We're back for a new season and the struggle is real guys! In this episode we chat the highs and low lows of the last few months and it seems we're all in the same boat.
Approche Production.
Welcome to Behind the Drapes. I'm your host Brent Draper aka Drakes, and.
I'm Shanlee Draper and we're here to talk about stuff according to us.
Hey guys, it's Draper here.
And I was naked on the Golkos Highway.
Yoh, buddy is made to give birth. You are a strong woman. Welcome back to the second season of Behind the Drakes. I'm Bran, I'm Shanley. Twenty three was one hell of a year for us. It was as busy and as rewarding as you can possibly get. I think, obviously at the top little Bowie, you know, bringing a new life into the world amazing. So I moved to Melbourne and obviously took out the trophy in Marster Cheff, which is top five things of my life what I've done, and then Bang twenty twenty four hits us.
Obviously, we had a lot of highs in the year and they were like bang bang bang after each other. You know. Our biggest low was that we lost Jock, and then I think because of the way Master Chef ran and how it was on TV and all that kind of stuff, it was like high, really really low high. You know what I mean, like it felt like there was that you know, kind of you went back up when you had the win, obviously in terms of how busy you got and how much energy you're putting out into the world, and I think obviously maybe at distraction as well. But so I just want to say that as well. I think we did have some lows for sure, but that year was very special in terms of the fact that you did win the show, and also we had a beautiful bowie and we moved to our favorite place in the northern New South Wales.
Yeah, we love it.
We love it there and we feel so lucky to live there. But I think today it's really important. So we were like talking about this episode and what we want to talk about. But Jpes was like, oh, you know, I don't want to just get on there and like talk about my own shit and you know, make it all about me. And I was like, well, the reality is it's behind the drapes. You'r draper. And I think it's important for us to not just like share how great things are, but to also in the moment, probably more important than ever, tell people when things aren't so great, because I think we hear a lot of hindsight stuff, you know, like your story with your mental health with Master Chef was very much like you told the story, but you were telling it past tense. So you told it six months you know, it happened six months ago. Whereas I think what we're kind of feeling and going through and like living through at the moment is really relevant, and I think we should talk about it. So I'm going I open up to you, Drapes. I want to ask you, how are you feeling in twenty twenty four.
Look, I think I don't know. This is the first year I think where I haven't been like, oh, yeah, this is twenty twenty four. This is my year. There's my purpose, there's my north star. That's where I'm heading. I've flowed into twenty twenty four of the back of twenty twenty three. Last sort of three months or twenty twenty three. You know, obviously baby and Christmas, I sort of just I had sort of nothing on, which isn't amazing, Like it's how good is that to be able to, like, you know, be at home with your little newborn.
Well, yeah, and that's what we've talked about.
This.
You would have dreamt of that when you had Alphae, you had two weeks off with Alfie, you had to go back to work, and you hated going back to work, Whereas this time around, you had November and December and you were like chomping at the bit to do some work, and realistically, like, let's be honest, you actually weren't that happy.
We need to do something in life. You can't just cruise around. You need purpose in life. Yeah, I think everyone needs a purpose, whether the purposes their kids, or their purposes their career, or their purposes making people feel good by being a yoga, instructoring, volunteering, whatever it is. And you know, I think at the end of last year, I sort of lost a bit of my purpose. And I know a lot of people because I've talked to a lot of people, and I know a lot of people are going to feel the same where they just feel like I'm just floating around at the moment, no traction, no direction, no sort of goals, and just sort of I've just felt like I've stumbled and landed in twenty twenty four and now I'm just getting up and I'm like, where the fuck do I go? What do I do? Yeah, Like I thought, Hang on a minute, do I go back to being a trade e or do I try another trade? I love a lot of things.
Which is so like I said that the time, You're so lucky to have somebody have hobbies and passions, which I had as many as you do.
Yeah, and then you know, I've figured out that I know, for my own mental health, I don't want to go back to a job just to do a job. I want to do something that I just absolutely love, but I don't know how to get there. You know, I've got a lot of things that I could do. I just feel like I'm a little bit lost, and I know a lot of people out there it would feel exactly the same, you know, especially the price of everything in life at the moment, it's kind of keeping people locked into maybe jobs that they hate. But I really want to go, you know, find that thing that lights them up. But obviously sort of you know, you can't with you know, your finances tied up in like the job that you've got that's paying so well, or you know.
Yeah, they feel stuck in a different way.
So they feel stuck in a different way.
They don't have the opportunity to go for things that they want. You feel stuck in the way that you've got so many things you could potentially do, but none of them are quite sticking, and none of them are giving you purpose like you really want them to. Yeah, because even as a trade I think you had purpose, Like you love that you said you had that feel for steel.
I have the Okay, here it is in the plan, and now go and build it. And you know you've got to work it out how it's going to work. How is it going to do this? And it's always like thinking building, thinking an end.
Product product, and right now you don't have an end product. And like you know, we've talked about it. Maybe it's almost like you had like when you were a trade you felt like you had no options, and now you have so many options and you don't know which one it is. That sounds like such a first word problem, but it kind of is. When you're so lost and you're not doing much because you don't know what to do, Like it it's almost like you're paralyzed a bit at the moment.
I don't want to really talk about this too much because it seems like it's just a fucking the first world problem and get over yourself, brand and move on. But not having any purpose and just being drifting around. I've actually noticed my mental health has absolutely deteriorated. You know, the things that I should be doing that I preached everyone that I always do myself, I was no longer doing. It's exactly what happens every time. It's a vicious cycle of falling in that little rut or being whatever it might be, and then all of a sudden you can't get around to doing you know, the cold showers, running in the morning, the exercise, the you know all those things that when I had a purpose and I was excited, those things were just chicken feed in the morning. They were like, oh yeah, five k run, ten k run, let's go feeling good and doorphins at the moment. I'll go for a run, you know, and I just don't really feel much after it. Or I go fishing and I'll come back in. I'm like that was you know, it was good, it was fun. But it's like that used to freaking Like I used to come back in just like so excited. But you know, everything feels a little melancholy, like it's dulled a bit. Because obviously that's my mental health and I'm not finding the joy in those things that I used to Now obviously I can see that because I've gone through it before. I know it, and I'm making changes now. And you know, this morning was one of the best mornings I've felt, and all of a sudden, I could feel those little neuro bloody pathways in my mind going, oh, Brent, you know what you should do? Do this? Do that, do that? You know. I could see on Instagram there was a couple of openings for some jobs, and I was like, yeah, I could do that, and you know, I'm applying for them. None of them have worked out, but that's better than a week before where I was like just scrolling on Instagram and just like now, I'm like, well, you know, I could do this, I could learn how to do this, This could be a really good you know, this could be my purpose, this could be my new thing. I'll bite into and have a crack ad And you know, I'd apply for it and didn't quite make it. But that's all right.
And I think what you've done, babe, is you've taken action, right, take an action. So it's like action creates traction. Like once we start to take action, some sort of traction usually happens. But you weren't taking any action. Let's be really honest here, you weren't taking any action. You had me nagging at you to get up and get moving and put your feelers out, and I was just trying to get you to take some sort of action. You continuously made excuse, but that's what you do when you're struggling, absolutely because it's the easiest way out.
Like I had an excuse for everything over all. Right, there's a slight opportunity for a taco food van, you know, in a very very very good place. Now, I love taco is a thing that lights me up normally. And then so we would talk about it and I'll be like, yeah, that'll be the purpose of me. That'll be it. But then not even like ten minutes later, I'm like, it won't even able to get this place. And if I don't get this place and it will not work, like I only live on the northern rivers, there's not that many people. Then I'll be tied to the food van and this and that.
Like you were being quite negative. Yeah, that's what your brain was.
That's where my mind was one hundred percent. I know, there's people out there listening now that are like, fuck that I feel that because you know, I've talked to people I know about this and then like, mate, I actually feel the same way you do. I was talking in particular one guy. He is the reason that I've only gone to the gym four times in the last three months, three months because he fucking recks me. He doesn't have an off switch and I have to have two weeks recovery.
We're not even joking, like, can you please stop going so hard at gym because every time you do this, you go once for the week and you can can not even walk for a week in.
Away honestly come home shivering like I've been in Antarctic naked, and he probably goes home to go for a run. I was talking to him and I'm like, I'm thinking, you know, this guy works out all the time, he's an animal, he's got his shit together, and he's like, you know what, I'm fucking floating too, man. I totally feel you. So from that moment I think I knew, okay, like I'm not the only person You're just drifting around, and a bit of a wake up call to myself, like you know, I'm in a very privileged position, but that doesn't mean you don't struggle.
But I think when you are in a privileged position sometimes you almost feel like your stuff isn't valid, so you don't want to talk about it, like you don't want to be, like like you said before, just as the problem, so you just keep to yourself. But that just makes it worse as well. Yeah, and I think so you know, we've talked about the things that I guess you weren't doing, and then the action steps that you have taken, Like, for example, you did speak to a friend and you did open up to him, and then you called Justin. You had to chat with Justin and you sort of found out how Justin was feeling about things. And I think, like I could see an instant shift in you. But that's because you finally took some action. And the crazy thing was, this is what you do preach to people, people call a mate, tell someone how you're feeling. But you have literally taken probably two months realistically, you started probably feeling a bit shitty. I reckon mid November, Yeah, when we're waiting for the baby to turn up, and we turned out a lot of work because we thought the baby was coming early. Turns out he came to the end of the month, so we were home for a lot longer. We had a home birth, which we couldn't really travel too far from our house for like the month before because we were conscious of having the baby, you know, at home, and we didn't want to be too far from home. So that I think all that kind of that started it. And then this is the thing. I love that we can just talk about this kind of stuff to each other. But it has not been fucking easy, Like talking to you has been hard lately, and You've been frustrated and I've been frustrated.
Me in Alpha's okay, And here comes the cream on top. Whoever said terrible terrible too?
Oh my god, they've got.
Nothing understand fer five F five that, Oh my god, the little testostery and kick that he's just gotten and he arcs up to everything. Now. I know he's an amazing kid, and I love him dearly, but oh my god, he's pushing the buttons.
You love him dearly, But you said to me recently, Sean, I love him, I just honestly don't really like him at the moment. And I was like, whoa, And that's like you've never said it that before.
So I'm frustrated at him, and then you're frustrating me because I'm just frustrated in general. And then you're saying, like, baby, you need to get up and do something other and I'm like, you know, it's just like I can see how quickly a family can just be like start to separate, you know, and if there's no one in that family that is aware and can be like, hang on a minute, guys, this isn't personal attacks. This is just that, you know, there's a few things that aren't working proper here. You're probably not feeling the best. I'm not feeling the best. We need to make some changes here to keep going, which luckily enough we both are and you know, so yeah, back on the bandwagon. I'm feeling really good. Got back in here. Juices are flowing and that, babe.
That's what I was going to say before you said I had the best morning this morning, and that's because you knew you were coming here today. You had purpose.
Well, I went for a run again, I did everything that you know. I went on the beach, had to meditate. I looked around. I could see that like, I live in the most amazing place. You know, my problems are my problems, but there are only problems I can get solved. And then you know I can fix those problems. You know, none of us unwell and I can't fix it. I can fix these problems. You know, I'm feeling good again, and I just thought this episode would be really good, you know, for anyone out there who is kind of lost, struggling. You know what pisses me off at the moment. Not at the moment, I'm good now, but before when I wasn't one hundred percent these fuckers running, so many.
People running, everyone.
Running, It was like, yeah, I got my new Nike shirt on. Baby, I'm feeling good. I'm looking at them. I'm driving and I'm like, fuck, why is there so many people running?
And isn't that interesting? No, because if you were in a different place mentally, you would be cheering those people on. You're feeling shit, You're like, fucking.
Isn't it powerful?
But here's a thing. We've both had a really really rough couple months. And we also need to preface this by saying we have a new baby, right, but our problems, I guess have been definitely with Alfhi. Alfie is obsessed with this baby, but he has definitely taken the transition from having just one kid to two differently to how we thought. And then dealing with you not feeling like that you don't have your purpose at the moment, and then I'm postpartum. So I think if you're listening to this and you're like, oh, fuck, this is our family, like, you're not alone, I honestly think that where one of millions of families that would feel like this. By this time every single year, I would have had my word for the year, and I would have had journal entries full of what my goals were. I have nothing right now. I literally have blank pieces of paper, which is so unusual for me. I just haven't been out of mentally find the space to actually sit down and put this stuff together. And also I don't even know what it looks like this year. So for you and I, we usually have a grip on these things, and right now that couldn't be further from the truth. We're both kind of just floating and trying to figure things out. So yeah, I thought it was important that we came on and say, actually, you know, in real time talked about what's going on as opposed to being like, oh, yeah, three months ago we're going through really hard time, Like no, this is the hard time right now. Like realistically, it's been a very hard couple of months. And the thing with us is we're not very good at probably asking for help or putting our shit on other people. I think we're very good at like listening and being the friends that everyone comes to if they've got stuff, which we love, Like I love being that person for friends and family. And I think because we are pretty we've always been very strong, and especially in our marriage, we've been so solid in our marriage, people almost like assume that, like we don't have stuff, so we don't talk about it, and so then we just kind of deal with it with each other. But then it's, yeah, it's kind of nice to just, i don't know, talk about it and let it all out and vocalize things.
So I'm here talking about struggling in that, and I know that there's people out there who are struggling to and you know, might not even have a way out, and you know, might not have something that they can get. They've got to just knuckle down and you know, to talk to I'm thinking of you, I feel you, and you know, you just got to keep pushing until you can get sort of you know where you've got to be.
And I think the biggest thing is to look after yourself but also take action. Like that is it, babe, Because when you weren't taking action, nothing was changing. If you're not changing it, you're choosing it.
If you're not changing it, you choose choosing it.
So it's like, if you're not changing the way you feel about something, you're choosing to feel that way. That is a choice, right, Like if you're not changing the fact that you know you feel like shit every day when you wake up and you're not going for a run, or you're choosing to not go around and you're choosing you feel like crap, something on those lines, I probably would did it.
But yeah, for sure.
And I think this whole podcast episode, if we can just wrap it up right now and just kind of give you the life lesson, I guess that we've learned recently out of it. It's just you have to take action. And it can be very small, it can be a big action. It can be you know, talking to a friend, it can be googling what to do if I feel X, Y and Z. It could be calling lifeline, it could be reading a book, doing something makes you feel good, whatever. Just take action. That's the most important thing because it creates traction.
Big action and one step at a time. I can promise you in you know, a couple of months time, if you've done that every single day consistently, you will be feeling so much better. Yeah, it's so easy, but it's so hard. And I know how hard it is to.
To know what you've got to do to feel better but not be able to do it.
And last night I'm like, yeah, babe, five am, five am club, get the alarm. I'm going for a run along the beach. Alarm goes off. Am, I are you fucking kidding? I feel like I just went to sleep and you know what, I got up and went for the run and when I got back from the run, I was alive. So you're talking like nothing, And now consistently tomorrow morning, we're here in Brisbane. The drugs are here because I'm going again because I know that it's going to get easy at the run today. I can tell you right now, if you're on the beach at five am, you would have seen a.
Sight sorry for what you had to winness.
Yeah, there was thumping on the heavy breathing, so those people trying to meditate on the beach because I was comming in hot but yeah, I know it gets easier and.
Literally just putting one foot in front of the other so you can do so. If you're having a hard time moment, we see you, we feel you. If you ever need us, you know where in boxes DMUs. Just take your time and just ease the pressure.
Beautiful