Carefully RecklessHey y'all! In this episode Jess helps someone who is struggling with helping her younger sister through a hard time. If you have a sibling (or just a loved one in general) who closes off when they're going through something, tap in!
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Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effects And just like that, we're back on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode.
With your girl.
Just hilarious what I be doing. I'll be fixing mess, y'all, and we're gonna jump straight in. Okay, okay, all right, so let's see what we got here. We don't have any voice memos. Feel free to send them. People, feel free. I know y'all hate doing it, but Jesus Christ, just feel free, please, because I'm so sick of trying to read y'all. Goddamn, I got a calm down every time. I'm so sick of trying to read y'all goddamn stories. And y'all are not using proper literature, proper english, you guys are not like It's like mixing slang with no punctuation marks. So it just looked like a rap song.
If I'm making.
Sense, it just don't sound anyway. Let me just get started. Y'all know I'm a fuss at y'all, and so this shit is over anyway.
What's up? Just hope every thing as well for you. Let me get into it.
So. I have a little sister. She's three years younger than me, and she is basically my best friend. I think she has been going through something and has been holding out on me. We usually tell each other everything, but lately she has been distant in a way. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I know it's something she's going through. Like we still talk every day. I even check her social media to make sure everything is cool and it looks fine, but something just seems off. I wanted to pop up on her to surprise her, but every time I try to get an idea of her schedule, it's like she kind of gives me the run around, like she doesn't want me to know what she's doing, or just simply don't want to be bothered. So it has me questioning did I do something wrong or maybe she just really needs me? Or could I be just overthinking everything and told you.
I'm trying to y'all. I want to read the story like she's saying it. You know what I mean? But she mind?
Or could I just be overthinking everything and she's just maybe going through her own thing? Girl, I don't know, but all I know is I don't like it, and I just want to be there for her. But I don't know how you have a little sister. Does this ever happen to you? And if it does, how do you handle it?
Like?
What should I say, Okay, I struggle through the end there, but you know it's all right. I beared with you, and I'm hopefully, hopefully, I'm hoping that my listeners bear it with me all right now. Yes, I have a little sister, and yes, what they do is they grow up and they start doing things on their own, they start making decisions on their own. And listen, let me tell you, I can't sympathize with you more, okay, because my little sister, Nayah, she is my baby. No, we are eleven years apart. You and your sister are three years apart, and I don't know how old you are. You didn't provide any of that context, but that's okay. She's still your baby sister, and I can relate to that now. When I first came to live with me, she was seventeen or no, eighteen, something like that. Yes, and eighteen or nineteen, I'm not sure either way.
It was.
It was years ago, a few years ago, right, and we had was we were already we were getting getting close, but we got so much closer when she moved in and I started like she became my little baby. She was always my baby sister. But we just created a bond living with each other that we had never had before, like prior to us living with each other, you know what I mean.
And I don't want to see her leave the nest. You know.
I was there when she got her license, you know, I gave her our first car, you know.
And that's a being so she was, she was. She's definitely a spoil little brat, you know.
But now, but my little sister has went through so much in her life and then so coming to live with me, we had the most deepest conversations, the most deepest of conversations, right And we've traveled together for the past three years, and we've done nothing but breathe each other's air. And I'm talking about when I'm on my minstrel, she's on hers, and she when she comes on hers, like she bluetooths me.
And then I get on my.
Cycle and you know, like it's nothing like having a fucking sister, you know, and having a sister that you're close to. And I was the little sister for a long time because we have an older brother, you know.
But then when I actually.
Got to fall into that role of being a big sister, once I grew up and I realized what life was about. And I, you know, just learning on, you know, catching on to things that you go through in life and just learning life. And now I'm a mother of two and you know, with the fiance, I'm about to get married, and I have my own businesses ploral business, thank god, because none of it will be possible without him.
I start teaching my.
Little sister the importance of what it's like to own your home instead of renting, and just teaching her how to grow up, you know, like you know, it's better to you know, lease cars if you know you're going to buy new ones every goddamn year, lease them, you know, And how to save money, save a certain percentage of every check that you get, you know, and you put it in the savings and trust funds and life insurance and health insurance, and.
You know, how to you know, even with friends.
