How does $7,000 and some new grandparents sound? It can all be yours if you move to Greenburg! Or maybe it’s Greensburg. I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere in Indiana. *Police are worried about a surge in attacks against women at nightclubs involving syringes filled with date rape drugs. *Doomscrolling! Brian Laundrie’s parents finally hand (what’s left of) their son over to police. Mix and match your vaccine boosters! Vaccine boosters are here! Paris Hilton is trying to expose and end the abuse of children in boarding schools and behavior boot camps. *If your ex sent you a nude right now, what would you do? *Everyone on the show is supposed to confess one previously undisclosed secret today. Slim ends up being the only one. *Ten things required for true love. *Could this end up being the weekend Jeriney’s mom starts to get along with Jeriney’s boyfriend? *Nick Wright is on the show!! He’d like to promote his new business and give us an NFL preview for the weekend. *I gotta go! My Uber’s here! Have a great day and please say hi on Twitter and Instagram @churchoflazlo -Everybody Wang Chung!!