“It was taking so much more of me than it was giving.”

That’s how Heidi Mills describes her relationship with alcohol—and not in a dramatic, rock-bottom kind of way. In fact, that’s what makes her story so relatable. There wasn’t a single moment where everything fell apart. Instead, there was a long, quiet, up-and-down relationship with alcohol that looked normal on the outside but felt increasingly out of alignment on the inside.

Heidi is a certified life and relationship coach and the founder of Reclaim and Soul Care 75, where she helps women pursue personal renewal. But for years, she found herself stuck in a cycle that many of us know too well—drifting in and out of drinking, convincing herself it was under control, and silencing the internal whisper that something wasn’t right.

In this episode, Heidi shares how alcohol first entered her life as a teenager, how it faded during seasons of early motherhood and a faith awakening, and how it quietly re-entered in her 30s—this time dressed up as “normal” and even reinforced by church culture. In environments where drinking was accepted (sometimes even encouraged behind closed doors) it became easier to justify patterns that were slowly becoming more ingrained.

Eventually, though, she began to see clearly that she was in an abusive relationship, not with a person but with a thing called alcohol. And it wasn't adding to her life but quietly taking from it.

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We explore:

— How Heidi’s relationship with alcohol developed in cycles rather than a single breaking point
— The role church drinking culture played in normalizing and reinforcing her habits
— How alcohol became a coping mechanism for stress, anxiety, and relational pain
— What cognitive dissonance looks like in everyday drinking patterns
— How cultural messaging and marketing shape our beliefs about alcohol
— Why “it’s under control” is often a warning sign, not reassurance
— The moment Heidi began to recognize alcohol as a toxic relationship
— What it looks like to slowly unravel the stories we believe about what alcohol does for us
— The fear of losing community and connection when stepping away from drinking
— How awareness—not willpower—is often the first step toward change
— What it means to live in alignment with your convictions instead of numbing them

Heidi's article: A Glass Half Empty: Leaving My Most Abusive Relationship
Work with Heidi here.
Heidi's Soul Care 75.
Heidi's Substack newsletter: In the Waiting Room
Follow me: @jonseidl
Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic
Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0