Bachelor Happy HourToday on “Golden Hour,” Kathy and Susan are getting real with Bachelor Nation legend Trista Sutter! Trista is here to talk about all things aging, kids, marriage, and more with our Golden ladies.
Trista opens up about why she has been so vocal about talking about menopause, as well as how she and Ryan would react if one of their kids wanted to go on the show. Plus, Trista reveals the big secret behind what Ryan said to her at the Golden Wedding! Tune in now to hear all this and more and be sure to follow so you never miss an episode.
Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours, Golden Hour.
Here we are again.
Thank you so much for joining us, and we are so excited to be here, right Kathy, Oh, we.
Are so excited.
And if you have not done it yet, I don't know where you've been or what you're doing, but now's the time to follow our podcast because you don't want to miss even one episode. All you have to do is search for Bachelor Happy Hour in the podcast app and hit the follow button. And today we have a very special guest our og bachelorette Trista sutter Hi. Trista, welcome to the podcast. Thanks so much for being here, Thanks for having me so we are so excited to have you, not only you are the most senior and lovely of all the bachelorettes.
Well, first of all, I have to address the fact that you called me the most senior. I don't know if that's true.
The most seen or it was not age just like she was one of the first chat No, no.
No, can we redo that?
No?
I love it. I think it's hysterical.
I would say yes, I would say I am definitely when you when you talk about successful relationships, at least, maybe that's where I come in as the most senior, and I have been called the fairy godmother.
So you kind of are.
I don't know if that's because I'm always older than everybody who's in the room related to Bachelor Nation.
But anymore, we got that the same when I first started watching The Bachelor, you stand out like I loved watching your season.
I loved watching your love story. And of course back then I didn't know you. So you know, to have gotten to know you a little bit and and meet your husband and talk about your family and your kids, and then seeing you at the wedding, I don't.
Know, it's just like a close circle for me. I just yeah, I love that.
Thank you.
I remember you coming into the mansion while we were doing the Golden and it was like, so.
Leslie was all over you.
We knew everything about she had your stats down.
Yeah, that was super fun. I was the man that was That was so much fun. I mean, the mansion wasn't where I filmed the show, but I've been there a couple of times. It's always fun to see it, and then of course to meet all of you.
And did we look like deer in the headlights? Trista do we look like the headlights.
Do you guys look super comfortable and you know, like you were having the time of your lives. So it was great to see in person. I loved that time. I wish they had showed more of our conversation just because it was a really good conversation, wasn't you know? But pickleball was super fun afterwards.
And then I do have a question.
I have a question going back to the wedding. I know on the TV when they show this, your husband is whispering something in your ear during the ceremony.
Could you tell us what he was saying?
Yeah, that's that's a good story. So after the wedding, I'll kind of preface all of this. So after the wedding, I am on Instagram and someone I think sent me a link or something like that to maybe a reddit.
A reddit or addit.
Someone had commented on something and they said something about Ryan and it was definitely derogatory, like they were talking negatively about my husband and I am I am a mama bear, a wife, So I kind of pounced into action and looked into it. And what he was saying was he turned over or he whispered in my ear? After gosh, I'm having to remember what this was. After Gary said I am the luckiest man on earth or on the planet or something like that, Ryan turned to me and he said the second luckiest.
Oh my god, I knew it was special. Yes, all your parts out there taping to your life.
Take that expression.
That is so sweet. But I want to ask you, Trista, you because you are one of the first, and you know you were dating and now you have, how many children do you have?
What are their rageous?
We met them Max, Max and Blakesley. Max is sixteen and Blakesley is turning fifteen tomorrow.
How over they Okay, so sixteen and fifteen.
I so obviously life and we'll get into that a little bit later on the raging hormones.
Yeah.
So my question is what now that you're you're happily married, you're raised, you're raising a family. What what dating advice? Because there's so many younger ladies, you know, going through this process, what is one piece of dating advice you would have given or would give to your younger self?
What would you tell yourself?
