Dementia is the leading cause of death in Australia, and a lot of what we believe about it is making things worse. This week, meet the man who moved in. Ageing parents? You've got them. We've got you.

JOIN THE CLUB: Visit https://clubsandwich.community to join the tribe, access resources, and find our private Facebook community.
SEND US YOUR QUESTION: hello@clubsandwich.community

In this episode:
Our youngest guest yet. At 21, Dutch nurse Teun Toebes moved into the locked dementia ward of a nursing home and stayed three and a half years. Sarah Macdonald sits down with him on his first day in Australia to talk about what living alongside 130 housemates with dementia taught him: that the hardest part of the diagnosis is often not the disease, it's the way the world treats you once you have it. We don't lack beds or money, he says. We lack humanity.

This Week's Hack: Take them out, and keep showing up. Your parent may not remember the visit, but they remember the feeling. So do the drive, the cup of tea, the trip to the shops, even when it feels pointless. And when you don't know what to say or do, be okay with not knowing. Caring for someone with dementia is a shared job, not a solo one.

Send this to: Send this to your sibling, or to anyone who has stopped visiting because "they won't remember anyway." This is the episode that gently puts that one to bed.

A moment that stays: Teun takes his housemate Ellie to her son Marcel's house. She walks in, bursts into tears, and says, "Now I finally know where my son lives." She couldn't have told you the address. But she felt it.

Meet the regular Clubbers:
Melissa Reader — CEO of Vera and expert on Australia's ageing crisis.
Jo Lamble — Clinical psychologist specialising in guilt and family dynamics.
Dr Ginni Mansberg — GP and women's health advocate who tells it straight.
Dr Stephanie Ward — Geriatrician helping you understand when "old" becomes a crisis.
Kerry Milligan — Gogglebox star bringing humour and honesty to the sandwich generation.

Topics covered in this episode:
- Why a 21-year-old nurse moved into a locked dementia ward, and what three and a half years taught him
- The "code of freedom": being the only resident who can open the door
- Why the stigma hurts more than the disease
- Identities change with dementia, but they are not lost
- The language problem: "brain gymnastics," "the restaurant of mistaken orders"
- How to be with a parent who has dementia, even when you don't know how
- Guilt, and why caring for someone with dementia is a shared responsibility
- "They remember the feeling, not the visit"
- Opening the locked doors: how 500+ Dutch care homes did it
- Over-medicalisation: thickener, walkers, hip airbags and protein drinks by default
- Quality of care vs quality of life
- "Use it or lose it": real knives, real plants, real dogs, real campfires
- Why one nursing home spent 10,000 euros a year on plastic plants
- The hospital-bed problem and the cost of standardising care
- Dementia as Australia's leading cause of death, and why that framing can backfire

Mentioned in this episode:
Human Forever — Teun Toebes and Jonathan de Jong's award-winning documentary, touring Australia. Tour dates: 11 JUNE – MELBOURNE, 12 JUNE – BANGALOW, 13 JUNE – BRISBANE. To find out more, visit https://human-forever.com/join-the-movement/
The Housemates — Teun's bestselling book about life on the ward.
Teun's new book with Jonathan de Jong — out September 2026.

Credits:
Club Sandwich is brought to you by Vera, helping families caring for ageing parents navigate this stage of life so you don't have to do it alone.

This episode was supported by Australian Unity Home Health and Care. Visit https://australianunity.com.au/clubsandwich.
This episode was supported by NSW Trustee and Guardian — wills, power of attorney and enduring guardianship, sorted properly, so the people you love aren't left guessing. Search NSW Trustee and Guardian, or call 1300 10 20 30.
Vera is your candid companion as you care for an ageing parent. Have a look at https://vera.guide.

Sarah Macdonald — Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader — Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Justin McArthur – Executive Producer.
Audio + video edits by P. Zinner Podcasts (https://pzinner.com.au)
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our theme music Club Sandwich — hear more at https://seanwayland.com

Dementia is the leading cause of death in Australia, and a lot of what we believe about it is making things worse. This week, meet the man who moved in. Ageing parents? You've got them. We've got you.
JOIN THE CLUB: Visit https://clubsandwich.community to join the tribe, access resources, and find our private Facebook community. SEND US YOUR QUESTION: hello@clubsandwich.community
In this episode: Our youngest guest yet. At 21, Dutch nurse Teun Toebes moved into the locked dementia ward of a nursing home and stayed three and a half years. Sarah Macdonald sits down with him on his first day in Australia to talk about what living alongside 130 housemates with dementia taught him: that the hardest part of the diagnosis is often not the disease, it's the way the world treats you once you have it. We don't lack beds or money, he says. We lack humanity.
This Week's Hack: Take them out, and keep showing up. Your parent may not remember the visit, but they remember the feeling. So do the drive, the cup of tea, the trip to the shops, even when it feels pointless. And when you don't know what to say or do, be okay with not knowing. Caring for someone with dementia is a shared job, not a solo one.
Send this to: Send this to your sibling, or to anyone who has stopped visiting because "they won't remember anyway." This is the episode that gently puts that one to bed.
A moment that stays: Teun takes his housemate Ellie to her son Marcel's house. She walks in, bursts into tears, and says, "Now I finally know where my son lives." She couldn't have told you the address. But she felt it.
Meet the regular Clubbers: Melissa Reader &mdash; CEO of Vera and expert on Australia's ageing crisis. Jo Lamble &mdash; Clinical psychologist specialising in guilt and family dynamics. Dr Ginni Mansberg &mdash; GP and women's health advocate who tells it straight. Dr Stephanie Ward &mdash; Geriatrician helping you understand when "old" becomes a crisis. Kerry Milligan &mdash; Gogglebox star bringing humour and honesty to the sandwich generation.
Topics covered in this episode: - Why a 21-year-old nurse moved into a locked dementia ward, and what three and a half years taught him - The "code of freedom": being the only resident who can open the door - Why the stigma hurts more than the disease - Identities change with dementia, but they are not lost - The language problem: "brain gymnastics," "the restaurant of mistaken orders" - How to be with a parent who has dementia, even when you don't know how - Guilt, and why caring for someone with dementia is a shared responsibility - "They remember the feeling, not the visit" - Opening the locked doors: how 500+ Dutch care homes did it - Over-medicalisation: thickener, walkers, hip airbags and protein drinks by default - Quality of care vs quality of life - "Use it or lose it": real knives, real plants, real dogs, real campfires - Why one nursing home spent 10,000 euros a year on plastic plants - The hospital-bed problem and the cost of standardising care - Dementia as Australia's leading cause of death, and why that framing can backfire
Mentioned in this episode:
<ul>
<li>Human Forever &mdash; Teun Toebes and Jonathan de Jong's award-winning documentary, touring Australia. Tour dates: 11 JUNE &ndash; MELBOURNE, 12 JUNE &ndash; BANGALOW, 13 JUNE &ndash; BRISBANE. To find out more, visit <a href="https://human-forever.com/join-the-movement/">https://human-forever.com/join-the-movement/</a></li>
<li>The Housemates &mdash; Teun's bestselling book about life on the ward.</li>
<li>Teun's new book with Jonathan de Jong &mdash; out September 2026.</li>
</ul>
Credits: Club Sandwich is brought to you by Vera, helping families caring for ageing parents navigate this stage of life so you don't have to do it alone.
This episode was supported by Australian Unity Home Health and Care. Visit https://australianunity.com.au/clubsandwich. This episode was supported by NSW Trustee and Guardian &mdash; wills, power of attorney and enduring guardianship, sorted properly, so the people you love aren't left guessing. Search NSW Trustee and Guardian, or call 1300 10 20 30. Vera is your candid companion as you care for an ageing parent. Have a look at https://vera.guide.
Sarah Macdonald &mdash; Host + Executive Producer Melissa Reader &mdash; Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber Justin McArthur &ndash; Executive Producer. Audio + video edits by P. Zinner Podcasts (https://pzinner.com.au) Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our theme music Club Sandwich &mdash; hear more at https://seanwayland.com

The Sandwich Generation finally gets the conversation we deserve.

Club Sandwich is the community for those caring for ageing parents while juggling work, kids, relationships, and sanity. This is your tribe when family doesn't get it - or just isn't enough.

Hosted by veteran broadcaster Sarah Macdonald, Club Sandwich features clinical psychologists instead of life coaches, GPs instead of gratitude journals, and honest conversations about the relief-guilt paradox nobody else will touch.

Episodes include:
🔧 This Week's Hack - Actionable strategy you can use today
💌 Listener Letter - Real questions from Clubbers like you
🔥 Hot Mess Moments - Stories that make you feel less alone

🛠️ What We're Using - Resources and tools that actually help

Meet the regular Clubbers:

Melissa Reader - CEO of Vera aged care platform (vera.guide) and expert on Australia's ageing crisis and system failures.

