There have been years, maybe two years in the eleven that I haven't posted my mom for December ninth, the day of my mom's passing, and I would get grabbed for it. I was at some award shows where I sang for my mom and I saw in a comment they were like, Oh, is she just like always going to do this for her mom? I was like, what, that is so ridiculous. In the Latin culture, you have to respect the first month or months and don't listen to music, and I get that. My thing is, however, you want to grieve, no one should judge you for that. What up, guys, Welcome to another episode of Chee's and Chill. Today actually marks the last Cheeze and Chill episode of the season, and then we'll be back in early twenty twenty four, so don't be too sad you guys. Thank you so much for coming along with me on this journey. I've had so many great moments and wonderful discussions here on my pot and I hope you'll join me for another season. So with that being said, today this episode is going to be a solo episode. I want to talk to you about the pressures of grieving publicly. If you've lost someone, you probably know what I'm talking about. There's this pressure to feel a certain way or act a certain way, and I want to talk about that just a little bit more. So let's get into it. This is Cheeky's and chill. Okay, So some of you might already know this, but Saturday marked the eleventh anniversary of my mom. January Vera is passing eleven freaking years. You guys, I swear, I'm like, how when how did I get here? You know what I mean? Like, I'm like eleven years already, and there are times when it feels like forever, and then most of the time it feels like it was just yesterday. It's the craziest thing because when I sit there and think everything that I've gone through and that I've had to deal with or face without my mom, it trips me out still to this day. And I think that day, December ninth, the day of my mom's passing, is more to be with my siblings more than anything. And there are years, there has been year should I say where Mikey, my brother, or even Jenica. Some of us just want to be alone, don't necessarily want to be together. They want to do their own thing, and I've had to learn to respect that because in the beginning years, we had this thing of like, let's all be together and we you know, and I wanted to remove that pressure because we already have so much pressure I feel publicly with my mom's passing. And this is exactly why I want to talk about this, because there have been years, maybe two years in the eleven that I haven't posted my mom for December ninth, and I would get crab for it. People would talk shit, and I'm just like, what the hell Like Now, I don't care. Now, I'm just like, if I feel it, if I wake up in the morning and I feel it on that day, I'm going to do it. Times that i'll feel it later in the day. There are times that I'll feel it at three o'clock in the morning December ninth, and I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna post it. And there are times where I'm like, you know what, I just want to deal with this on my own and not feel the pressure of like what I have to write or what picture I'm going to choose, or trying to please everyone else. Like I really go based off of my feelings and what feels right to me. I love to be true to myself in that way and removing the exterior comments and judgment that sometimes we feel. And that's what I want to do with my siblings, because when we were closer to my extended family before it was a thing, it was like, Okay, that's we're gonna do something super big and special, and it was just it became like a lot. It became like something that we had to do publicly for other people versus just something that we don't even know how we're going to feel that day, you know, and especially in the beginning years twenty thirteen, twenty fourteen, twenty fifteen, like I felt personally, and I speak for myself. My siblings have mentioned certain things, but I don't want to speak for them, but I'm going to tell you how I felt. I felt like I couldn't be happy on December night, Like I could not smile, Like I had to be on social media and be sad. I had to just be sad, even if I wasn't necessarily feeling sad. I mean, obviously I woke up and I'm like, damn, today was the day A year ago, two years ago, three years ago that my mom passed, and of course it would hurt, but it was like someone says something funny and I would laugh, and then I'm like, oh my god, I shouldn't be laughing. I shouldn't be listening to music. I should be crying. Why why am I not crying? I would ask myself that, and then I'm like, you know what, why do I feel this way? And I started realizing that it was because of other people's pressure that I was allowing to affect me. Until I said, if this this is my mom, and if I feel like posting her on August second, let's say, then that's okay. If I feel like dedicating her another song, why not because just the other day. And the reason I'm saying that this is because I was at some award shows the Latin billboards where I sing and had a Noma nah for for my mom, and you know, it was Kali and Los Rastianez and I saw in a comment somewhere. There were all beautiful comments, thank goodness, but there was that one comment that I came across that usually I ignore, but they were like, oh, is she just like always going to do this for her mom? Like she just always my mom. She's always doing tributes for her mom. I was like, I almost responded, and I was like, bitch, what that is so ridiculous for someone to even say, Like even if my mom wasn't a famous person and I was still a singer and my mom wasn't I have the right to sing my mom a song every single day of my life if I wanted to. If I want to have a tribute an altar, and I don't I want to post I want to talk about my mom. That is my business and it is my right, and that is my mom and I can do as I please. I was just more dumbfounded by this person, like how what that is such a ridiculous thing to say that. I'm like, why wouldn't I? Why would I not? Especially because my mom is a famous person, I could and I should, and it's my right, it's my you know what I mean. Like it just really bothered me. So anyways, that's why I was talking about that, and this year I wanted to post something happier, just because so much has happened. I'm so grateful for what's happened in my life and that I'm in a good place right now. To be honest, and yes, I miss my mother. Of course I miss my mother, But it went from grieving her death to celebrating her freedom. And I know that sounds weird, but it's she graduated to a much better, a peaceful life, eternal life. She's not here having to deal with certain things. And I'm happy for her because she would be so disappointed, you guys, to see certain people that she loved and that I'm sure love her, but something changed throughout the years. I don't know, to see some of the shit that they're doing and saying is so disappointing. Like I always say, I'm like, damn, if my mom was here, oh my goodness, she would put these mobuckles in their place, you know. So it's like, I'm happy for her. She's not dealing with all this. She's in peace, she's resting. So I went from oh my god, I miss my mom and yes, cause I do. I miss her. There are times where I randomly am driving and I'm just like, oh my gosh, I cannot believe I don't have my mom here. Like it's a trip. I can't even explain it, but it just comes to me out of nowhere, and it's happened to me a handful of times where I'm like, oh my god, I get like a little anxiety attack and I'm like, oh shit, like my mom's not here, Like this really happened, like she passed away in an aeroplane. Like when you really think about it and you say it out loud and how things ended, it's like, what the hell, Thank you God, by your grace and your favor. I am still standing on my two feet and doing my damn thing. And I'm proud of myself for that. And I owe it to my mom because I know because she taught me, first of all, while she was here physically, to work, to be strong, to be resilient, to have courage, to be honest, to be unapologetically yourself. She taught me so many things, things that she would talk to me about, but also her actions that I'm like, I owe it to her. I owe it to God that I'm still here. And I know that now that she's not here physically, that's what she taught me physically when she was here, you know, in her body now, her spirit in heaven, I feel is helping me so much and is blessing my life and my career in so many different ways. Like I know it's her and God, Like I know she's not only helping me, but my siblings. I see it. She's given us all the strength. Like my mom really raised some badass children. And I say that with a lot of pride because I feel like, Okay, I also helped, But to see my siblings stand in their own and do their thing, each and every single one of them, I'm just so proud because life dealt us a pretty heavy hand, and we do our best to honor her and every way that we possibly can. And I'm glad that we all got to a point where we're really honoring ourselves as well and our feelings and not feeling the pressures of the world or media or even my mom's fans to say, oh, well, why aren't you doing this and why don't you do that. It's like, wait, Like we have the right to grieve or to celebrate my mom in any way that we want. Last year, in twenty twenty two, on December ninth, I usually have like a team Thrive party or a Christmas party celebration for my team, and last year I did it on December ninth. I said, you know what, I want to have my team. I want to have everyone that's been a part of my career this year and I'm grateful for and I'm grateful with and I'm very you know, appreciative, and my siblings all in one place and we're going to have a party and we're going to see what happens. You guys have no idea. The amount of people that were like, I cannot believe Chiki's that you're having a party on your mom's tenth year anniversary. And I was like, what, like a lot of comments and thank goodness, I don't know what's happened in the past few years where I'm just like me, I don't care what people have to say anymore, Like I really truly mean it. Sometimes I'm just like what you know it? It kind of like trips me out. But that time I was like, why not. Why can't I celebrate my mom and have a big ass party and celebrate her life, everything that she taught us, the platform that she left for me, for my siblings, for other women in the genre, for other just artists in the in the genre, even if they're men, Like my mom did so much and left her mark on earth that I can't cry every single year. I shouldn't. That's like dishonoring her. The way to honor her legacy is to celebrate the woman that she is, that she was and that she will forever be. And if I want to have abanda to celebrate her and take some shots with my civil to do that, and if I cry, then I cry. And if I'm happy, I'm happy and I'm smiling, and that's okay. Before it was okay, everyone has to wear black at a funeral. That's the way you grieve, and that's the way you show that you're sad. Now I've seen more and more people wear white. And that's what we did our entire family for my mom, because we're like, you know what, we believe in God, and we believe that she's going to heaven and we believe that she's going to a much better place. So we're going to wear white. And some people criticize then criticize that, and was like, oh my god, I can't believe they're wearing white. Are they happy that she's gone? It's like, no, it has nothing to do with that. It's just honoring the person's legacy. So I just wanted to see if any of you guys, if I feel this way, if you guys have felt that way, because in the Latin culture that you have to respect the first month or months and don't listen to music. And I get that because honestly, it all goes on how you're feeling, you know what I mean. Like my thing is, however you want to grieve, however you want to celebrate the person's life, even if they're no longer here. No one should judge you for that. Go based off what you feel in the moment, you know what I mean. But I know traditionally it's you know, no, don't go dancing, no skuches musika, don't listen to music, don't wear certain colors like don't show your happiness in any way. And I don't know if I necessarily agree with that. When my mom passed, it was such a big passing that I obviously was. It was really really hard, so there were certain things that didn't feel right, just I didn't feel like it was natural or whatever. But now as the years have gone by, I see it differently. I see it like I'm explaining to you guys, she has graduated, and not just say it, but really really mean it and really feel it and visualize her in a happy place, and that makes me happy. That gives me peace to know that, Okay, wherever she is, she's in peace, and I know she's okay with me smiling and being happy and being grateful, you know, for everything that has happened. There's nothing wrong with that. And I've I've sat after I've read certain comments, especially the ones having to do with with my mom and her passing and stuff, and I wonder, I'm like, I wonder if they've ever lost anyone, I mean, or why do they feel they have the right to judge me. I think, you know what, maybe they haven't lost anyone, and that's good. I hope, I hope they don't. I hope they don't ever feel that pain. And now that it's been eleven years, you know, I'm telling you, it's it's it's different every single day, it's different every single year. But I just I don't appreciate those type of comments because unless you've been through something like this, losing someone, then I feel like you have no right to judge, you know what I mean. Everyone's entitled to an opinion, but with something like this, it's just like dude, like, just be quiet, you know what I mean, Like, don't if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all. Like I just don't understand people that sit there and write negative things, Like I just don't get it. Honestly, I would never go on someone's page and write something negative unless it's something that I don't agree with, you know what I mean, that's something I don't know, something crazy, Like for instance, when I saw someone post a video of Nipsey Hustle like being shot and killed and he was lying on the floor, like, I'm like, why would you post this video? I did say that. I commented, I'm like, why would you post this? Like he has children, he has a wife, he had Like this is not okay, this is not okay. I don't know. I would never want someone posting like something like that about my mom or stuff that happened the day or just because people did post that and I was horrible to see and I just I remember how I felt so when they did that and I saw Nipsey Hustle, you know, like, I was like, this is not cool. So I followed that person and it wasn't necessarily a negative comment. It was just like, dude, this isn't good. Like I'm unfollowing you, this isn't cool. So now that the years have gone by and I've matured, now I do as I please, and not in a messed up way or in a disrespectful way, not at all. But now I'm like, I choose to see and to celebrate my mom for everything that she was and that she still is in my life and all the lessons that she taught me and the beautiful memories that we had together. There are so many, you guys, there's so many. For instance, I miss so much. And this is when I was a lot younger. I was like ten, twelve, even fourteen. My mom had this thing that she would drive my sister and I and her sister and I would work at this Marisco place selling CDs, and after she would pick us up or whatnot. If we sold a lot, like, we would celebrate the whole thing, and she would like, okay, you guys, here's the red light. We'd be in the car right She's like, there's a red light, and she's like, get off and dance. So we would as soon as we hit the red light, no matter if there were a bunch of cars or no cars, Like she would make us go out and dance and jump in the car right before or right when the light turned green, and like stuff like that that I feel like, I wish people would just see the human side of her and how many beautiful things and funny things and crazy shit that she would make us do. I mean even like we would go like people's houses, you guys, Like, obviously that's super frowned upon today, but like there was someone that would be messing with her, or you know, something something going on, whatever it may be, and she would say, okay, grab a carton eggs. She would take us to the liquor store, get a curtain of eggs, and go just bomb these people's houses and cars, you guys. I think about it, I'm like, oh my god, my mom would not get away with half of the stuff that she would say and she would do, or we would do because she would make us do it, or like hey, you know, like come on, let's just do this, and we just wanted to make her happy and it was fun. I'm not gonna lie, but it wouldn't fly nowadays, it just wouldn't fly. But we had so many beautiful memories and I choose to say, you know what, instead of being sad, instead of thinking of the things that happen and where maybe she fell short, you know, because she wasn't a perfect mother, And that's okay, Like I'm okay with like I have forgiven her for certain things my siblings and I, but more than anything, she was a mother that did her best that even though she was a single mother, and sometimes I didn't even know that she couldn't make ends meet, but we didn't know that there was always food on our table, you know, like we made it happen. She made it happen in any way that she possibly could. And I'm so grateful, and now that's what it is. I'm just grateful and with her with everything she taught me, whether it was a hard lesson or not, for my siblings, for just so much, you guys, and like I said, so much, so many doors that she has helped me open from heaven. And I know it's her and I know it sounds crazy, but she speaks to me, you guys, through music, and it's happened to me a handful of times where I'm sad and I'm thinking about her, and I swear to you my car, or like I'm listening to Pandora or some type of music app and a song comes on and I swear to you, it's like, I feel like that's how she next with me. It's it's crazy. It's just I know she's here, and I know she has shown me in so many ways that she is here with me, and not to be sad. If I feel like crying, it's okay to cry, let it out, cleanse your soul. Crying is good to cleanse your soul. You guys, but they don't want us. Our loved ones that have passed, don't want us to sit here and keep crying for them and missing them. They want us to move on and to be happy and to live our life and to honor them in that way. And even my mom's song Kuna Mom, she states it that she wants her kids to sit there with their head held high and show the world the kids that she raised. And that's what we're doing. And if some people don't agree with that, that's okay. And if some people don't agree with the way you want to grieve for your loved one that passed, who cares what people say? Get you grieve the way that you feel is best in however it is that you want to grieve the person. But also I will tell you because you know, there are seven stages you guys, in the grieving process. Don't get stuck in one for too long. I understand being sad. I get all of that, you guys, And this is for someone that