Jane Borochoff: Special Olympics for Jobs (Pt 1)

Published Jan 16, 2024, 5:01 AM

After marrying her husband whose son Bradley has an intellectual & developmental disability (IDD), Jane heroically gave up her own job to try to help train him for one. In our broken culture where 66% of adults like Bradley are not employed, Jane’s nonprofit called The H.E.A.R.T. Program has broken the mold and helped more than 1,000 adults with IDDs operate 90 vending machines, concession stands at Rockets and Texans games, and achieve their full potential. 

Because of special Olympics. I think a lot of people now do just accept, well, of course they can play sports, because we've all heard of special Olympics. Yeah, so you just accept they can do that. Well, what if we spent the same amount of time and energy and organization in years teaching them other things, you know, teaching them a skill, teaching them a vocation, teaching them how to be independent? Could they learn those things too? Right? Why isn't there a special Olympics of jobs?

Welcome to an army of normal folks. I'm Bill Courtney. I'm a normal guy. I'm a husband, a father, and entrepreneur, and I've been a football coach in inner City Memphis. And the last part it unintentionally led to an oscar for the film about our team. It's called Undefeated. Guys, I believe our country's problems will never be solved by a bunch of fancy people in nice suits using big words that nobody understands on and N or Fox, but rather an army of normal folks, us, just you and me deciding hey, I can help. That's what Jane Borkoff, the voice we just heard, has done. She created let's call it a special Olympics for jobs in Houston, Texas. Her nonprofit, The Heart Program, has provided job training and placement for hundreds of adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities. When too much of our culture believes that these kind of folks can't provide any value in the workplace, Jane disproves it. Heart and its trainees also operate over sixty vending machines and get this, one hundred and fifty concession events each year, including at every professional sports stadium in Houston. I can't wait for you to meet Jane right after these brief messages from our general sponsors Shane Borkoff, How.

Are you doing great? How are you fine?

Houston? Right?

That's right.

It's hot down there bunch times.

Yes, I prefer it hot. I love I love warm weather.

Where are you from?

I was born in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

So you're used to sweltering, miserable heat exactly. I mean you're an LSU fan.

You know, my mom went to LSU for her undergrad but she finished at Texas A and M, and then she did her PhD at University of Texas Medical Brand.

So your mom's really DWN.

No, not at all, I mean amazing.

Yeah, So you grew up in Baton Rouge.

I lived there for a couple of years and then we moved to Texas. On my third birthday, which I always tell my parents was the best birthday present I ever got is to become a tex We moved to Brenham, Texas. Where's that It's about halfway between Houston and Austin. It's off a highway to ninety.

Is that kind of near like Brian Texas or College Station? I guess is kind of there right.

Maybe a thirty forty five minute drive. So that's why my mom ended up finishing at Texas A and M because it's in College Station. We were living in Brenham at the time already, so it's beautiful. Got two younger brothers, and when you grow up in Brenham, there's a couple of things you know. One is you eat ice cream every single day on your school lunch tray because Bluebelt ice Cream, right is that where one? It's headquartered in Brenham, Texas, So you're going to get that. Oh yeah, they sponsor all the sports and they're just a great community part So.

Everybody run around Bros. Fat No, not at all, yeah, they're all fat for meeting all the ice cream.

No one listening to this is going to understand that, not.

Know, I'm the fat. I ate ice cream for everybody listening. I did. Jane, It's not that, but she probably was a fat child, you know, Alex, I think we've ruined any chance of Bluebell being a sponsor for show. At this point, I.

Didn't know, Honest to god, I didn't know that kids all over the country didn't eat ice cream every day at their school. I just thought that's how wonderful it was to grow up and have a childhood in Brenna.

So in Houston you meet a guy.

That's right, I met my husband and his name is His name is Bob.

Bob the husband. Yes, tell us about how you met Bob.

So we were introduced by a mutual friend. We were both active in, you know, volunteering in the community and politics.

And so did you just say politics, I did, what kind of politics were involved in? So not we don't want to get in to the political discussion per se, but I'd love to know what you were doing in politics.

So this, at this time in my life, I had just moved to Houston. I'd been there maybe a year or two, and I had gotten connected with a friend who was involved in raising money for city council races and the mayor's race cool and so I would help her out, you know, stuffing envelopes and we'd watch TV and she'd make lasagna. So then i'd help her out of the events, you know, greeting people and handing out name tags and those kinds of things. My husband at the time was not necessarily volunteering, but he was writing the checks. Your to be husband exactly. He was writing the checks. And so here we both found ourselves at one of these events for a city council race in Houston, Texas, and my friend knew Bob really well and said to me, you know, this is a really great guy, and I think you'd really like him. I don't think she realized how much we were going to like each other, but she had an inkling that we would have some things in common, and so she made the introduction. And then we kept seeing each other. You know, we kept running into each other different things, kind of like once you meet someone, you.

Know.

I think we had probably he's not a stalker. I think we'd probably been in some of the same events before, but we didn't know each other, and so I think it's one of those things once you know each.

Other, you see. It's good that on this podcast we have established that Bob is Oh no, he's not a stock, Bob's not a stalker it. But I do I do have a question. We're going to have to have a production check on this because I'm not sure if it was Plato a Socrates, but he's one of my favorite quotes is you can finish it if you've heard it. The penalty for not involving yourself in politics is you end up being governed by your inferiors. And I don't know if it was Plato or Soccerty, but I've said that before without spilling the means of Plato. Soccerty's people guess Roosevelt, or they guess you know, JFK or even George Washington. But I think it's interesting that going back literally two thousand years, some of the same divisions that plagued humanity two thousand years ago in the political spectrum still plague us today. And I just I think it's great that you're involved in politics because it's best that we don't get governed by our inferiors, and so I think that's cool. So you met Bob the stalker in political in political work, and he followed you around.

Okay, I can't say that's exactly how it happened. I guess that's my.

Version of it, but it's it's more fun to say. Because Bob's going to listen to this. I hope he has a sense of humor. Bob, I'm just getting so, y'all are going to these things. You keep bouncing into each other exactly.

And the more we got to know each other, the more we realized how much we had in common, not just you know, wanting to be involved in politics or the community, but also, you know, we both like music, we both like the same kind of movies and those kind of things, and so we really just hit it off.

Cool. And what does Bob? What did Bob do at the time.

So Bob is in the restaurant business.

Owning restaurants or managing them.

So he's done it all. He started out as a dishwasher when he was eleven years old. I think he may have told someone he was fourteen and got hired to work.

And take back everything. I sort of already loved Bob. He's a self made guy.

He is. I mean, he got promoted to you know, chopping meat and vegetables and then decided, you know, he was going to own restaurants. And he worked his way up from waiting tables to being a manager and he opened his first restaurant on a credit card when he was in his twenties.

That is a great story.

Yeah, he in a great American and.

Then made it and ended up owning restaurants. He still does, I guess, yes.

He's He's owned many different restaurants over his career.

That is really really really cool. Have you ever eaten this food all the time? It's wonderful.

It's really good. I do mean it. The recipes and the restaurants are terrific and kind.

What's the fair?

So he has a lot of restaurants that are tex mex So yeah, a lot of enchiladas and tacos and things like that. But he's had steakhouses and seafood buffets and all kinds of different concepts. He's a very creative person.

Yeah, really cool.

Yeah. I remember the first time he cooked for me. We were on a vacation and we rented a place. It was before Airbnb, and he goes to the grocery store and comes back and starts making you know, like gourmet food, right, like stuffed mushrooms and arted chokes and all this kind of stuff. And some of this food I'd never eaten in my life. Here's this man like cooking it for me right in front of me. It was just incredible.

Yeah, Well the Bob knew what he was doing, didn't he. So you eight is mushrooms and married him more or less? All right, So when was that in your life? How were you?

Right? So we all became a family. When I met Bob, I was probably twenty three guy, and by the time I was twenty four, we were all of family. And what I mean by that is he was a single.

Dad with three kids owning restaurants.

Yes, he was trying.

To run for I've been in the restaurant, but actually I put myself. I had a scholarship and many jobs. But one of the many jobs I had was I waited tables and i' bar attended and actually was an assistant manager of a couple of restaurants. So never owned one, but I know what the restaurant businesses and the hours are grueling. And they're always night and you always have to stay. If you close at ten, you're not home till midnight. How does a single dad do that? That's also that's a lot at work.

Yeah, he's one of the most hardest working people I've ever known, and he as much work in time as he puts into his businesses. He also puts that much effort into his family.

So Bob's a good man.

He's a wonderful man.

Bob is not a stalker. So I'm doing the math though. You're twenty three, twenty four and Bob's already got three kids.

Yeah, we're exactly twenty years apart in age.

Wow. Yeah, Bob is a stalker. So Bob was forty three ish and you're twenty four ish and you're marrying this man and taking on his children from I guess a divorce. Is that the deal?

Yep? Wow, yep, unreal, right, I become.

That's a lot for a twenty four year old girl, lady young, Right, it's what.

You are right looking back, it didn't I didn't have that perspective. It was just the most natural thing in the world in love. Here's your family, you love me, and you just move forward. But looking back, I wonder, you know how I did it back then? But we all became a family. The twins.

How old were the kids.

The twins were eleven years old when I met them. They were in fifth grade. I went to their fifth grade graduation.

Good.

Great, And Bradley was fourteen, he's the big brother, the oldest, and yeah, fourteen.

And eleven at twenty four and coming in being a stepmom. That was that. Truthfully, that had to have been a hell of an adjustment or at least a little difficult, wasn't it.

You know, I think that I'm very lucky that I met them at that age. I think if the twins had already been teenagers, they might have looked at me a little bit differently, but a lot. But because they were eleven years old, I mean they shook my hand. I was a boring adult to them right at that age, and so they accepted me in that role very young in the lives, and it just sort of continued and we've had a great relationship the whole time.

