Why do our kids lose it over the smallest things—and how can we help them hold it together? In this insightful episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack what emotional regulation really means and share a simple 3-step framework to help kids (and parents!) handle big feelings more effectively. Whether it's tantrums, sibling fights, or homework meltdowns, these tools will help your family build emotional resilience—without losing your cool.

KEY POINTS:


Emotional regulation is about expressing or suppressing emotions appropriately to achieve long-term goals.


Most children develop consistent regulation skills by age 9, but they still need support along the way.


Regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings—it’s about processing them constructively.


Parents must model regulation themselves, not just expect it from their kids.


Three powerful parenting tools:


Support, don’t solve – Be present and connected without taking over.


Offer hints – Gently guide children through overwhelm with small, manageable steps.


Read the room – Check for physical or emotional needs that might be driving big reactions.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
“Support, don’t solve—it builds competence, autonomy, and connection all at once.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED:
Walter Mischel's Marshmallow Experiment
Self-Determination Theory


HappyFamilies.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:


Pause before reacting—check your own emotional state before helping your child regulate theirs.


Name the emotion and offer empathy—validate your child’s feelings without fixing them.


Break big tasks into chunks—help your child manage overwhelm one step at a time.


Create a regulation-friendly environment—watch for hunger, fatigue, or stress that may fuel dysregulation.


Model emotional regulation—let your child see you process your emotions calmly and respectfully.

Resources Mentioned:


Walter Mischel's Marshmallow Experiment


Self-Determination Theory


HappyFamilies.com.au

Why do our kids lose it over the smallest things&mdash;and how can we help them hold it together? In this insightful episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack what emotional regulation really means and share a simple 3-step framework to help kids (and parents!) handle big feelings more effectively. Whether it's tantrums, sibling fights, or homework meltdowns, these tools will help your family build emotional resilience&mdash;without losing your cool.
<hr data-start="611" data-end="614">
KEY POINTS:
<ul data-start="634" data-end="1336">
<li data-start="634" data-end="744">
Emotional regulation is about expressing or suppressing emotions appropriately to achieve long-term goals.
</li>
<li data-start="745" data-end="852">
Most children develop consistent regulation skills by age 9, but they still need support along the way.
</li>
<li data-start="853" data-end="943">
Regulation isn&rsquo;t about suppressing feelings&mdash;it&rsquo;s about processing them constructively.
</li>
<li data-start="944" data-end="1025">
Parents must model regulation themselves, not just expect it from their kids.
</li>
<li data-start="1026" data-end="1336">
Three powerful parenting tools:
<ol data-start="1064" data-end="1336">
<li data-start="1064" data-end="1141">
Support, don&rsquo;t solve &ndash; Be present and connected without taking over.
</li>
<li data-start="1144" data-end="1236">
Offer hints &ndash; Gently guide children through overwhelm with small, manageable steps.
</li>
<li data-start="1239" data-end="1336">
Read the room &ndash; Check for physical or emotional needs that might be driving big reactions.
</li>
</ol>
</li>
</ul>
<hr data-start="1338" data-end="1341">
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: &ldquo;Support, don&rsquo;t solve&mdash;it builds competence, autonomy, and connection all at once.&rdquo;
<hr data-start="1455" data-end="1458">
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.simplypsychology.org/marshmallow-test.html">Walter Mischel's Marshmallow Experiment</a></li>
<li><a href="https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/theory/">Self-Determination Theory</a></li>
<li>
<a href="https://www.happyfamilies.com.au">HappyFamilies.com.au</a>
</li>
</ul>
<hr data-start="1667" data-end="1670">
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
<ol data-start="1704" data-end="2214">
<li data-start="1704" data-end="1808">
Pause before reacting&mdash;check your own emotional state before helping your child regulate theirs.
</li>
<li data-start="1809" data-end="1904">
Name the emotion and offer empathy&mdash;validate your child&rsquo;s feelings without fixing them.
</li>
<li data-start="1905" data-end="1994">
Break big tasks into chunks&mdash;help your child manage overwhelm one step at a time.
</li>
<li data-start="1995" data-end="2110">
Create a regulation-friendly environment&mdash;watch for hunger, fatigue, or stress that may fuel dysregulation.
</li>
<li data-start="2111" data-end="2214">
Model emotional regulation&mdash;let your child see you process your emotions calmly and respectfully.
</li>
</ol>
<hr data-start="2216" data-end="2219">
Resources Mentioned:
<ul>
<li>
<a href="https://www.simplypsychology.org/marshmallow-test.html">Walter Mischel's Marshmallow Experiment</a>
</li>
<li>
<a href="https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/theory/">Self-Determination Theory</a>
</li>
<li>
<a href="https://www.happyfamilies.com.au">HappyFamilies.com.au</a>
</li>
</ul>

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#1230 - The 3-Step Solution to Better Emotional Regulation (R)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/e698b6e0-3757-4213-94cc-b2b8008ec11d/transcript

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