Ashley and Erin regroup to discuss how the series has affected them. Andrea shares listener emails with Ashley and Avaya.
If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal Team, email us at betrayalpod@gmail.com.
To report a case of child sexual exploitation, call The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children's CyberTipline at 1-800-THE-LOST
If you or someone you know is worried about their sexual thoughts and feelings towards children, reach out to stopitnow.org
Topics featured in this episode may be disturbing to some listeners. Please take care while listening. Hi all, we have some exciting news to share. ABC Studios has turned Betrayal Season one into a documentary. You will get to meet the people involved in season one, and you'll hear from people who have never spoken before, and you get to see where the whole story took place. We are so proud and excited to share it with you all. You can start streaming it on Hulu on July eleventh. But now let's jump into the episode. Do an Internet search any day of the week for people who were arrested for possessing, producing, or downloading child sexual abuse material. You'll find something like this. Homeland Security investigators say they arrested this Walt Disney World employee on child pornography. Charges Forty one year olds facing three counts of distributing child pornography.
Elementary school teachers. Also, a youth passed so accused of using a cell phone sex crimes involving children.
Police officers behind bars this morning, charges possession of child pornography.
A stunning turn for a mayor in his second term in office.
We'll lease say he both possessed and distributed.
Images and videos of Hen's.
Or while discributing child pornography on various those films, admitted I can take her that.
Knock that it translates reveal multiple child monomopy filed.
You never know what kind of person is like how a person behaves on the closed doors.
I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal Episode eight, One Step at a Time. It's been about a year since Ashley Lynton first wrote into us at Betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That's how this all started. One email, then another and another that opened my eyes to the crime of sexual exploitation of children that's happening everywhere, and the shocking reality that those involved are community leaders, friends, neighbors, loved ones and partners. Three courageous women, Ashley, Mandy and Erin told us their story so that we might better understand the reality of what our families and our kids are facing. Now here's something I haven't told you. A lot of people urged us not to tell this story. They said, nobody wants to hear about this topic. It's a loser for a podcast. Some were friends and some are in the business. But you've proved them wrong. You stayed with us, My boss backed us, and iHeart said yes, we believe in this. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. This is the last episode of the regular season, so I wanted to go back to the women who made this whole thing happen. I spoke with Ashley, who lives outside Salt Lake City, Utah, and Erin, who is near Fresno, California. Both took the bold step of turning their husbands into law enforcement upon finding seesam in their homes, knowing they were ending life as they knew it. Erin lived with her husband, Joel, and her two kids outside of a military base in Texas. She fled to California after her discovery. Ashley's husband, Jason, was also filming her daughter a Veya, and was ultimately charged with foyeurism. Now that they have been a part of the series and have gone public, we wanted to reconnect. So guys, I wanted us to get together today to talk about the season and see how you guys are doing. After hearing the majority of the episodes, I mean, you both kind of had very similar experiences, like even down to calling your brother in laws that are in law enforcement, So I guess I'll start with erin aarin. What was it like hearing Ashley's story?
It felt super validating to hear such a similar experience. But one thing that really really blew me away was our origin story, like having a sick mother and I don't know how ash would describe her father, but like mine was emotionally unavailable, you know, and just like having that dynamic and then seeing how that led to our attachment style and potentially some codependence there.
It kind of felt like a belonging.
I was like, I have somebody that's met me in the same crossroads, So it felt really validating for me.
Also, it's not a tribe you want to be a part of, but you also don't want to be alone in either, And so, like you said, we're not the victims according to see Sam, So I found little support there.
Other divorces and even.
People on dating apps they don't understand how I feel or that I feel like I did nothing wrong in my marriage, So it's just really really alienating. But then to find somebody else in those crassroads is like, oh, thank god, I'm relatable to somebody.
Yeah, with everything you've both been through.
Can you even imagine or be open to allowing yourself to be vulnerable to be in a relationship again. Would you even consider a new relationship?