That's a good question and it actually it's a question I'd love to like share with my daughter after this, because I really truly wished I could go Now. You know, it's funny because I don't wish I could go back, because I am where I am, because it's all the things that happened to me, right exactly. So I wouldn't change anything in that respect. But I wish I would have known to believe more in me and invest more in me and not just give in to a guy because he was a guy that I wanted to date, you know, like.
Actually yourself, be true to yourself, yeah.
Be true, well, be true to myself, and and never don't really don't settle, you know. I feel like I just wanted to date the boys that I was dating because it was fun, they were cute, you know whatever.
I could go to dances with them or whatever.
And and I feel like I was just kind of settling into a relationship because that's what I thought I needed.
But it's okay to be alone.
It's okay to like cultivate your personality and your self worth before you are in a relationship.
You know this, Actually that question was our topic of the day, Susan. I like to pick a topic to talk about every day, but this particular question we talked about.
It should be like the topic of the lifetime.
Because all people face this, whether you're a woman or a man, we all face this issue, and it's it's just a resounding unanimous thing that we wish that we didn't settle.
We wish about having confidence in yourself too, and I think a lot of that comes with maturity as you grow older. But you were quite young when you met him.
How old were you?
Been married for? How many years?
Now?
So what happened?
I was actually one of the older people of the cast.
I was.
I turned thirty on The Bachelorette. I was I think twenty eight when I did The Bachelor and turned thirty.
Like I celebrated my birthday.
People brought me like some of the guys brought me gifts, which was kind of fun.
Did you your birthday suit?
Did you have a cupcake where you got to lick the icing off? I know our minds the same place.
Well, you probably don't remember this or and you probably wouldn't have been paying attention. But when my show came out, it was actually really controversial and I got called every name in the book, like, Oh, she's gonna slut and she's going to be a hoe and you know, because she's one girl and twenty five guys, they were.
Just jealous, Trista. They were just jealousy, right.
So I think because of that, I really held back in terms of like physicality. Like there was one guy named Jamie Blythe who asked me if he could have a kiss one night, and I was like, maybe just on the cheek. Like I literally told him maybe on the cheek. I was not like that, everyone kisses the first.
Night, but.
It's crazy.
So anyway, I feel like I was just definitely very reserved in terms of that because I was very aware of the public perception, you know, and also my family was watching and all of that. But so I was I was thirty, I turned thirty on the show. We got married when I was thirty one, and we've been married for twenty years. I know.
So what's the secret of staying so happy and in love? Share it?
Oh?
Oh gosh, I wish I knew.
No, it just works.
It could be a little bit.
Yeah, I think there's definitely luck.
You know, I'm a religious person, and I feel like there's a plan for me and him, and I mean that's the only way I can really describe it is. He was never meant to be on that show. He is not the kind of person that you would think would be on the show. Is very introverted and you know, not social, doesn't like cameras, like none of the media stuff, hates it, and so the fact that he was on the show, I just feel like it was.
God, it was meant to be.
Yeah it is, yeah right, yeah.
So so you you know, you've been happily married, you're raising these kids. But Susan and I love that you've been so open about going through menopausea or joining our club. Why, honestly, in a society where you know, we're have been taught not to talk about those things, why has it been so important for you to share this journey?
Because I feel like I have a voice, and it's something that I know all of us are. You know, all women are going to go through if you get to be our ages luckily, you know. So I don't want people to feel alone because it is not something that people talk about.
And if I can talk.
About it more and lessen the stigma of all that we go through, why not. You know, I'm not embarrassed by it. It's something that all of us go through and I would love to be able to vent to people and be like, oh, can you believe we have to deal with this, that and the other thing, you know, like.
The hot glasses for ten years.
My biggest gripe about menopause is this inner tube around my center, Like, I don't know where that comes from.
I can tell you spaghetti, No.
Not even in my starved six days a week, it would still be the menopause changes your body.
You're so right and yours like you can't. You can't create the muscle that you used to be able to no matter how hard you work out.
