If you're feeling the negative effects of stress, don't miss today's Building Relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman.

If you're feeling the negative effects of stress, don't miss today's Building Relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman.

There is hope. There are practical things you can do to dial down the intensity and the pain of that stressful response. Hope is a very powerful biblical principle as well. And it's not just a platitude. It's true because God's Word is true.

There is hope. There are practical things you can do to dial down the intensity and the pain of that stressful response. Hope is a very powerful biblical principle as well. And it's not just a platitude. It's true because God's Word is true.

Welcome to building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times best seller The Five Love Languages. Well, we live in a stressed out world. Adults, teens and children are experiencing heightened stress levels so much that many say they simply can't function. What can we do about this problem?

Welcome to building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times best seller The Five Love Languages. Well, we live in a stressed out world. Adults, teens and children are experiencing heightened stress levels so much that many say they simply can't function. What can we do about this problem?

Doctor Charles Stone is going to answer that question today. He's going to tell us more about stress, what it does to our bodies, our brains and our souls. Really. He's written the book Stress Less nine habits from the Bible and Brain Science to build resilience and reduce anxiety. You can find out more at Building Relationships. And Gary, you have a busy schedule. I hear about all your travels, about the different continents you're speaking on, all the people that you're speaking to and the deadlines that you have. But you are one of the least stressed people I think I've ever known in my life. What is your secret?

Doctor Charles Stone is going to answer that question today. He's going to tell us more about stress, what it does to our bodies, our brains and our souls. Really. He's written the book Stress Less nine habits from the Bible and Brain Science to build resilience and reduce anxiety. You can find out more at Building Relationships. And Gary, you have a busy schedule. I hear about all your travels, about the different continents you're speaking on, all the people that you're speaking to and the deadlines that you have. But you are one of the least stressed people I think I've ever known in my life. What is your secret?

I don't know if I have a secret, Chris. You know one thing though. My wife has always said to me, wherever you are, be all there.

I don't know if I have a secret, Chris. You know one thing though. My wife has always said to me, wherever you are, be all there.

Mhm.

Mhm.

Well, that's helped me, you know that. Don't be thinking about other stuff that's on the docket. You know, wherever you are, be all there. I think that has helped, you know, uh, and I don't know, maybe I just grew up in the South, you know, where you just relax and take things as they come. But I'm excited about our program today. I think we're going to learn some things that are going to be very helpful to our listeners.

Well, that's helped me, you know that. Don't be thinking about other stuff that's on the docket. You know, wherever you are, be all there. I think that has helped, you know, uh, and I don't know, maybe I just grew up in the South, you know, where you just relax and take things as they come. But I'm excited about our program today. I think we're going to learn some things that are going to be very helpful to our listeners.

I wonder if what you're saying there's a spiritual component of that, because that's what you just described, is how I picture Jesus as well, with the woman at the well, with the rich young ruler, with Nicodemus. You know, all this is like he was all there, right? In those conversations. So let's meet our guest today. Doctor Charles Stone, he has served for 43 years in vocational ministry, 30 of those senior pastor. He recently completed a nine year role as lead pastor of West Park Church in London, Ontario in Canada. Multicultural congregation with more than a thousand attendees. He's written eight books and now serves as a coaching consultant to pastors and leaders. He and his wife, Cheryl, have been married for 45 years. They have three adult children and five grandchildren. And our featured resource today is that book Stress Less. You can find out more at Building Relationships.

I wonder if what you're saying there's a spiritual component of that, because that's what you just described, is how I picture Jesus as well, with the woman at the well, with the rich young ruler, with Nicodemus. You know, all this is like he was all there, right? In those conversations. So let's meet our guest today. Doctor Charles Stone, he has served for 43 years in vocational ministry, 30 of those senior pastor. He recently completed a nine year role as lead pastor of West Park Church in London, Ontario in Canada. Multicultural congregation with more than a thousand attendees. He's written eight books and now serves as a coaching consultant to pastors and leaders. He and his wife, Cheryl, have been married for 45 years. They have three adult children and five grandchildren. And our featured resource today is that book Stress Less. You can find out more at Building Relationships.

Well, doctor Stone, welcome to building Relationships.

Well, doctor Stone, welcome to building Relationships.

Doctor Chapman, it's great to be with you.

Doctor Chapman, it's great to be with you.

What inspired you to write a book about stress?

What inspired you to write a book about stress?

Well, to put it simply, a lot of stress in a short period of time. And going back to Covid, my wife and I were actually before it really hit, we were only one of these fancy vacations where you can, you know, buffets everywhere. I love buffets, so enjoying that. But the problem with this place we stayed was it had Wi-Fi everywhere. And I'm kind of a news junkie. I was following this thing called Covid and I was telling my wife, I said, you know, Sheryl, they're going to shut us down. Well, we finished our vacation, flew back to Pearson Airport in Toronto, and the terminal we flew into, you had to take a bus to go from one place to the other. Well, that bus that took us to the next terminal, everybody was really quiet except to her. This repeated Phrase toilet paper. I'm thinking, what in the world is the toilet paper about? Then I realized that there was this toilet paper shortage because of Covid. And in Canada, as a pastor, we were shut down in a draconian fashion. I mean, several months at a time. So about 2 or 3 days in, when I realized I was going to have to lead a church of a thousand to a little tiny camera on my computer, and I said, Lord, I did not sign up for this. During that same time frame, I was diagnosed with an AFib. Never had an issue. I eat my broccoli, I exercised, I was diagnosed as pre-diabetic. Like what? And I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Had surgery doing fine. And to top it off, the irony is that I was writing a doctoral thesis on stress. So I thought, let's just turn this into a book. So that's that's the genesis there.

Well, to put it simply, a lot of stress in a short period of time. And going back to Covid, my wife and I were actually before it really hit, we were only one of these fancy vacations where you can, you know, buffets everywhere. I love buffets, so enjoying that. But the problem with this place we stayed was it had Wi-Fi everywhere. And I'm kind of a news junkie. I was following this thing called Covid and I was telling my wife, I said, you know, Sheryl, they're going to shut us down. Well, we finished our vacation, flew back to Pearson Airport in Toronto, and the terminal we flew into, you had to take a bus to go from one place to the other. Well, that bus that took us to the next terminal, everybody was really quiet except to her. This repeated Phrase toilet paper. I'm thinking, what in the world is the toilet paper about? Then I realized that there was this toilet paper shortage because of Covid. And in Canada, as a pastor, we were shut down in a draconian fashion. I mean, several months at a time. So about 2 or 3 days in, when I realized I was going to have to lead a church of a thousand to a little tiny camera on my computer, and I said, Lord, I did not sign up for this. During that same time frame, I was diagnosed with an AFib. Never had an issue. I eat my broccoli, I exercised, I was diagnosed as pre-diabetic. Like what? And I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Had surgery doing fine. And to top it off, the irony is that I was writing a doctoral thesis on stress. So I thought, let's just turn this into a book. So that's that's the genesis there.

Okay. I'm getting stressful just listening to you. I mean, uh, I can understand that. We all have times not like that. But, you know, we all have times of stress. Um, stress. Always a bad force in our lives.

Okay. I'm getting stressful just listening to you. I mean, uh, I can understand that. We all have times not like that. But, you know, we all have times of stress. Um, stress. Always a bad force in our lives.

Yeah, well, it kind of depends on your definitions. I'm kind of separating the definition in two ways. One is a stressful situation, and we all have stressful situations. And the other side of that is the stress response in our body. How we respond to that stressful situation and the way God wired us. He wired us with this stress response to make us alert in times of danger, to keep us from walking into danger or unsafe places. So stress itself. The stress response itself is not a it's not a bad force, but it's important that we don't let it control even though we're in uncertain circumstances, because when it controls us and we stay chronically high in that stress response, that's when it really messes with us our bodies, our brains, our relationships, even our walk with God.

