically to your point, right, I think making sure that you're following.

People who make you feel good, like if your fallow.

And I know that sounds like very very obvious, but I think it's like kind of wild how many people that a lot of us actually follow that don't make us feel good, or if you consistently find like every time I see this person's post, it brings up like this feeling in me that I don't like or I end up buying, Like I'm noticing that I buy a lot of things from them that I don't end up liking that I don't end up using, like start paying attention to patterns like that. And I'm really big on having just as many people in your social media presence or feed that are going to help your finances versus kind of like draining your finances, so to speak. And it doesn't mean it has to be like you unfollow every single influencer out there, because to your point, like I do think that there is a value in following a lot of them, but have that balance there, right, have that balance of like am I following people who help my bank account, who increase my net worth? Whether it's like they're inspiring me, they're educating me, they're teaching me how to implement like behaviors and habits into my daily life that are making my finances improve and making them better. I also think too, like tell the algorithm like what you like and what you want to see, and I know that that definitely.

Scrolls things, slows things.

Down in your scroll, like when you have to just get out of that like boom boom boom, and you actually have to stop and like hit those three little buttons and like tell Instagram like I like this, I don't like this.

I don't want to see this ad again.

Like please don't like I'm going to like mute this person for a certain period of time. But I think that's kind of what you were saying, Jen, is like you can tell the algorithm what you want to see based off what you think is helping you versus hurting you. And I understand that that obviously takes some time, but again, that makes social media such more of a place, like like just a more intentional place for you, and I'm really big too. Like one of my big sayings is like using social media for inspiration versus influence. When I think of like the difference between those two words, Like when I think of like influence, I think of I need to go out and create a carbon copy of this person's life, right like this girl has I'm just gonna think of like a random thing, like this girl's fridge looks a certain way. She has all the containers and all the clear things and the bins to put everything, and like, I need to make my fridge look exactly like that. So I'm gonna go to her Amazon storefront and I'm gonna buy all the bins that she has linked and the egg holder she has linked and the little labels like and I'm gonna.

Make my fridge look exactly like hers.

Or I'm gonna go and make my wardrobe look exactly like this person's wardrobe.

That's influence. It's it's just like copy paste.

Right.

Inspiration is digging a little deeper, like from the surface level of like the actual products, like the specific products and saying what am I really after here, Like I'm after having a fridge that feels a little cleaner that feels a little more organized. Like when I open up my fridge, I can see all the food that I have. It makes me feel good. It doesn't give me anxiety. When I open up my fridge, I'm not having to like dig through stuff to get to what I need. Like, that's truly what I'm after. So how can I create that a maybe using things that I already have?

Ding ding ding ding ding.

Yeah, right, Like.

That's first and foremost, Like how can I create Like how can I give myself that feeling or give myself that experience with things that I already have or not not necessarily needing to like go out and buy like you know, the container store containers. Maybe I just like pop up to the dollar store and like see what I can find at the dollar store so that I'm not completely breaking the budget. Because that's this is like a little side tangent. But also please remember that most of these things that you're seeing, most of these like aspirational things that you're seeing on social media, like somebody's desks, somebody's fridge, somebody's pantry, they didn't have to pay for all that, right, The container store just sent them those containers. And said, hey, organize your fridge with all of these and make it look really nice and really pretty, so they're not actually having to go and spend their money on those things.

They in most cases they were sent a lot of that for free.

Again, it's not bad to spend money, but it's like when you're over spending, when you're when you're putting yourself into debt, when you're putting your yourself in a position where you're having to sacrifice other long term financial goals to go out make your fridge look a certain way. It's kind of like, Okay, that's kind of when we know we've kind of reached the point of like this is kind of getting to a point where it's unhealthy. So approaching social media from that lens of inspiration versus influence, And a question I always ask myself is is like what am I really after here? I'm after like, let's go back to your wardrobe, gen, because I'm I'm in the same spot right like I'm postpartum bodies very different, I have a closet full of clothes that doesn't fit me anymore, And asking myself the question like what am I really really after here?

What I'm really after is like.

