Rob and Marcus have worked together for years and had never really told each other how they became dads. This is the episode where they do.

Rob Stott is raising a daughter, Billie, with his husband. She was born via surrogacy in Canada during COVID, which meant the first time they met their surrogate in person was when they flew over for the birth. He explains why Australian law pushed them overseas, why it is the surrogate who chooses the parents rather than the other way round, what altruistic surrogacy actually means, and why Billie now has half siblings around the world and a girl in Melbourne born from the same womb.

Marcus Hurley was married for five years, has a daughter he calls Beano, and instigated the separation. He describes how long it took before he could say the words "single dad", the fifty-fifty week he calls his bipolar life, the guilt that arrives folded into the relief of a night off, and the moment his daughter drew the family and wrote "daddy" twice.

Between them they land on the thing nobody says out loud. Nearly one in three Australian children are not growing up in a conventional family household, and both these men did.

Then the community questions, which are as blunt as you would expect. Did the two of you just do your business in a cup? What if the surrogate wants to keep the baby? And what happens to dating when you are only free every second week.

Chapters
00:00 Cold open: the turkey baster question
00:08 Meet Rob and Marcus
01:04 Rob's story: two dads, one daughter, Canada
02:38 Meeting your surrogate for the first time
04:06 "She chose us": how the matching works
04:48 The woman who carried Billie
05:55 Half siblings, and the girl from the same womb
07:14 What altruistic surrogacy actually means
08:10 Marcus's story: five years, then divorce
09:14 How long it takes to say "single dad"
10:49 The bipolar week, and guilt inside relief
14:06 Nearly 1 in 3 kids are not "traditional"
16:30 Two dads, no gender roles, splitting nights
17:47 Dad, Pop, Papa and Bop
19:07 The stepdad, and the drawing with two daddies
21:30 Community questions: the cup, the paternity test
26:27 Dating, and being "custody aligned"
32:33 Your ex is engaged, and you find out on FaceTime

References
Nearly one in three children growing up in non-conventional family households, UNSW Sydney, 20 August 2024, reporting the Uniting Families Report from UNSW's Social Policy Research Centre and Uniting NSW.ACT

What to listen to next
How Your Brain Changes When You Become A Dad

Support: If anything in this episode brought something up for you, help is available. Lifeline 13 11 14. Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636. MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78. PANDA, for expecting and new parents, 1300 726 306. In an emergency call 000.

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Credits
Hosts: Rob Stott and Marcus Hurley
Producer: Amelia Navascues
Videographer: Jordan Yankov
A Man of Many production. New episodes every Thursday.