Ever wondered what the funniest joke in the world is?
Well, I can tell you because the Edinburgh Fringe Festival has declared the funniest joke.
It's a ship gag, a gag about a ship, as in like a vessel that goes in the ocean. To be honest, it's not that funny and maybe I'm just getting older and mingy about life.
I don't know, maybe I don't find things as funny anymore.
Have you tried to find a funny movie lately? Have you managed to find one?
No, because they don't make them anymore and they certainly don't make jokes that are actually funny at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
And I should preface this by saying that, look, I'm not funny. So, you know, it is a hard thing to do. I get it.
But I just wonder whether we're not being a little too safe with our comedy. Something Jerry Seinfeld spoke about when he was in New Zealand recently, people can't push the boundaries anymore.
Let me just read you a few in the top 10 funniest jokes at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
And actually, you can try and guess is this a joke, you know, is this from a comedy festival or is this from a Christmas cracker?
"I was going to sail around the globe in the world's smallest ship, but I bottled it."
That was literally the funniest joke at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. And maybe because I'm reading these from a story it's the delivery that's funny, maybe that's what's missing.
"I've been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don't feel like I'm progressing. It's just one step forward, two steps back."
That was the second funniest joke.
"Ate horse at a restaurant once, wasn't great. Starter was all right, but the mane was dreadful."
Do you want me to keep going?
"I sailed through my driving test. That's why I failed."
These are not Christmas cracker jokes; these are from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
What ever happened to the really good ones? My favourite comedian was Joan Rivers. She was rude and shocking and outrageous, hilarious and actually a real pioneer and a trailblazer for women in her field as well.
But, you know, well she's dead and so are good jokes, it seems.