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Forrest Gump walks into a bar and can't decide what to drink. . (+ 18 more dad jokes!)

Published Aug 20, 2024, 1:13 AM

Daily Dad Jokes (20 Aug 2024)

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Jokes sourced and curated from reddit.com/r/dadjokes.

Joke credits: berkleysquare, ilikesidehugs, MurseMan1964, BrutalLasagna, OneQuadrillionOwls, houndoom92, jane66x, dadjokeschannel, iShitSkittles, fordfan96, Hwaaat, Heroic-Forger, , FFprism, Boba_tea_thx, Defiant_Crab, ftpmango, Left-Distribution-13, Joesdad65, Spicy6Chord

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I've just deleted all the German names from my cell phone. It's now haunts free.

My kid was misbehaving all morning, so I told him to go get a switch so I can teach him a lesson. I then proceeded to kick his ass repeatedly and Mario Kart.

Growing up, my dad always said gallons, quarts, pints and cups. It just spoke volumes to me.

What do you call a country singer with ibs? Dolly fardon?

What did the coffee tables say to the dining table? Drinks are on me tonight?

My therapist just diagnosed me with a severe lack of awareness that came out of nowhere.

Why the math book looks sad because it has too many problems.

Forrest Gump walks into a bar and can't decide what to drink. He asks the bartender what's in a rum and coke? The bartender replies, rung forrest rum.

What do you give a dog with a fever mustard? It's the best thing for a hot dog.

What do you call a twitching cow beef jerky?

Did you hear about the truly exceptional Mexican man? People say he's won in a million?

The sign said beware of giant birds. But I was too distracted sightseeing. I guess I got carried away.

The laughter isn't over. We'll be back after this brief break. Somebody really did a number in the office bathroom. I got upset until I remembered that I worked from home and I'm the only one here.

What happens if you cook your funny bone? It becomes a laughingstock. How do you make an egg roll by pushing it? A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun. He points it at the teller and screams, give me all your money or your geography. Puzzled, the teller asks, don't you mean history? The robber yells, don't change the subject.

What is Stradinger's cat's favorite band? Did or alive?

Why did the sun decide not to go to medical school because it already has about a million degrees?

I'm Bob Jeffy and I'm Montgomery Jones. Stay with us until the end of the episode for a bonus joke. We're on a mission to spread the laughs and groans far and wide. Help us out by sharing these jokes with your family and friends today. Looking for more dad joke? Humor to share. Then subscribe to our new weekly email newsletter. It's our weekly roundup of the best dad jokes, memes and humor for you to enjoy. Spread the laughs and groans and sign up today. Check the sign up link in the show notes page or visit dailydadjokespodcast dot com. The Daily Dad Jokes Podcast is produced by Classic Studios. See the show notes page for social media links and Joe credits. This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience. I accidentally left my wallet in my pants and put it in the washing machine. I hope I don't get arrested for money laundering.