What do you do when every interaction with your child feels like a battle? Today we respond to a mum’s heartfelt question about her 11-year-old daughter, who is struggling with screaming, lying, and constant conflict. We explore the psychological needs behind difficult behaviour and share practical, compassionate strategies for rebuilding connection—especially when all you feel like doing is correcting.

KEY POINTS
Challenging Behaviour Is Communication: Kids act out when their basic needs—connection, autonomy, and competence—aren’t being met.
The Correction Trap: When every interaction becomes about control or discipline, children feel unseen, unheard, and undervalued.
Slow Down to Reconnect: Rebuilding the relationship requires presence, patience, and sometimes stepping completely away from “the agenda.”
Parental Self-Awareness Matters: Many parents unintentionally undermine connection through well-meaning but misdirected responses.
Lifestyle Matters: Sleep, nutrition, movement, screen time, and social connection all have huge impacts on emotional and behavioural wellbeing.
The Psychological Load of Puberty: Eleven is a big age—especially for girls. Body changes, identity confusion, and peer pressures amplify emotional volatility.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“If you want to speed it up, you’ve got to slow it down. If you want control, you’ve got to give them voice.”
— Dr Justin Coulson

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Book:Misconnection: Why Your Teenage Daughter Hates You, Expects the World & Needs to Talk by Dr Justin Coulson
Podcast Reference:Pop Culture Parenting by Billy Garvey
Research Mentioned: Sapiens Lab study on early device use and mental health

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Pause the Correction Cycle: Focus less on behaviour and more on what your child might be trying to communicate.
Rebuild Connection: Prioritise quality time—go for a bike ride, hit the beach, or just be together with no agenda.
Validate & Listen: Show your child you see and hear them, even if you don’t agree with their behaviour.
Assess Lifestyle Factors: Review sleep, nutrition, screen time, physical activity, and relationships.
Reflect on Your Responses: Ask yourself—are your well-intentioned actions unintentionally adding fuel to the fire?
Give Her Voice: Offer choices, listen to her preferences, and include her in problem-solving.
Get Support if Needed: If mental health concerns persist, seek help from professionals.

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What do you do when every interaction with your child feels like a battle? Today we respond to a mum&rsquo;s heartfelt question about her 11-year-old daughter, who is struggling with screaming, lying, and constant conflict. We explore the psychological needs behind difficult behaviour and share practical, compassionate strategies for rebuilding connection&mdash;especially when all you feel like doing is correcting.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Challenging Behaviour Is Communication: Kids act out when their basic needs&mdash;connection, autonomy, and competence&mdash;aren&rsquo;t being met.</li>
<li aria-level="1">The Correction Trap: When every interaction becomes about control or discipline, children feel unseen, unheard, and undervalued.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Slow Down to Reconnect: Rebuilding the relationship requires presence, patience, and sometimes stepping completely away from &ldquo;the agenda.&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">Parental Self-Awareness Matters: Many parents unintentionally undermine connection through well-meaning but misdirected responses.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Lifestyle Matters: Sleep, nutrition, movement, screen time, and social connection all have huge impacts on emotional and behavioural wellbeing.</li>
<li aria-level="1">The Psychological Load of Puberty: Eleven is a big age&mdash;especially for girls. Body changes, identity confusion, and peer pressures amplify emotional volatility.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;If you want to speed it up, you&rsquo;ve got to slow it down. If you want control, you&rsquo;ve got to give them voice.&rdquo; &mdash; Dr Justin Coulson
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Book: <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/miss-connection">Misconnection: Why Your Teenage Daughter Hates You, Expects the World &amp; Needs to Talk</a> by Dr Justin Coulson</li>
<li aria-level="1">Podcast Reference: <a href="https://www.popcultureparenting.com/">Pop Culture Parenting</a> by Billy Garvey</li>
<li aria-level="1">Research Mentioned: Sapiens Lab study on early device use and mental health</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Pause the Correction Cycle: Focus less on behaviour and more on what your child might be trying to communicate.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Rebuild Connection: Prioritise quality time&mdash;go for a bike ride, hit the beach, or just be together with no agenda.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Validate &amp; Listen: Show your child you see and hear them, even if you don&rsquo;t agree with their behaviour.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Assess Lifestyle Factors: Review sleep, nutrition, screen time, physical activity, and relationships.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Reflect on Your Responses: Ask yourself&mdash;are your well-intentioned actions unintentionally adding fuel to the fire?</li>
<li aria-level="1">Give Her Voice: Offer choices, listen to her preferences, and include her in problem-solving.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Get Support if Needed: If mental health concerns persist, seek help from professionals.</li>
</ol>
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The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#1257 - Connecting When You're Always Correcting

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/e3bbad59-4efe-4715-9925-b2e400bd2bf2/transcript