Feeling more confident, feeling like myself again, putting clothes on that like fit my body that I don't feel self conscious in. And so it's like that's what I'm truly after, And there's one hundred different ways that I could give that to myself versus just being like I'm going to go buy everything that she has, right, So, inspiration over influence. Now, I know I've been talking for a while, but this second part of your question where you said, like, how how is creators or you know, content creators or you know, business owners or whatever. Can we be more conscious of this one big thing that I see and this just kind of take this and like spin it. For things to look out for is just be conscious of the way that you talk, and also be conscious of like if you're a listener and you're a consumer of social media, just be really conscious when you hear people use this like really polarizing language like I'm.

Obsessed with this, you have to have this, this is a must have.

Run don't walk, you know, just like using like that sort of language that like honestly like evokes like this sense of like urgency and scarcity where it just feels like it feels like you get on social media and it's like your blood pressure goes up, like your heart starts to like beat fast, because it's like every post it's people like you have to have this, you need this, don't walk Oh my god, like get it before it sells out. And then you get off and you're like, ah, like I just I feel like I'm just like run a marathon, Like this is crazy. So it's just like be really conscious, like when you hear people use that language, you actually have to like calm.

Your brain down, like calm your brain down.

When you feel your brain kind of like activate and you almost feel like this like physical reaction, like your heart starts beating faster.

It just kind of feels like you get this like jolt.

In your body, like be conscious of that, be conscious of like what's happening, and giving your space like a cool off period to be like okay, like this actually isn't as urgent as this person is like trying to make me see that it is. And it's like it makes sense why they're doing that, because of course they want you to buy their stuff. But there's nothing that you have to have. There's there's no such like I've heard people say this lately. There's no such thing as like an Amazon must have. It's like unless they're trying to sell you like shelter water, basic food, or basic clothing, Like there's no such thing as an Amazon.

Cars, right, So feeling like hun days or something, just.

Paying attention to the language that people use, and I think like all of us can be conscious about that as well, Like when we're also talking about things, it's like, you don't have to have this, you don't need it, You'll be okay without it. But here's why I like it and why you might like it as well.

So except for a high yield savings account, like I don't walk thinking.

About that, Jill, I literally my head out, like, oh my gosh, I have I think I'm going to do a real one run don't walk.

The cool thing about that is that it doesn't cost money, right, So that's for everybody that's free, totally impulse open.

A don't think about it, just open it up. I approve it, do it before you think better.

I approve that what I am approving of of page is everything. But also I love this very tethered, radical middle of you don't have to completely get off Instagram because you can't trust yourself. Now, that's of course, every individual is different, and maybe a break is what some people need, but there is no longevity in extremes, and we're all going to find ourselves back there. So that that old advice of just stop, just tie your hands behind your back, I just I think it lacks so much empowerment and understanding of our ability to bear influence on ourselves to make informed decisions. I don't think we have to be so scared of ourselves. But there are things we can put in place that can help us, because we will kind of take the path of least resistance if not thinking about it, we will one click by if we're half asleep and we came here for entertainment, we didn't even realize that what we're actually doing is shopping. I think there are things that we can shift, and I really appreciate your encouragement, and I'm just highlighting it essentially because I think so often what I would expect to hear is just get off of it entirely, and it's so wild and extreme and it's unrealistic for the day and age that we're living in. But there are some really beautiful tangible skills that we can hone and things we can be doing that you have cued us into that I think can be really helpful for the person who is finding themselves not just overspending, certainly spending on things that they don't want to be spending on, but also, as you've highlighted, experiencing just maybe a lack of gratitude or feeling depleted or down or discontent as a result of just being on social media, and who knows what that leads to even outside of it, even if I don't click with the influencer saying what am I going to choose for my next vacation or how I choose to self soothe if I'm following people who are not making me feel great inside myself. So just this is my long amen to what you're describing here, But I do want to ask one final question to you on this route. Are there any additional or specific tips that you would give to somebody who is seeing Yeah that those are really great tips for kind of like your your average spender, But for me, I am I'm a TikTok made me buy everything, and this is my number one pitfall is I'm scrolling all the time, and I'm buying like for the person who's saying this is my main reason for overspending and I'm feeling shame and secrecy around it. Are there specific social media tips that you're going to give to them.

