Celebrity Book Club with Steven & LilyI was rooting for you!! We were ALL rooting for you!!! This week we read Jay Manuel's "novel"/self-insertion fan fiction about what it was like to work on America’s Next Top Model in "The Wig, the Bitch and the Meltdown." We dive into this burn book and discuss the 2000’s hot spots Tao and Buddakan (and why Jay chose to put them in a novel that takes place in 2020), doing Tyra dirty, Miss J's d*ck pics, why Janice Dickinson is our favorite, and that scene where Jay gets to pretend that Nigel Barker wanted him carnally. Move over Rachel Cusk, there’s a new queen of auto-fiction in town!
Celebrity Book Club. Will Stephen and Lily please step forward. Two beautiful girls stand before me, but only one of you will continue on in the hopes of becoming America's next top model in the winner of a one hundred thousand dollars contract with iHeartRadio on the Outspoken Network. Lily, when you came into this competition, no one thought you could hack it. You were a mess, You were slurring your speech, you seemed tired. One of the judges thought you were high. You could barely put one foot in front of the other, and you didn't even know how to tie your shoes. But week after week you've improved or what this competition is all about. You've showed grit, determination, and a chameleon like quality to make us laugh in various different disguises, like your Charlie Chaplin photo shoot, which blew our socks off. But there's one thing you still don't have, and that's good teeth. And your refusal to get adult braces suggests to the judges that maybe you don't have what it takes to go far in the real world of modeling.
Tyra, thank you so much for this chance. Today I double knotted my shoelaces in Midtown Manhattan, and I was thinking I couldn't have done this six weeks ago. I'm hearing so many voices in my head, and sometimes I'm told by the girls or Miss Jay that I shouldn't get braces because then I'll never get the contract with Elle Lily.
What I'm hearing is excuses. Thank you for saying your piece, Stephen. You have everything Lily doesn't, but she has everything you need. You came into this competition brilliant, a strong face, a severe jawline, wide hips. Every week. The judges have been wowed by your consistency. But there's one thing you don't have, and that's a normal hairline. We've tried to get you to wear wigs and you refuse. So why is your inability to change so prominent? And why are you refusing to do what you need to do to make it in this business?
Tyra, don't get it. When I was a little boy on the school yard, a girl came up to me and she pulled my hair and she pulled a patch out, and she said, you'll never make it in this town ever, And that day I promised myself I would make it. Bald, I don't care what you say, Taira. I'm gonna make it bald.
Watch me. The judges have made our decision. America's next top Model is Lily.
Thank you so much. I'll do whatever. I'll take out my people, I'll get danchers.
Remember this moment. You earned it. This is your moment hip.
Obecca's that next top model. Oh my god, Oh my god, Stephen, you're gonna get a contract for all. I'm sure cut.
Who's that knocking at the door. It's all your friends. You've filthy horse, your husband's gone, and you've got books and a bottle of wine to kill.
It's Hollywood, it's books, it's gossip.
I'm shook. It's memoir, it's martinis.
Celebrity Poop Club. Read it while it's hot.
Celebrity poop Club, tell your secrets.
We won't talk celebrity books.
No boys are a loud celet book, say it loud and pound. Celebrity book Club.
Buzz me in. I brought the queer voe.
Hey, my friend, Merry holiday season? Am I right?
Oh my god? Sorry, put down the eggnog. Wait. I have to tell you about this completely insane I heard on lay it on me radio that was just like, ugh, is your aunt over the holidays? Like on your nerves? Like and then it's like an impression of an aunt and they're like, oh god, Susie has had so much eggnog and she's like, so, who are you dating? And then like the voiceover is like, want to escape from like this dumbass aunt who keeps like asking you, like why you're so single? Come to Boston. It was an ad for Boston, an ad for Boston, and Boston is the place where you escape aunts, which is just so crazy because boss is aunt. It's like it is a city of aunts.
That's so insane.
And it was like come like ice skate on the frog pond, like shop on Newberry Boston.
And like the idea is that like instead of like booking travel to go spend the holidays with your family, you would book like a solo trip.
Single strip to Boston on Christmas Day.
Boston's a great place, you know, as a woman traveling alone, safety is one of my top concerns, and Boston is such a safe place I mean for women to be.
It would be such a good place if you were like a single lawyer to take the Amtrak and be like, you know what, I'm going to get a room just for myself on Boxing Day, you know, at the Copley Hotel.
It's so funny because I met my boyfriend when he went to Boston alone over Thanksgiving, see, and you're.
A single woman. He literally was like getting way to the big city of Boston.
And you were being like he was doing major and you were being like local Boston tree keeping girl or whatever. So yeah, honestly, go to Boston, like whether it's for the holidays or like kind of that.
After that week between.
A KA Global Purgatory.
Boston dot com, check it out, hit us up for Rex.
There's so many things happening in Boston now.
There really are. I mean, it is beautiful around the holidays, Like, let's just be real, if it's pray for snow. I remember as a kid hoping for snow so I could see Santa's little footsteps on my porch of my condo was like so small, I had like a little deck.
You didn't think he was doing chimney stuff.
Well we didn't have a chimney, so I was like, well, of course for condos and lands on your very small porch and slide the sliding door moves aside the kind of copper planter and an African mask obviously, and then one year there were like little kind of footprints and I was like, uh, proof, dear done.
Oh like like some wildlife I've been there, and you're like gotta be the brain bear or my parents like imprinted it and they should have kind of like jostled the mask on the walls.
Things are going crazy there, like, oh.
Gosh, my parents was the thing where they like they left the like you know, two bites in the cookie or whatever.
Classic did you guys do carets too?
I do remember doing carrots at one point. Real was that like a trend in Boston and like ninety seven for us all to be.
Trends in nineteen No, the carrots are for the reindeer.
Oh that's what it was.
It's not like slim down Santa and so like slim fast.
Right now now I'm remember and it was like nilla wafers and carrots and like glass of milk.
But I do love that instead of a glass of milk, it's a glass of slim fast for Santa. Oh. In these days, I'm sure Santa is having a collagen Smoothie arowon.
Santa Snatched Mama. Okay, she's looking good, making a new notch in that belt.
Hmmm, Ozam to the GOLs.
Missus Claus is just like wait, I like you fat.
Yeah, And it's like, oh, you're leaving me behind.
No, he's like more creating.
She's right, she's alop and he's so like protein pro Yeah, that's like making gains and like lifting so many like wooden toys and like he's like, oh, I'm only eating I guess he wouldn't eat venison, because that's means he would be eating.
I'm reindeer. Some of them are for play and some of them are for work, you know what I mean.
Work and play? Yeah, work hard, play harder, eat venison. You can't play more with your reindeer speak speaking of honestly looking snatched and also traditions changing. Yes, today we're doing a book that I mean, we've done obviously fiction before.
This is maybe the most adult fiction we've done, although that's really debatable. It feels like it's a children's book.
We've done children's but when we did Millie Bobby Brown's historical novel, have we done a self published Actually it was by word I think that's a site where you do self publish, not.
To throw stove, literally like blog spot.
I think word you dot com.
It's Wordy with two ease. Yeah. Yeah, it's giving him self kind of thought. He had a meeting with like the Wordy exact and they were like.
No, you're gonna be really taking care of this independent publisher.
I'm actually surprised that this wouldn't have gotten at least like some imprint of Harper to come on, it's literally famous. It's a tell all right.
Some kind of like pop culture imprint Samon Schuster, Harper.
Random Gallery Books, Hello anyone. Yeah, so it's basically it is a tell all. It is fiction, but it's very like the names have insightly changed and it is extremely inspired by this person's real life experience.
Suddenly thinly veiled novel. And when I say the names have been changed.
They've barely been changed.
Of course, we are talking about.
You know him as mister J. Native director of America Sex Top Model Mister J.
Is full name J.
Men Uel and his book. This is the title of the book and it's.
In top Model font.
The Wig, the Bitch and the meltdown, the wig the bitch, and the meltdown sorry, and the meltwn like lion the witch in the world.
I guess I got excited. Okay for one second, you're actually being so Keisha right now.
So this book is all about a young, sexy, biracial adoptee named Pablo Michaels who lives in a tiny apartment in Midtown and gets whisked away at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week whist Away.
So Pablo works as a Michael Course fashion producer and guts whist away by supermodel Keisha Cash, known for her modeling in a little catalog called Veronica's Privates.
And he keeps just being like, yeah, she was thirty two and she was a groundbreaking black model in the nineties and she is a little bit bigger now and it's just like every other page and being like.
She was downing ribs, she does rips. So this book is it's madness, how thinly veiled it is.
What's crazy about this book, though, is it takes place in twenty twenty basically, and America sexub model exists in this universe.
That was the craziest reveal where basically like when Keisha Cash pitches to Pablo that they should have a show called Model Muse.
He's like, Babe, that's just an America sext some model. She's like, no, this time it's going to be different.
It's going to be totally different. And in this kind of crazy universe, it's revealed that Pablo has a mentor and his mentor is j Manuel.
Like later book, it just gets so mad and there's all these seeds where it's like him being like, ugh, j Manuel was like so sexy. He was the hottest mentor. Like I love my mentor.
Let's break down. I feel like, break down the characters and what their names are, just.
To Yeah, there's there's a Janice Dickinson known as Sasha, Sasha Berenson, Jane Sickens and Sasha Baronson, and Sasha Benson is always drunk because they have a bottle of Chardonnay before every shooting that it's like falling asleep and they're pumping adderall on her.
So they're always like crushing up addall into diet coke and giving it to her.
Listen, this book is funny and I pore through it. It does feel like a book written for twelve year olds basically, but like it also reads an adult novel.
It reads like an amazing crazy fan fiction you stumble upon and you're like, oh my god, this is hilarious.
Yeah, it's like it is fan fiction. It's basically fan fiction.
So Sasha Benson at the top, I'm a little mad he doesn't give honestly, the alcoholic Sasha I felt enough.
Yeah, she needed more sassy fun lines.
He just makes her like an alcoholic who always has like a pulland spring bottle full of lot.
He CA's probably reflected with the fact that j Manuel and Jenna Sickinson maybe just didn't interact that much. Yeah, because she was like there for judging and he was obviously like hanging out.
With miss Miss Things.
So Miss Thing is the runway coach Jay Alexander, Miss Jay and Miss Thing and him have this like rivalry over the course of the show and ups and downs.
You know, it starts out and Pablo is actually very mean about Miss Thing and it is always like, uh, like Miss Thing is like ugly and Miss Thing just like it's all about herself and is always like making quips and like wanting the camera towards her. And then towards the middle of the book is like mad at the antm editors for like, oh sorry, the model muse editors for cutting out all of Miss things amazing lines.
Yeah, which she does kind of like suggest is more tyra akakish cash just being incredibly narcissistic and wanting to make herself the start of the show and like reduce everyone else's personality and make sure that they're not like to now the focus.
Because she's the focus. And then there is Mason Ah, a British.
Photographer British photographer but a fashionhtographer who's very sexy but very naughty.
And in this book is a closeted bisexual. Yeah. Clearly I think mister Jay is fantasy.
Thank you for saying.
Okay, I think a lot of this book I think is true.
You can tell what's fan and you can tell and what's the nonfiction and we'll get into that. So I love when Miss Thing is introduced again, who is a run cipher for Miss j Alexander Pablo knew instantly why Miss Thing was chosen controversy. He was known for his Twitter account profile and then he like italicizes what the profile is for all my lgbt Q X y Z, rainbow colored friends of the alphabet. I am not bisexual, transsexual, or a transvestite. I'm a gay man who parades around a women's cature to confuse white straight America. He was an appropriate, flamboyant, wicked, witty, and had been a runway coach since the dawn of time. He was going to be a handful also just calling him old.
No, it'd be like since the dawn of so.
Older than dirt. She's like, and he's not a woke activist, okay, And that's getting America ruffled.
Because it's twenty twenty two and everyone's woke.
This is the part of the book where it's just every time he's like trying to make it betweeny twenty two and not two thousand and nine, it's a little bit like why did we.