So I've been trying to help her fix her mess, and she got with me, you know, because that's what I do. And to be honest, she helps me fix mine too. That's what my little sister does for me, you know. And I'm saying all of this to say so I've learned her in and out and she's learned me in and out. Now she knows when something's wrong with me, just like I can sense when something is wrong with her. She can walk in the room and not have to say a word, and I will no immediately there's something wrong now, because Nya is that's my little sister. Because she is not the person who just puts all of her business out on front street like she she's more so like she won't come to you. She won't come to me until she's tried to fix the problem at hand, until she exhausts all options, because she doesn't want to be a burden to me. She doesn't want to feel like she always wants something or needs something, So she has this thing. Well, she'll hold on to whatever she's going through, and she will try to make it seem like she ain't going through a damn thing.
And I know she's just like me. I cannot be phony.
Hold up, hold up, I know the shit getting good. But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. One thing that people have always said about jess before I became Justselearius is Jessica Robin Moore growing up? Is you cannot be phony. You can tell when something's going on with Jess. I wear my emotions out on my face, on my sleeve, outside of my body, my body language. When I cannot. I cannot hide when I'm uncomfortable. I cannot hide when I am upset. I cannot hide when I am angry, and I cannot hide when I'm sad, and I damn sure can't.
Hid when I'm about to blow up on my neck, as y'all have seen you do in the past. But I am reformed now. But I don't pry.
It's good not to pry, you know, because sometimes you can scare a person away from opening up to you if you press too hard for them to share with you what they're going through. Sometimes you just got to let things simmer, and you gotta let them. You got to let that build up and to the point to the point where they can't take it anymore, you know, and they can come to you and say, look, this is what I'm dealing with. I don't know how it got to this point. I don't know how to get out of it. I just need some type of help, you know. My sister, she has come to me on many occasions like that. But what I always tell her is, listen, you're not alone.
I understand you're so.
Used to dealing with everything on your own because, like I said, she had to, she had to endure some things growing up. And because of that, that is also a result of not communicating right away when something's wrong as a result of how she grew up.
You understand what I'm saying.
So I don't know if that's the same with your sister, but I learned not to press so hard now.
The other side to that is you sometimes you need to pry.
Sometimes you need to dig it out of somebody because they will sit there and they will fall into depression or they will start having suicidal thoughts, depending on what they're going through. Not saying this is your sister, not saying this was ever my sister. I just know, depending on the severity of you know, what they're enduring. You just never know what they're thinking or what's going through their mind, you know. And like, depression is real, and it's hard to fall out of depression.
After you've gotten in it.
A lot of people don't even realize that they are depressed, and by the time they do, they're so far into it. It's just like a new normal for them, which is very horrible. It's horrible and it's hard to deal with, you know what I mean. And I have been depressed before. Some people's willpower is stronger than others, you know.
I came about it, that thing, no help, need it, you know. But well I'm not gonna lie.
A lot of talking to God, a lot of praying. I just meant, no professional help like therapy and things like that. But that's also a key ingredient to killing depression too, therapy, counseling, talking, venting, you know. So I think you should just make her feel comfortable, you know what I mean, Just make because you don't want to scare her away.
You don't want her to feel like.
Damned like because she may not even know how to muster her up the words to tell.
You what's going on.
You know, it may be something so bad that she don't even know how to talk about it. You just never know, So you have to be very careful with people. You feel me, You understand what I'm saying.
Just be careful and don't push her away.
However, you still need to talk to her, sit down with her and talk with her and just meet her on a level of.
Meet her where she is, and I know you can say, well where if I get she I don't know.
I'm trying to figure it out, you know what I'm saying, like, make her feel safe enough, provide that safe environment for her, for her.
To open up to you.
You know, you may feel like the way you know, You may feel like you want to know right now, right then and there, but she ain't ready to talk about it. You know, she may tell you in pieces, you know, but I know from my experience with me being a.
Big sister, having a little sister who goes through things.
You know, I let her come to me sometimes, but when I feel like it's weighing on her and everybody else can see it, then I'll sit her down and I'll say, you know, hey, you may not want to tell me what's going on right now. You may not even want to tell me what's going on later, but I want you to know you are not alone. You are okay. I will not judge you for whatever you go through. I got you, I'm your big sister. We're closed. You know, we have a bond that cannot be tainted, It cannot be corrupted, It listen, you, my baby, whatever you go through, I go through. And because I don't know, I can't help you. If there's anything you need, just let me know, even if you don't want to tell me right now. Just think about it and just always know that I am here. You know, you just have to provide those spaces for her. A lot of people get upset at people for not just spewing everything right away, you know, being an open book. It's not easy for everybody. It's not easy, you know. And I used to be that way.
I used to be the open book.
I used to be the person that that was like, okay, look, I'm letting her I know everything.
Like my mother could come in the room and give me a hug. You know how you.
About to cry and somebody to give you a hun You just like cry uncontrollably.
You just bust out and burst out in them damn tears.
I was always an open book, you know, with whether it be with like a boyfriend or friends, whatever, everybody would always know what the fuck I'm going through because I've never been a person to leave shit in and just let it get bottled up until I snap. Now I have snapped, but not because I've kept something in for so long just because that was that used to be my personality in the way that I dealt with things, which was not healthy as well. But as I've gotten older, I learned that you can't just unload everything all the time because.
Then people use things against you or you know.
And I used to be scared of vulnerability, being too vulnerable with a person, you know, because so that could also be her issue. You know, she wants to be strong, and a lot of people just they don't want to come off as week. That was my problem as well, like I don't want to come off as week, So let me just stop telling all of my business, you know, amongst other reasons. I stopped letting people know everything why I was upset about everything. And you know, but people do get angry when you don't just unload. You know, you have to take your time. It's baby steps with her, Like I said, it could be something very very serious that she doesn't know how to tell you or anybody. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.
Also, just some questions for you. She in a relationship is she?
Because I don't know, y'all, ages like, is she in high school? Is she in college? Do you feel like she's stressed out about the influences around her. I know a lot of depression has come from social media. These younger folks are looking and lusting over other people's lives, and they're feeling like they're not doing enough because everybody online look like they got it going on, and they're rich, and they don't work jobs, and you don't have to. You if you work a job that's corny and that's no, no, you'll be broke forever.
You shouldn't have a job. You should start your own business.
I know, it's a lot of things that goes into why a lot of people are walking around not.
Happy these days. You understand it's a lot.
And then given the economy, given our president, honey, given the the state that America is in right now, that's just the word on its own.
You just never know what somebody is going through.
Do you know if she has a boyfriend that's you know, that could be verbally or mentally making her feel away or just whatever. I don't want to say physical, because we don't know, but shit, maybe maybe not.
We don't know.
Does she have a girlfriend, is she struggling to come out to you. You Have you seen anything other than what you have been seeing? Have you seen any other behavioral changes, you know, any different any changes in her routine? Do you guys live together? Are you close enough with her to know that she's moving differently more than what you just see right now? You know you said you went on our social media to check, like, does she have other friends that you can reach out to and talk to? Does she is she closer with another sibling of you guys, you know, because I don't know if you too are the only children, because again you didn't let me know. Do you guys have another sister that she may be closer with that she opened up to you? Just want to make sure everything is okay? Are you Is she closer? Is she close with your parents?
You know?
It? Just there are certainly other ways to get to the bottom of it without being so I forget the word I'm looking for, intrusive, like don't don't intrude on her, don't make her feel bombarded, you know, don't be so don't over don't be overbearren that that's one of the words I was looking for, you know, because everybody handles what they're going through differently.
Everybody handles things differently, and yeah, so that's that.
Like I said, just the only thing you can do is just follow my initial advice, you know, sit down with her and provide that safe space, let her know you are there, and then you can be even a little take it a step further and just be more transparent with her.
You can say, listen, I notice.
Just tell her what you notice, you know, don't even ask her, hey, what's wrong?
Open up to me, let me know.
No, just tell her what you notice and tell her that you've seen her happier. You've seen happier days with her, and it just seems like it's not it's not the same, so something had to change. You don't have to tell me right now. But I noticed that you may not be okay.
You may not.
Don't just tell her I notice you're not okay. I mean, because you know that could be a little pushy as well. I'm just trying to teach you how to treat the situation fragile, you know what I mean, because like I said, we don't know what she's going through, and you, as big sister, you feel helpless, don't you You feel like, damn, I don't I don't know how to help you.
You know.
I felt so bad and guilty and beating up on myself because there are times that I couldn't figure out what was wrong with Naya, you know. But she eventually comes and she tells me and she shares what she goes through, you know, and we just have to give everybody grace in time to come to us.
