Hey friends, please enjoy this encore presentation of equipped with Chris Brown. Well hey there folks, welcome to another exciting edition of equipped with Chris Brooks! I am so glad you tuned in today. We've been praying for you. Why don't you strap on your seatbelt? We're going to navigate through the contours of culture, as always, with the lens of the biblical worldview on. But before we do that, let me remind you that this is the day that the Lord has made. He has given it as a gift, so that you and I might rejoice and be glad in it. So let's do just that. Let's follow the words of the Apostle Paul. Let's rejoice in the Lord always. And again I say rejoice. And with that, I welcome you into one of the most important editions of equipped that we have done today. We get a chance to have a critical conversation about An Inconvenient Truth, and that is the truth of domestic violence. It's a subject and a topic that often the church wants to skirt and avoid. Um, I know what it's like to be a church leader and to be unaware. I also know what it's like to be a church leader who's been made aware of the reality of domestic violence, and to simply feel the internal resistance to wanting to have a very tough conversation. Because what if those that I know I love, I lead, are somehow living this reality? But just because we ignore tough issues does not make them go away? As a matter of fact. Time only makes bad news even worse. The fact is, is that the more we delay having the conversation, the more people suffer in silence. Today we prayed. We prayed before we began the broadcast. In particular, for those of you who are living in the reality of domestic violence. No one to talk to and maybe no one to share with. I hope that these words, as they enter your ears and penetrate your heart, are words of comfort. I hope that this broadcast begins a journey of healing, or maybe even further ignites your fire. That God sees you. He loves you. He has a purpose for your life and that he is not the author of pain, but he is the God of healing. And I know that everything in you emotionally, spiritually may seem all confused right now, but I just would ask that you would dedicate the next hour or so to listening to a very powerful conversation from someone who has lived the experience today in particular, we're not just going to talk about domestic violence broadly or in general, but we want to talk about a forgotten group that often is not considered in this conversation, and that is the children of domestic violence. Statistically, over 15 million children are exposed to domestic violence yearly, and over 40 million adults grew up in these types of households. There are millions of you listening to me right now that grew up in a home that was marked by violence and that was unsafe, unsettling. You felt unprotected, but even worse, you felt unseen and unknown. Well, today we want to tell your story and to help us to do that is author and advocate Tiffany Mensah. Tiffany Mensah is a corporate woman by training in the area of marketing. She has helped to do everything from TV commercials to broader national marketing campaigns. Part of the CEO Marketing Circle for excellence and in coaching for her work in corporate America. But she's made a transition and has focused her time recently on telling her story as a victim of domestic violence. Household growing up as a child and living through that trauma. Her journey is one who would be labeled as forgotten, living in the shadows of domestic violence and what God has done in helping her to not only survive, but to heal and to thrive. She has helped to co-launch the Doves network, and she'll explain more about that right now. Tiffany, so glad to have you. How are you?

Hey friends, please enjoy this encore presentation of equipped with Chris Brown. Well hey there folks, welcome to another exciting edition of equipped with Chris Brooks! I am so glad you tuned in today. We've been praying for you. Why don't you strap on your seatbelt? We're going to navigate through the contours of culture, as always, with the lens of the biblical worldview on. But before we do that, let me remind you that this is the day that the Lord has made. He has given it as a gift, so that you and I might rejoice and be glad in it. So let's do just that. Let's follow the words of the Apostle Paul. Let's rejoice in the Lord always. And again I say rejoice. And with that, I welcome you into one of the most important editions of equipped that we have done today. We get a chance to have a critical conversation about An Inconvenient Truth, and that is the truth of domestic violence. It's a subject and a topic that often the church wants to skirt and avoid. Um, I know what it's like to be a church leader and to be unaware. I also know what it's like to be a church leader who's been made aware of the reality of domestic violence, and to simply feel the internal resistance to wanting to have a very tough conversation. Because what if those that I know I love, I lead, are somehow living this reality? But just because we ignore tough issues does not make them go away? As a matter of fact. Time only makes bad news even worse. The fact is, is that the more we delay having the conversation, the more people suffer in silence. Today we prayed. We prayed before we began the broadcast. In particular, for those of you who are living in the reality of domestic violence. No one to talk to and maybe no one to share with. I hope that these words, as they enter your ears and penetrate your heart, are words of comfort. I hope that this broadcast begins a journey of healing, or maybe even further ignites your fire. That God sees you. He loves you. He has a purpose for your life and that he is not the author of pain, but he is the God of healing. And I know that everything in you emotionally, spiritually may seem all confused right now, but I just would ask that you would dedicate the next hour or so to listening to a very powerful conversation from someone who has lived the experience today in particular, we're not just going to talk about domestic violence broadly or in general, but we want to talk about a forgotten group that often is not considered in this conversation, and that is the children of domestic violence. Statistically, over 15 million children are exposed to domestic violence yearly, and over 40 million adults grew up in these types of households. There are millions of you listening to me right now that grew up in a home that was marked by violence and that was unsafe, unsettling. You felt unprotected, but even worse, you felt unseen and unknown. Well, today we want to tell your story and to help us to do that is author and advocate Tiffany Mensah. Tiffany Mensah is a corporate woman by training in the area of marketing. She has helped to do everything from TV commercials to broader national marketing campaigns. Part of the CEO Marketing Circle for excellence and in coaching for her work in corporate America. But she's made a transition and has focused her time recently on telling her story as a victim of domestic violence. Household growing up as a child and living through that trauma. Her journey is one who would be labeled as forgotten, living in the shadows of domestic violence and what God has done in helping her to not only survive, but to heal and to thrive. She has helped to co-launch the Doves network, and she'll explain more about that right now. Tiffany, so glad to have you. How are you?

I'm good. Thank you for having me.

I'm good. Thank you for having me.

You know, I so appreciate you. Obviously, I've had the privilege of knowing you for years now. In many ways, being able to have a front row seat to your life story. You have a phenomenal background in corporate America, but in the midst of all that God has done in your life professionally, there's been this backstory which has been the broad narrative of your life that you capture in this powerful, painful book that is so healing in many ways, and it's hard to put all of that into one sentence. But it's true. Concerning the book forgotten, it's a memoir subtitled living in the Shadows of Domestic Violence. Tiffany, let's start with why did you feel compelled to write the story?

You know, I so appreciate you. Obviously, I've had the privilege of knowing you for years now. In many ways, being able to have a front row seat to your life story. You have a phenomenal background in corporate America, but in the midst of all that God has done in your life professionally, there's been this backstory which has been the broad narrative of your life that you capture in this powerful, painful book that is so healing in many ways, and it's hard to put all of that into one sentence. But it's true. Concerning the book forgotten, it's a memoir subtitled living in the Shadows of Domestic Violence. Tiffany, let's start with why did you feel compelled to write the story?

I felt compelled to write it, honestly. It started as my college essay paper, and that was back in 2006. And my my sister in law, she was my friend then just mentioned, why don't you write on your life? And for the first time that I think about, like, let me write on my life. And when I did, it was so therapeutic. But in the earlier versions of this manuscript, it was very angry and a very unhealed version of me. And later on, after I went through my healing journey years later, and I've been married for five years now, and upon getting married, I inherited two bonus daughters, adult bonus daughters, and it was my husband. And it was just seeing just their life decisions and having conversations with them about life and relationships that my husband was like, you should pour your life learnings into. You should pick that manuscript back up. And in doing that, I was able to reflect upon the healing process and bring this manuscript to a place of healing. And most importantly, once I was writing it for the like to self publish it, I noticed this was bigger than me. I started hearing more news reports about parents being killed, moms being killed, the father killing himself and in my heart, like my heart was inclined to like what is happening to the children? Like how do the children heal from this? Or what is, you know, you don't hear anything. Any follow up, any follow through. And once I started doing research and started seeing that there's actually a name to us growing up in these households called childhood domestic violence. And that is for the first time I realized this is bigger than me. And because it was bigger than me, I just continued to push forward and pushing it out into the world, because there's less than even 15% awareness that there's an issue.