Why did we do this? Because then all the references are just like Pablo was so mad that he didn't get to go to the after party at tow and Keisha made I made him come back with her to her loft at three sixty five broom and have Hoggin DAWs and Shuman like from Joe's Shang.
I'm just like so it is two thousand and nine, We're going to too, We're going to tell.
And then it's finally when Pablo gets a chance to go to a rap party after season one of Model Muse they go to Budicuin.
No, it's insane, Buddha Kan like what. But I guess he wouldn't have been able to insert himself as a character in the book if.
It was, because he has to make it and met and make himself like a young, like impressionable Pablo, but also show to the world through this fan fiction that he's actually so wise and it's fiction. And then the last person that you may not think about but you've seen on the credits of Top Model is ken Mock, who is the executive producer of Top Model is Jovang.
Jouvong, who's portrayed as like this angry Asian male executive.
He always calls him the Korean which the so sex and the City and actually so two thousand and one of him and two sold and his storyline is that he's this just like balls out producer who produced a cops show called Officers with a Z.
Did Ken Buck actually produce Cops?
I looked up his IMDb and he did it, but he did produce the amazing show The mussy Cat Doll Search for the Next pussy Cat Doll, So he's actually more like Top Model Pussycat Doll other reality shows, but he didn't produce Cops.
Yeah. So the one part of this novel that's not just like basically a direct like retread of Jamie Manuel's Top Model days and like him basically saying how much of a huge bitch Tyra is every other page is there's this like plotline I'm putting in quotes the word plot line of like how Tyra's mom was arrested so good on this Cops Stoke called officers with the z that Joe Vong was producing and but it turns out she was wrongfully arrested. And then she like sends her own like ransom note with some blood to ty to exonerate.
Her and is basically begging Tyra to like use this blood to like free her.
But then it's later revealed that Tyra Iki Kisha Kash wants her mother to stay rotting in jail.
So she tells like one of the producers to throw out the blood that would exonerate her. Oh and by the way. Her mother's crime is that she was a photographer at a morgue who stole jewels from the morgue. I mean, give it up for fiction with that one.
Okay, this is so like the book I would write if I were nine, but like Tyra's mom, you know.
What I mean, Like you're a genius nine year old if you're being like, what's a job, what's a weird job? But also being like pink panther jewels. And then there's this whole scene where like Jay, I don't want to jump ahead, but basically like j becomes Slash Pablo becomes an investigative reporter and figures out Tisha Kasha's mom's ransom note by YouTube discovering what anagrams are.
But he does it. I mean again, the book is kind of good, like, yeah, he kills aids the show Unreal, which I love where he's trying to figure out this ransom note because he knows if he can bring this kind of victory to Kisha Cash aka Tyra, then she'll like show up on set. Because one of the main complexes of the book is that Tyra's this huge fucking bitch who's like always four hours, like to set and would rather be eating ribs at this time spare ribbery than coming to set at Silver Cup Studios and Queens.
Or eating like the first time that Jay Sorry, Pablo and Keisha become friends. Kisha invites Pablo over to her laws.
Okay, wait, this part's of the same. Okay, Keisha squilled with delight. I love rags to riches stories. This calls for ice cream and more champagne. She pointed to the double door subsuro refrigerator, got up and opened the unit's doors. Her fridge was bigger than the bathroom in his apartment. Hell, it was bigger than his bedroom, and there was enough room to sleep in it. There was nothing but champagne and leftovers on one side and quarts of ice cream on the other. My con marie consultant organized it by flavor.
Okay, so that's where he's putting the twenty twenty.
Of it all in. Yes, she was now behind and picking over his shoulders. Pablo couldn't believe Keisha had a certified tidying specialist organizing her frozen treats. It's also like looking up the saurus ice cream frozen treats. It was. It was a rainbow of flavors, coconut, blue moon, green tea, mint, lemon, cello, tangerine, raspberry, red bean, cookie dough, chocolate, caramel, latte, coffee. Pablo never seen so much ice cream in one person's freezer. What's your poison? She giggled like a little girl pulling at a tub of Hoganda's dull shade of leche and headed back, just.
Like this fat Like it's like we're on page ten here, so it's be like, do know, tires a fat fucking bitch is basically what he's trying to let you know. Oh, and if I may just add in this part where like she fires her assistant and is like, Pablo, you need to get me Chinese food. But I'm such a diva celebrity that I have no idea what like Chinese I love? And this is like how like Jay places us in modern times with deft deficiency. Pablo type the word Chinese into his food delivery app and began to read out the list of names of restaurants in the area. Jade Garden, the Big Wong, Low Hung Cock, Omg, they're next to each other. If somebody's name Joe's Shang Hai on this.
Was like a weird, like racist, yeah, like joke that's just kind of inserted into the writing of being like low hung cock as the name of a Chinese restaurant, and you're just like, this is random, this is random.
No, this book is kind of wildly racist gansation people. And it's like, I guess because Jay really hates Ken Mack. Yeah, he's like, no, I'm actually going to go all the way.
Off the mock definitely is one of the other sort of greater villains. Well, you know, so I was reading, I did a little bit about said research and name reading. Do you see like the Variety interview with him, Yeah, it's kind of the only press that really is about this book.
Basically what happened is clearly, you know, I think Jay was overworked and felt like he didn't get his.
Flowers, because what he says in the book is that he basically does every single shoot, comes up with the concept for every single shoot, and then he's also doing all this work, like behind the scene design work, made the logo.
And it was always like I'm in my hell's kitchen apartment. I had to come up with all these like decks to pitch, like you know, or you know, goes home from Top Model and has to you know, come up with the ideas for the photo shoots and the hair and this and that. But then also we're shown that Keisha cast doesn't really give him a good contract in the beginning, and Pablo aka J will work for free. So in life, Jay was like, I'm gonna quit at season nine, and he did, and he did, and then Tyro was so offended that they didn't speak.
And then there's this quote where he was like, We've sent a few emails and that's it.
There was something that was like Tyro like isn't happy about his book, but it was also kind of like a fake quote. It's like, I don't even know if this book reached Tyra.
