Films To Be Buried With with Brett GoldsteinRob Auton • Films To Be Buried With with Brett Goldstein #281
LOOK OUT! It’s only Films To Be Buried With!
Join your host Brett Goldstein as he talks life, death, love and the universe with the delightful comic, podcaster and wonder appreciator ROB AUTON!
A fabulous episode which is a perfect moment of relent from the chaos of out there, as Brett and Rob get in some good work from start to end. If you've seen Rob perform you'll have an idea of his style and energy, and we now have a chance to hear his take on cinema and life combined. Everything from Christmas and admin, Edinburgh Festival, his own standup shows, memories vs things you thought of, running, "wasting time makes it worse", Australia, feelings and emotion, right on down the position of the universe. This episode contains multitudes. You shall enjoy! Catch Rob on the road soon! And Brett!
Look out. It's only films to be buried with. Hello, and welcome to films to be buried with. My name is Brett Golsdein. I'm a comedian, an actor, a writer, a director of mok Tail, and I love films. As the Daarla Lama once said, happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. Watch oneker. If you're down, it will probably make you happy. It's very lovely. That's true. Actually, nice one, the Dalla Lama. Every week I'm about a special guest over. I tell them they've died. Then I get them to discuss their life through the films That meant that most of them. Previous guests include Barry Jenkins, James Acaster, Sharon Stone, and even Flambles. But this week it's the brilliant comedian, actor, writer and poet mister Rob Orton. Head over to the Patreon at patreon dot com. Forward last Prett Goldstein, where you get all the extra stuff With Rob, we did another twenty twenty five minutes of chat. We talked about beginnings and endings, We talked about a secret, We talked to all sorts of things. You can get the whole episode uncut adfree and does a video over at patreon dot com. Forward slash breat Goldstein. I'm doing my stand up tour in America. I've extended it to I think fourteen more cities. Look it up on the internet. Come and see me if you want. We'll have a right tell time. The show is called second Best Night of your Life, and it will be so. Rob Orton. Rob Orton is an amazing comedian. He's an amazing writer, he's an amazing actor, he's an amazing poet, and he also does a daily podcast. He's a brilliant man who's done so many shows. I mean, look, we get into it all on the podcast. If you've never seen him before, look him up. He's amazing. We recorded this on Zoom a few weeks ago. He was brilliant. I love him. He's so great. Anyway, I think you're going to love this one. So that is it for now. I hope you're all well, and I hope you very much enjoy episode two hundred and eighty one of Films to be Buried With. Hello, and welcome to Films to be Buried With. It is me Brett Goldstein, and I'm joined today by a writer, a poet, a wordsmith, a traveler, a hairy man, a artist, a vinyl maker, a CD maker, a purest, a lover, a man of peace, a man of wonder and a legend and scrubious Pips, all time favorite comedian and a wonderful stand up to the entire world. Please welcome to the show. It's the brilliant, It's the one and only. There's no one like him, and he's here. Can you believe it? It's Roberton.
We thank you, Brett.
Thanks Rob.
It'd be good if you could come on my tour and do that introduction every night, and then everyone there would just cross their arms and go, let's see what the dickheads like them.
It's good to see Robin. Seen you in fucking ages. How are you?
I'm all right, you Yeah, I'm good.
Thanks.
I'm feeling like I've been doing quite a lot of jobs today, you know, like you have those days just before Christmas where you're like, okay, I've just got to get all this stuff, not Christmas shopping, but like work stuff.
You know, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this.
I'm going to do this so you kind of get rid of those things that could be on your mind when people are like handing you a cracker and you're thinking about something completely different and you're like, so just trying to clear my mind from things like that, but on the whole.
Really want to be present with this cracker.
Yeah, I mean, do you know what? It's those types of things when if you aren't present for them, it really does show, you know, if you're like your because going into going into Christmas, I mean, I feel like this might come out after Christmas, but before with Christmas, it's like the effort to be present and just trying to carve out some of those times when you're like you're sitting down and you might have like five minutes next to a fire or something, or you might like see someone and have a fifteen minute chat with them. That can like make it just like that and then you're like, right, okay, that's good enough for me. That's good enough Christmas, don't you know, as long as like you can. And I've just I'm just trying to learn to hang onto these like moments and just like grab them and go right, yeah, I'll put that in my pocket and then and then we're instead of you know, it's just it's kind of such a surreal time of year. Yeah, but on the whole, I'm pretty good. I feel like I've got to the end of this year and I've worked. I feel like I've worked quite hard. I was thinking about some of the stuff that I've been doing and I was like, oh, yeah, you were really stressed then and you got through it, and then you were like really anxious then and you got through that. And I just kind of feel like, yeah, all right, good, I'm still here and I'm still excited to crack on.
Really.
Are you on tour at the moment? Are you middle of a tour or are you starting it?
No, I'm going to start the end of the tour at the at the end of January, and it's on for a couple of months and then yeah, and then going over to Australia and doing it that. I went to Australia for the first time this year. It was massive for me, Like, yeah, you know, my dad when I was growing up, my dad was always it was always one of his big things that he wanted to go to Australia, and I don't know, it was quite special for me going over there. And yeah, so I'm winding up for this tour and then doing the show over there. And I was meant to go over in twenty twenty and do it then, but obviously there was the pandemic and then went this year. And yeah, it's a strange existence, but you know, I like it.
Yeah, we were just talking about touring before we started recording. We're talking about balance. It's an unbalanced way to live your life, right.
Yeah, I think so. I think it's that thing of like, you know, God never gives with both hands. It's like, I mean, I'm not particularly religious, but I like that saying. Yeah, so you have a great time on stage, sometimes not all the time, and then I guess from the outside looking in, people go oh wow, I wonder what that person's doing now, and then you're just there in the dressing room, and then you've got a kind of I normally stay in a premiere in or a travel lodge, or get a late train back, and yeah, there was I remember last year when I was on tour, I was did a gig in Manchester and I was staying in the travel lodge right near Manchester Piccadilly, and that travel lodge has seen some serious action.
And there was.