Yeah, So I'll tell you a couple of things for me that I've done. So I think, first of all, like one of the most helpful things that you can do is realize that your spending habits and spending is a skill, right, And I think that this is like one of the biggest mindset shifts that I always want all of you to have, Like in the foundation when you're on social media scrolling. I always say, like we tend to think about like there's certain silos of money that I feel like we kind of understand that, like, oh, I need to learn how to do that, Like that's just not something that I should like know how to do. I think investing is a really good example of that, right, or maybe even like budgeting, we think like, oh, well, I need to learn how to buy I need to learn how to invest spending. I always say, we kind of think about spending the way we think about breathing, in that like we just come into the world and we just inherently know how to breathe. No one has to teach you how to breathe. You just start breathing. And that's kind of how we think about spending money. We think like, oh, you just make money and you just spend it like this is just something that I should know how to do, and because I should know how to do it, I should be good at it. So then we think, well, I'm not good at it. To your point, Jill, every time I get on TikTok, I'm buying something, which must just mean that this is just something that I'm like inherently bad at and.

I will be forever.

When you can actually realize two things. A, this is a skill, which means that it's something that I have to learn how to do and it's something that I can get better at. And B this is simply just a habit that I've formed. Right, This is just a habit loop that my brain has fallen into. Right, It's just like the queue is like I get on TikTok, I see something that I want to buy, I go and I buy it. When you view it as this is just a habit that I've been doing, and it's also a skill that I can get better at. I think that that's one of the most important places to start always because if you do not realize those two things, you will never change your behavior around spending. And that's like one thing with spending, I call it like you're spending self concept where.

We, like all of us do this. We assume our.

Spending habits as a part of our identity and as a part of our personality. Like we don't say this in a lot of other parts of money. We're not like, oh, I'm a budgeter, I'm an investor, right, Like I mean, like some people like Wall Street bros. Might say that or like whatever, but we view it as like, no, this is just something that I do, Like I budget, I invest. With spending, we're like I'm a shopper, I'm an impulse spender, I'm an overspender. Like it just becomes this like ingrained part of your identity and personality and you're never going to be able to like out run or outwork your self concept. So you always have to start there. And like that's why I'm really big on like whatever it is that we're talking about going deeper and evaluating like what is my spending self concept?

Like, do I.

Truly believe that this is a behavior that I can change? Am I committed to changing this behavior and habit? And once we kind of get to that point, then I think we can get to a point where we do start to put more like tactical kind of measures in place. So I'll just tell you a couple of things for me that really really helped me curb spending on social media. I think that it's absolutely okay to almost set like what I call financial boundaries for yourself. And one of my financial boundaries that has helped my spending habits a lot is I do not buy things on my phone. Like if I'm going to buy something, I have to either buy it in person or I buy it on my desktop computer. I found that for me it was just too easy, Like this is what I was saying, Like the marketers and the retailers have simply just made it too easy and too same list for you to just go click click click on your phone, Boom, sixty seconds, You've just.

Spent fifty dollars.

So a couple of tactical things is like one I just make a rule for myself that I just hold myself to I don't buy things on my phone. Another thing that I do that actually really does help me a lot is when I do see something on social media that I want to buy, which happens to me all the time.

Of course, like it does to all of us.

What I will do is I will take a screenshot of whatever it is, and I have an album on my phone that's called Things I Want to Buy, and I will add that screenshot to my Things I Want to Buy album.

And then when I.

Do get back to my computer, I use a tool called like the Things I Want to Buy List, which is just a running list of everything that I want to buy in the future, and I keep that in Notion. Notion is just kind of like an organizational kind of like tool that you can use to organize your life. Really it's free. You just create an account. You can use Notion for a lot of things. But I keep mine in Notion and then I'll just like sit down maybe like once or twice a week, and I'll kind of go through that album and I'll add things to my Things I Want to Buy list, and doing that does a couple of things. It's kind of like a double whammy, which is why I really really love that tool, because you have to understand that when you're in that habit of seeing something on social media like see it, want it, buy it, really all you're after in that moment is you're really just after like a feel good.

Hit of dopamine.

