What's the most common consequence of a lite period A run on sentence.

What's the most common consequence of a lite period A run on sentence.

I got addicted to eating coins, and I have no idea why. I just can't make heads or tails of it.

I got addicted to eating coins, and I have no idea why. I just can't make heads or tails of it.

What did I say to my wife after I bought her the wrong kind of flower?

What did I say to my wife after I bought her the wrong kind of flower?

Whoops?

Whoops?

A daisy?

A daisy?

What do you call someone who gets buried in the wrong plot at the cemetery a grave error?

What do you call someone who gets buried in the wrong plot at the cemetery a grave error?

What is Lassie's favorite veggie? Califlower?

What is Lassie's favorite veggie? Califlower?

What do you call a pile of leggings from around the globe world peace?

What do you call a pile of leggings from around the globe world peace?

I always stacked Julius Caesar above my dictionary. It's a Greek play on words.

I always stacked Julius Caesar above my dictionary. It's a Greek play on words.

It'll be lonely for the first colonists of Mars, but at least they'll have sesame Street. That's why they sent the Mars grover.

It'll be lonely for the first colonists of Mars, but at least they'll have sesame Street. That's why they sent the Mars grover.

I'm a life coach for ventriloquis dummies. The results speak for themselves.

I'm a life coach for ventriloquis dummies. The results speak for themselves.

What would they call Elon if he was a biscuit? Elon Rusk.

What would they call Elon if he was a biscuit? Elon Rusk.

The sign in the bathroom said employees must wash hands, so I waited ended up having to wash them myself.

The sign in the bathroom said employees must wash hands, so I waited ended up having to wash them myself.

Police are looking for a thief who stole a gold brooch from my local museum. I hope they don't pin it on me.

Police are looking for a thief who stole a gold brooch from my local museum. I hope they don't pin it on me.

Who do religious fundamentalists blame for the over commercialization of Christmas? Pariah Carey?

Who do religious fundamentalists blame for the over commercialization of Christmas? Pariah Carey?

What do you call an artist crap? Leonardo du Pinci.

What do you call an artist crap? Leonardo du Pinci.

Last night I had a dream that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

Last night I had a dream that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

Why did the tomato turn rat at the grocery store because it saw the salad dressing?

Why did the tomato turn rat at the grocery store because it saw the salad dressing?

I dated a little person and she broke up with me after a week. I'm okay, though I was already over her.

I dated a little person and she broke up with me after a week. I'm okay, though I was already over her.

When I was a kid, I had a pet snail, and because it went so slow, I took off its shell to make it go faster. It didn't work, though, it just became more sluggish.

When I was a kid, I had a pet snail, and because it went so slow, I took off its shell to make it go faster. It didn't work, though, it just became more sluggish.

My wife thinks I'm having an affair. I took her golfing with me for the first time, and she said, there's no way you can spend so much time and money on something you're this bad at.

My wife thinks I'm having an affair. I took her golfing with me for the first time, and she said, there's no way you can spend so much time and money on something you're this bad at.

Where do baby ghosts go during the day dayscare?

Where do baby ghosts go during the day dayscare?

Why does Waldo wear stripes on his shirt because he doesn't want to be spotted.

Why does Waldo wear stripes on his shirt because he doesn't want to be spotted.

Why don't the skeletons fight each other because they don't have the guts.

Why don't the skeletons fight each other because they don't have the guts.

I always get sick after being served fried garbonzo beans. They make me felawful.

I always get sick after being served fried garbonzo beans. They make me felawful.

Have you seen the documentary about what happens when you wake up? It was eye opening?

Have you seen the documentary about what happens when you wake up? It was eye opening?

Hang in there for more laughs and groans after this quick announcement. What's Vlad Tpitsh's favorite car? The Impala?

Hang in there for more laughs and groans after this quick announcement. What's Vlad Tpitsh's favorite car? The Impala?

I don't get why everyone was so upset with me when I pretended to be an amputee as a joke. It was just an armless prank.

I don't get why everyone was so upset with me when I pretended to be an amputee as a joke. It was just an armless prank.

Do you know why it's hard to find ants on sale? Because they're clear ants?

Do you know why it's hard to find ants on sale? Because they're clear ants?

Dad? Can you make me a sandwich? Dad walks over, grabs two slices of bread, combs, and comes back places bread over my ears. There, Now you're a sandwich.

Dad? Can you make me a sandwich? Dad walks over, grabs two slices of bread, combs, and comes back places bread over my ears. There, Now you're a sandwich.

This old letter of mine keeps tipping over. I can't stand it anymore. Why doesn't the death note exist in real life? Someone wrote Chuck Norris name in it, and of the death note died. Even if a bear wears shoes and sucks, it will still have bear feet.

This old letter of mine keeps tipping over. I can't stand it anymore. Why doesn't the death note exist in real life? Someone wrote Chuck Norris name in it, and of the death note died. Even if a bear wears shoes and sucks, it will still have bear feet.

My friend told me his wife wanted to trade out their audi. I asked, who in the hell wants to buy a belly button?

My friend told me his wife wanted to trade out their audi. I asked, who in the hell wants to buy a belly button?

Bartender offered me a free coffee from not getting my order on time, but I couldn't accept it. It was to latee. Why is the ocean salty? The land never waves back? Who was the highest ranking officer at your local U haul?

Bartender offered me a free coffee from not getting my order on time, but I couldn't accept it. It was to latee. Why is the ocean salty? The land never waves back? Who was the highest ranking officer at your local U haul?

Need your hassle? What does Mario do at the end of each level? He takes an exit poll.

Need your hassle? What does Mario do at the end of each level? He takes an exit poll.

I have some racing geese for sale. Want to take a quick gander?

I have some racing geese for sale. Want to take a quick gander?

This one easy trick guarantees you'll trap a mouse.

This one easy trick guarantees you'll trap a mouse.

Use click bait, excuse me, waiter my onion rings? Answer it?

Use click bait, excuse me, waiter my onion rings? Answer it?

Then I'm mad that my air conditioning doesn't work. I just need to vet.

Then I'm mad that my air conditioning doesn't work. I just need to vet.

Today I learned that Albert Einstein was an actual physicist. I always thought he was just a theoretical physicist.