I felt compelled to write it, honestly. It started as my college essay paper, and that was back in 2006. And my my sister in law, she was my friend then just mentioned, why don't you write on your life? And for the first time that I think about, like, let me write on my life. And when I did, it was so therapeutic. But in the earlier versions of this manuscript, it was very angry and a very unhealed version of me. And later on, after I went through my healing journey years later, and I've been married for five years now, and upon getting married, I inherited two bonus daughters, adult bonus daughters, and it was my husband. And it was just seeing just their life decisions and having conversations with them about life and relationships that my husband was like, you should pour your life learnings into. You should pick that manuscript back up. And in doing that, I was able to reflect upon the healing process and bring this manuscript to a place of healing. And most importantly, once I was writing it for the like to self publish it, I noticed this was bigger than me. I started hearing more news reports about parents being killed, moms being killed, the father killing himself and in my heart, like my heart was inclined to like what is happening to the children? Like how do the children heal from this? Or what is, you know, you don't hear anything. Any follow up, any follow through. And once I started doing research and started seeing that there's actually a name to us growing up in these households called childhood domestic violence. And that is for the first time I realized this is bigger than me. And because it was bigger than me, I just continued to push forward and pushing it out into the world, because there's less than even 15% awareness that there's an issue.

Yeah. You know, you have such a phenomenal story to share with the world. And again, I try to describe it the right way, a mixture of both pain and promise, of both hurt and healing. But in many ways, your story starts with your parents. I want you to talk about your your phenomenal mom and and your the family you grew up in.

Yeah. You know, you have such a phenomenal story to share with the world. And again, I try to describe it the right way, a mixture of both pain and promise, of both hurt and healing. But in many ways, your story starts with your parents. I want you to talk about your your phenomenal mom and and your the family you grew up in.

Yeah. So I grew up, I'm the youngest of four, and my parents were married for 30 years. They were married very young teenagers. Right. And I and my father is also a preacher. And I put that in there because I will segment and the importance of that. And my parents, it was a very loving relationship, like we had a lot of fun. We laughed a lot, like we were all to ourselves. But at the age of seven, I witnessed my father abuse my mother for the first time. And unfortunately, that image was like forever scarred in my head and just the onset of the trauma. And it just continued like apparently it had been going on behind closed doors throughout the whole marriage, but at the age of seven was the first time I saw it. And it continued. And from the age of 7 to 17 years old, when my mom finally said, enough, I can't do this anymore, my we left. And statistics show that that victims leave 7 to 8 different times before they finally leave. And we hit that mark so my mom would run for safety multiple times during that age gap of seven and 17 years old, and we will go to safe havens now. During the early 90s, there was not a lot of domestic violence agency talk. It wasn't very more widespread as it's becoming right now. And so we will go stay with family members or friends of family members. And my like, my mom was embraced with open arms and I remember the love that she received. But when she would have me with her, it was like I was very quiet because I was only we were only allowed to be around our family. We didn't have outside circle. So being in some stranger's homes, I didn't know them, I didn't know who they were. And right off the bat, they were less empathetic towards me. And it was like I was kind of treated like the plus one, like, okay, you're here, okay, we'll help you out. But mom gets all this love and attention, and from there it turned into like, I don't feel seen. I don't feel heard. And I was, you know, trying to communicate as a child. You don't know how to communicate your feelings and you don't know how to communicate the impact of witnessing what you're witnessing, because you're going through a flood of emotions, too. And even just trying to articulate with my young vocabulary like, I don't like this, I want to go home. Um, my mom was just trying to survive and she knew of going home. He might kill me, he might hurt me. And we we. So we went through this cycle of on the run back again, on the run back again, where promises were made. It would be better, but it wasn't. And I use the example of my father. I not use the example. I provide the fact that my father is a preacher because within church, you know, you learn the church. So you have your foundation and you're praying, God, make this stop. But it's not stopping. And in that you have to put on a face. You have to put on a mask very early because you couldn't tell anyone that this was happening. So you're also dealing with even the spiritual component where my mom would go to leadership and was told, God hates divorce. Be a better wife. Yeah. Go back. And we're witnessing this.

Yeah. So I grew up, I'm the youngest of four, and my parents were married for 30 years. They were married very young teenagers. Right. And I and my father is also a preacher. And I put that in there because I will segment and the importance of that. And my parents, it was a very loving relationship, like we had a lot of fun. We laughed a lot, like we were all to ourselves. But at the age of seven, I witnessed my father abuse my mother for the first time. And unfortunately, that image was like forever scarred in my head and just the onset of the trauma. And it just continued like apparently it had been going on behind closed doors throughout the whole marriage, but at the age of seven was the first time I saw it. And it continued. And from the age of 7 to 17 years old, when my mom finally said, enough, I can't do this anymore, my we left. And statistics show that that victims leave 7 to 8 different times before they finally leave. And we hit that mark so my mom would run for safety multiple times during that age gap of seven and 17 years old, and we will go to safe havens now. During the early 90s, there was not a lot of domestic violence agency talk. It wasn't very more widespread as it's becoming right now. And so we will go stay with family members or friends of family members. And my like, my mom was embraced with open arms and I remember the love that she received. But when she would have me with her, it was like I was very quiet because I was only we were only allowed to be around our family. We didn't have outside circle. So being in some stranger's homes, I didn't know them, I didn't know who they were. And right off the bat, they were less empathetic towards me. And it was like I was kind of treated like the plus one, like, okay, you're here, okay, we'll help you out. But mom gets all this love and attention, and from there it turned into like, I don't feel seen. I don't feel heard. And I was, you know, trying to communicate as a child. You don't know how to communicate your feelings and you don't know how to communicate the impact of witnessing what you're witnessing, because you're going through a flood of emotions, too. And even just trying to articulate with my young vocabulary like, I don't like this, I want to go home. Um, my mom was just trying to survive and she knew of going home. He might kill me, he might hurt me. And we we. So we went through this cycle of on the run back again, on the run back again, where promises were made. It would be better, but it wasn't. And I use the example of my father. I not use the example. I provide the fact that my father is a preacher because within church, you know, you learn the church. So you have your foundation and you're praying, God, make this stop. But it's not stopping. And in that you have to put on a face. You have to put on a mask very early because you couldn't tell anyone that this was happening. So you're also dealing with even the spiritual component where my mom would go to leadership and was told, God hates divorce. Be a better wife. Yeah. Go back. And we're witnessing this.