And I think if you really slow down like in the moment, what you'll typically realize is I'm mostly doing this because it's fun and it feels good, and I'm much less focused on like the actual thing that I'm buying. And that's why for a lot of you, it probably feels like you might have this observation about yourself for like a lot of the things you buy on social media, like once you actually get them, you're kind of like it's cool, but you know, I'm definitely not as excited about it like as I was when I first saw it and when I clicked that buy button.

That's really what you.

Want, is you want that feel good hit of dopamine. The Things I Want to Buy List gives you that because really dopamine, like scientists call it like the anticipation molecule, which means that most of it is released in anticipation of the thing that you want. So that's why I'm such a proponent of waiting and delaying gratification with your purchases, because I know a lot of us have gotten out of the habit of delaying.

Gratification with our purchases.

But when you can do it and practice it, you will actually realize, like, oh, this actually feels so much better to me than getting the thing that I want.

Right away, because the best that.

Anything is ever going to feel is like the period of time leading up to the purchase and then when you make the purchase, and like a very short period of time after you've made the purchase. As soon as you make a purchase, that purchase immediately starts to depreciate, like mentally and emotionally, right like immediately. It's like once you get that hit of dopamine and you've hit that buy button, It's like it's immediately going to start going down. That's why, like you get so excited about a purchase and then like two weeks later, you've like completely forgotten about it, and you're like, I can't, like two weeks ago, I was so excited for this thing, and now I like haven't given it a second thought in you know, a week. So when you can add things to your things I want to buy list, it one gives your brain that cool off period, because when you see something that you want to buy, it's like the pleasure systems and your brain are activated. You start to get your brain start to get flooded with dopamine. Your brain goes from being in a very logical state of mind to a very emotional state of mind. And the emotional state of mind like your caveman, your lizard brain, the part of your brain that just wants the dopamine hit. That's not the place that we really want to be making purchasing decisions from, because again it's only after doing what feels good, not about making aligned purchases. So when you can add something to that list, it gives your brain a cool off period, and when you get to add it to the list, it also does give you that opamine hit because it's like you getting to relish in that anticipation of the purchase. So if you can just do two things, like well, I guess just one thing, right, one easy thing that all of us can start doing is starting a things I want to buy list and telling yourself like I'm I'm always going to give myself.

I think seventy two hours is a good rule of thumb.

But if that even seems too long to you at this point, give yourself twenty four hours, Like just start a role with yourself to say, I'm always going to give myself at least twenty four hours to kind of like sit with a purchase on social media, because even for me, I would say, like half the stuff that goes onto my things I want to buy list, I don't end up buying because after amount of time, I'm like okay, like I'm my brain got a little hyper about this, and I'm fine and I'm moving on from it. So that's definitely a more like tactical thing just starting starting that and something that I do. And then if you want to kind of think about some financial boundaries to put in place, maybe you do what I do and you say like I'm not going to spend any money on.

My phone or I mean there's tons of stuff that you could.

There's like there's app blockers, there's website blockers. But I'm with you, Jill, I don't think that the goal is to say like I'm never going to get on social media ever again.

Like if it's a part of your life.

Like I know, some people can cut it out completely, but being honest, it's just a huge part of our world now. And the goal isn't to completely cut yourself off from your triggers. The goal is to evolve so that you can be exposed to your triggers and behave.

In a different way than you've behaved before. That's the goal.

A men, Amen, Amen, And this is why I'm so excited to have you on page because you're literally the only other person besides the two of us that talks about spending as a skill in this way and learning how to do it well instead of avoiding the things that could cause potential problems and limiting ourselves in that way. And it's so refreshing. Do you hear somebody else say it too?

But do you know what it does give us? The dopamine hit that we want through the entire time, anticipation, the actual act, the follow through. It delivers hard and.

Strong, and even going throughout my day, I'm still feeling the dopamine.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

It's time for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name is Williams. Maybe you've paid off your mortgage, maybe your car died and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. That's bills, Buffalo bills, Bill Clinton. This is the Bill of the Week page.

Every week we invite our listeners and our guests to share with us their bill for the week, and we would love to hear.

Yours great question. So, Okay, I thought about this.

I actually I want to share something that I recently started doing that I'm actually really enjoying spending my money on. Like every time I spend my money on this, I'm like, yes, like this is a bill that I'm very happy to pay every single month. I know we've been talking about deinfluencing this entire episode, so again, eyes wide open here, everybody. But something that I recently started using was newly. Have you guys done like the clothing rental? Like I know, Jen, we were talking about like clothing it's kind of like rent rent the runway, but they send you like six clothing pieces every single month. But I recently started doing it, and I'm really really enjoying it because, like we were saying, Jen, I'm postpartum. Body looks a lot different now postpartum than it was before I had my daughter, And it's been really fun because you can just try like a bunch of different styles and sizes and like see what you like.

So I've really been enjoying that.

And every every month when like I spend money on it, like it always feels really good to me, I'm like.

Yes, like.

We love that. That's the thing. I'm never not gonna spend. We're going to spend, and we all have to clothe ourselves. That isn't essential. How we do that can look a variety of different ways. But I think something that feels like it's serving you, it's helping you, really zero in on what looks good on me now, what is my style at this stage and season of life. And I've set this money aside. I'm doing this intentionally. This is really enjoyable for me, Like we're here for that. And I think that's why it's worth identifying people that you follow that you do also trust, because I want to hear recommendations from friends, Like if there's a problem to be solved and it's important enough to me, I will pay for efficiency. I want to know what works because I don't want to be spending on this time and time and time and time again. I want to find the thing. I want multiple voices to tell me that this is going to be the thing that's helpful for me. Like there are situations where I want to know, I want the reference, I want the referral. Yeah, And I want to be able to spend on the things that are valuable to me, so I know, and I.

Will I will say this too, Right, Like spending money on it's like almost like spending money that ultimately ends up like saving you more because I truly feel like ever since I've started doing that, I'm actually spending less money on clothing, right because it's like I'm I'm almost getting to like spend my money and get pieces of clothing that I know that a year from now I'm probably not going to love as much as I love them now, right, But it's like I get to wear them for a month and then I get to send it back. And so when I do buy a piece of clothing now that I'm doing this, I'm really a value waiting it through, Like is this something that I'm really going to love like for two three plus years? Like more of like my staples, It's like those are the things that I'll buy and spend money on, and then I get to do like the more like fun trendy things that I'm like I hear from now, I probably won't love this as much like I get to do that through through it, so I feel like it's actually saving me a lot of money too, which is kind of cool.

That's so fun. If you all listening want to submit your bill, if it has to do with something that you're just really enjoying to spend money on, you don't mind that someone influenced you to buy something, then then tell us about it. Or if you you've got a bill about being incredibly deinfluenced, uninterested, not spending your money on social media, we're also here for that for girlfriendspodcast dot com slash bill can't wait to hear it. And now it's time for.

Around Pew.

So today's lightning round a social media influencer you swear by or I was also thinking about this. I think I have a question that I have a better answer for. What's a social media ad that you got that was just unhinged?

Oh? I like that question better. We're going to do.

That page you can answer each Okay, Yeah, so I feel like I don't know if you feel this way, Jen, but like I feel like once you get pregnant and the internet like finds out that you're pregnant, Yes, it's like the amount of ads that you get for like baby stuff and motherhood stuff, it's like it's wild. But like I will say, like the ads that prey on your fear as a mom, like those those are like the worst to me because I'm like, well, I was having a great until I had to watch this video of this little baby choking on something. And now I feel like I need to buy this like three hundred dollars choking device so that my daughter doesn't choke and die. But it's like I feel like ads like that that I'm just like that was intense, Like that was really really intense, like for me to have to sit here and like.

Watch like somebody's home video footage of that happening. So like it's like when you become a mom in the internet like finds out that you're pregnant, it's just like the amount of ads that you get for like mom stuff and it's all based on like being a good mom and praying on your fears.

It's crazy, but it unhinged.

It's it is unhinged for sure, because your hormones are already crazy. You're not thinking straight and there's no way to think completely straight. You're just like at in a season where you're not like able to fully process.

Yeah, it's crazy.

Worst, What about you? John?

So?

I was served an ad this is and I actually posted it on TikTok too, But it was for a human sized like a dog bed or a cat bed like I don't know what type of bed it was meant to be, but it was meant to be like some sort of animal bed for humans.

That was it.

That was so you could pretend to be an animal in this bed.

Yes, you could put it on your floor and sleep in it. And I'm trying to find the the screenshot of it, but I probably believe it.

Probably. I'll tell you why, Jen All you're talking about putting kai on the floor or an animals not like an animal in the night. They're just like eat up a bed on the floor.

A viable option for having your child sleep in your room, but not in your bed.

Well, getting that at there we go.

It's called floor bed and there you go, right, it's not I didn't come up with it, y'all. I didn't come up with it. Okay, here's the technique.

You can't.

I know you you listening won't be able to see it. But like I post now, it's gonna go through the whole SpongeBob thing posted. It doesn't mean but it's this, like.

I don't know if you can really see it that it's okay for humans. Yeah, the world we live in is.

So is an animal bed for humans? Just a bed? Did you see?

That's think of a dog bed, but big enough for a human.

Mm hmm.

That's a floor bed like.

Floor bed, way better in bed, nicer than Kay's flour bed.

I'll be honest, wow, Jill, Okay, not gonna lie you guys. This is one of the things that I pride myself in is how little the internet actually knows about me. And really, I shouldn't be bragging and I shouldn't be proud of this, because what it actually indicates is how awful I am at understanding how to navigate social media. I was late to the game and getting a smartphone late to the game in everything, just late to the game. So I'm still understanding and learning, like how to use my phone how to use social media, and so as a result, I get the most wild ads and I don't really want to change it. I don't want social media to know more about me, but they do not have me locked down yet. One of my recent ads that feels unhinged to me because it is not anywhere close to anything I would ever be interested in purchasing is metal. Nope, sorry wrong start Wooden bats hollowed out like bats like the sport baseball baseball bats, ye, wooden hollowed out like cut in half and hollowed out with then engravings of different baseball teams wooden engravings or like seared with fire into the wooden baseball bat of like the Dodgers. Are they a baseball team? Yeah? I don't know. I only know because of this ad. Are the Dodgers at baseball team? Did the ad get it? I don't know, but it was like, you can get your own hollowed out wooden baseball bat beer stein engraved with your baseball team of choosing. Well, there that's a thing you could buy. Well, you did go to.

Another game once, you did go to that baseball game that one time.

So they want to sell me golf polos they wanted to sell me wallets like made of steel that you could run over with your truck. I don't have a truck. I have a scooter.

You did look at a truck on the street one time?

These it they all feel so unhinged to me. People are talking about these ads that they're seeing on their Instagram. I'm like, I don't think I get ads, and they're all like, there is no way Instagram is only made of ads. So then I'm like, all right, I'm gonna go to Instagram and try and find the ads. I'm like, oh, this is why, because I'm just like not paying attention to beer Stine.

Just telling you all these things that like you didn't even know exists that now.

You're like, oh I need that now.

Oh yeah, that is I need a wallet that can be run over by a truck and be fine, right because.

I hate it every time I run over my wallet with my truck. All of the plastic such a nick cards flex.

So yeah, try my try my trick. Try my trick where you have no idea how social media works, so you don't even know how to train the algorithm, and then the algorithm tries to sell you stuff You one hundred percent won't buy I'm valid.

That's gonna be valid for part of our audience. I think like you're actually going to be giving usable tips. So that's amazing. Paige, You're amazing. Thank you so much for coming on. I know everyone's going to want to get more from you, So where would you like them to get more from you?

Probably the easiest place to get plugged in, so you know, to go with the conversation social media. So my handles on Instagram and TikTok are at Overcoming, Underscore Overspending. I also have a podcast, so obviously you're here you really like podcast. If you want another money podcast in addition to this amazing one to add up into your lineup. My podcast is called The Money Love Podcast, and I do have If this is something that you're like, I definitely need to work on my spending habits if you know that, like outflow is your problem, Like once you get the money, you're like, I get the money, and then that's kind of where things start to like go awry. That's obviously where my work is and where I come in. I have a monthly membership that's called Overcoming Overspending, where you come in you get my entire process that I teach. I have a three phase process, and then you also get monthly live coaching with me. We do a ton of live coaching. We meet ten to twelve times every single month. We meet two to three times a week on Zoom where you can come and get coaching from me and get community and support and accountability from all the other people in the group. So you can join us at Overcoming Overspending if you would like to check that out and try it out for a month.

