It's Monday and we've got a new virus for everyone to worry about! People have mixed feelings about Joel Osteen allegedly owning a Ferrari but we seem to be on the same page about his PPP loans. *Even if your parents weren't the type to complain, I'm sure the embarrassed you at least once with a, "Can I speak to your manager?" moment. *Doomscrolling!! Bezos is ready to blast off! Rent is too damn high. The Olympics are already a mess. Stealing candles is bad enough but using bear repellant on the Bed Bad & Bodyworks staff is gonna get you in real trouble. *Hide your kids, hide your cookies, and don't you dare touch that Nutty Bar! Those are for your father's lunch! *Is it possible to hit on someone in public without being creepy in 2021? A few people actually say yes! *Why are we having fantasies about pop stars and ball players from the 80's and 90's? *Am I the a** hole for getting annoyed by this? *Lazlo wants to cancel a date she doesn't drink. Slimfast says Lazlo is just gonna end up texting around 10pm anyway. *Thanks for hanging out! Don't forget to follow us on socials @churchoflazlo and check out lazlo.church if you get a second. -Everybody Wang Chung!!!