I mean, I know.
People who do, like are really muscular, but I feel like a big part of that is jeans. You know, you've got the genetics for it. The worst part about it for me is I cannot sleep.
That's amazing, Listen. I will tell you that doesn't get better for me. Susan I talk about a lot because she's always hot.
I'm always cold.
I did not go I went through menopause, but I didn't have any these things. I have hot flashes. I mean honestly, I slept really well. Sleep change for me when my husband passed away that's when that's when it became difficult for me. But I understand all these issues and we're all in it, but they don't necessarily go away.
There's also bioidentical hormones and that's what I'm on. And it helps you think a little clearer, sleep a lot better. The night sweats aren't there, and it brings you to your libido jee which I think really dies and you dry up, you know, after menopause. It's hard in a relationship, like to keep your marriage going, you got to keep it spicy.
I mean, you have the same partner for all these years.
You want to make it good.
That's I was going to ask you.
To shame my friend.
Hey, Craig, it's better than the alternative.
This is true. So what is the most surprising part for you about getting older? Because you know we've touched on it, love, romance, self love. What do you do for yourself? How how are things changed for you as you get older?
Oh?
I think you know a lot.
I am realizing the more the older I get and the closer my kids are to leaving the house, that my identity has been really settled in them and my family, and and I'm really worried about who I am and what I'm going to do after they're gone.
You have time practicing, Trista. I think it's for me anyway. It's it's a real opportunity for you and Ryan to sort of rediscover who you are. And there's going to be a freedom. Yes, it's let me tell you, when my last child went off to college, I'm not kidding. I sat, couldn't get it out of bed for two days and cried.
It's real.
I'm gonna be comotos.
It's a whole different. But reinvent you, redo your I celebrate you and your accomplishments, and just do you. Yeah, and enter the best chapter. But there always needs you.
Trust me.
They're always going to need you.
They're always trust me.
My youngest child is thirty, she's turning thirty seven, and trust me, she still needs me. She just had her first baby. Your kids never leave. They're always going to want you. It just it just looks a little different as they as they get older.
Yeah, totally.
So I have a question for you.
If some fans called you and told you you one of your kids to go on the Bachelor or the Bachelorette one day, would you support them, would you.
You know, I've been ask this question in the past a lot, and uh, it's always the same. I would be such a freaking hypocrite if I didn't.
Like I know, right, How could you not say.
Within reason I feel like I unless it's dangerous or you know, I feel like it's going to ruin their life for some reason, then I'm going to support whatever they choose to do.
Right, And they watch your show and you guys now.
And honestly, I don't know that they will. There's no like reason why. It's just I don't think you know.
They have any The thing about kids, Trista, they're like butterflies. You know, you you you you have them cupped in your hand for so many years, and then when they get to be a certain age, you have to open in your hand and let them fly.
But but they'll come back. They will come back. They will, they will.
Is there anything that you would say to your kids getting ready to go out into the dating world?
Any?
Yeah? Actually, so my son met his girlfriend on the first day of school this year and they've been dating ever since. I think they celebrated a six month anniversary.
Thank you, and it's really sweet.
Actually, they they have been learning all about communication. I'm actually really proud of them. They talk through difficulties, you know, like they don't walk away. They learn how to be thoughtful and like write each other notes or make each other like handmade gifts or or you know, doing things that maybe aren't your first choice of activity, you know, putting each other first. And so I think, actually Max is doing a really great job of dating on his own. I feel like I give him advice every so often, and that is you know, like at one point in time, one of his friends, you know, said something about his girlfriend like maybe she shouldn't be doing that or whatever. I don't know, I can't remember what it was, and I was like, you know what, definitely listen to your friends, right they hopefully they have your best interest at heart. But take that with a grain of salt, because you know your relationship better than anyone else. So you do you when you're happy with your girlfriend or happy with your boyfriend and things are going great, then you know what, take things that people say in one ear and out the other and just do you.