I'm so confused why it didn't because I feel like maybe it was just like the moment he decided Toself published. It's like I feel like if it came out now, it'll be better because I'm feeling like everyone's doing a Top Model rewatch. Maybe it's just me and like, no, no people.
I know, like since it got on like Hulu, I feel like people started like rewatching, Yes, But I do feel like right now there's always like I think, just like different gays that start watching it every year. Yes, sorry, it's a cycle.
It's literally a cycle, and like new generations are discovering the magic, the aggon the ecstasy of Top Model.
And you know, so of course, you know, when the gen z started watching it, they got upset about a few episodes like well, this actually didn't even happen on Top Model, but the best episode ever of the tyber Banks Show, and she pretended to be homeless.
Oh yeah, and yeah, and they've pulled the race swapping episode they've pulled. Is there any others that they've pulled?
And peop don't think so, but.
But did they also do that on multiple cycles? Probably anyway, But yeah, and then so they're all being like, oh, it's so problematic and she's like so abusive to all the girls, and of course, and like you know, what we see in this book is that like it is such like abusive working conditions. But of course that's what produced such a.
Such amazing television. I mean, if we can just go back Storry TBT. You called me, I think we were sixteen, and you were like, this amazing show just came out and you had just watched the first episode, and you came over and we rewatched the first episode. Yes, and I remember it's just like jaw on the floor. I had never seen something like that. I mean was of course we've done Jennis Dickinson's book, we've talked about Top Model, but I mean the best reality show in the entire world.
No, it was crazy. It was Manna from Heaven and.
Survivor had just come out, so it was like early contest.
Yeah, and there weren't all the other competition shows yet, and like the girls were so real, so.
Real, and I think like Queer Eye probably had just come out, but it was like you were really seeing like fags on.
Evs, like you see mister and missus. J was like, I mean, I'm sorry, Like Tyra exploded the world with that show, and she absolutely changed the course of human culture.
Literally she changed humanity.
And you know, like my friend Eric's I was saying this, but like RuPaul.
Like took everything from Top.
Everything from Top Model.
I mean, let's think for your life, what about Like remember first season, they have to like swim with sharks, they have to dance with cheetahs, like they all have to shave their heads like they have to put scales on themselves, like they have to like fly off the Empire's date thing, just like it's incredible.
So in this book, there's the scene where they all have a different animal and then Adriana faints and Jay suggest sorry, Pablo suggests that maybe Adriana's fainting was fake, fucking fake, And of course, if we all remember back to cycle one, Adrian faints in the like snake episode or whatever, Yeah, and perhaps.
That maybe was fake. And if you guys are an up to date with quote unquote Adriana aka Adrian Curry, she won Top Model, then she had a show where she because she married Greg Brady. Then she left Hollywood and became the most back to the land insane trumper. Like follow her on Twitter.
She is so so hilarious and I find because she's also always selling like a weird and a and she's just an avon lady who like lives in Arizona and Montana and has big strong suspects.
And like the twitch stream all day and are so video game because like her whole thing was that, like she was from Juliet, Illinois and was like, fucking men, I'm a nerd man, wait what did she say?
Once?
I remember she was in the cab and she was like, man, I just won't go want to go home and listen to fucking heavy metal.
And so like she and Elise were like friends because like they were alt.
Even though Elise was like a kind of person, I felt like, I guess I'm still gonna aligne with her because like we're both Indie.
Because like when everyone else is like fully Christian.
Because then it came down to write Adrian and Shannon.
Yes, and Alis was number three. But one of the kind of main I would say revelations of this book is that there's always what he calls a ringer, which is a girl who's basically picked by Tyra to win each cycle, like very early on, basically at the beginning of each cycle, and that she is just pulling the strings to make sure that that girl ends up in the final two and then wins, and all the other judge's critiques are just kind of like superfluous, and there's basically someone who's supposed to win. And look back at the seasons and I'm sorry, it makes so much sense, like there are some seasons where we all know, wait, you know that there was someone who like got kicked off. I feel like it's often the girl I think who like should have won gets kicked off.
Like four six yeah, and everyone's like wait what, But she was like the most she was.
The most high fashion. Her photos were the best, and like somehow like she's gone.
There was this whole thing that like, I feel like top model like brought to just us the public. Tyra was like you're either high fashion or not high fashion. And there were so many girls that came in and were catalog I know, and it gave us a language to like define sorry, women's bodies.
That we need that we does really need to talk about women and your high.
Fashion in your catalog. And like at least like all these girls who were catalog, like were so confused by these high fashion girlies who are a little more fucked up, looking like.
Winning more like angular and weird, and.
Like one girl in this is like she's gonna pick you because you're ugly or something.
Okay, just going through the seasons if we may, Yeah, let's go through the seasons. Because do you think should have won the first season? Elise?
I mean put that on my gravestone. Alise should have won the first season.
Okay, what about season two? Do you think it should have been because that was Mercedes? No Joanna one?
Oh, I agree, I think Johanna should have won. I like always had a crush on her.
Because Janna Stickinson thought Mercedes should have won.
Yeah. I just thought Joanna did have such a kind of high fashion face.
I know, but looking at her now and like how basic in like Australian she's gotten, I'm a little just like maybe it shouldn't have been her. Okay, I kind of think it should have been April, the Asian girl with really chic with the bangs.
Yes, with the ban she was really chic, she was really fab.
Okay, I kind of think it should have been her. Season three, Oh that was Eva.
I mean I love Eva and she's kind of happy.
Yeah, should have been yeah, yeah, no question And yeah went on to become the most successful.
Yeah, she's been in like ten seasons of Chicago Fire.
And we celebrate, Yeah.
We celebrate her. I mean never forget yeah, yah saying respect in Portuguese respect.
Do you remember Jenna from like season seven or eight or nine or something whatever it was? There was the one that Celicia won.
I don't remember.
Jenna had an incredible portfolio. Her face was so high fashion. Jenna du set look her up. She was incredible. And then Celicia, it turns out, had known Tyra previously and done like Tyra's modeling girls or whatever.
Oh my god, this girl was such a random was like no, no, Jenna.
And it's set and Jenna do set like totally slay own.
