A listener in his eighties wants to know if there’s an expiration date on his sex life, and how to reconnect in the bedroom with his wife. Luckily, Emily is writing a new book about sex in long-term relationships. She delves deep into what the research reveals about couples who sustain a strong sexual connection over many years. Plus, she shares practical, science-backed sex advice on aging and navigating your changing body.



If you have a question for Emily, call the Come As You Are hotline at (646) 397-8557‬ or send a voice memo to emily@pushkin.fm. Tell us your pronouns and pseudonym (pick a name, any name!) Your question might be answered on the show.

Books mentioned by Emily: 

“Magnificent Sex” by Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz

“Black Girls Guide to Surviving Menopause” by Omisade Burney-Scott

“What Fresh Hell Is This?”byHeather Corinna

“Why Good Sex Matters” by Nan Wise

”Couples Sexuality After 60” by Barry and Emily M

A listener in his eighties wants to know if there’s an expiration date on his sex life, and how to reconnect in the bedroom with his wife. Luckily, Emily is writing a new book about sex in long-term relationships. She delves deep into what the research reveals about couples who sustain a strong sexual connection over many years. Plus, she shares practical, science-backed sex advice on aging and navigating your changing body.
 
If you have a question for Emily, call the Come As You Are hotline at (646) 397-8557‬ or send a voice memo to emily@pushkin.fm. Tell us your pronouns and pseudonym (pick a name, any name!) Your question might be answered on the show.
Books mentioned by Emily: 
<a href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/magnificent-sex-lessons-from-extraordinary-lovers-a-dana-menard/14324686?ean=9780367181376">“Magnificent Sex” by Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz</a> 
“<a href="https://blackgirlsguidetosurvivingmenopause.com">Black Girls Guide to Surviving Menopause” by Omisade Burney-Scott</a>
“<a href="https://heathercorinna.com/project/what-fresh-hell-is-this-perimenopause-menopause-other-indignities-and-you-a-guide/">What Fresh Hell Is This?” by Heather Corinna</a>
<a href="https://askdoctornan.com/book/">“Why Good Sex Matters” by Nan Wise</a>
<a href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/couple-sexuality-after-60-intimate-pleasurable-and-satisfying-emily-mccarthy/16384748">”Couples Sexuality After 60” by Barry and Emily M</a>

Educator and bestselling author Dr. Emily Nagoski answers questions about sex with the latest science. The eight-part series is a modern guide to sexual wellbeing, backed by groundbreaking research about desire, anatomy, orgasm and much more. In conversation with her producer, Mo, Dr. Nagoski debunks cultural myths and flips the script on everything you thought you knew about sex and sexuality. Come As You Are will help you unlock your most pleasurable life, in the bedroom and beyond.

New episodes drop on Wednesdays.

Lead production by Monique LaBorde.

Come As You Are is produced by Pushkin Industries and Madison Wells.

Show art by Sofie Birkin.

To hear episodes a week early and ads free, subscribe to Pushkin+ in Apple Podcasts or at pushkin.fm/plus.

Educator and bestselling author Dr. Emily Nagoski answers questions about sex with the latest science. The eight-part series is a modern guide to sexual wellbeing, backed by groundbreaking research about desire, anatomy, orgasm and much more. In conversation with her producer, Mo, Dr. Nagoski debunks cultural myths and flips the script on everything you thought you knew about sex and sexuality. Come As You Are will help you unlock your most pleasurable life, in the bedroom and beyond.
New episodes drop on Wednesdays.
Lead production by Monique LaBorde.
Come As You Are is produced by Pushkin Industries and Madison Wells.
Show art by Sofie Birkin.
To hear episodes a week early and ads free, subscribe to Pushkin+ in Apple Podcasts or at <a href="http://pushkin.fm/plus.">pushkin.fm/plus.</a>

Come As You Are

The Science of Great Sex in Long-Term Relationships

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/2754b5a7-86d0-4232-ad42-af7401512e05/transcript

Science writer Florence Williams felt blindsided when her twenty-five-year marriage unexpectedly fell apart. Trained as a journalist, Florence set out on an expedition to understand the science of heartbreak and game her way back to health. Enjoy this special excerpt from Florence's audiobook, "Heartbreak: A Personal and Scientific Journey", where you'll hear her talk about sex and dating amidst divorce. And if you’re interested in hearing more of her story, download the complete audiobook at pushkin.fm/heartbreak. 

