“It wasn’t about how much I drank—it was about how much mental and heart space it occupied. I loved it more than I wanted to admit.”

That realization for Ali Kennedy didn’t come during a dramatic rock bottom. Instead, it came after years of managing, moderating, and justifying a relationship with alcohol that looked fine on the outside but was slowly crowding out joy, clarity, and intimacy with God.

In this episode, I sit down with Ali—a pastor’s wife, missionary, former Ivy League athlete, and writer—who shares her honest story of giving up alcohol not once, but twice. Ali’s journey challenges the idea that addiction has to look a certain way and invites us to ask deeper questions about disordered loves, shame, and the subtle ways we settle for breadcrumbs when God is offering a feast.

Ali opens up about growing up around alcohol, finding early freedom after a radical encounter with Christ, and then slowly welcoming alcohol back into her life in socially acceptable, highly-regulated ways. Over time, what never crossed obvious lines began to quietly take up more space than she wanted to admit—especially during seasons of grief, motherhood, and ministry pressure.

And I think a lot of us can relate to that.

This conversation isn’t about labels. It’s about obedience, discernment, and the courage to listen when the Holy Spirit keeps tapping your shoulder. If you’ve ever felt foggy, restless, or spiritually distracted—even while doing “nothing wrong”—Ali’s story may give you permission to take that prompting seriously and ask what God might be inviting you to lay down.

We explore:

— Why addiction isn’t defined only by quantity or frequency
— How shame keeps Christians silent and stuck
— The difference between moderation and freedom
— Alcohol as a “disordered love” rather than a visible vice
— Grief, motherhood, and the quiet return of coping behaviors
— Why obedience sometimes matters more than labels
— The role of confession and community in lasting change
— What it means to stop settling for breadcrumbs and pursue the feast

Work with Ali: https://www.alikennedy.com
Ali's writing: Homes of Glory
Ali's Instagram: @alikennedylive
Follow me: @jonseidl
Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic