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The Benched Bachelorette Episode 1: Saying Goodbye

Published Mar 23, 2022, 12:21 AM

Rachel Bonnetta starts her journey towards newfound fandom with a brand new series: The Benched Bachelorette. 32 teams vie for the affections of one free agent fan. Which team will she choose? On the premiere episode, one team is sent home...

When I woke up this morning, I was feeling pretty dangerous. We're on a Cincinnati it's my team, it's my quarterback. They are who we thought they were, and we got about Hello, you play to win the day. They want you to cook the dinner. At least they ought to let your shout for some of the grocery. And on the way up, we're gonna buy a kneecap. All get playoffs. I'm just here so I won't get fine. How could he not be romantic about football? Hello, lovely people. Welcome to the bench with Benetta Podcast. Uh. Last time we talked last Tuesday. Nothing's really happened since then. It's been very quiet, slow, slow week, almost no news at all. I'm going insane. Oh what a week, What a terrible, terrible week. Last time we were here on we're sitting pretty we were feeling good as Browns band. We were like, whoof things happened? Deshaun Watson is now the starting quarterback for the Cleveland Browns. Baker Mayfield has walked away at this point in time, barring some emergency happening while we're recording, Baker Mayfield is just in limbo in quarterback limbo right now, we have no idea where he's going. Panther said, they don't want him. Could it be Seattle, Could it be Nowhere, Could it be Pittsburgh. We don't know. It's been an interesting week. I feel like I don't really want to talk about the bad stuff. I'm a little tired. I'm exhausted. I think I've said my piece at this point. I think everyone's basically said their piece. I'm I've made the decision to move on from the team that I love very much, and just real quick, you know, I fell in love with the Cleveland Browns. I've only been covering football for this will be my fifth season coming up. I know, shocker. I'm an incredible analysis and I know so much so that's shocking to you. But when I first started covering football, I was hosting a show on Fox Sports called Lock It In, and I never really watched football before, and I decided that I wanted to adopt a team so that I could really get into it. And that was the year that the Browns were on Hard Knocks and I was introduced to Baker Mayfield and this incredible personality. Remember when he was like impersonating coaches and guys on the team, like he was just so fun and the rest of the team was just so energetic, and Hugh Jackson was a mess and they had the beer fridge that was locked, and I was like, what, I don't even need to watch a game. I'm in love with this team, Like they were just so much fun to root for in the past few years have literally been so incredible. I fell in love with a sport that I never really felt like I could get into when I was younger. I felt like it was too complicated. I thought there was too many rules. I grew up watching hockey, not football. I don't have those stories with my family, our thanksgivings, not even the same in Canada. Okay, I didn't have those memories. And I just fell in love with a team, these lovable losers. And I really feel like that's kind of how it came down to my decision this week to move on from the Cleveland Browns is I realized the reason I fell in love with them is because of their character, that these lovable losers, like I said, and I think that that character is no longer what it was, and so I think I would just have a really hard time moving forward and to each their own. I'm not telling anybody to do anything. I've talked to so many Browns fans this week, friends of mine, people that I don't know, and they all there's there's a lot of different opinions out there, and some people will stay and some people will go. Um. I am unfortunately choosing to move on, and it sucks. I'm really really sad. But good thing is I now love football, and to be honest, my Sunday's my week doesn't change much like I watch every single game anyways, and so I'm going to continue to cheer for good football and chaos, which we love on this podcast. But it did have me thinking this week. I did love the whole falling in love with a football team, so why not try to do it again? Baby? We are starting the what should we call this fellas bench Bachelorette? Whoa? This music sounds sad? Okay? This music sounds like I'm a widow, we're work shopping. Love it? Okay? What about this one? YEA love the symbols because it's bachelorette. To me to hear the symbols, I think that sound it's sad. Okay, Okay, maybe maybe my husband didn't die. Maybe I chose myself. Okay, huh, that's what this song's giving me. A story of hope benched Bachelorette. Okay, you can cut it. That's the one. So every single week now leading up to the very first game of the season. How many weeks do we have left? About twenty one, twenty two. So there's thirty two teams that we are going to meet today, and we're gonna kind of go around the carousel. This is the first night of Bachelor. This is when all the people are coming out of the limos and introducing themselves, and you learn weird things and you see some try to see if her tracking in the first place. Okay, because as we learned on love is blind, love is not always blind. You gotta gotta like what you're seeing here, you know what I mean. So we're gonna go through some teams here. I opened it. I mistakenly opened up my DMS today, and I regret to inform you they are still I literally just looked at my DMS still so many messages coming in. I asked our lovely listeners if perhaps somebody was in the market for a team, what would make your team so attractive. And I got so many messages I haven't been able to even open all of them. So we're gonna get through those in a second. Here, should we go through some of these teams? So let's just do like a little carousel situation. Yeah, you will meet some of the teams. It's like on the Bachelorette. You don't hear from every single guy. You can't. Yeah, you need some curveball. So I found this website called wordwall dot net and it's literally a carousel with all of these NFL teams. So I'm just gonna I'm gonna spit it. Okay, I am landing the Kansas City Chiefs. Okay, here's my initial thoughts. Um, I would feel like a little bit of a bandwagon situation because the Kansas City Chiefs have been incredible the past few years. You've got the best quarterback in the NFL. You've got Travis Kelsey, You've got a defense that's actually been showing up this past year. Right old more than I'm just saying. It might start to be a bit of a whole picture here. But you've got Jackson Holmes, you've got the tiktok's're gonna have to deal with. They just signed Juju Smith Schuster. That's more. Juju is a Steeler's favorite. Those bringbacks and bad memories of him dancing on the Brown's logo right again. Related back to TikTok, I feel like TikTok could be a barrier between myself and the Chiefs. What about Andy Reid? Then, my guy Andy Reid? Who how could you not love him? The must as, the glasses, the Chommy Bahama shirts, his love of cheeseburgers. Um, oh, that's a toughie. He's gonna rail me back in, but I am hesitant to climb aboard. Also the fans, the caliber of fans. I mean that place, just Arrowhead, I think hows the loudest recorded decibel um arena in all of NFL. Can you even call it an arena? I mean stadium. That's my Canadian coming out. But you've got fans like Paul Red, You've got some pretty rob riggle Um. Who's the guy from Modern Family? Real quick? Um Cam, the guy who played Thank You? Okay, so there there is solid pick. Okay, let's spin again. Oh ooh, it landed on the Baltimore Ravens. Now, okay, okay, oh call that Hunt cool down. Boltimore Ravens is actually very intriguing to me because there has been there's been the petty Rachel is thinking about AFC North, like why don't I just go to another team because that's gonna really you know, not that literally anybody cares. But I can't really drive of a fork in to him. So I was thinking about the Steelers. I don't think I can do that. That's that's too much. Bengals, they were just in the super Bowl like that. Also, Joe Burrows great and Joe Burrows great. For me, it's Ohio. So yeah, it's still Ohio. Okay, so we know where Mohun's leaning is. Maybe dating the Bengals right now, but the Ravens. The only thing I would worry about the Ravens is Lamar Jackson was like, look what happened to him this year? He got really sick a bunch, not even with COVID. I think he just kept on like not being able to take care of himself. Or was he just sitting out because he didn't maybe the I know, the team got like rocked with injuries and Covid at the very beginning of this Sea season was sitting because he was just like, it's just not my year. Do you feel a little bit like breaking up with someone and then dating their best friend if you go with a team in the AFC North, Yes, But what if the guy that you're breaking up with, like did something real bad that's fair, like kiss your mother, or what if it's like you're dating someone and then you start you break up with them and you start dating their bully. That's basically what it is. The Ravens crush. The I don't know if that sounds that sounds kind of hot, spicy, that's at all. Right, let's spit again Ravens maybe, oh maybe, Okay, I feel like it just like a big flirt. Um, okay, okay. Oh. Falcons is interesting. I do really like Matt Ryan and they just lost him. We don't even know who's the starting quarterback for the Falcon We don't know, Yeah, Mariota believe unless they spend the eighth pick overall on somebody. Do people call him Hawaiian Jesus? I think Titan fans used to once upon a time. Well, how do you feel about Marcus Mariota because that was your pride and joy at one point. And I used to love Marcus Mariota, but at this point, Mariota, you gotta put the enunciation on the tea. That's the Hawaiian way, just like one of the best humans. And I don't know if you saw all these tweets, like his former teammates tweeting like crazy when he got signed by Atlanta, like congratulations and how much they love him. But on the field, can he get the job done? I feel like he's a bridge quarterback. The thing with the Falcons is you're like buying in on the ground floor, Like you get the chance to watch a team rise from not that great to potentially grow on. So that's I think what is really intriguing