Hi Family Secrets family, this week we're bringing you a podcast we think you'll enjoy: You Probably Think This Story's About You. Dani also gives an update on the release date for the next season of Family Secrets.
Hi, Family Secrets.
Family.
I hope as our calendar turns from summer to fall, you're feeling refreshed, relaxed, invigorated for all that lies ahead. I have a treat for you. We're sharing an episode of the hit podcast. You probably think this story is about you, which I binge listened to a few months ago while doing one of my favorite new activities, sweating it out in an infrared sauna. Great storytelling while doing something good for you. What could be better? You probably think the stories about you is about one woman's brave searching excavation of her own marriage, her family history, and her deepest self in order to ask and answer the questions we always ask. What secrets have been kept from me? What secrets am I keeping from others? And what secrets have I been keeping from myself? I think you'll love it. Have a listen. Also, speaking of calendars, please mark yours for the all new eleventh season of Family Secrets, which drops on Thursday, November seventh. It's thanks to you that Family Secrets is Iheart's longest running series podcast. I'm thankful and moved by the groundswell of response to Family Secrets and grateful that you're sticking with me. The secrets they just keep coming, and now I hope you enjoy. You probably think this story is about you.
This podcast is marked explicit intentionally because some of the topics may be difficult for some listeners.
We've provided resources and more information in the show notes.
Yeah, not everybody needs to know what they are.
No, no one will know.
Brittany tells everybody. Oh, I'll tell everybody.
I got to come up with a way to summary it's my life like five words. I went into that wanting the dream and ended up with a nightmare. But I had the very best intentions. You probably think the story is about you. I'm Brittany Yard and this story is mine. I had been swiping and matching and going on first dates sort of all of June. Navigating dating apps can be challenging, constantly dodging the scammers and the catfishers and the guys trying to sell me bitcoin. Canaan's profile came up three different times. There was a lot more thought around his profile than others. I would either swipe laughter, swipe right, and it was a pretty easy decision. He was one where I clicked on all the pictures, read all the prompts.
For some reason, I was hesitant, but I was attracted.
And I'm not sure if it was a look in his eyes or if it was something that I could sense. I don't know if it was the mood, his dimples, the prompts. There was a mischievous grin in his main profile picture. I couldn't tell if it was like comedy or something else. Something about that fourth time that I saw him come through, I was like, Okay, fuck it, so I swiped right. I went on a day within two days of matching, and I at the time was doing a walk for all my first dates. Canaan lived in Tacoma and I was in Seattle. I ended up going down to Koma to meet him because my best friend lives down there, and I was like, we'll go on a walk and then I can meet my best friend for dinner, you know, sort of kill two birds with one stone. Every time I go on a date, I have to send her screenshots and like, this is the guy I'm seeing, this is where we're meeting. I will check in with you, you know, in an hour. If not, like, come rescue me. I actually got there early so that I could check out and see him arriving. Within thirty seconds of me hitting that curb, he was behind me, tapping me on my shoulder. I turned around and he said, can I interest you in some bitcoin? Mischievous smile, dimples, and he went in.
For a hug.
He is this gorgeous man that has so much charisma, very attractive.
He smelled amazing.
I don't know what he did to my olfactory senses. So he's a dad and his son plays football. I have that connection with him. My second youngest is a football player, and so we had talked about how you navigate teens and athletic sports, especially when they're trying to.
Go to college for football.
He had played football in college and he got kicked off the team, and then he joined the Marines. He had left the military at sixteen years to come home and take care of his son. So we were about halfway through our walk, and I usually like to ask people that have kids what the relationship is with the exes, because it's either crazy or not crazy. His ex wife died by suicide and had been an addict. That's why he was so involved in his son's life at this time, because after she passed, he came in and took on that role of you know, mother and father. It was just one more thing that I felt connected to. I'm not ready to share that story with him yet, and he said, you know, I'm sorry that I kill the mood, and I said, no, it's your story. I had told him that I had not been with anyone for a year, that I had taken a year off. Canaan moved to the Pacific Northwest in January of that year and had gone on a couple of dates, but hadn't dated March and had had a bad experience and it was the only woman who's ever had to block. Finally, recently, his sister in law, Tasha started this hinge dating account for him because she was really worried about how lonely he was. And he had told me, He's like, yeah, she'll text me and be like you got a rose. You need to get online and respond as if she was getting the email notifications for his dating profile because the sister in law and brother were so invested in finding him his person because he was so alone. He talked about how it was really hard for him with the gloomy weather, and I remember thinking that I needed to get him into red light therapy so that he would have enough son and vitamin D to want to stay because now that I had met him, I didn't want him leaving the north West. The conversation kept getting better. We ended up walking, I think for two and a half hours. His job is working with people in need and helping them find the support for their illness. He matches my giving and caring nature all the aspects of my life. He has that same energy for himself and for other people. I had found somebody that I would want to have a connection with. I had totally lost track of time during our walk, and when I realized that I was an hour late to meet my best friend Anna, I checked my phone and I had missed a bunch of her text messages.
She's like, where are you?
And I was like, I'm okay, I'm going to be late for dinner, but I can't wait to get there because I think I'm going to let this guy fuck me up. Like I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm totally going to let him fuck me up.
My name is Anna Love. I am Brittany's best friend of twenty eight years. I remember being miffed that your date with this guy had delayed our time at the Matador. That's primary like kind of what I recall from that day, you know, being very excited for you obviously that you had found somebody that you, you know, really connected with, and if that's the delay, then super, But also like.
Come on, we have taking have tacos to.
Eat and tequila and or rum to drink, so let's get going. You know, I remember being very excited for you that you had found somebody that you hit it off with. The key things that I sort of remember was him commenting on your Nike Cortes, you know, and being you know, kind of intrigued by that.
We were already planning our next date. I texted him, do me a favor and tell Tasha thanks for me. Hopefully I spilled that right.
Trust me, they're thinking you as well, them being kindle and Tasha tas Ya.
Oh, that's much prettier than I spelled it.
I think I'm just going to flood you with a bunch of random facts about me. Oh, speaking of which, fun fact number one, All of my bakeware and tupaware are the results of me not returning it to the original owners.
What do you want to know about me or is lasagna the whole goal?
It's really important for me to ensure you're comfortable leaving your lasagna pan with me for a few weeks.
A few weeks red Flag.
On our second date, he was talking to me about how they wanted him to come to his son's school and do some video recording. It was National Suicide Prevention Month, and because his son's mom had died by suicide, they wanted him to come and sort of tell this story. And he had talked about how he didn't want to go and do it because he felt like he wasn't a good parent for the first part of his son's life because he was in the military and always gone, And then he didn't really step into a full parenting role until his son's mom passed, and that's when he stepped in and sort of focused on his son and being the father that he kind of always wanted to be. As we were talking about this, I told him that it sounded like impostor syndrome. Do you feel like an impostor coming in being this amazing dad now and like you don't deserve to have that recognition because you weren't there beginning, and he was like, that's exactly what it feels like, Like I don't want to bring attention to myself because I feel like an impostor. There's so many times in my life where I've felt like I'm faking it until I make it, like I don't really know what I'm doing, but I just keep trying, or I just keep pushing through. And there are times when I feel like an impostor, like I'm not meant to be in a situation. And so I actually didn't tell him any of that. I just let him tell his story. There was nothing like spectacular about what we were doing, but on these walks we got into really vulnerable conversations and I feel more connected to this person that I've had two dates with that and I did with my ex husband because he was sharing so many stories and vulnerable.
Bits about his life and.
It was all from the place of and I learned something from it, and I've grown and I want to be a better person, or I've decided I've made the choice to move forward instead of looking back.
Were you ever or are you a cheater?
I wasn't a cheater, but I was a guy who used a fast tempo of the military to not ever get into anything serious now here. I am at forty and I haven't had those type of experiences, which sucks. I perfected keeping people away, and now that I wouldn't mind the closeness. I don't know what that even looks like, so I stumble awkwardly through it and learned not to press it. It'll happen when it's supposed to.
Thank you for being open and willing to share with me. I don't cheat. It's a huge value of mine. I am loyal to fault at times. I've sacrificed a lot of me in the past to keep another person going. I am not settling for anything less than a partner that I can trust with my whole. Last self, I was already starting to write and sort of remember different parts about the date and conversations we were having because I wanted to put them on paper. I wanted to remember the moments, but I also I wanted a love story from the first date on. I was falling in love with that love story and I wanted to share it. I like to write down all the experiences in my life, and I talked to Canaan about us writing this book together to share our love story, and this is his first chapter.
Babe, sorry it took so long today it was a shorter day, and honestly, it's the first day in two weeks where I didn't have something.
Else after work. It feels good.
Being able to pour that energy into you because you do the same for me. I miss you every day. Enjoy and don't judge my writing. Fireworks, sparklers, explosions near and far. These are common to the celebration of the fourth of July, but does not even sundown. And she's star spangled, banning my shit.
He grinned and skipped across the street.
He was headed for the second day with her in a span of a few days. Things are escalating quickly, and he's here for it. She was unlike anyone he's ever met, Seductive, mysterious, assertive, passionate, but tranquil, all wrapped into one person. What kind of Pacific Northwest sorcery is this? She's aware, she's educated, she's funny, she's well.
She's here.
As he sneaks up behind her while she glares out at the sound as they stepped off in pursuit of a magical conversation over another ten thousand steps. Damn, I want to co parent a plant with this woman.
Play it cool.
We both spot an empty bench facing our version of the Mona Lisa, Yeah, you guessed it.
Water.
We sat quietly as she started to dump it all and I mean all the hesitations in her voice hovered over him like a cumulus cloud or whichever one brings is those torrential downpours. Two and a half hours passed by so quickly he walked her to her vehicle like a gentleman should another skipped heartbeat. Of course, she reversed into the parking stall. Who is this woman? They start making out again, without a care in the world of who's around. They both jumped and shuffled quickly, as unknowingly the impromptu makeout session blocked the adjacent car from leaving. They both giggled, and without hesitation, in a soft voice, she said, oops, sorry, this is dating ap forty. They laughed, and he dived in once more for a departing kiss on her freckles. Yes, we are definitely going to parent a plant, he thought as he drove away.
So I have freckles everywhere. From sort of the beginning, he just started calling me freckles, and so many times in text messages it was always freckles this, or can't wait to kiss all your freckles. When somebody just calls you baby or babe or whatever, it's adorable, but it's very generic. And so for Canaan to say good night, freckles, it really it hit because that's what I look like. Canaan had an incredible way of making me feel comfortable in my skin. There were no insecurities that I had with myself when I was with him. It didn't matter that I had had kids or that maybe my body wasn't perfect. There was no shame that I carried in myself when I was with him. I had decided to introduce Canaan to my friends and my daughter Brianna. We had decided to go to this concert. It felt like the right time to see if he could handle the group. During the concert, it was all outdoor. We were on large picnic benches, and Caanan and I were on the same side. I don't normally bring guys i'm dating around in the friendship circle unless I think that they can survive all of all of us, you know, and a lot of it is that we have all been friends for over twenty years. Here's what my best friend Anna thought.
Well, I went in expecting to get initial impressions, and I, you know, sort of tasked Francisco with his gathering of information because he's a pretty good judge of character and also loves you very much and wants to see the best for you.
Francisco is another longtime friend of mine.
So I came in kind of I just wanted to sort of gauge if he thought you were as amazing as we all think you are, and you know, and if he then deserved to be in your presence. He's very handsome, very good looking guy, presents really well, and I thought, how amazing for my best friend to find somebody that she finds so physically attractive and mentally attractive and emotionally attractive. He was very intrigued by you, asking me questions about what it was that he needed to do to remain in your good graces, and I basically told him, you know, she's amazing, and you're right for wanting to stay in her good graces.
I was sitting in between his legs and he had his arms around me the entire time. Other than a couple trips to the bathroom. We were sitting together on the picnic bench, smashed together with his arms around me. I had passed him a note. A lot of it was him like whispering in my ear. Here's Brianna.