Where do you think that communication skill came from? That he watched you? Are you open community communicator? Oh yeah, you so is.
That how you kept It's got to be how you've kept them round. They've got to be watching how you. I mean, I'm guessing they have to be watching how you and Ryan, because you know, kids model what they see now what we tell them. I've learned that one children.
It is funny.
That's funny because my son just gave his girlfriend a gift and it was like these notes that he wrote for.
Her, and he's homantic, he is.
I was talking to a friend and told her about it and she said, oh, he's like a little mini Ryan, because you know, my Ryan used to write me notes on our poems on the Bachelorette. And then I told Ryan and Ryan was like, actually, no, he's like you. So every morning that Ryan goes to work, I write him a little note like this one's love it Morgan like in German. So I'll do this little little notes. And actually they were like no, Oryan's said no, I think that he learned it from all your cute little notes that you write me every morning.
So yes, you are proving you are proving the point.
You are proving the point that kids do what they see, not what we tell them. Okay, so we are a few years older.
Than you, just not many, not many at all.
But do you have any questions for us? You have such a great marriage. We could probably take a lesson out of your book since we're both single and looking and not surviving this very well.
But now, how long were both of you married?
I was married just short of forty six years, so twenty plus years.
Yeah, I was married at twenty quite.
A long time.
Yeah, and learned a lot about my question, that's that's amazing.
My question is I've heard recently, like a couple of people, I think someone oh like Tory Tory and just got divorced after eighteen years. And then I heard someone else and a couple of my friends who've had long marriages, how do you keep.
Especially when the kids move away?
Like, what is your best advice for staying connected through through those years and for you know, decades to come hopefully.
For me, it's not to hold things in.
Yeah, that I'm not liking, Like that was my mistake in my marriage, Like I ended up resenting because I didn't deal with it and communicate properly. Not that I knew whether or not it would change whatever was happening, but that was a big part of me.
Yeah, I think for me, Trista, I when my kids left, you know, how do we keep our marriage going? We took ballroom dancing. Believe it or not, we took ballroom dancing lessons. We got a two man kayak and we started kayaking on the lake in Austin. My husband took up cooking in a very serious way. So we sort of started new things. We also both did things on our own. I think if the mistake I made in my marriage, I didn't compromise enough. You know, I talked Susan, I talk all the time the h well that's what I you know, we talk about compromise and communication. I was a great communicator, but I was not a great compromiser, and so you know that that that made for issues. I think anyone who thinks people always say to you know, you were married forty six years, it must have been, you know, a walk in the park.
No.
Never, No marriage is a walk in the park. It just takes a lot of a love and devotion, commitment to working things out. And you know that's that's my recipe for a good marriage.
You guys asked what my what my uh advice?
Was, and I don't think I even answered it, but I think one of those ones, to kind of add on to what you're saying from my perspective, is forgiveness. And I've always said this, And it's not like the big lagrant, you know, problems that might happen in some relationships, because sometimes you just can't get over those. It's the little, everyday like things like you know, you say something when you're frustrated, or you're going through menopause, or you know, like you're going through line disease, which Ryan has, and I think he gets frustrated, you know, when he's not feeling well, and so I think those little wait.
Can be back for a minute. He has a line of disease from a tick from a tick.
Yeah assume assuming so, yeah, I think he got it years and years and years ago. We fought for a long time to figure out what was going on. I think it took us two years. And wow, he's going through treatment and he's probably eighty percent better.
But good good, So that could be.
But forgiveness, you know, just the little tiny things, the little moments where you say something snarky or whatever, or did it really.
Matter that Ryan left his socks on the ground. It's not what they do or we do. It's the delivery sometimes that really gets your Yeah.
Yeah wow.
All right, Well, well with all that being said, can we have some game time with Trisa?
Yeah?
I love this is about a relationship.
Would you rather Okay, okay, Kathy, you want to read the first one?
Okay, Trista, would you rather be surprised with flowers or have Ryan make you a home cooked meal?