I knew for sure that I never wanted to date again. I couldn't reconcile how I would bring somebody into my safe circle that I've built over this last year, especially with the children. However, there is a good friend of mine that has been really supportive and really patient and really kind. I had known this particular person from years before, and he'd reached out just to see how I was doing, and then asked if we could go get coffee. At that point, I still couldn't even leave my home. I didn't feel safe enough to even go to the grocery store. So to think about going in public, not even just with me, but with another mail by myself, I physically couldn't do it. So after a couple of weeks, I agreed to go to dinner with him, you know, as a platonic thing. We'd kind of talked here and there, and we got to the dinner place and I was like, I can't go in, and then he's like, well, do you want to get drive through? Like, what's your favorite food, and I was like, Okay, French fries. He's really had to endure quite a bit to stay involved in my life, because there's plenty of times if I were him, i'd be like, this is a lot.
But he's been really cool.
For me.
When I heard you actually say he has to deal with a lot because of me or whatever. If he wants to be in your life, he's going to have to. I just want you to speak highly of your life because you've done so much to get to where you are, and I don't want you to talk about what your experience is in any shame or put that down because you didn't.
Put yourself in this situation Jason did.
I think you're totally right, and I think it might be something that Aaron's already processed through that I haven't because it's been in stages. I don't feel like I have a big banner above my head that says, Hey, my name's Ashley, I have three kids, I have a great career. Oh and guess what, my husband, Jason was arrested for child pornography.
You know.
So it's not like that anymore, but I feel like I'm still hiding it behind my back. You know, like it's still there right. It defines every single day in my life, anything that goes wrong or not as planned. I still am like, fuck you, Jason, That's really what I think right now. What he did still define so much of the kids and I in our days and how we move forward.
But you know, slowly going away. Yeah, well thanks for sharing that.
What about you, Erin, How has this affected your ability to trust and your openness to relationships?
Initially I felt similar. It was really scary and it took me some time to open up to people. But over the course of time, I kind of swung the other way.
I'm hyper independent as far as attachment styles, I'm more.
Love avoidant, where I can cut somebody off quickly.
Also, being a therapist, I'm working on myself and I'm thinking about thoughts and feelings and systemic behavior all day long, every day of the week.
So I'm not ready in a position to not be relatable to most men. The emotional IQ just isn't there for me. So I do try to online date, I do try to connect with people, but if it doesn't work out for me, I'm quick to shut that down and move another way because my life is good. I've done a lot of work to clean up that part. We don't have baggage moving forward. I have the custody of my kids.
My kids were young when this all happened, so the only person I have to blame for their behavior is myself.
Because I'm the only one who's been raising them and has this attachment to them. I'd like to think as far as the package that I put out moving forward is HI, I'm Aaron, I have a great job, I run my own business, I have two wonderful kids.
This is us and the rest of it is just background noise at this point.
Wow, you're amazing.
Yeah, if you had a chance, Ash, would you go back to your old life before you found out everything.
Wow, I'm gonna be super honest. I miss how naive I was to.
All of this.
Ugly.
I miss the mother I was. I miss the routine. I just missed that boring, mundane life that many people when they're married for a decade or whatever however long. You're like, this is fucking boring.
I miss that.
I miss that with every single ounce of my soul. So I don't know. I can't fully one answer.
That I totally understand that but through my therapy with Jess, I also know that I would have never been able to deal with some of my core wounds that have led me to some of the choices that I made, or not valuing myself and not trusting myself. Maybe me being who I was then would have made it worse for the children than actually dealing with how we got to this spot. So for the first time in my life, I feel joy that I've never felt. It's like living in a black and white world my whole life, and then all of a sudden, I see color, and I know what I like and I know what I want. But I'm like, you are smart, and you're beautiful, and you are worthy, and you are a good mother, and this is a good choice. I have to actually have that self dialogue now.
Arin, you first found out that your husband Joel was consuming CCM in twenty seventeen, so it's been considerably longer. You seem to be able to separate what happened from the life you have with your kids.
Now. I was a wife because I liked that role I was playing. I liked the dynamic that we had, but it really had nothing to do with him. I didn't like being his wife. But I liked having those family values, you know, having the potential to have children and go to soccer games and make breakfast in the morning. I love doing all of that stuff. And that's because that's my character. It has nothing to do with what he deserves or what he didn't deserve. I would have done that stuff anyway. You know, it was free, it was unconditional. Would I want to go back to that life?
Fuck No, that was a lie. That was a hile. Fac Yeah, a total facade.
Now I think I actually have the chance at being unchained and real and authentic with someone, and like, what a blessing.
And we're young, We've got tons of time to do this. Right, listening to you talk makes me emotional on such a crier.
I just wouldn't want to go. I feel like you're a past version of me.