I am Brittany's first and most important daughter. Well only, I guess, so I'll take that. So you met him essentially on our like fourth date. It was one of the first times I'd seen you be more touchy feely with someone both or really in public or in front of me. I feel like we're family's not a huge PDA family really in general kind of at any level, we don't that's just not happening. It wasn't even anything crazy, but like kind of just constantly in contact with each other, Like there you were leaning on him a lot, or like arms around, diddly laugh, cute s eyes. It was definitely the first time that i'd seen kind of more of the like physical contact in like in public. But to really be like out at a bar and kind of see you doing that was the biggest thing that I noticed. Just attractive Die, They're having a good time over there, Like this's all seems like good vibes. I feel like especially coming out of your divorce and this is your first time dating. It was just like, oh, this is like, yeah, you're enjoying yourself.
If you're having a good time. I might have then I was done and smoked a lot that day. So there are some of that days. It's a little just a little fuzzy for me.
He seemed, you know, for all purposes, to be like a really upstanding guy. Seemed very charismatic and very much enamored with Brittany, which you know, made sense to me, like why wouldn't.
He be.
May Beach House is my happy place. We decided to go out for the weekend. It is where I have spent the last twenty five summers and as much time as I possibly can the rest of the year.
It is just this beautiful.
Saltwater canal that is lined with beach houses and fresh oysters and clams. I went out the day before and he came out after work on Friday, and we spent the weekend out there. But we had made plans to go to the drive in because he had never been. I did the whole back of the truck, mattress, snacks and blankets and you know, all of that stuff.
I found afford to make exceptions.
I mean, once word leaks out that the pirate has gone soft, people begin to disobey with them.
It's nothing but work, work, work, all the time. You mock my pain life.
I'm pretty sure I fell asleep because it's so cozy and comfortable to be in the back of a truck, cuddled up to this amazing man.
Please, please, I need to live.
It was the police that caught my memory. I asked him what was so important for him, true love, you replied.
I think he was insecure about his ability to have a solid relationship because he didn't feel like he had had one before. He said, I am so terrified that you are going to find out about how much of a jerk I used to be, and you're not going to want to be with me anymore. He said, I've worked so hard to not be that person anymore.
There was a story where.
He met a woman at a bar and took her back to his brother's house, trying to pass off his brother's house as his own. But the woman actually knew his sister in law, so she knew that it wasn't his house, but he still hooked up with her. When he looked me in the eyes, and I could see the fear of rejection or maybe not seeing him for who he was today. I told him that I am with who he is now, that you know, what's happened in the past doesn't matter, and the man that I want to be with is the one that is standing in front of me now. We both felt like we had finally found the person that we wanted to be with, and that we were in places in our lives where we were able to be open and vulnerable with each other and really get rid of the bullshit that came with our past lives and the baggage, and just focus on who we were to each other in that moment. Moving forward, out at the beach House, I had recently purchased the property across the street and it was a like a lot of acreage, and my intent was to create an event space and sort of this campground area. After we had gone there, he always talked about being my park ranger. That he wanted a little booth at the front and he would just sit in there, and you know, he.
Was going to be my park ranger.
So Canaan and I grew so close in five months, and I couldn't believe that we had spent almost a half a year together. We were talking about all of the things that we were going to do when football season stopped and we had more time. I got tickets to la for Brianna, Anna and I and decided that Canaan should come and meet more of my family spend time with us, so that he could feel comfortable stepping into this role as my new park ranger. We got on the plane, is Your Captain, and he reached into his carry on bag and pulled out this book that he gave to me. And this book was cartoon characters of him and I on the dates and adventures that we had been on over the last five months. On one of the pages, it was a picture of me and him lying in bed, and he said, I love how romantic you are here, everything I ever dreamt of. And my response was, well, let's just hope we're really not heavily medicated in an Essayan asylum. That I had made that comment one time in bed. The very last page of the book was this book lists just a few of the reasons why I didn't sell you Bitcoin. I can't wait to spend my life discovering more and more reasons to love you. Here's how my best friend Anna described it.
