Dead Ass with Khadeen and Devale EllisSet your alarms, because Christmas is coming! And your new favorite Christmas movie, Meet Me Next Christmas is coming to Netflix on November 6th. Kalen Allen co-stars in the film alongisde Devale, and in this episode, the Ellises talk to him about how knowing exactly who he is has helped him reach the stars. Dead Ass.
Words have power.
I like that deadass.
The word that came to mind when our guests walked through the door was Christmas.
And you'll see why dead as dead ass. Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.
You may know us from posting funny videos with our.
Boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.
Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Oh and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of Li's most taboo topics.
Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Were about to take philos off to our whole new level.
Starts right now.
All right, So story time, all right, this story time is going to include our guests. So, as you guys know, next week there's a movie that comes out call Meet Me Next Christmas. And it just so happens to be the first time I'm actually a lead on the film. So I walk into the place where we're gonna go do this scene, and we're at the scene and it's the stage and there's a downstairs area. So as soon as I walk in there like shirrkay please follow us. Do you know how to get downstairs? All I hear from downstairs.
Is no, no, absolutely not no.
So I'm like, I think if I just follow the voice, I can find downstairs.
Everyone's laughing. Right when I get downstairs.
Kaylen is dressed as his character is for that scene, and I'll let you all see the scene. I'm not gonna spoil it. Like Caylen is screaming at the top of his lungs about Beyonce to someone else that's a part of the cast, and I'm like, how you doing, guys. Kylen looks at me and goes, hi, no, no, And that is the first time I ever met Kaylen, and I was like, Wow, this is gonna be fun, and now we actually like family.
I love that it's giving Christmas and Beyonce should have been my two words in the sound bite because it is two things we have in common at that at that come on, now, that is fat all right, y'all?
Karaoke time.
So y'all know how I normally do karaoke, right, I'm not doing karaoke.
I'm not doing that, neither the person.
Whose voice I heard from downstairs in the theater. It's going to bless us, okay, with his favorite holiday song.
I mean not to put you on, yes to put on a little Birdie told me that you have an album driving on Friday.
I do, so it's giving kill me get a sneak pe.
Okay, So since it is coming out Friday, but if you pre added now, there's one song that you can get now, and it actually is my favorite Christmas song.
So look, we tied it in together.
So if you've ever seen The Grint, right, there's a song called where are You Christmas? In it that was actually written by Mariah Carey, but faith he'll performed it. Yes, it is my favorite Christmas song of all time, and that's why I did it. I guess I'll give you a little sneak people. This is on the spot, mero. No, So it goes, where.
Are you Christmas? Why can't I find you? Why have you gone up? Where where is the left you used to bring me? Why can't I hear the music.
Play here, baby, that's my song I love.
Where are you Christmas? Can I hear how I heard that voice from down from down the movie.
Nothing? You know where Christmas is? Outside my house? I put my baby.
I put my When Kaylyn got here, Kaylyn said, is it Halloween or is it Christmas? Well listen, we're teetering on the fence now, okay, because I said, the minute the kids come in from Tricker Trey, I am going to have my Santa hat on. Mariah will be playing in the background. Actually, Kaitlyn might be playing in the background.
Time around.
We'll have the hot Coco ready to go. Baby.
It's so bad that she had the spider webs all around the bushes. They coming to do the Christmas lights, They're like, ma'am, ma'am, this spider web.
She said, don't worry. She moved the spider web. They put the lights down. She put the spider webs on the top of the line.
I literally was like, here you guys, because the Christmas is at the top and you still got the Halloween at the bottle.
So really it's the nightmare before Christmas.
You see, Okay, what you did there?
I see what you did now she's gonna do this every year now, Kaitlyn, it gets it gets pushed back further and further, it gets pushed up.
Excuse baby, is about to be Labor Day.
You have lights and Labor day.
You know what.
Actually, let's stop and pay some bills because our light bill about to be crazy having to put up these Christmas lights. Let's take a quick break what I deal with more with Kaitlyn Allen?
All right now, so yeah, we're back a right, trying to Hi Jack trying. First of all, this is no, don't do that.
Don't do that.
Are we gonna fight over Kaitlyn today?
Trouble?
Whose I did was to have Kaitlyn come on the show? Trouble who was it? Oh?
It was? It was.
All right?
So you know what, We'll let trible start. Who gets to talk when we come back, trouble with me and Kadeen. She's gonna choose Kadeen. I don't even know why. I don't even know why.
Basically, I come back and bring us in and then we talk about story times.
Okay, hmm, let me host the show in the middle Street.
Well, I'd like to come back now now that we're back from breaking me playing them bills in the house. Today we have Kaylin all literally in our house. Kaylan Allen is an actor, comedian, and Internet personality who gained widespread recognition and fame through his viral interactive videos, oh viral reaction videos, Actually so you were doing those for a minute, and he's been the co host of a podcast with Ricky Lake, Raised by Ricky, and is a fixture on The Ellen Show.
And recently, Kaylin landed his first Broadway role.
In Elf Okay Darling and as if He's not busy enough. Kaylan is also co starring in the new holiday film Meet Me Next Christmas, alongside the val Christina Milion and My Boy Kofi. When I heard he was in the film, I said, oh maybe, premiering November sixth on Netflix and all around amazing human being one of my favorite follows to this day Instagrams, Cayln, thank you so much for being here with us today.
I'm so, so so happy to see you, bro yo.
So the reason why I was so excited to get back in was because the conversation that followed after we met that day, then you, me and Christina.
I forgot who else was down there, but we were talking to my mom. Was my mom was That's the first time I met her mom.
We talked about where we started in the industry, because Christina started very young, and then Caitlin and I had both started, you know, technically on social media, even though we both trained and social media was just a tool. But when you started telling me all the things you wanted to do and for this day to come around, and you've accomplished all of those in two years, I want the people to hear what manifestation is.