I got back and you know, it's I think it's a twenty four hour bar there, and there was just me and this lady who was about I think she must have been about seventy five, and she was in there in the bar and like she ordered some pizza and had some pring goals, and she came over and offered me some pringles, and I was just like, no, I'm okay, thanks, and I just kind of hate I was like, why why didn't I just say yes? And then I have a chat with that lady, you know, instead of just kind of having a flat point of guinness or whatever or whatever.
I think about that stuff a lot. I've had incidents like that, where you go, I should have had the fucking pringles, Like the universe gave you this opportunity, like you might be married to that seventy five year old woman and the manage to pick a dilly traveler if you'd taken their pringles, Like why didn't you? I mean, I get it, you think, what am I getting into here? But you're about to get into an adventure?
Well that is one of my you know, one of my main flaws is I love speaking to people, but sometimes I just can't bring myself to do it, and there's I think there's a lot of people who maybe don't even like speaking to people as much as I do, but they do it more than me. And I'm not saying that I'm completely socially awkward, but it's something that really does. I just wish that I could not be so self conscious and just say everything that I want to say, And just because a lot of my work and stuff like that is about being excited about just being in this world.
And I've done loads of shows about it about like.
Tell for the people who may not know you, like in America who listen, tell them the names of your show is up to now, because I think that tells you a little about what you did.
So I do shows on specific themes. I started doing poetry gigs in like two thousand and seven and then went up to Edinburgh Festival and I saw people doing our long shows and I thought, what could I possibly do in our long show about And then I just bought a yellow coat and I thought every time I put the coat on it, it made me a bit more happy. And I was like, oh, wow, if I write an hour long show about the color yellow, it's going to make me absolutely ecstatic.
So I did My first show was all about the.
Color yellow and it was called The Yellow Show, and it was just an hour long show about the color yellow.
Was that the one in the Caves? Was that the one? Was that the first one?
Yeah, it was in the Caves? I think you came to the one in twenty thirty. I came to this guy.
Yeah, the next one.
So the one after the Color Yellow, I did one about the sky called the Sky Show.
It was excellent, Thank you very much, Thanks so much for coming to that.
And it was it was in the place called the Banshee Labyrinth and it's meant to be Edinburgh's most haunted pob and is like a torture chamber at the back of it. And I was doing it in there on the free fringe. And basically the shows it's just me going off on one about something like I really like the artist Grayson Perry, and he always talks about his favorite thing about being an artist is that it allows him to go off on one and I definitely feel like that about I'm just going to go off on one about the sky for an hour and see if I can do it and I always loved art and graphics at university and school, and just trying to test myself to see if I can talk about the sky for an hour in an entertaining way. So over, you know, I've got the newspaper called the Sun, So I crossed out the you and the end and put the sky, and then just covered the pages of the Sun and cut up bits of the sky from all the other newspapers, and then it stuck down the bits of writing that I wanted to read in that newspaper. And then the year after that, I did a show all about faces called The Face Show. I like faces. I like faces so much I got one. I've got one on the front of my head. And then I did a show about water called the Water Show. What is water? Water as the smell of a pint of orange cordial before you've added the cordial and.
Stuff like that.
And then I did a show about sleeping called the Sleep Show. I Like sleeping. I was everyone feel about sleeping. Do you enjoy having a break from yourself?
I know I do.
And then I did show about hair, and then talking, and then time and then crowds, and then the last one I did was all about me, and it was called the Roboulton Show. They've all kind of been about me, but this was more about.
Yeah, I haven't had the chance to see you on newest One. What is the It's interesting to me that you've reached the robot and show what happens in it.
Yeah, it's basically I've just done like a deep deep dive. I mean, I've thought about things that happened in my life and you know, first jobs, first relationships, first memories, and you know, the thing is, we've got so many things. What I learned from this show and writing it was we've got so many things kicking around our heads, like thoughts, just repetitive thoughts, and when I started to vocalize them and actually say them, it made me realize how kind of strange some of them were and kind of other not otherworldly. But I asked my mum and dad about something that happened and they said, well, no, we don't, we don't remember that. And it's been I've thought about it so much and it really made me want to just speak to everyone in my life and just say, have you got any memories of me?
What are they?
And then I want to speak to them and they say, what memories have you got me? Because the brain is such an interesting and bizarre thing, and we you know, a memory changes every time you remember it, supposed So it's like this new show was just me trying to look at my life in an entertaining way. And it's a mix of you know, there's some stories in it and poetry and things like that. And my favorite thing about it is like the gear changes with regard to like what I want the audience to feel.
So you know, there's.
Quite a lot of energy at the start, and then hopefully some funny bits and then go into a more serious, heartfelt poem and then get out of that and then go into another funny bit and kind of go on different terrains really and just hopefully get to the end and feel like I've taken them on a bit of a journey. And but Edinburgh this year, I did the Edinburgh Fringe again and I absolutely loved it.
But I didn't love all of it.
No one comes away from that festival thinking that they absolutely loved all of it. No way. I had some really brilliant moments, and you know, it's always.
Tough though, it's just.
And I don't know, I feel very lucky to have made the decision to dedicate my time to doing this At the moment, what do.
You make of the thing of your memory that you tell your parents that they don't remember it? Like what what do you think that means? I don't know, like it didn't happen, or it's a story you were told.
It's quite It's quite worrying, isn't it that? Because it makes me think my memories just things that I've thought of, Like what's the difference?
You're like that what?
Oh?
And it kind of spins me out of it.
Well, I I look, I won't say what it was. I had a like what I would consider like a defining trauma in my life, like a genuinely like something that haunted me, something that happened when I was younger, and I spoke to my mom about it years later, like I talked finally talked about it in therapy and blah blah blah, all this stuff, And I spoke to my mom about it. She was like, oh, I don't remember. I've completely forgotten about that, Like it was so minimal, Like she didn't say it didn't have happen, it did happen, but she was like that wasn't you know, but as a child that was such a like traumatic thing. But to her it was like, ah, I completely forgot about that. Yeah, you know what I mean, Like no big deal. Yeah, And it's fascinating. You're like, wow, that fucked me up, that thing. I feel like that because I feel.
