Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio to repeat myself because I'm right. File motions to impeach Trump today, Move to impeach Trump today, and keep moving to impeach Trump every day through next year's midterms. Impeachment is undefeated. It is undefeated in American history. House Democrats, he handed you twelve, maybe fifteen new impeachment counts on Friday Night alone, blatantly brazenly illegal dismissals of departmental inspector general, just as Project twenty twenty five promised, and eliminating the school's safety board, elimination of oversight, elimination of legal protections against the mass murder of children in school. In the old days, you might have responded to this by having Trump arrested. Now you are limited by the Supreme Court to impeachment bills that will all fail, except they will ultimately succeed because impeachment is undefeated. Impeach him for the Friday Night massacre. Impeach him for circumventing the fourteenth Amendment. He just ramped up the migrant arrest quote at a fifteen hundred a day and started raids in Chicago yesterday Impeach him for violating the Fourth Amendment. Impeach him for seizing Native Americans. Impeach him for seizing an army veteran and for his gestapo then questioning that veteran service. Impeach him for releasing sixteen hundred thugs and criminals, and for violate his oath to defend the country. Impeach him for illegally dismissing the anti mass shooting school safety Board. Impeach him now, impeach him later, then impeach him a couple of more times, and give him an extra slice of impeachment to carry him through the weekend. And if I hear one more blowback to my previous call to impeach him, no matter the outcome, one more headshake from a cowardly Democrat, and especially one more factually inaccurate claim that impeachment doesn't work because it's never removed a president, one more self absorbed loser saying impeach Yeah, sounds good. How did it work out for us last time? Pretty effing well. Actually, the mere talk of impeaching Trump helped the Democrats win the House in twenty eighteen and break trump tripartheid control of government. The first actual impeachment was followed by keeping the House in twenty twenty, and after the Georgia election, taking the Senate in twenty twenty, and oh, by the way, taking the White House in twenty twenty. The second impeachment crushed any lingering attempt by Trump to overthrow the Biden government in waiting in twenty twenty one, and it provided the impetus for the January sixth prosecutions and the prosecution of Trump, which Merrick Garland so thoroughly sabotaged. Impeachment works. Merrick Garland is the thing that failed. Bottom line, impeach him again. It is one of our darkest secrets as a nation, something we have lied to ourselves about. But impeachment works. The Democrats voted on articles of impeachment against Nixon in nineteen seventy four. Before they were finished, he resigned. They kept the House and the Senate in the mid terms three months later, and they won the White House two years later, And they kept the House two years later, and they kept the Senate two years later. The Republicans launched the official Clinton impeachment inquiry in October nineteen ninety eight, after months of having the media softened the nation up. First official Clinton impeachment inquiry begins October nineteen ninety eight. November nineteen ninety eight. They kept the Senate, they kept the House. They impeached him, They kept the Senate. In the House in two thousand and they took the White House first Trump impeachment. Democrats then kept the House, took the Senate, took the presidency. Number of presidents removed from office none of three. Number of times the parties that did the impeachment won the next election thirteen out of thirteen. Thirteen out of thirteen House, Senate, White House, US. I think we should write a letter instead, a really mean letter. I mean, in fact, never mind thirteen of thirteen. You can argue it's really fourteen out of fourteen because the Republican that Republicans impeached in eighteen sixty eight, President Andrew Johnson, was actually a Democrat, and the goal was to hamstring him from implementing his pro Confederacy agenda and especially to keep him running as an incumbent. And it worked. It just doesn't get understood. In the one second most elected Democrats will give to analyze it. Either way, impeachment is undefeated. Start now, You'll love it. It is a long term strategy, and it is half neuwt Gingrich, half Muhammad Ali. No, you are not going to knock out your opponent with one and no, you are not going to avoid getting bruised in the process. But each time you hit back, they get bruised too. And if you are in this fight and you are not convinced that you will ultimately prevail and that you are tougher than they are, get out of the fight. We'll do it without you, because I'm tougher than Trump is, and you are tougher than Trump is, and so even is Hakeem Jeffries. But if Akeem Jeffries and other prominent Democrats think the strategy is to issue a press release after every time Trump does to this country exactly what Putin would have done to this country, or what ben Laden would have done to this country, they have to go. This is Trump in the middle of his war against the United States of America. We have been attacked again by Trump. And the answer is not press releases. It's impeachment bills and walkouts and protests and calling them a traitor and threatening a tax strike in the Blue States and making the next two years as infuriating for him and infuriating for every whore who supports him. You are not going to defeat him until next year at the earliest, but you can make his life and their worthless lives almost as miserable as they intend to make ours. Let's get busy. Hit back. And if you're not ready to hit back, Leader Jeffries, resign, turn it over to AOC. She is clearly ready to metaphorically knee them all in the groin. She is the wartime conciliari. And guess what, kids, this is wartime? Or if AOC has too many rough edges for you, or not enough experience, if you want nice, put Bishop Marianne Edgar Buddy in charge of the Democratic Party. I'm goddamned serious. Forgive me, bishop, because this is where we are ethically right now in this country. Lindsey Graham says the dismissals of the Inspectors General are illegal, but so what quote. I'm not losing a lot of sleep. So if you're looking for some kind of regret and atonement from the fascists, forget it. Trump has also escalated his version of the Onschluss again over the weekend. I think the people of Greenland want to be with US. I really don't know what claim Denmark has to Greenland, but it would be a very unfriendly act if they didn't allow unquote Trump to seize Greenland. He has moved towards seizing other countries, or buying other countries, or crushing other countries economically because Trump Land, Trump Land uber Alles, and nobody is saying anything about it. It is, after all, the Hitler playbook, like the one he kept on his bedstand. First you sublimate your own nation, and then you start thrilling them by sublimating other nations. And there doesn't have to be a through line. There has to be no consistency to this. It's just rage, it's just bloodlust. While Marco Rubio, the new Secretary of comovers is talking about the Taliban holding more American hostages than we knew, so implying we may have to re invade Afghanistan, Trump just abandoned forty thousand Afghans who had worked for US in Afghanistan and had already been approved to move here from Afghanistan and escape the Taliban, and which Republican noted the utter militaristic, fascist, immoral hypocrisy of all that correct answer is none of the above. Trump now also wants everybody moved out of Gaza. Thanks for those of you who voted against Harris as a protest, and you know why he wants to move them out of Gaza because he thinks he can get Gaza and build golf courses and resorts there. Anybody talk about that, they may have to do more bad afghand of than Marco Rubio said, well, checking his hair in the mirror. After Trump demanded an apology from Bishop Buddy, his really weird Vice President of the United States, JV himself has taken us into an entirely new domestic area too. JV Vans has threatened the Catholic Church. Now'll