“Suffering brings you to the end of yourself and you have to decide—do I love the Giver or do I love the gifts the most?”

That realization didn’t come easily for Kimberly Phinney.

It came after years of chasing the kinds of addictions people rarely call addictions at all—perfectionism, workaholism, people-pleasing, and the relentless drive to prove your worth. And it came after chronic illness stripped away the very things she once used to define herself and led to an unraveling.

For Kimberly, that unraveling eventually led to a nervous breakdown in her twenties. But the story didn’t stop there.

Years later she was diagnosed with severe stage-four endometriosis. What followed were multiple surgeries, catastrophic complications, sepsis, months of being bedridden, and the long process of learning how to walk again.

In a short span of time, the things that once shaped her identity—productivity, professional success, physical strength, reputation—were stripped away. What remained forced her to confront a deeper question: when suffering removes the gifts we’ve relied on, do we still love the Giver?

In this episode, Kimberly shares how perfectionism, anxiety, and eating disorders quietly shaped her early life, how chronic illness dismantled the idols she didn’t know she had built, and how suffering became the place where her faith was both tested and deepened.

If you’ve ever wrestled with perfectionism, self-reliance, the "shiny" addictions as Kimberly calls them, chronic illness, shame, or the tension between faith and suffering, this conversation is an honest look at what it means to keep trusting God when he's all you have to hold on to.

Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here.

We explore:

— The “shiny addictions” that often hide behind success, including perfectionism, workaholism, people-pleasing, and control
— How trauma, anxiety, and identity wounds can quietly build toward a mental health crisis
— Why socially acceptable addictions can be just as destructive as substance addictions
— The devastating physical toll of severe stage-four endometriosis and chronic illness
— What happens when suffering strips away productivity, independence, and reputation
— The connection between shame, secrecy, and healing
— How chronic illness exposed the idols Kimberly did not realize she had built
— Why suffering can deepen faith instead of destroying it
— What it means to love the Giver more than the gifts

Get Kimberley's books: Of Wings and Dirt and Exalted Ground
The website: The Way Back to Ourselves
Kimberly's Substack newsletter: My Way Back
Follow her on Instagram
Follow me: @jonseidl
Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic
Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0