The human condition is obviously so like robust, ye fragile at the same time, and like if something just catches you with your guard down on a certain day or something, maybe something in the chemistry of your body and it gets you and it gets into a certain bit of your brain or something and it locks in, whereas it doesn't get a grip on that other person's brain and it just kind of bounces off, and it's just I mean, it's fascinating really yeah.
And also I think about the things that, like you, if you ask me to like list top three traumatic things, there are other things that happened in my life that if it were a movie, you'd go, oh my god, that was horrendous. That wouldn't make the list. Where it was like for some reason or whatever, you know, like it was scary when it happened, but I got over it a week later. Whereas this thing that's probably much smaller objectively is the thing that owns me forever. You know, I guess that's.
It because I thought can be as big or small as you want it to be.
Right.
It's like, oh, yeah, I thought that once, and I never thought about it going Oh I thought that, and it's just been coming back every single day of my life, and you're like, oh shit, what I think.
It's difficult, isn't it.
Like I did a gig the other night when I was doing a I was reading a piece out that was from my show I did about Sleeping and it was at King's Place, and it was it was a Christmas gig. So I thought, I'm going to read out this letter that I wrote a piece about a letter I got from Father Christmas.
Right.
So I woke up on Christmas Day and I didn't have any presents. I just had a letter from Father Christmas and he said like, hey, thanks so much for giving me all your Christmas lists. I thought I could do something different this year. I thought I could give you my Christmas list and then he's like, I want one gift from you this year. I want you to try to feel the comfortable within yourself when you are awake as you are when you are asleep. Why have you become so switched off in social situations? You used to drive Now it's like you're falling asleep at the wheel of your own life and all that kind of thing like anxiety is not the capital of your rob and things like that. And I was saying it, and it was from a time in my life when I did feel like things were on top of me more and I don't know, I almost feel slightly scared to say it, saying that things aren't as on top of me as they were, because I never know what I don't.
Want to take fake, do you know what I mean? I'm liked, but I don't know.
I think maybe the older we get, the more you learn to kind of roll with it a bit and just kind of that thing of thinking, like, I mean, I've tried to start I've started running, like I've running. I don't love running it, I do it and it's making me feel better. And made a playlist and that it was a track from Rudimental which is not Giving in Right, which which I listened to when I'm when I've decided I'm going to do Edinburgh again, and I'm like not giving in it. I'm like listening to these tracks and there's a lyric in it that I thought, I'm going to buy a canvas and just write that massive in black paint and just put it on the wall, which is wasting time, just makes it worse. And I think that, like I was just saying, getting older, it's like, okay, yeah, you know that if you sit down and you're on your phone for an hour and you just don't do it and you don't achieve anything.
Yeah, yeah, how are you going to feel after? Is not worth It's just not worth it. Yeah, the fine thing is insane. And I keep thinking that. I'm like, I lose hours and then you go it was anyone ever? Does anyone ever finished looking at social media and going I feel great? In the history of the planet, this is it.
It's like, have you ever got a memory from looking at your phone? You know, like physically looking at it? Yeah, Like I haven't. I've seen stuff obviously on my phone that I've watched it and it's like it's so weird. Those The thing that's made me laugh probably the most this year is a video of a guy maybe in like Bristol. I think he's on a walk with his I think he's with his mates and his mum maybe, and he falls down in the mud and he can't get back up, and he keeps falling down. Yeah, and he's like, there's shit everywhere.
And I.
Was crying with laughter watching that, and I just watched it over and over again for about fifteen minutes.
And then I saw it the other day.
It came up again and I just it just wasn't doing I know, because the laughter had gone. But it just kind of made me think, God, that was a real moment in time for me when it hit me and I got into that cycle. And now I don't think i'll ever have that again. But maybe that's so, maybe that's a memory of looking at my phone. But Jesus, I've forgotten to tayte something. What the fuck I should have said it at the beginning. Fuck, let me just yeah, I guess I did write it down, but I was looking at the wrong paid. So I'll just say it. And then I've said it.
The fuck. You've died.
You're dead dead, You're dead dead, You're dead, all right, thoughts, I'm not sure how did you die?
I got a phone call from a number that I didn't know, and they were asking me to confirm all my details, date of birth, address, wait, hi, mum's maiden name. And then they said them all first to me, right, and they roll correct, and I was like, whoa, These people really know a lot about me. And then they said to me, We've got an opportunity for you, mister Autumn. We've been watching you very closely all your life, and it may surprise you to know we have added up every fifty pence piece you've ever us used and calculated the total weight of those coins and made it into a solid weight. And then they said, right, we're going to ask you a question. If we placed the weight on top of your chest, do you think it will kill you? Yes or no? And they said you can say yes, I think it will kill me and forget we ever called, and nothing will come of it. But if you say no, I don't think it will kill me, you can come to the experiment location and we will lower the weight slowly onto your chest. If you are correct and the weight is not heavy enough to kill you, you get the prize money that is fifty million pounds. I said, no, I don't think the weight will kill me. I met them in a warehouse. They lowered the weight onto me and it crushed me to death.
Fucking Rob that's mad shit. Man, It's annoying, isn't it. At what point did you realize it was going to kill you? It was eight it was ages, you know, I mean, did you see it? You could see the size of the thing as it was lowered.
Well, I was surprised just how big the weight was.
Really, I don't think I've spent that many fifty pence pieces.
You know, when you walked in the warehouse to be like, fuck, I'm going to die.
Yeah, but you know what, I have that with stuff?
No, I thought I would be okay, Like I've got that with stuff anyway, Like when a car walks past me, When a car walks past me, when a car drives past me, I want to put my foot under its wheel just to see if it breaks my foot or not.
Do you have that? Yeah? Yeah, quite often? Yeah.
Or I'm like I wonder if I mean, I never do it, but I'm like, I wonder what that would feel like. And I mean obviously would, but there's something about the suspension and tires and stuff like that would it just go over it or would it break every It would break every.
Bone in my foot.