just repeat that JV. Vance has threatened the Catholic Church because it's Bishop of Washington had the nerve to talk about Trump's evil to his face. The US Conference of Catholic Bishops, Vance said, needs to actually look in the mirror a little bit and recognize that when they receive more than one hundred million to resettle illegal immigrants, are they worried about humanitarian concerns or are they actually worried about their bottom line. Any Republican Catholics recognize this little sequence of plays here, any of them say anything personally, I don't care very much about the Catholic Church per se or any other church. But have you have you ever heard of the kirchen Kompf when Hitler went out to take over the Catholic Church in Germany and use its power as part of his bureaucracy of dictatorship. This is what that is. This is what it is, baby, the opening shot of the fundamentalist attempt to take over the government and at least to neuture and control the other brands and flavors of religion. And if you think, well, I mean it is the Catholic Church, it can defend itself pretty well. This is just another sign of what's to come. Whoever and whatever you are, to whichever group you belong, you're next. And all the Republicans are silent because power and money are their only gods and their only codes. And Lindsey Graham said he's not losing any sleep over it. And the Democrats, oh, well, they know what to do per CBS. The Democrats are introducing a resolution in the Senate today but it's not just a resolution, it's a gotcha resolution. It will ask for unanimous consent that quote resolved that the Senate disapproves any pardons for individuals who were found guilty of assaulting Capitol police officers. Oh hallelujah. That'll do it. Ah Yo, You'll get Senate Republicans on the record now supporting the assault on Capitol police officers, which they're voters will applaud. That'll show those damn Republicans for pardoning people their voters think were the victims. Can't get nothing past Chuck Schumer. Okay, actually there is some hope here. I actually like Jerry Connolly's response Trump's Friday night coup. The Congressman said, to overthrow legally protected independent inspectors General is an attack on transparency and accountability. You had me at coup, Congressman. Replacing inspectors general with political hacks will harm every American. Goddamn right now, Jerry introduce a bill to impeach him for doing this. Every Democratic representative should introduce at least one impeachment measure in the next two years. Flood Congress with them, turn it into nothing else, disrupt all House business sabotage the cameras. If you have to throw things, agitate, agitate, agitate, Except for one thing, one stealth move you can do in between the hourly impeachment bill. Reach out to Mike Johnson, get him away from his porn reporting app for a moment and ask him about instead his self prostitution for Trump about a new January sixth committee and wants a show trial with not very much to it. Think of that running embarrassment James Comer was about the Biden family. From their perspective, that was not an embarrassment. That just generated headlines. That was all it was supposed to do, and it worked. That's what Johnson wants. Don't give it to him. You should go bipartisan with him on this. Democrats support a new January sixth committee. Why, I don't know. Put some teeth into this thing. Johnson and Trump want to relitigate January sixth. Think about that for a second. They want to go through everything in January sixth again. God damn it. Hakeem Jeffrey should volunteer to carry Mike Johnson into the House on his own shoulders if he's willing to reltigate January sixth, he should volunteer to co chair the thing with Mike Johnson. Let's go through this again. Let's swear in Liz Cheney and Adam kinsing are his expert witnesses, and go through all the evidence again. Put Trump's coup on trial one more time, and sure, let Cash Patel come in with whatever he fabricates in his FBI and cut him to effing pieces on national TV. You want to relitigate January sixth, just after Trump succeeded in gaslighting enough of this country about what actually happened. You want to have an actual House committee devote itself to the people Trump stochastically pushed into that insurrection and then pardoned. You want that every day for weeks in the news. Trump, you want that. You got it, buddy. You want to be shown to be a trader all over again. And then the man who freed the other traders. Let's go. Oh, and Speaker Johnson, don't forget. We are going to call Cassidy Hutchinson again and she's going to read those sexual based text threats you, Mike Johnson said your members sent her during her testimony last time. And oh, by the way, Speaker Johnson, do you have any idea that that means you're admitting you covered those texts up? Speaker Johnson, will you raise your right hand and swear in here as a witness to the new January sixth Committee. It's a reboot, It's a Hollywood reboot. Or Democrats don't support the new January sixth Committee and then subvert and co opt it and blow it up in Trump's swollen face. Let's instead do that bipartisan thing that the canimate from the twilight zone, the to serve man guy what's his name, Senator Fetterman, the thing he wants, because offering the Republicans bipartisanship always works. Wait, it doesn't. Mark Kelly, who I think still means well and does not need to be checked up again like Fetterman does. Mark Kelly and a dozen other Democrats wrote to John Thune offering to make a bipartisan border deal if the Republicans agreed not to try to pass a Trumpconian measure on a straight party vote, overwriting the filibuster. And you can criticize Kelly for the message here, which is that we're all moving to throw out immigrants. We're just going to throw out less of them. But that's not the point here. He made the gesture. He put out that hand, even if it is bad bipartisanship, he put out that hand. And the response the Republicans literally laughed in his face. I will quote the NBC report, Senator Ron Johnson, Republican Wisconsin. I'll add as an aside, Wisconsin and Russia. Senator Ron Johnson laughed out loud when he was asked about the letter and whether Republicans might accept the overture. That's the latter. We will ignore. Huh, ignore, but appeasement because while you're appeasing and hemming and hawing and writing, oh he's goddamn writing letters and stern warnings Susan Collins should have been a Democrat. While you're always appeasing and writing and hemming and hawing and looking to work with Trump and his flying monkeys like Andy Ogles, they are already trying to butcher the Constitution and get him the third term. I warned you about a year ago a bill to amend the twenty second Amendment to permit Trump a third term, and half the liberals saw this and said, bring it on, we can run Obama because they only read the headline, not the part that it would still limit a president to two consecutive terms, because that's what they seized on in twenty twenty one. Once you've served two consecutive terms, you're out. Obama's out, Clinton's out, W's out. This is a bill for one guy. I suppose we could run Biden twice under this in any event, the two consecutive terms, but three in total or four in total. That's what they seized on in twenty twenty one. And the Republicans who do not support Andy freaking Oguls overriding the constitution only don't support that because they have Faber cater to an even bigger bullshit claim that because the twenty second Amendment doesn't say we don't just mean consecutive terms, it must mean just consecutive terms by all means. Dems keep appeasing Musk and Zuckerberg and Bezos and all the rest of the rogarchy, even though we now know exactly how much America hates Elon Musk and his non Nazi salute and his non Nazi video endorsement of the non Nazi German New Nazi Party, including saying Germans should stop feeling any guilt about the Nazis and the Holocaust. It was a long time ago. Just let him keep going, even though America is pretty much demanding somebody levels Elon Musk as soon as possible. New poll. Twelve percent think these clowns like Musk who still cannot buy a human soul or a human person nowady, no matter how much cash they have. Twelve percent think they should