Oh notes, but I wonder where she is now and she was five eleven, she.
Like couldn't have been more model, And it's like, this is why I think j Manuel's revelation that there's a ringer each season was completely correct.
So one of like the big plot points in this book is basically kind of a fictionalized version of though we were all rooting for you scene and let's all go to our pages.
Oka. Wait, so in this version, instead of Tiffany or Brittany, Tiffany this is her name in the real and the real show. So instead it's this Irish codet with long red hair that Tyra forced to cut the hair so she could not win so she would look bad and like shaved her head like later in the season.
Which, by the way, like I think that's what Alta was so insane about NTM like it just like made girls do these crazy things. And even though Jay Pablo is shaking his head on set being like, they're not actually gonna shave her beautiful red hair.
Okay, wait and you do. You be Keisha and I'll be Nicole with an h because she's Irish.
Nicole, I challenge you with your new cash branded look, but by the disturbed expression on your face, I don't think you handled it well. Nicole smiled and interrupted the star.
Actually, I'm extremely proud to rock my bald head.
Because she paused for a moment swallowed me.
Mum fought a long and painful battle with breast cancer.
Droplets of tears formed along her lower lash line.
Listening to what Youja said reminded me of a true inner strength and integrity that my mother instilled in me.
Keisha tried to cut the teared medal off. Oh that's sweet, and Nicole cut a second time.
Having my long red hair shaved off gives me a far more noble cause than your TV eighteings. Bald is beautiful will be my new identifier, my brand. So I thank you for freeing me from wanting to model myself after you.
Nicole's smile was radiant, victorious, lethal. Pablo's body levitated into the air. The judges, everyone, even Joe Vong was gobsmacked. No one could believe that a model contestant was actually standing up to Keisha and calling her out on camera. It was a bit like watching this giant cyclone building on stage. There was a reason her brother used to call her column. Keisha's eyes bugged so far off her head that she looked like she was about to blow her lip. Literally.
I loved him just being like such a crazy bitch. Yeah, he's always There's a reason Tyr is like such a fucking nasty, disgusting.
Even her brother thinks she's a swamp, ugly bitch.
Her bug eyes. Okay, I'll be the narrator now over the headsets, Pablo could hear the low pitched rumble of Keisha's don't fuck with me, demonic possession voice.
Do you know what? Do you know where I've come from, what I've gone through? Oh do you think you are?
I'm a proud bald woman who's going to raise prest comes her awareness and raise money to stop this awful disease. Nicole's eyes blazed with defiance. Brilliant Harper accidentally chirped out loud. Pablo had never seen Keisha like this, but the scene felt like deja vu. This would undoubtedly haunt her for the rest of her career. Stop talking, Keisha screamed.
What I speak to you? You listen? Everybody listen.
The shouting woke Sasha up. This is Jennis Dickerson. She swoveled her head towards mess thing. What's going on?
Meltdown?
Alert like a gunslinger. Sasha reached between her recently plumped breath, pulled out her iPhone from her comatose vantage point aimed.
How dare you challenge me? You are nothing before you came here. You think you're better than all the other girls who felt like hell to get here. You're nothing, no one, and you're done. You can leave now, go back to Grandma's house and sleep on that radiass mattress with your brother Davy and his club foot.
Well did I? Keisha pointed Nicole's body, with you look at this.
This is gonna last. Men are gonna tire of you and find the next hot young thing. Designers will turn on you too. Everyone will leave you in the end, everyone.
Wait a minute, be quiet, And that was it. That was the scene. You guys all remember.
We all rooted for you, but Jay makes it not even we all rooted for you because there was some kindness in Tyra's true freak out.
Yeah, well, I think the thing about Tyra's true freakout that it was also more like she's like, I'm supporting this young black girl, yes, who's like coming up from poverty, and I'm rescuing her, but I also like know what it's like and like cause you know, a huge part of like Tyra's whole thing was like telling black girls that they needed to like you know, I mean, remember what's her name who? She was like, you need to close your gap, which was actually the worst advice ever is her gap? God, because she was kind of thinking of it that's like, oh, you're like too black.
I mean like you need to play the game like I did basically and like for Victoria's privacy.
And was always telling her that her like voice was too country and she needed to like be like more elocution and like sound more white and then like have her teeth like not.
Because but then here's something on Momimia dot Com Australia that says, when Tyra banks, why didn't it contestant?
Well, yeah, what's funny is because then Tyra later realized that.
Danielle Danielle needed to get the gap fixed.
Yeah, and now we have daniel Evans brigs her house and we start as a clip of Tyra Beks holding her to have her teeth cut, closing and market blah blah blah. Anyway, so we all remember that, but like that was this huge thing. And so what Jamie Nouel is kind of he does criticize the Tyra character like somewhat for being like, you know, very hypocritical and her like kind of savior.
Role towards young well you know, he does it mostly when he basically roast her for writing Model Land.
Yes, which is Tyra's shitty novel.
Right, And so there comes upon the book Plagiarize, right, where like Tyra is always tip tapping, He's always like, she's always two thumbs deep. And then it's like he quotes miss Thang is going maybe this beacons she is not.
But she writes this can't type.
So she writes this sci fi novel called Planet Fearce that's like a one hundred pages and then there's a fake review in it where they're like, it's not that it's cliche. It's not that it's like stupid, it's that like they make it like all the characters are still so stereotypical.
But you know it's interesting because he also has this thing where he's seeing that Tyra is like completely cynical in her choices of who the ringer is, and she's like, I view these girls stories as only useful in so far as it like plays with the audience, and so like we' of course always want there to be the ugly duckling into the swan. We want to like take the poor black girl and then like make her like successful and palatable. We want to like have the first plus size model, but only like because we can say we had the first plus size model.
This is the I feel like, the most kind of like scarring part to Tyra's personality. In the fake review of Model Land, it says, if there is to be any redeeming quality of missus Cash's hulking wreck of literary debut, it's that her exidential crisis serves as a wonderful psychological case study for explaining theories of internalized racism. Perhaps this is the greatest literary contribution Planet Fears could make.
Wait, this part of is amazing. So you're just reading from this on it's there's a fake review and it's like a different fond and everything.