I hope you're a future version of me.
That's such a supreme prompliment. But I just want to say it's gonna be okay, it's gonna be better. I wish that people that we interacted with or tried to date understood what a fucking blessing it is to be with someone like us, because we stepped up and we did the right thing. We have integrity, we have strength, We know what we want, We know how to deal with difficult situations, and sometimes that just gets me when people maybe misunderstand me as a burden because I think.
I'm plucking awesome. You are and you're gonna be awesome too.
Are.
Our goal was to unearth a betrayal going on in homes across the country. A new friendship between these women is an extra gift. Another gift is hearing from our audience. We set up an email Betrayal Pod at gmail dot com so you can send us anything, your own story of betrayal, thoughts about the podcast, even complaints. We get a few of those, but mostly we've seen letters of support or similar experiences.
We asked Ashley and.
Her teenage daughter Avea, who was the victim of her stepfather Jason's voyeurism, sit with us and read some how's been everything Since we launched the show, I've been thinking about.
You good, really good. I've had a lot of girls reach out to me and about the podcast, which is super cool.
So this one says Aveya, Hi. I'm sure Avea has heard. She's an inspiration I'm sure she's heard. She's strong, that she's persevered through the worst thing imaginable as someone who was abused by their mother's fiance at twelve years old. Avea is more than that. She's a role model. I'm twenty four now. I never told my mother what happened, even though she knows. I was groomed and abused by my father till I was fifteen, and I never told anyone about it until I met my husband. Avea's strength to come forward and give the biggest middle finger to Jason felt so cathartic to hear she's laying stones for healing, helping pave the way for the kids who are going through all of this and will unfortunately go.
Through this in the future.
I hope Avea knows how inspirational her bravery and strength is. I wish Evea, Ashley and the whole betrayal crew the best. Thank you for telling the story and bringing awareness to a dangerous oversight in the criminal justice system.
Thank you so much. Jay Oh.
It's really awesome to hear other people's stories and like them have the strength to come forward and talk about it, even them writing that email is such a big thing.
Too, right, because even putting together in an email could be scary to somebody.
Yeah yeah, clicking send could be the hardest thing that they've ever done, you.
Know, right.
Hello, I just started season two today and my heart is pounding. I was also a victim of a partner who committed a crime with child pornography. He worked with underage girls as a youth wellness coordinator and access the internal records at his work to track down his victims on Facebook and groomed them. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about it still, but hearing others on the podcast talk about going through the same thing has been really helpful in the process and processing my trauma. Thank you so much for making this podcasts.
Just mind blowing to me.
I never would have imagined people from across the world reaching out to us telling us their stories and how they feel.
When she had said the way that her partner had groomed his victims, it made me remember like the shame that I felt and how terrible it was. And when she said that she was able to work through some of the trauma by hearing the stories. It's another one of those things where I was like, Okay, this is exactly where I am supposed to be right now because of women like her.
The next one.
I just want to say to Ashley, thank you for being there for your kids. I went through something like your daughter went through, but it turned out differently. My grandfather violated me, my sister, and my cousin for years.
It started when I was four and only.
Stopped when I was six, and it's because my cousin told the police. My grandfather first started out with Sea Sam and then all the way up to what he did to us.
When my mom found out.
What had happened and the things he did, she couldn't believe that her father would do such terrible things, so she didn't believe any of it. She refused to face reality to protect her children, and it's why I haven't spoken to her in years. Ashley, you have saved countless little girls from being severely traumatized and hurt by Jason. I can never ever thank you enough for that. You are an amazing mom, and I just wish my younger self had a mom that was even half as brave as you are. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Wow.
I think my biggest fair through all of this was exactly what this woman has wrote in. I always thought that there's a possibility that someday my children will be upset with maybe the way that I originally handled Jason being caught, and one day they choose not to have a relationship with me because of the way that I initially reacted.
You mean, when you went back into wifey mode and supporting him after he got out of jail the first time.
Yeah, but I also know that once, you know, I kind of went through that brief and really got over some of the denial and really looked at it straight in the face.
I realized a couple things.
One of them was, in my opinion, the criminal justice system isn't there for the victims. I'm so grateful that this woman hurt us, and I'm grateful that in ten years, twenty years, that my children and other children and other women can look back and they'll know that this was my fight. This was the only way I knew how to fight for them. Yeah, thank you.