be advising presidents twelve percent. Only thirty percent even think the dog crap is a good thing. Only one third of us same Associated Press poll have a favorable view of Elon Musk. But please suck up to him more. Maybe you can appease him, if you know, if the ketaman you know runs out, And for that, as the teletype suggests, we have the corporate media, and what has all the pandering gotten the network so far? CBS and ABC legally bribing Trump, the Scarborough Brashinsky foretaste of MSNVC. Trump just called Mattow an enemy of the people. Trump'sknew gobbles, the angry male pattern baldness victim he put in charge of the FCC just reinstated the license complaints against stations owned by CBSABC and NBC but didn't they just solve all this with Monet just reinstated these complaints at the FCC because Trump didn't like ABC's handling of the debate, because Trump didn't like the CBS Harris interview, because NBC put Harris on Saturday Night Live. Congratulations, boys, you bribed Trump and he took your money, and he spent your money on filing fees for lawsuits and complaints with which to kick your assets. Not only are you bad Americans, you're bad businessmen. And the other shoe finally fell fully off at CNN, Jim Acosta still standing up while the likes of Jake E Fing Tapper and all the others there descend into both sides of absurdity, as if that will stop Trump. Jim Acosta has now officially lost his ten AM slot and now instead of being moved to midnight, he may or may not work out a new role there. This is courtesy of the latest flabby minded collaborator brought in by Warner Bros. Discovery, Mark Thompson. Sir Mark Thompson, He's not from here because having the British or the Australians, or an Australian who pretends he's British run our media has always worked so well as an aside. Since the year two thousand, this guy Thompson has been the head of BBC Television, then Chief exec of Britain's Channel four, then back to the BBC as Director General. Then he quit after a series of BBC scandals, including pedophilia by kids show hosts. Then he left the country. Then he became CEO of the New York Times, Then he went to Ancestry dot com. Then he went to CNN two years ago. That's six jobs in twenty three years. If somebody on the air at CNN bounced around like that, the reaction would be sob can't hold a job. But for somebody in upper media management, that's considered a richly varied resume. Spending two continents and lastly on the collaborators in media, shut the f up, Stephen A. Smith, Steven shut the f Smith goes on Bill Maher and I just assumed that was for a contest between the two of them to see who could say the most words and waste the most airtime without saying anything of substance or anything you will ever remember, or anything with insight or anything that contributes to you know, humanity. But I was wrong. Stephen went on there because he thinks he understands politics, which to him is he voted for Kamala Harris. She didn't win, So, like any other sports team or athlete, Steven ever hyped, he now has to trash them because he's a complete front runner whose only skill is verbosity. Yes, I voted for her, A lot of people voted for her, but in the end we end up feeling like damned fools because we supported it. We fell for the okie doke. As they say, if you had a primary, the likelihood is she would not have been the Democratic nominee. You feel like a damned fool, now, Steve, wait till you look at a tape of your own work on ESPN. Oh, in that line you keep getting on and then pretending you didn't get on it and running away from it, and then quietly get back on it again. That line lick Sean Hannity's ass and Trump's just remember, Steve, it always has room for one more sycophantic coward. I apologize. I'm sorry for the degree of the venom there. When I worked with him at ESPN, I thought it was all harmless and at worst embarrassing, and he got a lot of money for it. Good for him. To my mind, nobody on the airs ever overpaid. I mean when I worked with them, I was just kind of astonished that anybody running or watching the company could successfully pretend that steven A actually, you know, ever said anything or reported anything, or did anything other than phil hours at a stretch. I remember once getting a producer a call from him when I was anchoring Sports Center in New York and the producer was in Connecticut, and he said, we're redoing the opening segment of the show because we have a SoundBite from steven A on whatever the topic was. And I assumed he had some reporting on it, and I rewrote it like that, and we played the tape, which I had not heard till we were on the air, and the tape consisted of him him saying steven A Smith saying the lead item in Sports Center being I don't know how this is going to turn out. It was it was the Emperor's new clothes. It was just it was steven A. People watched it. We were in the business of getting people to watch. Nice enough. Guy used to say, hello, I've known him for years and knew him. When they fired him. The first time anybody goes back to ESPN, they're in my club. Didn't matter. Good for him, good for them, whatever. But now this matters because at any point in its history, ESPN would have suspended or fired anybody who said what he said on Bill Maher show on Friday, or anybody who might have said they felt like a damned fool for voting for Trump. They want in my last tenure after we made peace. They once threatened to suspend me because I sent a hyperbolic tweet criticizing the dictator of the Philippines, Duterte du Turte. They were worried about I don't know the ratings for Sports Center in the Philippines, our coverage of the Manila folders. I was like the Philippines. But this is the New Disney, which was the first to settle a Trump nuisance suit so it could legally bribe him. And he said, thanks for the money. I'm now going to try to destroy you anyway. I feel like a damned fool. Camels, Yeah, okay, if she'd won, you'd be saying it was all you were doing. Also, of interest, here on an all New edition. Trump thinks the chairman of the January sixth Committee should go to jail. But unfortunately Trump is so mentally gone he cannot remember the chairman's name. That's next. This is Countdown. This is Countdown with Keith Alberman still ahead on this all new edition of Countdown. Ever heard one of those stories about some guy waking up from the anesthesia during the procedure. Yep, I'm one of those guys. Not quite as bad as it sounds, but still, what's the word for it. It's a surprise ahead on things I promise not to tell first. There are still more new idiots to talk about. The daily roundup of the miscreants, morons and Dunning Kruger effects specimens who constitute this edition of the other worst persons in the world. This edition is dedicated to newsman Kyle Clark of Channel nine in Denver, who risked the wrath of the heelocks with a little segment on the Colorado quote Congresswoman unquote Lauren Bobert and her paranoid stunt in DC last week. But it was Clark's phrasing on social media about his story that earned him this positive shout out. Here's what he wrote, quote New Rep. Lauren Bobert are Co came up empty handed in her search for a man in the woman's bathroom at the Capitol today, I see what you did there. And of course, since the video of her and the first date and what she was doing to him in that Colorado theater certainly not coming up empty handed still exists, I see what she did there too. I mean Clark worked in, came up handed search for a man. In one sentence, I'd be proud to have written that myself, sir, Congratulations about Lauren. What a pair of hands for a Grandma Bobert. Now to third place worser, and it's Trump. I will remind you again that for all the arrogance of this old stretched out balloon of a man golfing every day on your and my dime, we are here, in fact safest when he's out there doing that, because it's not just the evil, it's the stupidity. Now he's always been trending towards this next destination, but he's now fully engaged in the world. What we used to call spoonerisms, malaprops, wrong names, wrong words, Freudian slips, dreams. He had that he thinks really happened. Guesses that have to be right because he's guessing it, but especially those wrong names. And el Duche has clearly had too many Benny's in his life.

Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio to repeat myself because I'm right. File motions to impeach Trump today, Move to impeach Trump today, and keep moving to impeach Trump every day through next year's midterms. Impeachment is undefeated. It is undefeated in American history. House Democrats, he handed you twelve, maybe fifteen new impeachment counts on Friday Night alone, blatantly brazenly illegal dismissals of departmental inspector general, just as Project twenty twenty five promised, and eliminating the school's safety board, elimination of oversight, elimination of legal protections against the mass murder of children in school. In the old days, you might have responded to this by having Trump arrested. Now you are limited by the Supreme Court to impeachment bills that will all fail, except they will ultimately succeed because impeachment is undefeated. Impeach him for the Friday Night massacre. Impeach him for circumventing the fourteenth Amendment. He just ramped up the migrant arrest quote at a fifteen hundred a day and started raids in Chicago yesterday Impeach him for violating the Fourth Amendment. Impeach him for seizing Native Americans. Impeach him for seizing an army veteran and for his gestapo then questioning that veteran service. Impeach him for releasing sixteen hundred thugs and criminals, and for violate his oath to defend the country. Impeach him for illegally dismissing the anti mass shooting school safety Board. Impeach him now, impeach him later, then impeach him a couple of more times, and give him an extra slice of impeachment to carry him through the weekend. And if I hear one more blowback to my previous call to impeach him, no matter the outcome, one more headshake from a cowardly Democrat, and especially one more factually inaccurate claim that impeachment doesn't work because it's never removed a president, one more self absorbed loser saying impeach Yeah, sounds good. How did it work out for us last time? Pretty effing well. Actually, the mere talk of impeaching Trump helped the Democrats win the House in twenty eighteen and break trump tripartheid control of government. The first actual impeachment was followed by keeping the House in twenty twenty, and after the Georgia election, taking the Senate in twenty twenty, and oh, by the way, taking the White House in twenty twenty. The second impeachment crushed any lingering attempt by Trump to overthrow the Biden government in waiting in twenty twenty one, and it provided the impetus for the January sixth prosecutions and the prosecution of Trump, which Merrick Garland so thoroughly sabotaged. Impeachment works. Merrick Garland is the thing that failed. Bottom line, impeach him again. It is one of our darkest secrets as a nation, something we have lied to ourselves about. But impeachment works. The Democrats voted on articles of impeachment against Nixon in nineteen seventy four. Before they were finished, he resigned. They kept the House and the Senate in the mid terms three months later, and they won the White House two years later, And they kept the House two years later, and they kept the Senate two years later. The Republicans launched the official Clinton impeachment inquiry in October nineteen ninety eight, after months of having the media softened the nation up. First official Clinton impeachment inquiry begins October nineteen ninety eight. November nineteen ninety eight. They kept the Senate, they kept the House. They impeached him, They kept the Senate. In the House in two thousand and they took the White House first Trump impeachment. Democrats then kept the House, took the Senate, took the presidency. Number of presidents removed from office none of three. Number of times the parties that did the impeachment won the next election thirteen out of thirteen. Thirteen out of thirteen House, Senate, White House, US. I think we should write a letter instead, a really mean letter. I mean, in fact, never mind thirteen of thirteen. You can argue it's really fourteen out of fourteen because the Republican that Republicans impeached in eighteen sixty eight, President Andrew Johnson, was actually a Democrat, and the goal was to hamstring him from implementing his pro Confederacy agenda and especially to keep him running as an incumbent. And it worked. It just doesn't get understood. In the one second most elected Democrats will give to analyze it. Either way, impeachment is undefeated. Start now, You'll love it. It is a long term strategy, and it is half neuwt Gingrich, half Muhammad Ali. No, you are not going to knock out your opponent with one and no, you are not going to avoid getting bruised in the process. But each time you hit back, they get bruised too. And if you are in this fight and you are not convinced that you will ultimately prevail and that you are tougher than they are, get out of the fight. We'll do it without you, because I'm tougher than Trump is, and you are tougher than Trump is, and so even is Hakeem Jeffries. But if Akeem Jeffries and other prominent Democrats think the strategy is to issue a press release after every time Trump does to this country exactly what Putin would have done to this country, or what ben Laden would have done to this country, they have to go. This is Trump in the middle of his war against the United States of America. We have been attacked again by Trump. And the answer is not press releases. It's impeachment bills and walkouts and protests and calling them a traitor and threatening a tax strike in the Blue States and making the next two years as infuriating for him and infuriating for every whore who supports him. You are not going to defeat him until next year at the earliest, but you can make his life and their worthless lives almost as miserable as they intend to make ours. Let's get busy. Hit back. And if you're not ready to hit back, Leader Jeffries, resign, turn it over to AOC. She is clearly ready to metaphorically knee them all in the groin. She is the wartime conciliari. And guess what, kids, this is wartime? Or if AOC has too many rough edges for you, or not enough experience, if you want nice, put Bishop Marianne Edgar Buddy in charge of the Democratic Party. I'm goddamned serious. Forgive me, bishop, because this is where we are ethically right now in this country. Lindsey Graham says the dismissals of the Inspectors General are illegal, but so what quote. I'm not losing a lot of sleep. So if you're looking for some kind of regret and atonement from the fascists, forget it. Trump has also escalated his version of the Onschluss again over the weekend. I think the people of Greenland want to be with US. I really don't know what claim Denmark has to Greenland, but it would be a very unfriendly act if they didn't allow unquote Trump to seize Greenland. He has moved towards seizing other countries, or buying other countries, or crushing other countries economically because Trump Land, Trump Land uber Alles, and nobody is saying anything about it. It is, after all, the Hitler playbook, like the one he kept on his bedstand. First you sublimate your own nation, and then you start thrilling them by sublimating other nations. And there doesn't have to be a through line. There has to be no consistency to this. It's just rage, it's just bloodlust. While Marco Rubio, the new Secretary of comovers is talking about the Taliban holding more American hostages than we knew, so implying we may have to re invade Afghanistan, Trump just abandoned forty thousand Afghans who had worked for US in Afghanistan and had already been approved to move here from Afghanistan and escape the Taliban, and which Republican noted the utter militaristic, fascist, immoral hypocrisy of all that correct answer is none of the above. Trump now also wants everybody moved out of Gaza. Thanks for those of you who voted against Harris as a protest, and you know why he wants to move them out of Gaza because he thinks he can get Gaza and build golf courses and resorts there. Anybody talk about that, they may have to do more bad afghand of than Marco Rubio said, well, checking his hair in the mirror. After Trump demanded an apology from Bishop Buddy, his really weird Vice President of the United States, JV himself has taken us into an entirely new domestic area too. JV Vans has threatened the Catholic Church. Now'll just repeat that JV. Vance has threatened the Catholic Church because it's Bishop of Washington had the nerve to talk about Trump's evil to his face. The US Conference of Catholic Bishops, Vance said, needs to actually look in the mirror a little bit and recognize that when they receive more than one hundred million to resettle illegal immigrants, are they worried about humanitarian concerns or are they actually worried about their bottom line. Any Republican Catholics recognize this little sequence of plays here, any of them say anything personally, I don't care very much about the Catholic Church per se or any other church. But have you have you ever heard of the kirchen Kompf when Hitler went out to take over the Catholic Church in Germany and use its power as part of his bureaucracy of dictatorship. This is what that is. This is what it is, baby, the opening shot of the fundamentalist attempt to take over the government and at least to neuture and control the other brands and flavors of religion. And if you