The Best Bits of the Week with Morgan.

The Best Bits of the Week with Morgan.

Part one behind the scene with a member of the show.

Part one behind the scene with a member of the show.

Here we are. It is part one this weekend of Best Bits and Eddie is joining me.

Here we are. It is part one this weekend of Best Bits and Eddie is joining me.

Hi, Eddie.

Hi, Eddie.

I just told Eddie before we came on, I have absolutely nothing planned for this because, honestly, like I am in a mode right now where I'm just surviving. Yeah, and I'm doing the bare minimum. Normally That's not my personality at all, but it's the only way I'm able to survive.

I just told Eddie before we came on, I have absolutely nothing planned for this because, honestly, like I am in a mode right now where I'm just surviving. Yeah, and I'm doing the bare minimum. Normally That's not my personality at all, but it's the only way I'm able to survive.

Ran Yeah, same here.

Ran Yeah, same here.

I mean, one step at a time, one day at a time, right, Like, it's just kind of what you do.

I mean, one step at a time, one day at a time, right, Like, it's just kind of what you do.

Yeah, how are you? How? Like how's the family? Like, give me a little check in if you can.

Yeah, how are you? How? Like how's the family? Like, give me a little check in if you can.

Yeah, the family's good. I mean we, like I said, it's just one day at a time. Some days are good, some days are better than others, you know. Just to kind of catch people up. At the start of August, my brother had a stroke. My brother, my older brother, he's been in this podcast. He's on the he called in talk about his feedex days he was he's fifty one years old, and he had a stroke and it's a little brain brain bleed in his head and it paralyzed the left side of his body mainly limbs, not so much his his face.

Yeah, the family's good. I mean we, like I said, it's just one day at a time. Some days are good, some days are better than others, you know. Just to kind of catch people up. At the start of August, my brother had a stroke. My brother, my older brother, he's been in this podcast. He's on the he called in talk about his feedex days he was he's fifty one years old, and he had a stroke and it's a little brain brain bleed in his head and it paralyzed the left side of his body mainly limbs, not so much his his face.

Or anything like his speat or anything.

Or anything like his speat or anything.

Just like his left arm he couldn't move it, his left leg couldn't move it and really had a hard time just moving.

Just like his left arm he couldn't move it, his left leg couldn't move it and really had a hard time just moving.

So that happened, and then.

So that happened, and then.

Two three three days later, my dad had a freak accident, fell down some stairs, and you know, he ended up passing away. And it was just kind of like a boom. It was a huge bomb in my life because everything was just so sudden, like, yeah.

Two three three days later, my dad had a freak accident, fell down some stairs, and you know, he ended up passing away. And it was just kind of like a boom. It was a huge bomb in my life because everything was just so sudden, like, yeah.

None of it was planned for nothing.

None of it was planned for nothing.

You could be nothing nothing, So yeah, it's it's that was. It's been a few weeks and we've kind of I have personally kind of just gone back into the routine of my life, which is chaotic and busy. My brother his whole rehab and like his recovery was kind of priority one after my dad passed, Like, all right, so Dad's gone, what do we do with my brother? Like we got to figure his stuff out because he didn't have health insurance and.

You could be nothing nothing, So yeah, it's it's that was. It's been a few weeks and we've kind of I have personally kind of just gone back into the routine of my life, which is chaotic and busy. My brother his whole rehab and like his recovery was kind of priority one after my dad passed, Like, all right, so Dad's gone, what do we do with my brother? Like we got to figure his stuff out because he didn't have health insurance and.

That was a whole other deal.

That was a whole other deal.

And luckily my sister and I we were kind of we're wired differently, my sister and I her and I are wired the same, but weird wired differently than the rest of our family, where like, all right, we got to get crap done.

And luckily my sister and I we were kind of we're wired differently, my sister and I her and I are wired the same, but weird wired differently than the rest of our family, where like, all right, we got to get crap done.

Let's get it done.

Let's get it done.

So he kind of went into action versus the emotional side of things.

So he kind of went into action versus the emotional side of things.

Yes, we went into like how do how do we get through this? My mom obviously has been a wreck, and and my mom and my sister are really close, so my mom's like, let me take care of mom. You take care of bro, got it? Those are our assignments and so so yeah, so my brother other, you know, didn't have health insurance, so immediately we had to just kind of go like, how are we going to pay for this stuff? And we kind of got our money together and we're like, well, that's not gonna that's not going to do anything. So my sister kind of made the hard, hard decision to be like should we do a GoFundMe? Like it's just not our style, and I said, you do whatever you think we need to do, and she's like okay, So she set up a GoFundMe and Morgan the amount of money that we were able to raise from that GoFundMe, I mean just from friends and family and the B Team Facebook page, which I didn't even know it made it to the B Team Facebook page like it had gotten on there somehow. And then my sister texted me, She's like, hey, we're getting like a lot of money from B Team members. Did you say something? And I'm like, what were I say? Said something like I haven't even gone on Instagram. I haven't said anything, and she's just like, well, it's like B Team stepping up.

Yes, we went into like how do how do we get through this? My mom obviously has been a wreck, and and my mom and my sister are really close, so my mom's like, let me take care of mom. You take care of bro, got it? Those are our assignments and so so yeah, so my brother other, you know, didn't have health insurance, so immediately we had to just kind of go like, how are we going to pay for this stuff? And we kind of got our money together and we're like, well, that's not gonna that's not going to do anything. So my sister kind of made the hard, hard decision to be like should we do a GoFundMe? Like it's just not our style, and I said, you do whatever you think we need to do, and she's like okay, So she set up a GoFundMe and Morgan the amount of money that we were able to raise from that GoFundMe, I mean just from friends and family and the B Team Facebook page, which I didn't even know it made it to the B Team Facebook page like it had gotten on there somehow. And then my sister texted me, She's like, hey, we're getting like a lot of money from B Team members. Did you say something? And I'm like, what were I say? Said something like I haven't even gone on Instagram. I haven't said anything, and she's just like, well, it's like B Team stepping up.

Yeah, And I was like, oh my gosh, this is a maze.

Yeah, And I was like, oh my gosh, this is a maze.

So it was a huge, huge, huge, huge blessing in that time where we really didn't know what we're gonna do too, where like, holy crap, this is actually possible where my brother can get some good treatment. And because he's all alone, he's not married, he doesn't have family, he's all alone in Pennsylvania.

So it was a huge, huge, huge, huge blessing in that time where we really didn't know what we're gonna do too, where like, holy crap, this is actually possible where my brother can get some good treatment. And because he's all alone, he's not married, he doesn't have family, he's all alone in Pennsylvania.

And so that happened. And then my cousin who lives in Florida.

And so that happened. And then my cousin who lives in Florida.