Yeah, well, it kind of depends on your definitions. I'm kind of separating the definition in two ways. One is a stressful situation, and we all have stressful situations. And the other side of that is the stress response in our body. How we respond to that stressful situation and the way God wired us. He wired us with this stress response to make us alert in times of danger, to keep us from walking into danger or unsafe places. So stress itself. The stress response itself is not a it's not a bad force, but it's important that we don't let it control even though we're in uncertain circumstances, because when it controls us and we stay chronically high in that stress response, that's when it really messes with us our bodies, our brains, our relationships, even our walk with God.

Yeah, yeah, I can see that. Now, I've heard people talk about acute stress and chronic stress. Is there a difference between those two?

Yeah, yeah, I can see that. Now, I've heard people talk about acute stress and chronic stress. Is there a difference between those two?

Yeah, there really is. Um, acute stress would be, uh, let's say this morning when I was preparing, getting all my equipment together, uh, I was feeling a little bit of stress, which was good. It made me focus. Some of these, uh, brain chemicals were flowing a little better. So I was making sure, like, okay, is this cord plugged in the right way? Is the volume right? So that's acute stress that rises, but then it falls. You know, after an hour it will fall back down. And we all need that because acute stress helps us, you know, meet deadlines where you're writing a book like you've written so many you probably feel a little bit stressed going into a deadline, whether it's showing up, a pastor, you know, preaching a sermon. So acute stress is part of a healthy response to stress. Chronic stress though chronic stress will be defined as when we stay elevated, that stress is elevated our response for more than a few days. And as that continues longer it goes. That's when uh, cortisol, which is called the stress hormones, it's a good hormone. But when it stays at those high levels for a long, a long time, that's what's called chronic stress. And that's when it affects our heart and our brain and our blood sugar and all those kinds of things. So there's that there's that key difference. And some people call acute stress you stress you good stress. So so yeah, stress can be good for us long term. That's when it's not good for us okay.

Yeah, there really is. Um, acute stress would be, uh, let's say this morning when I was preparing, getting all my equipment together, uh, I was feeling a little bit of stress, which was good. It made me focus. Some of these, uh, brain chemicals were flowing a little better. So I was making sure, like, okay, is this cord plugged in the right way? Is the volume right? So that's acute stress that rises, but then it falls. You know, after an hour it will fall back down. And we all need that because acute stress helps us, you know, meet deadlines where you're writing a book like you've written so many you probably feel a little bit stressed going into a deadline, whether it's showing up, a pastor, you know, preaching a sermon. So acute stress is part of a healthy response to stress. Chronic stress though chronic stress will be defined as when we stay elevated, that stress is elevated our response for more than a few days. And as that continues longer it goes. That's when uh, cortisol, which is called the stress hormones, it's a good hormone. But when it stays at those high levels for a long, a long time, that's what's called chronic stress. And that's when it affects our heart and our brain and our blood sugar and all those kinds of things. So there's that there's that key difference. And some people call acute stress you stress you good stress. So so yeah, stress can be good for us long term. That's when it's not good for us okay.

I think you have the interest of our listeners at this point this summer identifying as mine chronic. Uh, okay. So give us an overview of the human body and how stress affects us during, uh, a day when we're having chronic stress.

I think you have the interest of our listeners at this point this summer identifying as mine chronic. Uh, okay. So give us an overview of the human body and how stress affects us during, uh, a day when we're having chronic stress.

Yeah. Well, first of all, as I've kind of delved into this whole neuroscience of stress and sleep and those kind of things, I'm amazed more and more about the creativity of God. How he creatively designed all these systems that work so amazingly together. And so when you think about stress, think about our nervous system. You know, in biology class, we learn about the nervous system. And really the nervous system is everything our brain or spinal cord and all the rest. The central nervous systems, our brain and spinal cord and the peripheral nervous system is, you know, pretty much pretty much everything else on an any given day, that stress response, it kicks in whether we're in a perceived or real threat. It helps us make wise decisions so that we don't continue to walk into, like, unsafe places or make poor decisions. But the key thing to remember is that it doesn't matter if it's a real threat and that nervous system kicks in, or if it is a perceived threat. Let's say, for example, you're you're camping, you know, tent camping. When I was a kid, we used to do a little bit of tent camping. I was a Boy Scout. And in those days and, um, let's say you hear this scratching on your tent and your mind goes like, oh, no, this is a grizzly bear. I'm going to die. Well, you don't die that night. Poke your head out the tent and you realize, oh, I left a bag of Cheetos out and that was just a raccoon. That stress response kicked in. Even though your perception of that situation was dead wrong wasn't a bear. It was a, you know, just a raccoon. So this this happens all during the day, but it's key for us to begin to learn some biblically based, science supported practices that help us quickly respond to a stressful situation, to kind of come back to baseline, to know what would be wise choices in these situations, rather than allowing these perceived threats to become actually become real, and to engage that nervous system for long periods of time. So real or perceived threats does the same thing to a nervous system.

Yeah. Well, first of all, as I've kind of delved into this whole neuroscience of stress and sleep and those kind of things, I'm amazed more and more about the creativity of God. How he creatively designed all these systems that work so amazingly together. And so when you think about stress, think about our nervous system. You know, in biology class, we learn about the nervous system. And really the nervous system is everything our brain or spinal cord and all the rest. The central nervous systems, our brain and spinal cord and the peripheral nervous system is, you know, pretty much pretty much everything else on an any given day, that stress response, it kicks in whether we're in a perceived or real threat. It helps us make wise decisions so that we don't continue to walk into, like, unsafe places or make poor decisions. But the key thing to remember is that it doesn't matter if it's a real threat and that nervous system kicks in, or if it is a perceived threat. Let's say, for example, you're you're camping, you know, tent camping. When I was a kid, we used to do a little bit of tent camping. I was a Boy Scout. And in those days and, um, let's say you hear this scratching on your tent and your mind goes like, oh, no, this is a grizzly bear. I'm going to die. Well, you don't die that night. Poke your head out the tent and you realize, oh, I left a bag of Cheetos out and that was just a raccoon. That stress response kicked in. Even though your perception of that situation was dead wrong wasn't a bear. It was a, you know, just a raccoon. So this this happens all during the day, but it's key for us to begin to learn some biblically based, science supported practices that help us quickly respond to a stressful situation, to kind of come back to baseline, to know what would be wise choices in these situations, rather than allowing these perceived threats to become actually become real, and to engage that nervous system for long periods of time. So real or perceived threats does the same thing to a nervous system.

Doug Stone. So here's someone who's who's feeling overwhelmed, but they don't fully understand what's happening. How would you just talk to that person in in terms that they wouldn't understand?

Doug Stone. So here's someone who's who's feeling overwhelmed, but they don't fully understand what's happening. How would you just talk to that person in in terms that they wouldn't understand?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'd say probably the first thing is that hey, listen, everybody experiences what you're experiencing at some degree. This is the way God wired us and simply understanding and making that kind of a statement actually can calm the stress response. So I would say, hey, listen, this is the way God wired us now with that recognition, recognizing that I have this nervous system, I have this stress response, and I'm feeling it right now. What might be a next step for you to take so that the intensity of that stress response dials down? And that's basically what I did in the book, is I took biblical truth and I took neuroscience, pulled them two together to come up with these nine simple practices that we can do to help, whether a person is mildly stressed or a person who just feels overwhelmed. And, you know, when we feel overwhelmed, we need hope. And that's what I'd say to your listener that's overwhelmed right now. There is hope. There are practical things you can do to dial down the intensity and the pain of that stressful response. So, you know, hope is a very powerful biblical principle as well. And it's not just a platitude. It's true because God's Word is true.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'd say probably the first thing is that hey, listen, everybody experiences what you're experiencing at some degree. This is the way God wired us and simply understanding and making that kind of a statement actually can calm the stress response. So I would say, hey, listen, this is the way God wired us now with that recognition, recognizing that I have this nervous system, I have this stress response, and I'm feeling it right now. What might be a next step for you to take so that the intensity of that stress response dials down? And that's basically what I did in the book, is I took biblical truth and I took neuroscience, pulled them two together to come up with these nine simple practices that we can do to help, whether a person is mildly stressed or a person who just feels overwhelmed. And, you know, when we feel overwhelmed, we need hope. And that's what I'd say to your listener that's overwhelmed right now. There is hope. There are practical things you can do to dial down the intensity and the pain of that stressful response. So, you know, hope is a very powerful biblical principle as well. And it's not just a platitude. It's true because God's Word is true.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm looking forward to listening and talking about those nine things. So. Before we do that, what is technology doing to our stress and anxiety levels today?

Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm looking forward to listening and talking about those nine things. So. Before we do that, what is technology doing to our stress and anxiety levels today?

That's a great question. Well my undergrad degree is engineering, so I love gadgets. I love tech gadgets. I've got all kinds of gadgets, you know, monitor sleep and all that. My wife said, Charles, no more gadgets. But actually I've got a couple in mind. I'm going to see if they may be good Christmas presents. So technology is a blessing from God. However, it can also really negatively affect our lives. And what we're really seeing now and the research I've done is profoundly affecting kids because always on always like in social media with the comparison that they experience, like, oh man, this person's having a better time than I am. She looks prettier than, uh, than I do. Some schools are catching on, and they're realizing how detrimental having that cell phone smartphone in the classroom can be. And some school systems are saying you can't bring them to school, which is a great, great thing to do. There's another little term that kind of I think supports this idea. It's called FOMO. FOMO Fear of Missing Out. That technology has put literally everything at our fingertips. We don't. We don't have to wait. We don't have to experience boredom, which can be pretty good when we're bored. It just helps us be okay where we are. But technology left to run on its own can be very damaging, especially to young adolescents and adults as well, but especially to young adolescents. And and the research is telling us anxiety rises the more we're engaged with things like social media. Not to dismiss it at all. I use it, you know, we all use it. We're using it right now. But misuse can really affect us in a negative way.

That's a great question. Well my undergrad degree is engineering, so I love gadgets. I love tech gadgets. I've got all kinds of gadgets, you know, monitor sleep and all that. My wife said, Charles, no more gadgets. But actually I've got a couple in mind. I'm going to see if they may be good Christmas presents. So technology is a blessing from God. However, it can also really negatively affect our lives. And what we're really seeing now and the research I've done is profoundly affecting kids because always on always like in social media with the comparison that they experience, like, oh man, this person's having a better time than I am. She looks prettier than, uh, than I do. Some schools are catching on, and they're realizing how detrimental having that cell phone smartphone in the classroom can be. And some school systems are saying you can't bring them to school, which is a great, great thing to do. There's another little term that kind of I think supports this idea. It's called FOMO. FOMO Fear of Missing Out. That technology has put literally everything at our fingertips. We don't. We don't have to wait. We don't have to experience boredom, which can be pretty good when we're bored. It just helps us be okay where we are. But technology left to run on its own can be very damaging, especially to young adolescents and adults as well, but especially to young adolescents. And and the research is telling us anxiety rises the more we're engaged with things like social media. Not to dismiss it at all. I use it, you know, we all use it. We're using it right now. But misuse can really affect us in a negative way.

Yeah. Boy, I like that fear of missing out.

Yeah. Boy, I like that fear of missing out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That that really drives you, doesn't it? When you just. You feel like you want to know everything. You want to know it as quickly as you can and. Oh yeah. Well, well, you've partially, I think, answered this question, but let me ask this. Uh, what are some misconceptions that people often have with stress?

That that really drives you, doesn't it? When you just. You feel like you want to know everything. You want to know it as quickly as you can and. Oh yeah. Well, well, you've partially, I think, answered this question, but let me ask this. Uh, what are some misconceptions that people often have with stress?

Yeah, I can think of 2 or 3. One of them is, well, I'm experiencing stress, so I must be less of a Christian. I would say no, this is the way God designed us. We need to respond to it, perhaps differently, but you're not less of a Christian. Secondly, we already answered this one. It's not always bad. It's God's design. A third one it's important to realize, I think people kind of intuitively understand if I'm stressful, it affects my mental health. It affects more than our mental health. It affects our physical health, our sleep. I mentioned earlier our blood sugar, our heart, you name it, affects almost every part of our body. If it's a chronic stress, if we're chronically stressed over a long period of time. And then one more misconception is this just push through it. Uh, sometimes we have to just keep going. So I'm not saying that, but to just push through without stepping back and trying to understand what's going on, taking some practical steps to deal with what it's doing to my body and brain. That's that's a big misconception.

Yeah, I can think of 2 or 3. One of them is, well, I'm experiencing stress, so I must be less of a Christian. I would say no, this is the way God designed us. We need to respond to it, perhaps differently, but you're not less of a Christian. Secondly, we already answered this one. It's not always bad. It's God's design. A third one it's important to realize, I think people kind of intuitively understand if I'm stressful, it affects my mental health. It affects more than our mental health. It affects our physical health, our sleep. I mentioned earlier our blood sugar, our heart, you name it, affects almost every part of our body. If it's a chronic stress, if we're chronically stressed over a long period of time. And then one more misconception is this just push through it. Uh, sometimes we have to just keep going. So I'm not saying that, but to just push through without stepping back and trying to understand what's going on, taking some practical steps to deal with what it's doing to my body and brain. That's that's a big misconception.

Um, now, I, I'm not sure whether the word stress is used in the Bible, so you might help me out on that. Yeah. Uh, how how does the Bible address this whole issue?

Um, now, I, I'm not sure whether the word stress is used in the Bible, so you might help me out on that. Yeah. Uh, how how does the Bible address this whole issue?

Well, uh, most of the more literal translations, you won't find the word stress in in the scriptures, however, like the NLT and the message, they they're a couple of translations, uh, word translated to stress. And one of them is Psalm 119 103 in the then NLT it says, that's pressure and stress. Bear down on me. I find joy in your commands. So I think that's a really good translation there. All of the word is not there. The similar concepts are like tribulation and persecution and burden and testing and temptation. All those cause stress and even faith development. Romans five three says, we also rejoice in our suffering because suffering produces perseverance. Perseverance. Character and character. Hope. So this whole thing of stress, the word is not there, but there are a lot of similar concepts that speak to the effects of tribulation or persecution or temptation.

Well, uh, most of the more literal translations, you won't find the word stress in in the scriptures, however, like the NLT and the message, they they're a couple of translations, uh, word translated to stress. And one of them is Psalm 119 103 in the then NLT it says, that's pressure and stress. Bear down on me. I find joy in your commands. So I think that's a really good translation there. All of the word is not there. The similar concepts are like tribulation and persecution and burden and testing and temptation. All those cause stress and even faith development. Romans five three says, we also rejoice in our suffering because suffering produces perseverance. Perseverance. Character and character. Hope. So this whole thing of stress, the word is not there, but there are a lot of similar concepts that speak to the effects of tribulation or persecution or temptation.

Yeah. Yeah, I can just. Things are jumping in my mind of biblical characters who who underwent what I would call a lot of stress. Almost all.

Yeah. Yeah, I can just. Things are jumping in my mind of biblical characters who who underwent what I would call a lot of stress. Almost all.

Of.

Of.

Them. Yeah, yeah. You mentioned earlier that there's nine things that you've discovered here. So let's, let's kind of move to to those to those things you outlined practices, you know, for responding. So let's look at look at look at the first one which is which here I think it says cease and breathe.