to me as we go on this search is like, how could we relate this to a person that's getting out of their limousine, Like maybe somebody that's never been on TV before, They've like not even really had many serious relationships, like just like a you know, just like something that you can really buy into. Maybe it's somebody getting out of the limousine that has only had terrible relationships and maybe I've only had terrible relationships, and we're looking at each other like, let's treat each other right. Let's do this thing right. You know you deserve better, both of you. That sounds cute. Okay, let's fin again. Let's do this couple more tens. This is fun. Okay, Okay, we landed on the Cowboys. I feel like all of us kind of collectively went through something with Dak Prescott and the Cowboys. I don't I don't even care if you hate the Cowboys. Seeing Dak Prescott go down and get hurt and then watching him come back this past year. I still think that he should have one comeback Player of the Year. Yeah, this is a team that I can buy into. This is a but I also, you know, Sally Acono cousin sal is a very good friend of mine. I've seen him go through some pain. I don't know if I want the same war wounds as he as he has. Speaking of, I really want to have so many people on this podcast this summer. We don't really do guests were exclusive VIP on this podcast, but I do really want people to come and sit here and look me in my face and tell me why I should or should not be a fan of their team. So we'll get sal in here. I just did his podcast, who he owes me one Cynthia Freeland. I just talked to smartest person in the building here. She is a huge Lions fan. I don't even want to say huge because she denies it, like literally anytime anyone brings it up. But if they're playing well on a Sunday, you check her tweets because she'll be cheering for the Lions. So not that often or very seldom, very seldom. Okay, hold on, let me ask you as this. I have my favorites in my head. Okay, who give me your top three picks from most favorite to Lisa Favorite? Well, can I say the Titans or is that too? I mean Titans for sure? Knowing me right? What do you think I'm going to that's the question? Yes. So my pitch for the Titans is simple. They have a very strong female owner who took over a two and fourteen team and has turned them into a franchise that has six consecutive winning seasons, three straight playoff appearances, two straight division titles. He had this prepped, he like wrote this down it back because Nashville is an awesome city. Friend of the podcast. Who I mean, he knows you're not a Titans fan, but maybe if you update him on what's inclined to. Okay, that's your number one pick, because you're going Titans. Yeah. Who do you think I'm gonna go with? I think the Chargers? Do you think I'm gonna go with the Chargers? Locool local team? Jack? Uh? Justin Herbert's great, nice young quarterback, good flow. Uh. They're kind of the little brother to the Rams. I like that. Uh. And it's a fun division. It's gonna be a very competitive division. Herby, did you mention him? I've just hurburt. Yeah, he's got grateful. But do they have a cool chant? They don't? Boltop is pretty cool. Don't do that here, Bolt. Uh. Let me tell you, guys, Neither of those are my favorite. Now. Neither of those are my number one in my mind right now. Okay, there might be class, they might not. I guess the ANSWER's gonna have to tune in three. I can't. I can't reveal that information. I'm just saying they're not my number one. All right? Will they get a rose this week? Okay, Well, that's the thing. I think we are going to give out some roses at the end of this episode, and one team is not going to get a rose. But first I did open the DMS. I want to get to some of these messages. Here is what the people are sending in. This is their pitch to me. Okay, DMS now open okay at Spas says easy the d Detroit Lions simply because you can watch them while stuffing your face every Thanksgiving. Listen, this is this is something that I mentioned before. I had these dreams. Watching football on a on a Thanksgiving afternoons sounds so cozy. I would love. I mean, I'm watching anyways, but to root for your team while you're doing that, that sounds really That's an idyllic. That's a very romantic image of football. You have to consider how the holidays are going to play into your relationship. You really do, you absolutely do. Um. This might be a hot take, but I don't love football on Thanksgiving. That is hot because because you're no because like you can't always just sit there. I have to help and do stuff and like go on last minute grocery. I think I know what this is about. Listen, you guys don't know this about Mohan famously in our group of friends, Mohan takes naps, not yet his mom. Mohan's been known to take naps on the couch like a sweet little baby boy with his mom. And I think like Thanksgiving is the holiday of naps. That is the number one day to nap in the entire calendar year. And if you nap, you can't watch football, so that I think that that's actually why you don't like falling Thanksgiving. There's just too much going on. I don't have to defend myself. The Lions on Thanksgiving never play while you're eating. They