So can you take us back to the beginning.
Yeah, but before I get there. Something that I actually realized recently, like a couple of days ago, because you were talking about Broadway and I was talking about everything that's going on right now. And something that I've realized is sometimes when people will say something, I'll be like, can you believe it? Or something like that, and I never have a responsible like, oh my gosh, can you I can't believe that I'm here. I realized that I don't have imposter syndrome. I realized that I fully believe that I am where I'm supposed to be, no matter what room it is, and that is why I don't I don't get over excited for stuff like I'm excited that I'm doing it. I'm I feel very grateful and I'm very blessed to do it. But it isn't something that has me like jumping off the roof for me being like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that I'm here because I actually believe that I could be there.
Oh well, you just love that.
But you gave me a realization, right, how much so many people have imposture syndrome that when you don't have it, you don't realize that, like you don't have it. And until you mentioned it, Remember they asked the other day, you know, how long did you think you're going to have your own TV show? And I said, well, yeah, I said that. I told my wife that's what I wanted. Right, did you think he's going to have your own movie? And I was like yeah, and to me, it seems normal to me, it seems normal to you. But I've never even vocalized it as I don't have imposture syndrome. But now you're making me realize that, Like dang, that's is that a thing for people who just like I know, I'm supposed.
To be here like or people who have a plan and they work towards the planet actually execute it. I think what happens is that typically, particularly in this field, right, this is not the easiest feel to exist in meeting the acting industry, television, film. So when you speak these things to folks who don't necessarily believe in those goals and dreams or don't believe that it's attainable, when you actually do it to them, it's like, oh, my goodness, you actually really did it. Whereas for us who are actually putting in the work day by day and it tends to come to fruition, which it will because we work for it, it's like, oh, this was all a part of the plant.
Yeah, because you have a greater belief system too, though you have a strong That's what I'm the same way, Like nobody can tell me God don't exist, right, So when I get a vision, I know who is from So that's when I'm working.
Is that the same for you?
I think also even to go far beyond there, and we're talking about Christmas, you know, like I had this conversation with somebody never talking about what I ever let my kids believe in Santa Claus and I said, I said absolutely, I said, because it's not this idea that this man flew across the world to deliver against.
It's what it stands for.
It's this idea that this person that does not know you care so much about who you were this year that they are going to travel tonight to bring you something.
You know what I mean. And the belief like even when you talk about like how believing isn't seen, I see what you're saying, you know what I So.
It's like when you think about like what Christmas means and what that's rooted in. I think that's how I live my life, you know, to be like I am believing in what I cannot see because I know at some point I will be able to, you know what I mean. For yes, exactly, I just have to make sure that I am aligning myself to get there. But it will come when it's time for it to come to me. And being patient in that, you know what I mean. Like for instance, like that conversation me saying like, yes, I want to be on Broadway. I never gave a timeline. I never said that I want to be on Broadway by the end of this year or something like that I would even say this, even when we go back to the beginning, so we talked about the food reaction videos.
Right.
That was by an accident. That was November of twenty seventeen. But I remember in February of that same year, I remember being in a place of I had gotten a call from a organization that was a school in Kansas City and I had applied for internship my freshman year of college, and they were like, oh, we came across your resume and saw that you were about to graduate with a theater degree, and we have a theater teacher job opening up, and we thought we could consider you. Mind you I didn't apply for this job, and still to this day that I believe that that was a test from God. I think there was a test from God to see if I was going to choose what was comfortable. I was going to choose what was and so I turned it down. And I remember February I went to a professor of mine. I said, by the end of this year, I'm going to be famous. And I made a very specific goal. And it wasn't necessarily because I wanted fame. It was because I knew that how hard it was to be a struggling actor and to be in this business. And I knew that fame was currency for stability, and I knew that I wanted stability over anything, you know what I mean, And so I was very certain on what I wanted. I didn't know how I was going to get there. And then it was November and I was about to go to one of my jobs and I had this feeling. I was on Facebook scrolling. It was like a sponsor ad for likes some cornbread, and something in my spirit was like, did you should put up your phone and press record and film yourself doing it? And then I uploaded it at night, and then when I woke up, I couldn't use any of my apps because it wasn't used to that size of volume because it had gone viral on all the platforms. And then from there I was like, oh, well, I guess this is a thing. So that's when I created the brand of kayleb Reacts. And then I started to post more because I knew if I created a brand, people would trust it more and they would see it as a package. I started getting a lot of emails from many different producers and stuff like that. But then that's when I also got the Ellen one, and I picked Ellen because I knew that was more stable. I was like, that's I was like, this is an entity that has been around, is glorified. It is just on a pedestal. It's something that people they are familiar with, they trust. I don't have to go and try and sell something. I was like, and I've always wanted to do a talk show. I said, that makes more sense. So I said, Okay, I'm gonna go do Ellen. Then once I got to LA, I was like, because the original deal first was not that I was supposed to relocate to LA. I was just gonna send them the videos from Philadelphia because I went to Temple University. I put into my first contract or relocation because I knew that if I was in LA they would always use me.
You wow, smart Listen.
I was going to say, what I have noticed is you do have a belief system, but you're also very strategic. Say anybody like, oh, yeah, no, this is what I have to do and you need that in business?
Yeah.
Oh.
I tell people all the time is that I very am from first, I am business minded, creative comes second. I am very much like this is what the goal is and these are the movies that I need to make. I mean, I think that even that even has issues within my team because I very much work like a CEO. You know, there are a lot of people that that is very much like they team. They wait for their team to call them to know.
I bring it to you, and I tell you how to make it bigger and how to make it work. Literally literally, I'm a.
Serious over here. But my rising in my setting or whatever the hell is cap record too.
Yeah, We're very similar, but in being creative but also seeing that business is important and for me, business gave me stability to be creative.
E always for business first, you're talking.
Right now, I'm like this sounds like I mean even once I got to l A and the and I was working, like I lived up the street from Warner Brothers, and you know, they were just like, oh yeah, so we'll use you every now and then I asked for an office at Warner Brothers because I said.
I want to be able to shadow. I want to watch, I want to learn what y'all do.
Because I knew if I was there every day, they could never forget about me. Yeah, because I was always in your face at this point. At that point I was twenty one.
Wow.
Yeah, because the first.
Video Tavvy was like, oh from the g always had absolutely are.
You still eliminade early? You know or you gave like you were hustling in like elementary school.
Okay.
So when I was twelve, I was president of the Johnson County NDBACP Youth Council.
So I think I always had a lot of.
Leadership positions, especially in church and everything like that.
So I always worked as a leader.
But I think that when we were talking about manifestations.
Because he talked about leaders, fuck being a leader.
Kaylen Bossi he gave He said, listen, I'm doing dinner at my house Friday. Everybody will be there seven third, don't bring and told everybody who showed up everybody yeah, because we had so many people from Canada just said.
Same day, yes we were.
We had all the casts and all the Canadian people like, oh, I've never had Southern food or something.
I was like, oh, we gotta change that, Okay.
I was running through Toronto trying to find Colin, and you cook for everybody, don't.
Bring nothing because we don't know how you made it.
I don't need nobody bring nothing to please, don't I think Christina wash the dishes. Yes, yeah, it was very much like just nobody to bring nothing.
Some of my most favorite videos from you were when you give like a whole tutorial of like what to do and what not to do a circumstances. I think one of them was like, if you're coming for Christmas or Thanksgiving, don't do any of these show me.
Yeah, I don't be playing Okay dying lasting.
At one point, I noticed you took a little hiatus on social media fairly recently, I want to say, within this year. So how often do you feel like that reset is necessary for you to kind of reassess and realign and what kind of sparks that in you?
You know, I think that comes a lot from my theater training. I think because I'm so used to, like back in the day, like you do a show and then once the show closes, then you kind of are sitting around to your next show. But I think what I learned in that is that the growth that I would learn in that in between, you know, it was almost like all the things that I had learned from doing that one show will kind of just sit and set in you know what I mean. And so I think what I realized is that I needed to do that even now, because I think when you work in social media, there is this idea that you need to be always on, and I don't adapt to that idea.
I don't think it's healthy.
I think at least to you having burnout, and I think you also then don't get an opportunity to celebrate the fruits of your labor.
Klen, Salen, Klen speak to us, Yeah.
Because oh, I know you're always on.
Yeah, you burnout.
I'm trying to Actually, I'm literally sorry, go ahead, babe, you can. You can follow up, because I'm looking for something specific to bring to his attention or our attention.
Rather, I personally felt like that because because when you get introduced to people through social media, they know you as a social media personality, but you can attest to this. You studied to be a classically trained fest s being you. Seeing you dance, people you act, people don't know that. They'll oh, that's the guy from Ellen Show, and it's annoying. So you spend all of your time constantly trying.
To prove to people.
I finally got to point now, where I'm like, man, I'm not proving to people who I am.
They gonna have to accept me by who I am.
I'm gonna have to take these breaks, like you said, to be able to refill my cup, because for years I was just going, going, going. It's content, content, content, And at this point now I realized that the quality of the content is so much more valuable just constantly putting out video.
I think than that, I think it is egos, also the quality of your own spirit. You know, people are asking me all the time, they be like, well, are you when you're gonna do another food video? And I'm always like, oh, I don't know, But in my heart, I'm like, it's not. I'm not because I know that that already served its purpose and I know that for what I want is bigger and it's more expansive, and if anything that I'm doing doesn't lead me to that, then it can't live here anymore, you know what I mean?
More to that for creators who don't understand that, because I know, as creators sometimes we felt that, you know, we used to do Instagram videos and YouTube videos every day, yeah, and then when we stop to move forward and doing more podcasting and more acting.
Then we got the backlash people it's like, oh, you forgot about us?
Yeah, can you speak to the creator that doesn't understand, that doesn't understand how moving forward doesn't mean you forgot about people.
Well, I think that's because we think that when you're moving forward, it still has to look like or feel like the success you once had with that other thing, and that isn't necessarily true. I think sometimes when you change or you adapt, then what happens is that you gain a new audience. And I think what you also learned is that the people that are actually here for you stick around around, and there is nothing wrong with losing people. And I think if it's no different in life. You know, we live life in chapters, and sometimes people can come with you, and sometimes people cannot. Right, I'm sure you have grown and people that you used to talk to you be like, yeah, that was great. Always tell people life is like a puzzle. And sometimes when you're putting together a puzzle, you get a piece and you try a twist and turn to make it fit in any way, and it does not fit right. But then you find a piece that does fit right, and then you keep putting that piece together, and you keep putting that puzzle together, but that but then eventually that piece does fit and the piece that fit earlier still exists within your puzzle, but it's already served its purpose.
That's agreed and always having a similar conversation with Tabitha Brown because people are like, girl, stick to the videos making vegan food, because that's how we fell in love with you, And she's just like baby like that was that was a means to that was getting me to a bigger purpose and to whatever else God happens store for me.
So I can completely relate to that.
Deval and I had to have a conversation because this year for us was very very much a transition year. We feel like it was a year kind of like repositioning ourselves, reassessing. And at one point we were away on some business trip, you know, the children were home. I'm one of the boys was sick, and we really looked at each other and we were like, what are we doing?
No for real, Like we both looked at each other like.
