“My daughter says she doesn’t like being alone with her thoughts at night… so she plays music to drown them out.”


In this episode of the Happy Families podcast, we explore a powerful listener question from a mum worried about her anxious child using music as a form of avoidance. Is it helpful? Harmful? And what can we do instead? We unpack the fine line between healthy distraction and long-term avoidance - and share tools to help your child build emotional strength, even in the dark.

KEY POINTS
Avoidance can reinforce anxiety - but sometimes, gentle avoidance is okay
Music can be an effective short-term tool, but shouldn't become the only coping mechanism
The risks of long-term distraction at bedtime (poor sleep, more anxiety)
Strategies to help:

Essential oils (yes, really—there’s research!)
Gratitude practices before sleep
Thought downloads/journaling to ease mental clutter
Default Mode Network activity and its role in rumination
Gradual tolerance toolkit—moving away from music to mindfulness
Normalising and validating nighttime anxiety
Parental presence and conversations to address the underlying worries

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

 "Sometimes kids feel like they’re swimming with metaphorical sharks. They want to get out of the water—but we know they’re just dolphins. It’s our job to keep them swimming."

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Chatter by Ethan Kross
Research on essential oils and anxiety (referenced but not directly cited)
happyfamilies.com.au
Leave us a voice memo for the podcast here

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Let your child know their racing thoughts at night are normal—and you're there for them.
Collaborate on a bedtime plan: gentle music, meditation, or calming scents.
Encourage journaling or a “thought download” before bed to externalise internal chaos.
Add in a nightly gratitude ritual—simple and connecting.
Over time, help your child build tolerance for their thoughts without needing constant distraction.
If things remain tough, reach out to a GP or psychologist for professional support.

<blockquote>
&ldquo;My daughter says she doesn&rsquo;t like being alone with her thoughts at night&hellip; so she plays music to drown them out.&rdquo;
</blockquote>
 In this episode of the Happy Families podcast, we explore a powerful listener question from a mum worried about her anxious child using music as a form of avoidance. Is it helpful? Harmful? And what can we do instead? We unpack the fine line between healthy distraction and long-term avoidance - and share tools to help your child build emotional strength, even in the dark.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li>Avoidance can reinforce anxiety - but sometimes, gentle avoidance is okay</li>
<li>Music can be an effective short-term tool, but shouldn't become the only coping mechanism</li>
<li>The risks of long-term distraction at bedtime (poor sleep, more anxiety)</li>
<li>Strategies to help: 
<ul>
<li>Essential oils (yes, really&mdash;there&rsquo;s research!)</li>
<li>Gratitude practices before sleep</li>
<li>Thought downloads/journaling to ease mental clutter</li>
<li>Default Mode Network activity and its role in rumination</li>
<li>Gradual tolerance toolkit&mdash;moving away from music to mindfulness</li>
<li>Normalising and validating nighttime anxiety</li>
<li>Parental presence and conversations to address the underlying worries</li>
</ul>
</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
<blockquote>
&nbsp;"Sometimes kids feel like they&rsquo;re swimming with metaphorical sharks. They want to get out of the water&mdash;but we know they&rsquo;re just dolphins. It&rsquo;s our job to keep them swimming."
</blockquote>
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.dymocks.com.au/chatter-by-ethan-kross-9781785041969https://www.dymocks.com.au/chatter-by-ethan-kross-9781785041969">Chatter</a> by Ethan Kross</li>
<li>Research on essential oils and anxiety (referenced but not directly cited)</li>
<li><a href="https://www.happyfamilies.com.au">happyfamilies.com.au</a></li>
<li>Leave us a voice memo for the podcast <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/podcast">here</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li>Let your child know their racing thoughts at night are normal&mdash;and you're there for them.</li>
<li>Collaborate on a bedtime plan: gentle music, meditation, or calming scents.</li>
<li>Encourage journaling or a &ldquo;thought download&rdquo; before bed to externalise internal chaos.</li>
<li>Add in a nightly gratitude ritual&mdash;simple and connecting.</li>
<li>Over time, help your child build tolerance for their thoughts without needing constant distraction.</li>
<li>If things remain tough, reach out to a GP or psychologist for professional support.</li>
</ol>

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Q&A - Using Music to Quieten Thoughts

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/8e332105-ab8c-4917-b319-b32800b7e944/transcript

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