So but with that, I mean I often think I'm like, wow, wow, what would that be like? But yeah, very slow, weighty, like two or three hours just being lowered onto your chest from all the fifty p's.
So at that point it's like breaking you. It's breaking your ribs, but you're not dead yet, still going yeah, yeah, it's crushing your legs. And how many people are sort of standing around controlling this thing?
Or is it just like one middle aged guy.
Right, is he chatting to you while it's happening or I.
Think he's He's just like just kept saying, well, it might not kill you, might not kill you. And I'm like, I think this is pretty much going to kill me. Can we call it off? And he's like, no, just keep it going. And then you know, I think, finally, when the kind of weight such as the concrete and it's gone kind of through me or whatever.
Do you think, well, does he seem bored? Does he seem like he does this every day all the time?
Is he like a convey But I feel like he felt I feel like he was quite excited about it just in a weird way.
I don't know.
It was almost felt like an episode or something where they were like, yeah, right, we're going to do this to this one person and then we're going to approach them, and it was like they're almost like their lives work, you know. And then I was going to say that the other photos of me everywhere, but I don't think think they were that. You know, they were just more interested in their idea than my.
Well, it's a very tragic way to die. Do you worry about death?
Do I worry about death?
Do you know what?
I don't? Actually I don't. That's I love that line in the Bright Eyes song. That's like, if your thoughts turned to death, you have to stamp them out like a cigarette. I sometimes I think about it and I think I just think, oh, man, Like I guess what selfishly upsets me is I want to try to get a grip on so much of life, and I just don't know if I ever will before dying. And that really upsets me because I feel like so many people, including me, just kind of you live for such a brief we have such a brief time. It's like you can't come to terms with it because you get to be about I don't know how old, and then your brain might start going and then you're just like, well it was an amazing in place. Well it was amazing, but there was a lot of people doing a lot of bad stuff there as well. So I was just like, fuck.
I think it all. I sort of think as soon as you die it all makes sense. I think it all floods in your your sort of limited capacity for understanding explodes into one giant consciousness and you're like, oh, yeah, it was all that, I get it.
Oh I do you think so?
Yeah. I think we're like these funnels that there's all the consciousness of the universe, but we're like the machinery of as is too primitive to contain it and understand it, and we're all doing our best. But then when you die, you're released from this and you go straight back into the giant universal consciousness and it all makes it. You're like oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I forgot this path.
I mean, it's just for me just trying to look at something and just try to stay amazed by it.
And then I.
Guess I am. I think I'm probably motivated by death. Biggest motivates.
Yeah.
I wrote something once about like death being my mister motivator.
Is on the gym Martin.
He's got likes in like skin sight, black fabric on his bones or whatever.
Yeah.
But I do think about I do. I mean, I get I do get depressed, and I get really anxious, and I don't.
Know if depression is right. I just get really sad, you know.
But I think I think people do, don't they Maybe some people don't, but I have sort.
Of you read statistics to say so, Like I don't know. I read when it's like fifteen percent of people are depressed, and I was like, isn't it one hundred percent? I can't believe it.
No, it's got sureless sure.
I think that I want to be a sensitive enough person and turned on enough to see what's happening and go, God, this place could be absolutely amazing, and it is, but there's a lot of stuff that's going really really wrong, and that gets me down. And when I see like prejudice, inequality, war, it's just it's just obviously, and not to minimize it, but it's a bit of a downer.
People.
Oh no, don't get the press at all.
It's like you know, what do you think happens when you die?
I think that, you know.
I saw a thing on TikTok the other day of this guy talking about his experience near death experience when it's kind of as you say, he just kind of went into this valley and everything was just so bright. It was like if you think everything's crisp and bright when you're on Earth and you just wait until you get to this place.
It's in like ultra four.
KHD, five K, eight K whatever, and it's there, and what I think, I don't know, the world is so flipping amazing. And you know, I was looking at these pictures of there's like quite a famous monkey on the internet that's got one arm and it's got quite loads of hair, and it's like these really sad eyes and it's and I was just looking at its hands and I was just like, what some people believe that that was someone created that and we're not completely different instead of like looking at it and going, that's pretty much exactly what we are with just a few steps removed and just going.
So I don't know.
I mean, I I like like if there's a heaven, Like I like thinking, I like thinking about that. I like thinking about heaven. I like thinking about what's the food like in heaven?
You know, do I have low pack?
You know? Is it expensive? You have to pay for it? What's the Wi Fi code?
All that? You know it was going to be there? I really like.
One of my favorite ideas I've ever heard is when you die, if you go to heaven, are your granny and grandpa. They're standing on the gates with signs with your name on it, you know, like people do at airports. Yeah, and you go and see them and they're like, hey, you're going to like it. We're going to show you around. And like thinking about that. I think that we just need a bit of release and like thinking. If thinking about something makes you feel better about your life, then I think that's okay. If you're thinking, right, there's a golden that made this, then that's great.
You know. If it can help you through life, then absolutely fair play.
Well, let me tell you something. I can answer all your questions. There is a heaven back there. Your granny and granddad are at the door. You come inside the shay round. You don't need money. Everything's free, of course it is. There's a buffet with all your favorite food, and it's filled with everyone you love. It's got your favorite thing in it. What's your favorite thing?
Getting a USB stick in the right way around the first time.
It is every room is opened by a USB stick that you stick in a slot and the doors open up and it goes makes that lovely noise and you go in. It's fucking wonderful there. It's got the sky, it's got the water, it's got faces, it's got sand, and it's got yeah, the color yellow. It's everything you like.
Do you think there's the sky in heaven people are looking up?
I think you're looking looking down. I think it's surrounded by sky.
Well, you know what I've been thinking about this recently, I saw I just love that idea of I never I always think of the universe being like above us instead of it just being kind of all around us and below is like I never think that a planet is kind.
Of behind me.
Yeah. Yeah, as I sit now, if you go back far enough, there's definitely a planet behind me, and like a not over there, like in front of me somewhere or like loads of planets. Go to Australia, keep going and there's loads of planets down there. As well. It's like just being like suspended and I love like that. That's my favorite thing about thinking. I can make myself feel things through thinking.