He was there for my dad. He's very close to our family and he was there for my dad when he passed and he said, listen, man, like my wife is a occupational therapist, so what she does for a living, he's going to need some occupational therapy after a stroke. Aunt, just send it to Florida with me and we'll kind of set up what he needs, physical therapy, cognitive therapy, occupational therapy. Like my wife knows all these people, so let's just do it that way. That way you can get back to work and mom can get back to Texas and we can kind of figure everything out. I'm telling you, man, I'm getting emotional just thinking about it, because.

He was there for my dad. He's very close to our family and he was there for my dad when he passed and he said, listen, man, like my wife is a occupational therapist, so what she does for a living, he's going to need some occupational therapy after a stroke. Aunt, just send it to Florida with me and we'll kind of set up what he needs, physical therapy, cognitive therapy, occupational therapy. Like my wife knows all these people, so let's just do it that way. That way you can get back to work and mom can get back to Texas and we can kind of figure everything out. I'm telling you, man, I'm getting emotional just thinking about it, because.

It was in a hard, hard time.

It was in a hard, hard time.

It was a light a very very dark time, and we're just so thankful for the way everything's playing out, Like it's just great.

It was a light a very very dark time, and we're just so thankful for the way everything's playing out, Like it's just great.

You just had a lot of people stepping up and showing up for you. Huge when you're in such a dark moment and you see people showing up and you're like, where are you coming from? Why are you here? You don't have to be It's okay, Like we'll figure it out, yeah, you know, but you were like no, we're you know, people were like, no, we're going to step in and we're going to do this right because you guys deserve that. That's so awesome. And I remember you telling me that story when when you had first gotten back, and I think it's so awesome of your cousin who have stepped up and done that. So is your brother's recovery going well?

You just had a lot of people stepping up and showing up for you. Huge when you're in such a dark moment and you see people showing up and you're like, where are you coming from? Why are you here? You don't have to be It's okay, Like we'll figure it out, yeah, you know, but you were like no, we're you know, people were like, no, we're going to step in and we're going to do this right because you guys deserve that. That's so awesome. And I remember you telling me that story when when you had first gotten back, and I think it's so awesome of your cousin who have stepped up and done that. So is your brother's recovery going well?

Then, So while we record this in a couple of days, I'm going to pick him up in Florida and we're going to take him back home because he's made significant improvements. He's been able to walk on his own without a walker his uh, he's able to write and do everything or not right because he's right handed, but you know everything, he's got motion. He's got motion. You can move his limbs, he can kind of he's a little slower, he can't do everything at full speed. But he's been cleared to go back home, which he has stairs, and again he's by himself, so he's gonna have to drive places. And they've cleared him. Like, Okay, I think we're at the moment, we're at the point where he's able to do all that stuff a little bit.

Then, So while we record this in a couple of days, I'm going to pick him up in Florida and we're going to take him back home because he's made significant improvements. He's been able to walk on his own without a walker his uh, he's able to write and do everything or not right because he's right handed, but you know everything, he's got motion. He's got motion. You can move his limbs, he can kind of he's a little slower, he can't do everything at full speed. But he's been cleared to go back home, which he has stairs, and again he's by himself, so he's gonna have to drive places. And they've cleared him. Like, Okay, I think we're at the moment, we're at the point where he's able to do all that stuff a little bit.

Yeah, So I'm gonna take him back and once.

Yeah, So I'm gonna take him back and once.

Set them up, ready to go back to or is he like he's so.

Set them up, ready to go back to or is he like he's so.

Ready to go back?

Ready to go back?

Okay?

Okay?

I mean he has two cats, Oh he hasn't and they weren't able to come with him. Yeah, So the like priority one for him is like I need to get back to my cats and we're like, Priority one is you need to get walking and driving again, Like that's what you need to.

I mean he has two cats, Oh he hasn't and they weren't able to come with him. Yeah, So the like priority one for him is like I need to get back to my cats and we're like, Priority one is you need to get walking and driving again, Like that's what you need to.

Get somebody out there to take care imagine again.

Get somebody out there to take care imagine again.

And he's been telling me about his neighbors and his friends that are like, man, everyone's stepping up. Everyone's been able to go to.

And he's been telling me about his neighbors and his friends that are like, man, everyone's stepping up. Everyone's been able to go to.

The house, they take videos of the cats, they hang out with them.

The house, they take videos of the cats, they hang out with them.

He's like, it's just everything everyone's just been doing being so great to us at this moment, and we're just very very thankful for everyone.

He's like, it's just everything everyone's just been doing being so great to us at this moment, and we're just very very thankful for everyone.

Well, I think it's really hard to like when you you go in day to day life and you get used to your life right and something just comes and blows it up, and you're like, I have to lean on people that I haven't been leaning on because life was just working for all of us, you know, the motion was happening. I didn't need anything or they didn't need anything. And then when you see like the community that you have around you, that you did build along the way of your life start to show up for you. When that moment does come, because it's inevitably going to like that's insane, that feeling and that experience emits something really dark, You're like, Okay, I really want to cry right now, but like thank you at the same time, and like my heart feels happy, but like it's not. Yeah, it's a weird emotion too.

Well, I think it's really hard to like when you you go in day to day life and you get used to your life right and something just comes and blows it up, and you're like, I have to lean on people that I haven't been leaning on because life was just working for all of us, you know, the motion was happening. I didn't need anything or they didn't need anything. And then when you see like the community that you have around you, that you did build along the way of your life start to show up for you. When that moment does come, because it's inevitably going to like that's insane, that feeling and that experience emits something really dark, You're like, Okay, I really want to cry right now, but like thank you at the same time, and like my heart feels happy, but like it's not. Yeah, it's a weird emotion too.

It is, it is, And you're right, you do see you see it from a different perspective because we're all just a little selfish and we live our life just thinking of you know, what I do every day and how am I going to do this every day? And but when something like that happens and you have no control and you're just like I have no control, and everyone steps up, you start saying like, wow, we have created a community of people. We have affected people in different ways where they want to help us. And after this is done, I'm going to look at that differently when someone else, when someone needs help, it's like, guys, we need to all step in and help them.

It is, it is, And you're right, you do see you see it from a different perspective because we're all just a little selfish and we live our life just thinking of you know, what I do every day and how am I going to do this every day? And but when something like that happens and you have no control and you're just like I have no control, and everyone steps up, you start saying like, wow, we have created a community of people. We have affected people in different ways where they want to help us. And after this is done, I'm going to look at that differently when someone else, when someone needs help, it's like, guys, we need to all step in and help them.

Now.

Now.

It's a beautiful thing. And unfortunately it takes something really really bad in our lives for us to realize that. And I hate that part, but we kind of need it for it to happen for us to even think about that.

It's a beautiful thing. And unfortunately it takes something really really bad in our lives for us to realize that. And I hate that part, but we kind of need it for it to happen for us to even think about that.