Today I learned that Albert Einstein was an actual physicist. I always thought he was just a theoretical physicist.

How do you stop a bull from charging cancel its credit card?

How do you stop a bull from charging cancel its credit card?

Why did the bicycle fall over because it was too tired.

Why did the bicycle fall over because it was too tired.

Why are automobiles made in Eastern Europe so unreliable because the check engine light is always on?

Why are automobiles made in Eastern Europe so unreliable because the check engine light is always on?

Why did the fish flip because it saw the sushi roll?

Why did the fish flip because it saw the sushi roll?

I went to the brewing convention. It started with reading off the list of absentees.

I went to the brewing convention. It started with reading off the list of absentees.

Why do all fish get bad grades? They're below sea level?

Why do all fish get bad grades? They're below sea level?

What do you call a baby deer that wears goofy hats a weird dough?

What do you call a baby deer that wears goofy hats a weird dough?

It's a five minute walk from my house to the bar, but a forty five minute walk from the bar to my house. The difference is staggering. Yesterday was a bad day. All my color pencils were blunt. I had no blank pages. My sharpener broke in anger. I snapped my pencils in half. My life had become pointless. Why shouldn't you buy velcro? It's a ripoff.

It's a five minute walk from my house to the bar, but a forty five minute walk from the bar to my house. The difference is staggering. Yesterday was a bad day. All my color pencils were blunt. I had no blank pages. My sharpener broke in anger. I snapped my pencils in half. My life had become pointless. Why shouldn't you buy velcro? It's a ripoff.

Reading the Harry Potter series is a lot like growing up and aging. As time passes, you get a lot more hairy and serious and moody.

Reading the Harry Potter series is a lot like growing up and aging. As time passes, you get a lot more hairy and serious and moody.

Chuck Norris doesn't need at thesaurus words rearrange themselves to his liking out of sheer terror.

Chuck Norris doesn't need at thesaurus words rearrange themselves to his liking out of sheer terror.

I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my six year old son wasn't actually mine. She then said, I need to pay more attention at school.

I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my six year old son wasn't actually mine. She then said, I need to pay more attention at school.

Pickup what happened When the butcher backed into the meat grinder, he got a little behind in his work.

Pickup what happened When the butcher backed into the meat grinder, he got a little behind in his work.

I got fired from the calendar factory. I don't know why. All I did was take a day off.

I got fired from the calendar factory. I don't know why. All I did was take a day off.

What time do you go to the dentist? Two thirty.

What time do you go to the dentist? Two thirty.

Bars should put an herb in their drinks to indicate its last call. Closing time.

Bars should put an herb in their drinks to indicate its last call. Closing time.

What did the g c when it scored a goal? I'm goodah at this.

What did the g c when it scored a goal? I'm goodah at this.

I understand why his storians study the fall of Rome, But why don't they also study It's winter, spring, and summer.

I understand why his storians study the fall of Rome, But why don't they also study It's winter, spring, and summer.

How do you get Pikachu onto the bus? You Pokemon?

How do you get Pikachu onto the bus? You Pokemon?

I try to tell everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raising awareness.

I try to tell everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raising awareness.

The king of the forest plants got murdered by his own offspring, tree son.

The king of the forest plants got murdered by his own offspring, tree son.

How did I discover that my wife was having an affair? I came home from work early and I caught him feeling her cavity?

How did I discover that my wife was having an affair? I came home from work early and I caught him feeling her cavity?

What did the geometry teacher see when her parrot flew away? Polygon?

What did the geometry teacher see when her parrot flew away? Polygon?

I have a gene that makes me fat. He works at my local McDonald's.

I have a gene that makes me fat. He works at my local McDonald's.

I hate self deprecating humor, mainly because I'm really bad at it.

I hate self deprecating humor, mainly because I'm really bad at it.

I once dated a girl called Sue Dennam. Apparently that wasn't her real name.

I once dated a girl called Sue Dennam. Apparently that wasn't her real name.

Which musician was well known for throwing fruit chuck berry?

Which musician was well known for throwing fruit chuck berry?

Isn't that concerning if tomato is a fruit? What is Italian's problem with pianaple on pizza?

Isn't that concerning if tomato is a fruit? What is Italian's problem with pianaple on pizza?

What do you call a did stink bug? A stunt bug?

What do you call a did stink bug? A stunt bug?

Which parts of moles are the sweetest the mole asses.

Which parts of moles are the sweetest the mole asses.

Whenever I use a hammer, they call me Johnny lighting. I never hit the same place twice.

Whenever I use a hammer, they call me Johnny lighting. I never hit the same place twice.

My buddy lent me his watch. It was on borrowed time.

My buddy lent me his watch. It was on borrowed time.

How did the thermometer insult the graduated cylinder? They said, you may have graduated, but I have more degrees.

How did the thermometer insult the graduated cylinder? They said, you may have graduated, but I have more degrees.

I feel bad for the chiefs. They do so well and they keep getting the bill for it.

I feel bad for the chiefs. They do so well and they keep getting the bill for it.

My wife asked me if I'm really sure I'm a glass half full kind of guy. I'm like, I'm positive.

My wife asked me if I'm really sure I'm a glass half full kind of guy. I'm like, I'm positive.

I spent all day watching frogs on the pond. They were rivetted.

I spent all day watching frogs on the pond. They were rivetted.

Do you know why you never see elephants hiding in trees? Easy? It's because they're so good at it.

Do you know why you never see elephants hiding in trees? Easy? It's because they're so good at it.

What do you call a fly without wings a walk?

What do you call a fly without wings a walk?

I tried to say, no de vodka, but it's absolutely forty percent stronger than me.

I tried to say, no de vodka, but it's absolutely forty percent stronger than me.

I wanted to post something criticizing workplace diversity and inclusion training, but realized I left my phone at home on the toilet window sill. I should have checked my privy ledge.

I wanted to post something criticizing workplace diversity and inclusion training, but realized I left my phone at home on the toilet window sill. I should have checked my privy ledge.

I think my tailor is avoiding me. He cut all ties.

I think my tailor is avoiding me. He cut all ties.

What German Airline only flies horses?

What German Airline only flies horses?

Hoofstanza My logging says, my password insecure. Well maybe if it wasn't held to such high standards, it would be more confident.

