What if the very thing we use to motivate kids is actually making them less motivated?

New research from Harvard University reveals something surprising: when children play just for fun, they naturally seek challenge, take risks, and stretch themselves further. But the moment rewards, prizes, or competition enter the picture, kids start choosing the easiest possible path.

In this fascinating Doctor’s Desk episode, Justin and Kylie unpack what this means for parenting, learning, sport, motivation, and raising resilient kids who actually enjoy hard things.

If you’ve ever relied on sticker charts, rewards, bribery, or competition to encourage your child — this conversation may completely change the way you think about motivation.

KEY POINTS
Harvard researchers found kids seek harder challenges when rewards are removed
Competition and prizes often reduce creativity, risk-taking, and persistence
Children are naturally wired for growth and exploration
“Hard fun” is often more rewarding than easy success
Motivation increases when kids feel ownership and autonomy
External rewards can shift focus away from learning and onto “getting the prize”
Parents can encourage resilience by focusing less on outcomes and more on challenge

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“The more you remove rewards and say, ‘Let’s just do this because it’s fun,’ the more kids seek challenge.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn
Research published in Developmental Psychology

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Reduce reliance on rewards, bribes, and sticker charts
Let kids experiment, explore, and challenge themselves without pressure
Focus on effort, curiosity, and growth rather than winning
Create opportunities for “hard fun” through play, sport, and learning
Help children set personal goals instead of competing against others
Ask: “What challenge feels exciting to you?” instead of “How can you win?”

What if the very thing we use to motivate kids is actually making them less motivated?
New research from Harvard University reveals something surprising: when children play just for fun, they naturally seek challenge, take risks, and stretch themselves further. But the moment rewards, prizes, or competition enter the picture, kids start choosing the easiest possible path.
In this fascinating Doctor&rsquo;s Desk episode, Justin and Kylie unpack what this means for parenting, learning, sport, motivation, and raising resilient kids who actually enjoy hard things.
If you&rsquo;ve ever relied on sticker charts, rewards, bribery, or competition to encourage your child &mdash; this conversation may completely change the way you think about motivation.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Harvard researchers found kids seek harder challenges when rewards are removed</li>
<li aria-level="1">Competition and prizes often reduce creativity, risk-taking, and persistence</li>
<li aria-level="1">Children are naturally wired for growth and exploration</li>
<li aria-level="1">&ldquo;Hard fun&rdquo; is often more rewarding than easy success</li>
<li aria-level="1">Motivation increases when kids feel ownership and autonomy</li>
<li aria-level="1">External rewards can shift focus away from learning and onto &ldquo;getting the prize&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">Parents can encourage resilience by focusing less on outcomes and more on challenge</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;The more you remove rewards and say, &lsquo;Let&rsquo;s just do this because it&rsquo;s fun,&rsquo; the more kids seek challenge.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.alfiekohn.org/punished-rewards/">Punished by Rewards</a>&nbsp;by Alfie Kohn</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fdev0002108">Research</a> published in Developmental Psychology</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Reduce reliance on rewards, bribes, and sticker charts</li>
<li aria-level="1">Let kids experiment, explore, and challenge themselves without pressure</li>
<li aria-level="1">Focus on effort, curiosity, and growth rather than winning</li>
<li aria-level="1">Create opportunities for &ldquo;hard fun&rdquo; through play, sport, and learning</li>
<li aria-level="1">Help children set personal goals instead of competing against others</li>
<li aria-level="1">Ask: &ldquo;What challenge feels exciting to you?&rdquo; instead of &ldquo;How can you win?&rdquo;</li>
</ul>

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Hard Fun is More Fun

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/5875dd53-cc94-4744-bb04-b43400c6ee8d/transcript