Call It What It IsCamilla and Jess discuss men versus women in the workplace while exposing a double standard they themselves uncovered.
Find out why they are absolutely crazy for Taylor and Travis’ most recent move!
And, ‘Call It Unlicensed to Advise’ as the girls help a mom of 2 navigate issues with her fiancé, LIVE!
Call it what it is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Luddington an iHeartRadio podcast.
Hello, Hi, you look like a Disney princess.
Name as Jessica Capshaw.
It's giving Arizona Robbins vibes. By season seven eight, every season when people don't notice about you, every single time Jessica Capshaw came into our glam trailer before work. You would really do a lot of your own hair on the show, which is not the norm I did.
I primarily did because the real reason I did was because I will find a picture of it.
But there was a particularly terrible hairdo.
That I was given season five, and it actually it bridged over from the last episode of season five to the first episode of season six.
Again check my facts, people, I know.
I was like, here we go.
But it was like down the middle part with like the two top pieces like salacked straight back and like firmly secured with bobby pins.
And then there was some like not cute.
Beachy waves like pulled out toussled, but more like ringlets, like.
Like oh yeah, some real ringlets.
We all have a ringlet season on the show.
I don't know why anyone lets that happen.
It was of the time.
If you love back of the time, It's like all those shows are everyone's having those very tight like princess princess hair do is not brushed out, You're keeping those curls in oh never the bottom.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
And then and then we started not curling the ends, which was key. That was what made it look like a really like the wave.
Yeah wave yeah.
Yes.
So is that what started you forever doing your hair on the show, because I feel like you kind of always did well.
Yeah, I think I was. Initially it was in response to, uh a hair a hair do, I can hate it, And then it turned into I had a really long drive to work, so I would usually be in the car for like forty five minutes to an hour and a half if there was traffic, and I didn't want to go from sitting down to sitting down, so I would stand and I would always go to go to go to hair first and I would blow dry my hair and then I would sit down and makeup.
Yeah, I bit the bullet because I was on TikTok and I got convinced because TikTok makes you buy things.
The dice and air wrap.
Oh lordy, it's well, by.
The way, it's super expensive, so it's taken me time to want to commit. Right, that's a very expensive hair situation, a piece of a piece of equipment. But people really have trouble online doing it. So it's just sitting there right now. I've been a little bit intimidated to try the whole wraps. I haven't unboxed it, no, and there's so many pieces. It's like an inspector gadget of freaking, you know, hair styling equipment.
Like guess what I've been doing this week?
Tell me.
Okay, So I don't know that we mentioned this on the podcast, but my mother, Kate Capshaw, started her career as an actress and we moved to New York City when I was a little girl, and she was a model first and then she started acting and she got her very first movie in New York City, directed by Bruce Paltrow and he became one of her bestest friends in the whole world. But anyways, so she was doing a movie in New York City and I was I don't know, five or six, and I just remember it being like the most magical thing, like the trailers would park along the streets and the trees the way that they would bend over the side, and people were walking along, and you know, you're disrupting real life to create this alternative life.
And my mom was just like young and beautiful. It's just she I against the world.
And I got hired as a extra in like a wedding scene, so I actually got to come to work with her one day. Anyways, I have these memories cemented in my mind of how ideal and wonderful it is to shoot a movie on the streets of New York City, and I've always moved towards that. I've always wanted that, Like every time a movie is in New York I've always been like, oh, I hope I get it, or I hope this works out, and just so far, it just hasn't been my story. And I got a phone call saying, Hey, would you like to come do this movie for a couple of days in New York City? And I said, yeah, this is going to be like the completion of a dream that I've had. And it's been as good as I thought it would be walking around New York City and coming in and becoming this other character and getting all dressed up and all of it has been so so, so much fun. And I have to say it's been very inspiring to me because a lot of times you think of things and you think like they're never going to happen. I mean, I was like, what five or six, like, what are the chances of me being able to become an actress and do a movie in New York City? And now here I am doing a movie in New York City.
I have a question because I feel like, here's what I'm always curious about. Because they can't shut down all of like Fifth Avenue, Ya. So when you're shooting in a busy, busy city like that. And by the way, guys on Gray's Anatomy, we shoot if we're on location there's barely anybody around, we really can sort of shut it down more. In Los Angeles we're in neighborhoods, it's not the same vibe as New York City, or we're on the hospital set where there is nobody else. So on, when you're walking down the street shooting in New York City, do you have random people just crossing in front of you or just staring at you.
There are ruining the shop.
I wonder this in like Sex and the City, when I'm watching I'm like, how are they shooting any of these shows?
They close down the street that you're working on, or we're like the space that you're working on, and then they like it's like holding traffic, Like they hold people at the perimeter of the space that you're working in, and then you know, when you're when you're paused or done, then they like let people walk through. But I did notice that, you know how like normally on Graze, if if we're shooting and you hear, you know, a backup, a truck backing up, and you hear the beep beep, it's like sound.
Immediately be like hold for sound. Yes, yes, In New York we hold for no one.
We hold for no one.
We hold for fucking nothing.
It can be a five alarm fire, there's ambulances and who it does not matter if we were in a nail salon two days ago. And and I seem like I'm like a crazy person because I'm in the middle of talking about like, oh, we'll hold for the plane, and they're like, hold for the plane.
Would you hold the plane?
Plane? Calm down.
They're not landing. What are you talking about? Keep it going?
Yeah, god, that would be hard for us. I know, we definitely film in a totally different way, little delicate.
Someone coughs, it's over.
Oh, like you know what, you gotta take that whole We gotta start the episode yet for sure.
Yep, yep, go back, go back that. Yeah. Yeah, but it's been great and I've been and i've been.
Christopher is doing a whitewater raft trip with the Big Girls, and Luke has started his summer job, and Josie's been kind of hanging out and so she came into the city yesterday. But I was by myself for like three nights, which I also was great because I got to start catching up on things to watch. And I was watching something and I might have seen your husband.
Oh my gosh, I love that you said this.
He is on a show called Presumed Innocent right now and Jake John Hall.
I didn't know.
It surprised me, so I turned on. Everyone was talking about Presumed Innocent and I started watching it. I loved the movie. I completely forgot you know, well no spoiler alert. It's a murder mystery type situation, and I started watching. But I completely forgot who did it? So does Matt not do it? Don't tell me, don't let me, just let me, just don't tell me.
It for everybody.
You know.
What is so funny to me is that my husband is such a he's the sweetest. He's from the Midwest. He's such a sweet guy in real life, and he guess cast as bad guys all the time or drug dealers. If you've seen him on Thirteen Reasons Why, he's absolutely disgusting. He's dealing drugs to some random kids. And then and then we both done a Lifetime movie early in our careers. I played Princess Kate Middleton. He played a guy that was a janitor pimping out all the high school girls and so oh, I think it's called walking the Halls. He's literally a pimp for the underage. So that's the kind of a resume he's knocking up. But he No, this is a great I love that you mention it. It's a great show.
Okay.
By the way, public opinion, do you like when a show comes out like all of it at once, like the bear just came out and it came all out at once, or do you like when they drive one every week.
I like it when they drop a couple every week. People are craving the Gray's Anatomy experience again, which our show still does. The eighteen episodes, the twenty two episodes we have twenty five, We're not people are not getting that anymore.
And I am reading all.
The time that they consumers are back ready for not just to be dropped in a week. You're kind of done with the show. It's ten episodes, whatever it is, and then you have to wait a couple more years.
You know.
We're all waiting for stranger things. People are waiting for euphori Yah. Yeah, I had an equally as glamorous week as you, really, which I'm very excited to talk about. So you were filming in New York City and you were having that moment and you're out and bustling. I have mainly been on the couch.
Yeah, Yeah, I've been on the couch.
I think I changed my clothes maybe four times in a seven day period. My kids are in camp, and so I've been using that time during the day to literally just sit with myself.
We don't have to.
Do we're not shooting Grace Anatomy right now. We have downtime. I have a three weeks until we're back, and I'm like, what do I want to watch? Like my God, Like, who am I without my children and anybody home? I have been in Binge watching Heaven. What I know?
I just said to tell them.
You know, they don't want all the episodes dropped at once, but when it's like a reality TV show or a documentary, I want it all.
Okay, Okay, okay, okay, So what are you watching?
Okay?
So I have been loving my life, uh watching Netflix, the top one in they're in the top ten right now. There is a documentary series about DCC, the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, and it fought. First off, I love a documentary about cheer I don't know what it is. I think it's caause I grew up in England and it was just like very like fantasy. You know, I grew up with watching Bring It On On all those things.
Is cheerleading or cheer in general? Only American? Does this only happen in America?
Yes?
Yes, this is not no nobody in No, it's.
America the origin.
But that's for another day. Go ahead.
Yes, So I got sucked into this documentary and It follows the tryouts to the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. There it appears to be they're at like their last audition. You really find out it's not, but they're at you. They're they're doing a dance audition. They've got I don't know, I think they're down to like seventy girls something like that. And then they do a cut and then you think that a bunch of them have made the team and they're learning the famous song Thunderstruck that they all run out to on the field at the beginning of a Dallas Cowboys game, and then they cut more girls. They cut one girl because literally she was like too short, which is so wild to be how to do not know that? From the beginning, they're showing the girls training, They're showing their injuries as they go along, the heartbreak, the hard work, the dedication, their backstories where they're from. They're part of a legendary team. Me from England, I knew about the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. I can't really honestly name another cheerleading team. I know that there are others, but I feel like that's a super famous one. But the documentary is definitely being talked about, and I want to talk about it on our show because there's a little controversy surrounding it.
Let's get to it.
Well, what was really shocking is that you watch them training and you're thinking, like, oh my god, these girls, it's midnight. They've got to go home. Think I please, I want them to rest because they're working so hard. They're incredibly talented, and they're waking up to do their other jobs and you're wondering, why do you have to have another job?
Where are they on the team right now? Are they still trying there?
So still trying out.
But even when they make the team, all these girls have to have two jobs. They're one job, which is the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, which they seem to practice in the evenings.
More one of the girls.
For example, on the on the documentary, she is asked specifically what she makes and she doesn't want to say exactly what she makes. She does have another job supporting herself, which is bonkers.
So these young women are coming out, they're auditioning, they're going through how long is the tryout process?
The tryout process goes on for weeks because before they even get to where they get to at the beginning of the documentary, they've already gone through a few auditions. It appears to be about a three week process once you think they've made their team, and then they're even making cuts after that before they do their game, and then the first game, and then of course there's a whole season of football season. Right.
Who's the organization that runs it is? Is it the Dallas Cowboys themselves?
Like the management team of the football team is also running the cheerleading well.
Charlotte Jones is the Cowboys chief brand officer and daughter of owner Jerry Jones, and she's in the documentary a lot. And I feel like she's the head, the head of the head because she picks the coach.
So it's an official it's an official piece or arm of the Dallas Cowboys franchise.
Absolutely, And I want to read to everybody listening a little piece on the Huffington Post because they talked about a woman who started to cheer for the Cowboys in twenty twenty one and was asked to remain anonymous. Told the Hoffington Post she was paid twelve fifty per hour for practices and four hundred for a game. In fact, originally she was paid one hundred for appearances in her first year, and it increased by one hundred dollars every year, and cheerleaders only performed her in home games, but each one requires a commitment of more than twelve hours. However, I think what is so shocking is that the Cowboys organization makes over a billion dollars. Their football players are making millions and millions, So the discrepancy is wild.
Yeah.
Yeah, Well, the reason why I asked who who's banaging it is because these things I feel like they always pretty much stick from the head down.
So I guess why are the cheerleaders not valued?
Well, here's what I don't like about it. There are women in charge of this part of the organization that I think should be really rallying around these girls to get more money. But part of their reasoning is that it's a privilege to be on the team and it's a sisterhood, and that's it's a job.
You get paid for your job. It's not a volunteer position. You get paid for your job. You're not showing up. Girls definitely taught.
