I haven't slept for three days. That would be too long.

I haven't slept for three days. That would be too long.

I quit my job at the Parsley Farm. They were constantly attempting to garnish my wages.

I quit my job at the Parsley Farm. They were constantly attempting to garnish my wages.

I can tell you with one hundred percent certentity that my phone is not a car. It says it's Nokia.

I can tell you with one hundred percent certentity that my phone is not a car. It says it's Nokia.

Why wasn't the depressed man allowed in the airplane because he carried too much emotional baggage?

Why wasn't the depressed man allowed in the airplane because he carried too much emotional baggage?

How do you know when your tailor gets too hot he pants?

How do you know when your tailor gets too hot he pants?

What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce? Chicken sees a salad.

What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce? Chicken sees a salad.

Ants never get sick because they have little antibodies.

Ants never get sick because they have little antibodies.

I used to have an addiction to soap, but I'm clean now.

I used to have an addiction to soap, but I'm clean now.

What is the primary symptom of diarrhea of the mouth? Uncontrollable vowel movements.

What is the primary symptom of diarrhea of the mouth? Uncontrollable vowel movements.

What do you call a bear that loves rain? Drizzly bear?

What do you call a bear that loves rain? Drizzly bear?

My wife was chirping at me for seventeen hours yesterday. I blame it on her circadian rhythm. Just a moment away from more dad jokes. Right after this brief pause.

My wife was chirping at me for seventeen hours yesterday. I blame it on her circadian rhythm. Just a moment away from more dad jokes. Right after this brief pause.

My doctor told me to run five miles a day. After two weeks, he called to inquire as to how my new exercise routine was going I replied, I'm getting into better shape, but now I'm seventy miles from home.

My doctor told me to run five miles a day. After two weeks, he called to inquire as to how my new exercise routine was going I replied, I'm getting into better shape, but now I'm seventy miles from home.

I farted in an elevator. It was wrong on so many levels.

I farted in an elevator. It was wrong on so many levels.

When I finished work, I send my partner a bread emoji to tell her I'm eleven.

When I finished work, I send my partner a bread emoji to tell her I'm eleven.

Our Christmas tree fought in two World Wars. It was highly decorated.

Our Christmas tree fought in two World Wars. It was highly decorated.

Did you hear about the devil who got scammed buying a wig? There's going to be hell to pay.

Did you hear about the devil who got scammed buying a wig? There's going to be hell to pay.

My doctor said that for my newly diagnosed condition, he is putting me on this new medication that requires taking two of these huge, uncoded capsules three times a day for the rest of my life. It's a hard pill to swallow.

My doctor said that for my newly diagnosed condition, he is putting me on this new medication that requires taking two of these huge, uncoded capsules three times a day for the rest of my life. It's a hard pill to swallow.

I'm Bob Jeffy and I'm Montgomery Jones. Stay tuned until the end of the episode for a bonus dad joke. Our goal is to spread laughter and maybe a few groans, so make sure to share these jokes with your family and friends. Have a great night, and I'll be back tomorrow. Thank you. Looking for the perfect Father's Day gift, we have the official Daily Dad Jokes podcast Electronic Joke Button, now available on Amazon. A massive five hundred preloaded dad jokes guaranteed to make you laugh and groan. Check the show notes page for the link. The Daily Dad Jokes podcast is produced by Classic Studios. See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits. This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I'm Bob Jeffy and I'm Montgomery Jones. Stay tuned until the end of the episode for a bonus dad joke. Our goal is to spread laughter and maybe a few groans, so make sure to share these jokes with your family and friends. Have a great night, and I'll be back tomorrow. Thank you. Looking for the perfect Father's Day gift, we have the official Daily Dad Jokes podcast Electronic Joke Button, now available on Amazon. A massive five hundred preloaded dad jokes guaranteed to make you laugh and groan. Check the show notes page for the link. The Daily Dad Jokes podcast is produced by Classic Studios. See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits. This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.