Dementia is the leading cause of death in Australia, and a lot of what we believe about it is making things worse. This week, meet the man who moved in. Ageing parents? You've got them. We've got you.

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In this episode:
Our youngest guest yet. At 21, Dutch nurse Teun Toebes moved into the locked dementia ward of a nursing home and stayed three and a half years. Sarah Macdonald sits down with him on his first day in Australia to talk about what living alongside 130 housemates with dementia taught him: that the hardest part of the diagnosis is often not the disease, it's the way the world treats you once you have it. We don't lack beds or money, he says. We lack humanity.

This Week's Hack: Take them out, and keep showing up. Your parent may not remember the visit, but they remember the feeling. So do the drive, the cup of tea, the trip to the shops, even when it feels pointless. And when you don't know what to say or do, be okay with not knowing. Caring for someone with dementia is a shared job, not a solo one.

Send this to: Send this to your sibling, or to anyone who has stopped visiting because "they won't remember anyway." This is the episode that gently puts that one to bed.

A moment that stays: Teun takes his housemate Ellie to her son Marcel's house. She walks in, bursts into tears, and says, "Now I finally know where my son lives." She couldn't have told you the address. But she felt it.

Meet the regular Clubbers:
Melissa Reader — CEO of Vera and expert on Australia's ageing crisis.
Jo Lamble — Clinical psychologist specialising in guilt and family dynamics.
Dr Ginni Mansberg — GP and women's health advocate who tells it straight.
Dr Stephanie Ward — Geriatrician helping you understand when "old" becomes a crisis.
Kerry Milligan — Gogglebox star bringing humour and honesty to the sandwich generation.

Topics covered in this episode:
- Why a 21-year-old nurse moved into a locked dementia ward, and what three and a half years taught him
- The "code of freedom": being the only resident who can open the door
- Why the stigma hurts more than the disease
- Identities change with dementia, but they are not lost
- The language problem: "brain gymnastics," "the restaurant of mistaken orders"
- How to be with a parent who has dementia, even when you don't know how
- Guilt, and why caring for someone with dementia is a shared responsibility
- "They remember the feeling, not the visit"
- Opening the locked doors: how 500+ Dutch care homes did it
- Over-medicalisation: thickener, walkers, hip airbags and protein drinks by default
- Quality of care vs quality of life
- "Use it or lose it": real knives, real plants, real dogs, real campfires
- Why one nursing home spent 10,000 euros a year on plastic plants
- The hospital-bed problem and the cost of standardising care
- Dementia as Australia's leading cause of death, and why that framing can backfire

Mentioned in this episode:

• Human Forever — Teun Toebes and Jonathan de Jong's award-winning documentary, touring Australia. Tour dates: 11 JUNE – MELBOURNE, 12 JUNE – BANGALOW, 13 JUNE – BRISBANE. To find out more, visit https://human-forever.com/join-the-movement/
• The Housemates — Teun's bestselling book about life on the ward.
• Teun's new book with Jonathan de Jong — out September 2026.

Credits:
Club Sandwich is brought to you by Vera, helping families caring for ageing parents navigate this stage of life so you don't have to do it alone.

This episode was supported by Australian Unity Home Health and Care. Visit https://australianunity.com.au/clubsandwich.
This episode was supported by NSW Trustee and Guardian — wills, power of attorney and enduring guardianship, sorted properly, so the people you love aren't left guessing. Search NSW Trustee and Guardian, or call 1300 10 20 30.
Vera is your candid companion as you care for an ageing parent. Have a look at https://vera.guide.

Sarah Macdonald — Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader — Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Justin McArthur – Executive Producer.
Audio + video edits by P. Zinner Podcasts (https://pzinner.com.au)
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our theme music Club Sandwich — hear more at https://seanwayland.com