Have you ever looked at your child’s friends and thought, “This is not going to end well”? You’re not alone. But new research shows that stepping in and steering kids away from certain friendships can actually make things worse — leaving your child less accepted by peers, more anxious, and even more likely to act out.

In this episode, Dr. Justin and Kylie unpack the surprising dangers of interfering in your child’s friendships, why your good intentions can backfire, and how to guide your kids without damaging trust.

KEY POINTS
Why parental interference often increases risky behaviour and peer rejection.
The “forbidden fruit” effect — why the more you disapprove, the closer kids cling.
How criticism of a friend can sound like criticism of your child.
The power of trust: letting kids figure it out leads to stronger, healthier friendships.
What to do instead — shift from policing friendships to teaching what makes a good friend.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

"When you say, ‘I don’t like who you are when you’re with that friend,’ what your child really hears is, ‘I don’t like who you are.’"

RESOURCES
Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry study on parental interference in friendships. 
Chris Niemiec (University of Rochester) researchon “forbidden fruit” friendships.
How do I Keep my Daughter Away from her Boyfriend? [HF Article]
Supporting Autistic Children Course [NDIS approved]
#1103 I'll Do Better Tomorrow: The Good Things Matter [HF Podcast episode on helping kids identify qualities of a good friend]

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Pause before interfering — unless there’s bullying or real harm, stay out.
Have general conversations about what makes a good friend, rather than targeting specific friendships.
Trust your child’s ability to grow — most “bad” friendships naturally fade or transform with time.
Model positive relationships so your child sees what healthy friendship looks like.

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Leave a voice memo here or email your questions/comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au

Become a Happy Families Member today

Have you ever looked at your child&rsquo;s friends and thought, &ldquo;This is not going to end well&rdquo;? You&rsquo;re not alone. But new research shows that stepping in and steering kids away from certain friendships can actually make things worse &mdash; leaving your child less accepted by peers, more anxious, and even more likely to act out.
In this episode, Dr. Justin and Kylie unpack the surprising dangers of interfering in your child&rsquo;s friendships, why your good intentions can backfire, and how to guide your kids without damaging trust.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li>Why parental interference often increases risky behaviour and peer rejection.</li>
<li>The &ldquo;forbidden fruit&rdquo; effect &mdash; why the more you disapprove, the closer kids cling.</li>
<li>How criticism of a friend can sound like criticism of your child.</li>
<li>The power of trust: letting kids figure it out leads to stronger, healthier friendships.</li>
<li>What to do instead &mdash; shift from policing friendships to teaching what makes a good friend.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
"When you say, &lsquo;I don&rsquo;t like who you are when you&rsquo;re with that friend,&rsquo; what your child really hears is, &lsquo;I don&rsquo;t like who you are.&rsquo;"
RESOURCES
<ul>
<li><a href="Maternal%20Disapproval%20of%20Friends%20damages%20the%20Peer%20Status%20of%20Pre%20and%20Early%20Adolescents">Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry study</a> on parental interference in friendships.&nbsp;</li>
<li><a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-07173-022">Chris Niemiec (University of Rochester) research </a>on &ldquo;forbidden fruit&rdquo; friendships.</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/how-do-i-keep-my-daughter-away-from-her-boyfriend">How do I Keep my Daughter Away from her Boyfriend?</a> [HF Article]</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/supporting-autistic-children-course">Supporting Autistic Children Course</a> [NDIS approved]</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/podcast/episode/1103-the-simple-things-matter">#1103 I'll Do Better Tomorrow: The Good Things Matter</a> [HF Podcast episode on helping kids identify qualities of a good friend]</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li>Pause before interfering &mdash; unless there&rsquo;s bullying or real harm, stay out.</li>
<li>Have general conversations about what makes a good friend, rather than targeting specific friendships.</li>
<li>Trust your child&rsquo;s ability to grow &mdash; most &ldquo;bad&rdquo; friendships naturally fade or transform with time.</li>
<li>Model positive relationships so your child sees what healthy friendship looks like.</li>
</ol>
Subscribe to the Happy Families <a href="https://happyfamiliesfamilyeducation.activehosted.com/f/40">newsletter</a>
Leave a <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/podcast">voice memo here</a> or email your questions/comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au
Become a <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/membership">Happy Families Member</a> today

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Don’t Like Their Friends? How to Guide Without Losing Trust

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/b156dc68-95c8-49e0-be4f-b3590036b3ec/transcript