You know, as I listen to you, obviously my heart breaks. And yet I realize that this is a tough and honest conversation that the church must have. So often the church has failed its victims of abuse, regardless of the type of abuse. And it's because too often we've prioritized image over integrity, the appearance of success over the reality of faithfulness to God. And so today, I've encouraged Tiffany to be transparent and honest with you as we talk about a tough situation. But, you know, Satan thrives in the darkness, Tiff. And I believe that That he thrives in the darkness. And when the light is exposed, he is defeated. And so today we're going to shine the light of Christ on a very painful situation. In the book, uh, Tiffany shares why she wrote her story. She simply says this. I chose to tell my story because it holds the key to someone else's victory. And I believe that. I believe that today is the day where God wants to launch you on your healing journey. I believe that today is the day where God wants you to know victory. And so we're going to take a short break. When we come back from this break. Tiffany is going to take us a little bit further into what it meant to be one of the forgotten growing up in a home marked by domestic violence, uh, what it meant to be on the run with her mother, and more importantly, to talk about how she found healing in the midst of it all. We're also going to admonish you to take advantage of national resources as well. But I believe one of the best resources is for you to get your hands on a copy of forgotten. A memoir, living in the Shadows of Domestic Violence, written by Tiffany Mensah. You can find out more at our website. Equip radio.org. That's equip radio.org. Join the conversation on social media as well on all our social platforms. You share, you comment. We'll respond. Whatever you do, don't change that dial. The best is yet to come. Next up on equipped with Chris Brooks. Do you want to deepen your prayer life but you don't know where to start? Praying the Bible. By doctor Don Whitney shows how anyone can have meaningful prayer times using Scripture as our guide. This transformative book reveals how the Bible, especially the Psalms, can fuel your prayer life with fresh language and God centered thoughts. Get your copy today. When you give a gift to equip, call 888, 644 4144 or give online at Equip radio.org. Chris Brooks here reminding you that today's program is pre-recorded and we won't be taking your calls. Welcome back to equip with Chris Brooks. Maybe you're one of over 15 million children that are experiencing or exposed to domestic violence yearly. Or maybe you're one of over 40 million adults who grew up in these types of households. Well, today we want to talk about domestic violence. We want to talk about the group that's often overlooked and that is the children. We want to give you help, hope and healing from God's Word. Today, I'm encouraged to be joined by Tiffany Mensah, author and advocate. She has written a phenomenal memoir. Her book, forgotten is a book that you should have. And I would say that to every pastor, every leader, those who have survived domestic violence and those who want to use their time, talent and treasure to make an impact in the lives of others. You can find out more at our website. Equip radio.org that's equipped radio.org. Tiffany, you say this in your in your memoirs you say my dad was the terrorist in our home day and night and our family was a prisoner of war. You go on to say I became a fighter with a warrior complex, fighting for myself physically and verbally. Those are strong words, Tiffany. What? What is that? What did you mean behind that?

You know, as I listen to you, obviously my heart breaks. And yet I realize that this is a tough and honest conversation that the church must have. So often the church has failed its victims of abuse, regardless of the type of abuse. And it's because too often we've prioritized image over integrity, the appearance of success over the reality of faithfulness to God. And so today, I've encouraged Tiffany to be transparent and honest with you as we talk about a tough situation. But, you know, Satan thrives in the darkness, Tiff. And I believe that That he thrives in the darkness. And when the light is exposed, he is defeated. And so today we're going to shine the light of Christ on a very painful situation. In the book, uh, Tiffany shares why she wrote her story. She simply says this. I chose to tell my story because it holds the key to someone else's victory. And I believe that. I believe that today is the day where God wants to launch you on your healing journey. I believe that today is the day where God wants you to know victory. And so we're going to take a short break. When we come back from this break. Tiffany is going to take us a little bit further into what it meant to be one of the forgotten growing up in a home marked by domestic violence, uh, what it meant to be on the run with her mother, and more importantly, to talk about how she found healing in the midst of it all. We're also going to admonish you to take advantage of national resources as well. But I believe one of the best resources is for you to get your hands on a copy of forgotten. A memoir, living in the Shadows of Domestic Violence, written by Tiffany Mensah. You can find out more at our website. Equip radio.org. That's equip radio.org. Join the conversation on social media as well on all our social platforms. You share, you comment. We'll respond. Whatever you do, don't change that dial. The best is yet to come. Next up on equipped with Chris Brooks. Do you want to deepen your prayer life but you don't know where to start? Praying the Bible. By doctor Don Whitney shows how anyone can have meaningful prayer times using Scripture as our guide. This transformative book reveals how the Bible, especially the Psalms, can fuel your prayer life with fresh language and God centered thoughts. Get your copy today. When you give a gift to equip, call 888, 644 4144 or give online at Equip radio.org. Chris Brooks here reminding you that today's program is pre-recorded and we won't be taking your calls. Welcome back to equip with Chris Brooks. Maybe you're one of over 15 million children that are experiencing or exposed to domestic violence yearly. Or maybe you're one of over 40 million adults who grew up in these types of households. Well, today we want to talk about domestic violence. We want to talk about the group that's often overlooked and that is the children. We want to give you help, hope and healing from God's Word. Today, I'm encouraged to be joined by Tiffany Mensah, author and advocate. She has written a phenomenal memoir. Her book, forgotten is a book that you should have. And I would say that to every pastor, every leader, those who have survived domestic violence and those who want to use their time, talent and treasure to make an impact in the lives of others. You can find out more at our website. Equip radio.org that's equipped radio.org. Tiffany, you say this in your in your memoirs you say my dad was the terrorist in our home day and night and our family was a prisoner of war. You go on to say I became a fighter with a warrior complex, fighting for myself physically and verbally. Those are strong words, Tiffany. What? What is that? What did you mean behind that?

The first part is that you didn't know what version of of my father you were going to receive each day. So you're walking. It feels like on a minefield. You don't know what I'm going to do, what I'm going to say to trigger him if he's already going to come home triggered because a lot of his lashings out on my mom turned into he had a bad day, or he got a wrong phone call and he took it out. And so you don't know if your house is a house of peace, and to live like that is just you're on the edge every day. You're on the edge of, how am I going to see my mom today? I can't help my mom in these, like the after or in the even in the middle. And you just like that's just the best way to describe it, is that you're filled with an immense amount of guilt because you can't help. You are helpless. You can't call anyone because unfortunately, you lived under the what happens here, stays here mantra. Right? And so with that, you you feel helpless. And as you continue to grow, when you don't have conversations with adults or those who can help, like what can I do? You start taking it into your own hands of, well, I will be my own defense. So as I got older, like I watched shows like Matlock and Inspector Vector gadget. So I would try to take like mini tape recorders and record what's happening. If my mom ever needed a case for for the police and trying to like, take the Polaroid and sneakily take pictures of her to kind of save and be her defender. But when you're also when we would live on the on the run, when we would leave my father and we're living with strangers, there were other children in the homes and I was bullied, quite frankly, and I didn't know how to get them to stop. But I learned an unhealthy way. But I learned how to fight because that's how I watched my father resolve his issues was by fighting. So if I need to get these kids off my back, then I'm going to start fighting. And that went into high school. I also learned how to cut you with my mouth, because if you were hitting me with your words, I'm going to hit you back and let me figure out how to hit you back deeper because I was.

The first part is that you didn't know what version of of my father you were going to receive each day. So you're walking. It feels like on a minefield. You don't know what I'm going to do, what I'm going to say to trigger him if he's already going to come home triggered because a lot of his lashings out on my mom turned into he had a bad day, or he got a wrong phone call and he took it out. And so you don't know if your house is a house of peace, and to live like that is just you're on the edge every day. You're on the edge of, how am I going to see my mom today? I can't help my mom in these, like the after or in the even in the middle. And you just like that's just the best way to describe it, is that you're filled with an immense amount of guilt because you can't help. You are helpless. You can't call anyone because unfortunately, you lived under the what happens here, stays here mantra. Right? And so with that, you you feel helpless. And as you continue to grow, when you don't have conversations with adults or those who can help, like what can I do? You start taking it into your own hands of, well, I will be my own defense. So as I got older, like I watched shows like Matlock and Inspector Vector gadget. So I would try to take like mini tape recorders and record what's happening. If my mom ever needed a case for for the police and trying to like, take the Polaroid and sneakily take pictures of her to kind of save and be her defender. But when you're also when we would live on the on the run, when we would leave my father and we're living with strangers, there were other children in the homes and I was bullied, quite frankly, and I didn't know how to get them to stop. But I learned an unhealthy way. But I learned how to fight because that's how I watched my father resolve his issues was by fighting. So if I need to get these kids off my back, then I'm going to start fighting. And that went into high school. I also learned how to cut you with my mouth, because if you were hitting me with your words, I'm going to hit you back and let me figure out how to hit you back deeper because I was.