That they're replaceable and just to put on the uniform is payment enough.
Well, that's that's the call that that's bullshit.
The Dallas Cowboy football players wearing Dallas Cowboy uniforms, and they don't just say to them it's a privilege to wear the uniform.
They do not, And I don't think that they would show up if that was the case. I don't think they would show up. Okay, So I'm seeing I'm seeing here that Charlotte Jones, who is yes again she's the daughter of Jerry Jones, responds to this and says there's a lot of cynicism around pay for NFL cheerleaders, as it should be. They're not paid a lot, but the facts are they don't actually come here for the money. They come here for something that's actually bigger than that. To them, they have a chance to feel like they are valued, they are special, and they are making a difference. When the women come here, they find their passion and they find their purpose.
This is so it makes me want to It's not a club.
It feels like it's been packaged together in a very disgusting little publicity bow. And nobody is afraid. Everyone's afraid to speak up.
No, I think that the way you show that so someone is valued in the workplaces you pay them, and I think that I would be I mean, I guess that would be. That would be my big question for the powers that be is I mean, I don't know. And in the show me, you don't tell me category of life, they're showing you that they don't value these cheerleaders. So I mean, if I were those cheerleaders, I mean, I feel like you Viva la resistance.
I mean, like that's a strike.
Well, and here's a thing that is exactly what happened with the cheerleaders on the Buffalo Bill's cheerleading squad. They were known as the Buffalo Jills. They sued for wage violations or working conditions in twenty fourteen, and the Bills just shut down the squad entirely.
Yeah. See, that's what I'm That's what I'm wondering.
For stories like that.
It kind of feels like can in your uniform? You're done? And by the way, do you want to be the one girl that says, hey, should we get paid more?
It's hard. It's hard to do that.
It's very hard to do that.
Have you ever been underpaid?
Oh yeah, I mean, oh for sure. I mean even just my waitressing job back in the day. I think about how we were paid. We were basically told like, you don't make any money hourly and it's just going to be from your tips and so you could have a shift that was I mean, by the way, in any job that I've had, you know, I feel like there are moments where you always feel like can I may is it time? And it's hard to speak out? What about you?
I think it's very very hard to speak up.
And I think that mostly it's hard to speak up because you're afraid to lose your job. And then if you don't lose your job, you're pretty sure that I don't know, like nothing's going to happen, Like what, how's it going to change? And you'll just find someone else to fill in for you.
And I think that's exactly what this is about. This is about them feeling all like they're replaceable.
I'm having a hard time comparing the cheerleaders to the football players because of how like insane the disparity is, right like these multi million dollar contracts versus is minimum wage? So do you like That's the part that I kind of I want to get at with this management situation, Like do they care if they lose their cheerleaders.
Oh, I think they absolutely would care if they lost their cheerleaders. I mean they're they're talking at how some people come to the game for that right, and they're part of the institution, the institution.
I don't love that the daughter of the owner that runs it said what she said.
No, she's kind of the worst.
Actually, yeah, I think she's pretty bad.
And you can question k Yeah, no, I.
Really well, I think it's I think it's even worse because of the language she uses, because I mean, wow, even just throwing in there.
It's about a sisterhood that they're able to form. Like when has the guy ever been told that he was at work from the brotherhood?
No?
Oh my god? Can you imagine?
Something else huge happened this week Jessica.
Travis Kelsey on stage at the Eras tour with Swift.
And he was not Yeah he was.
He was not in the private tent situation where he's been.
Doing his dance that gets at the arm up. I know. It was very people were swoon swoon.
I mean, I wanted to see every angle. I wanted to see if there was another angle from.
Five miles away from the moon. I needed to see the moon.
I wasn't she wearing a GoPro on her head? I wanted the angle.
I wanted we need drones. Yes, how can I ask you?
Because I did think of you, Because I was like, if I had picked any you know, European city to go to, I would have been like maybe I would have gone to London.
But you were in Paris.
Do you now wish that you had been at the Trappists? Oh you're a.