They laid out like a newspaper and everything.
The writing is much better in this fake review, and it's kind of interesting that Jamanuel managed to like get this.
So when they were mentioning like Octavia Butler and you're kind of like, who did he call on to write?
Now, well, there are references. He does say his favorite movie is The Matrix. Like he is he is very.
Sci fi because he's silver haired, and like the whole end of the book is him being like I should have taken the blue pill, but the red pill is going on antim let's make that meme.
And like later he says that his dream was to be in an ethnically diverse Dan Brown novel. Right, He's like he seen together the like ransom note of the Blood from the Mom and.
He actually he mentions Dan Brown a lot because it's like the mom in prison has like the is like a big mom in prison who helps out Tyger's mom and it's like she had an amazing cell. It was full of Michael Connolly and Dan Brown novels.
Yeah, so mama likes to read. He's a readist, he's a sci fi nerd. So maybe he did write the fake review, but that it's interesting that the rest of the book is written in so like Babysitters Club, ass like there are.
Some type of ice cream flavors for Red Store Bay and like the back of the book. The printing is so close to the edge of the.
Cover getting closer and closer. Okay, I do want to talk about the Nigel Barker. It was a sex scene, so there is a me too scene in here or.
And the phrase me too is mentioned so much in this book, right, They're always like, we have a me too on our hands. Fuck, we have a me too?
Okay, wait do you want to do yeah? Okay, so actually started ninety seven. All right, do you want to be Mason Hughes or do you want to be Papla?
I want to be Mason Hughes. Okay, you should model BVDS mate.
Mason leaned on the door jam and if Pablo had no manner, he swear he was checking him out. Are all Britt's metrosexuals pretty much? Mason shrode into the room and looked around.
Dion said there was wardrobe to try on. Looks like there's more than a wardrobe.
Pablo felt so much Shyle of a sudden, Why haven't we.
Talked about doing a test shoot with you yet?
Mason framed his face, looking through his hands like they were camera lens, and made some mock shots of Pablo's nearly naked body.
I'm positive we could create magic together. Wrap that body in my seductive.
Light, corny British humor, extreme close up. Mason moved in close. Now Pablo could smell his easily recognizable extreme noir tom Ford cologne. He did a little voguing, twisting his shoulders, his hips, all in good fun. Suddenly, Mason slapped Pablo's nipples like they were frat boys and grabbed his ass. Hey. Pablo turned away. Mason raised an eyebrow as if to say, you game was he? Mason was handsome, sexy, straight, a strange attachment between the president and the pass kipp across Pablo's mind. Half of him was still the ugly, awkward kid. The biracial boy in a sea of white faces. Don't let them get you down, his mother used to tell him, while wiping the tears from his eyes. You are more than you're outside. They just can't see beyond their own skin and narrow minds. You've got to be better than him and show them that you're there equal. Papa could hear voices if it were yesterday. Like a predator about to pounce on his prey, Mason moved closer.
No one has to know know what.
Pablo was confused. Mason grabbed Paula by the chest and threw him to the floor, and, like a seasoned initiator, dropped his own pants all in one quick gesture. What are you doing? Pablo pushed back.
Oh, don't be a cock tees. You've been coming on to me for months.
Mason slammed his hard body on top of him and thrust his tongue down Pablo's throat. His saliva tasted sweet, but Pablo was still disgusted. I know how your people like it in a Boa construction. They rolled across the wardrobe and Mason's legs snapped on Paplo's You make.
Me so hord, yeahs.
A drust was against Papula's Mason try humpt and heaved a hard and ribbed direction across the trapped creative director. Sorry, keeping a ribb direction across the trapped creative director.
Pablo forced himself to relax. Mason eased his grip on him. That's how he likes.
Bubblo punched him, slam, Get off me. He's campered to his feet, you arrogant fuck what Mason was a god? Paplo grabbed his clothes and bolted for the door. Why don't you go on porn hub and jerk off. He exited the dressing room and roared behind him, Patriet, go fuck yourself.
Okay, so this is okay, this is the wild. This is the most fantasy that you know. Jay obviously thought Nigel was so hot, and that was the thing of it. Nigel was so hot, but he was married.
I just don't think Nigel ever, I means.
Think Nigel Boka like came on to Jay and was like, don't your people like it like that?
I knows.
And then but this scene in the book is just a way again to show how like fucked up Tyra is because after it, Jay slash Pabla goes over to Keisha's house for Mordal Delche and ribs and to watch a Judy Garland movie and tells her about it. It is crying, and Tyra's basically just like, don't say anything. You should be happy he hit on you, Okay, this hot British guy. It was like you're not a woman. It's also like yeah, and he's trying to be like, oh he said your people like and made it like this like oh well I'm this like straight guy yeah, and like you're just this little fagot.
But then it becomes this other like running point where then Miss Thing keep making fun of Nigel, insinuating that his wife is trail. Yeah, this is surgery, not that convinsed.
And Miss Thing is always just like I've been seeing her yoga videos, like she looks like a man. And at one point a Miss Thing sends a picture of his dick to mister J.
Yeah, and then mister j is like, I'm going to put your dick pic like all over social media. Also like this other racist joke that Miss Thing is making about Nigel's wife, right, is there something you're not telling us about? Suck Deep, the model coach interrupted. She don't pass to a trained eye like mine, and ps, she may want to stay out of harsh daylight hashtag just saying he's.
Like, yeah, actually everyone on set was racist.
Everyone was like really really continue abusive.
But me, I'm just kind of.
Anas Dickinson, who seems like the nicest person.
Right, which is probably true, not.
Being mean to anyone. No, I do believe that because it's like she's harsh in her critiques because she's fabulous and.
She's an actual model, so she's probably just been like, yah, star for yourself and just model ways. But like wasn't backstabbing and so crazy and the Tyra way.
No, because all the rest of them were just like literally being evil to each other and like not showing up and said, and you're quing completely I'm professional where it's like, yes, Jane's maybe passing out because she's wait, she's there, there.
She was there the whole time. Yeah, at the end of the day, like I love mister J and I love Tyra, and mister J like obviously contributed, so no.
I and I'm sure your top model, and I'm sure that his grievance is largely found in the fact that he was not like pain enough. He wasn't respected enough for the amount of work he was doing to make that show good, like on to make it.
What it was, because I remember like watching that in high school and I was like, wait, I want I was like whatever, mister Jay's job is, I want it, and like, yeah, do I create photo shoots for my own damn self?
Now? Yeah? Period. So in a way, yes, but isn't Tyra's insanity why the show is good?
But then also he kind of is a little bit of a hypocrite because when talking about the kind of the controversial, unwoke episodes of Top Model, well, all decisions at the end of the day, we're Ken malk and Tyra oh.
In the variety, Yeah, in the variety, Oh yeah, No, he is like suddenly being so like I'm going to do it's politically trendy and throw them under the bus.
But then he's kind of saying like, well, all my amazing ideas for the photo shoots were me.
Yeah, so look, I'm.
Sure everyone was a huge bitch except for Janas. Yeah, I'm like the nicest person alive Jannis, And I just think probably like Tyra did like make j come over for ice cream, and made him feel like they were BFFs, and then when he left, she was just kind of like you're dead to me.
I remember reading it in every once with her or like a profile of her in the Times or something, and it was about how she had IBS and it was like she had these assistants and like it was like she was like kept like sitting up and then like sitting down again and was like wearing a big white belt and like one of the assistants just goes, is it ibs? And like even in the article, I was like, Oh this assistants like so scared, like you can tell, and like she's.
I mean the gut rules all yeah, if something ain't right, you're gonna lash out.
Yeah. And it's funny that he didn't give the character IBS in this book because maybe he thought that would be like too many.
I think. So he's just gonna make it like, oh, look she's downing a rib and I'm gonna send this photo of her eating ribs to Miss Things, but then goes through Miss Thing's phone in the book and deletes the photo to show like, oh look how nice I am I delete the photo of like reading the ribs.
Also just about him putting out fires, yes, constantly, just about like how a gay guy has to put out fires.
And like there's a moment of the book where he gets like a like Golden Globes runway job with Heidi Klum and finally gets like a better inner ear mic where he hears more going on.
And then well because she refuses to have an inner ear mic because she doesn't want all these voices in her head control. Yes, but he actually loves like knowing what's going.
On, hearing everything.
Okay. Also later in the book when he just quotes more endowed randomly, No, I mean again, I was like, you are an insane Like.
Well, I wonder, okay, do you think though this part is that's very Octavia Butler truth or fiction. The basic culmination of this book is that Tyra promises.
Oh hay, I'm a talk show together, and then she gets it just by herself.
And he hears on the mic her being.
Like somewhere in between.
Right where it's like, I don't think it was going to be the Tyra and Jay show. Maybe it was like he was gonna have a segment or something like that, and something happened.
I'm sure there were conversations where she was not promising anything, but he interpreted it as more of a promise than it was. And she was like, oh, I'm thinking of a talk show, and she didn't say my talk show, but she didn't say our talk show, and then he interpreted that as like, we're going to have a talk show. And then you know, conversations came and maybe.
She made a joke like oh my god, and like you're so great on camera and Evere loves you. Now maybe you can do a B and C.
Maybe she's a will work it all out. But I doubt that she promised him the Tyrat And.
I don't think ABC because or it was like on ABC or CW.
Was on Yeah UPN and then c W.
I don't think they were going to ever have the Tyra.
And J Show because America wasn't ready for a gig guy co hosting a show.
But it's also it's just Tyre Max. It's gonna be called it the Tyre MAXs Show.
It's funny also that he like is coming around the same time as Stephen Cochocaru and was one of the first gays on TV, like a real fag, And it.
Goes to what Kocho has told us that everyone was like, so like, we can't handle what a faggot you are.
Kind of kind of yeah, yeah.
Like miss Jay and I think mister j was always like I'm gonna be a little mask right, silver hair and kind of be the more controlled gay guy of the show.
Yeah, controlled gay guy with an up silver contact. But see then I'm like he is like kind of uptight and maybe he would have freaked out if Nigel like came on to him.
Yeah, he does seem a little up tight and like he never looked hooks up in the book.
Yeah, it's interesting and.
He mentions like, oh, maybe like some of the lucky people like in our three week break can have sex.
Because I'm sure also random contestants on the show were fucking producers.
And the camera, which is another thing yes.
That happens in the book. And it's like, I'm sure he's looking at this girls being like, damn, I'm jealous of the fight that.
You're wish at the time. But here I am eating ice cream.
With Tyra, with Tyra be four in the morning while I'm like going over all the creative for this photo shoot and she's not doing any of the.
Work, and then she's going in fucking a football player. I still have to go through spreadsheets with Ken Mob. Ultimately, the rule is, you can't believe anyone in Hold.
Don't believe anyone in Hollywood. You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. And no, you're not gonna make one of the best reality shows of all time.
Without stepping on fucking tails.
Okay, and like causing a lot of trauma.
Because Pablo even gets in a fight with himself aka j Manuel in the book, and that's the real lesson. You get in a fight with your inner men tour actually trust no one. Okay. Everyone is like, so fucking shady.
America's next top segments, What does she eat?
What does she wear? How does she live? Wait, I have to read.
A passage about how does she live? About the apartment?
About the apartment.
Yeah, I think this passage is pretty probably accurate to his personal style.
Well, and in this it's very like Pablo spent hours designing his new apartment. Coming through the front door, Pablo wanted his guest eyes to be drawn to the ultimate focal wall opposite his bedroom. At first glance, it looked like an architectural detail, but it concealed the components in his bank Ulson home theater system, which revealed the press of a button or a request from Siri. In front of that was a light gray Minotti sectional sofa and one of his last famous script rugs, with illeligible black writing scribbled across the white fabric. A white lacquer desktop appeared to be floating in space above clear loosite legs that had been fashioned to look like cut crystal stemmed champagne glasses. He'd actually splurged on having a custom made Eames executive chair created for his desk, white, of course, like the clean palette of a painter. Pablo had created a modern neoclassical vibe to help him keep a clear mind when he wasn't on the chaotic set of Model Muse. So it's just so gay, and it's like everything is like white and loosit and like modern and metal and like a white Eames chair. It's just like everything is so just like Gay Guy twenty twelve, like white, clear and.
