I record this podcast on Gaetigul Country. I'd like to pay my respect to the traditional.

I record this podcast on Gaetigul Country. I'd like to pay my respect to the traditional.

Custodians and I'm recording on Urando Country, part of the cooler Nation. Let's go.

Custodians and I'm recording on Urando Country, part of the cooler Nation. Let's go.

I know you're gonna dig this. It's like I've been given like an extra sprinkle of something.

I know you're gonna dig this. It's like I've been given like an extra sprinkle of something.

You've got layers, Yeah, I got layers. I was just thinking, I'm like, we're just such beautiful storytellers.

You've got layers, Yeah, I got layers. I was just thinking, I'm like, we're just such beautiful storytellers.

You're making a lot of sense to that girl. No, I'm done.

You're making a lot of sense to that girl. No, I'm done.

Let's I've been too honest to go. It's Valentine's this week and we've got a really exciting episode. Today. We've got a special guest called Trudy Gilbert. She's Australia's millionaire matchmaker. As someone who's been very single and struggled with relationships the last three years my own fault. I'm really excited about this episode. I'm really feeling the love this year in Valentine's Day as previous episodes not so much. So I'm really excited, Maddie, welcome Truty so much.

Let's I've been too honest to go. It's Valentine's this week and we've got a really exciting episode. Today. We've got a special guest called Trudy Gilbert. She's Australia's millionaire matchmaker. As someone who's been very single and struggled with relationships the last three years my own fault. I'm really excited about this episode. I'm really feeling the love this year in Valentine's Day as previous episodes not so much. So I'm really excited, Maddie, welcome Truty so much.

H wow, I'm truly I mean Brook, you just mentioned you are alone. Maybe you are the reason you are alone.

H wow, I'm truly I mean Brook, you just mentioned you are alone. Maybe you are the reason you are alone.

Thank you, thank you. That was very smooth, by the way.

Thank you, thank you. That was very smooth, by the way.

I love a segue. But welcome to first things First, it's such an honor to have you in studio. We have a million and one questions for you, but let's kick off with the book You Are the Reason You Are Alone.

I love a segue. But welcome to first things First, it's such an honor to have you in studio. We have a million and one questions for you, but let's kick off with the book You Are the Reason You Are Alone.

It is that touching itself. Wow.

It is that touching itself. Wow.

Yeah, it could be polarizing, but also an eye catcher.

Yeah, it could be polarizing, but also an eye catcher.

Yes, very clive right now.

Yes, very clive right now.

Yeah, Look, the book is really confronting, and I wanted it to be that way. There's a method behind the madness. So over the last twenty years, I've been introducing singles and when I speak to people, there seems to be this common belief that love is this magical, mystical thing that will just happen to you, that you'll walk around the corner, you'll bump into the one, you'll live happily ever after, and everything will be fine. But things couldn't be further from the truth. So, you know, in today's modern dating culture are fueled by dating apps, the immediacy of social media, the instant gratification that we face on websites like Amazon and Timu. We're being conditioned to feel that love should be immediate and effortless, and it's really dangerous. You know, we have this mindset of like, well, if something doesn't work immediately, then it must be wrong. And this is so dangerous because it's making people feel stuck. And look, it's convenient, isn't it. It's convenient to think that love is this thing that's out of your control, that's out of your hands, so that you feel that you can absolve yourself from any kind of responsibility to it. You know, it's easy to blame things like, oh, I've had bad luck, or I focused on my career, or it's just been bad timing, whatever it is that you want to tell yourself as to why you haven't found that person, But you're avoiding the reality and the truth, which is you are the common denominator in all of those experiences, and so why haven't things worked? And I wrote this book as a wake up call to kind of tell people, listen, don't live in a fantasy. Don't live in this Hollywood Disney movie where you think that things are just gonna happen for you. You can take ownership of your love life. You can make it happen. There are things that you can do to fast track the process. And when people start taking responsibility, stop blaming circumstances. That's when real change can happen. So my book has these proven practical strategies about how to shift your mindset, how to take action and find love because happiness in love isn't something that just falls into your lap. You can create it and it's easier than you think once you take the first step to actually embrace responsibility and your part in the process.

Yeah, Look, the book is really confronting, and I wanted it to be that way. There's a method behind the madness. So over the last twenty years, I've been introducing singles and when I speak to people, there seems to be this common belief that love is this magical, mystical thing that will just happen to you, that you'll walk around the corner, you'll bump into the one, you'll live happily ever after, and everything will be fine. But things couldn't be further from the truth. So, you know, in today's modern dating culture are fueled by dating apps, the immediacy of social media, the instant gratification that we face on websites like Amazon and Timu. We're being conditioned to feel that love should be immediate and effortless, and it's really dangerous. You know, we have this mindset of like, well, if something doesn't work immediately, then it must be wrong. And this is so dangerous because it's making people feel stuck. And look, it's convenient, isn't it. It's convenient to think that love is this thing that's out of your control, that's out of your hands, so that you feel that you can absolve yourself from any kind of responsibility to it. You know, it's easy to blame things like, oh, I've had bad luck, or I focused on my career, or it's just been bad timing, whatever it is that you want to tell yourself as to why you haven't found that person, But you're avoiding the reality and the truth, which is you are the common denominator in all of those experiences, and so why haven't things worked? And I wrote this book as a wake up call to kind of tell people, listen, don't live in a fantasy. Don't live in this Hollywood Disney movie where you think that things are just gonna happen for you. You can take ownership of your love life. You can make it happen. There are things that you can do to fast track the process. And when people start taking responsibility, stop blaming circumstances. That's when real change can happen. So my book has these proven practical strategies about how to shift your mindset, how to take action and find love because happiness in love isn't something that just falls into your lap. You can create it and it's easier than you think once you take the first step to actually embrace responsibility and your part in the process.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow, I love that. You're a straight shooter. You're like, you know what, you have to look at yourself. You're a common denominator in all of these I suppose failed attempts at love. What is it about yourself? I think that's a such an eye open up for people in relationships. People's looking for love because I think you're right. These days people just give up quickly. They just go, you know what, that didn't match my puzzle perfectly, that piece, and so I'm going to chuck you in the bin. I'm going to look for another one.

Wow, I love that. You're a straight shooter. You're like, you know what, you have to look at yourself. You're a common denominator in all of these I suppose failed attempts at love. What is it about yourself? I think that's a such an eye open up for people in relationships. People's looking for love because I think you're right. These days people just give up quickly. They just go, you know what, that didn't match my puzzle perfectly, that piece, and so I'm going to chuck you in the bin. I'm going to look for another one.

I'm exhibit A of that.

I'm exhibit A of that.

And I wasn't going to say anything.

And I wasn't going to say anything.

No, I am very guilty of this truty. I've been on those love reality TV shows. I live in that fucking fantasy and it had been for a very long time, because I guess I am one that, you know, just kind of manifested or you know, use these fake things on TV what I saw or what it should look like, because I didn't know what love was like at home. Maybe I'm not too sure. I haven't really psychoanalyzed myself in that sense, but I have realized that the love that I have with my dad is unconditional, and that's kind of the love that I will hope that one day that I'll have. But I'm guilty of this. Maddie knows. This is that if someone does something that I just don't feel like it's doesn't really fit, I don't want to have to, like guess like train them, and I kind of be a little bit dismissive. And I know that I'm like, I need to work on that.

No, I am very guilty of this truty. I've been on those love reality TV shows. I live in that fucking fantasy and it had been for a very long time, because I guess I am one that, you know, just kind of manifested or you know, use these fake things on TV what I saw or what it should look like, because I didn't know what love was like at home. Maybe I'm not too sure. I haven't really psychoanalyzed myself in that sense, but I have realized that the love that I have with my dad is unconditional, and that's kind of the love that I will hope that one day that I'll have. But I'm guilty of this. Maddie knows. This is that if someone does something that I just don't feel like it's doesn't really fit, I don't want to have to, like guess like train them, and I kind of be a little bit dismissive. And I know that I'm like, I need to work on that.

Yeah, you exit quickly, I.

Yeah, you exit quickly, I.

Do, Okay, So there's a lot of things that I want to address there. First of all, the system is broken, so it's not your fault for dismissing relationships really quickly. As I said before, we have this mindset that, well, if it's not great, you know, I'll just go back to the apps and see who else is out there. There's this concept of an endless sea of suitors. You know, you go on a date, it was nice, but it didn't rock your world. Oh let me go see who else is there, because there might be someone better. This disposable dating mindset is really dangerous because it takes time to fall in love. Twenty years ago, thirty years ago. You know, you would meet people at university, you would hang out, friendships would develop, and then you would fall in love. You know, that's a really great path for a relationship to develop, not this instant way of assessing people going out on a date, having a long checklist, going oh, would you match me? You know. It's like people are in such a rush to get from the dating phase to the relationship phase, and they want without getting to taking the time. Because people are so judgmental, the apps force us to make these snap judgments based on very little information. It's an addiction that the dating apps are just like a poker machine. They get a dopamine. Every time you get a swipe, you go back to see if you can get another one, and at the end of the day you end up feeling empty because you're not getting what you came for. And it's not your fault. You're using a broken system.

Do, Okay, So there's a lot of things that I want to address there. First of all, the system is broken, so it's not your fault for dismissing relationships really quickly. As I said before, we have this mindset that, well, if it's not great, you know, I'll just go back to the apps and see who else is out there. There's this concept of an endless sea of suitors. You know, you go on a date, it was nice, but it didn't rock your world. Oh let me go see who else is there, because there might be someone better. This disposable dating mindset is really dangerous because it takes time to fall in love. Twenty years ago, thirty years ago. You know, you would meet people at university, you would hang out, friendships would develop, and then you would fall in love. You know, that's a really great path for a relationship to develop, not this instant way of assessing people going out on a date, having a long checklist, going oh, would you match me? You know. It's like people are in such a rush to get from the dating phase to the relationship phase, and they want without getting to taking the time. Because people are so judgmental, the apps force us to make these snap judgments based on very little information. It's an addiction that the dating apps are just like a poker machine. They get a dopamine. Every time you get a swipe, you go back to see if you can get another one, and at the end of the day you end up feeling empty because you're not getting what you came for. And it's not your fault. You're using a broken system.

You know.

You know.

The first dating app will was Grinder, which was a geolocation based app for men money promiscuous.

The first dating app will was Grinder, which was a geolocation based app for men money promiscuous.

And he knows the sound too well too.

And he knows the sound too well too.

Yes the Grinder, Okay, yes, So it's based on a hookup culture. And if you're one of the very few that actually happened to find a relationship on an app, like the five to ten percent of couples that actually do meet on an app, well then you're incredibly lucky because it's like your mission statements are world apart. The app wants to keep you there and keep you single because they make money from you, but you want to get off and actually find someone.

Yes the Grinder, Okay, yes, So it's based on a hookup culture. And if you're one of the very few that actually happened to find a relationship on an app, like the five to ten percent of couples that actually do meet on an app, well then you're incredibly lucky because it's like your mission statements are world apart. The app wants to keep you there and keep you single because they make money from you, but you want to get off and actually find someone.

Isn't that so true? I mean it's almost like they're trying to make themselves redundant, but not really.

Isn't that so true? I mean it's almost like they're trying to make themselves redundant, but not really.

You know.

You know.

It's like their whole concept is that we're trying to find everyone love. But if they found everyone loved, then the app wouldn't be what it is, So it's right.

It's like their whole concept is that we're trying to find everyone love. But if they found everyone loved, then the app wouldn't be what it is, So it's right.

I mean, Hinge's slogan is designed to be deleted, but they're just telling you that it's not because once you actually are in a relationship on Hinge, I've had friends that have told me this, they still get sent emails of hey, you've got five matches, you know, check them out. Even when you've paused the app because you want to pursue a relationship, They'll still law you and tempt you back here.

I mean, Hinge's slogan is designed to be deleted, but they're just telling you that it's not because once you actually are in a relationship on Hinge, I've had friends that have told me this, they still get sent emails of hey, you've got five matches, you know, check them out. Even when you've paused the app because you want to pursue a relationship, They'll still law you and tempt you back here.

Hey, would you like a side chick? Yeah?

Hey, would you like a side chick? Yeah?

Literally, hey, come over there, because they make money from you.

Literally, hey, come over there, because they make money from you.

Totally I'm guilty of that. Well, I must admit. Look, I'm not an a a data I never went through the cycle of dating constantly or went through a phase where I went on men dates. I was always a relationship person. So I had a relationship for six years with somebody I got out of that relationship. I was single for two years, played the field a bit, you know, went on the dating apps and had a look. But I never dated much. And then now I've been another relationship for long term. So I don't have much experience in the dating world. But one question that I have, what are some of the common factors for failed relationships that you've seen in your career?

Totally I'm guilty of that. Well, I must admit. Look, I'm not an a a data I never went through the cycle of dating constantly or went through a phase where I went on men dates. I was always a relationship person. So I had a relationship for six years with somebody I got out of that relationship. I was single for two years, played the field a bit, you know, went on the dating apps and had a look. But I never dated much. And then now I've been another relationship for long term. So I don't have much experience in the dating world. But one question that I have, what are some of the common factors for failed relationships that you've seen in your career?

Great question. So, firstly, people are not curious enough. They're not turning up and really wanting to get to know the person. And curiosity is the beginning of any kind of connection. You know, you want to sit down and get to know the person, find out what you have in common, because the goal of a first date is just to get to a second date. It's not to have a complete assessment of where the person's going in life. To have asked them all these questions so that you can then you know, grade them and understand whether or not you know they're going to be a potential for you. Because it takes time, people unfold slowly, you know, you get to know them over time that you might have had work colleagues here that you didn't like, you know when you first started, and then over time you get to know them and they become friends. Right, it's the same way in love. We're in such a rush to make a diagnosis. So I would say to people, you've got to get curious, and then you've got to be playful, be fun, you know, have fun, laugh. You want to make the person feel great in your company so that they walk away going I had a great time. I want to see them again.

Great question. So, firstly, people are not curious enough. They're not turning up and really wanting to get to know the person. And curiosity is the beginning of any kind of connection. You know, you want to sit down and get to know the person, find out what you have in common, because the goal of a first date is just to get to a second date. It's not to have a complete assessment of where the person's going in life. To have asked them all these questions so that you can then you know, grade them and understand whether or not you know they're going to be a potential for you. Because it takes time, people unfold slowly, you know, you get to know them over time that you might have had work colleagues here that you didn't like, you know when you first started, and then over time you get to know them and they become friends. Right, it's the same way in love. We're in such a rush to make a diagnosis. So I would say to people, you've got to get curious, and then you've got to be playful, be fun, you know, have fun, laugh. You want to make the person feel great in your company so that they walk away going I had a great time. I want to see them again.

That's one of your sayings, brook Like, it's be curious, not judgmental. But are you doing that on dates? And are you doing that?

That's one of your sayings, brook Like, it's be curious, not judgmental. But are you doing that on dates? And are you doing that?

Do do that I watched Ted Lassaho and I love this, and I I've always been a very curious person, Like I'm always so inquisitive. That's my like, I don't know. I think when I was younger, I just asked why so many times, So I have no problem with that. I think I do fall hard and I do fall easily.

Do do that I watched Ted Lassaho and I love this, and I I've always been a very curious person, Like I'm always so inquisitive. That's my like, I don't know. I think when I was younger, I just asked why so many times, So I have no problem with that. I think I do fall hard and I do fall easily.

And I shouldn't laugh because that's maybe being judgmental.

And I shouldn't laugh because that's maybe being judgmental.

Yes, you are being sudg mental because.

Yes, you are being sudg mental because.

Maybe judging a little bit. I'm going to take that, take that laughter and shove it up my ass. Yeah.

Maybe judging a little bit. I'm going to take that, take that laughter and shove it up my ass. Yeah.

Yeah, No, there's so much love here, I think. I mean, I learned off a TV show. There's just this one scenario where he says, if you lead with curiosity, you don't lead with judgment, and if you're not judging, you open yourself up to so many different things. But if you lead with judgment, you are like just creating that like one pathway, and you are closing yourself off. And I've always done that with like work, personal life. My dad is the best example of curiosity because he just asks so many questions and everyone that meets him, he's just like the best little human, best big human. Actually, he's really tall but he just he's so curious about the world, and I watch him and I analyze him in such a way that I want to be like him, and I just wish that other people were curious about my life. But the thing is, and this is the biggest problem I have sometimes is that people can google me and they can find out all of his stuff. And I love when I meet someone and they're like, I've not googled or touched anything that you've written or said or been on because I don't want to know that version. I want to know you for face value. And those people are being the ones that I've genuinely been in a relationship with because they got to know me for me. So I love that. I think we aren't curious enough. And I think that's like the biggest advice someone could take on and I definitely take that on.

Yeah, No, there's so much love here, I think. I mean, I learned off a TV show. There's just this one scenario where he says, if you lead with curiosity, you don't lead with judgment, and if you're not judging, you open yourself up to so many different things. But if you lead with judgment, you are like just creating that like one pathway, and you are closing yourself off. And I've always done that with like work, personal life. My dad is the best example of curiosity because he just asks so many questions and everyone that meets him, he's just like the best little human, best big human. Actually, he's really tall but he just he's so curious about the world, and I watch him and I analyze him in such a way that I want to be like him, and I just wish that other people were curious about my life. But the thing is, and this is the biggest problem I have sometimes is that people can google me and they can find out all of his stuff. And I love when I meet someone and they're like, I've not googled or touched anything that you've written or said or been on because I don't want to know that version. I want to know you for face value. And those people are being the ones that I've genuinely been in a relationship with because they got to know me for me. So I love that. I think we aren't curious enough. And I think that's like the biggest advice someone could take on and I definitely take that on.

Look, it sounds like you know you are following in the footsteps of your dad. It sounds like he's a great role model for you. And maybe you need the services of a matchmaker to keep your profile discreete and hidden so that you are meeting people but they don't know who you are, they don't know the background of where you come from. Yeah, you know, it should be something that you get to know each other, as I say, slowly and over time and in different situations, and you know, lots of talking, lots of connecting, lots of discussing. You know, there's three vats that I talk about in my book which.

Look, it sounds like you know you are following in the footsteps of your dad. It sounds like he's a great role model for you. And maybe you need the services of a matchmaker to keep your profile discreete and hidden so that you are meeting people but they don't know who you are, they don't know the background of where you come from. Yeah, you know, it should be something that you get to know each other, as I say, slowly and over time and in different situations, and you know, lots of talking, lots of connecting, lots of discussing. You know, there's three vats that I talk about in my book which.

I'm taking notes by the way, like I am here for this.

I'm taking notes by the way, like I am here for this.

There's three v's which I think help people fast track and understanding of what it is that they're looking for. And the three v's are values, vision, and vibe. So what you want to do is you want to look at values. So what are your core beliefs? Do you have similar core beliefs? Are your ethics aligned? If you're really family orientated, and that's super important to you, are they Do you have any religious or cultural beliefs that you want to share with your partner. So you've got to look at that first and see if that's lining up. Then look at vision. What's your vision for the future? How do you see your future unfolding? Are you at a stage where you know you want to travel more and live overseas? Do you want to start a family? What are your plans? What are your life goals? How do you see your life actually panning out and could it be together? And then the last one is vibe. Do you have a similar energy level, social compatibility, do you have similar sense of humor or emotional intelligence or conflict resolution? Once you start to look at those three areas, you can get a better understanding of whether this is a person that's going to fit into your life long term, and you can summarize it by asking yourself three key questions, which is, do we want the same things? Do we have potential for a future together? And do we have synergy?

There's three v's which I think help people fast track and understanding of what it is that they're looking for. And the three v's are values, vision, and vibe. So what you want to do is you want to look at values. So what are your core beliefs? Do you have similar core beliefs? Are your ethics aligned? If you're really family orientated, and that's super important to you, are they Do you have any religious or cultural beliefs that you want to share with your partner. So you've got to look at that first and see if that's lining up. Then look at vision. What's your vision for the future? How do you see your future unfolding? Are you at a stage where you know you want to travel more and live overseas? Do you want to start a family? What are your plans? What are your life goals? How do you see your life actually panning out and could it be together? And then the last one is vibe. Do you have a similar energy level, social compatibility, do you have similar sense of humor or emotional intelligence or conflict resolution? Once you start to look at those three areas, you can get a better understanding of whether this is a person that's going to fit into your life long term, and you can summarize it by asking yourself three key questions, which is, do we want the same things? Do we have potential for a future together? And do we have synergy?

I love that And these.

I love that And these.

Don't go in sequence, like these could just be like you can get the vibe first and then absolutely values and then the vision like you know, like these kind of come.

Don't go in sequence, like these could just be like you can get the vibe first and then absolutely values and then the vision like you know, like these kind of come.

Yeah, they're not in any prescribed order, but as long as you have elements of each of those, you know, that's a really important recipe.

Yeah, they're not in any prescribed order, but as long as you have elements of each of those, you know, that's a really important recipe.

One thing that I've noticed with my partner eighteen months now, I'm getting to know my partner at a really deep level where I'm understanding his needs or for instance, an example, I know that my partner isn't social. I'm very social in terms of what I do for my work and what I do in my personal life. I got many friends, I'm always out, you know, doing things. There's a part of me that wants him to be involved in that social start of my life. But understanding him more, I've been able to really come to terms with the fact that that's not what he wants or he needs, and I'm going to sacrifice that part of my life in my relationship because I know that he's not that type of person that's going to be at everything with me, So he's going to stay home and chill. I'm going to go out and do my things. And accepting that about my partner has created this level of peace and calm in our relationship because I'm getting to know him on the deep level. It's taken time. In the beginning, I always felt like, why doesn't he want to be a part of my friendship circles? Why doesn't he want to be super involved?

One thing that I've noticed with my partner eighteen months now, I'm getting to know my partner at a really deep level where I'm understanding his needs or for instance, an example, I know that my partner isn't social. I'm very social in terms of what I do for my work and what I do in my personal life. I got many friends, I'm always out, you know, doing things. There's a part of me that wants him to be involved in that social start of my life. But understanding him more, I've been able to really come to terms with the fact that that's not what he wants or he needs, and I'm going to sacrifice that part of my life in my relationship because I know that he's not that type of person that's going to be at everything with me, So he's going to stay home and chill. I'm going to go out and do my things. And accepting that about my partner has created this level of peace and calm in our relationship because I'm getting to know him on the deep level. It's taken time. In the beginning, I always felt like, why doesn't he want to be a part of my friendship circles? Why doesn't he want to be super involved?

You were angry, you were disappointed, you were like, this isn't meeting my need totally. But now you've gone, okay, Well, I accept that he's got so many wonderful things about him totally, and I'm just going to give him a pass on this one and say I understand that that's not you, but it's something that's important to me, and I'm not going to give it up and resent you for it, that's right. I'm just going to give you a whole pass and go. You know, I get it, but you know, this is something that there is a core belief and I want to do these.

You were angry, you were disappointed, you were like, this isn't meeting my need totally. But now you've gone, okay, Well, I accept that he's got so many wonderful things about him totally, and I'm just going to give him a pass on this one and say I understand that that's not you, but it's something that's important to me, and I'm not going to give it up and resent you for it, that's right. I'm just going to give you a whole pass and go. You know, I get it, but you know, this is something that there is a core belief and I want to do these.

Yeah. So there are things where you can be super different, and I think it's understanding your partner and coming to terms with the fact that is this something you can sacrifice in your relationship or is it going to bring you grief? You know, I constantly bring you grief. Now that I've accepted it, I go out and do my things. He stays home in the apartment. He's really chill. It's not like he's taking up other opportunities and not hanging out with me, you know what I mean. It's not like he's sort of ditching me for a better opportunity. It's like he's just that's just him and that's his personality. And I've come to find that the more you get to know your partner, it takes time. The deeper you go, the more that you can accept about them and not judge them or try and make them like you has been so helpful.

Yeah. So there are things where you can be super different, and I think it's understanding your partner and coming to terms with the fact that is this something you can sacrifice in your relationship or is it going to bring you grief? You know, I constantly bring you grief. Now that I've accepted it, I go out and do my things. He stays home in the apartment. He's really chill. It's not like he's taking up other opportunities and not hanging out with me, you know what I mean. It's not like he's sort of ditching me for a better opportunity. It's like he's just that's just him and that's his personality. And I've come to find that the more you get to know your partner, it takes time. The deeper you go, the more that you can accept about them and not judge them or try and make them like you has been so helpful.

For me, absolutely, because you remove the expectation and the disappointment, You strip that away and you go, okay, well this is this is just different for them, and it does take time. And that's what relationships are. It's compromise. It's understanding and valuing and going okay, well there's these wonderful things and this you know, I'm going to compromise on this.

For me, absolutely, because you remove the expectation and the disappointment, You strip that away and you go, okay, well this is this is just different for them, and it does take time. And that's what relationships are. It's compromise. It's understanding and valuing and going okay, well there's these wonderful things and this you know, I'm going to compromise on this.

Yeah. Yeah. And another thing that I've noticed in like as I've gotten to know Danny his name is Denny, is that you know, not everything needs to be a battle. Like I find that sometimes even if you have differing opinions or you want different things from a certain scenario, it doesn't need to be a battle. I can have this and he can have that and it still work, you know what I mean. And I feel like that's been like an eye opener for me that you know, the more that you try not to sort of fight the battle of your individual wants and needs, like I find that it's been so helpful.

Yeah. Yeah. And another thing that I've noticed in like as I've gotten to know Danny his name is Denny, is that you know, not everything needs to be a battle. Like I find that sometimes even if you have differing opinions or you want different things from a certain scenario, it doesn't need to be a battle. I can have this and he can have that and it still work, you know what I mean. And I feel like that's been like an eye opener for me that you know, the more that you try not to sort of fight the battle of your individual wants and needs, like I find that it's been so helpful.

You've just defined parenting.

You've just defined parenting.

Oh there you go, so am I The dad.

Oh there you go, so am I The dad.

Parenting is when you pick your battles. Every day could be a war on everything that your child does. Yeah, but you go, Okay, I'm not going to yell at you for spilling that milk when I have to discipline you about you know, totally leaving your even a mess or whatever whatever it is. You have to pick your battles.

Parenting is when you pick your battles. Every day could be a war on everything that your child does. Yeah, but you go, Okay, I'm not going to yell at you for spilling that milk when I have to discipline you about you know, totally leaving your even a mess or whatever whatever it is. You have to pick your battles.

Yeah, that sounds like Maddie that you're Yeah, that's a great like parenting advice, and you're kind of moving into that if you're learning that in your relationship, like you're just going to take that into your you know, when you become a dad like that.

Yeah, that sounds like Maddie that you're Yeah, that's a great like parenting advice, and you're kind of moving into that if you're learning that in your relationship, like you're just going to take that into your you know, when you become a dad like that.

Yeah, that's I'm great. I'm super excited. I feel like the best job in the world would be to be your dad, and so I know, I feel like that was my dream. But let's swing it back to the Week of Love and Valentine's Day.

Yeah, that's I'm great. I'm super excited. I feel like the best job in the world would be to be your dad, and so I know, I feel like that was my dream. But let's swing it back to the Week of Love and Valentine's Day.

Well, No, I wanted to touch on because you treaty touched on all of those things, and I was thinking of like love languages like.

Well, No, I wanted to touch on because you treaty touched on all of those things, and I was thinking of like love languages like.

Acts of service, physical blah blah blah, words of affirmation, gifts.

Acts of service, physical blah blah blah, words of affirmation, gifts.

Do you think these matter in a relationship? And like you know that that compromise is like, oh, well, you're an access service person. But I'm like, you know, like that that conversation comes up a lot in dating from what I've noticed.

Do you think these matter in a relationship? And like you know that that compromise is like, oh, well, you're an access service person. But I'm like, you know, like that that conversation comes up a lot in dating from what I've noticed.

Look, it matters if you want to speak effectively to your partner. Now what I mean by that is that if you are speaking to them with a language that they don't want you to talk to them in, it's not going to have as much effect as if it would where you chose what their love language is. So if my love language, for example, is quality time and physical touch, okay, I need a date night with my partner, we go out, have a romantic evening, and then we spend time together. If he didn't understand that about me, and he does, so that's tick for him, and he gave me a gift, that would be nice, but it wouldn't have the same impact as if he spoke to me in my love language. So you need to know what THEIRS is to have the most impact in making them feel special, because otherwise you're just talking to them in a different language that it's just not going to you know.

Look, it matters if you want to speak effectively to your partner. Now what I mean by that is that if you are speaking to them with a language that they don't want you to talk to them in, it's not going to have as much effect as if it would where you chose what their love language is. So if my love language, for example, is quality time and physical touch, okay, I need a date night with my partner, we go out, have a romantic evening, and then we spend time together. If he didn't understand that about me, and he does, so that's tick for him, and he gave me a gift, that would be nice, but it wouldn't have the same impact as if he spoke to me in my love language. So you need to know what THEIRS is to have the most impact in making them feel special, because otherwise you're just talking to them in a different language that it's just not going to you know.

Well, that's me, it's powerful love language, that's it.

Well, that's me, it's powerful love language, that's it.

So find out what THEIRS is and don't assume that theirs is yours totally because that's not the case either.

So find out what THEIRS is and don't assume that theirs is yours totally because that's not the case either.

Because receiving and giving is that is that right? There's receiving a type of love language, and then you might be different and how you give love. That's right, I'm an acts of service lover, But how I receive love? I think I need consistency and time. So quality time is like my peak because I'm not alviously like physical affection for me, I didn't get it. I'm like, but people need that, and I've had to adjust mind to give that because I don't know what it's like to constantly. But yeah, it's a love language, so you have to get on the same same page of.

Because receiving and giving is that is that right? There's receiving a type of love language, and then you might be different and how you give love. That's right, I'm an acts of service lover, But how I receive love? I think I need consistency and time. So quality time is like my peak because I'm not alviously like physical affection for me, I didn't get it. I'm like, but people need that, and I've had to adjust mind to give that because I don't know what it's like to constantly. But yeah, it's a love language, so you have to get on the same same page of.

What do you figure them out?

What do you figure them out?

I know that's the thing. For me.

I know that's the thing. For me.

It's probably as easy as going, well, what does make you? What makes you feel loved? But it's hard because I think that I can feel a sense of love in all different ways and all different parts of those languages, like for instance, physical touch, gift giving, acts of service, quality time for me, they would all feel like love. So it's like, how do you narrow it down to be like, this is how I truly receive love?

It's probably as easy as going, well, what does make you? What makes you feel loved? But it's hard because I think that I can feel a sense of love in all different ways and all different parts of those languages, like for instance, physical touch, gift giving, acts of service, quality time for me, they would all feel like love. So it's like, how do you narrow it down to be like, this is how I truly receive love?

People would generally have two that they feel the most connected.

People would generally have two that they feel the most connected.

To, and who came up with this? Because two doesn't seem like enough for me? I'm like, I want them all.

To, and who came up with this? Because two doesn't seem like enough for me? I'm like, I want them all.

There's a book on it, isn't there's a whore's The author will probably put it in the show notes.

There's a book on it, isn't there's a whore's The author will probably put it in the show notes.

Maam, yeah, yeah, so that you'll normally have two and it's just trial and error, you know. Like I was actually at a dinner party with friends not long ago, and we had this discussion about love languages, and it was really funny because these are two of my closest friends, married couple, and she was saying that her love language is gift giving, and her husband turned around to her and said, what, I didn't know that. She's like, yeah, if you bring me home a bunch of roses, that makes me really happy. And he's like, oh my god, I never do that because I just think that, you know, they're just going to die, and what's the point. I'd rather, you know, take you out to dinner. And they had been married for twenty years and he didn't know that her love language was gift giving.

Maam, yeah, yeah, so that you'll normally have two and it's just trial and error, you know. Like I was actually at a dinner party with friends not long ago, and we had this discussion about love languages, and it was really funny because these are two of my closest friends, married couple, and she was saying that her love language is gift giving, and her husband turned around to her and said, what, I didn't know that. She's like, yeah, if you bring me home a bunch of roses, that makes me really happy. And he's like, oh my god, I never do that because I just think that, you know, they're just going to die, and what's the point. I'd rather, you know, take you out to dinner. And they had been married for twenty years and he didn't know that her love language was gift giving.

Wow can it change? Is the question? So like over that time, like you know, you might think one thing and then you're like, oh, actually I actually really enjoy this, you know, like I actually really enjoy gifts. I thought I was an access service person but now I'm like, you know what, I like gifts?

Wow can it change? Is the question? So like over that time, like you know, you might think one thing and then you're like, oh, actually I actually really enjoy this, you know, like I actually really enjoy gifts. I thought I was an access service person but now I'm like, you know what, I like gifts?

Who doesn't like gifts? Honestly? Come on? Like, I came home the other day and I had a bunch of uh And it's fun because he must have known what my favorite flowers were. And I'm not someone who's like big on flowers, but the act that he did it made me feel love. I'm not like, the flowers aren't the thing, but the thought that he went. I came home from Melbourne. It was a late flight. I got home and a bunch of flowers on the table. He said, I know you've had a big day. Here's the flower. And I just felt like, it's not the flowers. It was the fact that he went out of his way I got them at the thought. Yeah, but they were my favorite flowers, you know, lilies. But yeah, I just felt like, yeah, so maybe I don't know. It's about exploring all of them, right, yeah.

Who doesn't like gifts? Honestly? Come on? Like, I came home the other day and I had a bunch of uh And it's fun because he must have known what my favorite flowers were. And I'm not someone who's like big on flowers, but the act that he did it made me feel love. I'm not like, the flowers aren't the thing, but the thought that he went. I came home from Melbourne. It was a late flight. I got home and a bunch of flowers on the table. He said, I know you've had a big day. Here's the flower. And I just felt like, it's not the flowers. It was the fact that he went out of his way I got them at the thought. Yeah, but they were my favorite flowers, you know, lilies. But yeah, I just felt like, yeah, so maybe I don't know. It's about exploring all of them, right, yeah.

Yeah, Just you know it's easy to do. You can sit down and go, okay, well what do we want to do tonight? Do we want to have a romantic evening when we go out and we connect. Do you want me to give you a massage? You know, and think of different ways that you can, you know, enjoy being together. But I think that it's really important to know what's going to recharge you, what's going to fill you up. You know, if you had a busy week and you haven't seen your partner much, what's going to help you reconnect with them? Yeah, what's going to help you go? Okay? I feel like where one again?

Yeah, Just you know it's easy to do. You can sit down and go, okay, well what do we want to do tonight? Do we want to have a romantic evening when we go out and we connect. Do you want me to give you a massage? You know, and think of different ways that you can, you know, enjoy being together. But I think that it's really important to know what's going to recharge you, what's going to fill you up. You know, if you had a busy week and you haven't seen your partner much, what's going to help you reconnect with them? Yeah, what's going to help you go? Okay? I feel like where one again?

I think deep conversations helped me do that. For instance, last night we made it. We put on our key table together, put it on the on the balcony. No.

I think deep conversations helped me do that. For instance, last night we made it. We put on our key table together, put it on the on the balcony. No.

Wow, now that's going to test any relationship.

Wow, now that's going to test any relationship.

It great though, because he helped me in the beginning and then when he cooked dinner, and then I kept on doing it while he was cooking dinner. The dinner was done, we sat out on the balcony, we sat at the table that we built, had this deep conversation about future. And deep conversations allowed me to get to know him more. Even at this point of eighteen months, I feel like, oh, I'm still learning.

It great though, because he helped me in the beginning and then when he cooked dinner, and then I kept on doing it while he was cooking dinner. The dinner was done, we sat out on the balcony, we sat at the table that we built, had this deep conversation about future. And deep conversations allowed me to get to know him more. Even at this point of eighteen months, I feel like, oh, I'm still learning.

Things, yes, and you're still curious.

Things, yes, and you're still curious.

And that deep conversation always brings us closer. It actually ignites the sexual tension yes between us, So it's like we feel really close to each other after those moments.

And that deep conversation always brings us closer. It actually ignites the sexual tension yes between us, So it's like we feel really close to each other after those moments.

Of course, it's quite interesting because men connect through sex normally and women connect through conversation. So when a couple is normally, you know, wanting to reconnect, and the man will want sex in order to do that, the woman will go, We'll on a second. We haven't spent much time together or conversed. I'm not ready to have sex with you yet, yeah, because I need that conversation to get me connected to you to then want to have sex.

Of course, it's quite interesting because men connect through sex normally and women connect through conversation. So when a couple is normally, you know, wanting to reconnect, and the man will want sex in order to do that, the woman will go, We'll on a second. We haven't spent much time together or conversed. I'm not ready to have sex with you yet, yeah, because I need that conversation to get me connected to you to then want to have sex.

Yep.

Yep.

So it's interesting that there's that difference, but you're finding that, you know, you connect through conversation.

So it's interesting that there's that difference, but you're finding that, you know, you connect through conversation.

I've got one question before we we're going to go back around to Valentine's Day stuff because it is Valentine's Week, But I've got one question. There's sometimes the inner thoughts, and I think they come from your experiences or your I don't even know what it is for me, but sometimes I have inner saboteur, you know, this inner voice that thinks that I should sabotage the relationship. And I don't know where it comes from, why it comes, and it's like I have to sort of take myself away from it and go, no, everything's cool. Why am I trying to create chaos? Why am I trying to create a problem? You know. It could be the fact that, oh, he hasn't messaged me until three pm in the afternoon, but he's busy working all day, and it's like, to me, it becomes a mountain out of a molehill. And so there's this inner voice that sometimes steps in to my relationship that goes, he's not giving you enough, he's not doing this, he's not doing that. Do you have any tactics or strategies where you can just eliminate that voice. I'm not eliminated. It's probably always going to be there, but to work with it.

I've got one question before we we're going to go back around to Valentine's Day stuff because it is Valentine's Week, But I've got one question. There's sometimes the inner thoughts, and I think they come from your experiences or your I don't even know what it is for me, but sometimes I have inner saboteur, you know, this inner voice that thinks that I should sabotage the relationship. And I don't know where it comes from, why it comes, and it's like I have to sort of take myself away from it and go, no, everything's cool. Why am I trying to create chaos? Why am I trying to create a problem? You know. It could be the fact that, oh, he hasn't messaged me until three pm in the afternoon, but he's busy working all day, and it's like, to me, it becomes a mountain out of a molehill. And so there's this inner voice that sometimes steps in to my relationship that goes, he's not giving you enough, he's not doing this, he's not doing that. Do you have any tactics or strategies where you can just eliminate that voice. I'm not eliminated. It's probably always going to be there, but to work with it.

Don't just shut it down, ignore it. Just say talk to yourself and say, listen, I know he loves me, he's busy, he'll call me later. Yeah, just give yourself that self talk because it's fear. It's fear of being vulnerable, it's fear of not knowing the messy reality of human connection, you know. So you've just got to go, well, that's okay.

Don't just shut it down, ignore it. Just say talk to yourself and say, listen, I know he loves me, he's busy, he'll call me later. Yeah, just give yourself that self talk because it's fear. It's fear of being vulnerable, it's fear of not knowing the messy reality of human connection, you know. So you've just got to go, well, that's okay.

Yeah, and not doing the tit for tat right. So it's oh, he hasn't messaged to me, so I'm not going to message him. If you feel a message just message, because sometimes it's ego for me, you know, like that's just a silly scenario. But I think I'm learning more about myself trying to navigate this relationship with meticular and also not everything's going to be fifty to fifty, you know, like, and I think that's something that I've come to terms with. It's like I can't expect fifty to fifty, especially when there's different playing field, all the goalposts for both of us are a little bit different, you know. So I don't know. I just I'm learning a lot about myself as well in.

Yeah, and not doing the tit for tat right. So it's oh, he hasn't messaged to me, so I'm not going to message him. If you feel a message just message, because sometimes it's ego for me, you know, like that's just a silly scenario. But I think I'm learning more about myself trying to navigate this relationship with meticular and also not everything's going to be fifty to fifty, you know, like, and I think that's something that I've come to terms with. It's like I can't expect fifty to fifty, especially when there's different playing field, all the goalposts for both of us are a little bit different, you know. So I don't know. I just I'm learning a lot about myself as well in.

A relation fantastic because that's what happens. You learn just as much about them as you do about you because you're in these new situations. It's evolving, you're learning, you're testing, you're growing, you're discovering, and that's exactly what's meant to happen. So it sounds like a really healthy relationship.

A relation fantastic because that's what happens. You learn just as much about them as you do about you because you're in these new situations. It's evolving, you're learning, you're testing, you're growing, you're discovering, and that's exactly what's meant to happen. So it sounds like a really healthy relationship.

Yah. And one thing that I've currently been working on is not trying to see you know that this is forever, forever, forever, And it's like that whole thing of putting so much pressure on the relationship that it's going to be the one and only person you love forever, and that you see it's already the path. You know, you see the path already, and you put pressure that you have to make it to the end. Like for me, stepping out of that and going living the present, lived day by day, be with my partner who knows what the future holds, has been really helpful for me. And I think that that contradicts the idea of marriage in a sense, but for me, it's been really helpful. So not putting pressure on the relationship to be to be all and end all of like why you're in it. The reason I'm in it is because I love you and I want to be with you, But it's not because I am putting this pressure on it to get to a certain point. And so that's been super helpful for me.

Yah. And one thing that I've currently been working on is not trying to see you know that this is forever, forever, forever, And it's like that whole thing of putting so much pressure on the relationship that it's going to be the one and only person you love forever, and that you see it's already the path. You know, you see the path already, and you put pressure that you have to make it to the end. Like for me, stepping out of that and going living the present, lived day by day, be with my partner who knows what the future holds, has been really helpful for me. And I think that that contradicts the idea of marriage in a sense, but for me, it's been really helpful. So not putting pressure on the relationship to be to be all and end all of like why you're in it. The reason I'm in it is because I love you and I want to be with you, But it's not because I am putting this pressure on it to get to a certain point. And so that's been super helpful for me.

I think that once you realize it's a daily choice that both of you make to want to be together, is something that makes you appreciate each other and go, Okay, well I've made a choice today. I want to be with you. And you don't need marriage, you don't need a commitment, you know, in order to do that, you just make that daily choice.

I think that once you realize it's a daily choice that both of you make to want to be together, is something that makes you appreciate each other and go, Okay, well I've made a choice today. I want to be with you. And you don't need marriage, you don't need a commitment, you know, in order to do that, you just make that daily choice.

Yeah, I have received this advice like maybe a few years ago. I don't know where I heard it from, but it might have been even my dad. Again, sorry not to mention him, but it's such a beautiful man. But he said, to learn how to love in a relationship is also to learn how to fight with your partner. So like, actually, you can fight, per se, but you know, knowing how to do that in a healthy way, Like that's inevitable.

Yeah, I have received this advice like maybe a few years ago. I don't know where I heard it from, but it might have been even my dad. Again, sorry not to mention him, but it's such a beautiful man. But he said, to learn how to love in a relationship is also to learn how to fight with your partner. So like, actually, you can fight, per se, but you know, knowing how to do that in a healthy way, Like that's inevitable.

We're always going to fight.

We're always going to fight.

Well, yeah, and it doesn't always have to be like a negative fight, you know what I mean.

Well, yeah, and it doesn't always have to be like a negative fight, you know what I mean.

Like, it will always be conflict, and what you have to learn is how to resolve that conflict effectively pretty much. Yeah, So everyone will have different strategies, you know, different needs, but you need to work out what is best for you and your partner.

Like, it will always be conflict, and what you have to learn is how to resolve that conflict effectively pretty much. Yeah, So everyone will have different strategies, you know, different needs, but you need to work out what is best for you and your partner.

Yeah, so my question is what's the best way to resolve an argument with your partner, like obviously.

Yeah, so my question is what's the best way to resolve an argument with your partner, like obviously.

Firmly, But it depends on your partner, right, Because, for instance, in my relationship, I know that Denny doesn't like to resolve immediately. I'm the gapper. I'm like, no, we need to sort this out right now. I'm a bet unless we have a resolution and I've come to terms with the fact that. You know, what, if we have an argument or we we have a moment of conflict, I'm going to give him time and circle back around in two days, you know, because if I try, it's overwhelming him.

Firmly, But it depends on your partner, right, Because, for instance, in my relationship, I know that Denny doesn't like to resolve immediately. I'm the gapper. I'm like, no, we need to sort this out right now. I'm a bet unless we have a resolution and I've come to terms with the fact that. You know, what, if we have an argument or we we have a moment of conflict, I'm going to give him time and circle back around in two days, you know, because if I try, it's overwhelming him.

Yeah, you know, And that's exactly that's exactly my point. You have to find out what works for each person. You know, when I fight with my partner, we resolve conflict the most effectively, ironically through text messaging.

Yeah, you know, And that's exactly that's exactly my point. You have to find out what works for each person. You know, when I fight with my partner, we resolve conflict the most effectively, ironically through text messaging.

Yeah so everyone sort of Yeah, but that's the whole thing. Is I learned to love, is to learn how to resolve a fight like.

Yeah so everyone sort of Yeah, but that's the whole thing. Is I learned to love, is to learn how to resolve a fight like.

But definitely calmly and like, you know, talking about it through stages like you know, I felt this way if you explain how it makes you feel, you know, that's where where you should be starting from.

But definitely calmly and like, you know, talking about it through stages like you know, I felt this way if you explain how it makes you feel, you know, that's where where you should be starting from.

Yeah, no, it's Valentine's Day this week, and couples that listen to us, singles that listen to us, a lot of queers that listen to us. What is the best advice that you'd give who to people who really kind of dread this week? You know, give them some hope, give them some love, give them like some some tips. Obviously, we've been unpacked so much already. I feel like I've learned so much already. But what was What would be your advice.

Yeah, no, it's Valentine's Day this week, and couples that listen to us, singles that listen to us, a lot of queers that listen to us. What is the best advice that you'd give who to people who really kind of dread this week? You know, give them some hope, give them some love, give them like some some tips. Obviously, we've been unpacked so much already. I feel like I've learned so much already. But what was What would be your advice.

Treaty for people who want to find love?

Treaty for people who want to find love?

Yeah? Yeah, Look, I would say.

Yeah? Yeah, Look, I would say.

That there's nothing wrong with telling people that you want to find love and getting your crew, getting your in a circle to help you, and you introduce you to people. You know, people do get busy and lazy and they go, oh, you know, I'm busy with work and you know, but it's nice if you remind them and say, listen, I do want to meet someone. So think of me when you're organizing a dinner party or having a social event. I would love to come and I would love to meet someone. The other thing you can do is how to meet people without dating apps, because I don't believe dating apps are a valuable method at all to find a partner. There are lots of things you can do to meet people in other ways.

That there's nothing wrong with telling people that you want to find love and getting your crew, getting your in a circle to help you, and you introduce you to people. You know, people do get busy and lazy and they go, oh, you know, I'm busy with work and you know, but it's nice if you remind them and say, listen, I do want to meet someone. So think of me when you're organizing a dinner party or having a social event. I would love to come and I would love to meet someone. The other thing you can do is how to meet people without dating apps, because I don't believe dating apps are a valuable method at all to find a partner. There are lots of things you can do to meet people in other ways.

Run clubs, the top dating app, other new dating app. It's sort of like everyone goes to outdoors run club. It's a healthy thing.

Run clubs, the top dating app, other new dating app. It's sort of like everyone goes to outdoors run club. It's a healthy thing.

Yeah, it's perfect because you're meeting people with similar values. They value health and fitness. You can then go and do other things after the run. You can extend, you can call them and say, hey, let's go for a bushwalk. You know you know that they're into health and fitness. It's a great segue to share more interests together.

Yeah, it's perfect because you're meeting people with similar values. They value health and fitness. You can then go and do other things after the run. You can extend, you can call them and say, hey, let's go for a bushwalk. You know you know that they're into health and fitness. It's a great segue to share more interests together.

So common hobbies interests like if you like pottery, go to pottery things.

So common hobbies interests like if you like pottery, go to pottery things.

Absolutely, invest more time in doing the things that you like.

Absolutely, invest more time in doing the things that you like.

Yeah, I love this.

Yeah, I love this.

When you are going on a date, what is some advice on how to prepare for that moment? And what questions are crucial in a date that allows you to sort of be.

When you are going on a date, what is some advice on how to prepare for that moment? And what questions are crucial in a date that allows you to sort of be.

Curious great questions. So how do you prepare for the date? First of all, don't be in a rush. Don't rush home from the office or work and then you know you've got twenty minutes to get ready and run out the door. You really want to kind of just get comfortable, be prepared for the date mentally, emotionally, be excited by it. If you're a woman, maybe you want to have a bath or put on some sexy music and get a nice outfit. And it's really I always tell people have like two or three first date outfits all ready to so that you don't need to worry about what you're going to wear. That box is already ticked. It could be a pair of jeans, nice heels, and a classic top for a guy could just be really nice shirt and nice pants and you know, cool shoes read ready to pull out. It's a no brainer. And then when you're there. I'm really against people having like a checklist of things that they want to ask. You know, how many kids do you want to have? When do you want to have kids? You know, where do you want to live? Do you have a nice car? Like, all of these questions are irrelevant. You just need to get to know one another and find out what you have in common. Do you have common values? Do you want the same things in your future? Is there a synergy? Is there a playfulness? Is there banter? Do you like their company? Do you feel good? You know, it's about getting to that next stage, date number two. So date number one doesn't have to be all that long. You know, it could be an hour, it could be two hours. A lot of my members they do say to me, oh, you know, we went to the restaurant. We were the last ones to leave, which is amazing because you know, they had all these things to talk about, all these things in common, and that's what we do. You know. The background work is that we will match people with all of this alignment already, so we know that they're going to talk for hours because they have these common interests and values and life stage and energy levels and all of that's kind of predetermined. But when you're meeting people on your own, in your own capacity, yeah, it's just about getting to know one another and being playful and fun and laughing because you know it's not It shouldn't be too serious. It should just be a catch up and find out what you like to do together and see if you want to hang out again.

Curious great questions. So how do you prepare for the date? First of all, don't be in a rush. Don't rush home from the office or work and then you know you've got twenty minutes to get ready and run out the door. You really want to kind of just get comfortable, be prepared for the date mentally, emotionally, be excited by it. If you're a woman, maybe you want to have a bath or put on some sexy music and get a nice outfit. And it's really I always tell people have like two or three first date outfits all ready to so that you don't need to worry about what you're going to wear. That box is already ticked. It could be a pair of jeans, nice heels, and a classic top for a guy could just be really nice shirt and nice pants and you know, cool shoes read ready to pull out. It's a no brainer. And then when you're there. I'm really against people having like a checklist of things that they want to ask. You know, how many kids do you want to have? When do you want to have kids? You know, where do you want to live? Do you have a nice car? Like, all of these questions are irrelevant. You just need to get to know one another and find out what you have in common. Do you have common values? Do you want the same things in your future? Is there a synergy? Is there a playfulness? Is there banter? Do you like their company? Do you feel good? You know, it's about getting to that next stage, date number two. So date number one doesn't have to be all that long. You know, it could be an hour, it could be two hours. A lot of my members they do say to me, oh, you know, we went to the restaurant. We were the last ones to leave, which is amazing because you know, they had all these things to talk about, all these things in common, and that's what we do. You know. The background work is that we will match people with all of this alignment already, so we know that they're going to talk for hours because they have these common interests and values and life stage and energy levels and all of that's kind of predetermined. But when you're meeting people on your own, in your own capacity, yeah, it's just about getting to know one another and being playful and fun and laughing because you know it's not It shouldn't be too serious. It should just be a catch up and find out what you like to do together and see if you want to hang out again.

I love that.

I love that.

I love that too.

I love that too.

I've got one more question because I want to get some goss. Okay, do you have any high profile clients and are there any celebs that you work with that like you match under the radar.

I've got one more question because I want to get some goss. Okay, do you have any high profile clients and are there any celebs that you work with that like you match under the radar.

So the answer is yes, I have worked and do work with high profile individuals. I've worked with two billionaires, an Olympic athlete, media personalities, famous authors, entrepreneurs, the list goes on politicians. I've worked with a cross section of people who are very very well known in the Australian public.

So the answer is yes, I have worked and do work with high profile individuals. I've worked with two billionaires, an Olympic athlete, media personalities, famous authors, entrepreneurs, the list goes on politicians. I've worked with a cross section of people who are very very well known in the Australian public.

Twenty one's Batforette Brooklyn.

Twenty one's Batforette Brooklyn.

You will be on that list. I'm sure I will.

You will be on that list. I'm sure I will.

Be If this doesn't work out, it's fine. I'm coming to Trudy's house and.

Be If this doesn't work out, it's fine. I'm coming to Trudy's house and.

I'm the reason I'm And my celebrity clients they either want one of two directions.

I'm the reason I'm And my celebrity clients they either want one of two directions.

One they want the person to know exactly who they are before they agree to go on the date, so that there's no confusion and that the client is understanding of you know, that person's history, that what they come with, what the relationship might involve, but you know, being in the spotlight and so forth. And then there are others who actually don't want them to be told, so that they have the opportunity to meet and establish a connection before they know of their history. So it's interesting you get two sides.

One they want the person to know exactly who they are before they agree to go on the date, so that there's no confusion and that the client is understanding of you know, that person's history, that what they come with, what the relationship might involve, but you know, being in the spotlight and so forth. And then there are others who actually don't want them to be told, so that they have the opportunity to meet and establish a connection before they know of their history. So it's interesting you get two sides.

Yeah, and have any high pro I'm sure they have. There's been many successful.

Yeah, and have any high pro I'm sure they have. There's been many successful.

Matches, many I've been doing this for twenty years. I like to think I'm quite good at what I do, but I can amazing.

Matches, many I've been doing this for twenty years. I like to think I'm quite good at what I do, but I can amazing.

I was just thinking, I'm like, oh my god, Like, sorry not to cut you off, but I'm like, you're in a beautiful relationship. I'm assuming you said you were married and you're in a relationship. Can I just ask why you went into this work? Like, was it just because you wanted to see other people happy, or you just love love like me, Like.

I was just thinking, I'm like, oh my god, Like, sorry not to cut you off, but I'm like, you're in a beautiful relationship. I'm assuming you said you were married and you're in a relationship. Can I just ask why you went into this work? Like, was it just because you wanted to see other people happy, or you just love love like me, Like.

Yeah, Well, it's a really funny story that I didn't grow up thinking I want to be a matchmaker. It wasn't something that I dreamed of, like you. My dad is. I'm really close with him, and he was a business owner. So growing up I saw him go out and he loved what he did. He was a sales agent for clothing, so he would go and meet all of his buyers and show them the range. And one day I went with him and he just had fun. He had fun all day talking to his clients, who were like friends. They would have a laugh, they'd have a chat, he'd do some business, he'd go into the next one. And we had a really good lifestyle growing up. You know, we were able to travel overseas and we lived in a nice area. So I formed this understanding that being a business owner was fun, profitable, and you know, it could give you a great life. So in the back of my mind, I think I was always programmed to want to be a business owner. And I lived overseas for four years. I lived in Italy and I had a business there teaching English to companies, and I came back home. I was twenty nine. I was ready to, you know, to settle and have a new business here. And I was reading a magazine in a cafe and I read about this high end matchmaker in New York who does exclusive matchmaking, and it really got me interested, and I thought it was fascinating. She charged an absolute premium, like fifty thousand US to find you your life partner.