has lost someone recently. Allow yourself to go through these stages, okay, which are shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression and acceptance. And believe me, it was tough because my mom and I, as you guys some of you may know, we weren't on the best terms when she passed. So I was very angry for a while. But that did me no good. It was a disservice actually, So through therapy, through reading books, through church, through my faith, through my siblings, because they helped me out a lot, and understanding that God has a plan and really trusting that it helped me remove the anger, accept the pain, endure the pain, embrace the pain, and also let it go. You have to know when to let it go and just say, if I keep holding onto this, I'm not letting this person rest. I'm not letting myself rest. I'm not allowing myself to grow because resentment, pain, guilt, holding onto all that stuff, you guys, does you no good. If anything, it keeps you from becoming your best self. But allow yourself to go through because you're going to. It's inevitable to not go through these when you've lost someone. But always maintain your faith and always think of them for the good things, even if there were bad things, because there's none of us, none of us are perfect. But always do your best to honor the person and think of the positive things and the beautiful things that you lived with them, and that will also help you not get over it, because it's honestly, it's a wound that will never be completely healed. It becomes a scar, and it's a scar that you live with and that you're like, Okay, thank goodness, is no longer an open wound. It's a scar that helps me remember this person. But if you keep picking at that wound, it's never gonna heal. You get me, So it's like, it'll also help you heal by thinking of all those beautiful things that you live with the person. That's my piece of advice. I know every situation is different, but don't stay stuck too long in the pain and in the guilt or losing the person. Like God has a plan. And I know when you're in the thick of things and the thick of it, it's so hard to see it. Believe me, I have been there, I know, but I thank God that I'm no longer there because it was. It made me tired, It made me look old, it made me feel old, It made me sick, It made me gain weight, so many things. It was so much toxicity that I was keeping in my body, even having that bot tos s heat, that mindset, remember that botas heat, that mindset attitude that we were talking about on a few episodes back, that I was going through that like, oh my god, I can't believe this happened to me. H my goodness, like blaming everyone else and instead of looking within myself and saying, okay, wait, what could I have done differently? Okay? Cool? What am I going to learn from this? Like I was really like poor me the whole thing, Like I can't believe this, this is my life and how it was left. And I was mad at my mom and it was just not cute. You guys, so it's like you got to shake that shit off and just see the person for what they were and the light that they were and will continue to be if you allow them to be in your life. So now it's like I have an angel in heaven watching over me, and I feel like she's not here physically, but she's here with me, and she's helping me more than she could have helped me if she was here physically. Does that make sense? So, you guys, I just felt in my heart that I wanted to talk a little bit about this, about grieving and how we all react different to it, especially since I had read that comment underneath my performance from the Latin bill Boards. And I hope that in some way it helps you and it touches your heart and allows you to just feel whatever it is that you're feeling and not letting anyone else affect that. I hope that you enjoyed this episode. It makes me sad but also very excited that, well, thanks to you guys, we have had two seasons of Chickens and Chill. So it makes me sad because we're ending one season, but you guys are coming with me on the next season because we're gonna have a third season of Cheekis and Chill, so I'm just excited. Thank you guys for being with me again. I know I said it on the top of the episode, but still, thank you guys. I love you guys so much. I'm so grateful. You have no idea. Thank you for listening. And it just makes me feel good that I'm able to use this platform to help to inspire, to empower in any way. It also helps me. It's a note to myself. It reminds me of things that I have to do myself, you know, because life just gets crazy sometimes and you fall back and you're like, wait a second. So it helps me stay accountable. So thank you guys for allowing me to express myself here and talk about so many different things. I love you, guys, And before I go, you know that I always have a motivational quote for you. The quote for today is when we lose someone we love, we must learn not to live without them, but to live with the love they left behind. And that's what it is. That's exactly what we talked about. So you guys, I love you. Thank you so much. I can't say it enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you. I love you with all my heart. I'm sending you all a big hug. Please have a safe new Year. Wherever you're at, where you're seatbuilt, don't drink and drive, have fun, look sexy, put on your car. That's for love. And then if you wear your little yellow underwear, it's for abundance. Light your candle, saved your house, the whole thing. You guys, have a beautiful new year. I'm wishing you all a wonderful, beautiful, amazing, prosperous, healing, you know, successful new Year twenty twenty four. I love you, guys, and I'll see you on the next one. Okay, twenty twenty four. Chickens and Chill Season three, what's up? I love you bestos do you need advice on love, relationship, health emails. I'm so excited to share with you that my Cheeky's and Chill podcast will have an extra episode drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just leave me a voice message first nine Monday. All you have to do is go to speak pipe dot com slash Cheeky's and Chill podcast and record your questions. I can't wait to hear from you. This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Micaeldura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at michael Gura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i q u i s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast, and check us out on YouTube