Awesome thank you page, thanks for being here.

Thanks ladies, this was fun.

I thoroughly enjoyed talking about social media with Paige and I love so it's a love hate relationship with social media, right, I'm sure everybody can say that. And so to figure out these healthy routines, healthier habits, to really take advantage of the beauty of social media and protect ourselves from some of the dangers of it. I think that's the radical middle of social media.

And this was a.

Conversation I'm really glad that we had.

I really did expect her to say something along the lines of just get off of social media. It's not good for you, and that can be a journey some people take, but usually there's not much longevity in that, and so better to just get more in touch with ourselves, our habits, our triggers, find better coping skills, understanding you name it. And I also love that there are people out there that we can choose to follow and curate our online experience in a way that isn't going to hurt us in the short term or long term. Like what we're doing this whole month, every single day, you can follow frugle Friend's podcast. We won't be selling you anything, We're going to be encouraging you not to buy anything. So if that sounds like what you need Frugal Friends podcast, We're here for you on Instagram.

Yes, thank you so much for listening and follow hellowing along with our no spend challenges on the friend letter and on social media. If this has been helpful, If no Spend January ends up helping you in any way, please consider leaving a rating or review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or both. We love reading them like this one from Kamalita Pinta entertaining and inspiring. Jen and Jill are lighthearted, realistic, down to earth, and so helpful. In introducing the basics of frugality to every kind of situation. Even when they talk about familiar concepts, I'm still inspired to thrive in a frugal mindset. Highly recommend.

Ooh, that was a good one. Thank you so much for leaving that review. I like what you said about familiar concepts because, yeah, we can't reinvent everything. Some things we do try and reinvent, but some things are just going to be familiar, but they still need to be oftentimes repeated again and again. So we're glad to create a spicy, fun spin on that. So thank you and for the rest of you listening. If you haven't left a review or rating, and you've been listening to us for a while, that would be so so kind of you to leave that rating again. It helps others be able to know what this podcast is about and discern if it's going to be right for them.

Yes, thank you so much. We'll see you next time.

Rugal Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni.

I gotta admit, Jen, I watch mostly funny things on my Instagram. I probably should curate it to be a little bit more educational bye, but I go there to laugh. I pretty much scroll until I laugh, and then once I've gotten at least one laugh, then I'll move on.

Ah, and you send me here's the thing, you send me these videos. So yesterday when you sent me that one about the the Kardashians the iPad, I went to that creator's profile and all of the videos are then just recreating Kardashian things, and I don't I've never watched the Kardashians, so I don't understand the jokes, but they are funny. And one was that he had a headache, and this was totally this was actually just a total like bizarre moment outside of any of the funny things that the other videos have. And he was like, I have uh, I had a health scare. And then the dramatic music plays and everyone's like, oh my gosh, and he's like, I had a headache yesterday. And then the one girl is like she she's like a headache, and then it cuts to him in the like talking to the camera and he's like it started as a headache and progressed to levitation. The short clip of him like levitating like he's possessed, and it was just so bizarre, unexpected. I died, Yeah, I died.

It's a good one. I have been following that one for a while, but when it crossed over into this whole dramatic scene about buying an iPad, it was perfect for U Jen because you just bought an iPad, and for anyone who's listened to I forget what episode it was, but it was like you confessing to me that you had bought an iPad on the business card and you wanted to tell me while we were still recording because it felt safer to you then if you would have just told me off off the pod and so I oh, it felt like a perfect one. If anyone is still with us as like, who is this Instagram handle? It's Bowmanizer like boh man iSER and an i z er real fun one definitely does these like riffs off of the Kardashians, and it's very funny.

Yeah, I appreciate your research in this field. It benefits everyone else.

You would have no idea what I actually enjoy or do with my life. It's just a lot of comedy in my Instagram.

Yes,

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