Modern modern modern rome.
And there's like so much loos site and like floating mirrors everywhere. I almost think his apartment is like cheesy yours than this, and this is his fantasy.
Yeah, do you think that he's like Big Audrey Hepburn.
Like do you think it's like silver white, fake crystal Big Audrey Heppern like mirror chandelier and like maybe there is like a loosight desk for sure, with like a white lacquer tabletop. And I think it's like a white leather sexual or bouclet. Now probably you.
Don't think he's gotten into any like more textiles in the past few years.
Well, I think he likes MASONI pillows because he mentions those, So I think he does have pops of color.
Okay, and pattern, pops of color and pattern exactly.
But he's still like white, silver and matrix. What does he wear? He's always wearing just like the tightis like buttoned.
The way he dresses is like kind of how everyone dresses to the club now, Like every gay guy looks like j Manuel now where they're wearing like it's so like bearragone. It's so like I'm wearing a tight animal print vest and then flared jeans like bootcut distressed jeans, and I have dyed my hair and I have an earring.
He's now like so much, even more silver in his hair.
He just like wet with silver and like cause.
First cycle it was like bleached blonde and then I got more and more silver. What does he eat? I mean he probably can't even look at Joe's Shanghai now yeah, or de Lache, But I think he's just like Sushi Taie.
It's also funny because it's like Tyra does have an ice cream company now, so like the whole ice cream part is very true.
Not to say the amount. He must fucking hate Tyra. It's crazy. The only thing he changed is make one girl irish and add in a sex scene for himself because he probably didn't like fuck for eight years anyway. I just think he's very like Sesame ginger dressing, but like he's buying.
It from Annie's Annie's dressing.
Yeah, girls in the fridge, white.
Snow because hello, he's so like Matrix Modern. He's not getting like bread and Circus asked like Cambridge mom dressing.
I don't think he's going to like the Union Square Whole Foods right now and is grabbing a three sixty five Sesami ginger dressing.
A Preta Mande loyalty card and that thing is worn out.
I think he is making like a salmon for him and like miss things sometimes.
Or maybe he's like factor meals now.
Oh, just delivery. I just don't you know if he can afford the factory meals right now. Like so I'm saying she's grocery shopping. I like literally like Da Castino's.
He's getting the pre mix, like mung bean salad. Yeah, okay, Chills, who are you in the book? I honestly identified with almost everyone in this book because I was like, wait, I feel like Rachel Prod the like Xanax popping producer. I feel like Janis, who's just like a sleep. I feel like Nigel, who's British. I feel Nigel.
Sorry. The only person you're not in this book is.
I feel like Tyra because she's like.
You're Tyra Bean, Like, come over, I have flavors, but that are all to just.
Like go, yeah, come over, you need to leave.
You're always been like one of the dumplings. I love not that.
Not that are you Jay, because like you are so like I went to fashion school and I dreamed of becoming a fashion designer and you're so f I T right.
And I'm like working for Michael Cores, and I'm like, this is my one shot. Do you feel like I'm being so like.
You do behind this?
No? If you say, oh, you're so silly. Little do they know.
I'm writing a podcast, writing podcast descriptions every week.
And coming up with photoshoot ideas and like, I'm not adopted, but what if I was.
No one will be surprised.
The adoption storyline in this book. That's a reason to support Jay.
Okay, you're Jay.
You're Tyra. I think I'm also like miss d La renta stylist who I'm just like, girl, don't go there.
Yeah, they were Switzerland because he's so neutral and that is so you and you are like neutral in a war.
And I'm kind of like getting the tea.
But I'm like, don't I totally see Switzerland for you Switzerland and Tyra.
But also you're Gemos. Thank you because you're actually Sweden. People think you're such a bitch, right, but you're actually just giving.
Like no, it's like to criticism is bitchy, but like as a human at.
The end of the day, like picking someone up at the hospital, yes, and.
You're not about taking care of my own loyalty is everything.
To me in this industry. Okay, how do I it's so crazy to write this book. On one hand, I'm like ten fierce catwalks out of ten, Like as a kind of piece of outsider art, it's so amazing. If I'm talking about fiction, fiction is not.
So fiction is not literature. It is barely I I do struggle with that and just the overall quality of it. But then I'm like, yes, as a piece of like mail art.
Yeah, like outsider mail art, like MoMA conceptual art from wordy dot com.
I'm obsessed with it, and I'm obsessed that he just went forward and did it and was like, twenty twenty, I'm publishing this book that no one wants for some reason, even though it is it insane.
Tell all, I just can't believe you went there and really tore Tyra a new one like this.
I'm surprised that he didn't just write a memoir, but I guess it's like the legal issues of him too much, and he was like too afraid.
May of us speak, and he is not well.
I also feel like maybe on some level he's hoping for forgiveness, forgiveness from Tyra and he wants that relationship to be repaired in some way.
He wants her to read it and be like, you're right, I was rude. I was a bit calm over. We're having literally movies Dulce delche. Yeah, all right, mister Jay, Congratulations.
Thank you. You are one of the most important culture figures of the century.
You are the winner.
You are the winner of of America's next top podcast Best. My Daughter and Arms on the Runway is our fabulous producer, Darby Masters.
This episode was supervised produced by none other than Miss Thing abou Zafar, work Bitch.
And of course we have no one to thank but mister Thing. Our engineer Bahid Fraser.
Our fierce executive producer is Christina Everett Mother.
Our theme song was done by Fierce down in Dirty Divas Stephen Phillips Horst. He makes me strut down the sidewalk like the catwalk that it is.
Artwork was done by a really sexy, sexy British artist I discovered when I was in Miami on a work trip with Teddy Blintz.
I originally conceive this podcast in bed with Prologue projects eating ice Cream one night, Well, it was three in the morning, we were crying about boys, and we were like, wait a minute, we have to do it podcast about this. Ultimately, we have part of ways creatively, but I wish him the best in his future endeavors.