Well, look you get to Heaven, you're ready grabbed. I'd let you in. That's so excited to see you. Everyone is there's usb stick sluts. They'll fit. It's great, le back, everything you want. But they won't talk about your life. They wouldn't talk about your life through film. The first thing they ask you is what's the first film you remember seeing?
Well, my Nan would know this, and Nan and Popper because the first film I remember seeing was Crocodile Dundee, right fantastic, And it was when.
My at my NaN's house.
She had Crocodile dound on video and me and my sister and my cousins would sit down and watch it and uh, you know, we'd get bags of crisps and kinds of coke and just amazing. And so that's the first one really she had. Crocodile Dundee and Annie, oh wow, I love any is the reason your dad was obsessed with Australian crocodile And you know, maybe actually was, I mean he loves that film. My sister loves it. You know, there's just so many elements to it that I think it was my I think, do you know what it might be the first time I saw New York in a film as well, when he takes the small metal thing that's on the back of the limousine that he trucks as a boomerang, and it's just absolutely, yeah, I love it.
I love that film. And that's the first.
I mean, I've got vague memories of being in a cinema and watching some sort of cartoon when I was tiny, but I couldn't remember what that was.
Two years older.
Yeah, yeah, i'd say so. I just don't just one of the things when you moved down to London, right, I mean, I'm from York, just outside York, and I do sometimes think about what it would have been like if I'd have stayed there. I feel like we've got so much in the tank from being kids and being around each other all the time. Since we're eighteen, it's like that's kind of enough for us for life, you know. Yeah, but no, I definitely definitely want to make more of an effort to go up to York more. And you know what, I really love that Baz Lehrman's song you know the Sunscreen one.
I love it. Yeah, that's that's like you to music.
That's so I mean, and it's just like you know your siblings and you know they're the ones who've known you for longest and it's yeah, I love that.
Yeah, but no, she's great.
And one of my friends, actually, John Osborn, who's a poet and writer, he was saying that one of his favorite facts about the band Blur is that they've all got sisters, and it kind of makes sense that Oasis would have brothers and all of Blur.
Sisters that what's the film that scared you the best? Do you like being scared?
Being scared can be fun, can't it? And being scared sometimes isn't fun. The film that scared me the most when I was growing up was Ghostbusters too, with the painting that came to life the goal.
Yeah, I love it.
That was just it's me and still does know.
Whenever I see that painting, I feel because it's just like a still image that comes to life that it's just so loaded and he's there and it's like the most kind of grim, just determined looking person who's going to wreak havoc on your life, and I'm like, oh, god, man, just leave me alone. I don't I don't want anything to do with it. Please, And I don't know, there's something about it that that really scared me. Do I like being scared? Once he get out at one of the cinemas in in Waltham store and it was such a fun experience because everyone in there was just screaming and it was such an interactive thing and people were chucking popcorn everywhere and it was it was like being in a theme park, you know, like a ghost house or whatever, and it was just awesome.
So that I love that. But scary films, I mean I went through a stage of watching like foreign films like Fanny and Alexander, and I only got.
Half with it.
That was like.
Yeah, and me and my wife Victoria, we were watching it was like you think we can watch the Sixth Sense And we put it on and she went down to the basement the lady in the film and got chills. You know. She's like, I was just no, turn it off, can't come watch it. Yeah, I'm scared, you know. I think about the afterlife and when I get spooked in a house I do get, you know, I've got something really weird happened to me once in a hotel when I was in Hereford. There was this thing, it's called the gold It was called I think it was called the Golden Dragon Hotel or something. And I just got back from the gig and something felt really weird, and I kept on nodding off to sleep. I was I was just about to nod off to sleep, and the phone rang next to the and I picked it up and no one was there, and I was like, oh, that's weird, and then it went back to sleep again. I tried to go just nodding off, and then just as I was about to nod off, the phone rang again, and then no one was there. And then I just started absolutely shipping myself, and I unplugged the phone. And in the morning I googled it like the name of the hotel, and then haunted, never do that, not if you're staying like for another night. And they were talking about poltergeist activity in the rooms, like kettles switching on and off, taps turning on and off. And the next night I just made sure everything was completely unplugged and nothing, nothing could move basically. And in the morning I went down and I was going down to like sign out or whatever on my keying, and the dog was walking around the corner and the dog was shivering and shaking, and the owner was going, what's wrong, what's wrong?
And the dog was just like and I just thought, oh God, this is not good.
And I said to the lady behind the counter, is there a guest book for me to fill in? And she went no, why And I said, oh, no reason. She said, oh, have you had some strange goings on in your room? And I said, well, yeah, the phone kept on ringing and she went, oh, well there's a poltergeist in room fourteen, but you weren't in that room, so it shouldn't have been in your I.
Was like, why, my god, which is just mad? Who are they putting in room fourteen? There?
If you're read on the phone, they go put him in fourteen. But maybe it's something to do with energy knocking around. And I definitely believe that if there's no the millions and millions and billions of people that have lived and the souls and everything like that, there's got to be something left over.
Surely, Yeah, I think so, I like that what is the film that made you cry the most?
And do you cry Forrest Gump?
Is it? Yeah?
Man, it's the film I've watched the most, is it?
Yeah?
You know a lot of people don't have too much time for that film, but it was.
I got it when I was at university.
And you know, it's like when HMV did three for twenty quid or something, and I remember we get our student loans and just go and buy loads and loads of DVDs.
What is the other two you got?
I know, I mean one of my mates, Colin and Andy. You know, I've got loads of friends who are really into films, and they were always quite quick on the uptake of when films were released on DVD and you could get the cardboard sleeves, which is just something for me that the action of getting, like my mom mate Colin's got like the pulp fiction one where you open it and it's I think it's in a blue thing with red metallic writing on the front, and just opening it and you see the really kind of such vivid I don't know, it just gives you an experience and added experience of the film and I love that, And I don't know what the other films would have been, but Forrest Gump was definitely one that I mean, you know the bit I cry quite a lot throughout it, you know, when when he's running past the lake and he's like, we didn't know where the where heaven started and the world stopped or whatever. I'm going to misquote it, but you know, we are due buried under our favorite tree, and when he's talking about Jenny. And but probably the bit that just slaves me every time is when he goes back and sees the little boy who was any in sixth sense?