Tinge of like, Oh man, I was so close.
I know, right, No, I mean uh I no. I loved I loved our show and I loved our whole experience. It could not have been any any any better there was it was, and I got to see him, and I did get to see I mean he They are just so lovely. And I'm not one of those people who, like I truly am not. I don't like watch people from Afar and come up with me, you know in my mind like what's going on? I try not to do that so often. But they just seem very very happy. And I just loved watching him. I mean, listen, Ultimately, they're both performers, right, I mean, he's a football player, but there's a performance aspect to what he does, and he seems very good natured and very game to to to have been there, and I just I don't know, I thought it.
Was so sweet, like it just showing up in person.
Did you feel like there was like equal adoration between both of them, like they were actully as yummy for the other.
I did, I did, I did, And she just finished an entire show, I mean truly like they I mean, you wouldn't have known it, because she really looked like she could have kept going on, but like you know, I mean sweating and like having done a three hour show and of course, like you know, like you know, stopping to say hi to us, which was like, oh my gosh.
And again I don't know that my brain was really.
Working all that well because I was also looking at Josephine, like is her her eye is going to pop out of her actual head? But he was just so very kind and she was and there was it was just very It was I Josephine and I were both like super gobba smacked, and she couldn't believe that he was there, like really couldn't believe that he was there.
Was there's a trd of me that told me that they're secretly engaged.
That's what everyone's talking about, right, Everyone wants them to be engaged. They want to be pregnant, all of it.
Oh, the whole thing.
I know people are very much for amazing. The reason I loved about it is I feel like Travis Kelsey doesn't take himself too seriously, which is very charming.
And he was gamed to be up there.
He did the little like, you know, the little blush thing, put her on her, trolling her to smile, and you know, he's like, you know, using the little fan.
If you guys haven't.
Seen this, then it's going to take you to second what have you been doing? It's gonna take you two seconds to see every angle alive if you go anywhere near social media. But I here's what I really love about it.
Here's the petty in me.
You want to hear this? Okay, So Taylor and haven't been dating for a while, and could she have bought him out in Paris?
Sure?
Could she have waited? You know, she still has shows in Indiana, New Orleans. She could have maybe bought him out in Indiana in New Orleans, right, But she did it in London.
I'm picking up what you're putting down, are you?
Because I'm not just talking about London Boy.
I'm talking about She's had a handful of Brits in her past right now. She's had Calvin Harris, she's had London Boy, she's had Tom hittleson there are ham And I think the fact that you.
Oh, Matt Healey whatever his.
Name is the fact that you bring him out in that city the petty and me was like, oh what it? Oh any city?
You're like, you.
Guys, all those exes, British axes, here's my dude.
He looks he's.
Twenty feet tall and he's game, and he's so cute and the whole crowd. I mean what I mean, there's no way that she did not pick that city on purpose. We all know Taylor Swift is so strategic and the best way possible, Jesus, the smartest way possible.
Jesus smarty. I loved it. I loved well. I listen. I think that that very well might be. I loved the joy.
They looked like they were having fucking fun. And I think that there's that that beginning of a relationship, or there's just a really good relationship where you kind of have that thing where you only have eyes for each other, like when you're looking at that person, everybody goes away, but usually it's not, you know, on ninety thousand people and you're not on stage at Oneley Stadium.
But it looked like that.
They looked like they were looking at each other, and it did like nobody else mattered.
And I think that that that.
Brand of fun and joy and magic and the fact that they got to tell the story together that you know, likely she came up while sitting in front of a piano and coming up with the whole story and everything else, and then all of a sudden.
There they are, and it's just so cool, so so cool.
And also I mean I think that then, like you hear everybody else's opinions about it, and this you know all of it. And I think the thing that I also was struck by was they really they really knew how to take care of each other and show up for each other, Like it was so apparent that that was easy for them, and that's not actually an easy thing to do. I mean, she always makes all of that look really easy, but it's not easy. And he got up there in that tuxedo and picked her up and put her down and played the whole drama of the scene. I mean I was, I mean truly, I was, like like literally eating popcorn on the side, just.