There have been years, maybe two years in the eleven that I haven't posted my mom for December ninth, the day of my mom's passing, and I would get grabbed for it. I was at some award shows where I sang for my mom and I saw in a comment they were like, Oh, is she just like always going to do this for her mom? I was like, what, that is so ridiculous. In the Latin culture, you have to respect the first month or months and don't listen to music, and I get that. My thing is, however, you want to grieve, no one should judge you for that. What up, guys, Welcome to another episode of Chee's and Chill. Today actually marks the last Cheeze and Chill episode of the season, and then we'll be back in early twenty twenty four, so don't be too sad you guys. Thank you so much for coming along with me on this journey. I've had so many great moments and wonderful discussions here on my pot and I hope you'll join me for another season. So with that being said, today this episode is going to be a solo episode. I want to talk to you about the pressures of grieving publicly. If you've lost someone, you probably know what I'm talking about. There's this pressure to feel a certain way or act a certain way, and I want to talk about that just a little bit more. So let's get into it. This is Cheeky's and chill. Okay, So some of you might already know this, but Saturday marked the eleventh anniversary of my mom. January Vera is passing eleven freaking years. You guys, I swear, I'm like, how when how did I get here? You know what I mean? Like, I'm like eleven years already, and there are times when it feels like forever, and then most of the time it feels like it was just yesterday. It's the craziest thing because when I sit there and think everything that I've gone through and that I've had to deal with or face without my mom, it trips me out still to this day. And I think that day, December ninth, the day of my mom's passing, is more to be with my siblings more than anything. And there are years, there has been year should I say where Mikey, my brother, or even Jenica. Some of us just want to be alone, don't necessarily want to be together. They want to do their own thing, and I've had to learn to respect that because in the beginning years, we had this thing of like, let's all be together and we you know, and I wanted to remove that pressure because we already have so much pressure I feel publicly with my mom's passing. And this is exactly why I want to talk about this, because there have been years, maybe two years in the eleven that I haven't posted my mom for December ninth, and I would get crab for it. People would talk shit, and I'm just like, what the hell Like Now, I don't care. Now, I'm just like, if I feel it, if I wake up in the morning and I feel it on that day, I'm going to do it. Times that i'll feel it later in the day. There are times that I'll feel it at three o'clock in the morning December ninth, and I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna post it. And there are times where I'm like, you know what, I just want to deal with this on my own and not feel the pressure of like what I have to write or what picture I'm going to choose, or trying to please everyone else. Like I really go based off of my feelings and what feels right to me. I love to be true to myself in that way and removing the exterior comments and judgment that sometimes we feel. And that's what I want to do with my siblings, because when we were closer to my extended family before it was a thing, it was like, Okay, that's we're gonna do something super big and special, and it was just it became like a lot. It became like something that we had to do publicly for other people versus just something that we don't even know how we're going to feel that day, you know, and especially in the beginning years twenty thirteen, twenty fourteen, twenty fifteen, like I felt personally, and I speak for myself. My siblings have mentioned certain things, but I don't want to speak for them, but I'm going to tell you how I felt. I felt like I couldn't be happy on December night, Like I could not smile, Like I had to be on social media and be sad. I had to just be sad, even if I wasn't necessarily feeling sad. I mean, obviously I woke up and I'm like, damn, today was the day A year ago, two years ago, three years ago that my mom passed, and of course it would hurt, but it was like someone says something funny and I would laugh, and then I'm like, oh my god, I shouldn't be laughing. I shouldn't be listening to music. I should be crying. Why why am I not crying? I would ask myself that, and then I'm like, you know what, why do I feel this way? And I started realizing that it was because of other people's pressure that I was allowing to affect me. Until I said, if this this is my mom, and if I feel like posting her on August second, let's say, then that's okay. If I feel like dedicating her another song, why not because just the other day. And the reason I'm saying that this is because I was at some award shows the Latin billboards where I sing and had a Noma nah for for my mom, and you know, it was Kali and Los Rastianez and I saw in a comment somewhere. There were all beautiful comments, thank goodness, but there was that one comment that I came across that usually I ignore, but they were like, oh, is she just like always going to do this for her mom? Like she just always my mom. She's always doing tributes for her mom. I was like, I almost responded, and I was like, bitch, what that is so ridiculous for someone to even say, Like even if my mom wasn't a famous person and I was still a singer and my mom wasn't I have the right to sing my mom a song every single day of my life if I wanted to. If I want to have a tribute an altar, and I don't I want to post I want to talk about my mom. That is my business and it is my right, and that is my mom and I can do as I please. I was just more dumbfounded by this person, like how what that is such a ridiculous thing to say that. I'm like, why wouldn't I? Why would I not? Especially because my mom is a famous person, I could and I should, and it's my right, it's my you know what I mean. Like it just really bothered me. So anyways, that's why I was talking about that, and this year I wanted to post something happier, just because so much has happened. I'm so grateful for what's happened in my life and that I'm in a good place right now. To be honest, and yes, I miss my mother. Of course I miss my