Yeah, John Lesbian very good.
He goes is he smart?
Jenny, and she goes, he's one of the smartest in his class, and he's just he just can't believe it, you know, And that really hits home for me, Like I think that, like I do worry that if I had a son, he would get some of the bad stuff that's kind of in my brain passed down and I'd just be like, oh, I'd just be like if that was me in the same situation, I'd be like, is he okay? Is he happy? He was like, yeah, he's the happiest people, you know. I'll be like and I'm happy, but it's like there's a darkness and I'm just like I get it.
I completely get it is a fear. I very much relate to that. If I had a kid, it would turn out like me, Yeah, let's not do that. We know one of them.
But no, I think that I feel that when I love the world, I love it so hard and the people in it, and you know, I'm so lucky to have like met the people that a lot of them. But when he when he says is he smart, I'm like, yeah, that's that?
Does that does get me? Yeah?
What is the film that you love critically? It's not a claim to people don't like it, but you love and conditionally water World? Yeah? Great and perfect, perfect answer. Yeah, I love that film. Yeah, it's fagging great.
I think you know, it had me from the universal world turning to water and like come on, let's go.
And I think it's just such a good idea. The world is water.
Topic idea well executed.
Yeah absolutely, And you know what, Like I used to work at advertising and ideas, it's just all about the idea. It's like you've got to have an idea, no matter what it is. This is the idea, and one of the best ideas I've seen recently was it was Ricky. I think Ricky Gervase directed it, maybe he wrote it. It's that short film seven Minutes. Did you see that with Joe Wilkinson?
Right, No, I haven't seen it.
Well, the idea basically, two people just by chance, go to take their own lives at the same time on the same side of the railway track, and they're both there and they're both waiting to kill themselves at the same time, and I'm just like, that's it.
That's the idea.
Great, amazing, I think, yeah, last seven minutes, I think it's called seven minutes, and then you know they end up chatting and but yeah, it's just like such a crystal clear idea.
But water World, Yeah, that's it. I love Dennis Opper.
I think it's just absolutely brilliant in true roma, is it.
Yeah, he's brilliant in that.
Yeah.
I mean you don't need me to tell you that. I think he's brilliant in that. And then what else. He's a bad guy in speed right yeah, and believe of it?
Oh yeah, just unreal.
Yeah, perfect answer, perfect, perfect answer. What is the film that you used to love, he loved it, he voiced it recently, any but oh no, I don't like this anymore. Dangerous Minds De Michelle school teacher masterpiece with the song Gangs to Paradise over the opening credits, go on, what in the f could be wrong with that masterpiece?
I've just got memories of seeing it when I was young, and yeah, I just I just think I was like, oh, that film's great. I've got you know, I love Gangster's Paradise and I just thought, yeah, that film. And then it's great when you're talking to your partner and you're like, hey, have you seen this? And you find a film that they haven't seen, you go, dangerous minds, have you seen it? No? Oh this is wicked. Let's put this on. And then you put it on and it's just so on the nose and they're just spelling it out, every little bit of you know, they don't leave anything to the imagination whatsoever, and you're just sitting there going, oh shit, you.
Know what, I think that I haven't seen that since it came out, and I loved it, loved it, loved it. But obviously I was very young, and I'm sure it's probably you know has its issues, but I think about it is lodged in my brain that at the end of that film she's going to quit and she doesn't quit, and then the guy says to her what happened and she says, they tell me I was there late, and he goes, yeah, that'll do it. Think about that a lot. I think that's a lovely it's lovely fucking thing.
Well, there you go. I would say keep it like that. Maybe I'm being hard on it and dangerous.
Man, it's very dated and I'm sure, I'm sure there's lots frong of it.
No, it's still a good watch.
Do you know? What is an interesting fact about Dangerous Minds that you may not know is that al Pacino was in that film, but he was cut. There was an entire storyline with al Pacino where he was like her love interest, and for some reason they cut all of that stuff because they were like, actually, it just needs to be about the class and with the school. Can you imagine they had al Pacino in the film and they went, you know what, we don't need this stuff. Wow, no one is safe.
Have you met al Pacino?
No? Right, have you? Here's my uncle Wordly? What is the film that means the most to you. Not necessarily the film itself is any good, but the experience you had seeing it will always make it meaningful to you.
Mister roboton, well, I'm going to say Nativity right, another perfect answer going just because I'd never seen it. My wife Ritzora has seen it and it just became a Christmas tradition, and those I love the birth of Christmas traditions. And I feel like, you know, the songs in it, I think are just fantastic.
That's a bit excellent. I don't think ifty has ever come up on this podcast, so well done. What is Robot and the sexiest film you've ever seen? No?
For me, I'm going back into my teenage years here, okay, and I'm going to say Caddy Shack just because of the sexy. There's basically that there's a lady, a smoking ot woman who gets with one of the caddies.
It was called Indy Morgan.
And that for me was just because I used to play golf a lot when I was young. Yea, And yeah, that's that's it.
There is a subcategory traveling boners worrying the film we found arousing, you weren't sure you should. All right, what is it lion king? Yeah, well, it depends on which part.
I used to quite like Simber's moms mom, you know Sabi.
Yeah, oh interesting, very.
Assured, felt like she could look after me.
Yeah, you know what fucking fair place to you. Lion Kings come up a lot, but it's usually people are talking about nana, but you were with the mom. I'd say that's classic. You're a classy guy.
Oh people have had worrying bonus foranala.
Yeah yeah, I mean that you must have covered so much ground in this on this podcast.
Like no, well it's never the mom's never come up. I really think that's the classy choice. I think that says a lot about your traveling boners, even your traveling boners at all, for okay, and display a sort of degree you have sort of thought, you know what I mean, because what you don't see is symbol's mum rolling around, you know, nearly snugging and stuff like that.