Hoofstanza My logging says, my password insecure. Well maybe if it wasn't held to such high standards, it would be more confident.

You should say mucho around your Spanish friends. It really means a lot to them.

You should say mucho around your Spanish friends. It really means a lot to them.

I was walking in an alley downtown when a shady looking pigeon attacked me. Police are looking for the sus pect.

I was walking in an alley downtown when a shady looking pigeon attacked me. Police are looking for the sus pect.

I often think about buying a DeLorean, but I'd only drive it from time to time.

I often think about buying a DeLorean, but I'd only drive it from time to time.

There was a contest it worked for the best neck where it was the tie my.

There was a contest it worked for the best neck where it was the tie my.

Twin might win.

Twin might win.

I was worried the barber cut my hair too short, but it's starting to grow on me.

I was worried the barber cut my hair too short, but it's starting to grow on me.

In college, the subject Greek mythology was my weakness. I found it so confusing. I guess it was my Achilles' elbow.

In college, the subject Greek mythology was my weakness. I found it so confusing. I guess it was my Achilles' elbow.

The angels asked God if he'd finished making light and darkness. God replied, I can call it a day.

The angels asked God if he'd finished making light and darkness. God replied, I can call it a day.

I can cut a piece of wood just by looking at it. I know it sounds unbelievable, but I saw it with my own eyes.

I can cut a piece of wood just by looking at it. I know it sounds unbelievable, but I saw it with my own eyes.

What happens when you eat a car horn? You get the toots?

What happens when you eat a car horn? You get the toots?

Why did the battery break up with the outlet because it found someone positively shocking?

Why did the battery break up with the outlet because it found someone positively shocking?

Why do people in Athens. Hate waking up early because dawn is tough on Greece.

Why do people in Athens. Hate waking up early because dawn is tough on Greece.

Who is the philosopher that cannot say his name when you ask him, what's your name? Emmanuel can't?

Who is the philosopher that cannot say his name when you ask him, what's your name? Emmanuel can't?

What do you call fake spaghetti an impasta?

What do you call fake spaghetti an impasta?

What happens when you throw tons of books in the ocean? It causes a tidal wave.

What happens when you throw tons of books in the ocean? It causes a tidal wave.

Not all math puns are bad, just some.

Not all math puns are bad, just some.

I once dated an eccentric girl who used to horde magazines. She had so many issues.

I once dated an eccentric girl who used to horde magazines. She had so many issues.

I wanted to be artistic while driving to work this morning, so I let that van go first before taking my turn.

I wanted to be artistic while driving to work this morning, so I let that van go first before taking my turn.

When is a car not a car when it turns into a parking lot?

When is a car not a car when it turns into a parking lot?

Why is the color green always single? It's been so jaded with dating. Why did the photo go to jail because it was framed? Why did the blind miner fall into the well he didn't see that well? Where does snow White live at the White Castle? My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

Why is the color green always single? It's been so jaded with dating. Why did the photo go to jail because it was framed? Why did the blind miner fall into the well he didn't see that well? Where does snow White live at the White Castle? My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

I wanted to play organ in the jazz band. They told me to hit the roads.

I wanted to play organ in the jazz band. They told me to hit the roads.

To whom never stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word. I have access to many skills, and I excel at them.

To whom never stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word. I have access to many skills, and I excel at them.

I'm really enjoying my job as a police officer. I don't really have much to do, no plans.

I'm really enjoying my job as a police officer. I don't really have much to do, no plans.

Why did the magnet break up with the can because they didn't find them attractive?

Why did the magnet break up with the can because they didn't find them attractive?

She told me to never call her again. I don't remember even calling her again, but oh well.

She told me to never call her again. I don't remember even calling her again, but oh well.

When my dad died, he left me one hundred pairs of jeans, all sized forty eight waist, but I have a thirty two inch waist. I took them to my tailor to have them made to fit me, but my tailor looked shocked. I asked if he was okay. He said, yeah, that's just a lot to take in.

When my dad died, he left me one hundred pairs of jeans, all sized forty eight waist, but I have a thirty two inch waist. I took them to my tailor to have them made to fit me, but my tailor looked shocked. I asked if he was okay. He said, yeah, that's just a lot to take in.

Why did the police officer sit on the toilet to do his duty?

Why did the police officer sit on the toilet to do his duty?

I hate it when people tell me that age is just a number. It's clearly a word.

I hate it when people tell me that age is just a number. It's clearly a word.

When I took my pet Clam for a walk on the beach, the lifeguard told me it had to be on a leash. It was really tough walking with a pulled muscle.

When I took my pet Clam for a walk on the beach, the lifeguard told me it had to be on a leash. It was really tough walking with a pulled muscle.

I am not in a hurry to dismantle my clock. I am taking my time here.

I am not in a hurry to dismantle my clock. I am taking my time here.

I've been using the same pot for years without ever cleaning it. My mom always told me a washed pot never boils.

I've been using the same pot for years without ever cleaning it. My mom always told me a washed pot never boils.

My wife always brings her a game whenever she makes a dessert from ice cream and berries. That's why it always turns out parfait rather than parfb.

My wife always brings her a game whenever she makes a dessert from ice cream and berries. That's why it always turns out parfait rather than parfb.

How do digital plants on the metaverse grow? They use pot shop synthesis.

How do digital plants on the metaverse grow? They use pot shop synthesis.

Did you hear about the texts in Buddhist He believes in reintarnation.

Did you hear about the texts in Buddhist He believes in reintarnation.

What do you call a bunch of fortune tellers that enjoy talking to each other social media?

What do you call a bunch of fortune tellers that enjoy talking to each other social media?

The laughter is an over. We'll be back after this brief break. I hired death to redecorate my living room. I regret not considering the repercussions.

The laughter is an over. We'll be back after this brief break. I hired death to redecorate my living room. I regret not considering the repercussions.

Every morning I walk my cow through a vineyard. Yes, I heard it through the grapevine.

Every morning I walk my cow through a vineyard. Yes, I heard it through the grapevine.

It's illegal to laugh out loud in Hawaii. You have to keep it to a loha.

It's illegal to laugh out loud in Hawaii. You have to keep it to a loha.

A passenger finds himself in awe as a flight attendant questions window or I'll view? He replies, I love you too.

