EPISODE 134: COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN

A-Block (1:42) SPECIAL COMMENT: We are owned by guns, and our only way out is Economic Civil War.

Why does this supposedly sophisticated nation abide the ritual sacrifice of our children to insane gun owners? Because it makes other people millions of dollars. And when we cross a milestone where one of the Michigan State student-survivors is also a Sandy Hook survivor and at least three of them are also Oxford High student-survivors, we must attack the Gun Lobby, the Death Lobby, the Republican Death Party, and the Red States that harbor these terrorists with the only weapon they fear: Money. The Blue States keep the Red Ones from going bankrupt tomorrow and starving by next week. Let's use it. We must force our Blue State governments to stop contributing money to the Federal Government unless the Red States meet our demands about guns, the disproportionate House and Senate that codifies it, and the bought-and-sold Supreme Court that protects it. The Red States survive on State-to-State Socialism and you know how they hate Socialism. And the constitutional basis for an Economic Civil War? Why, the 2nd Amendment. After all, we are trying to protect "the security of a free State," aren't we?

B-Block (18:40) POSTSCRIPTS TO THE NEWS: Special Counsel squeezes a Trump lawyer, Feinstein to retire, Nikki Haley is the next contestant, and Flaco the Eagle-Owl is not really a "zoo escapee" any longer. (22:00) THE WORST PERSONS IN THE WORLD: Why lookee here! It's Elon Musk, Elon Musk, and then Elon Musk! He really fixed Twitter so his tweets would "win"? What a twerp!

C-Block (28:00) EVERY DOG HAS ITS DAY: Joy and Easy, sisters in New York (29:10) THINGS I PROMISED NOT TO TELL: Many have dreamed of it, but only one of my 438 past bosses actually threatened to kill me, and chased me around the studio to prove he was sincere. The saga of the premiere of "Rita Cosby Tonight" and the man who actually thought I was sabotaging it (as if anybody needed to), MSNBC president Rick Kaplan.