mother, But it went from grieving her death to celebrating her freedom. And I know that sounds weird, but it's she graduated to a much better, a peaceful life, eternal life. She's not here having to deal with certain things. And I'm happy for her because she would be so disappointed, you guys, to see certain people that she loved and that I'm sure love her, but something changed throughout the years. I don't know, to see some of the shit that they're doing and saying is so disappointing. Like I always say, I'm like, damn, if my mom was here, oh my goodness, she would put these mobuckles in their place, you know. So it's like, I'm happy for her. She's not dealing with all this. She's in peace, she's resting. So I went from oh my god, I miss my mom and yes, cause I do. I miss her. There are times where I randomly am driving and I'm just like, oh my gosh, I cannot believe I don't have my mom here. Like it's a trip. I can't even explain it, but it just comes to me out of nowhere, and it's happened to me a handful of times where I'm like, oh my god, I get like a little anxiety attack and I'm like, oh shit, like my mom's not here, Like this really happened, like she passed away in an aeroplane. Like when you really think about it and you say it out loud and how things ended, it's like, what the hell, Thank you God, by your grace and your favor. I am still standing on my two feet and doing my damn thing. And I'm proud of myself for that. And I owe it to my mom because I know because she taught me, first of all, while she was here physically, to work, to be strong, to be resilient, to have courage, to be honest, to be unapologetically yourself. She taught me so many things, things that she would talk to me about, but also her actions that I'm like, I owe it to her. I owe it to God that I'm still here. And I know that now that she's not here physically, that's what she taught me physically when she was here, you know, in her body now, her spirit in heaven, I feel is helping me so much and is blessing my life and my career in so many different ways. Like I know it's her and God, Like I know she's not only helping me, but my siblings. I see it. She's given us all the strength. Like my mom really raised some badass children. And I say that with a lot of pride because I feel like, Okay, I also helped, But to see my siblings stand in their own and do their thing, each and every single one of them, I'm just so proud because life dealt us a pretty heavy hand, and we do our best to honor her and every way that we possibly can. And I'm glad that we all got to a point where we're really honoring ourselves as well and our feelings and not feeling the pressures of the world or media or even my mom's fans to say, oh, well, why aren't you doing this and why don't you do that. It's like, wait, Like we have the right to grieve or to celebrate my mom in any way that we want. Last year, in twenty twenty two, on December ninth, I usually have like a team Thrive party or a Christmas party celebration for my team, and last year I did it on December ninth. I said, you know what, I want to have my team. I want to have everyone that's been a part of my career this year and I'm grateful for and I'm grateful with and I'm very you know, appreciative, and my siblings all in one place and we're going to have a party and we're going to see what happens. You guys have no idea. The amount of people that were like, I cannot believe Chiki's that you're having a party on your mom's tenth year anniversary. And I was like, what, like a lot of comments and thank goodness, I don't know what's happened in the past few years where I'm just like me, I don't care what people have to say anymore, Like I really truly mean it. Sometimes I'm just like what you know it? It kind of like trips me out. But that time I was like, why not. Why can't I celebrate my mom and have a big ass party and celebrate her life, everything that she taught us, the platform that she left for me, for my siblings, for other women in the genre, for other just artists in the in the genre, even if they're men, Like my mom did so much and left her mark on earth that I can't cry every single year. I shouldn't. That's like dishonoring her. The way to honor her legacy is to celebrate the woman that she is, that she was and that she will forever be. And if I want to have abanda to celebrate her and take some shots with my civil to do that, and if I cry, then I cry. And if I'm happy, I'm happy and I'm smiling, and that's okay. Before it was okay, everyone has to wear black at a funeral. That's the way you grieve, and that's the way you show that you're sad. Now I've seen more and more people wear white. And that's what we did our entire family for my mom, because we're like, you know what, we believe in God, and we believe that she's going to heaven and we believe that she's going to a much better place. So we're going to wear white. And some people criticize then criticize that, and was like, oh my god, I can't believe they're wearing white. Are they happy that she's gone? It's like, no, it has nothing to do with that. It's just honoring the person's legacy. So I just wanted to see if any of you guys, if I feel this way, if you guys have felt that way, because in the Latin culture that you have to respect the first month or months and don't listen to music. And I get that because honestly, it all goes on how you're feeling, you know what I mean. Like my thing is, however you want to grieve, however you want to celebrate the person's life, even if they're no longer here. No one should judge you for that. Go based off what you feel in the moment, you know what I mean. But I know traditionally it's you know, no, don't go dancing, no skuches musika, don't listen to music, don't wear certain colors like don't show your happiness in any way. And I don't know if I necessarily agree with that. When my mom passed, it was such a big passing that I obviously was. It was really really hard, so there were certain things that didn't feel right, just I didn't feel like it was natural or whatever. But now as the years have gone by, I see it differently. I see it like I'm explaining to you guys, she has graduated, and not just say it, but really really mean it and really feel it and visualize her in a happy place, and that makes me happy. That gives me peace to know that, Okay, wherever she is, she's in peace, and I know she's okay with me smiling and being happy and being grateful, you know, for everything that has happened. There's nothing wrong with that. And I've I've sat after I've read certain comments, especially the ones having to do with with my mom and her passing and stuff, and I wonder, I'm like, I wonder if they've ever lost anyone, I mean, or why do they feel they have the right to judge me. I think, you know what, maybe they haven't lost anyone, and that's good. I hope, I hope they don't. I hope they don't ever feel that pain. And now that it's been eleven years, you know, I'm telling you, it's it's it's different every single day, it's different every single year. But I just I don't appreciate those type of comments because unless you've been through something like this, losing someone, then I feel like you have no right to judge, you know what I mean. Everyone's entitled to an opinion, but with something like this, it's just like dude, like, just be quiet, you know what I mean, Like, don't if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all. Like I just don't understand people that sit there and write negative things, Like I just don't get it. Honestly, I would never go on someone's page and write something negative unless it's something that I don't agree with, you know what I mean, that's something I don't know, something crazy, Like for instance, when I saw someone post a video of Nipsey Hustle like being shot and killed and he was lying on the floor, like, I'm like, why would you post this video? I did say that. I commented, I'm like, why would you post this? Like he has children, he has a wife, he had Like this is not okay, this is not okay. I don't know. I would never want someone posting like something like that about my mom or stuff that happened the day or just because people did post that and I was horrible to see and I just I remember how I felt so when they did that and I saw Nipsey Hustle, you know, like, I was like, this is not cool. So I followed that person and it wasn't necessarily a negative comment. It was just like, dude, this isn't good. Like I'm unfollowing you, this isn't cool. So now that the years have gone by and I've matured, now I do as I please, and not in a messed up way or in a disrespectful way, not at all. But now I'm like, I choose to see and to celebrate my mom for everything that she was and that she still is in my life and all the lessons that she taught me and the beautiful memories that we had together. There are so many, you guys, there's so many. For instance, I miss so much. And this is when I was a lot younger. I was like ten, twelve, even fourteen. My mom had this thing that she would drive my sister and I and her sister and I would work at this Marisco place selling CDs, and after she would pick us up or whatnot. If we sold a lot, like, we would celebrate the whole thing, and she would like, okay, you guys, here's the red light. We'd be in the car right She's like, there's a red light, and she's like, get off and dance. So we would as soon as we hit the red light, no matter if there were a bunch of cars or no cars, Like she would make us go out and dance and jump in the car right before or right when the light turned green, and like stuff like that that I feel like, I wish people would just see the human side of her and how many beautiful things and funny things and crazy shit that she would make us do. I mean even like we would go like people's houses, you guys, Like, obviously that's super frowned upon today, but like there was someone that would be messing with her, or you know, something something going on, whatever it may be, and she would say, okay, grab a carton eggs. She would take us to the liquor store, get a curtain of eggs, and go just bomb these people's houses and cars, you guys. I think about it, I'm like, oh my god, my mom would not get away with half of the stuff that she would say and she would do, or we would do because she would make us do it, or like hey, you know, like come on, let's just do this, and we just wanted to make her happy and it was fun. I'm not gonna lie, but it wouldn't fly nowadays, it just wouldn't fly. But we had so many beautiful memories and I choose to say, you know what, instead of being sad, instead of thinking of the things that happen and where maybe she fell short, you know, because she wasn't a perfect mother, And that's okay, Like I'm okay with like I have forgiven her for certain things my siblings and I, but more than anything, she was a mother that did her best that even though she was a single mother, and sometimes I didn't even know that she couldn't make ends meet, but we didn't know that there was always food on our table, you know, like we made it happen. She made it happen in any way that she possibly could. And I'm so grateful, and now that's what it is. I'm just grateful and with her with everything she taught me, whether it was a hard lesson or not, for my siblings, for just so much, you guys, and like I said, so much, so many doors that she has helped me open from heaven. And I know it's her and I know it sounds crazy, but she speaks to me, you guys, through music, and it's happened to me a handful of times where I'm sad and I'm thinking about her, and I swear to you my car, or like I'm listening to Pandora or some type of music app and a song comes on and I swear to you, it's like, I feel like that's how she next with me. It's it's crazy. It's just I know she's here, and I know she has shown me in so many ways that she is here with me, and not to be sad. If I feel like crying, it's okay to cry, let it out, cleanse your soul. Crying is good to cleanse your soul. You guys, but they don't want us. Our loved ones that have passed, don't want us to sit here and keep crying for them and missing them. They want us to move on and to be happy and to live our life and to honor them in that way. And even my mom's song Kuna Mom, she states it that she wants her kids to sit there with their head held high and show the world the kids that she raised. And that's what we're doing. And if some people don't agree with that, that's okay. And if some people don't agree with the way you want to grieve for your loved one that passed, who cares what people say? Get you grieve the way that you feel is best in however it is that you want to grieve the person. But also I will tell you because you know, there are seven stages you guys, in the grieving process. Don't get stuck in one for too long. I understand being sad. I get all of that, you guys, And this is for someone that