Well, I don't know if I can answer this, because he makes me meals all the time.
Ah.
No, wonder you're keeping him.
He's my husband, did all the cooking to Trista, we were lucky, We are lucky.
I would much rather Actually he did this the other day. It was valent on Valentine's Day. I was like, you know, it's just it's Valentine's Day. Like, I'd much rather get flowers out of nowhere. And he brought me flowers like two weeks ago.
Yeah.
I like that better too. And you save a whole lot of money. Yeah right, Valentine.
Let me let me just tell you, flowers go crazy. They upped the price. Valentine's Day weddings and funerals stay away from those three.
Okay, let your partner choose every movie you watched together, or pick every restaurant.
Would you rather him do all those things?
No?
Would you rather the restaurants?
Yeah, he's he's either going to pick all the movies or he's going to pick every restaurant.
Which would you me the restaurants?
Because I'm very particular about my movies. He gets so frustrated because We'll be sitting on the couch and I'm like going through all the movies, like click, do the trailer.
Okay, next one, let's watch another.
Forty five minutes later, we still don't have a movie.
Ryan, say, Tristan, we just watched a movie. We watched eighteen of them.
But with that all being said, I like a man that doesn't say, well, whatever you want to do, whatever you want to, where do you want to go once in a while, pick something surprise us. Hey, babe, By the way, we have reservations for eight fifteen on Saturday night at We'll be like, wow.
So I thought you were going to be I thought she was going to be. Logically here like exactly what you just said, trist To. When you're picking out a movie, you know it's and you're stuck with it, like three hours.
I hate this movie.
You're stuck, right, But at a restaurant, you can have sushi, you can have hamburger.
I mean there's always something you can eat.
Right, Yeah, exactly, watant. The restaurant usually falls asleep during movies, so yeah, that happens.
Yeah.
I'd rather pick the movies so that I can actually be interested in whatever we're watching and I can find something on the menu.
All right, Tristan, I'm going to give you one now that's gonna slay you. Would you rather walk in on your kids having sex or have them walk in on you? Oh my gosh, come on, you gotta you gotta be in conversation.
Do you have to choose one?
I don't think I can.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I mean I was definitely Chris. I can't. I can't. I can't even think about it.
I told you to get I know, if I had to, I would rather walk in on them than me.
I don't know, I don't.
I can't listen to that, Trista. I'm gonna make you feel better. I'm gonna make you feel better. Your kids are sixteen and almost fifteen. Happy birthday, almost right, that's not for a few years yet, hopefully before you.
Have to well, so I hope.
So, I mean I could have asked her what they're going to name their kids. I mean, it was just, you know, I don't know that.
I mean, my daughter probably has a plan for what she wants to name kids in the future. But no, she doesn't have a boyfriend yet, so all good.
It's give her time.
Give her time.
Okay, So how about spend a romantic day at the spa or take an adventurous road trip?
Oh?
I love both, me too.
So if it was like something I was doing with Ryan, then definitely an adventurous road trip. If it was like a me day or a girlfriend day, then the day at the spot.
It's a romantic day at the spa. So I don't think we're taking your girlfriends.
Just adventurous road trip. We love road tripping. We actually used to have an airstream and have fun camping. Yes, for sure, So any kind of road trip. It's like, some of my favorite favorite family memories were us camping, you know, all over but at Tristic.
Can I just say, Susan and I we were talking about this earlier too. Your kids are not going to remember the things they're going to remember, those epic trips. They're going to say, remember when you know, my kids, we took a road trip actually to Colorado, where you live, and we took the kids on a bike trip and we my kids still remember to this day because we bike down this really steep hill and I'm a mama bear like you, and I'm screaming, these young.
Kids aren't going to be able to get back up the hill.
When we got to the bottom the hill, I was fit to be tied outer my husband and said, what.
Were you thinking? How are we going to get these kids back up the hill?
My husband said, what are you talking about, Kathy, It's all it's all downhill. He said, it's all downhill. And I looked behind me my kids and we all started laughing. To this day, my kids remember that that adventurous road trips are good.
Yeah, they're good.
Would you rather read your partners mine or have them be able to read yours?
Last question?
Mine for sure, because he can't figure him out.
He doesn't tell everything.
You know he I mean, like I said, he's very introverted and you know, doesn't always verbally express himself.
So one hundred percent.
I think I would much rather read his mind because I feel like I'm pretty good at expressing myself.
So I know, I've met Ryan a few times and he is introverted, and my husband's very introverted. Is that and you're you're much more outgoing? Is that difficult for you in your marriage?
No?
I feel like you know, they always say opposite a tract.
And introverts like extroverts.
Yes, yeah, I feel like it's No, it's it's not difficult, except for like if we're at a function, you know, and he feels like he's being like pressured in a way to talk when he just doesn't have the energy for it. But on the flip side of that, I think we balance each other out. So in those moments when he's not up for that kind of thing, like a social.
A social.
Event, I can do most of the talking. Same with like media, when you when you hear us or see us doing interviews, mostly I'm talking, and not because I'm any better at it. He is way better at speaking and being eloquent and all of that, but he just it's not his thing, you know.
Yeah, I could see that.
Yeah.
I was just curious because that was in my marriage. My husband actually relied on me at cocktail parties because it was miserable for him, and I wondered if Ryan felt the same.
But off the subject real quick. I don't remember people's names. Sometimes I'll never forget your face. And when my husband and I, we would go back to each other, who is that again?
I know?
I know? Or what's her name? Do you guys have ones better than the other in your family?
Oh? He's way better than me.
Oh oh really, who are we? Who are we?
Trista?
She's thinking before when my husband I would go to contail parties, literally on the way over. If it was his office, he would say, Kathy, it's this person, this person, and then and then if it was a group of my friends, he would say, now tell.
Me who they all were? Who goes with?
Who?
You know?
He was very I mean, that's just that's just why it's so fun.
Real quick, before we go, just in a couple words. The finale at Joey season.
All right, so good.
I have watched every single season. Okay, actually maybe not one, and I won't mention which one of it?
Okay, we will not.
I it's not yours, but I watched. I have watched every season, and this is one of my all time favorites.
I think it's such.
I just adore him.
I think that he is so genuine and so kind and so vulnerable and and you could tell that he really truly like Cared. He reminds me a lot of Ryan, and I had the best time with him at the wedding, you know, whenever we talked. But he is just he is, and he and Kelsey are just magic perfect, they are magic.
I'm so happy I don't get married they are.
What do you think, do you think they'll get married?
I do one hundred I do. I think that they will get married. I and then the whole Daisy Kelsey thing, like oh my love with dai Zy and how she handled herself at the end and handled that situation and was like lifting Kelsey up talking about her mom before she went out, and.
It was beautiful, absolutely beautiful.
And the women.
You know, the criticism occasionally about Bachelor is there's just too much feuding among the women.
You know.
I loved seeing women support women. I loved it. It's such a great lesson. It's something I would want my young daughter to watch, just even that final episode, this is how you do it.
We actually my daughter and I watched it together, so she as you know, my daughter was there at the wedding with me and Max, and we talked to Joey for quite a bit, quite quite a while.
He had some great advice for her.
I don't ask me who it is because horrible memory, but she is super invested in and so she was like, Mom, can we finally like watch The Bachelor together? So we made it a point we watched every Monday or Tuesday or whenever we had time, and it was total bonding and honestly, you're right. I think it was such a great example.
Yea of what that.
Is a great place to leave this, Trista, I cannot tell you how much we've enjoyed having you visit with us today. Thank you so much, and this does it for this episode of Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thank you really, Tristraph for joining us.
We really love chatting with you and we'd like to do it more often.
Thank all of you.
Thank you, and thank all of you for joining us again, and be sure to follow Bachelor Happy Hour as we have new episodes coming out every single week that you won't want to miss and.
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Take care,