A passenger finds himself in awe as a flight attendant questions window or I'll view? He replies, I love you too.

My wife told me to take out the trash two days ago. I told her, don't worry. It's aging like fine wine.

My wife told me to take out the trash two days ago. I told her, don't worry. It's aging like fine wine.

Am thinking of opening a waxing parlor for the ultra rich. I've already got a slogan, pay a billion, Get a Brazilian.

Am thinking of opening a waxing parlor for the ultra rich. I've already got a slogan, pay a billion, Get a Brazilian.

Why do vampires hate vegans? They like blood, not v eight.

Why do vampires hate vegans? They like blood, not v eight.

What are the Man with the Golden Gun and Jungie edos Work have in common? They both have scary manga.

What are the Man with the Golden Gun and Jungie edos Work have in common? They both have scary manga.

What alcoholic beverage makes you smarter? Wid Beard?

What alcoholic beverage makes you smarter? Wid Beard?

Who is the highest ranking officer at best Buy Major Appliance?

Who is the highest ranking officer at best Buy Major Appliance?

What award did Gueston win in Beauty and the Beast? The Nobel Prize.

What award did Gueston win in Beauty and the Beast? The Nobel Prize.

If you cut off your left arm, your right arm would be left.

If you cut off your left arm, your right arm would be left.

The showers at the beach weren't working this morning. I'm still salty about it.

The showers at the beach weren't working this morning. I'm still salty about it.

I always tell myself to stop drinking, but I don't take advice from alcoholics.

I always tell myself to stop drinking, but I don't take advice from alcoholics.

Why was it so hard to find David Letterman's successor because no one else could compare?

Why was it so hard to find David Letterman's successor because no one else could compare?

This gaming console is pure evil? Nintendo's which.

This gaming console is pure evil? Nintendo's which.

Ibs goes back in my line for five generations runs in the family.

Ibs goes back in my line for five generations runs in the family.

I once knew a monk who was transformed into a gemstone. He had a beautiful crystal habit.

I once knew a monk who was transformed into a gemstone. He had a beautiful crystal habit.

I haven't seen my twin brothers since I left Australia. We were separated at Perth.

I haven't seen my twin brothers since I left Australia. We were separated at Perth.

I'd tell another pirate joke, but I'm finding it a rd to think of one.

I'd tell another pirate joke, but I'm finding it a rd to think of one.

What did the alien see to the landscaper? What on earth are you doing?

What did the alien see to the landscaper? What on earth are you doing?

I have a hard time hitting the trunk when I cut down a tree. I'm not very accurate.

I have a hard time hitting the trunk when I cut down a tree. I'm not very accurate.

I'm going to start smoking hot turkey.

I'm going to start smoking hot turkey.

Did you hear that timber Lake is on tour with Styles. He's bringing Harry back.

Did you hear that timber Lake is on tour with Styles. He's bringing Harry back.

Did you know that milk is the fastest food in the world. It's pasteurized before you see it.

Did you know that milk is the fastest food in the world. It's pasteurized before you see it.

I worked at a construction site and was told that I'm great at using a hammer. You could say that I nailed it.

I worked at a construction site and was told that I'm great at using a hammer. You could say that I nailed it.

Find a guy that holds your arm, walks with you and open the door. Yep. The police.

Find a guy that holds your arm, walks with you and open the door. Yep. The police.

What do customs agents use to put their crinkled copying sheets on the wall? Carbon Border adjustment tax?

What do customs agents use to put their crinkled copying sheets on the wall? Carbon Border adjustment tax?

Why did the farmer get a priest to bless his avocado crop because he wanted to make holy guacamole?

Why did the farmer get a priest to bless his avocado crop because he wanted to make holy guacamole?

Why didn't Rembrandt have money like most artists of his period. He was baroque.

Why didn't Rembrandt have money like most artists of his period. He was baroque.

Don't try eating aluminum like I did. You'll end up having to sheet metal.

Don't try eating aluminum like I did. You'll end up having to sheet metal.

Did you hear about the Canadian dinosaur who always crashed his cars? They were Torontosaurus rex.

Did you hear about the Canadian dinosaur who always crashed his cars? They were Torontosaurus rex.

I was really getting annoyed that my Nintendo we kept beeping when either I or one of the game characters said a swear word. Finally, I unplugged the censor.

I was really getting annoyed that my Nintendo we kept beeping when either I or one of the game characters said a swear word. Finally, I unplugged the censor.

Bar Dad, how do I look with your eyes? Son?

Bar Dad, how do I look with your eyes? Son?

My wife said she is leaving me because I sing shaggy songs all the time. So I said it wasn't me.

My wife said she is leaving me because I sing shaggy songs all the time. So I said it wasn't me.

I auditioned for a part in a silent version of Oliver Twist, and I got it. It's brilliant. I can't ask for more.

I auditioned for a part in a silent version of Oliver Twist, and I got it. It's brilliant. I can't ask for more.

Why are people from Saint Louis so grumpy all of the time? It's because they live in a state of Missouri.

Why are people from Saint Louis so grumpy all of the time? It's because they live in a state of Missouri.

If you stack one million programs, you end up with a proton.

If you stack one million programs, you end up with a proton.

Are postcards a waste of time? I think it's something worth addressing.

Are postcards a waste of time? I think it's something worth addressing.

What did they can't say to the vat meow?

What did they can't say to the vat meow?

Did you hear they're making a die Hard prequel? Apparently John McClain was raised from infancy by a group of elderly nuns because old habits die hard.

Did you hear they're making a die Hard prequel? Apparently John McClain was raised from infancy by a group of elderly nuns because old habits die hard.

I want to hear what happened when I faced the turkey a MONI ran.

I want to hear what happened when I faced the turkey a MONI ran.

Have you seen the Lost Battalion? People say they are gone?

Have you seen the Lost Battalion? People say they are gone?

They say food, can't use the phone? Then onion rings?

They say food, can't use the phone? Then onion rings?

Have you ever heard of the millefish. His best song is Hot and Herring.

Have you ever heard of the millefish. His best song is Hot and Herring.

Tequila can't solve all your problems, but it's worth a shot.

Tequila can't solve all your problems, but it's worth a shot.

What do you call a telotoby with good manners polite?

What do you call a telotoby with good manners polite?