You know. Hopefully she is praying, Hopefully.
She's not having any suicidal thoughts, because that's when you step the fuck in, like, don't care whatever. That's why I said it's it could be tricky. You don't want to push too hard, but then you don't want us to fall back too far either, because if anything happens, then you feel like shit. I knew something was fucking wrong and I didn't do everything I could, you know, So just sat down with her immediately and let her know you are there. You do notice some things, and you want her to be better. You want for her to get better. You want nothing more than that. Because you tell her how much you love her, poor to her, you know, that might make her cry, That might make you cry. Seeing you cry, may even make her feel like oh you do see me. Okay, look, I might as well just let it out and tell you right now, okay what you know what I mean? But just provide me a little bit more context. I mean, you know, a little bit more context with the questions.
That I asked you. You know what I mean. Give me some more meat on the bone, y'all? All right, keep me updated, baby girl.
And if nobody has told you I love you and your little sister and you need to call her and tell her you love her right now, right now. But don't call her and have that conversation. You need to sit down with her and have that conversation. I don't know if she lives with you, I don't know, but sit down. That's a face to face conversation. I just want to tell you that before I get out of here. Face to face. A lot of times text messages can get misconstrued and misinterpreted. You may sound insensitive, you may you know, man, Texting is not the greatest form of communication when dealing with something so serious. A phone call is not the best form of communication. When dealing with something so serious, a face to face conversation make time for that. I understand. People may be busy people may have jobs. Your little sister maybe in school. Whatever y'all got to do with y'all live is make time to talk to her face to face. Okay, okay, And before I get out of here, I want to say to all my listeners as well, check on your people. Check on your fucking people. Right, it's a lot more depression these days. The depression rate and the mental illness rate is so it's so high, it's higher than it's ever been. You know, a lot of people going through shit with their jobs, and these federal workers losing their jobs, and you know, Elon Musk running the fucking country because the damn show ain't Trump.
No mo uh.
You know, it's just a lot of things that we've been having to endure. I just want to send prayers up for everybody. I'm talking about the LGBT community, you know, the trans community. You know, yes, we've had our back and forth and everything like that, but it's a lot of things that's happening for y'all as well that y'all have to endure on top of already enduring everything else that life throws at you. So my prayers up for you guys as well. Then, you know, just check on your family members too. You know, a lot of older folks are having these these issues with fucking insurances, you know, and not being able to get their prescriptions and shit. You know, so a lot of shit like that pisces me off. I have one grandmother left, God Rest early and soul, but I got Helen left.
That's the last grandmama I got.
And you know, just hearing the horror stories that people call up to the job, call up to the radio, y'all all my breakfast club.
They call up to the radio and they complain all the time.
You know, people's daughters and people's kids and grandkids and you know, caretakers and stuff. They're just like, yo, I wasn't able to go get my grandmother's prescription because her insurance has been cut off or she's not getting a call back, and you know, shit, it's just it's super effed up right now, right So just check on people, you know, check on our men, because how can our men stay strong if they're going through shit as well? Everybody is at a time right now we're in our last and evil days, okay, so we all.
Just need to love on each other.
And I know, that's very hard for Americans, African Americans and any and all fucking Americans. We are very very very hard to love, and we're hard we're hard up to give it, you know what I mean.
I mean that. I mean that in the most absolutely profound way.
We are the most greediest, stingiest, most fucked up country, right, the most toxic country, the most corrupt fucking country, and our people are paying for shit.
That we didn't even do.
You know, we ain't even got nothing to do it with the fuck Trump and Elon got going on, and we're having to pay for this shit, Like I really want, does the Constitution matter anymore? Like is there even a constitution? Because I swear to God, it just seems like this nigga got elected, reelected right, came in and just was like, man, fuck all this shit. I'm just going to say. And then it makes you wonder like can a president really do that? Can one man really really do that? Could could this have been something that's been done the whole time? Like just fuck everything? You know, I mean, because I know, when you're the president of the United States, you're very powerful. Yeah you can, you know, you could do almost anything. But at the same time, there aren't any rules even for him. You know, how are you a leader and you don't even.
Child?
I can get started on that, but I will not. I love you all and tune in next week.
Peace Class.
Taking cat.
Name a.
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