think, well, I mean it is the Catholic Church, it can defend itself pretty well. This is just another sign of what's to come. Whoever and whatever you are, to whichever group you belong, you're next. And all the Republicans are silent because power and money are their only gods and their only codes. And Lindsey Graham said he's not losing any sleep over it. And the Democrats, oh, well, they know what to do per CBS. The Democrats are introducing a resolution in the Senate today but it's not just a resolution, it's a gotcha resolution. It will ask for unanimous consent that quote resolved that the Senate disapproves any pardons for individuals who were found guilty of assaulting Capitol police officers. Oh hallelujah. That'll do it. Ah Yo, You'll get Senate Republicans on the record now supporting the assault on Capitol police officers, which they're voters will applaud. That'll show those damn Republicans for pardoning people their voters think were the victims. Can't get nothing past Chuck Schumer. Okay, actually there is some hope here. I actually like Jerry Connolly's response Trump's Friday night coup. The Congressman said, to overthrow legally protected independent inspectors General is an attack on transparency and accountability. You had me at coup, Congressman. Replacing inspectors general with political hacks will harm every American. Goddamn right now, Jerry introduce a bill to impeach him for doing this. Every Democratic representative should introduce at least one impeachment measure in the next two years. Flood Congress with them, turn it into nothing else, disrupt all House business sabotage the cameras. If you have to throw things, agitate, agitate, agitate, Except for one thing, one stealth move you can do in between the hourly impeachment bill. Reach out to Mike Johnson, get him away from his porn reporting app for a moment and ask him about instead his self prostitution for Trump about a new January sixth committee and wants a show trial with not very much to it. Think of that running embarrassment James Comer was about the Biden family. From their perspective, that was not an embarrassment. That just generated headlines. That was all it was supposed to do, and it worked. That's what Johnson wants. Don't give it to him. You should go bipartisan with him on this. Democrats support a new January sixth committee. Why, I don't know. Put some teeth into this thing. Johnson and Trump want to relitigate January sixth. Think about that for a second. They want to go through everything in January sixth again. God damn it. Hakeem Jeffrey should volunteer to carry Mike Johnson into the House on his own shoulders if he's willing to reltigate January sixth, he should volunteer to co chair the thing with Mike Johnson. Let's go through this again. Let's swear in Liz Cheney and Adam kinsing are his expert witnesses, and go through all the evidence again. Put Trump's coup on trial one more time, and sure, let Cash Patel come in with whatever he fabricates in his FBI and cut him to effing pieces on national TV. You want to relitigate January sixth, just after Trump succeeded in gaslighting enough of this country about what actually happened. You want to have an actual House committee devote itself to the people Trump stochastically pushed into that insurrection and then pardoned. You want that every day for weeks in the news. Trump, you want that. You got it, buddy. You want to be shown to be a trader all over again. And then the man who freed the other traders. Let's go. Oh, and Speaker Johnson, don't forget. We are going to call Cassidy Hutchinson again and she's going to read those sexual based text threats you, Mike Johnson said your members sent her during her testimony last time. And oh, by the way, Speaker Johnson, do you have any idea that that means you're admitting you covered those texts up? Speaker Johnson, will you raise your right hand and swear in here as a witness to the new January sixth Committee. It's a reboot, It's a Hollywood reboot. Or Democrats don't support the new January sixth Committee and then subvert and co opt it and blow it up in Trump's swollen face. Let's instead do that bipartisan thing that the canimate from the twilight zone, the to serve man guy what's his name, Senator Fetterman, the thing he wants, because offering the Republicans bipartisanship always works. Wait, it doesn't. Mark Kelly, who I think still means well and does not need to be checked up again like Fetterman does. Mark Kelly and a dozen other Democrats wrote to John Thune offering to make a bipartisan border deal if the Republicans agreed not to try to pass a Trumpconian measure on a straight party vote, overwriting the filibuster. And you can criticize Kelly for the message here, which is that we're all moving to throw out immigrants. We're just going to throw out less of them. But that's not the point here. He made the gesture. He put out that hand, even if it is bad bipartisanship, he put out that hand. And the response the Republicans literally laughed in his face. I will quote the NBC report, Senator Ron Johnson, Republican Wisconsin. I'll add as an aside, Wisconsin and Russia. Senator Ron Johnson laughed out loud when he was asked about the letter and whether Republicans might accept the overture. That's the latter. We will ignore. Huh, ignore, but appeasement because while you're appeasing and hemming and hawing and writing, oh he's goddamn writing letters and stern warnings Susan Collins should have been a Democrat. While you're always appeasing and writing and hemming and hawing and looking to work with Trump and his flying monkeys like Andy Ogles, they are already trying to butcher the Constitution and get him the third term. I warned you about a year ago a bill to amend the twenty second Amendment to permit Trump a third term, and half the liberals saw this and said, bring it on, we can run Obama because they only read the headline, not the part that it would still limit a president to two consecutive terms, because that's what they seized on in twenty twenty one. Once you've served two consecutive terms, you're out. Obama's out, Clinton's out, W's out. This is a bill for one guy. I suppose we could run Biden twice under this in any event, the two consecutive terms, but three in total or four in total. That's what they seized on in twenty twenty one. And the Republicans who do not support Andy freaking Oguls overriding the constitution only don't support that because they have Faber cater to an even bigger bullshit claim that because the twenty second Amendment doesn't say we don't just mean consecutive terms, it must mean just consecutive terms by all means. Dems keep appeasing Musk and Zuckerberg and Bezos and all the rest of the rogarchy, even though we now know exactly how much America hates Elon Musk and his non Nazi salute and his non Nazi video endorsement of the non Nazi German New Nazi Party, including saying Germans should stop feeling any guilt about the Nazis and the Holocaust. It was a long time ago. Just let him keep going, even though America is pretty much demanding somebody levels Elon Musk as soon as possible. New poll. Twelve percent think these clowns like Musk who still cannot buy a human soul or a human person nowady, no matter how much cash they have. Twelve percent think they should be advising presidents twelve percent. Only thirty percent even think the dog crap is a good thing. Only one third of us same Associated Press poll have a favorable view of Elon Musk. But please suck up to him more. Maybe you can appease him, if you know, if the ketaman you know runs out, And for that, as the teletype suggests, we have the corporate media, and what has all the pandering gotten the network so far? CBS and ABC legally bribing Trump, the Scarborough Brashinsky foretaste of MSNVC. Trump just called Mattow an enemy of the people. Trump'sknew gobbles, the angry male pattern baldness victim he put in charge of the FCC just reinstated the license complaints against stations owned by CBSABC and NBC but didn't they just solve all this with Monet just reinstated these complaints at the FCC because Trump didn't like ABC's handling of the debate, because Trump didn't like the CBS Harris interview, because NBC put Harris on Saturday Night Live. Congratulations, boys, you bribed Trump and he took your money, and he spent your money on filing fees for lawsuits and complaints with which to kick your assets. Not only are you bad Americans, you're bad businessmen. And the other shoe finally fell fully off at CNN, Jim Acosta still standing up while the likes of Jake E Fing Tapper and all the others there descend into both sides of absurdity, as if that will stop Trump. Jim Acosta has now officially lost his ten AM slot and now instead of being moved to midnight, he may or may not work out a new role there. This is courtesy of the latest flabby minded collaborator brought in by Warner Bros. Discovery, Mark Thompson. Sir Mark Thompson, He's not from here because having the British or the Australians, or an Australian who pretends he's British run our media has always worked so well as an aside. Since the year two thousand, this guy Thompson has been the head of BBC Television, then Chief exec of Britain's Channel four, then back to the BBC as Director General. Then he quit after a series of BBC scandals, including pedophilia by kids show hosts. Then he left the country. Then he became CEO of the New York Times, Then he went to Ancestry dot com. Then he went to CNN two years ago. That's six jobs in twenty three years. If somebody on the air at CNN bounced around like that, the reaction would be sob can't hold a job. But for somebody in upper media management, that's considered a richly varied resume. Spending two continents and lastly on the collaborators in media, shut the f up, Stephen A. Smith, Steven shut the f Smith goes on Bill Maher and I just assumed that was for a contest between the two of them to see who could say the most words and waste the most airtime without saying anything of substance or anything you will ever remember, or anything with insight or anything that contributes to you know, humanity. But I was wrong. Stephen went on there because he thinks he understands politics, which to him is he voted for Kamala Harris. She didn't win, So, like any other sports team or athlete, Steven ever hyped, he now has to trash them because he's a complete front runner whose only skill is verbosity. Yes, I voted for her, A lot of people voted for her, but in the end we end up feeling like damned fools because we supported it. We fell for the okie doke. As they say, if you had a primary, the likelihood is she would not have been the Democratic nominee. You feel like a damned fool, now, Steve, wait till you look at a tape of your own work on ESPN. Oh, in that line you keep getting on and then pretending you didn't get on it and running away from it, and then quietly get back on it again. That line lick Sean Hannity's ass and Trump's just remember, Steve, it always has room for one more sycophantic coward. I apologize. I'm sorry for the degree of the venom there. When I worked with him at ESPN, I thought it was all harmless and at worst embarrassing, and he got a lot of money for it. Good for him. To my mind, nobody on the airs ever overpaid. I mean when I worked with them, I was just kind of astonished that anybody running or watching the company could successfully pretend that steven A actually, you know, ever said anything or reported anything, or did anything other than phil hours at a stretch. I remember once getting a producer a call from him when I was anchoring Sports Center in New York and the producer was in Connecticut, and he said, we're redoing the opening segment of the show because we have a SoundBite from steven A on whatever the topic was. And I assumed he had some reporting on it, and I rewrote it like that, and we played the tape, which I had not heard till we were on the air, and the tape consisted of him him saying steven A Smith saying the lead item in Sports Center being I don't know how this is going to turn out. It was it was the Emperor's new clothes. It was just it was steven A. People watched it. We were in the business of getting people to watch. Nice enough. Guy used to say, hello, I've known him for years and knew him. When they fired him. The first time anybody goes back to ESPN, they're in my club. Didn't matter. Good for him, good for them, whatever. But now this matters because at any point in its history, ESPN would have suspended or fired anybody who said what he said on Bill Maher show on Friday, or anybody who might have said they felt like a damned fool for voting for Trump. They want in my last tenure after we made peace. They once threatened to suspend me because I sent a hyperbolic tweet criticizing the dictator of the Philippines, Duterte du Turte. They were worried about I don't know the ratings for Sports Center in the Philippines, our coverage of the Manila folders. I was like the Philippines. But this is the New Disney, which was the first to settle a Trump nuisance suit so it could legally bribe him. And he said, thanks for the money. I'm now going to try to destroy you anyway. I feel like a damned fool. Camels, Yeah, okay, if she'd won, you'd be saying it was all you were doing. Also, of interest, here on an all New edition. Trump thinks the chairman of the January sixth Committee should go to jail. But unfortunately Trump is so mentally gone he cannot remember the chairman's name. That's next. This is Countdown. This is Countdown with Keith Alberman still ahead on this all new edition of Countdown. Ever heard one of those stories about some guy waking up from the anesthesia during the procedure. Yep, I'm one of those guys. Not quite as bad as it sounds, but still, what's the word for it. It's a surprise ahead on things I promise not to tell first. There are still more new idiots to talk about. The daily roundup of the miscreants, morons and Dunning Kruger effects specimens who constitute this edition of the other worst persons in the world. This edition is dedicated to newsman Kyle Clark of Channel nine in Denver, who risked the wrath of the heelocks with a little segment on the Colorado quote Congresswoman unquote Lauren Bobert and her paranoid stunt in DC last week. But it was Clark's phrasing on social media about his story that earned him this positive shout out. Here's what he wrote, quote New Rep. Lauren Bobert are Co came up empty handed in her search for a man in the woman's bathroom at the Capitol today, I see what you did there. And of course, since the video of her and the first date and what she was doing to him in that Colorado theater certainly not coming up empty handed still exists, I see what she did there too. I mean Clark worked in, came up handed search for a man. In one sentence, I'd be proud to have written that myself, sir, Congratulations about Lauren. What a pair of hands for a Grandma Bobert. Now to third place worser, and it's Trump. I will remind you again that for all the arrogance of this old stretched out balloon of a man golfing every day on your and my dime, we are here, in fact safest when he's out there doing that, because it's not just the evil, it's the stupidity. Now he's always been trending towards this next destination, but he's now fully engaged in the world. What we used to call spoonerisms, malaprops, wrong names, wrong words, Freudian slips, dreams. He had that he thinks really happened. Guesses that have to be right because he's guessing it, but especially those wrong names. And el Duche has clearly had too many Benny's in his life.

He's a crooked guy, a totally crooked politician. And so he's pardoned, and some other people are pardoned. And these are crooked politicians, every one of them. Bennie Johnson, what he did is incredible. I mean, he was the leader of the committee and he did it.

He's a crooked guy, a totally crooked politician. And so he's pardoned, and some other people are pardoned. And these are crooked politicians, every one of them. Bennie Johnson, what he did is incredible. I mean, he was the leader of the committee and he did it.

Idiot Benny Thompson. Benny Thompson was the chairman of the January sixth committee, not Bennie Johnson, the real January sixth committee, not the new one. Like I said earlier, Oh please, please, please, please please please let there be a new one. Please relitigate this, please, Unless this was a Freudian slip and Trump really wants to indict the most simpering, foppish, just playing stupid of as many sycophantic social media whorees. Who is Bennie Johnson. It's Benny the runners up the National Football League and commissioner Roger Goodell. Now Baseball has kept idiot commissioners in place for impossibly long stretches. Hockey two several of them, Basketball not so much. Probably that explains why the NBA went from something founded by all the hockey owners in the mid nineteen forties so they could get a few fans to spend some money in the hockey arenas that they owned on off nights. And that really is how professional basketball in this country actually got started for real, how it went from that to dominating the winter sports like oh hockey. But football has had this guy Goodell in place for what will soon be twenty years, and he is on an incredible winning streak that makes Tom Brady look like the backup quarterback on a semi pro team. Roger Goodell in twenty years nearly has never done the right thing. New England Patriots vice president of content Fred Kersh and honestly, what content could the Patriots have without Bill Belichick? Anyway, He told a Patriots centric podcast that the team had an account on blue Sky, but it was ordered by the league Roger Goodell commissioner to shut that account down because blue Sky is not quote an approved social media platform for the NFL. Yet Goodell, who literally always gets it wrong, did a deal with Musk and X and his egor Linda yek Garino to create an NFL portal on X last fall, just as X clearly began its death rattle. You don't believe it's a death rattle. The Wall Street Journal says the banks who loaned Elmo the money to buy Twitter and destroy it are going to sell off some of the thirteen billion they loaned him, So the loans are for sale, which is going to mean a lot of trouble for Musk going forward. One of the reasons they're going to do this, according to The Wall Street Journal, which is not exactly a left wing media outlet, is that they have an email the banks do that Musk sent to his remaining employee slash Slaves over there, that in part reads, our user growth is stagnant, revenue is unimpressive, and we're barely breaking even. Alas the old saw is true, being