Lionel Messi is 38, still unstoppable, and just broke the all-time World Cup scoring record. So why can't America fall for soccer the way the rest of the planet has? Covino and Rich dig into the real reasons: attention spans, a sports calendar that's already oversaturated, our obsession with scoring, and the fact that we just don't love things we're not the best at. Along the way they lay out the grandma rule for who you're allowed to root for, the ranch dressing theory of American culture, and whether our elite athletes would actually dominate soccer if they ever picked it up. Will America ever truly love the beautiful game, or are we just good hosts?