Them. Yeah, yeah. You mentioned earlier that there's nine things that you've discovered here. So let's, let's kind of move to to those to those things you outlined practices, you know, for responding. So let's look at look at look at the first one which is which here I think it says cease and breathe.

Yes. Yes. Well basically that concept, you see the breath in Scripture in the Old Testament, God breathed into Adam, he became a living being. And the Gospels and acts Jesus breathed on the early church, the early, the Holy Spirit came so we can see breath throughout Scripture. And this simply means that when we face a stressful situation, just basically stop. If you have to pull off the side of the road, or pull away from a meeting, or pull away from an argument with your spouse or your kid, just stop and do a few deep breaths. Science tells us that there's something called the vagus nerve or vagal nerve. It's one of the nerves that comes out of our bottom of our skull. And it's from the word vagrant. If you think of vagrant, what do they do? A vagrant kind of wanders around. Does the vagus nerve wanders around our hollow organs, our heart, our lungs, our stomach. So there's these signals going up and down like the butterflies in our stomach. That vagus nerve is doing something deep breathing, especially if you kind of extend the outbreath, you know? In-breath. Breathe in outbreath. Breathe out. Extend that a little bit. It actually dials down the stress response. It slightly slows our heart rate. So seasoned breathing is simply that just stop and do a few deep breaths. You know when you watch the Olympics and these platform divers, they do that. They'll walk out there at the end of the platform. They don't just jump and, you know, dive in just like that. They'll pause and you see them doing this deep breathing. They understand what's going on there and they're dialing down that stress response. So that's that's really the concept of season.

Yes. Yes. Well basically that concept, you see the breath in Scripture in the Old Testament, God breathed into Adam, he became a living being. And the Gospels and acts Jesus breathed on the early church, the early, the Holy Spirit came so we can see breath throughout Scripture. And this simply means that when we face a stressful situation, just basically stop. If you have to pull off the side of the road, or pull away from a meeting, or pull away from an argument with your spouse or your kid, just stop and do a few deep breaths. Science tells us that there's something called the vagus nerve or vagal nerve. It's one of the nerves that comes out of our bottom of our skull. And it's from the word vagrant. If you think of vagrant, what do they do? A vagrant kind of wanders around. Does the vagus nerve wanders around our hollow organs, our heart, our lungs, our stomach. So there's these signals going up and down like the butterflies in our stomach. That vagus nerve is doing something deep breathing, especially if you kind of extend the outbreath, you know? In-breath. Breathe in outbreath. Breathe out. Extend that a little bit. It actually dials down the stress response. It slightly slows our heart rate. So seasoned breathing is simply that just stop and do a few deep breaths. You know when you watch the Olympics and these platform divers, they do that. They'll walk out there at the end of the platform. They don't just jump and, you know, dive in just like that. They'll pause and you see them doing this deep breathing. They understand what's going on there and they're dialing down that stress response. So that's that's really the concept of season.

Breathe okay Chris Us. Maybe you and I can both take a deep breath right now. How about.

Breathe okay Chris Us. Maybe you and I can both take a deep breath right now. How about.

It? Yes, I know I like that. You know what I do, Gary? On my radio program, I have this thing called the Friday Sigh. And I do it as kind of this fun little thing, but it's exactly. It's taking four seconds of air through your nose, hold it for a seconds and then release the air through your mouth. And I talk about the vagus nerve and some of the things that I've learned, you know, push on the left side of your ribcage because there's carbon dioxide in your left lung. Somebody told me that I don't know if it's true or not, but but this, you know, it just shows us how interconnected everything is. The body is a wonderful machine that God has created, uh, to, to for it to repair itself and work itself. And if we will do these kinds of things like breathing well, breathing deeply, it's going to help.

It? Yes, I know I like that. You know what I do, Gary? On my radio program, I have this thing called the Friday Sigh. And I do it as kind of this fun little thing, but it's exactly. It's taking four seconds of air through your nose, hold it for a seconds and then release the air through your mouth. And I talk about the vagus nerve and some of the things that I've learned, you know, push on the left side of your ribcage because there's carbon dioxide in your left lung. Somebody told me that I don't know if it's true or not, but but this, you know, it just shows us how interconnected everything is. The body is a wonderful machine that God has created, uh, to, to for it to repair itself and work itself. And if we will do these kinds of things like breathing well, breathing deeply, it's going to help.

Yes, absolutely.

Yes, absolutely.

All right. Practice number two, reveal how you feel.

All right. Practice number two, reveal how you feel.

Well, this one has to do with emotions. God gave us the ability to feel if we didn't have, you know, if we didn't experience joy or sorrow or excitement or even fear. Life would be very, very dull. So he made us to be able to feel these emotions. Reveal how you feel is simply this. When you're in a stressful situation and you're experiencing some of these negative emotions, acknowledge them. Don't stuff them. Don't ignore them, acknowledge them. And one of the ways it actually helps us dial down that stress response is take a second person perspective. Let's say, uh, I'm at work and my boss really made me mad. So in my mind, I'm going, I'm really, really angry at my boss. First person the way to dial that down is, is like, talk to yourself. And it seems kind of weird, but it's not weird. Okay, Charles. I said I'm angry. Instead of saying I'm angry, I'm talking to Charles across the table. Okay? Charles, I, I see that you're angry. Okay, let's let's kind of manage this. What does God's Word say about it? What's the next step? That simple slight separation. You're still you. You're still experiencing it. But having that second person talking to yourself actually dials it down. So you're acknowledging that feeling, that emotion, and you're creating a little bit of separation from it, from you. And it really does work. It really does. I find myself sometimes talking to myself. All right, Charles, you're going to make it. It's going to work. It's going to work. And I did that before I realized there's a science behind it, so.

Well, this one has to do with emotions. God gave us the ability to feel if we didn't have, you know, if we didn't experience joy or sorrow or excitement or even fear. Life would be very, very dull. So he made us to be able to feel these emotions. Reveal how you feel is simply this. When you're in a stressful situation and you're experiencing some of these negative emotions, acknowledge them. Don't stuff them. Don't ignore them, acknowledge them. And one of the ways it actually helps us dial down that stress response is take a second person perspective. Let's say, uh, I'm at work and my boss really made me mad. So in my mind, I'm going, I'm really, really angry at my boss. First person the way to dial that down is, is like, talk to yourself. And it seems kind of weird, but it's not weird. Okay, Charles. I said I'm angry. Instead of saying I'm angry, I'm talking to Charles across the table. Okay? Charles, I, I see that you're angry. Okay, let's let's kind of manage this. What does God's Word say about it? What's the next step? That simple slight separation. You're still you. You're still experiencing it. But having that second person talking to yourself actually dials it down. So you're acknowledging that feeling, that emotion, and you're creating a little bit of separation from it, from you. And it really does work. It really does. I find myself sometimes talking to myself. All right, Charles, you're going to make it. It's going to work. It's going to work. And I did that before I realized there's a science behind it, so.

Wow. Well, isn't that what happens a lot of times with couples? And, uh, the one person will say to the other, you know, why are you so angry? I'm not angry. And it's like, no, you really are. And you don't see it because we we like we don't want to be angry. We want to push it down. And that just makes it worse, doesn't it?

Wow. Well, isn't that what happens a lot of times with couples? And, uh, the one person will say to the other, you know, why are you so angry? I'm not angry. And it's like, no, you really are. And you don't see it because we we like we don't want to be angry. We want to push it down. And that just makes it worse, doesn't it?

Absolutely. It sure does. It just amps up that stress response. Amps up that emotion, amps up some of those brain chemicals. That just makes it more intense.

Absolutely. It sure does. It just amps up that stress response. Amps up that emotion, amps up some of those brain chemicals. That just makes it more intense.

So I'm angry with my wife, and maybe I'll just say, honey, excuse me, I've got to go talk to myself.