So that's just the boner, isn't it.
Yeah, that's a I'd say, that's a proud.
No trouble with this boner.
That's a that's a boner that is like lifting its hat and saying good evening, mum to this.
You are a sane member of society.
Do not worry you could be elected if you run on that. I'd say, like, it's made me like you more. I'm like, this is a man who is good with women elected. Did you say, yeah, yeah, you could be an elected official.
Yeah.
What is the film you most relate to? Robot It?
It's a duplicate answer Forrest, I'm going to say that again.
Is it because you run and are also thoughtful?
I think there's just bits in it where he says stuff like I am not a smart man, but I know what lover is. I feel that very much of being like, not particularly intellectual, but I feel like I can I can feel.
Stuff and that's enough, isn't it? Is that enough?
Maybe not? I mean not when you're doing your tax return.
Well, I'll accept your answer because it's your answer. But I would say, like, you're one of the most intenis of people I know. But I sort of get you why you would say that, But you're incredibly immotingly articulate and thoughtful, and we you know, I mean you probably This is why I'm voting for you for President of England. By the way we've changed our system and now we have a president. I'll toss it anyway. What is objectively the greatest film ever made?
Well, my favorite film is Forrest Gum, but I think the film the best bit of filmmaking I've ever seen.
Is No mad Land.
I just absolutely loved every shot of that, every minute, every bit of music, you know, the story. It's just so much heart. And I only saw it for the first time on the plane on the way back from Australia and my old comedy friend Gareth Richards who sadly passed away, and when I was over there and his brother and sister in law Chloe's out is like his sister in law, And at the end of the film, I thought about, you know, for the ones we see down the road and things like that, and I.
Was just like.
It just I don't know, it was one of the biggest moment, like because I'd never had a friend not be here anymore, and I don't know, there was just something about that seeing that film in the sky that I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, it was just kind of epic.
It was it was it was an epic moment, and I don't know, I just felt so much and you know, so many people being around you on that flight, and I think there's something about aeroplane flights where everyone's obviously traveling in the same direction, and it's the same for buses, whatever. But there's something about being up in the sky. And I don't know, there's something about being in a plane that just really makes me think about my life. Maybe it's because I'm worried about it crashing or whatever, or it like I hope we get there, you know, And it's just just something about it that just makes me really take stock. And maybe it's because I don't fly too often. I guess if you're a frequent flyer, you might the novelty or the emotion of it might wear off a bit, or maybe people just don't have that.
But I don't know.
I think there's something about being in that seat and just like you've got you've got everything outside of you know, everything, there's all just so much space around you somehow makes me feel more to do with my person or something. Yeah, like your feet being off the ground. It is a magic things. Do you think planes make all films better? I have a rule when on planes like the films that I will watch on the plane. Are the films I wouldn't see, Like I've always want to see a film at the cinema, So either if I've completely missed it, I might watch it on a plane. But otherwise I will like watch a film like I'll take a punt, like a film that I think I wouldn't have enjoyed, so I think I see it, I'll watch that on the plane, and then ninety percent at the time love it.
I'm always like, I'm glad I took that. And it might be because I'm on a plane and I think I'm going to die, but they're all better.
On that flight back.
I watched Tar the Whale, No mod Land and the Meet the Favorites.
Is just called The Favors Meet the Fablemans.
What a fucking journey you watched, absolutely Baggers.
Yeah that was great. That was great.
I remember the first time I ever watched a film on an aeroplane was Twister. Yeah it was a dramatic film to watch on aeroplane, but I remember watching it and then the flight was just over. It was like, oh flip, I didn't look out the window once, you know, sh.
Now, mad Land is a beautiful film. I really like that film and really like it surprised me when I saw it. I sort of assumed from seeing the trailer maybe or the reading better, so this is going to be a depressing film, and it's not at all. It's so it is so full of heart and it's so lovely and I love that I see you down the road. It's just beautiful.
I think those moments of the lady talking about the bits of life that made her feel like she had lived, like seeing the eggshells fall on the water, and I guess that goes back to what was talking about before, of just trying to have these small moments that you can just cling onto forever to try to make you feel like you've lived. And yeah, that resonate with me so hard of just like I think, you know, I saw those people get off that rocket who went up into space, and they got off there, and you could tell I think I could tell I might be speaking out of turn here, but for me, I think they kind of realized that's not where it is, Like it's all right going up in space in them and whatever, blah blah blah. But it's it's like just those moments that grip you It's like you can try to make yourself feel something as much as you want, but it ain't. That's not how feelings work, is it. Who are you talking about? Getting off the rocket? Jeff Bezos on it?
Oh that lot? Oh you think you think they got back? And was like, oh that was pretty.
I don't know.
I don't even know if it was on it, but maybe it was absolutely brilliant. And I've got no idea what I'm on about. Who am I to judge?
What is the film that you could or I have watched the Moze over and over again.
Napoleon Dynamite. Ah, yeah, I love it.
I think for me, it's it looks like I can't I can't believe that it was filmed in these times in this world, it looks like it was. It's from another time, like another planet that's very similar to ours but not quite the same one. And the filmmaking on that, like the direction and the dialogue just marries up so well to create this world. I just love it. And I think about the dialogue like, and I want to say it to people, like, you know, if I go up to my when I go up to my parents in a couple of weeks and I'm like, we're having a meal.
I'm like, are you guys having a killer time? They'd just be like what.
I want to try to work it into my vocabulary or I don't know, it's just great.
I just love it. On the other side of things, we don't know it to be negative. But what's the worst film I've ever seen?
I might say die Hard Too? Is that controversial? I love the die Hards, But for me, I'm thinking on my feet here, But you think Too is the worst?
Die haad?
What falls worse?
Is it?
I haven't seen that again?
Is the worst? Is it? Yeah?
I think so, let's not say that.
Then five sort of offensive, like it's got stuff in it where I'm like, this is mad.
Yeah, I mean I still liked it. I loved them.
We watched die Hard with Vengeance the other night and I think that that was just done.
That was great.
Yeah, that's brilliant, isn't it. I'm what could we do because I can't think.
Of one at the moment.
Well, you can. You can have die Hard Too, Okay, I'm not gonna not let you have it. I mean, you want to be controverted, Listen, you've always been a controversial kind of guy. Yeah, that's no brand. What is the film you're in comedy? You're very funny. What's the film that made you laugh the most? Though?
The film that I can remember laughing at the most in my life, that film is Austin Poe's to the Spy Who Sham? I feel because it's yeah, maybe it was the age of was that on DVD? I remember it came in like it was one of those that was in a white case, and we didn't have a DVD player at the time apart from on my mom and Dad's PC tower, so I'd have to put it in there and then like sit in the computer chair and watch it on the computer monitor.
But I remember going to the cinema to see it. The bit that.
Made me laugh the most was when Me and and Me comes in for the first time on the scoot when he's beeping the horn. It was just it was just it just got me so bad. And then obviously Fat Fastard. It's just like, I feel like I've grown out of that character now, but I just just it just made me laugh so much.
Yeah, Okay, excellent answer, Robotson. You have been a joy, a treat a wonder. However, when you were you got a phone call from an unknown number and they said, we just want to take your details and now do exact weight, age, height, i Q, date of birth, et cetera, place of birth, possible number. And they said, do you think of all the fifty pees you spent the world, if we put them all together, it would be enough to kill you. If you say yes, I do, we'll leave you alone if you say if we say If you say now, I don't think, so, then comes to this warehouse and let us try. If it doesn't kill you, we'll give you a shit. It will give you all the money in the world. And you went, you know what, I don't think get word. And you turned up at the warehouse. It's just a sort of bored looking man. And as you walked in you saw this sort of fucking monolith of a metallic thing on a on a wire and you're like, no, this don't look great. And he says, just lie down, lie down on the on the warehouse floor, and you lay downs a bit dusty, and he very slowly lowered the thing and you said to him, do you know what, as it's getting nearer, I think, I think I might have misjudged this, and he goes, well, let's see, let's stry it out. We'll see, and it sort of touches your chest and you're like immediately, you're like, I don't be missing good idea, and he lowers it slowly and you keep going how often are you doing this? And he goes sort of every day, every other day. Sometimes sometimes people do say no and say yes they do, and so they don't sow happen anyway. They go, thank you for keeping your appointment, because that doesn't always happen, and you go, that's fine. And as it's it's as low as a bit further, and it's you think, I fucking hell, I think that cracks a rib and you're like, do you know what point made? Point made? I get it point, I do think this is going to kill me. You win, and he goes, well, a deal is a deal, and you go, I know that I'm a man of honor. And it lowers it a bit further and another rib cracks and you go, listen, you keep all the fifty pes, you can keep them all and he goes, no, listen, we made a deal, and it's crushing your lungs starts crushing your lungs and you feel like someone in the fucking deepest breath and your lungs is low like a fist, and you're like, honestly, mate, let's talk about this. And then he lows it a little bit further and your spleen explodes in saying You're like, oh, and then you start bleeding out your mouth like in Jaws when Quinn is being eating up the boat, and then you're like and then he loads it one more time and he crushes your spying your and then it goes even further, and then you're dead. I'm working by with a coffin, you know what I'm like, And I'm like, hello, mate, how's your day? To the man, he says, yeah, add another one. He said, you know, he's over twenty. He's definitely spent a lot of fifty p's. It's mad to me that he didn't think and then make you know the metal. But he says, you'd be amazed how many people pick that it's only children really, and even children, I'd say, have a chance anyway, I go, yeah, it happens. I go, here'd you get today to go? Robert? And I go, fuck, you know, I love Robort and really, ah, that's his shame. And he goes give me a hand. I said, yeah, sure, I come in with the coffin, mean him, pull the thing up. But you're stuck to some of the fifty He goes, oh, this has happened before. We get an axe together, chopping off some of the fifty p's to get some of your body. Anyway, we pick you up, get all the bits of you that there are, get out the floor, get a digger out, get some concrete in there. I stuff you in the coffin. Coffin is absolutely rammed. There's only enough room in it for me to slip one DVD into the side for you to take across to the other side. And on the other side, it's a movie night with your Nan and Popper every night in the USB open doorways and one it's your movie night. What film are you taking to show Nanny and Popper in Heaven when it's your movie night, robot it it's going to have to be crocodiled on, do you? Isn't it beautiful? Beautiful? That's storytelling right there. The end is the beginning. Beautiful, Thank you, robot In. Would you like to tell people to go and see you on tour or some other things you would like to talk about.
Oh yes, please, I'm going on tour and doing my show called The Robotons Show from the end of January. Tickets are at roboton dot co dot uk. And I'm starting doing my daily podcast as well from January the first. That's a poem and a story every day.
How long is your daily podcast that ever?
Well, they range from two minutes to twenty minutes.
Wow, lazy, but I'm looking forward to doing that.
Yeah, that's great. Yeah, it's it's good. Last time I did it was twenty twenty. I want to do it like a World Cup once every four years.
Really really good idea. Roboton, You're a wonder. Thank you for doing this, Thank you for your time, thank you for your secret, and thank you for your brains. I vote for you for president. Have a wonderful death. Good day to you. Thank you for having me bruts. So that was episode two hundred and eighty one. Head over to the patroon at patreon dot com forward slash Bret Golstening for the extra twenty minutes of chat, secrets and videos with Roborton. Go to Apple podcast. Give us a five star rating, but write about the film that means the most to you, not about the show. Right about the film. That's what we want to read. My Nagh and Morion loves it and we appreciate you. Thank you so much to everyone for listening. I hope you're all well. Thank you to Scrubius, Pip and the Distraction pieces of Network. Thanks you, Buddy Peace for producing it. Thanks to iHeartMedia and Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network for hosting it. Thanks to Admit Them to the graphics and leads Alight them for the photography. Come and join me in a week for another cracking guest. But that is it for now. I hope you're all doing well, and in the meantime, please be excellent to each others.
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