So well, And I don't know if you're like this too, but I don't like asking for help.

So well, And I don't know if you're like this too, but I don't like asking for help.

I don't And that's what I'm saying. My sister and I were like I don't want to do this, Like I really don't. Is there any way we can get a credit card and pay for all this stuff? And my sister's like, we can, but we want to do that, and like Mom's gonna need help too after this, and like, oh, I don't know.

I don't And that's what I'm saying. My sister and I were like I don't want to do this, Like I really don't. Is there any way we can get a credit card and pay for all this stuff? And my sister's like, we can, but we want to do that, and like Mom's gonna need help too after this, and like, oh, I don't know.

And it becomes overwhelming and you become so overwhelmed that you're like, Okay, I don't have any other option but to utilize option like my resources that I have. Yeah, it is that, Like it's certainly an overwhelming feeling to be like, my life is really hard, but I know your life is really hard, and I don't want to ask you for anything, and I don't want you to stop what you're doing to fix me or to do things for me, like I'll figure it out. That's a constant thing that I battle whenever I'm in like a really hard places, like I can't ask for help. I'm not good at it. Yeah, people just kind of have to force it. Like I had a girlfriend literally force for me a grilled cheese or sitting in the Sonic parking lot eat the freaking girl cheese. I'm like, I don't want to, Like there's no part of me that wants to. And she's like, just eat it please, and like that's the stuff that like people show up to do.

And it becomes overwhelming and you become so overwhelmed that you're like, Okay, I don't have any other option but to utilize option like my resources that I have. Yeah, it is that, Like it's certainly an overwhelming feeling to be like, my life is really hard, but I know your life is really hard, and I don't want to ask you for anything, and I don't want you to stop what you're doing to fix me or to do things for me, like I'll figure it out. That's a constant thing that I battle whenever I'm in like a really hard places, like I can't ask for help. I'm not good at it. Yeah, people just kind of have to force it. Like I had a girlfriend literally force for me a grilled cheese or sitting in the Sonic parking lot eat the freaking girl cheese. I'm like, I don't want to, Like there's no part of me that wants to. And she's like, just eat it please, and like that's the stuff that like people show up to do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sure, And you're laughing in the moment, but you're like, what is wrong with me? You know, I don't know if you had any of those that have happened to you recently where you're like, what is going on with my brain and my body?

Sure, And you're laughing in the moment, but you're like, what is wrong with me? You know, I don't know if you had any of those that have happened to you recently where you're like, what is going on with my brain and my body?

You know, it's funny because yes, I don't know. I don't really know how to like grieve. Obviously no one really does, but and I don't normally do this.

You know, it's funny because yes, I don't know. I don't really know how to like grieve. Obviously no one really does, but and I don't normally do this.

It was just weird.

It was just weird.

And it was at the hospital in Pennsylvania because so the hospital my brother lives in Pennsylvania, like maybe an hour outside of Philadelphia, and so a lot of Philadelphia Eagles fans and we had been in the hospital for four days, like just back and forth. My brother was on the seventh floor, my dad was on the second floor, and it was just just every day, back and forth, back and forth, crying a lot, and joking a little bit with family, crying again, and it's just like it.

And it was at the hospital in Pennsylvania because so the hospital my brother lives in Pennsylvania, like maybe an hour outside of Philadelphia, and so a lot of Philadelphia Eagles fans and we had been in the hospital for four days, like just back and forth. My brother was on the seventh floor, my dad was on the second floor, and it was just just every day, back and forth, back and forth, crying a lot, and joking a little bit with family, crying again, and it's just like it.

Was just that kind of like week.

Was just that kind of like week.

And one day I decided to wear a Dallas Cowboy shirt in Philadelphia Eagles territory, and I just thought it would be funny.

And one day I decided to wear a Dallas Cowboy shirt in Philadelphia Eagles territory, and I just thought it would be funny.

And I'm Morgan. I would never do this ever.

And I'm Morgan. I would never do this ever.

Ever.

Ever.

I'm not that kind of fan to go up to a Rando stranger and be like, hey, look at my shirt. But there was a guy walking towards me. And the hospital is not a place to joke like, it's just not. But for some reason, I was like, watch this, this will be funny. And I was with my whole family and I had my cow underneath my sweatshirt. I had my cowboy shirt and there was a guy walking with an Eagle's shirt and I say, hey, man, watch this.

I'm not that kind of fan to go up to a Rando stranger and be like, hey, look at my shirt. But there was a guy walking towards me. And the hospital is not a place to joke like, it's just not. But for some reason, I was like, watch this, this will be funny. And I was with my whole family and I had my cow underneath my sweatshirt. I had my cowboy shirt and there was a guy walking with an Eagle's shirt and I say, hey, man, watch this.

And my whole family's like, what is that he doing? And the guy is like, what are you doing?

And my whole family's like, what is that he doing? And the guy is like, what are you doing?

And so I pick up my sweatshirt and it's the Cowboys star and I go boom and he goes okay, I don't care, and he walks off, and my whole family's like, what's wrong with you?

And so I pick up my sweatshirt and it's the Cowboys star and I go boom and he goes okay, I don't care, and he walks off, and my whole family's like, what's wrong with you?

And I said, I don't know, honestly, I don't know why I did that.

And I said, I don't know, honestly, I don't know why I did that.

And then my cousin goes bro that wasn't even a Philadelphia Eagles shirt. I think that was like an elementary school, you know, So it.

And then my cousin goes bro that wasn't even a Philadelphia Eagles shirt. I think that was like an elementary school, you know, So it.

Was like, that's probably why he didn't understand what with that?

Was like, that's probably why he didn't understand what with that?

No, we had no idea.

No, we had no idea.

And in my mind, I'm like, and my sister, I think, is the one that said, you know what, just pain makes you do weird things. So yes, that was my moment of like what am I doing? I feel like I don't have no control over my body right now?

And in my mind, I'm like, and my sister, I think, is the one that said, you know what, just pain makes you do weird things. So yes, that was my moment of like what am I doing? I feel like I don't have no control over my body right now?

Yeah, like out of body experience.

Yeah, like out of body experience.

Yes, it was so weird, Morgan, you know what it is.

Yes, it was so weird, Morgan, you know what it is.

And I want us to take a quicker little break here, but when we come back, I'm gonna ask you, like, how how the grieving process has been going for Okay, because we can get to my grieving too.

And I want us to take a quicker little break here, but when we come back, I'm gonna ask you, like, how how the grieving process has been going for Okay, because we can get to my grieving too.

It's been interesting. Okay.

It's been interesting. Okay.

We have the two parallels here, right, You are grieving somebody very important to you that's no longer here, my dad. I'm grieving somebody that's still alive that I'm probably never going to speak to again.

We have the two parallels here, right, You are grieving somebody very important to you that's no longer here, my dad. I'm grieving somebody that's still alive that I'm probably never going to speak to again.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Both grief just different kinds.

Both grief just different kinds.

Different ways, right, It's life, just different ways of doing things.

Different ways, right, It's life, just different ways of doing things.

Yeah, and grief comes in a whole lot of different forms.

Yeah, and grief comes in a whole lot of different forms.

That's right.

That's right.

How have you has your process of been grieving?

How have you has your process of been grieving?

Go?

Go?

Like, maybe there's been funny moments, sad moments, like what has that grieving process been like for you so far?

Like, maybe there's been funny moments, sad moments, like what has that grieving process been like for you so far?

Gosh, I don't know if I have completely grieved. I think that the process of, well, my dad was in the hospital for five days, you know, just nothing was getting better was the main grieving process, because it's like so much sadness but fun to see family members. Then sat again, and just the roller coaster ride of like I think I said bye to my dad, probably I don't know, twenty times, you know, and then and then the nurses would come in and be like, hey, his heart beats getting strong again, like okay, okay, and then I would come back, you know, a few hours later and like, no, it's not.

Gosh, I don't know if I have completely grieved. I think that the process of, well, my dad was in the hospital for five days, you know, just nothing was getting better was the main grieving process, because it's like so much sadness but fun to see family members. Then sat again, and just the roller coaster ride of like I think I said bye to my dad, probably I don't know, twenty times, you know, and then and then the nurses would come in and be like, hey, his heart beats getting strong again, like okay, okay, and then I would come back, you know, a few hours later and like, no, it's not.

It's getting worse.

It's getting worse.

Roller coaster ride of like not knowing what's.

Roller coaster ride of like not knowing what's.

Going to happen, morgan.

Going to happen, morgan.

And it was like that for five days, and so maybe even seven days, use I don't remember. But so I think at the end of it there was a big feeling of peace of like, Okay, he's no longer suffering. What happened has happened, and he's in a better place, and so many things kind of came together, you know. There's a weird part of all this that was that just kind of resonated in me while it was happening, was that my mom told me when my brother was in the hospital after he had a stroke. My mom said that my dad said, you know what he told my brother. He said, for some reason, I feel like Eddie's going to come and see you. And my brother was like you think and he's like, yeah, I don't know. Something's telling me that Eddie's going to come visit you. No, and not one there wasn't one thought in my mind here in Nashville thinking like I'm going to go see my brother because I knew he was in stable condition and that he was just he was okay, yeah, and that all he needed was therapy to get back to normal. So I thought like, maybe I'll go see him in a month or so, but not I didn't even think about coming to visit him in the hospital.

And it was like that for five days, and so maybe even seven days, use I don't remember. But so I think at the end of it there was a big feeling of peace of like, Okay, he's no longer suffering. What happened has happened, and he's in a better place, and so many things kind of came together, you know. There's a weird part of all this that was that just kind of resonated in me while it was happening, was that my mom told me when my brother was in the hospital after he had a stroke. My mom said that my dad said, you know what he told my brother. He said, for some reason, I feel like Eddie's going to come and see you. And my brother was like you think and he's like, yeah, I don't know. Something's telling me that Eddie's going to come visit you. No, and not one there wasn't one thought in my mind here in Nashville thinking like I'm going to go see my brother because I knew he was in stable condition and that he was just he was okay, yeah, and that all he needed was therapy to get back to normal. So I thought like, maybe I'll go see him in a month or so, but not I didn't even think about coming to visit him in the hospital.

Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh.

But somehow my dad knew that I was going to be there, and so there was also that feeling of like like, look, look how it's all kind of coming together. Dad knew that I needed to be here. I didn't know that I needed to be here. Now we're all here, and so that's.

But somehow my dad knew that I was going to be there, and so there was also that feeling of like like, look, look how it's all kind of coming together. Dad knew that I needed to be here. I didn't know that I needed to be here. Now we're all here, and so that's.

Also hard because it's not the reason you wanted.

Also hard because it's not the reason you wanted.

To be there, absolutely not. But it's almost like my dad knew and I do. I do believe that God tells us things and we don't know what they mean at the time, but he knows. And by my dad saying that, it's like God was telling him, like, this is going to happen, but it's going to be a good thing because your family's going to get together. And my family we've always been just we were close at the beginning, and then as we got older, I moved to Nashville. My sister lived in Texas, and my brother lived in Pennsylvania, so just we kind of separated a little bit, and I would talk to my parents maybe twice, maybe once every two or three weeks, but not as much as I wanted to.

To be there, absolutely not. But it's almost like my dad knew and I do. I do believe that God tells us things and we don't know what they mean at the time, but he knows. And by my dad saying that, it's like God was telling him, like, this is going to happen, but it's going to be a good thing because your family's going to get together. And my family we've always been just we were close at the beginning, and then as we got older, I moved to Nashville. My sister lived in Texas, and my brother lived in Pennsylvania, so just we kind of separated a little bit, and I would talk to my parents maybe twice, maybe once every two or three weeks, but not as much as I wanted to.

My dad and I didn't talk that that much. I would text him.

My dad and I didn't talk that that much. I would text him.

We would text each other little things back and forth, but never like real good conversations for a lot. That just wasn't our thing. So like, I think my dad always wanted us to be closer, you know. I think he always wanted us to be a close family, live close together, help each other out.

We would text each other little things back and forth, but never like real good conversations for a lot. That just wasn't our thing. So like, I think my dad always wanted us to be closer, you know. I think he always wanted us to be a close family, live close together, help each other out.

Because he would say that too, just like.

Because he would say that too, just like.

Why don't you guys, Like, why don't you guys move like in the same town so you guys can be there for each other and.

Why don't you guys, Like, why don't you guys move like in the same town so you guys can be there for each other and.

Be like, Nah, Dad, I live in Nashville. Are you talking about? Like?

Be like, Nah, Dad, I live in Nashville. Are you talking about? Like?

But I think he wanted us to be closer, and this has definitely brought us all closer. Not a great way, not the ideal way. But I talk to my brother every day now, twice a day, three times a day.

But I think he wanted us to be closer, and this has definitely brought us all closer. Not a great way, not the ideal way. But I talk to my brother every day now, twice a day, three times a day.

My sister and I talk.

My sister and I talk.

Way more than we've ever talked, you know, my mom, I'm like, come on, come stay with us for three weeks. I stayed with for three months. I don't care, you know, So I don't know. It's just a lot of the grieving process has been thinking that this happened for a reason.

Way more than we've ever talked, you know, my mom, I'm like, come on, come stay with us for three weeks. I stayed with for three months. I don't care, you know, So I don't know. It's just a lot of the grieving process has been thinking that this happened for a reason.

How long did it take you to be like this happened for a reason.

How long did it take you to be like this happened for a reason.

I would say pretty quick. I would say pretty quick.

I would say pretty quick. I would say pretty quick.

I mean the shock of what had happened and kind of just being there for that. There was a lot of confusion, why did this happen? Like I don't understand, like what doesn't make any sense? But then once you passed and everyone started telling stories, I'll be like, you know, your dad said this, and then my sister sayings like you know Dad always said this, and you know, like there were too many stories, and even when my cousins came in, they were just like, did you know your dad like said this. We're like, ah, this is all making sense a little bit. You know, in the darkness of all this, a lot of stuff is making sense here. So with that, I think it's brought a lot of us a lot of peace. My mom is having the hardest hardest time because she's lost her a little you know, her partner.

I mean the shock of what had happened and kind of just being there for that. There was a lot of confusion, why did this happen? Like I don't understand, like what doesn't make any sense? But then once you passed and everyone started telling stories, I'll be like, you know, your dad said this, and then my sister sayings like you know Dad always said this, and you know, like there were too many stories, and even when my cousins came in, they were just like, did you know your dad like said this. We're like, ah, this is all making sense a little bit. You know, in the darkness of all this, a lot of stuff is making sense here. So with that, I think it's brought a lot of us a lot of peace. My mom is having the hardest hardest time because she's lost her a little you know, her partner.

And she's all alone and she doesn't know.

And she's all alone and she doesn't know.

What to do, and so she has her days where she's just like, really, you know what, it's I'm having a good day. I saw my sister, she came to visit me, and then later on that night she's like, I'm having such a hard time.

What to do, and so she has her days where she's just like, really, you know what, it's I'm having a good day. I saw my sister, she came to visit me, and then later on that night she's like, I'm having such a hard time.

It's just tough.

It's just tough.

Those ups and downs. Man, when you think you're doing really well and then it just comes out of nowhere, yeah and hits you and you're like, I was fine, why why is this happening in this moment right now? And you're like you want to be mad at yourself because you're like, no, no, no, no, we're moving forward, right, But then you're like, Okay, well some reason I have to feel that I don't like it. Does it feel good? Go away?

Those ups and downs. Man, when you think you're doing really well and then it just comes out of nowhere, yeah and hits you and you're like, I was fine, why why is this happening in this moment right now? And you're like you want to be mad at yourself because you're like, no, no, no, no, we're moving forward, right, But then you're like, Okay, well some reason I have to feel that I don't like it. Does it feel good? Go away?

And that's that's the thing too.

And that's that's the thing too.

When I talk to my mom, it's like I want to tell her, like, Mom, it's gonna be okay, Like you're gonna be good. It's just it's gonna take time, but you're gonna eventually know how to do things by yourself and it's gonna feel okay and it's gonna feel normal. But she doesn't understand that right now, and she doesn't need to understand that right now. She's going through her thing and it's really really hard, and all we can do is just be there for her well in her.

When I talk to my mom, it's like I want to tell her, like, Mom, it's gonna be okay, Like you're gonna be good. It's just it's gonna take time, but you're gonna eventually know how to do things by yourself and it's gonna feel okay and it's gonna feel normal. But she doesn't understand that right now, and she doesn't need to understand that right now. She's going through her thing and it's really really hard, and all we can do is just be there for her well in her.

The heartache of that. Like, if there's something that I wish as humans we never experienced, it's heartache, I know, you know, Like you want to talk about one of the worst feelings in the world that you have zero control over and your whole body feels it. Is heartache of any kind, whether you've lost somebody in your life, lost a partner, lost a pet, like the heartache of losing because you can't the only thing that mends it is time, and time never comes fast enough. When you're hurting, you can know in your mind that two years down the road, this will be a blip on my radar, I'll be okay, and I'll be able to move past this. But in that moment, in like the suck of all of it, you can't even see two feet in front of you, let alone think that this is going to get over anytime soon.

The heartache of that. Like, if there's something that I wish as humans we never experienced, it's heartache, I know, you know, Like you want to talk about one of the worst feelings in the world that you have zero control over and your whole body feels it. Is heartache of any kind, whether you've lost somebody in your life, lost a partner, lost a pet, like the heartache of losing because you can't the only thing that mends it is time, and time never comes fast enough. When you're hurting, you can know in your mind that two years down the road, this will be a blip on my radar, I'll be okay, and I'll be able to move past this. But in that moment, in like the suck of all of it, you can't even see two feet in front of you, let alone think that this is going to get over anytime soon.

Impossible.

Impossible.

And that's what's the hardest part about any type of heartache. Like I genuinely just wish as humans we didn't have to experience, but we have to in order to know what's good and to your point, what is important, what matters, and how to appreciate those things. We have to have loss to appreciate the things that are in our lives. And that sucks.

And that's what's the hardest part about any type of heartache. Like I genuinely just wish as humans we didn't have to experience, but we have to in order to know what's good and to your point, what is important, what matters, and how to appreciate those things. We have to have loss to appreciate the things that are in our lives. And that sucks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know that there's anything that will ever make it okay in my mind.

I don't know that there's anything that will ever make it okay in my mind.

Isn't it weird that the heart hurts?

Isn't it weird that the heart hurts?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Like, how does the heart hurt? Why does the heart hurt? But it really does feel like your heart is breaking.

Like, how does the heart hurt? Why does the heart hurt? But it really does feel like your heart is breaking.

Oh yeah, And they do say people die of heartbreak.

Oh yeah, And they do say people die of heartbreak.

That's what I worry about my mom.

That's what I worry about my mom.

I think because you guys are surrounding her with so much love. It will be different for her. But I do think that exists with those couples who they're the only two they have left. It's just them and one of them is left behind. And I think that's when that happens. I think when there's family involved and you have a community around you, it makes it really hard for that to happen because you have so many people pushing to be like checking in, are you okay? How's today? And I can't not think. I can't not respond because I want to make sure they know that like I'm here. I'm just I'm not great, but I'm here. Yeah, you know what I mean. Having support is everything, and so like, on that further extensive level, it's like those people who don't have support and experience.

I think because you guys are surrounding her with so much love. It will be different for her. But I do think that exists with those couples who they're the only two they have left. It's just them and one of them is left behind. And I think that's when that happens. I think when there's family involved and you have a community around you, it makes it really hard for that to happen because you have so many people pushing to be like checking in, are you okay? How's today? And I can't not think. I can't not respond because I want to make sure they know that like I'm here. I'm just I'm not great, but I'm here. Yeah, you know what I mean. Having support is everything, and so like, on that further extensive level, it's like those people who don't have support and experience.

That I do want to say this too, you know, because I had a buddy of mine who lost a son, I don't know, four years ago or so somewhere around there, and I remember thinking I don't know what to say to him, I don't know what to do for him. And now being on this kind of this end of it, it shouldn't be an awkward thing when anyone still today comes and says, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. How's everything going, Like, how's your brother doing, I'm so sorry about your dad, how's your mom doing?

That I do want to say this too, you know, because I had a buddy of mine who lost a son, I don't know, four years ago or so somewhere around there, and I remember thinking I don't know what to say to him, I don't know what to do for him. And now being on this kind of this end of it, it shouldn't be an awkward thing when anyone still today comes and says, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. How's everything going, Like, how's your brother doing, I'm so sorry about your dad, how's your mom doing?

All this stuff?

All this stuff?

It's it actually feels good to talk about it and not forget it and be like thanks for asking. Like she is, she's doing okay, she still has hard time whatever it is. But I remember thinking like I don't know what to say, and I think now I understand what to say, Like just check to see how they're doing, because anyone going through that really does not want to feel alone.

It's it actually feels good to talk about it and not forget it and be like thanks for asking. Like she is, she's doing okay, she still has hard time whatever it is. But I remember thinking like I don't know what to say, and I think now I understand what to say, Like just check to see how they're doing, because anyone going through that really does not want to feel alone.

But they're gonna push everything away because they're hurting. It's natural to push everything away because you just you want to You're barely getting out of the bed in the morning, you're barely eating the food, putting your clothes on, brushing your hair, brushing your teeth, existing as a day to day human, yeah, let alone wanting to bother anybody with that much heaviness. Yeah, you know, besides the direct people like I'm sure your wife and kids have been great support and distraction for you, for sure, but like they're still existing with you in day to day and like, how do we manage this with him every day and make sure that he knows like we're here, but also trying to not make him talk about it all the time. You know, it's that delicate balance. But back to your point of like, just just reach out. It doesn't have to be anything special to say hi.

But they're gonna push everything away because they're hurting. It's natural to push everything away because you just you want to You're barely getting out of the bed in the morning, you're barely eating the food, putting your clothes on, brushing your hair, brushing your teeth, existing as a day to day human, yeah, let alone wanting to bother anybody with that much heaviness. Yeah, you know, besides the direct people like I'm sure your wife and kids have been great support and distraction for you, for sure, but like they're still existing with you in day to day and like, how do we manage this with him every day and make sure that he knows like we're here, but also trying to not make him talk about it all the time. You know, it's that delicate balance. But back to your point of like, just just reach out. It doesn't have to be anything special to say hi.

It really doesn't, like I'm here, Hi, and and too.

It really doesn't, like I'm here, Hi, and and too.

I always wonder, like, oh, do we want to talk about him anymore? But I love talking about my dad. I love thinking about my dad. I love it when people tell me, like, man, your dad one time he did this and it was so funny, like it, I love it.

I always wonder, like, oh, do we want to talk about him anymore? But I love talking about my dad. I love thinking about my dad. I love it when people tell me, like, man, your dad one time he did this and it was so funny, like it, I love it.

I love that.

I love that.

And I think that when you're on the other side of it, you're don't you really don't even know?

And I think that when you're on the other side of it, you're don't you really don't even know?

Do we want to talk about him or her?

Do we want to talk about him or her?

You want to keep their memory alive?

You want to keep their memory alive?

You really do?

You really do?

I love it, Like I love hearing stories about my dad now from people.

I love it, Like I love hearing stories about my dad now from people.

Do you have any of your stories you want to share about him? Oh?

Do you have any of your stories you want to share about him? Oh?

Man, I mean my dad was just a jokes jokester. I think one of the stories that always sticks out is I don't even know if I can say this, because.

Man, I mean my dad was just a jokes jokester. I think one of the stories that always sticks out is I don't even know if I can say this, because.

I don't know what that means.

I don't know what that means.

We're going. He was just I don't even know if I can say this.

We're going. He was just I don't even know if I can say this.

He would take an awkward situment, situation and put a spotlight on it and be like this is funny. I'm going to take advantage of it. We were all, oh, my gosh, I don't even know if I can say, I will say it. We were at a Japanese restaurant and you know where they cook in front of you. Yeah, and the guy that was cooking had a very thick accent, and one of us at the table didn't even realize that we had repeated what the chef said in that accent.

He would take an awkward situment, situation and put a spotlight on it and be like this is funny. I'm going to take advantage of it. We were all, oh, my gosh, I don't even know if I can say, I will say it. We were at a Japanese restaurant and you know where they cook in front of you. Yeah, and the guy that was cooking had a very thick accent, and one of us at the table didn't even realize that we had repeated what the chef said in that accent.

No, and we were like, what did you just say?

No, and we were like, what did you just say?

And the person didn't realize they said it, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, I can't believe I said that out loud. And so my dad was like, this is great. So my dad got the waiter, the server and said, hey, I will pay you, you know, twenty bucks if you can come back to the table and tell this person that the cook heard you and he wants a verbal apology. And so so the server came back and said, did somebody mock our our cook? And the person's like, yes, I did. No, yeah, he heard you and he would like for you to apologize to him. And like the person was like, okay, just tell me, where do I go to the kitchen? Yeah, follow me to the kitchen. And they started walking to the kitchen till the start was like, I'm just joking your dad, Your dad, you know, he faded to do this or whatever, and it's like, oh my god, and my dad was cracking up.

And the person didn't realize they said it, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, I can't believe I said that out loud. And so my dad was like, this is great. So my dad got the waiter, the server and said, hey, I will pay you, you know, twenty bucks if you can come back to the table and tell this person that the cook heard you and he wants a verbal apology. And so so the server came back and said, did somebody mock our our cook? And the person's like, yes, I did. No, yeah, he heard you and he would like for you to apologize to him. And like the person was like, okay, just tell me, where do I go to the kitchen? Yeah, follow me to the kitchen. And they started walking to the kitchen till the start was like, I'm just joking your dad, Your dad, you know, he faded to do this or whatever, and it's like, oh my god, and my dad was cracking up.

That's the kind of stuff he would do all the time.

That's the kind of stuff he would do all the time.

He's like, I'm just going to make so much fun out of this, and he would like I think every time anyone talks about my dad, like, oh my gosh, he's just that type. At the time he did this, it's ridiculous. It was so dumb, but we all laugh. We've been laughing for years about it.

He's like, I'm just going to make so much fun out of this, and he would like I think every time anyone talks about my dad, like, oh my gosh, he's just that type. At the time he did this, it's ridiculous. It was so dumb, but we all laugh. We've been laughing for years about it.

Like he was just always making people laugh different.

Like he was just always making people laugh different.

That's what he did. He was a jokester. He was just a big clown.

That's what he did. He was a jokester. He was just a big clown.

So he did And that's hard. That's it. That's a big personality. Especially for your mom. Oh yeah, you know, she had this huge light in her life and to fill that is going to be really difficult.

So he did And that's hard. That's it. That's a big personality. Especially for your mom. Oh yeah, you know, she had this huge light in her life and to fill that is going to be really difficult.

What's really cool is that my dad towards the when he was younger, I would say maybe when he was like thirty or forty, he had bought a children's home in South Texas and this was like an orphanage in South Texas.

What's really cool is that my dad towards the when he was younger, I would say maybe when he was like thirty or forty, he had bought a children's home in South Texas and this was like an orphanage in South Texas.

I didn't know this. I had no idea.

I didn't know this. I had no idea.

I was still young back then, so I had no idea that he did this. But he had enough money to buy a children's home and he would go and like hang out with the kids and do whatever, play games with them. And there was a kid that he kind of just connected with all the time. Well he grew up, and I guess they never really saw each other anymore. It was just kind of one of those things like I remember him, he was cool. Well, later on, like i'd say, like ten years ago or five years ago, my dad had to stay he had kind of like goes in financial problems, financial trouble, and him and my mom had to stay at a hotel. They didn't have a lot of money, so they're like, we need to stay at a hotel. Well, the manager of that hotel was one of the kids that was at the children's home, and he says, Oh, my gosh, I don't know if you remember me.

I was still young back then, so I had no idea that he did this. But he had enough money to buy a children's home and he would go and like hang out with the kids and do whatever, play games with them. And there was a kid that he kind of just connected with all the time. Well he grew up, and I guess they never really saw each other anymore. It was just kind of one of those things like I remember him, he was cool. Well, later on, like i'd say, like ten years ago or five years ago, my dad had to stay he had kind of like goes in financial problems, financial trouble, and him and my mom had to stay at a hotel. They didn't have a lot of money, so they're like, we need to stay at a hotel. Well, the manager of that hotel was one of the kids that was at the children's home, and he says, Oh, my gosh, I don't know if you remember me.

I'm so and so, and he's like, yeah, I remember you, of course.

I'm so and so, and he's like, yeah, I remember you, of course.

And it's just like wow, this is so crazy staying here at the hotels, Like yeah, we may be staying here for a while. Don't really know what our situation is. And so the guy was like, you know what, you stay here as long.

And it's just like wow, this is so crazy staying here at the hotels, Like yeah, we may be staying here for a while. Don't really know what our situation is. And so the guy was like, you know what, you stay here as long.

As you want.

As you want.

Like I'm the manager of this hotel. I run this hotel, like you have a place to stay. Wow, it's stuff like that where it's just like, God, one, I didn't know Dad had bought a children's home, Like that's crazy.

Like I'm the manager of this hotel. I run this hotel, like you have a place to stay. Wow, it's stuff like that where it's just like, God, one, I didn't know Dad had bought a children's home, Like that's crazy.

Yeah, I'm surprised him or your mom never like.

Yeah, I'm surprised him or your mom never like.

No, I lied that, never talked about that.

No, I lied that, never talked about that.

And I'm like, Dad, no, wonder you liked when I adopted when I was a foster parent, Like he would always be like this is awesome, But I've never told me that this is what he enjoyed that and that was like something that he liked to do too.

And I'm like, Dad, no, wonder you liked when I adopted when I was a foster parent, Like he would always be like this is awesome, But I've never told me that this is what he enjoyed that and that was like something that he liked to do too.

But like, Dad, talk to me like you missed a whole chapter of y'all's life that he never Yeah unformed. Yeah, wow, Okay, that's a really cool story. And those are some really really good stories to share, Eddie.

But like, Dad, talk to me like you missed a whole chapter of y'all's life that he never Yeah unformed. Yeah, wow, Okay, that's a really cool story. And those are some really really good stories to share, Eddie.

Thank you, Yeah, thank you, Mary.

Thank you, Yeah, thank you, Mary.

I'm glad we could have have it. On a on a positive note, We're going to take a quick break and then I think I need your help.

I'm glad we could have have it. On a on a positive note, We're going to take a quick break and then I think I need your help.

Come on, I'm here for you after these two here we're here for each other.

Come on, I'm here for you after these two here we're here for each other.

Like you're going through the most difficult thing you've been through and you're okay and you're not emotional, And I'm sitting over here just like emotional. Right, how are you doing it?

Like you're going through the most difficult thing you've been through and you're okay and you're not emotional, And I'm sitting over here just like emotional. Right, how are you doing it?

Like?

Like?

I like, if I'm being honest with you any today.

I like, if I'm being honest with you any today.

It's been so hard I could tell.

It's been so hard I could tell.

I could tell like I can't even tell you that without crying. Yeah, Like, I'll just go to the bathroom. You guys make fun of our couch in the bathroom. This time we have couches in the bathroom.

I could tell like I can't even tell you that without crying. Yeah, Like, I'll just go to the bathroom. You guys make fun of our couch in the bathroom. This time we have couches in the bathroom.

Couch.

Couch.

I didn't lay down, but I sat there and I just cried in the bathroom instead of having to sit on a toilet because I don't It just comes out of nowhere. And like, but you're going you went through so much and you're you're doing so incredible with how strong you are, And I don't know that this is such a stupid thing to feel so sad about, like because it was somebody who just said, you know this isn't going to work.

I didn't lay down, but I sat there and I just cried in the bathroom instead of having to sit on a toilet because I don't It just comes out of nowhere. And like, but you're going you went through so much and you're you're doing so incredible with how strong you are, And I don't know that this is such a stupid thing to feel so sad about, like because it was somebody who just said, you know this isn't going to work.

Well, one, it's not stupid. Two you are you went all in and that's that's a hard thing for you to go all in into. Something and then it not work and it be it blindside slight side you too, like something to blindside you like that is you don't know how to prepare yourself for it, and that's why it's going to take you a while.

Well, one, it's not stupid. Two you are you went all in and that's that's a hard thing for you to go all in into. Something and then it not work and it be it blindside slight side you too, like something to blindside you like that is you don't know how to prepare yourself for it, and that's why it's going to take you a while.

You know.

You know.

It was It's like.

It was It's like.

My dad, like, if it would have been cancer, I guess I could have really just like known that this was coming or it was something like that. But since it was just an accident, I wasn't ready for this. None of us were ready for this. Same with you. You were blindsided. You weren't ready for this, and you had opened up everything. You're like, I haven't heard you on Caroline Hobbies podcast, you know, like yeah, you're like all out, this is the best thing in the world, like he is blah blah blah blah blah. But and that just came to a quick halt. Yeah, that's not gonna be easy, Morgan. It's not gonna be easy. And you're not stupid for feeling this way or acting like this. This is completely understandable.