Hurting when I, you know, when I think about what you what you shared, I think that so often we make the mistake, Tiffany, of not realizing that behind every action there is a narrative, a story, an experience, a lived experience that someone's going through. And the church has to be into more than just behavior modification. You know, it's so easy to simply tell people to play the part right to to look right, to act right to talk. Right. And I'm sure you learned how to navigate that world as well, how to appear to be picture perfect, how to seem to be under control and in the right mindset while privately and internally going through what some would describe as pure hell. Um, you write in your book that you experience feelings of abandonment, being forgotten, disregarded, and flat out unloved. Would you describe that as the source of your behavioral acting out, if you will.

Hurting when I, you know, when I think about what you what you shared, I think that so often we make the mistake, Tiffany, of not realizing that behind every action there is a narrative, a story, an experience, a lived experience that someone's going through. And the church has to be into more than just behavior modification. You know, it's so easy to simply tell people to play the part right to to look right, to act right to talk. Right. And I'm sure you learned how to navigate that world as well, how to appear to be picture perfect, how to seem to be under control and in the right mindset while privately and internally going through what some would describe as pure hell. Um, you write in your book that you experience feelings of abandonment, being forgotten, disregarded, and flat out unloved. Would you describe that as the source of your behavioral acting out, if you will.

Absolutely, absolutely. You know, my my love tank was empty. No child wants like a child wants to be able to cuddle up with their parents, have fun with their parents, and be able to have that normal childhood. And for so many years, I felt like my childhood was stolen from me. Like. And I was angry about that and it came out in other ways into adulthood. But that is absolutely how I felt.

Absolutely, absolutely. You know, my my love tank was empty. No child wants like a child wants to be able to cuddle up with their parents, have fun with their parents, and be able to have that normal childhood. And for so many years, I felt like my childhood was stolen from me. Like. And I was angry about that and it came out in other ways into adulthood. But that is absolutely how I felt.

Yeah. You chronicle in your book multiple times where your mom was on the run. Describe that experience and what that's like for you as a young girl.

Yeah. You chronicle in your book multiple times where your mom was on the run. Describe that experience and what that's like for you as a young girl.

It's terrifying, especially when you know, like home is your safe haven. We would leave in the middle of the night or Would, depending on dad's work shift, was because on on the long side of him being a full time pastor, he also still had a full time job. So depending on what his work schedule was, it was like we would plan these. Well, I didn't plan, but my mom would plan. We're leaving while he's gone, like he's gone and gone for work. We're out of here with minimal to no items, no clothing, no. And I talk about the teddy bear a lot in my book. Because for me, when you grow up in those homes, that teddy bear provided safe haven. So there would be so quick that decisions would be so quick to leave. I didn't have my teddy bear. I didn't have any of my things. So now you're staying with these people. You're kind of like on waiting for them to help provide you with basic needs. You have no communication with your other family, other siblings, and with me being the youngest, majority of my siblings were moved out. And it's like I just I want my family and like, we don't have any money. So again, you're dependent upon whoever's house you're living in at that time, whether you can eat their food, whether where you sleeping? Some places we were sleeping, it was it was a safe space for my father. But it wasn't ideal living circumstances like springs and the couches. And it's like you just long for feeling comfortable again. And you still really can't sleep as a child because you're looking over your back and you're like, well, is daddy going to come? Or what about these people in this house? Like, I don't know them. Like you're always on edge and unearthed.

It's terrifying, especially when you know, like home is your safe haven. We would leave in the middle of the night or Would, depending on dad's work shift, was because on on the long side of him being a full time pastor, he also still had a full time job. So depending on what his work schedule was, it was like we would plan these. Well, I didn't plan, but my mom would plan. We're leaving while he's gone, like he's gone and gone for work. We're out of here with minimal to no items, no clothing, no. And I talk about the teddy bear a lot in my book. Because for me, when you grow up in those homes, that teddy bear provided safe haven. So there would be so quick that decisions would be so quick to leave. I didn't have my teddy bear. I didn't have any of my things. So now you're staying with these people. You're kind of like on waiting for them to help provide you with basic needs. You have no communication with your other family, other siblings, and with me being the youngest, majority of my siblings were moved out. And it's like I just I want my family and like, we don't have any money. So again, you're dependent upon whoever's house you're living in at that time, whether you can eat their food, whether where you sleeping? Some places we were sleeping, it was it was a safe space for my father. But it wasn't ideal living circumstances like springs and the couches. And it's like you just long for feeling comfortable again. And you still really can't sleep as a child because you're looking over your back and you're like, well, is daddy going to come? Or what about these people in this house? Like, I don't know them. Like you're always on edge and unearthed.

Yeah. Those are are real emotions. And all of this is chronicled in your memoirs, your book, the The Forgotten. And I want to encourage folks to get a copy of the book, go to our website, equip radio.org that's equip radio.org. You know, Tiffany, as a pastor, I found myself wondering, how does all of this make a person feel about God? How does all of this shape the way you would hear messages preached and respond to the the message of the gospel? And so in your book, you say this for many years I felt God was punishing me. Can you just describe how abuse being in a domestic violence home, being a part of a forgotten group, how that impacts you spiritually?

Yeah. Those are are real emotions. And all of this is chronicled in your memoirs, your book, the The Forgotten. And I want to encourage folks to get a copy of the book, go to our website, equip radio.org that's equip radio.org. You know, Tiffany, as a pastor, I found myself wondering, how does all of this make a person feel about God? How does all of this shape the way you would hear messages preached and respond to the the message of the gospel? And so in your book, you say this for many years I felt God was punishing me. Can you just describe how abuse being in a domestic violence home, being a part of a forgotten group, how that impacts you spiritually?

Yes. When you are in you're growing up in the church, right? You're growing up in it. You're hearing it, you're praying. Every morning we would have prayer circles. Before my mom started leaving my dad, I remember us having prayer circles and praying that God would stop the abuse, that God would do something to just come and intervene and change him and it. And it felt like God wasn't answering the prayer. And it's like, what did I do? What did our family do to deserve this? Like, if God is so good, how are we in this? How are we struggling like this? How is this God's way for us? And when I honestly got to in college, I walked away. I couldn't do it. And then on top of that, when we would go, when we left my father, we went to another church that had never been to before. So that was kind of a culture shock as well. And again, I wasn't open to that and I was I knew our family church, and I remember on a Tuesday night, women praying over me, praying, trying to pray the demon out of me because I wasn't adhering to what they felt you should act like in church as a child. And it's like, oh, so you take all these experiences and you're just like, I've been doing it wrong anyway, because I've been getting the demon prayed out of me. I you haven't been answering our prayers. However, we've been taught to fear God. Fear God. We was embedded to fear God in the wrong ways. Like God is going to strike you down. So never did I say, God, I hate you. God. Like I'm just totally like, I never got to that point because I was scared of God and because I was scared of God. I said, all right, well, I'm still going to pray before I take my test in college. I am still going to pray over my food. I am going to acknowledge you on Sunday and play my gospel music. But at 7:00 I'll go back to regular me, you know? And I didn't understand that it wasn't. It was a relationship with Christ and with knowing, oh, go ahead.