Science writer Florence Williams felt blindsided when her twenty-five-year marriage unexpectedly fell apart. Trained as a journalist, Florence set out on an expedition to understand the science of heartbreak and game her way back to health. Enjoy this special excerpt from Florence's audiobook, "Heartbreak: A Personal and Scientific Journey", where you'll hear her talk about sex and dating amidst divorce. And if you’re interested in hearing more of her story, download the complete audiobook at <a href="http://pushkin.fm/heartbreak" data-stringify-link="http://pushkin.fm/heartbreak" data-sk="tooltip_parent">pushkin.fm/heartbreak</a>.

Sex after Heartbreak

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/b0f29e00-4ada-4690-9604-b1150140b70a/transcript

Some people are just good at building and maintaining healthy partnerships. In their "Love Lab", the married researchers Dr John Gottman and Dr Julie Schwartz Gottman have seen how certain couples interact in ways that mean they'll happily stick together for decades. Enjoy this special episode of The Happiness Lab with Dr Laurie Santos.

The Gottmans join Dr Santos to explain what we can learn from these "Masters of Relationships" - so that the stresses and strains of life don't destroy our intimate partnerships. 

Some people are just good at building and maintaining healthy partnerships. In their "Love Lab", the married researchers Dr John Gottman and Dr Julie Schwartz Gottman have seen how certain couples interact in ways that mean they'll happily stick together for decades. Enjoy this special episode of <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos/id1474245040">The Happiness Lab with Dr Laurie Santos</a>.
The Gottmans join Dr Santos to explain what we can learn from these "Masters of Relationships" - so that the stresses and strains of life don't destroy our intimate partnerships.

Love Lessons From the "Masters of Relationships" on The Happiness Lab

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/61b9d56e-b1bc-486c-9f37-b111016d9cd8/transcript

This week, Emily answers a question from her producer, Mo, about consent. Mo and her girlfriend are considering a new sexual experience but they’re not both an “enthusiastic yes” on the idea. Mo’s girlfriend joins the conversation, and they delve into the idea of “enthusiastic maybe” in consent and how to handle all the comfortable, joyful, and consensual “maybes” that can come up in sex. A heads up before listening: in this conversation, we touch on difficult topics such as coercion and manipulation in sex. If this episode brings up some feelings for you, check out our resources below.

If you have a question for Emily, call the Come As You Are hotline at (646) 397-8557‬ or send a voice memo to emily@pushkin.fm. Tell us your pronouns and pseudonym (pick a name, any name!) Your question might be answered on the show. 



ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

“ACE: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire Society” by Angela Chen

Emily learned the language of “willing consent” from Suzanne Iasenza

For more on “human givers” and “human winners” read “Burnout” 

Emily’s Tiktok

Emily’s definition of consent: “Everyone is glad to be there and free to leave with no unwanted consequences. Plus, there is no unwanted pain.”



CONSENT AND SURVIVOR RESOURCES: 

RAINN on consent and information for sexual assault survivors

National Sexual Violence Resource Center

Me Too Movement Resource Library

This week, Emily answers a question from her producer, Mo, about consent. Mo and her girlfriend are considering a new sexual experience but they’re not both an “enthusiastic yes” on the idea. Mo’s girlfriend joins the conversation, and they delve into the idea of “enthusiastic maybe” in consent and how to handle all the comfortable, joyful, and consensual “maybes” that can come up in sex. A heads up before listening: in this conversation, we touch on difficult topics such as coercion and manipulation in sex. If this episode brings up some feelings for you, check out our resources below.
If you have a question for Emily, call the Come As You Are hotline at (646) 397-8557‬ or send a voice memo to emily@pushkin.fm. Tell us your pronouns and pseudonym (pick a name, any name!) Your question might be answered on the show. 
 
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 
<a href="https://www.angelachen.org/ace">“ACE: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire Society” by Angela Chen</a> 
Emily learned the language of “willing consent” from <a href="https://www.suzanneiasenza.com/">Suzanne Iasenza</a>
For more on “human givers” and “human winners” read “<a href="https://www.burnoutbook.net">Burnout</a>” 
<a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@emilynagoski">Emily’s Tiktok</a> 
Emily’s definition of consent: “Everyone is glad to be there and free to leave with no unwanted consequences. Plus, there is no unwanted pain.”
 
CONSENT AND SURVIVOR RESOURCES: 
RAINN <a href="https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent">on consent</a> and information for <a href="https://www.rainn.org/national-resources-sexual-assault-survivors-and-their-loved-ones">sexual assault survivors</a> 
<a href="https://www.nsvrc.org/survivors">National Sexual Violence Resource Center</a>
<a href="https://metoomvmt.org/explore-healing/resource-library/">Me Too Movement Resource Library</a>

Consent and "Enthusiastic Maybe"

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/5c6fdd92-396e-4030-a436-af7200b15827/transcript

The Science of Great Sex in Long-Term Relationships

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