If Taylor Swift fans are called swifties, what do we call Carrie Underwood's fans undies? Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my wife has been so rude to me. She's been pushing me around and talking behind my back. Our electricity company has just disconnected us. Now we are powerless to do anything about it. Anybody who wears eyeglasses is worthy of respect because they paid to see you. I smoke king sized cigarettes and sleep standing up. I like big butts and I cannot lie. I ran into a lamp post yesterday. Luckily I only sustained light injuries. A stormtrooper hit on my girlfriend the other day. He shot his shot, but he missed. My wife has been on eBay all day today. If she's still there tomorrow, I'll have to drop the price. What do you call the fear of getting stuck in a chimney Santa claustrophobia? Trees are happy when spring is coming. You could say they're relieved. Never trust a doorknob, they'll turn on you. Why are the Germans seen as an industrious powerhouse for electricity because many hans make light. My son is amazing. He can write underwater. He can write other words too. I'm a fantastic plumber, and people often expect me to be good at other handyman tasks. People are shocked when they find out I'm a terrible electrician. What happens when you kick a volcano? You krakatoa? Why do cops give speeding tickets in South America? Because everyone goes like a Brazilian miles an hour. My granddad was driving cross country to visit me in the Windy City, but halfway through Indiana, he saw a sign that's said Chicago left, so he turned around and went back. How does an ocean disappear? It just ceased to exist. What do you call a bunny in a kilt a hopscotch? What do you call a white mule a honky donkey? What do you call a one hundred year old Italian man who enjoys hiking a Roman centurion. I had to hire an electrician, a plumber, a roofer, and an engineer to change a light bulb. I hired Chuck Norris last time. How much radiation is too much radiation? It's a gray area. I told my wife to stop expecting me to be more like my cousins. We're relatives. What is a whale Zombie's favorite branch of the military, the Marine Corps. I'm Bob, Jeffy, don't go anywhere. We have a bonus dad joke for you at the end of the episode. Our mission is to make the world a happier place, one joke at a time. Let's spread the joy or pain together. Buy for now and I'll catch you tomorrow. Thank you for your loyalty. Hey, listeners, want to get practical tips to help you in your everyday life, then listen to the Daily Life Pro Tips podcast improve your life in less than ten minutes every day. Search for Daily Life Pro Tips in your podcast app and give it a lit. Do you have your own dad joke you want to share Join the hundreds of listeners who have submitted their own dad jokes through my voicemail. Please spread the laughs and groans and submit your own dad joke to our voicemail with the best ones to be included in special fan episodes. Just leave your name, the city and state you live in, and your best dad joke. Call nine seven eight three nine three one zero seven six. I'll repeat that number. It's nine seven eight three nine three one zero seven six. Or check the show notes page for the number I'll look forward to hearing from you. The Daily Dad Jokes podcast is produced by Classic Studios. See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits. How do you call a hydrant without water dehydrant

If Taylor Swift fans are called swifties, what do we call Carrie Underwood's fans undies? Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my wife has been so rude to me. She's been pushing me around and talking behind my back. Our electricity company has just disconnected us. Now we are powerless to do anything about it. Anybody who wears eyeglasses is worthy of respect because they paid to see you. I smoke king sized cigarettes and sleep standing up. I like big butts and I cannot lie. I ran into a lamp post yesterday. Luckily I only sustained light injuries. A stormtrooper hit on my girlfriend the other day. He shot his shot, but he missed. My wife has been on eBay all day today. If she's still there tomorrow, I'll have to drop the price. What do you call the fear of getting stuck in a chimney Santa claustrophobia? Trees are happy when spring is coming. You could say they're relieved. Never trust a doorknob, they'll turn on you. Why are the Germans seen as an industrious powerhouse for electricity because many hans make light. My son is amazing. He can write underwater. He can write other words too. I'm a fantastic plumber, and people often expect me to be good at other handyman tasks. People are shocked when they find out I'm a terrible electrician. What happens when you kick a volcano? You krakatoa? Why do cops give speeding tickets in South America? Because everyone goes like a Brazilian miles an hour. My granddad was driving cross country to visit me in the Windy City, but halfway through Indiana, he saw a sign that's said Chicago left, so he turned around and went back. How does an ocean disappear? It just ceased to exist. What do you call a bunny in a kilt a hopscotch? What do you call a white mule a honky donkey? What do you call a one hundred year old Italian man who enjoys hiking a Roman centurion. I had to hire an electrician, a plumber, a roofer, and an engineer to change a light bulb. I hired Chuck Norris last time. How much radiation is too much radiation? It's a gray area. I told my wife to stop expecting me to be more like my cousins. We're relatives. What is a whale Zombie's favorite branch of the military, the Marine Corps. I'm Bob, Jeffy, don't go anywhere. We have a bonus dad joke for you at the end of the episode. Our mission is to make the world a happier place, one joke at a time. Let's spread the joy or pain together. Buy for now and I'll catch you tomorrow. Thank you for your loyalty. Hey, listeners, want to get practical tips to help you in your everyday life, then listen to the Daily Life Pro Tips podcast improve your life in less than ten minutes every day. Search for Daily Life Pro Tips in your podcast app and give it a lit. Do you have your own dad joke you want to share Join the hundreds of listeners who have submitted their own dad jokes through my voicemail. Please spread the laughs and groans and submit your own dad joke to our voicemail with the best ones to be included in special fan episodes. Just leave your name, the city and state you live in, and your best dad joke. Call nine seven eight three nine three one zero seven six. I'll repeat that number. It's nine seven eight three nine three one zero seven six. Or check the show notes page for the number I'll look forward to hearing from you. The Daily Dad Jokes podcast is produced by Classic Studios. See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits. How do you call a hydrant without water dehydrant