Yes. When you are in you're growing up in the church, right? You're growing up in it. You're hearing it, you're praying. Every morning we would have prayer circles. Before my mom started leaving my dad, I remember us having prayer circles and praying that God would stop the abuse, that God would do something to just come and intervene and change him and it. And it felt like God wasn't answering the prayer. And it's like, what did I do? What did our family do to deserve this? Like, if God is so good, how are we in this? How are we struggling like this? How is this God's way for us? And when I honestly got to in college, I walked away. I couldn't do it. And then on top of that, when we would go, when we left my father, we went to another church that had never been to before. So that was kind of a culture shock as well. And again, I wasn't open to that and I was I knew our family church, and I remember on a Tuesday night, women praying over me, praying, trying to pray the demon out of me because I wasn't adhering to what they felt you should act like in church as a child. And it's like, oh, so you take all these experiences and you're just like, I've been doing it wrong anyway, because I've been getting the demon prayed out of me. I you haven't been answering our prayers. However, we've been taught to fear God. Fear God. We was embedded to fear God in the wrong ways. Like God is going to strike you down. So never did I say, God, I hate you. God. Like I'm just totally like, I never got to that point because I was scared of God and because I was scared of God. I said, all right, well, I'm still going to pray before I take my test in college. I am still going to pray over my food. I am going to acknowledge you on Sunday and play my gospel music. But at 7:00 I'll go back to regular me, you know? And I didn't understand that it wasn't. It was a relationship with Christ and with knowing, oh, go ahead.

No, I was just going to say, you know, as you were speaking and sharing, I was thinking about Psalm 13, verse number one, Tiffany, where the psalmist writes, how long, O Lord, will you hide your face from me. And and this is something that I love about Scripture, is that Scripture doesn't deny the the way that we process reality, the way that we interpret our situations. But in the same way, second Peter three and nine I think is really important. And it simply says, the Lord is not slow to fulfill his promises as some count slowness. God was there even in the times where it seemed like he was silent. And some are living through that silent period right now where you're wondering, God, where are you? I'm praying. Others are praying. We're crying out, what have we done to deserve what we're going through right now? Well, I don't want you to leave midway through the story. We got to take another short break, but when we come back, Tiffany is going to talk about where God was in the midst of all of it. How God found her, what the road of healing has looked like. We're also going to get very practical and try our best to offer help, hope, wisdom, healing, and resources for those of you who are living through domestic violence, in particular those who are forgotten, find out more about Tiffany's memoir by going to our website. Equip radio.org. Also, social media is available to you right now. Whatever you do, stick and stay. Much more to come. Next up on equip. Today's program has been pre-recorded so our phone lines are not open. Welcome back to equip with Chris Brooks. Having a very important critical conversation with author and advocate Tiffany Mensah. Uh, Tiffany has helped to launch a nonprofit called Dove's Network. You can find out more about Dove's at our website. There's a link for the doves network. Uh, there at Equip radio.org. You can also find out about her book. A memoir, forgotten is the title living in the Shadows of Domestic Violence, where she shares the story of as a child growing up in a home that was marked by domestic violence, how she has found her hope and her purpose in Christ through it all, and her desire to help others to experience freedom as well. Tiffany, there's never enough time. I mean, your story is so powerful, so compelling, and I feel so humbled to have been a part of the story in some ways, and being able to at least watch it from a front row seat. And I'm so godly proud of you and what God has done in you. Maybe the greatest story of what God's work has been has been the healing in your life, and I want to talk about that. Um, so you've gone through tremendous pain. You know what it's like to grow up in a war zone marred by domestic violence. You know what it's like to feel unseen, abandoned and forgotten. You know even what it's like to act out in ways that are self-destructive and self-sabotaging when and how they got transformed that way.

No, I was just going to say, you know, as you were speaking and sharing, I was thinking about Psalm 13, verse number one, Tiffany, where the psalmist writes, how long, O Lord, will you hide your face from me. And and this is something that I love about Scripture, is that Scripture doesn't deny the the way that we process reality, the way that we interpret our situations. But in the same way, second Peter three and nine I think is really important. And it simply says, the Lord is not slow to fulfill his promises as some count slowness. God was there even in the times where it seemed like he was silent. And some are living through that silent period right now where you're wondering, God, where are you? I'm praying. Others are praying. We're crying out, what have we done to deserve what we're going through right now? Well, I don't want you to leave midway through the story. We got to take another short break, but when we come back, Tiffany is going to talk about where God was in the midst of all of it. How God found her, what the road of healing has looked like. We're also going to get very practical and try our best to offer help, hope, wisdom, healing, and resources for those of you who are living through domestic violence, in particular those who are forgotten, find out more about Tiffany's memoir by going to our website. Equip radio.org. Also, social media is available to you right now. Whatever you do, stick and stay. Much more to come. Next up on equip. Today's program has been pre-recorded so our phone lines are not open. Welcome back to equip with Chris Brooks. Having a very important critical conversation with author and advocate Tiffany Mensah. Uh, Tiffany has helped to launch a nonprofit called Dove's Network. You can find out more about Dove's at our website. There's a link for the doves network. Uh, there at Equip radio.org. You can also find out about her book. A memoir, forgotten is the title living in the Shadows of Domestic Violence, where she shares the story of as a child growing up in a home that was marked by domestic violence, how she has found her hope and her purpose in Christ through it all, and her desire to help others to experience freedom as well. Tiffany, there's never enough time. I mean, your story is so powerful, so compelling, and I feel so humbled to have been a part of the story in some ways, and being able to at least watch it from a front row seat. And I'm so godly proud of you and what God has done in you. Maybe the greatest story of what God's work has been has been the healing in your life, and I want to talk about that. Um, so you've gone through tremendous pain. You know what it's like to grow up in a war zone marred by domestic violence. You know what it's like to feel unseen, abandoned and forgotten. You know even what it's like to act out in ways that are self-destructive and self-sabotaging when and how they got transformed that way.

And it's like the song Reckless Love. He leaves the 99 and chases the one. That's how I felt with my story. Because even though I felt like God was punishing me, I felt like God wasn't hearing our prayers. He came to me. He sent me angels in disguise. And in that, you know, at the time when I started noticing that it was God like, okay, this is you, there's no denying this is you that's chasing me down and sending these amazing people into my life. Um, I had already gone through tumultuous relationships. So I remember through the years you've mentioned do not be a public success and a private failure. And by the time I was coming through, actually coming to enter out of college, I was a public success, but a private failure. Because I've been in these horrible relationships. I'm going in dabbling into homosexuality. I'm dabbling into I had an abortion because I'm trying to find love in all the wrong places, forming these trauma bonds. And it was through. When my mother and my father divorced, my mother began attending the church that you formerly pastored, Evangel Ministries. And I remember like, okay, well, if that's what she needs, fine, I will support you. But you saw her. And the way that you and the members of the church cared for her soul. I had an eyebrow raise and I never forgot. She was like, well, you know, I sat and listened to you on a Thursday night Bible study and your transparency was like none other. And I was like, wait, you can be a preacher and tell that you're not perfect? Hold on. I felt like I got bamboozled, okay. Because I'd never heard such truth being delivered paired with the Word of God and the Word of God being taught in a proper context. Because when you grow up in a home like I have, especially with my father being a preacher, there's also the spiritual abuse. Scriptures were used out of context to continue the power and control. So hearing you and just sitting and studying you like I watched you. I don't know if you knew that, but I watched you. It was you're changing the way that I saw church, and I could feel a little bit by little bit more and more in my heart that there was a more opening to hear more and to learn more. And it was in sitting and knowing and then just meeting you, you were more concerned about who I was and what I was doing as a person, not telling me why I needed to be in church or you cared about the academia. And that to me spoke louder than any message you preached because you were there. You were changing how I saw church and I was ready to experience a relationship with Christ. And it was through your teachings and honestly, also the family nights of praises, because I always had a foundation of gospel music. I loved growing up with gospel music. Music is therapy to me, especially like the gospel music and the the the concerts even ministered the word. And it wasn't just about formalities and singing, it was word being ministered that ministered to me and which ultimately laid those seeds for me to become hungry, to want to change and to look at the humanity of man doesn't separate the divinity of God and that man. We're all broken. And regardless of the title, we still need Christ. And sitting under your teachings and being involved in community at Evangel helped me propel like, I want a relationship with Christ and to see to take the scales off. Like, wait, I'm thinking God didn't answer our prayers. God did answer our prayers because my mom made it out alive, right? Like she was able to walk away from an unhealthy marriage that God never designed for her to be in that way. Because when you look at the model in Ephesians, you don't see that he wants you. You know he doesn't want that. So to see her walking in fullness and to see you caring for her soul, that allowed me to feel God's love and to, for the first time in my life, understand that I don't have to fear God like fear him, but he doesn't intend for you to only fear him. He wants to see him as he wants you to see him as a loving God, a caring God like our ABBA Father. So that was what ushered me into my healing. And just I can never there's never a enough thank yous to you for being there. And I remember even I'm like, I'm healed enough and I'm serving, but I'm nowhere near healed. And I, I'm lashing out. And you still you never abandon you. You continue to. And I'm getting emotional goodness. You continue to show the love of Christ and that first Corinthians 13 love. And if we as the church as the body can do that more, it speaks more volumes than any sermons preached. And because you never left me, I wanted to seek more ways. Okay, let me go to counseling and the Lord bless me to be aligned with an amazing counselor that walked me through six years of uprooting these traumas and uprooting these cycles, and showing me, along with your teachings, of the Word of God. So it was the teachings of the Word of God, paired with counseling, that helped me get to the healing and being able to look at my life in a proper perspective.