So I'm angry with my wife, and maybe I'll just say, honey, excuse me, I've got to go talk to myself.

Will you been married long enough? She'd probably say okay.

Will you been married long enough? She'd probably say okay.

Okay. Oh, I like that. You know, you're just. You're just telling yourself what's going on right now. What's your feeling right now? Yeah, yeah. All right. The third practice is broaden and build.

Okay. Oh, I like that. You know, you're just. You're just telling yourself what's going on right now. What's your feeling right now? Yeah, yeah. All right. The third practice is broaden and build.

Broaden and build is simply this. As we experience positive emotions, let's say joy in Scripture tells us, you know, God gave us he wants to experience joy as we experience more and more of these. It's actually like an upward cycle. We can experience even more and more of these positive emotions. And when we do that, something happens called cognitive flexibility. In other words, we're able to see solutions to our stressful situations. But when that doesn't happen, it's like having blinders on and we don't see these resources we may have or these people that may be able to to, you know, help us work through this situation. And one of the ways to do that is what I call putting pleasure coins in your pleasure, piggy bank. Asking a person, okay, what is pleasurable to you? Is it like a cup of coffee in the morning? Is it walking in the backyard, looking in your garden? Is it. Is it gardening a little bit? Is it? Is it walking in the park? Is it listening to praise music? Find those things that are pleasurable to you and every day make a few of those deposits in your pleasure piggy bank. As you do that, it creates this upward spiral where we can experience more of these pleasurable emotions. Now, this is not hedonism, okay? That's not what I'm saying. But God wants us to be able to experience some of these positive experiences and emotions. And when we do, we're much wiser in being able to solve the problems that were that we're facing. So that's just really a very, very helpful one. Just find those things small or large every day. Drop those coins in your pleasure piggy bank.

Broaden and build is simply this. As we experience positive emotions, let's say joy in Scripture tells us, you know, God gave us he wants to experience joy as we experience more and more of these. It's actually like an upward cycle. We can experience even more and more of these positive emotions. And when we do that, something happens called cognitive flexibility. In other words, we're able to see solutions to our stressful situations. But when that doesn't happen, it's like having blinders on and we don't see these resources we may have or these people that may be able to to, you know, help us work through this situation. And one of the ways to do that is what I call putting pleasure coins in your pleasure, piggy bank. Asking a person, okay, what is pleasurable to you? Is it like a cup of coffee in the morning? Is it walking in the backyard, looking in your garden? Is it. Is it gardening a little bit? Is it? Is it walking in the park? Is it listening to praise music? Find those things that are pleasurable to you and every day make a few of those deposits in your pleasure piggy bank. As you do that, it creates this upward spiral where we can experience more of these pleasurable emotions. Now, this is not hedonism, okay? That's not what I'm saying. But God wants us to be able to experience some of these positive experiences and emotions. And when we do, we're much wiser in being able to solve the problems that were that we're facing. So that's just really a very, very helpful one. Just find those things small or large every day. Drop those coins in your pleasure piggy bank.

Yeah, I like that. And all of us do have certain things in life that that do bring us pleasure, you know, just kind of relaxing. Yeah. Coffee would not be mine, but coffee is one for a lot of people.

Yeah, I like that. And all of us do have certain things in life that that do bring us pleasure, you know, just kind of relaxing. Yeah. Coffee would not be mine, but coffee is one for a lot of people.

My wife, she loves her coffee.

My wife, she loves her coffee.

Yeah, my wife loves her tea. I don't drink coffee or tea, but those are not my pleasures.

Yeah, my wife loves her tea. I don't drink coffee or tea, but those are not my pleasures.

Okay, so what about you, Gary? I want to know because my. My guess is it's something like going outside and taking a walk that gives you pleasure. What would you say is one of your pleasure coins?

Okay, so what about you, Gary? I want to know because my. My guess is it's something like going outside and taking a walk that gives you pleasure. What would you say is one of your pleasure coins?

Yeah, I definitely would say looking. Looking at nature around me, whether I'm walking or just, you know, standing on the porch looking out and observing nature, you know, because I'm recognizing the God. This is absolutely incredible. Especially right now in North Carolina. It's spring. Everything's blooming. You know, it'll come to Canada, it'll come to Canada. All right, number four, audit your thoughts.

Yeah, I definitely would say looking. Looking at nature around me, whether I'm walking or just, you know, standing on the porch looking out and observing nature, you know, because I'm recognizing the God. This is absolutely incredible. Especially right now in North Carolina. It's spring. Everything's blooming. You know, it'll come to Canada, it'll come to Canada. All right, number four, audit your thoughts.

Audit your thoughts. Uh, relates to a fancy term, but an important term to understand. It's called metacognition. Metacognition. It's simply this thinking about your thinking. Oftentimes, we're not aware of what we're thinking if we're in a stressful situation. What started out as the size of a, you know, a kernel of rice ends up being the size of a basketball. So the original issue is lost in the narration. We're telling ourselves, audit your thoughts is simply this who is giving you those thoughts is the enemy or is it the Lord? So that means stepping back. Think about what you're thinking about and change those channels if you need to. The Apostle Paul said in Philippians four eight, finally, brothers, whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, what does he say? Think about those things. So that's it. Audit your thoughts. Make sure they're in line with what reality is, and in line with what the kinds of things God wants us to think about.

Audit your thoughts. Uh, relates to a fancy term, but an important term to understand. It's called metacognition. Metacognition. It's simply this thinking about your thinking. Oftentimes, we're not aware of what we're thinking if we're in a stressful situation. What started out as the size of a, you know, a kernel of rice ends up being the size of a basketball. So the original issue is lost in the narration. We're telling ourselves, audit your thoughts is simply this who is giving you those thoughts is the enemy or is it the Lord? So that means stepping back. Think about what you're thinking about and change those channels if you need to. The Apostle Paul said in Philippians four eight, finally, brothers, whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, what does he say? Think about those things. So that's it. Audit your thoughts. Make sure they're in line with what reality is, and in line with what the kinds of things God wants us to think about.

Hmm. I like that asking, are these thoughts from the enemy? Yeah. Or are they from God? Yeah, because we know the enemy puts thoughts in our heads to be sure. Right.

Hmm. I like that asking, are these thoughts from the enemy? Yeah. Or are they from God? Yeah, because we know the enemy puts thoughts in our heads to be sure. Right.

Mhm.

Mhm.

Mhm.

Mhm.

This is the building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman podcast. If you go to five Love languages.com you can take a free assessment of your love language and see our featured resource. The book by Doctor Charles Stone. Stress less. Just go to five Love languages.com.

This is the building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman podcast. If you go to five Love languages.com you can take a free assessment of your love language and see our featured resource. The book by Doctor Charles Stone. Stress less. Just go to five Love languages.com.

Well doctor Stone, we're in the process of going through the nine practices that you suggest. And we now come to number six, which is cultivate certainty.

Well doctor Stone, we're in the process of going through the nine practices that you suggest. And we now come to number six, which is cultivate certainty.

Cultivate certainty. This is one of my favorite ones. The way our brains work is our brains want to know certainty. They want to know what's next. So when we face uncertainty, the stress response kicks in. It's like when you go on, let's say going to a party and you know, nobody there. You're, you know, there's a lot of uncertainty. So your stress response is a bit higher. You go into a party. You know, everybody there are I know that I know the folks there. So cultivating certainty is a really, really important one. And I think of in Psalm 125 one, the Scripture says, those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be moved but abides forever. The images of mountain think of a mountain has all kinds of weather around it, you know, storms and hail and sleet. Some some good weather. That mountain is firm. It does not become those emotions. It does not become those thoughts. What the Scripture is telling us, and science is telling us that when we're facing uncertain times, uncertainty in a stressful situation, we need to find some place, something that is certain. And for believers, it's God and His Word. So when we're facing a stressful situation, we don't know how it's going to turn out. It may be perpetual. It may be a child that's always sick. A spouse may have walked out. We don't know what's going to happen. We do not. We can speculate, but we don't know what do we do? We place our roots in the one certain one. That's Jesus. That's God's word. And one of the ways we do this is something called surrendering prayer. There was a Jesuit priest in the 1600s named Claude de la Colombiere, and he described this thing called surrendering prayer, where we're trusting God's infinite wisdom. We're believing that he acts for our good even in uncertainty, and we believe that God is in total control. So that's cultivate certainty. And we we desperately need this in the uncertain times where we that we live in now.