Dr. Jo Lamble - Clinical psychologist specializing in guilt, family dynamics, and the impossible decisions when every option has a cost.

Dr. Ginny Mansberg - GP and women's health advocate who tells it straight about what caregiving does to your body.

Dr. Stephanie Ward - Geriatrician and consulting expert for ABC's Old People's Home for 4 Year Olds, helping you understand when "old" becomes a crisis—and when it doesn't.

Kerry Milligan - Gogglebox Australia star bringing humor, honesty, and hard-won perspective to impossible family situations.

No bubble baths. No bullshit. Just expert-led, community-first support for people who don't need another thing to feel bad about not doing.

Club Sandwich is more than a podcast - it's a movement. Join our private Facebook community, attend live events across Australia, and access free downloadable resources with every episode.

New episodes every Thursday.

Visit clubsandwich.community to join the tribe.

Topics covered: Caregiver guilt, sibling conflict, dementia care, financial planning, legal issues, family boundaries, burnout prevention, end-of-life decisions, self-care that actually works, navigating aged care systems, and the emotional toll of caring for ageing parents.

Credits

Club Sandwich is brought to you by Vera, helping families caring for ageing parents navigate this stage of life — so you don't have to do it alone.

Sarah Macdonald - Host + Executive Producer

Melissa Reader - Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber

Rachel Fountain - Executive Producer

Audio + video edits by Fountain Media Group

Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our awesome theme music Club Sandwich - hear more from Sean at seanwayland.com

The Sandwich Generation finally gets the conversation we deserve.
Club Sandwich is the community for those caring for ageing parents while juggling work, kids, relationships, and sanity. This is your tribe when family doesn't get it - or just isn't enough.
Hosted by veteran broadcaster Sarah Macdonald, Club Sandwich features clinical psychologists instead of life coaches, GPs instead of gratitude journals, and honest conversations about the relief-guilt paradox nobody else will touch.
Episodes include: 🔧 This Week's Hack - Actionable strategy you can use today 💌 Listener Letter - Real questions from Clubbers like you 🔥 Hot Mess Moments - Stories that make you feel less alone
🛠️ What We're Using - Resources and tools that actually help
Meet the regular Clubbers:
Melissa Reader - CEO of Vera aged care platform (vera.guide) and expert on Australia's ageing crisis and system failures.
Dr. Jo Lamble - Clinical psychologist specializing in guilt, family dynamics, and the impossible decisions when every option has a cost.
Dr. Ginny Mansberg - GP and women's health advocate who tells it straight about what caregiving does to your body.
Dr. Stephanie Ward - Geriatrician and consulting expert for ABC's Old People's Home for 4 Year Olds, helping you understand when "old" becomes a crisis&mdash;and when it doesn't.
Kerry Milligan - Gogglebox Australia star bringing humor, honesty, and hard-won perspective to impossible family situations.
No bubble baths. No bullshit. Just expert-led, community-first support for people who don't need another thing to feel bad about not doing.
Club Sandwich is more than a podcast - it's a movement. Join our private Facebook community, attend live events across Australia, and access free downloadable resources with every episode.
New episodes every Thursday.
Visit <a href="https://clubsandwich.community/">clubsandwich.community</a> to join the tribe.
Topics covered: Caregiver guilt, sibling conflict, dementia care, financial planning, legal issues, family boundaries, burnout prevention, end-of-life decisions, self-care that actually works, navigating aged care systems, and the emotional toll of caring for ageing parents.
Credits
Club Sandwich is brought to you by <a href="https://vera.guide/">Vera</a>, helping families caring for ageing parents navigate this stage of life &mdash; so you don't have to do it alone.
Sarah Macdonald - Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader - Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Rachel Fountain - Executive Producer
Audio + video edits by <a href="https://www.fountainmediagroup.com.au/">Fountain Media Group</a>
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our awesome theme music Club Sandwich - hear more from Sean at&nbsp;<a href="https://www.seanwayland.com/">seanwayland.com</a>

The community for maxed-out midlifers caring for ageing parents and everything else. Hosted by Sarah Macdonald. Clinical psychologists instead of life coaches. Real support instead of wellness BS. You've got them. We've got you.

Club Sandwich

At 21, Teun Toebes moved into the locked dementia ward of a nursing home and stayed three and a half years. Sarah Macdonald meets Club Sandwich's youngest ever guest on his first day in Australia to talk about what living alongside 130 housemates with dementia taught him: that we don't lack beds or money, we lack humanity. It's practical, hopeful and quietly radical, and it will change the way you visit.