And it's like the song Reckless Love. He leaves the 99 and chases the one. That's how I felt with my story. Because even though I felt like God was punishing me, I felt like God wasn't hearing our prayers. He came to me. He sent me angels in disguise. And in that, you know, at the time when I started noticing that it was God like, okay, this is you, there's no denying this is you that's chasing me down and sending these amazing people into my life. Um, I had already gone through tumultuous relationships. So I remember through the years you've mentioned do not be a public success and a private failure. And by the time I was coming through, actually coming to enter out of college, I was a public success, but a private failure. Because I've been in these horrible relationships. I'm going in dabbling into homosexuality. I'm dabbling into I had an abortion because I'm trying to find love in all the wrong places, forming these trauma bonds. And it was through. When my mother and my father divorced, my mother began attending the church that you formerly pastored, Evangel Ministries. And I remember like, okay, well, if that's what she needs, fine, I will support you. But you saw her. And the way that you and the members of the church cared for her soul. I had an eyebrow raise and I never forgot. She was like, well, you know, I sat and listened to you on a Thursday night Bible study and your transparency was like none other. And I was like, wait, you can be a preacher and tell that you're not perfect? Hold on. I felt like I got bamboozled, okay. Because I'd never heard such truth being delivered paired with the Word of God and the Word of God being taught in a proper context. Because when you grow up in a home like I have, especially with my father being a preacher, there's also the spiritual abuse. Scriptures were used out of context to continue the power and control. So hearing you and just sitting and studying you like I watched you. I don't know if you knew that, but I watched you. It was you're changing the way that I saw church, and I could feel a little bit by little bit more and more in my heart that there was a more opening to hear more and to learn more. And it was in sitting and knowing and then just meeting you, you were more concerned about who I was and what I was doing as a person, not telling me why I needed to be in church or you cared about the academia. And that to me spoke louder than any message you preached because you were there. You were changing how I saw church and I was ready to experience a relationship with Christ. And it was through your teachings and honestly, also the family nights of praises, because I always had a foundation of gospel music. I loved growing up with gospel music. Music is therapy to me, especially like the gospel music and the the the concerts even ministered the word. And it wasn't just about formalities and singing, it was word being ministered that ministered to me and which ultimately laid those seeds for me to become hungry, to want to change and to look at the humanity of man doesn't separate the divinity of God and that man. We're all broken. And regardless of the title, we still need Christ. And sitting under your teachings and being involved in community at Evangel helped me propel like, I want a relationship with Christ and to see to take the scales off. Like, wait, I'm thinking God didn't answer our prayers. God did answer our prayers because my mom made it out alive, right? Like she was able to walk away from an unhealthy marriage that God never designed for her to be in that way. Because when you look at the model in Ephesians, you don't see that he wants you. You know he doesn't want that. So to see her walking in fullness and to see you caring for her soul, that allowed me to feel God's love and to, for the first time in my life, understand that I don't have to fear God like fear him, but he doesn't intend for you to only fear him. He wants to see him as he wants you to see him as a loving God, a caring God like our ABBA Father. So that was what ushered me into my healing. And just I can never there's never a enough thank yous to you for being there. And I remember even I'm like, I'm healed enough and I'm serving, but I'm nowhere near healed. And I, I'm lashing out. And you still you never abandon you. You continue to. And I'm getting emotional goodness. You continue to show the love of Christ and that first Corinthians 13 love. And if we as the church as the body can do that more, it speaks more volumes than any sermons preached. And because you never left me, I wanted to seek more ways. Okay, let me go to counseling and the Lord bless me to be aligned with an amazing counselor that walked me through six years of uprooting these traumas and uprooting these cycles, and showing me, along with your teachings, of the Word of God. So it was the teachings of the Word of God, paired with counseling, that helped me get to the healing and being able to look at my life in a proper perspective.

Yeah. Wow. Um, let me just say that I'm super grateful for your heart, your story, your courage. And in writing these things out, um, I'm grateful that God has given the opportunity for me and my wife to have the relationship we have with you and your family. Thanks for adopting us into the family and that that wonderful relationship we have. And I think that the big takeaway, hopefully, is that while the church can be a place of hurt and the stories of hurt and pain are voluminous, and I mean, we hear them all the time. We're seeing books written, stories told of pain. I also don't want us to forget that the church can be a place of healing, of much healing, and it has been a place where so many have found Jesus in the love of Christ. Um, Tiffany, uh, before we go to our our final break, um, I do recognize that we're living in a pandemic in which quarantining at home is enormously difficult for some, in particular those who are experiencing rebuke abuse. Um, maybe with about a minute or so before a break, you can just kind of introduce some advice and we'll pick this up after the break. What advice would you give to those who are living through that right now?

Yeah. Wow. Um, let me just say that I'm super grateful for your heart, your story, your courage. And in writing these things out, um, I'm grateful that God has given the opportunity for me and my wife to have the relationship we have with you and your family. Thanks for adopting us into the family and that that wonderful relationship we have. And I think that the big takeaway, hopefully, is that while the church can be a place of hurt and the stories of hurt and pain are voluminous, and I mean, we hear them all the time. We're seeing books written, stories told of pain. I also don't want us to forget that the church can be a place of healing, of much healing, and it has been a place where so many have found Jesus in the love of Christ. Um, Tiffany, uh, before we go to our our final break, um, I do recognize that we're living in a pandemic in which quarantining at home is enormously difficult for some, in particular those who are experiencing rebuke abuse. Um, maybe with about a minute or so before a break, you can just kind of introduce some advice and we'll pick this up after the break. What advice would you give to those who are living through that right now?

So those that are you have to definitely be safe. Trying to leave is one of the most dangerous times that we've seen so far. You want to be safe, develop safety words with someone you trust to to so that they can know. You have to let someone know what's going on. You can go to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the hotline.org, and be able to chat with representatives. You're able to easily exit out without traces being known because digital abuse is another way, um, that that also impacts those who are trying to seek help. There is an are you safe app and you're able to develop safety plan measures. Um, you're also able to look at the symptoms and recommend those out and look at your state coalitions as well. And for those who may be family and friends, do not interrogate. Please don't interrogate. Please be a safe space. Please don't judge. Why don't you just leave? You should have just you should have been left. You know, questions and statements like that be supportive, you know, keep their business confidential. Be a resource for them. Get educated on what the power and control wheel looks like. And you are able to see how you can help them. What they're dealing with, because it's not. Domestic violence is more than a black eye. There's the financial, there's the emotional, there's the mental, there's isolation. There's all these components. So you want to make sure you're educated on it. Don't try to fix everything for them. Your role is just to be a trusted contact and a resource. Keep your eyes open. Yep.

So those that are you have to definitely be safe. Trying to leave is one of the most dangerous times that we've seen so far. You want to be safe, develop safety words with someone you trust to to so that they can know. You have to let someone know what's going on. You can go to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the hotline.org, and be able to chat with representatives. You're able to easily exit out without traces being known because digital abuse is another way, um, that that also impacts those who are trying to seek help. There is an are you safe app and you're able to develop safety plan measures. Um, you're also able to look at the symptoms and recommend those out and look at your state coalitions as well. And for those who may be family and friends, do not interrogate. Please don't interrogate. Please be a safe space. Please don't judge. Why don't you just leave? You should have just you should have been left. You know, questions and statements like that be supportive, you know, keep their business confidential. Be a resource for them. Get educated on what the power and control wheel looks like. And you are able to see how you can help them. What they're dealing with, because it's not. Domestic violence is more than a black eye. There's the financial, there's the emotional, there's the mental, there's isolation. There's all these components. So you want to make sure you're educated on it. Don't try to fix everything for them. Your role is just to be a trusted contact and a resource. Keep your eyes open. Yep.

Yeah, I think those are some initial guidelines. What we're going to do is take a short break when we come back. Uh, Tiffany, I want you to go a little bit deeper into what it means to be a sojourner and a friend to those who are living through this. I want you to also help pastors. We're going to put you in a scenario in which you can speak directly to pastors and leaders as well. So I want you to. Stay, folks, this is a much needed conversation and the hour is not enough. That's why we want to keep the conversation going. If you are part of the forgotten those who are living through domestic violence and no one sees you as a child growing up in this reality, we want you to know we see you. God sees you. He loves you. That may be hard to receive right now, but it is true. And Tiffany Mensah has lived to tell the story in her book forgotten. All you have to do is to contact us and we would love to get you more information. Equip radio.org. We'll be right back with more of equip right after this. When it comes to prayer, do you find yourself praying the same things in the same way? Doctor Donna Whitney offers a refreshingly simple solution pray the Bible back to God. I want you to experience meaningful conversations with God every day. That's why I chose Doctor Whitney's book, Praying the Bible as Our Gift. When you support equipped this month, I'll send you your copy with a gift of any amount. To equip, simply call 888644 4144 or visit Equip radio.org. Today's program is pre-recorded. While we won't be taking calls, we do want to connect with you on social media. Welcome back to equip with Chris Brooks. Millions of children worldwide are exposed to domestic violence every year, oftentimes leaving them to feel overlooked, unseen and abandoned. But yet there's help, hope, and healing in Jesus. In the story of Tiffany Mensah and her book forgotten a memoir, living in the Shadows of Domestic Violence is a book two chronicles one person's story that can lead to many, many people's victory today. Tiffany has joined me. So grateful for that. Tiffany. Real quickly, what is Dove's network so that folks can know Dove's network?

Yeah, I think those are some initial guidelines. What we're going to do is take a short break when we come back. Uh, Tiffany, I want you to go a little bit deeper into what it means to be a sojourner and a friend to those who are living through this. I want you to also help pastors. We're going to put you in a scenario in which you can speak directly to pastors and leaders as well. So I want you to. Stay, folks, this is a much needed conversation and the hour is not enough. That's why we want to keep the conversation going. If you are part of the forgotten those who are living through domestic violence and no one sees you as a child growing up in this reality, we want you to know we see you. God sees you. He loves you. That may be hard to receive right now, but it is true. And Tiffany Mensah has lived to tell the story in her book forgotten. All you have to do is to contact us and we would love to get you more information. Equip radio.org. We'll be right back with more of equip right after this. When it comes to prayer, do you find yourself praying the same things in the same way? Doctor Donna Whitney offers a refreshingly simple solution pray the Bible back to God. I want you to experience meaningful conversations with God every day. That's why I chose Doctor Whitney's book, Praying the Bible as Our Gift. When you support equipped this month, I'll send you your copy with a gift of any amount. To equip, simply call 888644 4144 or visit Equip radio.org. Today's program is pre-recorded. While we won't be taking calls, we do want to connect with you on social media. Welcome back to equip with Chris Brooks. Millions of children worldwide are exposed to domestic violence every year, oftentimes leaving them to feel overlooked, unseen and abandoned. But yet there's help, hope, and healing in Jesus. In the story of Tiffany Mensah and her book forgotten a memoir, living in the Shadows of Domestic Violence is a book two chronicles one person's story that can lead to many, many people's victory today. Tiffany has joined me. So grateful for that. Tiffany. Real quickly, what is Dove's network so that folks can know Dove's network?

So the journey to recovery after experiencing domestic violence is lifelong. So we're committed to helping provide resources that bring healing after the trauma by helping communities of color take steps daily to overcome violence and embrace safety. So we offer our services to direct service providers, churches, businesses and communities at large to create these outreach programs and workshops that are designed to educate, equip and empower. Again, a domestic violence doesn't just impact just the victim and survivor, it impacts families and impacts. And it's not just the at home, you know, situation that you're dealing with. It bleeds into communities and schools. And so the more that we are all aware of what that looks like and how we can provide healing and and connect those healing resources Sources and initiatives to make you feel that you're not forgotten the better. The ultimate health and the ultimate you. You can become.

So the journey to recovery after experiencing domestic violence is lifelong. So we're committed to helping provide resources that bring healing after the trauma by helping communities of color take steps daily to overcome violence and embrace safety. So we offer our services to direct service providers, churches, businesses and communities at large to create these outreach programs and workshops that are designed to educate, equip and empower. Again, a domestic violence doesn't just impact just the victim and survivor, it impacts families and impacts. And it's not just the at home, you know, situation that you're dealing with. It bleeds into communities and schools. And so the more that we are all aware of what that looks like and how we can provide healing and and connect those healing resources Sources and initiatives to make you feel that you're not forgotten the better. The ultimate health and the ultimate you. You can become.

Yeah. And I think it's so important for folks to have these resources. You know, Tiffany. Someone may be sensing right now. Well, this doesn't relate to me. I'm not living through it. I don't know anyone who has expressed to me. They're living through it. Why does that person need to make sure they're taking notes right now, and that they have the resources you're talking about at their ready?

Yeah. And I think it's so important for folks to have these resources. You know, Tiffany. Someone may be sensing right now. Well, this doesn't relate to me. I'm not living through it. I don't know anyone who has expressed to me. They're living through it. Why does that person need to make sure they're taking notes right now, and that they have the resources you're talking about at their ready?

I mean, because 1 in 4 women, 1 in 7 men are going through it and it's continuing. If you look at the news reports, it's continuing to go up. Even with Covid 19. We've seen spikes 30% with lockdown measures. And then in some states they're seeing declines from normal calls, which points to the victim is not able to call and get the help that they need. So even if you may not, you may be in the in the beginning, and someone may just not be telling you because we're you're not showing your resource. So and it's not accusatory. It's just like you just want to show it's a share. If you want to share a resource or share a stat to let it know that it's not okay to shine that light, then maybe they may come to you because they know, like, wait, you're you're opposed to this, you're against this. And what those lights that we shine in those dark places allow them to feel safe. So you never know what, who or what you may encounter. So you want to be educated in case you do.