always have the first game. So is that true? Always don't know, But she's in crackers, poor yourself much too early bread. There always the premier meal spot either way, it's on the day. Junkyard dog Okay, I could get into it all right at tarn kill him, no big deal. Whoa love him? He's so funny. Do you this is what he said? Do you like being a world champion with the best sports stadium in the world? Hashtag who's just playing? But here's my thing, I just feel like coming. I just think it's deducts so many tool points. If you're going in after a Super Bowl then you're like, oh, you're such a bandwagon fan. You're also coming in probably after the peak. Yeah yeah, maybe, I mean they might. I feel like after this year, Sean McVeagh retires, I think Aaron Donald retires. So you have maybe one good year and you want to catch a team on the up swing. Yeah okay. Ian Laird also lions before he's operating. Hear me out. This is what he said. There is never any expectation. If you win a game, it is a great day. If you lose, oh well, I kind of love this. I love just watching football. I'm not gonna, you know, get too upset. The worst time in my football career was when the Browns went to the playoffs because I was like very stressful. I was so stressed out. I was so excited, such high highs, and then I had such low lows. Um Patrick said, how about my Cowboys. You'd make a real per cowgirl, little lady. But he's not wrong. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Somebody texted. An owner of a team texted a friend of mine today, you guys know what I'm talking about. What're not goes like? Wow? And they said, how do we get Banetta on the bandwagon. The word is out. Okay, people are starting to court me. I'm getting I'm getting follows from all these different teams. Today. The Chargers started following me. Today, the Titans started following me. Today, The Detroit Lions started following me. Today. People are siding into the DM Bills. You, Hey, the Bills through me. Hey, Okay, the Bills is a big contender. Okay, I'll have you know because I feel like when I started watching football, people were like, why aren't you a fan of Buffalo? It's so close all my family, you know, if they're ever gonna go to a game, they're gonna go to Buffalo. Um okay, And you got, like I said, catching a team on the up swing. Yeah, that seems like Chris's proposed in the Minnesota Vikings, I feel like we have a very similar accent. Kirk Cousins just signed on again. I don't know if I'm super hot on that. I feel like the last few years have just been They had this insane record, Like I don't know what it ended up being at the end of the year, but they had so many one point losses. I was like, this has got to be absolutely atrocious for a fan to go through. And Justin Jefferson is a friend. Justin Jefferson is a friend of the pod. I could cheer for him. I am cheering for him. Okay, my Bears suck, but they're rebuilding. Kansas City Chiefs Kingdom will welcome you with open arms. Here's the thing is, like, I also, maybe let's ask our bosses if we can like put a little travel budget behind this baby. There's some cities like listen, I might be a Saints fan, never been in New Orleans, never, and I think that that's what we should argue. We should go upstairs to the boss's office right after this and be like, how how do you expect me to pick between you know, Nashville, which I've also never been to, Tennessee Titans and the Saints. When I've not been to these cities, they gotta wine and dime you. It just makes sense. It is just the premiere, so we'll see. Maybe we'll do some visits like they do. I think that we should do some family, some home visits, because this is the benched Bachelorette after all. Okay, so before we go, we have to give out some roses and I'm going to give roses today to thirty one teams, so maybe just tell us who's not going to tell you who's not first, I will not be giving a rose. Two Cleveland Brons moving on, and I'm leaving it in the past, and I hope they find happiness where they are going. They've chosen their partner and I'm going to choose a new I'm excited. This is like open road, like it could bring me, you know, a lot of attention, which I am actually really enjoying so far. So come back next week. We are going to start having some guests on this show. Oh, I'm filling in on Good Morning Football next week. I'm gonna be in New York next week. I guess we're gonna be doing this over Skype. Hell yeah, So tune into Good Morning Football next week Monday to Friday, bright and early. I'm going to be there, hopefully not being asked to talk about anything but I don't want to talk about and it'll be great, and tune in to see who gets the rose next week. Don't we to subscribe to the show follows on Instagram and Twitter at bench underscore Pod to see the videos clips we talk about each week with your own eyeballs. Wait, play the play the song, Oh not this song? Our new theme, play our new theme. Let's go out on a high note, a hopeful note. Yes, who will get a rose next year? Who will get a rose next week? Week? Or next year next season? Find out on the benched Bachelorette. Wow, you could really moonlight as like a voice over actor. I think it would be fun. Bie guys, see you next week.