Laser Stories (1/27/25)

Published Jan 27, 2025, 2:59 PM

Weird news stories from around the world… with a healthy dose of lasers added in. Does it make sense? No not really, but it doesn’t HAVE TO… it’s Laser Stories!

It's the radio segment that's bringing two powerhouse companies together, Peloton and Lazy Boy for the first plush, reclinable stationary bike. Dude, pull the lever, sit back and relax as you get dead last in your Peloton group.

These are still gonna be some sweaty cushions.

Yeah, at least you're comfortable with laser stories in the segment where we read weird news stories around the globe, just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser. There's other sweaty teddies. Just this first laser story is out of Alabama. The other morning police were called to with Starbucks, not because of an outraged Karen unhappy with her drink order. It doesn't happen quite frequently, but instead the scene was much more chaotic because apparently someone's pet monkey had jumped from its owner's car into the drive through window and began attacking an.

Employee monkey on the loop.

The primate was an Aotis night monkey, and I have a picture here of what that looks like for my hosts. Oh, my goodness, or monkey so smart couldn't low key make its own drinks?

Oh, it's probably smelting the ingredients like, Okay, what am I going to do? This one is so cute. Really, it's got kind of like a raccoony type face. They got really big eyes. They look like they're earless. I mean they look like it should be in the Madagascar movies.

Yes, yes, yes, like a yes then anyway, the employee said that as soon as the woman lowered her window, the monkey leapt out and started gnawing on her hand. Oh my god, better than face, which is what I was envisioning, some cannibal monkey. Yeah. Well, then it climbed up her arm and started biting her ears.

Oh no, but maybe it's a love bite. No.

The attack ended when another employee grabbed the monkey and threw it back out the window.

I wouldn't do that for anybody in this You just get your cell phone out.

The monkey went back inside the owner's car and she drove away.

Wait, she just left without leaving a tip me at least like tossed like a quarter before you go something. You know, she wouldn't have left if they hadn't given her her drink already.

She was taken to the hospital, where she got multiple stitches and vaccinations.

Her ear was in rough shape, but she was gonna be okay. As for the.

Owner, the cops identified her and she refused to comment to the media. She reportedly had two monkeys in her vehicle that day, and the other employees say they've seen her with multiple monkeys before, wearing leashes, costumes and diapers.

Lay but somebody needs to just pull that.

The cops are investigating and the woman could be looking at charges, but they didn't say what those might be.

Yeah, bad monkey, mother, charge monkey.

At that point, she little monkey behind bars. This next Lazer stories out of the aisle files.

WHOA, I don't know what that is.

Market and Analytics firm recently did an extensive survey to find America's favorite grocery store.

They looked at a.

Bunch of factors including name, fame meaning you know, how recognizable is the brand, and the popularity and whether or not people have a positive or negative opinion of it.

And I'm already like bouncing around a couple of my fames hell.

Because like some of my faves are like the cleanest and fanciast, but them the most expensive, and I don't like that. After months of work, they found America's favorite grocery store.

Is Yeah seven eleven. Yeah, I did not see that.

Not Costco scored a whopping ninety seven percent on the Fame scale, received a sixty five percent popularity rating, and only eight percent of the respondents dislike it.

I mean, it is honestly legit.

I only go to one seven eleven a year, maybe, but they're so convenient, good.

Five wine, I like, dare you, I'm not going to trust that opinion. I'm not. That's the top shelf wine there too?

Do you after you have a twelve pack of white Claws there too?

To mix it up?

Yeah. Sure, many people only associate the brand with road trip stops, but those people haven't really taken full advantage of all that's seven to eleven has to offer.

My right, Who's with me?

Yeah?

Okay? They have rawmen stations hot dogs for dinner again?

Yeah.

Now Trader Joe's came in second.

Yeah, and then Whole Foods is America's third favorite grocery chains.

Though it did have the highest dislike rating in the top ten. Expensive. It's fantastic until you go to the cash register.

Yeah.

I walk in and I'm like, oh, look at those green olives on this, But they're ten dollars it's great.

You know the salad bar. How are you not yelling? No, the more expensive it is, the better taste. Jeffrey doesn't look the wrong guy.

If you break down which generation likes to shop where, millennials still chose seven to eleven, jen X picks Trader Joe's.

That's because millennials were raised on like Dorito's and Twinkies the best. And then boomers still love Krogers. That sounds of a TV show. Yeah, Boomers still love Kroger's. Coming to.

This next Lazer story is out of Food News the most important. This is either going to be amazing or the worst idea ever. Because Cinnamon Toast Crunch teamed up with Totino's Pizza Rolls for.

A new pizza flavored cereal. Getting a dessert pizza from Totino's Pizza Flavored Cereal, they went the wrong directory.

Okay, I know what you're thinking. Pizza in milk sounds okay, but I'm still a little bit skeptical of it.

What does a cinnamon toast crunch have to do with any of this?

Well, here's where they might lose you, because it's also still coated in their cinnadilust get out of it.

So pizza with cinnamon and sugar.

One cinnamon tomatomon like, none of it.

None of it is good.

Joah.

They're not selling it in stores, probably because it's disgusting. But do you have to win a box by going to the Cinnamon Toast Crunch online store tomorrow?

Yeah, I guess it's going to be easy to win.

They're gonna be up for grabs at seven pm Eastern, so they're only handing out one thousand boxes total with waivers that say they are not responsible for what happens following consumption.

That you know, it's good in one way. My kids will actually hate pizza. Yeah, yeah it is.

This next Lazer story is out of career corner. Good news for robots, bad news for gen Z. A new study found that if the pay was equal, employers would rather higher AI than gen Z graduates.

We go no if you're not sure.

Gen Z is anyone born between nineteen ninety seven and twenty twelve, and they've been harshly criticized in recent years because the stereotype is they expect very high pay but want to work very little jumps.

I'm expensive.

I love our gens employees Ashton, Alexis Ashley, they're amazing.

Yeah, but we don't pay them a lot, so that's fine. Yeah, that's why it's amazing.

And while that might feel like it's an unfair label, there are some numbers to back it up. A new report found sixty eight percent of small business owners said gen zers are the least reliable of.

All of their employees.

They're often asking for unrealistic things like six figures, six weeks of paid vacation and at least six months of work from home time.

That is going to live a mentally stable lifestyle.

Okay, six six six, By the way, see what you guys are.

Doing over the generation.

But it does make me worried what the job market's going to look like in a few years for gen T and T.

You know, Jen Turtle.

This guy already told me he expects high pay and high heels and you know what he's worth every penny.

Listen to that work ethic right there.

He does not quit And that sound means Laser Stories has come to an end for the day.

We'll do it again, same time on Wednesday. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning