Family Secrets is a production of My Heart Radio. Danny's Listening is a bonus series brought to you by Family Secrets. Hi, Danny, Mrs Chris, thank you so very much for your podcast. Every time I listen, I think these are my people. I grew up in the Midwest in a family of six. We weren't really allowed to talk about things. My parents were very focused on appearances and rules. But I was one of those children who is fascinated with detective shows, with questioning things. Was trying to get the root of the truth they let's just say that didn't go over very well with my family. My note life has been filled with secrets becoming uncovered, most often unintentionally. For example, after Jacades telling my doctors my medical history and stating my grandfather died of rmatroid arthritis, which is what I've been told, I realized I was getting the same strange look. I didn't know my grandfather. He died when my mom was an adolescent, and whenever I asked about him, she would only say he was just a dad. Okay. I later learned my grandfather had died of syphilis. It was a secret something my grandmother ever wanted down. Although a newborn syphilis test is listed on my mother's birth certificate, no one ever knew about that, and they didn't know the cause of his death. In fact, it was just this past year that my uncle told me my grandfather died of skin cancer. So the secret was well kept, and it continues on in some of my family. A lot of the layers of secret making and secret keeping began to unravel my my parents both became ill and began to die. My younger brother was the golden child of our family. Soon after my parents became ill, he was arrested and we discovered he had been a boyer for over twenty five years. It was a complete fact to all of us. My brother's secret has probably been the most difficult for our family. I wonder now why I never saw this part of him, if I ever really knew him, and I felt guilty. I still feel guilty because I believe the way he presented himself with who he really was. I thought his wife and kids were the luckiest of all of our family because they had such great has been his father. And I also feel guilty because I wish I could do something to help him, and I can't. The secret key thing seems to be a part of a family culture. I'm wondering what you think about that. I feel like I've been working on finding freedom from what I call our family boys. By that, I mean that sometimes there's this voice that's usually unspoken, sometimes spoken, but mostly unspoken. It tells us who we are and what role we have to play, what we can reveal and not reveal about ourselves to the world outside our family. We can't just see who we are. M. Hi, Chris, it's Danny. Thank you so much for calling in to share your story. I'm glad you're an avid listener of the podcast, and most of all, what you said, these are my people. Every time I hear those words, I'm reminded of why I do this work. It began with my own secret and then the realization that telling our stories, airing them out, giving them space and light. It's exactly what heals us and lets us know that we're not alone, and my God, we are not alone. Why does Family Secrets have so many listeners. I'm pretty sure a big part of the reason is that secrets affect every family. We just don't know. M. In your family of six, you weren't allowed to talk about things. There were rules, ways to be It doesn't surprise me that as a child you were fascinated by detective shows. Children who are raised in homes filled with secrets often turn into little mini detectives, spies, sluice snooping, uncovering every stone, trying to figure out why things feel so weird. So the first secret you mentioned has to do with your grandfather's cause of death. You mentioned that you had been giving incorrect medical history to doctors all your life. Cause of death rheumatoid arthritis, presumably hereditary, something you thought was a part of your genetic history. But that secret was well kept, So well kept that an uncle of yours told you that it was skin cancer. But the truth he died of syphilis. This would have been a source of familial shame, and that secret would have been buried with him. He was just a dad, after all. It's so often when people become ill and eventually die that secrets start tumbling out. You didn't talk about how you found out the second secret that your beloved brother has spent many years as a voyeur. But it does seem that secrets lead to secrets, which lead to more secrets. And the uncovering of them goes the same way they fall like dominoes. Of course, this was profoundly difficult for your family and for you. You ask if you ever really knew him. You state that you feel guilty, that you wish you could do something to help it, and you can't. Your family culture secret keeping, it seems to me, is part of your family voice, as you call it. You all can't talk about who you really are, what you struggle with. I guess the question I have is why not. Your parents are gone, your grandparents are gone, your brother is struggling. Sometimes all we need is someone to listen, to love us and know us as we are. It doesn't mean you approve of it or condone his behavior, just that you love him in all his human frailty. That's what I heard anyway in your voice. If you have a family secret story you'd like to share on Danny's listening, please call eight eight eight Secret zero. That's eight eight eight S E C R E T and the number zero

Family Secrets is a production of My Heart Radio. Danny's Listening is a bonus series brought to you by Family Secrets. Hi, Danny, Mrs Chris, thank you so very much for your podcast. Every time I listen, I think these are my people. I grew up in the Midwest in a family of six. We weren't really allowed to talk about things. My parents were very focused on appearances and rules. But I was one of those children who is fascinated with detective shows, with questioning things. Was trying to get the root of the truth they let's just say that didn't go over very well with my family. My note life has been filled with secrets becoming uncovered, most often unintentionally. For example, after Jacades telling my doctors my medical history and stating my grandfather died of rmatroid arthritis, which is what I've been told, I realized I was getting the same strange look. I didn't know my grandfather. He died when my mom was an adolescent, and whenever I asked about him, she would only say he was just a dad. Okay. I later learned my grandfather had died of syphilis. It was a secret something my grandmother ever wanted down. Although a newborn syphilis test is listed on my mother's birth certificate, no one ever knew about that, and they didn't know the cause of his death. In fact, it was just this past year that my uncle told me my grandfather died of skin cancer. So the secret was well kept, and it continues on in some of my family. A lot of the layers of secret making and secret keeping began to unravel my my parents both became ill and began to die. My younger brother was the golden child of our family. Soon after my parents became ill, he was arrested and we discovered he had been a boyer for over twenty five years. It was a complete fact to all of us. My brother's secret has probably been the most difficult for our family. I wonder now why I never saw this part of him, if I ever really knew him, and I felt guilty. I still feel guilty because I believe the way he presented himself with who he really was. I thought his wife and kids were the luckiest of all of our family because they had such great has been his father. And I also feel guilty because I wish I could do something to help him, and I can't. The secret key thing seems to be a part of a family culture. I'm wondering what you think about that. I feel like I've been working on finding freedom from what I call our family boys. By that, I mean that sometimes there's this voice that's usually unspoken, sometimes spoken, but mostly unspoken. It tells us who we are and what role we have to play, what we can reveal and not reveal about ourselves to the world outside our family. We can't just see who we are. M. Hi, Chris, it's Danny. Thank you so much for calling in to share your story. I'm glad you're an avid listener of the podcast, and most of all, what you said, these are my people. Every time I hear those words, I'm reminded of why I do this work. It began with my own secret and then the realization that telling our stories, airing them out, giving them space and light. It's exactly what heals us and lets us know that we're not alone, and my God, we are not alone. Why does Family Secrets have so many listeners. I'm pretty sure a big part of the reason is that secrets affect every family. We just don't know. M. In your family of six, you weren't allowed to talk about things. There were rules, ways to be It doesn't surprise me that as a child you were fascinated by detective shows. Children who are raised in homes filled with secrets often turn into little mini detectives, spies, sluice snooping, uncovering every stone, trying to figure out why things feel so weird. So the first secret you mentioned has to do with your grandfather's cause of death. You mentioned that you had been giving incorrect medical history to doctors all your life. Cause of death rheumatoid arthritis, presumably hereditary, something you thought was a part of your genetic history. But that secret was well kept, So well kept that an uncle of yours told you that it was skin cancer. But the truth he died of syphilis. This would have been a source of familial shame, and that secret would have been buried with him. He was just a dad, after all. It's so often when people become ill and eventually die that secrets start tumbling out. You didn't talk about how you found out the second secret that your beloved brother has spent many years as a voyeur. But it does seem that secrets lead to secrets, which lead to more secrets. And the uncovering of them goes the same way they fall like dominoes. Of course, this was profoundly difficult for your family and for you. You ask if you ever really knew him. You state that you feel guilty, that you wish you could do something to help it, and you can't. Your family culture secret keeping, it seems to me, is part of your family voice, as you call it. You all can't talk about who you really are, what you struggle with. I guess the question I have is why not. Your parents are gone, your grandparents are gone, your brother is struggling. Sometimes all we need is someone to listen, to love us and know us as we are. It doesn't mean you approve of it or condone his behavior, just that you love him in all his human frailty. That's what I heard anyway in your voice. If you have a family secret story you'd like to share on Danny's listening, please call eight eight eight Secret zero. That's eight eight eight S E C R E T and the number zero