What's the difference between a Vietnamese an Indian restaurant? One is fun profit, the other is nonprofit.

What's the difference between a Vietnamese an Indian restaurant? One is fun profit, the other is nonprofit.

My friend showed us his new cat he got from the shelter. I pointed at it and said that cat can't have kittens. My wife elbowed me in the ribs and said, why would you say that? I said, I'd just like to call a spade a spade.

My friend showed us his new cat he got from the shelter. I pointed at it and said that cat can't have kittens. My wife elbowed me in the ribs and said, why would you say that? I said, I'd just like to call a spade a spade.

Why are there no walmarts in Iraq? Because everything there is a target. What do you call.

Why are there no walmarts in Iraq? Because everything there is a target. What do you call.

When a chicken is standing in front of a lettuce a chicken sees a salad?

When a chicken is standing in front of a lettuce a chicken sees a salad?

What do you call two lizards arguing a reptile dysfunction?

What do you call two lizards arguing a reptile dysfunction?

Why did Dad bring a ladder to the bar for Christmas? He had heard the drinks were on the house.

Why did Dad bring a ladder to the bar for Christmas? He had heard the drinks were on the house.

John Wayne Gacy loved his kids. He kept them in the lawn next to his garage.

John Wayne Gacy loved his kids. He kept them in the lawn next to his garage.

I know a musician who only went to the beach on calm days. He liked he fled.

I know a musician who only went to the beach on calm days. He liked he fled.

My wife told me it's time to cut tide with my dad. We managed to cut thirty ties before being kicked out of the the clothing store.

My wife told me it's time to cut tide with my dad. We managed to cut thirty ties before being kicked out of the the clothing store.

Tried to write a joke about leaning too heavily on my wife. Turns out I can't deliver. Why did Bach have trouble supporting his family? Sometimes he was baroque. I felt uncomfortable driving into the cemetery. The GPS said I'd reached my final destination.

Tried to write a joke about leaning too heavily on my wife. Turns out I can't deliver. Why did Bach have trouble supporting his family? Sometimes he was baroque. I felt uncomfortable driving into the cemetery. The GPS said I'd reached my final destination.

My wife shot me with the nail gun. Today she thinks I'm a stud.

My wife shot me with the nail gun. Today she thinks I'm a stud.

What dinosaur has the most names which all mean the same thing, thesaurus?

What dinosaur has the most names which all mean the same thing, thesaurus?

I'm probably building a wooden shock tomorrow. It's not shed and stone.

I'm probably building a wooden shock tomorrow. It's not shed and stone.

What do you call the center of mass of a cemetery? The berry center?

What do you call the center of mass of a cemetery? The berry center?

My wife said I never listened to her, at least I think that's what she said.

My wife said I never listened to her, at least I think that's what she said.

I found like half a teaspoon of broumwashed carrots, celery and onion on the cutting board. At first I was worried, but it was only a mere poix.

I found like half a teaspoon of broumwashed carrots, celery and onion on the cutting board. At first I was worried, but it was only a mere poix.

I came home late one night and my deaf wife started yelling at me, so I switched off the lights.

I came home late one night and my deaf wife started yelling at me, so I switched off the lights.

We all know Switzerland's flag is a big plus, but Canada's flag I could take relief.

We all know Switzerland's flag is a big plus, but Canada's flag I could take relief.

Freddy is not allowed to play the guitar, but Brian May.

Freddy is not allowed to play the guitar, but Brian May.

Did you hear about the guy who ate lots of beans just so he could fart a lot? There were just a beans to an end.

Did you hear about the guy who ate lots of beans just so he could fart a lot? There were just a beans to an end.

Why did the chicken cross the road on my jog yesterday? Seriously? Why did it? I was running and then a chicken came out of the bushes and crossed the road. I was going.

Why did the chicken cross the road on my jog yesterday? Seriously? Why did it? I was running and then a chicken came out of the bushes and crossed the road. I was going.

How does the ghost lose weight by exorcising?

How does the ghost lose weight by exorcising?

Can't help but feel a degree of sympathy for ed Geene. He just wasn't comfortable in his own skin.

Can't help but feel a degree of sympathy for ed Geene. He just wasn't comfortable in his own skin.

How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler.

How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler.

I'm writing a poem about making decisions. It's got its pros and cons.

I'm writing a poem about making decisions. It's got its pros and cons.

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes but nothing to like them with, so they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes but nothing to like them with, so they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

I help butcher sell their meat on the black market. Considering the risk, I take a big cut.

I help butcher sell their meat on the black market. Considering the risk, I take a big cut.

What's green and has wheels? Dress? I lied about the wheels.

What's green and has wheels? Dress? I lied about the wheels.

Did you hear about the soup that everyone said tasted funny? It was a laughingstock.

Did you hear about the soup that everyone said tasted funny? It was a laughingstock.

What do you call an outgoing high jumper an extrovert.

What do you call an outgoing high jumper an extrovert.

The doctor told me you have cancer, but we can treat it. I asked, what's the cure. The doctor replied the cure as a British rock band fronted by Robert Smith. But let's try to stay focused.

The doctor told me you have cancer, but we can treat it. I asked, what's the cure. The doctor replied the cure as a British rock band fronted by Robert Smith. But let's try to stay focused.

The cemetery has been crowded lately. People were just dying to get in.

The cemetery has been crowded lately. People were just dying to get in.

What do you call a shop in India that sells a nice selection of food? A delicatessen?

What do you call a shop in India that sells a nice selection of food? A delicatessen?

Where does virgin wool come from?

Where does virgin wool come from?

Ugly sheep? A that is your best defense against mosquitoes. A single brown back can eat up to two of a mint an hour.

Ugly sheep? A that is your best defense against mosquitoes. A single brown back can eat up to two of a mint an hour.

I always turn anything positive into a negative. Some say I have the minus touch.

I always turn anything positive into a negative. Some say I have the minus touch.

I met my future wife at a Castanet's lessons club. We just clicked.

I met my future wife at a Castanet's lessons club. We just clicked.

Did you hear about the family of Scottish ninjas Clan DestinE?

Did you hear about the family of Scottish ninjas Clan DestinE?

Why is Santa able to enter so many homes on Christmas Eve? He has probable claws.

Why is Santa able to enter so many homes on Christmas Eve? He has probable claws.

What's a drag racer's favorite meal break fast?

What's a drag racer's favorite meal break fast?

Why did the miner fall down the well he couldn't see that well.

Why did the miner fall down the well he couldn't see that well.

How many stormtroopers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many stormtroopers does it take to change a light bulb?

None?

None?

They are all on the dark side.

They are all on the dark side.

I got an internship job at a newdist camp. I'm doing it for the exposure.

I got an internship job at a newdist camp. I'm doing it for the exposure.

I shout at thesaurus today. The dinosaur screeched and yelled as it died.

I shout at thesaurus today. The dinosaur screeched and yelled as it died.

I spent all day at the docks watching ships being built. It was riveting.

I spent all day at the docks watching ships being built. It was riveting.

What do you get when you add yeast to the sun a sunrise?

What do you get when you add yeast to the sun a sunrise?

Why did the man sprinkle sugar on his pillow on New Year's Eve? He wanted to start the year with sweet dreams.

Why did the man sprinkle sugar on his pillow on New Year's Eve? He wanted to start the year with sweet dreams.

My wife told me to contribute something to the Halloween dinner. I did the mash.

My wife told me to contribute something to the Halloween dinner. I did the mash.

How does Mario commune with his dead brother? He uses a Luigi board.

How does Mario commune with his dead brother? He uses a Luigi board.

What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

What do you call a smart taste? Artificial flavored intelligence?

What do you call a smart taste? Artificial flavored intelligence?

It's not the minutes spent at the dinner table that make you fat, it's the seconds.

It's not the minutes spent at the dinner table that make you fat, it's the seconds.

What do you call someone selling eyeglasses and the furthest reaches of Alaska an optical illusion.

What do you call someone selling eyeglasses and the furthest reaches of Alaska an optical illusion.

I just spilled all of the pancake mix on my wife. You could say she's my batter half.

I just spilled all of the pancake mix on my wife. You could say she's my batter half.

I'm a professional gardener, and a Japanese customer asked me what I knew about Bonsai trees, I replied very little.

I'm a professional gardener, and a Japanese customer asked me what I knew about Bonsai trees, I replied very little.

Why isn't BDSM popular among mutes? They don't have a stu.

Why isn't BDSM popular among mutes? They don't have a stu.

I've ended up in a little financial trouble. In fact, I owe so much money. My herb dealer just called and threatened to send round the bay leafs.

I've ended up in a little financial trouble. In fact, I owe so much money. My herb dealer just called and threatened to send round the bay leafs.

What does the ice queen do on Twitter? Sleep?

What does the ice queen do on Twitter? Sleep?

Why can't ducks play basketball? They're always getting foul calls?

Why can't ducks play basketball? They're always getting foul calls?

Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field.

Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field.

There's only one thing better than the super Bowl, and that's a hyperbole.

There's only one thing better than the super Bowl, and that's a hyperbole.

What's the best thing to do when you're itchy? Start from scratch?

What's the best thing to do when you're itchy? Start from scratch?

Where does oil of ole come from? Old bullfighters?

Where does oil of ole come from? Old bullfighters?

What size of shirt does the psychic wear? Medium?

What size of shirt does the psychic wear? Medium?

Why did the man fall down the well because he couldn't see that well?

Why did the man fall down the well because he couldn't see that well?

I'm expecting a French existentialist book to arrive. I'm waiting for waiting for Godot.

I'm expecting a French existentialist book to arrive. I'm waiting for waiting for Godot.

Got my shot for shingles yesterday, and just to be on the safe side, I went ahead and got one for vinyl siding and termites.

Got my shot for shingles yesterday, and just to be on the safe side, I went ahead and got one for vinyl siding and termites.

Two company said I'm too impatient to wait for griepes to dry. They fired me for no reason.

Two company said I'm too impatient to wait for griepes to dry. They fired me for no reason.

I was arrested again for trespassing on a farm because I love frosted flakes, I won't sugarcoat it. I'm a cereal cornstalker.

I was arrested again for trespassing on a farm because I love frosted flakes, I won't sugarcoat it. I'm a cereal cornstalker.

Where do astronauts get their pets fixed at the International Space Station?

Where do astronauts get their pets fixed at the International Space Station?

I like to need more bud, I'd rather have a whole one.

I like to need more bud, I'd rather have a whole one.

What did one nuts say as it was chasing the other? I'm gonna cash you, even in the winter. Winnie the Pooh doesn't wear gloves. He prefers to use his bare hands. On return from a business trip, my son excitedly asked, did you get to ride on an airplane? Daddy? I'm like, no, kiddo, they made me ride in it this time.

What did one nuts say as it was chasing the other? I'm gonna cash you, even in the winter. Winnie the Pooh doesn't wear gloves. He prefers to use his bare hands. On return from a business trip, my son excitedly asked, did you get to ride on an airplane? Daddy? I'm like, no, kiddo, they made me ride in it this time.

What do you call locian for a pig appointment?

What do you call locian for a pig appointment?

What does an astronaut do between breakfast and dinner? They have launch? Just a moment away for more dad jokes. Right after this brief pause.

What does an astronaut do between breakfast and dinner? They have launch? Just a moment away for more dad jokes. Right after this brief pause.

Went to a busy pub dressed as a tennis ball I got served straight away.

Went to a busy pub dressed as a tennis ball I got served straight away.

Girl I met online said she weighed one hundred and thirty. Turns out she was two hundred and sixty. But on the bright side, I got more than I asked for.

Girl I met online said she weighed one hundred and thirty. Turns out she was two hundred and sixty. But on the bright side, I got more than I asked for.

What is every politician's favorite animal, the giant pander?

What is every politician's favorite animal, the giant pander?

What do bees do when their friends move into a new hive, they have a house swarming party.

What do bees do when their friends move into a new hive, they have a house swarming party.

What did the robots say in akea Autobots Assemble?

What did the robots say in akea Autobots Assemble?

My mountain friend was talking about his relationship with his girlfriend. I gotta say it sounds really rocky.

My mountain friend was talking about his relationship with his girlfriend. I gotta say it sounds really rocky.

Sorry to brag, but my wife is a real saint. She was canonized by the Catholic Church shortly after her death years ago.