Cultivate certainty. This is one of my favorite ones. The way our brains work is our brains want to know certainty. They want to know what's next. So when we face uncertainty, the stress response kicks in. It's like when you go on, let's say going to a party and you know, nobody there. You're, you know, there's a lot of uncertainty. So your stress response is a bit higher. You go into a party. You know, everybody there are I know that I know the folks there. So cultivating certainty is a really, really important one. And I think of in Psalm 125 one, the Scripture says, those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be moved but abides forever. The images of mountain think of a mountain has all kinds of weather around it, you know, storms and hail and sleet. Some some good weather. That mountain is firm. It does not become those emotions. It does not become those thoughts. What the Scripture is telling us, and science is telling us that when we're facing uncertain times, uncertainty in a stressful situation, we need to find some place, something that is certain. And for believers, it's God and His Word. So when we're facing a stressful situation, we don't know how it's going to turn out. It may be perpetual. It may be a child that's always sick. A spouse may have walked out. We don't know what's going to happen. We do not. We can speculate, but we don't know what do we do? We place our roots in the one certain one. That's Jesus. That's God's word. And one of the ways we do this is something called surrendering prayer. There was a Jesuit priest in the 1600s named Claude de la Colombiere, and he described this thing called surrendering prayer, where we're trusting God's infinite wisdom. We're believing that he acts for our good even in uncertainty, and we believe that God is in total control. So that's cultivate certainty. And we we desperately need this in the uncertain times where we that we live in now.

So essentially you're saying in your own words, the individual, uh, God, you know where I am. You know what's going on. I don't understand everything. I'm not even sure what I should do next. But I want to thank you that you're with me. You're going to walk with me through this. I'm asking you for wisdom and energy. Uh, as I. As I walk with you. Thank you that you're with me in this. Something like that is what I hear you saying.

So essentially you're saying in your own words, the individual, uh, God, you know where I am. You know what's going on. I don't understand everything. I'm not even sure what I should do next. But I want to thank you that you're with me. You're going to walk with me through this. I'm asking you for wisdom and energy. Uh, as I. As I walk with you. Thank you that you're with me in this. Something like that is what I hear you saying.

Yes.

Yes.

You're experiencing. You're not making up certainty. You're experiencing what is truly certain. God. His sovereignty in his word.

You're experiencing. You're not making up certainty. You're experiencing what is truly certain. God. His sovereignty in his word.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Doctor Charles Stone is joining us. The book Stress Less is our featured resource at building relationships. Building relationships. I'm feeling stressed right now. Doctor Stone because Gary skipped over practice number five and I don't I don't want to correct him, but I've got to know what what this is. So I'm going to push through here and speak to myself. Take a deep breath and ask you soak your soul. Tell me about soak your soul.

Doctor Charles Stone is joining us. The book Stress Less is our featured resource at building relationships. Building relationships. I'm feeling stressed right now. Doctor Stone because Gary skipped over practice number five and I don't I don't want to correct him, but I've got to know what what this is. So I'm going to push through here and speak to myself. Take a deep breath and ask you soak your soul. Tell me about soak your soul.

Yeah. When you look at Jesus pattern, Jesus was always present for people. He always had people clamoring for him. His to do list was never done because there were more people to teach and more people to heal. But Mark 135 reminds us that Jesus often went away and spent time with his father. Well, the research tells us that practices like prayer and contemplation and silence, those kind of biblical practices actually mitigate Gate. The stress response, and one of the very practical things that we can do as we face these uncertain situations, and we want to draw upon this soak your soul idea. There's a guy named Pargament. He's a professor, I think, in Kentucky, and he's done some research on what he calls a collaboration with God. Like when we face a stressful situation, there are 1 or 3 ways we respond. Number one is God. You take care of it totally. You know, I'm just it's kind of passive. The other extreme is, God, I got this in the middle ground is like, okay, Lord, I see myself as a partner. I'm trusting you for you to give me wisdom and the way we this is one of the applications of Soak Your Soul is we are seeing ourselves as partnering with God to be able to move through, to solve this problem. You know, take take the next step. There's another application. Research tells us that all in wonder when we worship, when we think of the awesomeness of God and where we're at? Maybe in a in a church and seeing a magnificent worship courses, or maybe just in the quietness of observing God's nature, that actually the one of the effects is it dials down the stress response. So soak your soul really comes down to feeding your soul. That helps mitigate the the intensity of the stress.

Yeah. When you look at Jesus pattern, Jesus was always present for people. He always had people clamoring for him. His to do list was never done because there were more people to teach and more people to heal. But Mark 135 reminds us that Jesus often went away and spent time with his father. Well, the research tells us that practices like prayer and contemplation and silence, those kind of biblical practices actually mitigate Gate. The stress response, and one of the very practical things that we can do as we face these uncertain situations, and we want to draw upon this soak your soul idea. There's a guy named Pargament. He's a professor, I think, in Kentucky, and he's done some research on what he calls a collaboration with God. Like when we face a stressful situation, there are 1 or 3 ways we respond. Number one is God. You take care of it totally. You know, I'm just it's kind of passive. The other extreme is, God, I got this in the middle ground is like, okay, Lord, I see myself as a partner. I'm trusting you for you to give me wisdom and the way we this is one of the applications of Soak Your Soul is we are seeing ourselves as partnering with God to be able to move through, to solve this problem. You know, take take the next step. There's another application. Research tells us that all in wonder when we worship, when we think of the awesomeness of God and where we're at? Maybe in a in a church and seeing a magnificent worship courses, or maybe just in the quietness of observing God's nature, that actually the one of the effects is it dials down the stress response. So soak your soul really comes down to feeding your soul. That helps mitigate the the intensity of the stress.

I like that. Just this morning, I was getting ready to leave for the day and knew all the things I had to do today. And I just know I'm not a singer. But I started singing amazing Grace and and just worked through that song. Man, it my my whole countenance and my whole inner thing. Just calm down, you know?

I like that. Just this morning, I was getting ready to leave for the day and knew all the things I had to do today. And I just know I'm not a singer. But I started singing amazing Grace and and just worked through that song. Man, it my my whole countenance and my whole inner thing. Just calm down, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And, Chris, I'm sorry I caused you stress on skipping number five.

And, Chris, I'm sorry I caused you stress on skipping number five.

Because.

Because.

It's a very important practice.

It's a very important practice.

Yeah, but it did.

Yeah, but it did.

It did a work in me because I worked work through it and we got back on track, so.

It did a work in me because I worked work through it and we got back on track, so.

Hey, there you go. What happened?

Hey, there you go. What happened?

All right, well, now practice number seven. Grow gratitude.

All right, well, now practice number seven. Grow gratitude.

Yes.

Yes.

This is also one of my favorite ones. And it's very easy to do. First Thessalonians 518 says, give thanks in all circumstances, not for all circumstances, but it's a position of gratefulness. Neuroscience tells us that when we assume the posture of gratefulness again, it dials down that stress response. And the simple application is something called three good things. That is, when you wake up in the morning, think of three things you're thankful for. It could be to the Lord, small or large. Better yet, if you journal, write those down. Better yet, think of three more things before you go to bed. And what this does, it sets the kind of the default focus for the day. Instead of the glass half empty, we've seen glass half full. So grow. Gratitude is simple as three good things when you wake up.

This is also one of my favorite ones. And it's very easy to do. First Thessalonians 518 says, give thanks in all circumstances, not for all circumstances, but it's a position of gratefulness. Neuroscience tells us that when we assume the posture of gratefulness again, it dials down that stress response. And the simple application is something called three good things. That is, when you wake up in the morning, think of three things you're thankful for. It could be to the Lord, small or large. Better yet, if you journal, write those down. Better yet, think of three more things before you go to bed. And what this does, it sets the kind of the default focus for the day. Instead of the glass half empty, we've seen glass half full. So grow. Gratitude is simple as three good things when you wake up.

I like that. You know, I have encouraged people sometime. What if you put all the children in a different room and tell them, just look around in the room and thank God for three things that are in the room.

I like that. You know, I have encouraged people sometime. What if you put all the children in a different room and tell them, just look around in the room and thank God for three things that are in the room.

Oh, yeah. That's a great idea. Love that.

Oh, yeah. That's a great idea. Love that.

You can do that numerous times because there's a lot of stuff in a room.

You can do that numerous times because there's a lot of stuff in a room.

Yes.

Yes.

And learn from those kids too when they do that.

And learn from those kids too when they do that.

Absolutely. All right. Practice number eight. Safeguard safety.

Absolutely. All right. Practice number eight. Safeguard safety.

Well, this simply relates to community. Biblical community. When a church is really doing what it should, and you're experiencing community in the church as a whole, or maybe you're a small group when you feel safe, there's a neurochemical neurotransmitter called oxytocin, which increases in, uh, in your brain and it lowers cortisol, the stress hormone. It increases trust and increases bonding. And when I say safeguard safety, it's important, I think, for believers to find those people in our lives that are, um, happy. They're joyful, they're empathetic, uh, they're realistic. They don't give us, you know, pat answers, and they're trustworthy when we have those kinds of safe friends. Oh, it's such a healthy way to deal with our stress. And so just biblical community. It's amazing how neuroscience is kind of catching up to what the Bible.

Well, this simply relates to community. Biblical community. When a church is really doing what it should, and you're experiencing community in the church as a whole, or maybe you're a small group when you feel safe, there's a neurochemical neurotransmitter called oxytocin, which increases in, uh, in your brain and it lowers cortisol, the stress hormone. It increases trust and increases bonding. And when I say safeguard safety, it's important, I think, for believers to find those people in our lives that are, um, happy. They're joyful, they're empathetic, uh, they're realistic. They don't give us, you know, pat answers, and they're trustworthy when we have those kinds of safe friends. Oh, it's such a healthy way to deal with our stress. And so just biblical community. It's amazing how neuroscience is kind of catching up to what the Bible.

Has said.

Has said.

For centuries. So that's safeguard, safety, just guarding those healthy relationships and maintaining them because it's so it's such a blessing.

For centuries. So that's safeguard, safety, just guarding those healthy relationships and maintaining them because it's so it's such a blessing.

Yeah. Our pastor spoke last Sunday as a matter of fact, on that topic, the whole value of community.

Yeah. Our pastor spoke last Sunday as a matter of fact, on that topic, the whole value of community.

That's great.

That's great.

Christian life wasn't lived, wasn't designed to be lived as a lone ranger. You know, we're part of a family.

Christian life wasn't lived, wasn't designed to be lived as a lone ranger. You know, we're part of a family.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Practice number nine Smart.

Practice number nine Smart.

Sleep smart. Oh, yes. Um, I'm, uh, doing a good bit of research now on on the whole issue of sleep and looking at how what Scripture says about it. In fact, Scripture records the word sleep over 100 times, like 125 times in most translations. Sometimes it refers to death, sometimes sexual intimacy, but most of the time just sleep. And what researchers are finding really, just as of late, just the past few years, how important healthy, good sleep is to, uh, be able to deal with the stress response and simple practical tools, uh, practices like, you know, good sleep environment. It's got to be dark and cool. It's interesting. The, the the perfect temperature to sleep in is mid 60s. Now my wife, she would not agree with that. We have a dedicated air conditioner in our bedroom. I turn it down and don't tell her it's 62, but she has a heating blanket. So there you go. You solved the.

Sleep smart. Oh, yes. Um, I'm, uh, doing a good bit of research now on on the whole issue of sleep and looking at how what Scripture says about it. In fact, Scripture records the word sleep over 100 times, like 125 times in most translations. Sometimes it refers to death, sometimes sexual intimacy, but most of the time just sleep. And what researchers are finding really, just as of late, just the past few years, how important healthy, good sleep is to, uh, be able to deal with the stress response and simple practical tools, uh, practices like, you know, good sleep environment. It's got to be dark and cool. It's interesting. The, the the perfect temperature to sleep in is mid 60s. Now my wife, she would not agree with that. We have a dedicated air conditioner in our bedroom. I turn it down and don't tell her it's 62, but she has a heating blanket. So there you go. You solved the.

Problem. Oh.

Problem. Oh.

Yes.

Yes.

So things like that.

So things like that.

Getting early morning sun. Uh, something else. Science is finding out now how important it is to kind of set our body clock and just being active during the day, if we're if we're active during the day. A byproduct of our cells producing energy is a neurotransmitter that builds up. Just imagine a balloon as the more you're active during the day, this balloon fills up with this stuff called adenosine. It's like night when you just can hardly stay awake. You got a real full balloon of adenosine, so an active day, uh, bodes well for for a good evening. So sleep. Uh, sleep practices crucial. Crucial to help us deal with stress.

Getting early morning sun. Uh, something else. Science is finding out now how important it is to kind of set our body clock and just being active during the day, if we're if we're active during the day. A byproduct of our cells producing energy is a neurotransmitter that builds up. Just imagine a balloon as the more you're active during the day, this balloon fills up with this stuff called adenosine. It's like night when you just can hardly stay awake. You got a real full balloon of adenosine, so an active day, uh, bodes well for for a good evening. So sleep. Uh, sleep practices crucial. Crucial to help us deal with stress.

Let me ask you this. What you just said may have caused some stress for a listener who doesn't sleep well, hasn't been sleeping well and it's like, oh, I need sleep. And here's that message coming again. And I'm feeling stress about that, that that can feed on itself. And the anxiety heightens as well, right?

Let me ask you this. What you just said may have caused some stress for a listener who doesn't sleep well, hasn't been sleeping well and it's like, oh, I need sleep. And here's that message coming again. And I'm feeling stress about that, that that can feed on itself. And the anxiety heightens as well, right?

Absolutely. I would say to that person, because I'm, I've basically been a poor sleeper my whole life. Now I'm doing a lot of little practices that help me sleep better. I would tell that person, take one simple step from all these practices that I describe, or you can Google it. And if you want to take one step, do it long enough where it becomes a regular in your life, then take the next step. It's not going to change overnight. You know, sleep medications are appropriate for short periods of time. If a doctor prescribes those not for long periods of time. But there are a lot of these simple steps that a person can take that will really, really be helpful. Now, if someone has a really chronic sleep deficit, there's something called CBT cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia. This is like a six week program. You can Google that. There are free programs online on cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia. And this going through these six weeks, if a person really, you know, applies the principles, it is proven to help people with ongoing sleep issues more than even medication. Now that's assuming the person doesn't have some real medical issue like a sleep apnea. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, so I use a CPAp machine. But I would say to that person, start slow, start small, do something. Google CBT, I and I think the VA put together a really, really helpful program to help people who deal with chronic insomnia.