Yeah, we were like the whole point of us working the way we've been working and working to build this legacy for our boys was to have autonomy over our time so that we can do the things that we really want to do. We can spend the time with the boys that we really want to spend and make it quality. And in that moment, we were both like, we got to shut some of this down, Like just moving and trying to be in every space, at every event, at everything was not serving its purpose for us. It was just busy work after a while, you know. So it's funny because I just pulled. I had sent this to de Val and you mentioned by asking what his sign was all this, and I'm like, oh my goodness, Val, this was any other confirmation. You know. I kind of teeter a little bit on like the signs, but ultimately I'm like, God knows what's happening with our lives. But it said you've been running full speed all year, chasing goals like your life depends on it. But not everything worth having needs to be rushed. It's time to leave behind the idea that doing more faster is the only way to succeed. Twenty twenty five will be a year to slow down, breathe, and trust that the right things will come at the right time. A man, you don't always need to force things. Some doors open when you simply stand still and do that.
You literally just gave that same message. She sent this to me. I think it was three or four days ago here. So it's funny how we keep hearing the same messages. Like to be honest, I was like, I want to bring Calen here to talk about his journey. You've already delivered so much more than just talking about your journey, because you've been a reminder to us at least, And I know we have some listeners who are probably on their way to work right now, just hustling, hustling because that's all they know, because they don't know how to be still, you know what I'm saying, And listening to you and listening to that again, we all have to learn at times to be still so that we can move forward.
Exactly for your own growth too, of getting to know yourself better and to be able to look at the growth or to see what's changed or see what about you you want to do differently, you know what I mean, Like you have to have those moments of introspection. But even with you're talking about like the slow down and the calmness, right because you talked about me you know, taking a break. And it's like, even with me being in Atlanta right now, you know, when you texted me about coming, I was like, well, I don't know. I'm in rehearsals. I said, I don't know if I'm going to be able to get off, you know, or something like that. And then I got the call from Michelle Obama's team. You know, but even that being a regular, like that being normal, you know what I mean to be like. But I think that's where I am very proud of myself that I have devoted myself to making sure that I do good work and I do stand up work.
Yeah. The fact that people will call me to do stuff like this absolutely, you know what I mean.
It's not about who you know, it's about who knows.
You exactly and wants you exactly. But what you said is important. You you always do good work.
A lot of times people are quick to say, oh I got black balled or they don't like me, and it's just like, well, can we take a look at the work you've put forth before that to see if there.
Was something you might have done. No one ever wants to think about that.
They always feel like someone's slighting them I always tell even tell my boys, I'm like, yo, listen, You're not important enough for other people to go out of their way to mess your life up.
Bro.
Absolutely, if you if something's messed up in your life, more than likely you got it.
There right, fix it right.
I also think it becomes very dangerous when we get to a place where we feel we are above critique. I think that can be very dangerous. I don't live like that. I'm always open to critiques. Contain right, and I can take the critique and I could be like, Okay, yeah that's not true or that's not right. But I don't take that to heart.
Like it doesn't.
It doesn't change who I am. Even when we're talking about confidence, you know, of how I enter every room. I enter every room like I'm supposed to be there. You know, because even when you're talking about people telling you what we want you to just stick to this that has to do with their own insecurities.
That ain't got nothing to do with you. You know.
It's because so many people have become so comfortable with being stagnant in their own life and not having the courage to chase their own dreams. They don't want other people to because they want to be able to feel like.
I am against relatability.
I don't like it. I don't think it's real. I don't think people should aspire for it.
I think it's like because mediocrit as well.
Right, I'm like, we all live very different lives, and especially if you have worked hard for what you got and what you can do, you should be able to really bask in that to its fullest potential, you know what I mean, and not be worried about what somebody else gonna think. Because when we talk about humility, it's like that should be based on how you treat people.
Achieve.
I think humility is based on how you treat people because they always tell a person to be home, the person that's always fucking with other people, you know what I'm saying. The humble person doesn't matter how much they bask or what they wear. If that person is genuinely humble, no one ever tells that person to be humble. I'm trying to think of an example.
Well, not necessarily though, because you know you can be proud of For example, to Kyln's point, knowing that I aimed to land this role on Broadway and I landed it?
So am I going to be excited or not too excited?
Or if someone congratulate to you're like, oh, thank you so much, but they're expecting you to be like, oh my god, I can't believe this. It's like, no, someone can say that he's not humble because he expected that it was going to happen, you know what I mean.
Wow, See I didn't even I didn't even think about that. See, my mind don't even work like that. My mind doesn't even my mind a minute. You said you worked for something and you got there. I never thought that he weren't. You wasn't humble. I just thought, man, he works for that.
But you know what, I think people's reaction to it.
Possibly, yes, I think that also is because you're an athlete, you know. And I think the thing about that is fair because I always always say this thing. You know, people love to be like actors get hate there's much money for something like that. But you never hear that critique for anybody in the NFL. You never they will be like, yeah, they should be be paid thirty million dollars in the contract.
Well I understand why, though, I do, because it's a physicality. Absolutely in your life on the line. But I think it more comes down to how much money you generate.
Correct.
Athletes deserve to get paid, Actors deserve to get paid. If I generate one hundred and eighty million dollars for a film, I need to get at least twenty thirty percent of that if I'm leading that.
That's just absolutely I just think in it as far a sports, I feel like it's built in the culture to be successful, you know, and to celebrate the confidence, right will. I feel like on the other end, it's almost like, Okay, you can be successful, but don't become too successful.
You know what I mean, right, Or don't be too happy that you've become and at least people could tell.
It depends on the athlete.
For example, Aaron Rodgers can do the discount double check, right, He does a discount double check when he scores a touchdown. No one has a problem with it. Cam Newton does a Superman and they tell him to be humble. So it really depends on who celebrating. If you're a black athlete, for example, Serena Williams, Right, Serena Williams, she hits an ace and she cheered.
Oh, she needs to be humble and calmed down.
Yeah, you know, but if it's Shrypova, then it's look at the fierce competitor.
You know what I'm saying.
It really depends even with athletes what they look like and what they represent. Absolutely, But you're right though, athletes are told if you work for like if you beat somebody in something and you earned that, you can talk trash.
Right, It's just what it is.
But I think you know, because athletes, I think people the general public has a better understanding of how athletes become who they are. Well, I think a lot of people don't understand this world. I don't think people don't They don't know the intricacies that come into it, the work that goes into it. I think they look at it and they think it looks easy and it was like, oh, you just got lucky, and they don't know everything else that goes into it.
That's true, can I can?
I can relate to that because I've had people sometimes say, oh, well, y'all just do videos or y'all just do you know. You just hold a camera up and it's made to look easy, but they have no idea as you elevate too within this, like this whole thing with Val and I started with him holding up his I phone and you know, using iMovie to edit videos, and we were doing that and now it's like a full like we're literally like an ecosystem for people and their livelihood, you know, because of the elevation of the type of quality content that we're putting out there.
I'm glad you said that, because a lot of people don't also don't understand that a lot of people don't understand that sometimes the reason why I have to fight for certain stuff or or I'm fighting to get more recognition or notoriety is because, yeah, there are a lot of people that pay their bills because of me. There are a lot of people that take care of their family because I am paying them. And so yes, I have to be able to win. It's more than just me. It's not just about me.
And it's like there's so many other people that need me to win.
Maybe the sleepless nights, yes, but that's sitting up and wondering, OK, he wins the next check coming in and this year's everybody.
Nobody's been working this year.
My endsident are now talking about Yeah, I had to go get a corporate job or I had to go do this, that and the other. And it's like, yes, that that's great and all, but it's like when you think about the arts, it's the fact that you devote so much of your life to it to think that, well, why can't I survive just like everybody else?
You know, like for me, like I still ain't got a degree.
Yeah, you know, you're currently getting my master's in journalism and I'll be done with that soon, you know what I mean. So it's just like it's like, if I donet work so hard, why shouldn't I be able to just make a living and live my life?
You know? Why do you devalue?
And I always say that, especially during the strike, you know, when people are being so hard on actors for striking, I'm like, you don't even understand how people are paid. If you are not an a list actor, you are not making no money.
That you say on that billboard? What happens to grips and lighting? And you know, there's so much.
That's into it, so many people are affected, And I'm like, but but when you go home, and when you've been stressed, you go home and watch your favorite You go home and watch your favorite movie. You go listen to your favorite song. We the artists are providing you that escape, so you should want us to be able to do that, so that you can escape from that. And when you don't work that nine to five and they don't got on your nerves and the only thing that's gonna.
Make you happy is going home and watching the team, you know what I mean? Every Thursday.
We're joking, But the truth is there would be no mental health, there would be no space of.
Peace if it wasn't for art. Absolutely, like that's in all.
Like in all genres of anything, in all cultures, people when they look for space for like to just be themselves, escape, it's always to the arts.
No one, No one escapes to their money.
No, they escape to music, they escape to film, they escape to theaters. So art keeps people human and art tells stories. So for people who don't understand why artists get paid so much, that is why.
And not for nothing.
You have to dedicate your life to be a great artist. Yes you said, people don't realize. Okay, maybe I'm trying to think of an artist that Denzel Washington, right, Oh my god, he makes millions of dollars. There's one Jenny Denzel Washington in the generation Tom Brady, There's only one Tom Brady. All the other actors are trying to earn a living, just like you. Your normal mom and pop, you know, shop, your normal barber, like we all trying to make money. The thing that I noticed that you talked about today, though, is your recognition of business while being an artists. And we have to I want to close out on that before we get to listen to letters. What would be your message, because we talked to our artists people who are listening about always maintaining a job. Right you said that you gave up a job or you let it go because you didn't see your vision. Talk about what it was about your vision that made me choose Okay, this is a business moment, but this here is an art moment, because that balance is how you thrive as an artist.
You know. Actually, I think the better answers to that.
My pride and ego never gets in the way of what jobs I decide to do, and I don't base jobs that I take off of the money. I very rarely say no. And I'd also do a lot of stuff for free because I always know that sometimes the payment that I will receive in the long run will be worth more than money. I know that it will want whether it's who is connected with, or what stages on, or the opportunity I know in the long game will work out in my favor, you know. And I know more opportunities will come from me doing this one thing, because the more I have on a resume, the more experience I have, the more I can be paid on the long run. Because they don't know how much I was paid. I could have been paid zero dollars for five jobs in a row and they don't know that. But when they come because I have this on my resume, then I can ask for a certain amount because it's experience, experience.
And exposure and you work with a good impression. I mean, these are basics. I feel like that my mom has always taught me.
It's not basic case, it's not basically basic for a lot of people.
It's okay, it's not a lot of the things he said right now, like yeah, yeah, it makes sense. But if you explain to someone who's never heard it, they're like, yeah, you know. I had to tell clients this when I was training. It was like I don't want to train that person for free. I said, Bro, you have no clients, so you're either going to charge everybody one hundreds an hour or you're going to start to build a client list so that at some point someone will pay you. Now you have ten clients you're training for free, but they don't know that. I literally told my train is that and it worked out. Here's my resume, here's my people, this is what I charge. Oh, you got ten clients, you must be good payment.
I mean, because if I'm being honest, like Broadway is not paying me, they are underpaying people. Yeah, you know, I'm like, it's not given what you think it does.
You know what I mean?
And it's like, but that's not why I'm doing it, right, I feel I'm doing it because I love it. And I based every job I took off of how much I was being paid.
It was a whole bunch of I wouldn't be doing. That's true.
That's funny, because I was.
Going to segue to Broadway, has it been preparing for everything of it?
I mean considering look at you.
Said, he said, I don't make no money, but then look at his face.
Is that where you're supposed to be.
I don't know about that part, okay, but it's on stage, I mean, like, yes, I think.
It's more so.
The ability to just create something and in a collaborative way, you know, with people that care so much about it in the community that it brings you know what I mean.
Gosh, yeah, well meet me next Christmas.
I think had a little bit of that because we were all stuck in a place that a lot of us weren't from, you know what I mean, So it was kind of inevitable. And I think also when you're doing like a Christmas movie, it's a little different. It brings you know, like all rooted in the joy and it's a family film, so it had a little bit of that. But the difference in this is like one, it feels more like I've went home, you know, because I haven't been on the stage since I was in college.
Wow, And so to be able to go back and to be up there.
And also when you work in TV film, you know, you don't get any gratification from it, like the fact that I get to walk out to the stage door every night, you know, and I.
Get to meet Pete and stuff like that, Like you don't get that when you work.
It is nice to be able to connect to people in a real way, you know, order to perform a number. You're sitting there, You're looking at You're looking at the kids smiling and seeing the joy and being able to create that joy in the moment. And that's what I'm saying, Like, it's not always about the money, It's about the experiences.
We haven't made a done. We've been on tour for three years in a row.
We haven't made a dome, we haven't always breaking even on them live shows. But baby, I come alive on stage. Did you see my version of Beyonce? I get your approval, you.
Know I'll be tapped in.
I love that.
But you're absolutely right.
You are absolutely right, And I think that's the beauty thing about being an artist. You just want to create the art because you want to create it. I mean, think about this Christmas album. There's no way I am going to make back when I spent on that album.
There's no way. I'm not a music artist. I'm not Beyonce.
Maybe not sitting around waiting for the next Kaylen Christmas album.
That's another thing though, people say, you know, why would he you know, Why would he do this for even with us?
Why would they do duvushal? Why would they do because I wanted to What do you mean why I have no reason not to. I like to be on tour. She liked, Beyonce, let's do it. I did it for me.
Yes, people did it for me and I because even when I listened to the album now, I was like, I have poured so much of myself into this that that's the prize.
I've already gotten the reward.
I'm doing it for therapy for you. Did you feel?
Yes? Absolutely?
And when I was doing it, I also said, I'm only doing this so that I can do Broadway. I said, because I want I need to have some proof that I can sing, that I can do.
This on that The only reason we did videos because I wanted to act.
I had proof that I could do something other than just be a thug because I'm a black dude tattoos, right, And that's the sole reason why I picked the.
Phone, like we want to be on TV here, yeah, and we show people.
You need the proof of concept. You need to be able to prove that you can do it. People don't believe just by words with when you're a minority.
They they believe it when they actually finally see you got to show it to them.
Moments of truth from this conversation. Yeah, I got so many moments of truth. Yeah, at the end of the just so you know, at the end of the conversation, always do a moment of truth, like what did you learn?
And I got my moment of truth. I got a couple, but I got there.
All right, Let's take a quick break and then we can come back. Will you stick around for a couple of listening letters before you go. We all little time. I've been timing it so you can give it your cents and what the people are talking about today. All right, Let's take a quick break, pay some bills, and we're going to get back into listener letters with our guest today, Caitlin Allen.
Stick round.
All right, we're back and it is time for listener letters, the moment in truth, all that good stuff, and I'll dive right in with our first listener letter for today. All right, Hello, Kadeen and Deval and Caitlin. A little background. I'm thirty two, married with one son. He's six pregnant with my second child, a girl, due December twenty ninth. My husband's approaching forty in December. Also, I have a full time job and used to braid here to bring in extra funds to help us meet our wants. My job helps me meet the needs. My husband works and pays majority of the bills, but paid once monthly, and lately it's been a struggle getting to the next month. He's been miserable at his job for a few months, even maybe a year. He's been there eight years. In February, he was promoted last year. However, they let him know they weren't interested in helping him reach his max potential. He consistently complains about our financial situation, but won't start a new job. Now that I'm pregnant, I'm no longer braiding. I refuse to work to two jobs pregnant sidebark jobs are paying locally twenty to thirty k a year for his recent obtained status, which would make a difference in our financial situation twenty to thirty kre year. He says he wants to wait until I have the baby, but to me, it's just an excuse. He's comfortable there and doesn't really like change. I know he will be great at his next endeavor, but he kind of always had lower self esteem about himself and his abilities. It's gotten better over the ten years we've been together, but I'm seeing that more of these days with holding on to changing jobs, and maybe it's more like imposter syndrome. So look at that, and maybe it's more like imposter syndrome, like he doesn't believe he deserves it.
We also plan to move.
From Ohio to Columbia, South Carolina next year or next summer rather, and that's something that he's also been holding him back from applying for better opportunities since he knows we'd be helping us save and pay off some debt to prepare for this move. He doesn't want to start a new job and have to start in another state. I say it's worth it. If he's scared to pull the trigger in Ohio, I'm wondering if he will be able to pull the trigger for a new state when we move. I won't be working to adjust with the move, however, I do plan to return after we lock in buying a new home and currently selling.
I know what you're going to ask.
He told me that he would fill out applications this weekend and he didn't.
He just watched football all weekend while I worked on his relocation cover letter.
My question is, how do I support his standstill knowing that he's worth more elsewhere, but won't take the steps needed to move from this employer.
You gotta you gotta thought problem.
This is my thought and a lot of things go back to trauma stuf for whatever reason that he has in pasta syndrome, But it does seem like he's unwilling to get up off his ass. Maybe because he's afraid to try and fail. Well, maybe because he believes he doesn't deserve it. We don't know why, because until we hear his perspective, we won't. But I think that at some point, as his wife, she should have that open conversation with missay.
Dude, I'm pregnant, I'm not getting another job.
The time to do it is now, Like you can't keep saying tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow will ever come?
Like Kadein and I have talked about this in our marriage.
When you say something to your partner, your partner doesn't want to hear hear you say you're going to do something your partner wants to see you do what you say you're going to do right and that.
This support to your partner and getting that done.
And at this point that's what she needs. She needs to say, you got to get this done so I can be of support.
Yeah, because to be complacent for eight years in a job a long time.
I've never been to complacent for eight minutes in anything, let alone eight.
Years develop went apple picking with me and the boys are speaking and he.
Was I was on it.
He was on it eight minutes. He was ready to got eight minutes.
I mean from what from the letter, it seems almost as if she's ourlready had that conversation, and so at this point I think it's no longer her responsibility. I think this is more of a conversation of honestly therapy, because this seems to be a little bit more deeply rooted, you know, because it's the fact of like it feels a little bit of like, yes, I'm comfortable and even though I hate it, there if to me in his mind feels like, well, this is easier than me having to step into the unknown afraid to change, or having to face yourself to have to work a little differently, you know what I mean? Or scared that maybe if you go in somewhere they may push you a little differently or expect something different from you.
You know. So I think that's an internal thing of him.
You know, I'm not a fan of we don't know they race, but black women having to come to save the man all.
The time, you know what I mean.
I talk about this all the time, and sometimes I'm called misogynistic and sometimes i'm told old school. But I don't think that it's a woman's responsibility to have to do a heavy lifting. I think as a man, it's your job to provide and protect. If you used discernment to pick that woman, you chose to ask her, she used descernment to choose you, and y'all said yes together. So when she says she requires something, it is your job as a man. Now, I've been called misogynistic.
Because of that, I've been called old school. I think that's But a lot of people don't.
They think that that's an old school way of thinking that it's a man responsibility. What if a woman wants to work, I said, I'm not saying she don't have to work. I'm saying she can work if she wants to. But if a man asks a woman to be his wife, that's your job.
Bro.
It pisses me off, bro, Like when a dude, I would I would tell drugs. I do anything if my wife and my kids needed to eat or something. It's nothing that I'm not doing, you know. I was eighteen hours in that gym. It.
Oh my.
There was certain times of people that I had to train and I couldn't stand.
Now.
When I was training our kids and the kids that I knew were invested in it, I loved it. But then there was ours where've I had clients who, you know, some women just needed someone event too, And I was like, you don't really want to work out, but I got to be there four thirty in the morning to hear you vent and you're only gonna do three push ups the whole time, right, you know.
I had to do that for hours. But I'll do that for my family.
I think that goes beyond a partnership. I think that can go on to just individual life. I hear a lot of people always talking about what they want or their dreams and aspirations, but don't want to put any work in on.
It, you know what I mean?
Many times said how else do you expect exactly.
You just think it's going to be handed to you or it's going to come out of thin air. And that's why I'm saying, I think this is more a personal things. Yes, it's like he gotta want better for himself in order to want better for or to do better for you, you know.
What I mean. Otherwise you're gonna always be in this battle. You know. That's why I start with trauma. Where does the imposta shim drone come from?
Right?
Something happened and now you feel you don't deserve what you happen. He has to figure out what that is.
I understand too.
Sometimes within a relationship or just in general, as you said, individuals, you get into a rut, whether it's a creative or you may just feel like, damn, I'm in this dead end job, or just in this particular moment, I'm just not feeling like myself. And when you are in a partnership, it's nice to have someone kind of just like help push you along. But when you feel like you're literally having to drag someone to that somebody step.
You know, yeah, the whole A woman has to save a guy. I don't. I don't believe in that.
I feel like a man has to be prepared to be a husband before he asked the woman to marry him, and.
Sometimes you're not prepared. I wasn't prepared.
But when I got married and the ship was falling apart because my attitude was terrible and my ego was bad, I had to look within at that point and say, what can I do to change this? Like I can't say it's your job to motivate me, Like that's not what a man is supposed to do. He gonna have to work on that, right, you know what I'm saying. She realized that telling him the truth because that's what she used to do. Oh, sure did lots of truth moments. Baby, I don't know truth. Oh did you see that the thing I sent you about the tiger tongue? No, it is a tiger tongue and it has the look you nasty. There was a tiger's tongue and it had like the inside look at it, and it had like little razors on it, and it was like, the tiger's tongue is the second most dangerous thing in the world behind a woman's tongue. And then underneath it, it says a woman's tongue is so dangerous. It can speak life or death into anything. And when you think about how valuable that is, it's the truth. Think about the stuff your mom has said to you. There are things in my life that stick with me just because my mom said it. There are things that I know as a man because you've said it to Wow, you know what I'm saying.
And now I have four boys, Yes, that makes me more mindful of the things that I say to them, though I try to be very hyper aware of that. There's been many moments where Devo is just like, you've never been a little boy before, you won't grow into a man.
So like, take this approach.
With the boys just so that I'm you know, I'm just careful as to how I handle them, how I speak life into them, how I you know, even reprimand them, because I know the last thing effects that it will potentially have. But that's pretty interesting.
There's an African proverb that says a managed to be soft with his hands and a woman soft with her words. And if you think about that, like so many different versions of that is I think there's a verse in the Bible that says something like that, a managed to be soft with his hands, and she's soft with her words. At the power the tongue, it all goes back to what we started with the power that it is.
Hopefully she uses her.
Tongue to get him motivated in an unpauseworthy way.
Oh my god, crazy. I wasn't trying to go there, Igrance over. We only got time for one, got time for one?
All right, It is all good, Kaylin. It's been a great time having you, bro. We just scratched the surface. It's going we need to do a reap it. Maybe when we get to New York to do an episode with him on.
I would love to.
I feel like there's so many things that we.
And you know, people going to say we cousins now for real once they see it together. I would say that.
I would say of the movie, I thought that our scenes together had the best chemistry.
Yes, as a non bias, well, I guess it's kind of biased. I love the home every senior and babe. However, Kelln, I do appreciate the scenes, even the kids. Some of our families have seen it already because we've had a little like access to it, and everyone like they were it was so memorable memorable.
Thought stole thought you stole it.
But I and I texted you and I said, I think you're the heart of the movie. There is something and I think it was so nice to see, especially like a black man lead, that there was a softness to your character that felt like really brought the movie together and kind of like steered the ship that I really enjoy And I think also, and I do want to say this, because Jordi is a very feminine, queer character, and I really appreciated the comfort that you brought to the to the to the set for me to be able to be that and for us to have that relationship in the movie because I think about that, Yeah, because I felt like that wasn't common. I feel like a lot of times when you have that type of character in the movie, usually the more feminine carror is like the comedic relief or the butt of all the I think from the jump we kind of set the president that we were going to make sure that we felt like real family.
Well that's that's I'm glad you brought that up, cause I completely forgot about that. But you and I made a point beforehand we sat down and I was like Yo, let's give them a handshake.
Yes, And he was like, why you want to give them a handshake?
I said, because I want them to see a straight man and a game man on camera have a sort of camaraderie and be physical and love each other.
Without people being like uh, and they can see us do it naturally. You know what I'm saying.
But that's also just that's who Kadina. I worry about humanity. You just want all people to be able to get together.
Feel comfortable they are, and shout out to you.
We've be uncomfortable because I also exist in a space where i'm you know, my chol muscle. A lot of times I get around dude to a little bit more feminine and they automatically go into a show and don't know how to be around me, and I'm like.
How to be themselves?
They know how to be themselves? And you was like no, Beyonce, and they came excreaing of me. How I gave me a big com like damn this, You're just a human.
And that's that's why I think the movie is going to resonate with people because our cast got together like humans who really love each other, like I know you can text Christina.
I still text Christina. Our families got together with Christina.
I guess I'm like honorary family member.
I'm trying to find me a man. Hit pairs to the story crazy same birthday they met, same birtha.
That's crazy, crazy crazy crazy. Naylan, thank you so much for sitting with us today. You have to tell everybody about all the things. So we know about ELF on Broadway. Give us like a timeline to find.
You all that good stuff.
First is Christmas Memories. That's the Christmas album that comes out of November. First, our first opening, our preview is for ELF November ninth.
We were from November ninth to.
January fourth, and then the meet Next Christmas comes out November sixth.
Also, this next two weeks is a k.
Our team gonna be busy, man.
I love that. And don't forget to vote. Yes y'all, Ye, yes, November fifth, Yes, counting on everybody? All right, all that good stuff?
All right.
So first of all, if you want to be featured as a listener letter, be sure to email us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com.
That's d E A d A S S A d V I C e at gmail dot.
Com housekeeping out the way? All right, did you want to go to a moment of truth? Did you have anything else you wanted to wrap up with? Or I thought that was a nice little wrap up moment.
I thought it was a nice rap. My moment of truth is man, words have power. M h words have power. You gotta believe in yourself. And also, don't be afraid. This is what I've learned from Kaitlyn say, don't be afraid to praise yourself because you put the work in. It was God's vision. God gave it to you, put the work in. So baby, praise yourself.
That was cool. You kind of overlapped with my moment of truth.
It was like, if you've seen it, if it was placed on your heart, if God gave you this purpose and you fully execute that and bring it to fruition, don't be surprised. Yeah, you are exactly where you were supposed to be. Come on, period, come on, round it out for us now, baby, do you have a moment of truth based episode?
We spoke about so much today.
We did, you know?
I think I think my moment of truth is don't be afraid of the softness that community can bring you. I think fostering community can unlock different parts of you that will then bleed into other parts of your life. Like I told my I once said that, you know, I feel like a lot of my life, and especially with my journey and career, was out of survival, of being like this queer kid from Kansas and needing a way out and wanting to you know, be able to support myself by myself. And then I reached a point mainly in that break, where I was like, if this is who I could be when I was trying to survive, I can only imagine who I could be if I started creating out of joy and out of love.
You know.
I was like, so I've allowed myself to let the softer moments come into me so that it un locks even more.
Out of my spirit.
Spirit.
Wow, that's deep, bro, you're a very deep and profound person. Twenty years old, man, that's twenty eight. Well you're twelve years my junior. Young.
You have a lot of life ahead of.
Your right, Please, Bro, thank you keep this this spirit you got.
Yes, we don't invite people to our house. Chill, we don't.
You don't invite people. I don't invite people food.
At least I know when I come to see me see you in New York, I'll come with an empty stomach.
Because he can cook. Because he can cook to you. Don't just rape food. He cooked them.
And be sure to find us on Patreon to see exclusive dead Ass podcast content as well as exclusive Ellis family content, and you can find this on social media at dead Ass the podcast.
I'm Kadeen Iam.
And I am Devouting.
If you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review and subscribe, and last, but not least, make sure you pick up that copy of We Over Me. The counter intuitive approach to getting everything you want out of your relationship. The race is to get to one hundred thousand copies sold.
Baby, Let's get it at the end of the year.
Baby tis the season. Follow La La Lah, deck the halls, all that stuff. Where are you Christmas?
Yeah?
Here the corner. Listen.
I'm not backup singer for you, baby, because y'all know I've butchered a karaoke song or two in my day.
But we can celebrate a great voice when we have it.
Here.
Where can people find you? Kalyn?
You can find me everywhere at the Kaylin Allen The dead Ass.
Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network, and it's produced by Donor, Pinya and Triple. Follow the podcast on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and Never miss a Thing