has lost someone recently. Allow yourself to go through these stages, okay, which are shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression and acceptance. And believe me, it was tough because my mom and I, as you guys some of you may know, we weren't on the best terms when she passed. So I was very angry for a while. But that did me no good. It was a disservice actually, So through therapy, through reading books, through church, through my faith, through my siblings, because they helped me out a lot, and understanding that God has a plan and really trusting that it helped me remove the anger, accept the pain, endure the pain, embrace the pain, and also let it go. You have to know when to let it go and just say, if I keep holding onto this, I'm not letting this person rest. I'm not letting myself rest. I'm not allowing myself to grow because resentment, pain, guilt, holding onto all that stuff, you guys, does you no good. If anything, it keeps you from becoming your best self. But allow yourself to go through because you're going to. It's inevitable to not go through these when you've lost someone. But always maintain your faith and always think of them for the good things, even if there were bad things, because there's none of us, none of us are perfect. But always do your best to honor the person and think of the positive things and the beautiful things that you lived with them, and that will also help you not get over it, because it's honestly, it's a wound that will never be completely healed. It becomes a scar, and it's a scar that you live with and that you're like, Okay, thank goodness, is no longer an open wound. It's a scar that helps me remember this person. But if you keep picking at that wound, it's never gonna heal. You get me, So it's like, it'll also help you heal by thinking of all those beautiful things that you live with the person. That's my piece of advice. I know every situation is different, but don't stay stuck too long in the pain and in the guilt or losing the person. Like God has a plan. And I know when you're in the thick of things and the thick of it, it's so hard to see it. Believe me, I have been there, I know, but I thank God that I'm no longer there because it was. It made me tired, It made me look old, it made me feel old, It made me sick, It made me gain weight, so many things. It was so much toxicity that I was keeping in my body, even having that bot tos s heat, that mindset, remember that botas heat, that mindset attitude that we were talking about on a few episodes back, that I was going through that like, oh my god, I can't believe this happened to me. H my goodness, like blaming everyone else and instead of looking within myself and saying, okay, wait, what could I have done differently? Okay? Cool? What am I going to learn from this? Like I was really like poor me the whole thing, Like I can't believe this, this is my life and how it was left. And I was mad at my mom and it was just not cute. You guys, so it's like you got to shake that shit off and just see the person for what they were and the light that they were and will continue to be if you allow them to be in your life. So now it's like I have an angel in heaven watching over me, and I feel like she's not here physically, but she's here with me, and she's helping me more than she could have helped me if she was here physically. Does that make sense? So, you guys, I just felt in my heart that I wanted to talk a little bit about this, about grieving and how we all react different to it, especially since I had read that comment underneath my performance from the Latin bill Boards. And I hope that in some way it helps you and it touches your heart and allows you to just feel whatever it is that you're feeling and not letting anyone else affect that. I hope that you enjoyed this episode. It makes me sad but also very excited that, well, thanks to you guys, we have had two seasons of Chickens and Chill. So it makes me sad because we're ending one season, but you guys are coming with me on the next season because we're gonna have a third season of Cheekis and Chill, so I'm just excited. Thank you guys for being with me again. I know I said it on the top of the episode, but still, thank you guys. I love you guys so much. I'm so grateful. You have no idea. Thank you for listening. And it just makes me feel good that I'm able to use this platform to help to inspire, to empower in any way. It also helps me. It's a note to myself. It reminds me of things that I have to do myself, you know, because life just gets crazy sometimes and you fall back and you're like, wait a second. So it helps me stay accountable. So thank you guys for allowing me to express myself here and talk about so many different things. I love you, guys, And before I go, you know that I always have a motivational quote for you. The quote for today is when we lose someone we love, we must learn not to live without them, but to live with the love they left behind. And that's what it is. That's exactly what we talked about. So you guys, I love you. Thank you so much. I can't say it enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you. I love you with all my heart. I'm sending you all a big hug. Please have a safe new Year. Wherever you're at, where you're seatbuilt, don't drink and drive, have fun, look sexy, put on your car. That's for love. And then if you wear your little yellow underwear, it's for abundance. Light your candle, saved your house, the whole thing. You guys, have a beautiful new year. I'm wishing you all a wonderful, beautiful, amazing, prosperous, healing, you know, successful new Year twenty twenty four. I love you, guys, and I'll see you on the next one. Okay, twenty twenty four. Chickens and Chill Season three, what's up? I love you bestos do you need advice on love, relationship, health emails. I'm so excited to share with you that my Cheeky's and Chill podcast will have an extra episode drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just leave me a voice message first nine Monday. All you have to do is go to speak pipe dot com slash Cheeky's and Chill podcast and record your questions. I can't wait to hear from you. This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Micaeldura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at michael Gura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i q u i s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast, and check us out on YouTube