When we first went out to Utah, here's what Avea told us about the podcast.
So when my mother had first told me about this project, I kind of was like, what is she like?
She's crazy?
Like she has lost her mind, like something is wrong with her, Like she is here, she batshit crazy. She thinks that she's getting on a damn podcast.
Avea, Do you think your mom's so bad shit crazy for getting on a damn podcast?
No, No, I definitely don't think so. Now this has changed my mom's life. It has made her a completely different person. And I am beyond grateful for this podcast. And I guess I didn't really understand it as much at first, but now that it's really like in action and going on, I really understand the help that it's brought to my mom. And I definitely don't think she's batshit crazy anymore. I definitely am beyond proud of her.
At the beginning of the series, I told you about flying into Salt Lake City and the inviting, shadowy mountains that welcomed us late at night when we arrived. We had come here to meet Ashley Lynton and learn about what happened to her family. I told you about the sinister things that had happened in her home, all of the conflicting feelings of grappling with the beauty and the darkness. Before we left Salt Lake City, we drove up to the Utah State Capital one afternoon. The building sits at a high elevation overlooking downtown Salt Lake City. A grand staircase sits up front, with symmetrical Corinthian columns along the width of the building in signe peak, a hill with religious significance to latter day Saints peaks from behind. The building reminds you of a mini version of the Capitol in DC.
It was cold, but.
There was a clear blue sky when we arrived. We entered through a side door. There was security there, a few police officers, and we stood there. We were waiting for a metal detector, maybe someone to go through our bag, something to happen. It was a little awkward, to be honest. Finally, my producer said, with all the authorities she could muster, we're here to see the Attorney General. The cops looked at us, amused and said, well, what did you do? Okay from Philly? This was so different from what we'd expect. Yeah, it's the people's house, sure, but we're still checking your bag.
Not here.
Nobody was checking anything. Third floor was all they said, with a wave. We had some extra time, so we roamed around the building. Built in nineteen sixteen. The Utah Capitol Building has a dome supported by striking marblestones dotted with skylights and murals depicting early pioneers. We walked around and peeked into the chambers where the State Senate and State House meet, and then we met up with Attorney General Reys's chiefest staff for a cantrell.
Okay, there is one thing you should see, but it's on the other side of the stero, going down behind Christmas Tree.
Okay.
E Rick led us to a staircase on the west side of the Capitol leading up to the second floor.
Okay, so my favorite sculpture of the democracy and freedom is not like.
George Washington or something like that. It's these stereo ways you can see on each side.
It kind of dips down.
At first, I couldn't tell what Rick was talking about. They looked like normal steps, but then it became clear. Oh my god, I noticed on the right side you can see an indentation in the marble worn down, created by one hundred years of footsteps. That's literally just like hard work, wearing tear of people that just going to work.
It's a statue of democracy carved by literal.
Democracy, negotiating, working, evolving to make change change for the better. During the project, I thought about the staircase often. Sometimes it can be frustrating, wondering well things ever change, But these stairs reminded me it just starts with one step and dedication to keep moving forward and upward. We can make laws, We can tell our representatives what matters to us and what we expect of them they don't hear us. We can find new representatives. We can hold people accountable when they hurt our children. Betrayal starts with the people brave enough to share what's wrong in their relationships and in our greater society. My hope is we'll all do something to make it better. I'm Andrea Gunning, and you'll hear from me on a bonus episode soon. If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal Team, email us at Betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal Pod at gmail dot com. To report a case of child sexual exploitation, call the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children's cyber tipline at one eight hundred the Lost. If you or someone you know is worried about their sexual thoughts and feelings. Towards children. Reach out to Stop it Now dot org. In the United Kingdom go to stop it now dot org dot UK. These organizations can help. We're grateful for your support and one way to show up it is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts and don't forget to rate and review Betrayal five star reviews go a long way, A big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group, in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show was executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fason, hosted and produced by me Andrea Gunning, written and produced by Kerry Hartman, also produced by Ben Fetterman and associate producer Chris and Melcurrie. Our iHeart team is Ali Perry and Jessica Krincheck. Special thanks to our talent Ashley Linton, Aveya and Erin. Thank you to production assistant Tessa Shields. Audio editing and mixing by Matt Dovechio. Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Bains. Music library provided by my Music and For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts