Boys today are struggling — with school, with purpose, with identity. At the same time, parents are being told that masculinity is toxic — or irrelevant. Are we accidentally raising a generation of young men who feel lost before they’ve even begun? And how do we raise boys who are strong, kind, and confident without making them feel like they’re not enough?

In this episode, Justin and Kylie unpack one of the most provocative ideas in parenting boys: surplus value. Drawing on research from Richard Reeves, Scott Galloway, and David Gilmore, they explore why contribution and purpose matter so much for boys’ identity, how to frame it in a healthy way, and why ignoring it leaves our sons vulnerable to destructive alternatives.

KEY POINTS
Why boys often tie identity to what they contribute rather than just who they are.
The difference between unconditional worth at home and purpose in the world.
How “surplus value” is not about pressure, but about channeling natural drives into positive contribution.
Why society has always “made men” through responsibility and service — and why our boys still need this today.
How to talk about contribution without undermining your son’s self-worth.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
 “Being useful helps boys feel valuable — not because they’re not enough, but because they’re capable of great things.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Of Boys and Men by Richard Reeves
Manhood in the Making by David Gilmore
Sign up for updates on Justin’s upcoming book Boys → https://happyfamilies.com.au/boys-book-waitlist

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Reassure your son daily: “You matter because you are you.”
Create opportunities for him to contribute at home in age-appropriate ways.
Talk about purpose and contribution as part of becoming a man — not as pressure, but as an invitation.
Watch for signs of directionlessness in the teen years and help channel energy into positive pathways.

Boys today are struggling &mdash; with school, with purpose, with identity. At the same time, parents are being told that masculinity is toxic &mdash; or irrelevant. Are we accidentally raising a generation of young men who feel lost before they&rsquo;ve even begun? And how do we raise boys who are strong, kind, and confident without making them feel like they&rsquo;re not enough?
In this episode, Justin and Kylie unpack one of the most provocative ideas in parenting boys: surplus value. Drawing on research from Richard Reeves, Scott Galloway, and David Gilmore, they explore why contribution and purpose matter so much for boys&rsquo; identity, how to frame it in a healthy way, and why ignoring it leaves our sons vulnerable to destructive alternatives.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why boys often tie identity to what they contribute rather than just who they are.</li>
<li aria-level="1">The difference between unconditional worth at home and purpose in the world.</li>
<li aria-level="1">How &ldquo;surplus value&rdquo; is not about pressure, but about channeling natural drives into positive contribution.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why society has always &ldquo;made men&rdquo; through responsibility and service &mdash; and why our boys still need this today.</li>
<li aria-level="1">How to talk about contribution without undermining your son&rsquo;s self-worth.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE &ldquo;Being useful helps boys feel valuable &mdash; not because they&rsquo;re not enough, but because they&rsquo;re capable of great things.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.amazon.com.au/Boys-Men-Modern-Struggling-Matters/dp/0815739877">Of Boys and Men</a> by Richard Reeves</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.amazon.com.au/Manhood-Making-Cultural-Concepts-Masculinity/dp/0300050763">Manhood in the Making</a> by David Gilmore</li>
<li aria-level="1">Sign up for updates on Justin&rsquo;s upcoming book Boys &rarr;<a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/boys-book-waitlist">&nbsp;https://happyfamilies.com.au/boys-book-waitlist</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Reassure your son daily: &ldquo;You matter because you are you.&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">Create opportunities for him to contribute at home in age-appropriate ways.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Talk about purpose and contribution as part of becoming a man &mdash; not as pressure, but as an invitation.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Watch for signs of directionlessness in the teen years and help channel energy into positive pathways.</li>
</ol>

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

The Dangerous Gap in Raising Boys That No One’s Talking About

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/65f0bb23-9a03-49f4-b1b9-b33c00cd32a2/transcript