I mean, because 1 in 4 women, 1 in 7 men are going through it and it's continuing. If you look at the news reports, it's continuing to go up. Even with Covid 19. We've seen spikes 30% with lockdown measures. And then in some states they're seeing declines from normal calls, which points to the victim is not able to call and get the help that they need. So even if you may not, you may be in the in the beginning, and someone may just not be telling you because we're you're not showing your resource. So and it's not accusatory. It's just like you just want to show it's a share. If you want to share a resource or share a stat to let it know that it's not okay to shine that light, then maybe they may come to you because they know, like, wait, you're you're opposed to this, you're against this. And what those lights that we shine in those dark places allow them to feel safe. So you never know what, who or what you may encounter. So you want to be educated in case you do.

Yeah. I so appreciate that. You know, sometimes we're not being told about people's struggles because they simply don't see us as a safe place. And that that doesn't mean that that can't change, but it could be the truth. And so the more that you talk about how important it is for you to for people to be safe, the more you talk about hearing the interviews like this and how it's impacted your life. The more you become publicly aware to others that you might be a safe place. And and I pray that we'll all strive to be that way. Uh, Tiffany, for a moment, let's imagine that you're in a room with 100 or so pastors and captive audience. What do you want us to know?

Yeah. I so appreciate that. You know, sometimes we're not being told about people's struggles because they simply don't see us as a safe place. And that that doesn't mean that that can't change, but it could be the truth. And so the more that you talk about how important it is for you to for people to be safe, the more you talk about hearing the interviews like this and how it's impacted your life. The more you become publicly aware to others that you might be a safe place. And and I pray that we'll all strive to be that way. Uh, Tiffany, for a moment, let's imagine that you're in a room with 100 or so pastors and captive audience. What do you want us to know?

That many of your congregants are sitting in church every Sunday next to their abuser. Most are. Most come through premarital counseling. There are signs in small groups, especially in marriage. Small groups, kids and youth groups are watching the terror unfold every day. So it is important that you train your leaders. And because they're the first to hear about an incident or the abuse and have their proper response, this is a huge opportunity for churches to be at the forefront of intervention with your men's ministry. Women's youth groups, small groups, everyone that touches a congregant should be trained on what this looks like, and have proper procedures put in place within your church to be able to support. You also have a huge opportunity to correct wrong theology about headship. So sending women or sending men back to the abusers and just be under the theory of being a better spouse. God wants you to push through that right and being able to make sure you have those resources. If you're not an expert. No one expects you to be but partner and connect with those resources that are able to come and do those trainings, who are able to come at your church to have a table that provides information to equip your congregants who may not be going through it, but may know someone outside those doors that they can provide that information to. And you want to make sure you have that. Your church is known when it's from the pulpit. If you state we are against domestic violence, even alone stated in the pulpit shines that light and lets them know you don't have a safe space here. So that is what I would say to a room with 100 pastors captive right there to bring to bring them into the conversation.

That many of your congregants are sitting in church every Sunday next to their abuser. Most are. Most come through premarital counseling. There are signs in small groups, especially in marriage. Small groups, kids and youth groups are watching the terror unfold every day. So it is important that you train your leaders. And because they're the first to hear about an incident or the abuse and have their proper response, this is a huge opportunity for churches to be at the forefront of intervention with your men's ministry. Women's youth groups, small groups, everyone that touches a congregant should be trained on what this looks like, and have proper procedures put in place within your church to be able to support. You also have a huge opportunity to correct wrong theology about headship. So sending women or sending men back to the abusers and just be under the theory of being a better spouse. God wants you to push through that right and being able to make sure you have those resources. If you're not an expert. No one expects you to be but partner and connect with those resources that are able to come and do those trainings, who are able to come at your church to have a table that provides information to equip your congregants who may not be going through it, but may know someone outside those doors that they can provide that information to. And you want to make sure you have that. Your church is known when it's from the pulpit. If you state we are against domestic violence, even alone stated in the pulpit shines that light and lets them know you don't have a safe space here. So that is what I would say to a room with 100 pastors captive right there to bring to bring them into the conversation.

Yeah. And you're gracious and you're kind. So I would add, too, if I were standing next to you, I would say, pastors, if you are an abuser, stop. Stop now and repent. You know, the truth is, and it's been said, often hurting people, hurt people. There are a lot of pastors who grew up being abused themselves, and so they were taught unhealthy patterns of conflict, conflict resolution. They were taught unhealthy messages about how to process their own emotions. Many pastors need therapy and don't get therapy. Many don't love themselves, and so they take out their lack of self-love on others. You need help pastor, if you are the one that is victimizing your family. Your family shouldn't have to live as a prisoner in a war zone. Jesus loves you too, but you need to repent and cry out for help. And so that's why we wanted to have this conversation, so that we can give voice to a tough situation that many are living through to the forgotten. We want you to know that God loves you. To the children and homes of domestic violence. We want you to know that God sees you and to the abuser. We want you to know that even you too, can find grace at the foot of the cross, and you can be changed. Tiffany, all I can say is thank you for your courage, for your transparency, vulnerability, for your trust in Jesus, and for writing this powerful memoir. Forgotten. Thanks for being my guest today.

Yeah. And you're gracious and you're kind. So I would add, too, if I were standing next to you, I would say, pastors, if you are an abuser, stop. Stop now and repent. You know, the truth is, and it's been said, often hurting people, hurt people. There are a lot of pastors who grew up being abused themselves, and so they were taught unhealthy patterns of conflict, conflict resolution. They were taught unhealthy messages about how to process their own emotions. Many pastors need therapy and don't get therapy. Many don't love themselves, and so they take out their lack of self-love on others. You need help pastor, if you are the one that is victimizing your family. Your family shouldn't have to live as a prisoner in a war zone. Jesus loves you too, but you need to repent and cry out for help. And so that's why we wanted to have this conversation, so that we can give voice to a tough situation that many are living through to the forgotten. We want you to know that God loves you. To the children and homes of domestic violence. We want you to know that God sees you and to the abuser. We want you to know that even you too, can find grace at the foot of the cross, and you can be changed. Tiffany, all I can say is thank you for your courage, for your transparency, vulnerability, for your trust in Jesus, and for writing this powerful memoir. Forgotten. Thanks for being my guest today.

Tiff, thank you so much for having me.

Tiff, thank you so much for having me.

Folks, you can find out more about Fregatten on our website equip radio. Org. You can also leave your comments. I know that this is a part of a much broader conversation, and so maybe the safest place for you right now is going to social media and reaching out via Facebook or Twitter to equip radio, equip radio. We hope that we're a safe place for you as well, and a place for resources. Some of those resources will make sure we put on our Facebook pages. As Tiffany has shared. Most of all, we want you to know that every day we want to be here to equip you to more effectively live, share, and defend your faith. Father, I pray that you will heal the hurting heart and give hope in Jesus. Amen. Shall we together again next time? Remember, equipped with Chris Brooks is a production of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.

Folks, you can find out more about Fregatten on our website equip radio. Org. You can also leave your comments. I know that this is a part of a much broader conversation, and so maybe the safest place for you right now is going to social media and reaching out via Facebook or Twitter to equip radio, equip radio. We hope that we're a safe place for you as well, and a place for resources. Some of those resources will make sure we put on our Facebook pages. As Tiffany has shared. Most of all, we want you to know that every day we want to be here to equip you to more effectively live, share, and defend your faith. Father, I pray that you will heal the hurting heart and give hope in Jesus. Amen. Shall we together again next time? Remember, equipped with Chris Brooks is a production of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.