Sorry to brag, but my wife is a real saint. She was canonized by the Catholic Church shortly after her death years ago.

Why did Donald Trump bring a ruler to the debate to measure up the fake news and his poll numbers?

Why did Donald Trump bring a ruler to the debate to measure up the fake news and his poll numbers?

Of course, did you know that Bruce Lee had a very stern brother.

Of course, did you know that Bruce Lee had a very stern brother.

Seriously, where does the grumpy Baker practice of martial arts at the Sour Dojo?

Seriously, where does the grumpy Baker practice of martial arts at the Sour Dojo?

Why did Tony the Tiger murder snap, crackle and pop because he's a serial killer?

Why did Tony the Tiger murder snap, crackle and pop because he's a serial killer?

I hear there's a social media site for old ladies who have never married to share pictures of their cats.

I hear there's a social media site for old ladies who have never married to share pictures of their cats.

Spinster Graham, what's the world's fanciest legging sheep peas?

Spinster Graham, what's the world's fanciest legging sheep peas?

Which bunny is a comedian? Bob Hop.

Which bunny is a comedian? Bob Hop.

It's wrong to judge anyone based on the color of their skin unless it's yellow, because that's jaundice and you need to get them to a hospital immediately.

It's wrong to judge anyone based on the color of their skin unless it's yellow, because that's jaundice and you need to get them to a hospital immediately.

My teacher told me that there are more than seventy thousand reservoirs in Australia. I later discovered it was damn Lai.

My teacher told me that there are more than seventy thousand reservoirs in Australia. I later discovered it was damn Lai.

Sweden and Denmark hold the record for most wars fought between two countries. However, none have happened since Denmark got Lego and Sweden got Ikea. These days it just takes them forever to assemble the army.

Sweden and Denmark hold the record for most wars fought between two countries. However, none have happened since Denmark got Lego and Sweden got Ikea. These days it just takes them forever to assemble the army.

What's the difference between martial and marital laws? The amount of house you keep.

What's the difference between martial and marital laws? The amount of house you keep.

I saw a man who made his toes incredibly large. It was an impressive feat.

I saw a man who made his toes incredibly large. It was an impressive feat.

Why did the owl quit school? He wanted time to figure out who he was.

Why did the owl quit school? He wanted time to figure out who he was.

He couldn't get the hang of it. My friend worked as a trapeze artist until he was let go.

He couldn't get the hang of it. My friend worked as a trapeze artist until he was let go.

My son turns two years old tomorrow, but because money is tight, we're just not going to tell him.

My son turns two years old tomorrow, but because money is tight, we're just not going to tell him.

My wife refuses to speak to me right before she leaves the house. If I'm being honest, it hurts a little. I'm really struggling to get by.

My wife refuses to speak to me right before she leaves the house. If I'm being honest, it hurts a little. I'm really struggling to get by.

What do you call a blunt rotation? At a funeral? Awakened bake?

What do you call a blunt rotation? At a funeral? Awakened bake?

I call my horse Mayo, and sometimes Mayo NAIs.

I call my horse Mayo, and sometimes Mayo NAIs.

I was so excited when I seen snow for the first time. It gave me chills.

I was so excited when I seen snow for the first time. It gave me chills.

What item of FURNI does every vegan household have a vegetable?

What item of FURNI does every vegan household have a vegetable?

What did the cannibal get when he arrived late to the party? The cold shoulder?

What did the cannibal get when he arrived late to the party? The cold shoulder?

The skeleton couldn't help being afraid of the storm. He just didn't have any guts.

The skeleton couldn't help being afraid of the storm. He just didn't have any guts.

Don't throw false teeth at your vehicle, you might dent your car. How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut. I got caught shoplifting a new twenty twenty five calendar. I got twelve months.

Don't throw false teeth at your vehicle, you might dent your car. How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut. I got caught shoplifting a new twenty twenty five calendar. I got twelve months.

Hey, what do farmers do with cal like haystacks? They use them to make Christian bales.

Hey, what do farmers do with cal like haystacks? They use them to make Christian bales.

Turns out squirting kitchen, in my eyes, was a bad idea. Of course, I say that with the benefit of hindsight.

Turns out squirting kitchen, in my eyes, was a bad idea. Of course, I say that with the benefit of hindsight.

Why don't you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs?

Why don't you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs?

I would type of Joe below, but I'm have to type something important, something important.

I would type of Joe below, but I'm have to type something important, something important.

John mccafee, the inventor of McAfee antivirus, is not dead. He's just running in the background.

John mccafee, the inventor of McAfee antivirus, is not dead. He's just running in the background.

How do you get down from an elephant? You don't down comes from ducks and geese.

How do you get down from an elephant? You don't down comes from ducks and geese.

What did the ranch say after the catchup caught her naked in the bedroom. I'm dressing.

What did the ranch say after the catchup caught her naked in the bedroom. I'm dressing.

What's a cat's favorite kitchen utensil? A whisker?

What's a cat's favorite kitchen utensil? A whisker?

How do you stop your toilet from running? Petition to have its name removed from the ballot?

How do you stop your toilet from running? Petition to have its name removed from the ballot?

What do you call a superb gorilla? A prime ep?

What do you call a superb gorilla? A prime ep?

A man is on a date in a restaurant. He wants to impress his dates, so he orders in French. His date is impressed, and the waiter is also impressed, but is also confused as this is an Italian restaurant.

A man is on a date in a restaurant. He wants to impress his dates, so he orders in French. His date is impressed, and the waiter is also impressed, but is also confused as this is an Italian restaurant.

I was once I'm so nervous for a test, I swallowed several small rainbow tinted helium balloons. Later that day, I passed with flying colors.

I was once I'm so nervous for a test, I swallowed several small rainbow tinted helium balloons. Later that day, I passed with flying colors.

I hate splinters so much, they really get under my skin.

I hate splinters so much, they really get under my skin.

A man was arrested for jumping into a pool beneath a YouTuber. He ws charged with diving under the influencer.

A man was arrested for jumping into a pool beneath a YouTuber. He ws charged with diving under the influencer.

I got carted at the liquor store. My Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, never mind.

I got carted at the liquor store. My Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, never mind.

People tell me that my jokes make no sense and that I never finished my punchlines.

People tell me that my jokes make no sense and that I never finished my punchlines.

What's the difference between toilet paper and curtains? So it was you.

What's the difference between toilet paper and curtains? So it was you.

What do non Americans see when they have foot pain? My thirty point four to eight centimeters hurts?

What do non Americans see when they have foot pain? My thirty point four to eight centimeters hurts?

How far did pirates sail in their lifetimes? As far as the eye can see?

How far did pirates sail in their lifetimes? As far as the eye can see?

Who is the most affordable doctor in the US?

Who is the most affordable doctor in the US?

Dr? Pepper? People think Diddy was bad for underage activities. Have you ever watched the hockey game? They pick miners up every game right there in the open.

Dr? Pepper? People think Diddy was bad for underage activities. Have you ever watched the hockey game? They pick miners up every game right there in the open.

Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines all over the world.

Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines all over the world.

Do you know why the banana got arrested? I'd either, but I'm sure he will get out on appeal.

Do you know why the banana got arrested? I'd either, but I'm sure he will get out on appeal.

What's the one good thing about your parachute feeling to open when you're skydiving? You'll have the rest of your life to fix it.

What's the one good thing about your parachute feeling to open when you're skydiving? You'll have the rest of your life to fix it.

Broke my belt buckle today. Had to stop it from going to waste.

Broke my belt buckle today. Had to stop it from going to waste.

What happens if you eat lots of tinsil you get tenseul litis.

What happens if you eat lots of tinsil you get tenseul litis.

A bike in town keeps running me over. It's a vicious cycle.

A bike in town keeps running me over. It's a vicious cycle.

I did the vacuuming this morning. It sucked.

I did the vacuuming this morning. It sucked.

Dad. Can you explain to me what a soul or eclipse is? No sign?

Dad. Can you explain to me what a soul or eclipse is? No sign?

I need some advice on training for that track and field competition. Is anyone willing to discuss it?

I need some advice on training for that track and field competition. Is anyone willing to discuss it?

One snowman says to the other, does it smell like carrots? And here.

One snowman says to the other, does it smell like carrots? And here.

Corn industry? So I imagine that a person working in the corn industry checks for money and is probably corny all the time, truly amizing.

Corn industry? So I imagine that a person working in the corn industry checks for money and is probably corny all the time, truly amizing.

What do you call a dead Chinese liar who nobody liked? Unbelievable? How do you destroy a balloone factory? You blow it up? After a falling out with Marty McFly, who did Doc Brown contact as a substitute dingduring Doc wanted someone to mandalorian.

What do you call a dead Chinese liar who nobody liked? Unbelievable? How do you destroy a balloone factory? You blow it up? After a falling out with Marty McFly, who did Doc Brown contact as a substitute dingduring Doc wanted someone to mandalorian.

A friend said, I admire your guts, I said, why are they.

A friend said, I admire your guts, I said, why are they.

Showing which soccer team is the most masculine? Man chest hair United?

Showing which soccer team is the most masculine? Man chest hair United?

What does the vacuum cleaner say to its kid while killing him? Die and Die?

What does the vacuum cleaner say to its kid while killing him? Die and Die?

I tried to explain the history of feudal Japan and as few paragraphs as possible, but I couldn't sammarize it.

I tried to explain the history of feudal Japan and as few paragraphs as possible, but I couldn't sammarize it.

My doctor says, I need to cut back on sodium. I'm super salty right now.

My doctor says, I need to cut back on sodium. I'm super salty right now.

My father, the pilot is unable to hit ground balls because it seems pop flies.

My father, the pilot is unable to hit ground balls because it seems pop flies.

Did you hear the rumor about butter well? I'm not going to go sprinting it.

Did you hear the rumor about butter well? I'm not going to go sprinting it.

Did you all hear about the guy that died in a coffee factory? He fell into a vat of hot coffee. He didn't suffer though it was instant.

Did you all hear about the guy that died in a coffee factory? He fell into a vat of hot coffee. He didn't suffer though it was instant.

What did the epidemiologist name her twins? Sam and Illa?

What did the epidemiologist name her twins? Sam and Illa?

The mayor of Paris swam in the lake to prove it was safe for the Olympics despite high E Coli levels. That's insane.

The mayor of Paris swam in the lake to prove it was safe for the Olympics despite high E Coli levels. That's insane.

My dad's answer to everything is alcohol. Doesn't drink. He's just really bad at puzzles.

My dad's answer to everything is alcohol. Doesn't drink. He's just really bad at puzzles.

If there was ever a society that worshiped tomatoes, that could print on their currency and tomatoes we trust.

If there was ever a society that worshiped tomatoes, that could print on their currency and tomatoes we trust.

What's the difference between a photon torpedo and a proton torpedo?

What's the difference between a photon torpedo and a proton torpedo?

Mess? Why do teenage girls go to the bathroom in odd numbers? It's because they literally can't even.

Mess? Why do teenage girls go to the bathroom in odd numbers? It's because they literally can't even.

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants in case he got a hole in one?

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants in case he got a hole in one?

What do you call a woman with no arms or legs crossing a river?

What do you call a woman with no arms or legs crossing a river?

Bridget I like to joke around with my buddy, the East salesman. I can always get a little rise out of him.

Bridget I like to joke around with my buddy, the East salesman. I can always get a little rise out of him.

Who's that complaining about the Simpsons again? Matt? Matt groening.

Who's that complaining about the Simpsons again? Matt? Matt groening.

A tableau of the Birth of Jesus, but with horses is my Nativity scene?

A tableau of the Birth of Jesus, but with horses is my Nativity scene?

What is Bruce Lee's favorite car? If he was very flexible? Bet Lee?

What is Bruce Lee's favorite car? If he was very flexible? Bet Lee?

In twenty twenty six, Women's Professional Baseball League will debut. It seems they will finally get a league of their own.

In twenty twenty six, Women's Professional Baseball League will debut. It seems they will finally get a league of their own.

What do you call an Italian guy that makes ceramics a Harry Potter?

What do you call an Italian guy that makes ceramics a Harry Potter?

Why was Luke Skywalker said when he went to the bakery there was only one canol?

Why was Luke Skywalker said when he went to the bakery there was only one canol?

What's every chef's favorite emo song? Knives and pens.