The more you monitor your kids, the more they might hide.

Research on parental monitoring shows that knowing where your kids are matters far less than creating a relationship where they feel safe telling you what is really going on. Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack what the research says about disclosure, surveillance, rules and trust, and share five practical ways to help your kids keep talking when things go wrong.

KEY POINTS
Why kids' voluntary disclosure tells parents more than surveillance
How negative reactions can lead to more secrecy
Why punishment can shut down honesty
How to respond when your child tells you something difficult
Why clear reasons and autonomy-supportive rules build trust
Why covert snooping can make kids sneakier
How to stay connected as children become more independent
The difference between emotion for your child and emotion at your child

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Location apps will show you where they are, but only the relationship that you have will tell you how they are.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Stattin and Kerr's 2003 research on parental monitoring and disclosure
Weinstein and Schabulski's research on autonomy-supportive parenting

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Take a breath before reacting when your child tells you something difficult.
Say, “I’m glad you told me,” before jumping into consequences.
Focus on solving the problem rather than punishing the disclosure.
Explain why your rules exist and give your child choices where you can.
Create regular opportunities to talk without turning every conversation into an interrogation.
Get curious, not furious.
Don't rely on covert snooping to find out what your child is doing.

The more you monitor your kids, the more they might hide.
Research on parental monitoring shows that knowing where your kids are matters far less than creating a relationship where they feel safe telling you what is really going on. Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack what the research says about disclosure, surveillance, rules and trust, and share five practical ways to help your kids keep talking when things go wrong.
KEY POINTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>Why kids' voluntary disclosure tells parents more than surveillance</li>
<li>How negative reactions can lead to more secrecy</li>
<li>Why punishment can shut down honesty</li>
<li>How to respond when your child tells you something difficult</li>
<li>Why clear reasons and autonomy-supportive rules build trust</li>
<li>Why covert snooping can make kids sneakier</li>
<li>How to stay connected as children become more independent</li>
<li>The difference between emotion for your child and emotion at your child</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
<blockquote>
&ldquo;Location apps will show you where they are, but only the relationship that you have will tell you how they are.&rdquo;
</blockquote>
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul data-spread="false">
<li><a href="https://academic.oup.com/chidev/article-abstract/71/4/1072/8284180">Stattin and Kerr's 2003 research</a> on parental monitoring and disclosure</li>
<li>Weinstein and Schabulski's research on autonomy-supportive parenting</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>Take a breath before reacting when your child tells you something difficult.</li>
<li>Say, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m glad you told me,&rdquo; before jumping into consequences.</li>
<li>Focus on solving the problem rather than punishing the disclosure.</li>
<li>Explain why your rules exist and give your child choices where you can.</li>
<li>Create regular opportunities to talk without turning every conversation into an interrogation.</li>
<li>Get curious, not furious.</li>
<li>Don't rely on covert snooping to find out what your child is doing.</li>
</ul>

Deciding which parenting advice to follow? Join the thousands of mums and dads who turn to Australia’s most downloaded parenting podcast.

Dr Justin Coulson and his wife Kylie bring real parenting solutions every day, cutting through the noise of modern advice with clear, practical guidance for every step of parenting.

From early childhood challenges to the complexities of the teenage years, each daily episode offers simple, evidence-based strategies to help you feel more confident in your decisions and more connected to your kids.

Deciding which parenting advice to follow?&nbsp;Join the thousands of mums and dads who turn to Australia&rsquo;s most downloaded parenting podcast.
Dr Justin Coulson and his wife Kylie bring real parenting solutions every day, cutting through the noise of modern advice with clear, practical guidance for every step of parenting.
From early childhood challenges to the complexities of the teenage years, each daily episode offers simple, evidence-based strategies to help you feel more confident in your decisions and more connected to your kids.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Why Your Kids Stop Telling You Things

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/38df0650-a901-463b-a0e4-b4cd0074234e/transcript