a Nazi will make you money early, but it's just not a long term investment strategy, ask Eva Brown. But back to the NFL, and it's unfortunate dim bulb of a commissioner. Goodell has straight outside of the Muskrat catacombs, though it has some kind of an arrangement with the other Trump fell Later Mark the terrified Mark Zuckerberg to go on the absolutely useless Threads platform. Gee, maybe Zuck can get Roger Goodell a virtual reality helmet. How's that working out for you, Zuck? Is that why your hair looks like that because you wore the helmet too long? The NFL on the social media cutting edge. It will be on my Space any day now. But our winner Noah Cindergard, one time All Star and still the only pitcher to win a World Series game for the New York Mets since the year two thousand. He also was the live in dugout guest for the Mets Yankees game. I did the play by play for on ESPN in twenty eighteen, and he was outstanding and very funny and very with his time. However, as we all knew even then, Noah may not have the sharpest breaking balls in the league. If you get my drift, he has now proved that in spades. Cinderguard, unemployed since Cleveland cut him in August twenty twenty three, shared a photo of himself at a black tie event. In the foreground of this photo, Robert F. Kennedy Junior, now happily in the photo, Kennedy is wearing pants with him, Kennedy's hostage, I'm sorry, Kennedy's wife, also Cinderguard, and some other people who may or may not be lunatics. Cindergard added to this the hashtag mahaha, which they think stands for Make America Healthy again, but which actually stands for make America hell again. It's used by Kennedy to push his anti vaccine, anti science, anti not dying of diseases. We had a lit dominated pro polio, pro hallucinogenic drugs, pro covid, pro on camera masturbation agenda, the one he is pushing as nominee to head Health in Human Services, presuming he's not too stoned to forget he was appointed to the job, or he didn't just decide to stay home and play with himself. An athlete, especially a baseball player, especially a washed up pitcher, going fascist is nothing new. It's probably a large majority of them. But Noah's Cindergard endorsing Bobby Kennedy's lunatic health policies is particularly stupid, even for a fascist picture or in his case, an X picture, because in twenty eighteen, Noahs Cindergard had to miss a start and go on the injured list because of rashes and mouthsores after he contracted the virus that almost always affects only children hand foot and mouth disease. It's handfoot and mouth disease. You get it with play do dough handfoot and mouth disease. Noah Cindergard becoming the first major league player since like eighteen seventy seven to catch this by simply not washing his freaking hands. So naturally, this imbecil is endorsing that imbecile. Noah, make America contagious again, Cinderguard. Today's worse worse that I know. So finally, I've been trying to figure out the apt artistic for one of a better term metaphor or imagery for where we are in the United States of assholes right now. And I think where we are is the same feeling you get when you wake up from anesthesia during a medical procedure. All right, it may not be perfect, but I think it does get it kind of close. And it's important to think about metaphors because art, and I don't want to call that art, but you know what I mean. Creativity helps us process evil, helps us get through evil. Some of the best paintings, some of the best literature written in prison, written in times of social upheaval. You know, the whole speech by Orson Wells from the Third Man about the cuckoo clock and the med cheese and Da Vinci and all the rest of that. So I think that's where we are. It's as if we have all awakened from a medical procedure, from anesthesia during the procedure. There may be another reason this is on my mind as I hit my sixty sixth birthday today. It's that I'm having a medical pressure tomorrow. And the last time I had it, I woke up from it during anesthesia to the top of the countdown and the number one story and things I promised not to tell. And as you know, I never like to talk about myself, but this was one of the more extraordinary events of my long and stupid medical history. Normally, the stories I tell you are of my own direct physical stupidity, running into subway trains for no particular reason headfirst when they weren't moving. But I was falling off small cliffs, filming television commercials for fast food, and famously cracking my pelvis, just a hairline crack, but it required three months of cane and anti inflammatories while walking down the street. And it wasn't even much of an incline as I was walking down it. But this one was something different. This was waking from anesthesia in the middle of a medical procedure, while I was still under and while they were still doing the medical procedure. I have it written down somewhere. It's two thousand and three, four five, somewhere in that range. So I am in my late forties and I am being overcome by what turned out to be nothing more serious, although it's a serious problem than reflux, indigestion, heartburn as it used to be colloquially known acid reflux, and it was affecting my ability to talk. I didn't get most of the pain or discomfort. It just caused my throat to tighten up and I got very hoarse. And I was a regular smoker of cigars and pipes at the time, and I thought the worst, and happily it was not that, and happily I quit doing the cigars and the pipes twenty years ago anyway, But here's what happened. I went in for an endoscopy to find out why my stomach was being somewhat uncooperative. It was a highly reputable operation in a highly reputable part of what used to be called Saint Luke's Roosevelt Hospital in New York, where I would later get my appendix removed on an emergency basis. That also wasn't my fault. Although not really noticing that the pain I had in my stomach was more than constipation, and waiting two days until I was, as my friend John Clees pointed out, once technically dying of septocemia, that was my fault. This was different. This was a kind of routine medical procedure, no routine quality to it when they give you an anesthetic, but it was a mild anesthetic, and it was a professional operation. And there were twenty people lined up in front of me in a whole series of endoscopy and of course, colonoscopy suites, And thus the air was filled with the wonderful smell of drugged up people emitting gas. Everybody else seemed to be having no problem whatsoever with their endoscopy or colonoscopy. People would be wheeled out of these various rooms where they performed those procedures, happily unconscious or nearly so emitting very very loud emissions of gas. It was almost kind of entertaining. As I sat there waiting to be the next one in line, I was greeted by the I guess he was an anesthesiologist. I had some doubts afterwards, and another nurse perhaps two guys, who walked me through what they were going to do, and gave me the initial sedative and then had me lie down and piped in via a shunt in my arm, a nice cooling anesthesia, and before you knew what happened, it was lights out anesthesia. By the way, if you've never gone through a procedure in which you've had, it is really kind of like a recording that you stopped up. You hit pause and come back hours later, minutes later, some cases days later, and then hit record again. You go back and look at it, and you have nothing between one twenty one pm and five thirty pm. I mean, it just stops. You don't have a sense of time moving. It's not like sleep, it's not like any of that. You're out and then you're back, and then you look and you say what time is it? And they say whatever time it is, and you're surprised because it seems like five minutes that time they took out my appendix after it blew up. I literally thought they hadn't done it yet, and it had been two and a half hours between them putting me out and them waking me up in any event, So I am lying there, but I don't know I'm lying there. I am in some other bed bath and beyond, and I am suddenly back. My eyes are closed, but I'm hearing very clearly. I recognize one of the voices. It's it's a doctor I just saw, I met an anesthetic guy. I feel some tightness in my neck, but there's no sense of panic. I think I'm lying down. I'm not concerned very much by this. It's well, it sounds like it feels like I'm having one of those I've been abducted by an alien spacecraft moments. I don't know where I am. There's something going on with my body. I'm not fully awake, but I can hear people talking, and I know they don't mean me harm, and I hear with this kind of tone to it. At this kind of distance, I hear one of the guys say to the other guy, Yeah, don't you know who that is. That's Keith Olberman. Keith, the one who left SportsCenter. Yeah, the guy who quit Sports Center. That's that's who that is. I want to why he left Sports Center. That must be the best job in the world. We'll have to ask him after he after he gets up. I wonder why he left Sports Center. Well, needless to say, they were talking about me, so there probably was no anesthesia in the world that could keep me from not hearing that, no matter where I was during this procedure, which was apparently going fine and normally, and they didn't think anything was wrong until I answered their question. I said, as I remember, and they confirmed afterwards. I said, oh, karkach and I hear one of the guys say, did he say something? Did he? I think I heard him too, Did he say, what, mister Olderman? Can you hear us? And I said, ha, hi, Well what I hahn here? You hurry hurry? Well, oh my god, you coming down to the anesthesia. And that's when I realized where I was and what was being done to me. There was a hose down my throat. They were doing the endoscopy, and then they promised me, oh, well, we'll give you some more anesthesia right away. I'm sorry we misgauged how much you needed. I guess we guess your weight wrong. It's like I wonder how often this happens in this place? That was my main thought. And then I asked a fairly logical question, given that I was until recently out cold, until it wore off prematurely, I said, how louck longer? And the guy said how much longer? Aha? And he said about a minute a half, about ninety seconds. Then we're going to be removing it. And I said, I good, You're good. Oh ah ah ah. I conveyed to them that there was no reason to increase the anesthetic if, after all, all they were going to do was remove the endoscope. The problem if you've ever had an endoscopy or anything else like that in which they put a tube or a camera or both, or god knows garden hose down your throat, the problem is when they put it in, not when they take it out. In fact, when they take it out is a sense of universal relief in your body as you relax, as your throat relaxes, as your mouth relaxes, as you hear the little pop when the thing comes out and you go ah. So I convinced them there was no particular reason to give me any more anesthesia, and they pulled the damn thing out of my throat stomach stomach first, I guess, very very very slowly, and I could feel it, and I would not describe this as the most pleasant feeling in the world. But each centimeter that they took the thing, or whatever small division there is of that, each division they took the thing, or distance they took the thing up out of my throat, it felt better, and I was like, Okay, we're almost done here and I won't be lying around emitting gas like everybody else. They wheeled out of this place. My memory came back almost immediately. All the things that had happened in my mind five minutes before but were probably half an hour before, were immediate past memories. They were clear as a bell, and I was now eyes open and looking around and going, well, I'm just going to keep my eyes closed so I don't see this thing come out of my mouth and start gagging. At the very end, it kind of was like a reverse version of the movie Alien. Oh no, actually it was the not reverse version of the movie Alien. Wasn't it because the alien comes out of the victim's body. So I didn't want to watch that, but it didn't feel particularly pleasant. It was relief. So now they pull a thing out and I'm fine, and they go, sorry about that. Gee, I'm really I mean, I don't know how we got those calculations wrong. Do you weigh a lot more than it says here? And I was like, no, that's my weight? Oh geez, well, I don't know. Maybe are you Are you one of those super aware people, those people, I said, yes, probably somebody who hears every noise in the room. Yes, that's me, particularly if you're talking about me and why I left ESPN, which at that point had happened seven years before, eight years before. I was not in a bad mood. It really hadn't amounted to anything other than a surprise. But these guys, I think, clearly thought I was going to sue them for every penny the hospital had and they had, and I had no interest in that. I just wanted to go home and get the results of the end to scope. So now I begin to sit up, because why should I be lying there? Now that the hose, the garden hose has been retracted and put back on the wall under the shed or wherever they keep it. And they said, you can't. You can't get up. What are you doing? I said, what, why not? And the anesthesiologist said, well, you're you're just coming up from the anesthesia. And I said, clearly, I just came up from the anesthesia like four minutes ago. Oh you have a point there. Well, all right, don't don't sit up fully. Let's just adjust this thing. And they pushed a button and it became kind of like a reclining chair. And so I sat there for a while and I said can I go home now? And they went, okay, just stand up slowly in here so we can see that you can do it. And of course, because I am one of those people who I forget the technical term for it is super aware and super responsible and super every back to normal, and let's see how things are going on in the adjoining county to make sure everything is going on. Okay, there, I'm the hyperaware guy. Wait, I would say to myself while asleep, I think I just heard some movement twenty floors below me in this hotel. Let's check that out. Wake up. So I went home, having had an endoscopy and having had that thing that in other medical procedures is the worst thing that can happen to you short of them killing you, which is you wake up from the anesthesia while they have the scalpel on you or whatever. And again i'll refer back to what I just mentioned. There is a theory about alien abductions. You've heard this, the idea of what people are mistaking for being abducted by a UFO that when they see those humans with the big bug like heads and you can't see their mouths, but they're talking to you, and you know telepathically that they don't mean you any harm. What it is is a half remembered moment during partial anesthesia from an operating theater, or perhaps while you were getting an endoscopy and you woke up from it. Who are these aliens? Because we know they weren't educated in any medical facility on this planet. In any event, I went home. It turned out I didn't have things like celiac disease. I didn't have other major things that needed extensive treatment. I just needed like prescription strength pepsid. And I got this story to tell you of the day I woke up because they were talking about me and why I left ESPN while giving me an endoscopy, thinking I couldn't hear them because I left that job while they stayed at their jobs and did not give me enough anesthesia, so I woke up in the middle of it. So always ask the anesthesiologist if he's sure that he's giving you enough so you don't wake up from it. Incidentally, when I had this procedure in two thousand and three four five, the next time I was at that hospital undergoing a procedure, which was the aforementioned appendictomy, I said to the anesthesiologist. As I lay down on the table and the surgeon and I talked about David Wright and the New York Mets in baseball. I said to the this is the anesthesiologist. Let me tell you a quick story about something that happened to me in this building two years ago. Please make sure you give me enough. I don't want to wake up with this. There's actual knives involved. And he just laughed, and the next thing I knew, it was two and a half hours later. There is one PostScript to this. Tomorrow, I am going in for an endoscopy, and all I can say is I'll talk to you later to borrow a phrase from a past life that they were asking about that one that story really deserves this. I've done all the damage I can do here. Thank you for listening. May all your medical procedures be uninterrupted by questions about your past career moves. Oh Brian Ray and John Phillip Shanelle, the musical directors of Countdown, arranged, produced, and performed most of our music. Mister Chanelle handled orchestration in keyboards, mister Ray was on the guitars, bass and drums, and it was produced by Tko Brothers. Our satirical and fithy musical comments are by the best baseball stadium organist ever. Nancy Faust. Music is the Olderman theme from ESPN two. It was written by Mitch Warren Davis courtesy of ESPN Inc. Other music arranged and performed by the group No Horns Allowed. And my announcer today was my friend Nancy Faust. Everything else was, as ever, my fault. So that's count down for today, Just four hundred and fifty five days until the scheduled end of his lame duck and lame brained term. As to our scheduled I'm going to keep this at two a week for now because I'm not ready to commit to more. But I am decided on keeping it going until further notice. I did a long interview last week with The Washington Post and the topic was again, what should MSNBC do now, as if there were any choices involved in this, and my answer was, as always, a build a statue of me in front of thirty rock and b double down. You now have almost a true monopoly on actual news that isn't just pandering to Trump. Everybody else gave up and ran away. But I emphasized to the reporter that the audience is not ready to start watching every day again, and I said, I'm pretty sure that's true of this podcast too, So we'll play the podcast by ear. Maybe I can do more. Right now, I don't want to do more. I will be here at least twice a week, barring and dyscopic mishaps. So the next scheduled countdown is Thursday. As always, Boltons as the news warrants, remember, impeach Trump. It won't work now, it will win the Democrats the midterms. Impeachment is undefeated till next time. I'm Keith Olberman, good morning, good afternoon, good anesthesia, good night, and good luck. Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.