Absolutely. I would say to that person, because I'm, I've basically been a poor sleeper my whole life. Now I'm doing a lot of little practices that help me sleep better. I would tell that person, take one simple step from all these practices that I describe, or you can Google it. And if you want to take one step, do it long enough where it becomes a regular in your life, then take the next step. It's not going to change overnight. You know, sleep medications are appropriate for short periods of time. If a doctor prescribes those not for long periods of time. But there are a lot of these simple steps that a person can take that will really, really be helpful. Now, if someone has a really chronic sleep deficit, there's something called CBT cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia. This is like a six week program. You can Google that. There are free programs online on cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia. And this going through these six weeks, if a person really, you know, applies the principles, it is proven to help people with ongoing sleep issues more than even medication. Now that's assuming the person doesn't have some real medical issue like a sleep apnea. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, so I use a CPAp machine. But I would say to that person, start slow, start small, do something. Google CBT, I and I think the VA put together a really, really helpful program to help people who deal with chronic insomnia.

Well, doctor Stone, everything you shared in all these practices are very, very practical. But if you were just going to share one simple daily habit that a listener might implement that would reduce stress. What would it be?

Well, doctor Stone, everything you shared in all these practices are very, very practical. But if you were just going to share one simple daily habit that a listener might implement that would reduce stress. What would it be?

I would say I alluded to the whole the power of deep breathing. I would say using that tool one way that one research scientist has said, it's when you breathe deeply and then do like a sniff, a little bit more breath and then that slow, slow exhale. This particular scientist said in their laboratory and other laboratories, doing 2 or 3 of those deep breathing, breathe in, pulling a little more and then slowly breathe out. Their laboratories have found it definitely dials down the stress response. And then secondly, I would say that gratitude. Three good things. Start your morning. Set your morning toward the Lord and all these blessings he's given you. That'll be your default mode for the day.

I would say I alluded to the whole the power of deep breathing. I would say using that tool one way that one research scientist has said, it's when you breathe deeply and then do like a sniff, a little bit more breath and then that slow, slow exhale. This particular scientist said in their laboratory and other laboratories, doing 2 or 3 of those deep breathing, breathe in, pulling a little more and then slowly breathe out. Their laboratories have found it definitely dials down the stress response. And then secondly, I would say that gratitude. Three good things. Start your morning. Set your morning toward the Lord and all these blessings he's given you. That'll be your default mode for the day.

Yeah. Would the person who's struggling with stress and not knowing where to go. Would working through this book you think lead them in a in a in a to take really major even those small steps in learning how to deal with that?

Yeah. Would the person who's struggling with stress and not knowing where to go. Would working through this book you think lead them in a in a in a to take really major even those small steps in learning how to deal with that?

Absolutely. One of the tools that comes with the book and the downloadable tool is a 30 day, uh, plan to, uh, be able to deal with stress. And one of those specifically chapters deals with, uh, the whole thing of sleep. So when it comes to sleep, are any of these practices? Uh, yeah. That's what the book does, is kind of lay out and hopefully put the cookies in the lower shelf so that you can try them out.

Absolutely. One of the tools that comes with the book and the downloadable tool is a 30 day, uh, plan to, uh, be able to deal with stress. And one of those specifically chapters deals with, uh, the whole thing of sleep. So when it comes to sleep, are any of these practices? Uh, yeah. That's what the book does, is kind of lay out and hopefully put the cookies in the lower shelf so that you can try them out.

Well, in your book, you do share personal stories about your journey with stress. Uh, what's one of the most valuable lessons you learned from your own experiences?

Well, in your book, you do share personal stories about your journey with stress. Uh, what's one of the most valuable lessons you learned from your own experiences?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I would say get help. And when I realized that I was going to have to leave my church through that little tiny pinhole camera on my computer. I was I was really going down this really deep depression and consulted my doctor. He was a believer and he prescribed medication for me. Uh, think Prozac, you know, low dose. And it really helped. You know, we don't have a problem with somebody going to the doctor if they break their arm. But sometimes stressful situations mess up our blood chemistry and neurotransmitters and hormones so much that we need some help. So I would say find help. And there's help out there. There are coaches who coach people in sleep issues. There's great resources online, but it's what's what's called compliance. You just got to do it. Start small, start little and just just do it.

I would say get help. And when I realized that I was going to have to leave my church through that little tiny pinhole camera on my computer. I was I was really going down this really deep depression and consulted my doctor. He was a believer and he prescribed medication for me. Uh, think Prozac, you know, low dose. And it really helped. You know, we don't have a problem with somebody going to the doctor if they break their arm. But sometimes stressful situations mess up our blood chemistry and neurotransmitters and hormones so much that we need some help. So I would say find help. And there's help out there. There are coaches who coach people in sleep issues. There's great resources online, but it's what's what's called compliance. You just got to do it. Start small, start little and just just do it.

Talk to the pastor out there who may be listening, who is feeling stressed about his congregation and his situation there. You've been, there. You've been. Pastor. What would you say to that pastor?

Talk to the pastor out there who may be listening, who is feeling stressed about his congregation and his situation there. You've been, there. You've been. Pastor. What would you say to that pastor?

Well, Covid did a real number on us during the height of Covid. Like 42, 43% of pastors really thought about quitting. That's down to like 33%, but that's still way too high. What I would suggest to that pastor that I wish I had done 30 or 40 years ago, find that safe friend. That friend may be another pastor, maybe somebody in your church, somebody in another church. It may be a professional counselor to keep your mental health and and your stress, stress resilience high and your mental health good. So I would really encourage pastors who are struggling, uh, find someone that you can be safe around. They can really be a good listening ear and offer realistic steps going forward. I totally understand that how they feel.

Well, Covid did a real number on us during the height of Covid. Like 42, 43% of pastors really thought about quitting. That's down to like 33%, but that's still way too high. What I would suggest to that pastor that I wish I had done 30 or 40 years ago, find that safe friend. That friend may be another pastor, maybe somebody in your church, somebody in another church. It may be a professional counselor to keep your mental health and and your stress, stress resilience high and your mental health good. So I would really encourage pastors who are struggling, uh, find someone that you can be safe around. They can really be a good listening ear and offer realistic steps going forward. I totally understand that how they feel.

And often pastors are reluctant to do that because of their own fear of what will people think? And so forth. Yeah, but, you know, people know that we're human. Yeah. Pastors are human. So. Yeah. We all we all need help at some juncture and sometimes at many junctures.

And often pastors are reluctant to do that because of their own fear of what will people think? And so forth. Yeah, but, you know, people know that we're human. Yeah. Pastors are human. So. Yeah. We all we all need help at some juncture and sometimes at many junctures.

Right.

Right.

Well, doctor Stone, as we coming toward the end of our time together, what do you say to the person who is under relational stress right now? Maybe their spouse has walked away and everything is uncertain. And what do you say to that listener?

Well, doctor Stone, as we coming toward the end of our time together, what do you say to the person who is under relational stress right now? Maybe their spouse has walked away and everything is uncertain. And what do you say to that listener?

Mhm. Well there are 2 or 3 top of the mind things. First of all just acknowledging this is an uncertain situation. If that spouse has walked away. You know, we may pray. Uh, we may seek help from a counselor. We may seek help from our pastor or the board. Unfortunately, because of how sin affects us, some people just walk away. And in that situation, when there is that great uncertainty, going back to that image of that mountain, when we like Mount Zion. We don't have to become those thoughts that we're thinking. We don't have to become those emotions. But we do need to find certainty, not manufacture certainty, but rest on the certainty of the sovereign God that we serve. Rest on the truth of God's Word. That is certain. And certainly we do that out of obedience. But the side effect is it does lower the stress response. So we don't do it just to lower the stress response. But it's okay to recognize, Lord, I need a little bit of wind in my sails and so doing so in these kind of things to lower the stress response gives us more of that resilience and reserve to make right choices and to think clearly about, okay, what is my next step? What do I need to do. So so that's that's that's what I would say to that person just in that kind of situation.