My dad, like, if it would have been cancer, I guess I could have really just like known that this was coming or it was something like that. But since it was just an accident, I wasn't ready for this. None of us were ready for this. Same with you. You were blindsided. You weren't ready for this, and you had opened up everything. You're like, I haven't heard you on Caroline Hobbies podcast, you know, like yeah, you're like all out, this is the best thing in the world, like he is blah blah blah blah blah. But and that just came to a quick halt. Yeah, that's not gonna be easy, Morgan. It's not gonna be easy. And you're not stupid for feeling this way or acting like this. This is completely understandable.

No, But I also just you know, you get mad at yourself. You're like, why do I care that much? You know, like it's one of those where I'm like, just stop. Just he did it. Why can't you do it? You know, like other people can just turn it on and off. And I'm sitting here like, Okay, I'm gonna be a little blubber mess because I don't know how else to get all these feelings out. This is how I exist in the world, and it makes me mad at myself. So then I'm like sad, and then I'm mad on top of it, you know, like I should be able to just talk about these things and be.

No, But I also just you know, you get mad at yourself. You're like, why do I care that much? You know, like it's one of those where I'm like, just stop. Just he did it. Why can't you do it? You know, like other people can just turn it on and off. And I'm sitting here like, Okay, I'm gonna be a little blubber mess because I don't know how else to get all these feelings out. This is how I exist in the world, and it makes me mad at myself. So then I'm like sad, and then I'm mad on top of it, you know, like I should be able to just talk about these things and be.

Okay, No, no, you shouldn't be. You shouldn't be. And we're all different, you know, we're all different.

Okay, No, no, you shouldn't be. You shouldn't be. And we're all different, you know, we're all different.

But you are so strong in everything that's going on, and I'm like, you're literally looking at me, and I look like I'm a kid that somebody just like really hurt my dog. Basically, what's what it feels like.

But you are so strong in everything that's going on, and I'm like, you're literally looking at me, and I look like I'm a kid that somebody just like really hurt my dog. Basically, what's what it feels like.

Min Own is a different, complete, different situation. Like if you would have seen me three weeks ago, two weeks ago, yeah, I wouldn't have been like this. But I've prayed really really hard, and I've.

Min Own is a different, complete, different situation. Like if you would have seen me three weeks ago, two weeks ago, yeah, I wouldn't have been like this. But I've prayed really really hard, and I've.

You know, I just.

You know, I just.

Like I said, I've just I've come. I feel a complete piece with all of it. I don't like it, but I'm at peace with it. You're gonna be there too. You will get there. You will get there too. And this is so hard right now. And you know what, our job is really hard when you're going through something like this, which is I'm so thankful to Bobby and Scuba and everyone letting me have my time, because there's no way I could have even thought about coming back or even doing videos because I thought about while I was over there. I was like, let me text Morgan to see you know what, there's a lot of downtime. I don't need to be hanging out with my brother for this long, Like, let me just step away and do videos for two hours. But then really, when it came down and I'm like, I'm gonna cry over this keyboard, I'm not gonna do a video like one of the spell stuff.

Like I said, I've just I've come. I feel a complete piece with all of it. I don't like it, but I'm at peace with it. You're gonna be there too. You will get there. You will get there too. And this is so hard right now. And you know what, our job is really hard when you're going through something like this, which is I'm so thankful to Bobby and Scuba and everyone letting me have my time, because there's no way I could have even thought about coming back or even doing videos because I thought about while I was over there. I was like, let me text Morgan to see you know what, there's a lot of downtime. I don't need to be hanging out with my brother for this long, Like, let me just step away and do videos for two hours. But then really, when it came down and I'm like, I'm gonna cry over this keyboard, I'm not gonna do a video like one of the spell stuff.

The emotional capacity like it wasn't there.

The emotional capacity like it wasn't there.

It wasn't there, you know. So like our job, while you're going through something like this is hard. You have to sit there tell your opinion about something where you're like like you know, like you really do care when all you're thinking about is my life is crumbled right now.

It wasn't there, you know. So like our job, while you're going through something like this is hard. You have to sit there tell your opinion about something where you're like like you know, like you really do care when all you're thinking about is my life is crumbled right now.

Yeah, Like I just want to be crying in the bathroom please don't ask me what I feel about this time? Right, And I think Bobby does send some of that, which is really awesome about him. They'll like, look, I'm just like down. I'm like, please don't come to me, Please don't come to me, because I might just cry and it's not even a crying subject.

Yeah, Like I just want to be crying in the bathroom please don't ask me what I feel about this time? Right, And I think Bobby does send some of that, which is really awesome about him. They'll like, look, I'm just like down. I'm like, please don't come to me, Please don't come to me, because I might just cry and it's not even a crying subject.

Does Lunchbox help you, you know with his ridiculous questions and does he help you laugh a little bit about that?

Does Lunchbox help you, you know with his ridiculous questions and does he help you laugh a little bit about that?

Yeah, you know, the comedic relief, especially at the end of the announcement really helped, cause I was just like, it's also like I'm back in therapy and I'm like, having to relive it in my head is what I think is hard because I'm like I just keep getting more sad and then more angry, and those those keep the emotions keep paling on. And so like when you when that happens, you feel so emotionally exhausted after having to share that much of who you are, and so like when lunch Fox comes in and makes a joke, I'm like, Okay, I can breathe for a second, you know what I mean, Like, is he probably making find Yeah, sure, and just give it on me right now. But like it at least allows, I think, my heart to breathe from the vulnerability that I'm exposing myself to.

Yeah, you know, the comedic relief, especially at the end of the announcement really helped, cause I was just like, it's also like I'm back in therapy and I'm like, having to relive it in my head is what I think is hard because I'm like I just keep getting more sad and then more angry, and those those keep the emotions keep paling on. And so like when you when that happens, you feel so emotionally exhausted after having to share that much of who you are, and so like when lunch Fox comes in and makes a joke, I'm like, Okay, I can breathe for a second, you know what I mean, Like, is he probably making find Yeah, sure, and just give it on me right now. But like it at least allows, I think, my heart to breathe from the vulnerability that I'm exposing myself to.

How hard was that for you to come on here and tell everyone what was going on?

How hard was that for you to come on here and tell everyone what was going on?

So hard? Any I wanted to like literally cry a river, but so much of my healing, Like the only way that I was going to move on, or at least start my process moving on, was to tell everybody, because I had already shared multiple times like this is a guy that I cared so much about and now that's not happening. So like, I had people that were in my damns, like kind people who were like, you're so happy You're glowing over the weekend of like the breakup that happened, and I was like, oh god, yeah, I was like, this is so bad. I can't keep getting these messages because I'm not I'm like literally not okay. And I was like, I have to share this so that I can they can move on with me, you know what I mean? Because I had led him into that part. I hadn't shown him and I you know, nobody knew his name or anything, but like I had posted about him and I had shared really happy stories about all of that. So of course they were going to think that I was continually to be happy until I told.