Watching, And I think that's it. I mean, obviously, it's so fun, it's so romantic. We're all loving it. I'm petty, and I love the like seek what wink Q to maybe any brit X, but like deeper than that, the showing up for her in the way that she needs clearly and is enjoying and leaning into. I think that that's honestly the sexiest thing about Travis Kelsey.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I wonder if it's because when you're in that position, it probably feels like there's likely not a lot that you get to keep private, and so in a weird way, it kind of would invite you to just live your life out loud, Okay, Like I mean, I mean, I've seen the quotes that he's given, but I love that he's just like, this is this is who I'm in love with, this is who I'm in love with, and this is like, this is where I'm at, And why wouldn't I, you know, go up there and be able to do that and say that and have that kind of fun, and I think it's inspirational. I mean, maybe all have people that we would show. I mean, by the way, I'm sorry, let's talk about the real for a second.
Do you think he was nervous?
I think I would be shutting my pants if I've got my textingo on.
I'm standing on stage. This is not my business.
I now, all of a sudden, I want to lift that's coming up out of nowhere, and I'm gonna go back down on it again. I gotta get in the biggest star in the whole entire world. I'm lifting her up, I'm putting her down. There's people screaming, there's cameras everywhere.
Now wait, like I literally asked, he was walking.
I mean, obviously it went well because I would have known. I saw it after the fact that I was thinking to myself, God, please on trip, Oh my god, Like if you trip and you drop Taylor.
Swift, Oh yeah, it's over.
Completely. No, of course, You've got to be so nervous. And now I'm gonna laugh because he does. You know, he shows up to the shows a lot, and he's gonna, you know, be in any show after this.
People are gonna know that music.
Break he showed up in and they're gonna be turning to the private tent and eyeballing him if he leaves, because he'd stays, you know, it's not happening.
And oh you think that it could be a repeat performance.
I mean probably not that.
If you're there, are you praying, Yes, I'm praying, honestly, I'm praying for a proposal. I'm praying for an on stage. Would it be not romantic? Probably in front of everybody? Yeah, no, they should do that privately. For me, Camilla Lunnington, I want to be there. I want to see the I want to see the lights gleaming off this giant diamond ring.
For her again.
I want to go cry with her.
I want her to ask the whole audience to be her bridesmaids and be part of it.
Get the invite, the whole thing. Yeah.
No, it was definitely. This was a good week in the news for that situation.
I know people so like, how's your week going, I'm like, oh my god, it was really good. So Travis Kelsey got off on stage of Taylor's lift and I was like, nothing to do with my family, It's more important mat it's more important.
I'm sorry.
Here's the thing that I thought was most radically.
Awesome was that it wasn't just him supporting her, like it felt like there was a mutual support. Like they looked like they were in their own world having fun for each other, Like they understood each other and they knew what would make the other one enjoy it even more, like.
They just it just like it looked like exactly like a relationship. Shit, I don't know.
The royals were there.
Yeah, And by the way, you know what I liked about it is I saw did you see the video of Prince William doing a little like Yes, he was.
Doing shake it off.
He was fully shaking it all.
I love it.
It was really I was like, look, I have never in my life seen Prince William gyrating.
To anything.
Hey, I have a question, are we gonna do we have any fan questions today?
Absolutely?
What Ryan Bond is about to join us via zoom and she says, I'm a mama to two kids under five and also a full time paramedic. My fiance works from home when he is mentally and physically exhausted after being with the kids all day. I try to validate his feelings. He always shames me and tells me you're never alone with the kids for more than a few hours at a time, as if I'm not working an intense job to provide for our family. Is there any advice you can offer for working moms trying to balance work life as well as home life. This is a tough one. And by the way, this is right on our subject, Jess of support in relationships. Ye showing up and supporting. Okay, so we need to bring it in. We just read your question to our listeners. First off, congratulations on having two little ones.
Thank you.
And it sounds like you have a crazy job and being a paramedic.
I have so much that job.
So tell us a little more about what's going on. How long have you guys been together?
For five years?
And then what is his frustration when you when you try to validate his feelings? What is his what is his frustration with you?
He doesn't think that I understand the whole aspects of him being home with the kids, and you know, I'm home with them for a few hours after I get home from work and then they're in bed. I don't I don't know why he gets so frustrated when I try and uh like say that I feel him and I understand. I think he just doesn't think I get what he's going through.
Have you asked him what what would feel good?
I mean, if validating his feelings of being you know, exhausted doesn't feel yeah to him would feel good.
I mean, I've like offered, you know, I'll stay home, you know, on sick time and take the kids, you go out, you go do your thing, or take a nap, but he doesn't take naps, and you know he has work to.
Do and it's exhaust Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, having having two kids under five is no joke. It's really a lot of work for for you know, for everybody.
So where are you at with it now? I mean, are you is it same place? Does it mostly feel mad or sad.
For me or for him? That's question?
Jess. Yeah, I think for him more mad. For me, I guess more sad.
Mm hmm.
Both of them are already in a preschool during the day, and yeah, does that take up a large chunk of the day. That kind of relieves him a little bit. I mean, listen, I understand even and whether they're a preschool for forever. It still yeah, feels like you're you know.
Yeah.
So I leave the house before anybody else is up.
So he takes them to preschool.
They get dropped off at like seven, and then he picks them up at like five thirty in the afternoon. So from five thirty until like seven thirty unless I have a late call and don't get home until later, is what he has alone with them.
Here's something about guys.
I sometimes I feel like the practical works with men a little bit more so it's like, what what do you need? Because I'm telling you, I understand how you're feeling, and you that's not helping you in any way. And I understand that sometimes even those two hours, by the way, I call them like the twilight hours, because with kids it can be really hard, yeah, and at that time, and they're not easy hours even though they're just two hours. I wonder if it's on Sundays, would it help if I if we together food prep a little bit for the kids and shove you know, makes a bunch of burritos and shove it in the freezer, would that help you? What is something practical we can do that will help you?
Life partnership marriage, it's like, it's actually never, it's it's always going to need your attention with regards to how you communicate, right, because it's never gonna there's gonna be easy stuff. There's an easy times, there's gonna be hard times. But how you communicate is the only thing you can kind of control.
So the way you speak to each other.
And I think that that it sounds to me like in your letter, you know, whenever I see people say always and never, I'm like, oh, we're there, right, because we're at the point or were like, it's always.
Like this, it's never gonna be okay.
And when we start using words like that, I think we almost done. Some level are already playing out where this conversation goes right, and it doesn't allow.
For there to be a fix.
That doesn't allow there to be an opportunity to say, like, you know what if we try it this way, it's just it's always the foregone conclusion. So I would say, first of all, like, how do you get back to rolling back.
The always in the nevers?
Right?
Like, how do we make this so that there could be a different outcome. It sounds like you guys have gotten into a little bit of a of a of a.
Recycler, and yeah, usually the conversations go the exact same way every time. Yeah, so yeah, I've just gone to the conclusion that that's how they're always going to go.
Yeah, so I think that it sounds like maybe you need to or it could be an option to look at him and say, in a quiet moment, when maybe the kids are asleep, how do we hit the reset button? Like, can we hit the reset button? And whether it's by yourself and writing it down or me by myself or us just calm me talking about the practical things that we can do to lighten our load.
But I let's start with the basics.
I love you, and you and I were here first, So how do we keep this.
In Yeah, we go on vacation tomorrow, so hopefully.
Yes, Well hit the reset button. There, oh my god, please hit the reset button. Hit the reset button, come back and come back with strategy. It won't happen magically, but hit the reset button, come up with the plan, and then work the plan. Because also your last question, it's like for working moms trying to balance work life and home life. There, I'm sorry, it's my truth, but it's there's no balance. It's only compromise. On any given day, you're gonna be a better mom or you're gonna be a better person in the workplace. But it's never you can't do both at the same time. But I actually I have to say, looking at your face on the zoom, I have great comfift and send you. You look like someone who wants this to be better. And if you have the opportunity to go away, yeah, you do.