I think that anybody putting forth the type of effort that you put forth into a relationship, because you make everybody feel very special. So I think for you, that book was like somebody is putting forth the effort into me that I put into everybody else.
It's such a simple thing, a moment at some point three weeks before to plan it and to do it. So that was the start of our trip, which was amazing, and then the show. We had a great time at the show. What was it like traveling with us and that whole experience.
That experience, it was pretty awesome. I finally got to spend some time with him and actually engage and find out who he was. He talked about his career path, which I found to be very impressive. It was like really amazing, you know, the work that he was doing and why he was doing it. So I think that the sort of the initial questions started to arise when your cousin Greg started asking questions at dinner.
And we're at this great spot in Manhattan Beach where you just sort of order small dishes. We had like twenty different overabundance school. Greg is ordering, Yes, that's what's going to happen. Greg is my dad's age there cousins. I frequently go to La just to stay for a couple of days at his place, and we go to dinner and we spend a lot of time together talking. His opinion matters so much on who I connect with and who I bring around, especially after the two failed marriages. We were at one of those long tables with bench like seating and Greg, Brianna and Anna were on one side and Canaan and I were on.
The other, as we usually did.
We were sitting as close as we could to each other, thigh to thigh, and he had his phone in his pocket and it was vibrating constantly, notifications, just constantly. And I understand being polite and not pulling your phone out at dinner and like whatever, but we have children, and when your phone goes off NonStop, like you check at some point. At one point he excused himself and went to the bathroom. In my brain, I was like, he's checking his phone. Something's off. Didn't say anything. And then later that night we were on Greg's patio and I remember looking over at the two of them talking and initially it's like, Oh, I'm so glad Greg is really important to me close to me.
And then Greg asking more questions, and there were some questions that came up where we were sort of shooting looks at each other across the table, like, well, that's different than anything that I've heard you tell me before.
He brought up his time in the military, and then Greg just is Greg, and he dives deep into whoever he's talking to. He really tries to get to know people. So he was asking him questions about his time in the military, why he left his work, about his ex wife, and it's really for Greg about getting to know somebody closely. Canaan fell into that conversation so comfortably with Greg that we ended up talking for a couple hours that night. My daughter Brie remembered the details and.
It got into more of the specifics of her dying and the drug abuse, and Greg was doing the light oh if this is too much. It was dating into light some pretty light intense details about like going through addiction and hating to deal with that and deal with that with his son around her addiction. I mean, there was a lot of It was a long time that we were talking about it, they were descriptive stories, like there was a lot of depth to it. I mean, I think we were in the living room talking for like another hour or two after dinner, and I remember feeling like it was heavy and feeling like it was intense. I think I was jumping in and talked to write about it too, just I mean, that's that's why my relationship ended previously, was drug abuse and use and kind of things around that. So I remember us stating to really a deep, kind of personal level about those issues.
The story that Canaan was telling in that moment was not the same story that I had heard before. The details of the story that he was telling were different than he had told me previously, and it was similar enough that it made sense, But I also started questioning the story he told me, or which story do I believe. I remember watching Canaan and Greg talking, and Canaan's everything started to change, how he was sitting, how he was crossing his legs, his tone in his voice, and he started mirroring Greg. And it was incredible to watch, and it didn't make any sense to me because it wasn't how he had ever talked to me, I had never seen this side of him that with the phone and sort of some of the other stuff was for sure, the first time that I really started questioning all of it that entire trip was when he just unraveled.
You probably think The Stories About You is a production of Large Media. That's La r J Media. Our executive producer is Britney Ard. Our showrunner is Sid Gladou. Creative direction by Tina nol. Our associate producer is Kareem Kiltau. Sound engineering by Chris Young and Sean Simmons. Graphic design by Nigella Shama, opening theme by youth Star, and miscellaneous. If you want to know more about Britt, follow her on social media. You can find her at Britney dot Ard on all platforms. If you like what we're doing, don't forget to hit that follow button wherever you're listening to this podcast right now, and also give us a rate or review on Apple Podcast or Spotify