Yo! It's Friday and we're kicking things off with a poem. Slimfast wants to get everyone's thoughts on this hot guy who's been hitting on his friend. *Storytime! If you've got a story request, just swing by our subreddit (r/churchoflazlo) and add it to the list. Lazlo was the luckiest guy to ever drive around without a license. *Doomscrolling!! Elon Musk prefers to pay people in horses rather than setting up a Venmo account or driving to the atm. Your future car might be DUI proof. The 911 dispatcher in Buffalo has been put on leave. This is all a simulation. *Most people think of ghosting as something that happens on Tinder but who says you can't ghost your spouse? *A music teacher replaces another music teacher who was fired for inappropriate sexual contact with students but the new teacher goes and does the same thing. *Quit shopping on your phone in bed. It's costing you a fortune. *Do women just not care about hot guys?! Is that what you're trying to tell me?? Quit being ridiculous! *That's a wrap! Julia could really use some theme party recommendations if you get a minute this weekend. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram @churchoflazlo and check out www.lazlo.church  See you Monday! -Everybody Wang Chung!!!