You do. I can see it.
So you now have an opportunity to go away and be with and look, it's also hard to forget, like, oh my gosh, that's your boyfriend. Remember that was your boyfriend before he was also the dad and everything else. So go and have some fun.
Yeah.
I also think just before we go, I think that there's two things. I think that sometimes we want to say, like I get it that it's so hard, But I think sometimes it's helpful to say I don't get it. You're right, I'm not with them as many hours as you. And this sounds I'm hearing from you how tough it is. I'm so I can't fully understand this experience.
We love a zoom.
You hear about the vacation.
Yes, I have no idea where we're going, so surprised. Yeah, oh my god, passport.
Oh very romantic, like we're none.
If you started with that, we would have logged off because this sounds amazing.
We'll see, we'll see.
Okay, good luck with Brian to you and your family, and I hope you get some relaxing time, both you and your husband or fancy.
By Morgan wrote us, and she said a year ago, I caught feelings for a coworker who is twelve years older than me. I told him my feelings in April and he said he wanted to take things slow. How do I know if things are moving just slow enough or if he's stringing me along? I have a couple things to say, Well, I want.
To know their actual ages.
Well, I think maybe the most important part of the story is that they are having a workplace situation, which I think is very important for people to understand.
Is something that is very tricky and likely.
I mean I don't know where they work, but likely there needs to be sort of a certain order of things, and I don't I think you need to take out the variables of actually like I mean, if he's older maybe he knows there are rules to this, maybe he does not know there are rules to this. But I think that ultimately this is not enough to go on and I feel like this, I feel like Morgan needs to get curious and ask some more questions.
Yeah, I mean the hard thing is is like there's a part of me that's just like just fucking ask like are you like do you see a future or do you not? And I feel real instinct is like we know, we ignore sometimes we ignore the instinct, but we still know. And so I feel like if you streight up kind of like you'll find out the answer, you'll be out a tall.
Yeah, there needs to be some questions. We need some We need questions with follow up questions.
Why don't you read Anna? Because Anna's reminding me of our Taylor Swift Javis Kelsicker.
It's such a.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
Anna says my ex would never post me on social media ever in the.
Eight years we were together.
Eight years we were together, he would post everyone else but me and hide me like a secret. My new man posts me, flunts me and is proud to be with me and show me off. Is not posting your significant other a red flag.
Uh yeah, we just talked about this.
It's a big old, big old red flag. It's a big, big, big, big, big big big one the grid.
I'm gonna do like a little grid dance. This is the grid.
Yeah, I'm gonna do that. I'm not one.
It's not on the grid.
You don't exist, it's not happening eight years and you're not on the grid.
That actually almost seems criminal.
Yes, And you know what, after we talked about the grid, we got a lot of responses on social media saying, oh my god, I'm not on so and so's grid, what does that mean? Or yes, I was never on the grid and it was a total red flag that I ignore it, And now I realize it is a rule.
Yes, it's a red X. It's a big fat no. So you know, it's the past. Is in the past, and you don't need to like beat yourself up about it. But eight years is a very long time, and.
Usually your grid is also just a representation of what you're spending your time on. So look at it that way. Is he not spending his time with you if he's spending time anyone.
Else on the grid. Like listen, some people use their social media purely for business, right, Like it's there. They own a gym and they're doing their workouts on there, Like that's fine. It's a different thing. But it's all if you know, Joe is on there, and Brad's on there, and you knows on there except you. Yes, it's a it's a red flat. And we're talking this whole episode about well some of this episode about being able to show up. And I think what's super charming about Travis not to go back to Travis and Taylor, but we may have to, is that it's like that public that public declaration is adorable, and it looks it looks like those two people are in it, and you want to I think it's publicly if he's posting about being in it with his friends and doing other things and or she is and yeah, big red flag.
Sorry guys, Yeah.
If you disagree, let us know. If you disagree, you want to hear from you and tell us why.
Ye ye, okay, call it crew. What are we gonna call this? I think we're gonna call this be the end of the episode.
End of the episode,