Well, and the truth is, if you really think about it, you graduated high school when you're sixteen and graduate college when you're twenty. You're not a typical twenty four year old. There's a lot of twenty four year olds that act like twenty one year olds. But you were probably maturity wise, far more advanced than a chronologically twenty three or twenty four year old, simply because you were two or three years I having a curve.

Anyway, if my husband were here, what he always says is that I was mature for my age and he was immature for his age, and we met in the middle.

So chronologically it's good, pat but probably intellectually you're right there.

Again, we were a good team.

That's a really cool story, all right. So the twins were.

Girls, one boy and one girl.

Oh got it. And then there's Bradley, who was the big brother, right, who is the part of the focus of our conversation today. Tell me what you tell me your first impression of the kids.

Well, my first impression, I just remember thinking they were very well mannered and very good looking. All three of these kids are just beautiful creatures. Yes, he is good. I went to their fifth grade graduation for the twins, and I remember just being very impressed with how they interacted with their friends, you know, even though they're twins and they're in the same classes, and they have the same teachers. They have their own kind of spheres, but then they also you could see when those intersected, and just the joy they had and bringing people over to meet me was really fun, very warm. And I have this early memory of Blair, our daughter, and we had taken the kids skating to a skating rink, roller skating rink, and I just remember her twirling around and you know, really showing all of her all of her stunts that she could do on her roller skates, and just being very impressed.

Till you fell in love.

I did. Yeah, so with the whole family.

Are you mom now?

Yes?

Where's Mom?

So she still lives in Houston. She was remarried before I ever met Bob, and unfortunately, sadly, her husband also just passed away during the pandemic.

Wow.

So she still sees the kids, you know, probably more now than she did when I first met the kids, now that she's older and she's alone.

But your family dynamic is your mom, right, got it? So that's the twins. Tell me about your first impressions of Bradley.

So I had never really been around anyone like Bradley.

And remember we haven't discussed Bradley, so I want our listener's first impressions to be yours.

It might be helpful if I tell a little bit of Bradley's story.

I wish you would so.

Bradley was born completely typical. He was a typically developing young boy. He could read words by his third birthday. He loved to garden, was asking lots of questions and running around.

He loved a garden.

He did.

That's funny. My third child, my oldest son. When he was six years old, for Christmas, all he wanted was a garden whissel. It's one of those things that you stick in the dirt and turn. I think like Ronco sold him on TV, and he asked everybody for one. He end up getting two.

Yeah. Bradley also liked to help clean the pool. Bob had a pool at that house and Bradley loved to help clean it. And then when the twins were born, they were born premature. When they came home from the hospital, Bradley was having a seizure. It was his first seizure he'd ever had.

How premature were the girls?

The twins? Well, remember I didn't know him. Back to girls, I'm sorry, boy, one's a girl. I want to say, six or eight weeks. And remember I didn't know them back then, but from what I recalled from hearing about it, oh, right there. And they were in the hospital for a long time. And so it was the day they came home from the hospital that Bradley was having his first seizure.

So you're telling me Bob was dealing with premature twins and having to deal with all of that. And then the day finally gets the twins home, now his oldest son has a seizure, which is bad, but not like overcasts for along exactly.

And so his first wife basically just went right back to the hospital with Bradley and Bob stayed with the twins. And what they didn't know was Bradley would stay in the hospital pretty much for the next five years.

Five years, yes, until.

He was eight years old, when they could finally get his seizures more or less under control. And that kind.

Of can I ask you questions, Sure, I'm going to share with you some things in a moment, But did they have to put them in a medically induce coma and things like that?

That's exactly what they had to do share.

When you hear that a three year old goes in the hospital and stays five years to income to te that is tragic, but share some of those details so people understand the depth of what this child went through.

Yeah. Sure, So his seizures became and his family, right, his seizures became uncontrollable, right, And and so the only way to control them was to put him in a medically induce coma and then they would bring him out of the coma and they would try a different regimen of you know, medicines that worked for some people to control seizures. And you know, it takes a long time for the medicines to really get in your system and to really understand if they're going to be effective. So they would try, you know, one course of you know, one of those medicines and then determine that it wasn't effective on Bradley and put him back in it.

The long time, right, the kids having seizures, right.

And it's just heartbreaking, you know, for both parents.

And as a parent, you sit there helpless while your child convulses. I mean, I know that's in your face, but that's what it is, right, It's terrific, right, And.

Meantime, Bob's taking care of newborn and trying to write big checks to the hospital. Right. And one of the things that happened during that time is that his insurance was canceled. And they didn't just cancel.

It for him, but because of the lae medical bills, and.

The hospital came to him one day and said, you know, it's two hundred and fifty thousand dollars or Bradley has to leave.

And they didn't cancel Bob's insurance. Imagine, they canceled his company's insurance, means he couldn't offer to his employees.

Correct, All his employees got canceled. His whole family got canceled. And that led him another story that.

Is a story and a show to itself off that is this should be illegal, right, Well.

It is now, it is now, but back then it wasn't. And you know, Bob, because of his political activism that we talked about, he had been active with his industry. He ended up taking this all the way to you know, the highest levels of the federal government, met with senators, he ended up getting Bradley reinstated. He wanted to sort of fix it for everyone, But he ended up getting Bradley reinstated.

But they came and said, you write a quarter of a million dollar check of Bradley goes home, right, And what does Bradley do at home? Sit there on the couch and convulse.

No, Bob wrote the check.

That's the point, right, But that's two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. He probably had a suck out of his business, right. I Mean a lot of folks think business people are rich and just have millions of dollars in cash around. You may have good nut worth on paper, but most don't have a lot of liquid cash. And so if you're going to have to write a tw hundred five thousand dollars check, you're leveraging up your company to do right.

Plus, he was spending a lot of time with Bradley and with the twins, and.

The restaurant's probably suffering, right, and all.

The employees can see this going on. It just created a very very very difficult time I think in his life and his first wife's life, right, And they became, you know, farther and farther apart as she was spending most of her time at the hospital because the hospital is not a hotel. You don't just put a kid there and you know, check on him the next day. Somebody in the family has to be there the whole time, around the clock. And so that was her, And here's Bob raising these babies and trying to run his company and write the checks. And so now you understand why Bob has such a strong bond with the twins and.

Why there's also so much unbelievable stress in that family dynamic. At that time, we'll be right back. One of there's a list of the hierarchy of stressors and psychologists use it. And if I'm not mistaken, each stressor has a point and if you score below a certain point level, you're considered like high high stress, and it's you know, the death of a child, the death of a spouse, the loss of a job, and it's the highest stressors all the way down to like losing a baseball game is one thousand, you know, and number one is And if you add up all the stressors somebody have and it has and the number is a low enough score, they're considered out stressed. But sick children, being split from your spouse, business struggles and financial troubles are all like in the top twenty. So I can only imagine what they're going through. And so eventually you said five years, So I guess at this child's eighth birthday they finally figured out what a medicine that worked.

There was an experimental medicine that at the time, my understanding, wasn't even approved by the FDA. They were able to try it. It was able to somewhat control his seizures. Bradley had suffered so much brain damage and other issues cerebral palsy from all the seizures, and he had to relearn how to walk, he had to relearn how to talk, he had to wear a helmet, but he could exit the hospital.

And so you met him at fourteen, which is six years after a five year I mean this Spoor kid didn't know anything about the hospital, and the twins didn't know anything but my brother in the hospital. I mean, it's almost like buoying the bubble kind of things.

They've only known Bradley. The twins know Bradley the same way I do, which is we only know this Bradley, so we don't have the grief that his dad.

Has from the first three years, right.

Of remembering your firstborn child and all the hopes and dreams that you have.

So now you have let it up to the day you first met Bradley. So I asked a question again, now that we filled in the backstory, what did you see and what was your impression the first day you met Bradley.

So, Bradley is really tall. And I remember seeing this probably six foot tall, fourteen year old boy right that was acting like a kindergarten kid, and he was drooling. It's a side effect of his medication.

And here his arms drawn.

His arms can extend. Over time, they're getting more and more drawn. And so that's something talking. But back then he was lanky. He was a lanky tall skinny helmet, no helmet, no helmet, no wheelchair, standing up tall, no walkers, no, he can he can move around. And I just I had never met anyone like him. And he has his dad's exact personality. You know, he's the friendliest guy. He's never met a stranger, you know, and just comes right up to you and just talks to you and wants to know all about you and wants to be your friend.

And had you ever been around a special needs person at any length before meeting Bradley, I had never had Okay, honest truth, you had to have paused a little thinking, Okay, how do I approach this?

Definitely, and in those early months of our relationship, you know, I would I would go over to Bob's house and spend time with him and the kids, and Bradley would still have seizures. I remember the first time I saw him have a seizure. I had ever seen him anything that frightening. And of course they're all acting like, oh, yeah, he has Grandma seizures, which are the ones that where you really really shake.

So does you have to put in a mouthpiece? What about his tongue and his teeth?

No, he doesn't have to wear a mouthpiece. His only last a few seconds, but then he's out for hours while his brain kind of right. It was impossible to do, you know, family outings, because Bradley could have a seizure and then he's going to be out, and at this point he's six feet tall. You can't just pick him up, you know.

So did you consider do I want to marry this?

You know, I never did. I always just knew this was part of this family. This was really important to Bob I mean, he is so involved in his kids' lives. It's just such a big part of who he is and his identity. And when we were first spending time together, he was telling me all about his kids and how proud he was. And you know, our first dates were going to watch Blair play soccer. You know, he'd come pick me up and then we'd drive out and watch Blair play soccer, or take them rollerblading or things like that.

You ever the first time you went out in public with Bradley, the very first time? Did you feel the stairs? Oh?

I still feel them? I remember the first time.

Yeah, the first time.

I remember the first time I took Bradley to a grocery store and it was just he and I and we're walking down the aisles together and we're having a great time and talking about what kind of cereal do you want and just laughing and joking. And I remember walking down an aisle and seeing people coming on the other side and watching them see us and walk away and go into a different aisle.

What did it make you feel like? Hold it? Honestly, the first time. I'm sure it made you feel defensive for Bradley, but it embarrassed you a little.

It was all the emotion. It was that it didn't embarrass you, Oh it was embarrassing. It was the anger, it was sadness. It was just all these emotions. And then I'm looking at Bradley and he is so unaware, thank God, that any of this has happened, and he doesn't perceive any type of slight. And it's just been a huge lesson for me being around Bradley of what's really important and what's not. And I really think that my journey with Bradley has made me a much better person.

So I was I get this right, because I'll be corrected on this if I don't get it right. I was twenty three when I went to pick up this girl that I was trying to get to go out with me. And when you're when you're trying to get a girl to go out with you, when you go back in my day, and my requirement for my girls, by the way, is you get out of your car and you go up to the door, you walk in, you shake your parents saying, you introduce yourself, and then you take a young lady out on a date, which I require of my girls. But I think is becoming a greater and greater lost art conversation for another time. But nobody was taking my kid out. That wouldn't come in and shake my hand with me in the eyes, and I would be Intimiday's I couldn't try to scare the hell out of them. But that's on other stories. But I went in, and when I went in, this middle aged woman who happened to be the girl I was asking out's mother, who was very attractive, and I thought, hmmm, well she's pretty at forty five or have her old she is, her daughter's going to be pretty good. Look at the middle aged, so you know, check that box. We got longevity. And the girl comes down the stairs and she's got brunette hair and beautiful eyes and a big bow in her hair and a really cute sweater on. It was football season, it was fall, and just took my breath away. She's beautiful and I married her. And as she was coming down the stairs, around the corner came this kid that was I think eight, and he had a brown, wiry hair that I mean best would to be described as almost an afro. And his name was Ben, and he walked up right to me and stuck his hand out and said my name Ben and shook his hand, and he was clearly special needs. He was not a child with downs, he was not an epileptic, he was not there's really no tag for what he was. And my first impression was wow, you know, look at this beautiful woman and this beautiful young lady in this beautiful house, and here's a special needs kid. And I never equated the humanity and reality of special needs and family until that very moment. Well took Lisa out and we dated, and while we dated, Ben became more and more part of my life.

And.

I'll never forget. We went to the first time ever took Ben out. I took Ben and Lisa to Poncho's, which is local Mexican place, not like Bob's text meacs.

I'm talking. This is the one with a flag.

Yeah, that's right, That's exactly right, because that's all I could afford at the time. They also had Mexican restaurants back then in Memphis, maybe in Texas, but they had a magician on weekends walk around and do a little magician things. Because this is a place that had like menus, that had crayons for the little kids, and all of that, and we're sitting there eating our our sauce and cheese, waiting on whatever you order. The magician came by and I thought, yeah, so I gave him a dollar to do a trick. I'm trying to press my girlfriend on how what a cool guy am with her little brother, and he like pulls a quarter out from behind Ben's ear, and Ben freaks out, throes the chips up there and bolts out the front door, and I'm chasing him through the through the because he didn't understand right the stairs, the reaction, the clown, the man behind the makeup, and his horrified reaction. The three Hispanic dudes playing the Hispanic music in the corner stopped playing music. When Ben hit that door, it swung open horror, and so the place got quiet and everybody looked. And then I finally rolled him up out of the drive, out of the parking lot, got him calmed down, explained to him it was just a trick, nothing to be afraid of, and got him to sit down. And the walk back to my table through the restaurant was like a walk of shame. I'll never forget it. It affected me and I'll be honest with you and all candor. I was embarrassed, Yeah, And I hate that about myself at that time of my life, because I didn't have the maturity to handle the embarrassment. Certainly I was sad for Ben, and certainly I was hurt for him, but I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed, like, you know, the people think I'm weird because I'm walking around with the special needs kid. And I'll never forget how mortified I was the next day when I woke up and thought, that's just wrong to be embarrassed and everybody's reaction to Ben because these special needs is sick and he's a human being with heart and emotions and wants and desires and experiences love and hurt and all of the things every human being has. And that I made a decision on that day that I would never be embarrassed of Ben and I would be as advocate forever because I planned on marrying his sister, and I knew that marry your sister, marry my brother, you marry a family. You don't just marry a person, right, And Ben was part of the package and been still very important in my life to this day. But another thing I learned through this epic thirty year journey that has been living in Ben's life is Gary and Peggy are Lisa's parents, Ben's parents, and they're in their early seventies now, and one of their biggest concerns is what happens if we outlive Ben. They are mortally fearful of that. And you know, Lisa and I are now and we have conservatorship and no matter what, Ben will be taken care of. Our children, who are now in their mid twenties. Understand it been if we precede Ben and death. They're the conservators and they're going to take care of Ben. And we're very fortunate that we have the means to take care of Ben. I have seen so many special needs walking the side walks is homeless. I have seen so many special needs people institutionalized. There are special needs people in prison. There are special needs people all over the place that were either cast out by their families or their primary caretaker. They outlived their primary caretaker and there was no functionality for them. And my experience has been over thirty years, has taught me the societal ill. When did you become aware of all these realities?

You know, I think for me, it's been just like you described, both instantaneous when you have something like that happened and you sort of realize it all at one time, but then also just gradually over time. The more and more that you live and love someone with special needs, the more you see how they're just completely excluded from society and.

They're also excluded from so much of life. And then despite all of that, somehow they put a smile on their face and find a way to be happy in life, only to be only to be almost demonized or looked down on a fairly large percentage of the public. And that breaks my heart. And I will tell you something else. You know, in the age of wokeness and political correctness, we hear about all kinds of words that we shouldn't use, and we're but it is a weekly basis that I hear some you know, if I do something goofy or like spill my coffee over the thing, someone says, oh, my gosh, you're such a retard, you know what, you know what, I'm offended by that. And if anybody listening uses that in their typical vocabulary, you need to understand that you are you're making fun of and demonizing people who literally have made no choices to have the disabilities they have. And you should erase that word from your vocabulary immediately because you're an apple.

I've had this conversation with some people. We call it the R word. You know, we don't say it.

I said it because I wanted to make sure people can rise. But it's the R word, just like the N word, just like the F word, just like all the other words.

And so many times people will say, you know, but Bradley wasn't around, you know, he didn't hear me say it.

Oh, so it's okay to you use these other words when the people you're talking about referring to aren't around. Is that okay?

It's not okay. But the other thing I try to share with people is I heard it. It hurts me. It hurts me more than it's ever gonna hurt Bradley. It hurts me, It hurts Bob, It hurts Blair, it hurts Brands, It hurts the people who care about Bradley, whether he hears it or not, whether whether you even know him. When you say that word, you don't know who's around you that's struggling with somebody in their family, or someone in their place of worship, or someone in their sphere or their school, that you're offending that person, and they may not tell you because there's still such a stigma around this disability. And the fact of the matter is anyone can be born with this disability. You could be rich, poor, you could be any ethnicity.

Right, and you're it really does not discriminate.

No, You're just born with some more challenges than the rest of us have.

By the way, I want to tell you something, like I said, Ben is not a kid with downs. Ben is not that Gary and Peggy also found out that Ben had a disability at three and a half four years old. Until then, look normal, act normal, walk normal, and got sick and they and if you look at his MRI to day, his frontal lobes looks like Swiss cheese and they think it was encephalitis. But he was completely normal. And so when you talk about the dreams and aspirations and goals that are then it's listen, it's always a tough challenge when you have a disabled child. And I'm not comparing anybody's, but in this particular case, and it sounds also like Bob's with Bradley is that it's one thing to deal with it in the womb or at birth. It's another thing to have plans and at three years old have everything change again, no comparisons, it's all.

It's all hard.

But what I'm telling you is I really identify with your story. I completely get it, and I get the fear of the long term care, both the expense and what happens if I'm not around and what do we do with this person? Because people think oftentimes of challenge kids as just that kids. But here a newsflash. They become thirty and forty.

And fifty and sixty.

And what happens then?

Right? I mean, advances in modern medicine are terrific. I remember when I would first take Bradley to get his eyes checked, right, he couldn't read. He would stumble around, and y' all thought, well, this is because of his disability. And we'd take him to the eye doctor and they'd hold up the chart and ask him what letters and numbers and he doesn't know the letters and numbers anyway, Oh wow. So then they would hold up you know, stuffed animals or bears or fingers and try to figure out what he could see. And fast forward to today. You take Bradley to the eye doctor. They put his eyes in the little machine. It wears and spins and spits out his prescription, and all of a sudden he gets glasses and he can see things. He can still only read about one hundred words, you know, but he doesn't trip and fall as much. And we realize all of this time he couldn't see. And that's just one example. Think about all the times that they have, you know, something that hurts, or an injury, or a flu or something, can't communicate it.

Ben has had that. Ben actually had a tooth that the dentist said must have been like would have put you and me in the hospital in pain. And Ben wasn't eating. Well, let me tell you something. Ben's a big boy. He likes food. And Ben ain't eating. Something's wrong. Everybody thought it was his stomach. Is this is that? And going behold he's got a tooth that's about to come out of his head. And he couldn't communicate it. He just said, it hurts back here, We'll be right back. So you marrying full well, knowing what you're marrying into. You got Bob and the crew and you know, I guess you're thinking about a lot about what we're talking about is Bradley and Ben and many people like him across the face the planet do become twenty and thirty and forty and fifty and what happens to him? And candidly, what can they do? Because they also want to feel a sense of fulfillment And you're struggling with what happens with parents and all of this, and you are, if I remember the story right, and correct me, But I think I think you find yourself in an odd place because there's there's parents your age who have really young kids at Special Olympics, and there's parents your husband age who have kids the age of Bradley's Special Olympics. And you're kind of a tween er in parent with a Bradley at this age, and you're hearing conversations and share those conversations with us and what you decided to do about it.

Yeah, I think that's that's a great memory that you have. Yes, I so initially, you know, becoming part of this family. I never thought that my entire life would change, and that Bradley's life.

That was a twenty four year old baker, right, you didn't think married Bob the restaurant stalker with twins and a special will need sun your life wasn't going to change. You were twenty four after all.

Yeah, I you know, I thought, I have a career. He has a career. We've got these twins. You know, they're going to go to high school. It wasn't that long since I had gone to college. I kind of knew how to do that. My mom had to figure it out, you know, later in life, and so we'd both gone through it, and I thought I can help them, you know, I know how to set them up for college visits and help them figure it out. Of course, I wanted them both to go to University of Texas at Austin, so made sure we took them to football games and did things like that. No, they both went to ut Oh Boy, so that that plan worked. And then and then with Bradley, I just had no idea. I just had no idea what to do. I found out he could go to high school for eight years, so four years like everybody else, but he gets four extra years, which anyway.

That's a Texas thing.

Though, No, it's actually federal, is it?

Thoughto federal it's just a state thing. It's don't states handle it differently? In some states they can't.

But and there's a lot of that individuals. I make it the acronym wrong, but it's ida and it says that people with these disabilities are entitled to a free public education in high school until they turn twenty two. So if you think about it, it's the four years of high school till you're eighteen, and then four additional years. Now, what I have seen happen at local level and schools and states is the pressure from the school to say, but don't you want them to graduate with their class?

Oh? Yeah?

Do you really want to hold them back? Right? I mean they're eighteen, They've struggled enough. Do you really want to hold them back?

Passive? Aggressive?

You know, different people think they're doing the right thing. For our family, that was not the right thing because Bradley, when he went to school, he had pep rallies and football games and best buddies and a school lunch that he could have a meal with people and nurse well. He went to a brand new school that had just been open in our neighborhood and he was the first student to go there and he ended up being the longest serving students, so well, he knew everybody in the school. He could walk the halls and everybody knew him. It was a year or two later when the twins ended up going there to the same school and the twins.

Did he get any of the you know, typical crap.

I know he did, but the twins, I don't know how much he knew. I know that the twins took it really hard, and they each took it differently. I can remember Blair coming home crying. Girl one of her best friends. She wouldn't come over to our house because she was, you know, scared of Bradley or or just didn't feel comfortable around Bradley.

And you know that comes from parents oftentimes.

I mean, I don't know where it came from, but you know, Blair ended up not being friends and this was one of her best friend and she felt like she couldn't even remain friends with this girl, and it really hurt Blair.

Unfortunately, that is the reality right of this.

You know, I think Brent had a hard time with you know, this is his big brother, but they were both involved with different things in school, and Bradley learned that anytime he met somebody, if he said I'm Blair and Brent's big brother, people would go oh, and all of a sudden, they'd react to him in a more positive way because they probably knew Brent or Blair, or knew that there were twins right in the school. And so he'd say, I'm Blair and Brent's big brother. And the funny thing is, you know, brit and Blair are married now, they live on their own, and Bradley will still if you were here today, he'd come up to you and say, I'm Blair Brent's big brother. And so many times I have to tell him, you know, they don't know Blair and Brent, and that's happen himself. He's very, very proud of that. But you know, I tried to figure out what Bradley's life would be. I didn't know. Does he go to college, does he live on his own, does he live with us? Does he get a job the dreaded?

Does he have to go to a state home?

Right? I mean what?

Because that's the reality Also.

For some I had no experience with anyone like Bradley. I had no education. I wasn't a teacher. I wasn't a medical person. I didn't know anything. I knew nothing about Bradley, and so I just set out on this journey of discovery, really and I started just doing the things that moms do, right. We went to Blair's plays at school. We went to Brent's tennis games. We went to Bradley's special Olympics you know.

And which, by the way, for those out there who have never been to a special Olympics basketball game, bowling match, or track meet or swim meet, those are the four I think I've done. Am I missing one well, swim did.

Track and field, and Bradley did Botchi.

Ball, basketball, track and field, swimming, and bowling are the ones that I've been to with and for Ben. And they are hilarious. Oh do you talk about getting after it?

They're so great and it's such a great experience. And you know, when you think about that concept, I mean, learning a sport, especially team sport, is pretty hard. You know, kids spend years learning how to play basketball and what the positions are. And when you go out there and you see that these people with these disabilities are able to really play basketball ouction, I mean they're not going to have the same athletic ability as someone without a discision that.

They play and the ones I've been to, their competitive is crap. I mean they get after it. I mean they really play hard, and it's fun to watch because they're competing and having a really good time doing it, most of them.

One of the things that struck me watching that is if we can teach them pretty complicated sports over a period of years, why couldn't we teach them other things like jobs, you know, things that people say, well, they could never do that. Well, before I met Bradley, if you had said he could learn how to play basketball, I think I would have said, I don't think so. You know, I don't even think he could keep score at a basketball game. He can't count that high right right? But you put him in special Olympics. They have a plan, they have coaches, they're volunteers. They go through it, and they do it through you know, middle school and high school, and they stay in high school for eight years and they can really play basketball and a.

Lot of track and relay and pass a baton, and they can do swim in more than one stroke, and they can bowl and all of it, which before Ben I would not have recognized or known it, but.

They can and because of special enjoy it, right, because of Special Olympics. I think a lot of people now do just accept, well, of course they can play sports, because we've all heard of Special Olympics. Yeah, so you just accept they can do that. Well, what if we spent the same amount of time and energy and organization in years teaching them other things, you know, teaching them a skill, teaching them a vocation, teaching them how to be independent? Could they learn those things too? Right? Why isn't there a Special Olympics of jobs, for example?

Well, so what did you do about it?

Well, so in two thousand and five, I guess it was, Well, actually it was in two thousand and two. My husband and I decided to start a nonprofit organization to help people like Bradley. We file the paperwork just in our house for a five oh one C three. That was in May of two thousand and two.

It took a year.

Right at that time, we really didn't think it would become anything. I think what I thought was Bradley's going to get out of high school and doesn't make any sense in our family for Bob to quit working and watch him. So probably I'm gonna leave my career and be in charge of Bradley. And I'd been out on those Special Olympic sidelines with the kids Bradley's age that were in high school and the parents that were Bob's age, and I would say, you know, what are you guys going to do? They're going to graduate, right, They'd say, oh, well, I'm probably about to retire, and and it just it didn't connect with me, right, And you're right, the ones.

That were my age explain why they're going to retire.

Right, because somebody has to be in charge of this process.

That's the reality a lot of people don't understand is if you're a single parent with a childlike Bradley or Ben, and they're through with all the state schooling that it offers at twenty two or twenty three years old, you may be forced with a decision to quit and go on soci security and welfare versus have a gamefully employed job because you don't have any other options. It's a real thing.

I'm so glad you understand that, because that is exactly what happens, and people don't know that. So I would be on the sidelines of special Olympics and the parents that were my age with the little kids, they're all sitting there saying, what are we going to do?

Yeah, but that's not a reality for them. They've got time.

No, they're worried about getting another group, you know, a SETI group or or you know, yeah or something like that. And they're energetic and they're wanting to, you know, do something. And I'm energetic and I'm wanting to do something. But the parents of the adults, right, they've been doing this for twenty years.

Yeah, at forty six, forty seven. The truth is, look.

Let me and reality sets it.

I want to make sure because the candor is, children like Ben and Bradley, the effort can be burdensome, but they are not a burden. They are a blessing. And I believe there's a special place in heaven for parents and caretakers of people like Bradley and Ben. And I am not saying that they themselves are a burden. But the truth is, twenty years of caring for folks like that will wear you out. It we exhausting, and there is no such thing as a break. And you can't get a and try getting a babysitter for Bradley, no good luck.

Try getting a babysitter for a thirty or forty year old, right person, all of these challenges and behaviors that you can afford, you know, and even if you could find somebody. And that's the thing. It's not that they're a burden, you're right. It's that our society, our world isn't set up for them at all.

But it is a fact that the work is hard, it's burdensome, it is. So I just want to make the distinction as we talk about this through we're not identifying the human being as a burden, but the work itself is hard. And so when you're forty six or forty so I get it. The twenty eight year old with a five or six year old special needs person is thinking about playday, saving that the forty six forty seven year old when the school's running out, they're kind of Many of those folks are at the end of options really, and some literally do have to quit their jobs.

Absolutely they do. And so when we started our five oh one C three, what was going through my mind was Okay, and my family, I'm going to do this. I'm gonna leave my career, take care of Bradley.

And the irony of this is you're actually the age of most of the parents with five year olds, right, but you're in the place of the parents with the eight with the twenty two year olds, which is a good place for you to be.

And I thought, Okay, there's these single moms that I see, you know, every other week out at special Olympics. I'll take their kids too, because it didn't make any sense to me that they would have to quit their jobs, right, So I thought to myself, you know, we'll get four or five or six of them, and I'll come up with activities. It was very loose idea, like maybe we'll go to the zoo one day, or maybe we'll you know, cut of. I don't know what I thought. Maybe I thought I'd have a little school in my house. I don't know what I thought. It was a very loose place.

It's just do something.

It was like, do something, right, because I.

Should anybody invite you to this? No? Did anybody ordain you? No, you are a normal gal from East Texas, married the stalker and inherited his children and saw a need. There's normal as they come, just a gal that grew up normal, got married, went to college, have a job, and you see a need.

I feel that anybody does these things for their kids, and this was the position I was in. It was the most logical, normal thing to do is take care of your kid and so so so. Yeah, so that was how the ideas started.

We'll be right back.

Over the next couple of year years. Two thousand and three, two thousand and four. You know, Bradley still in high school at that time, and I really just started talking to other people about, well, what would you guys want to do, talking to teachers, what's what is out there after high school?

And talking to other parents with kids.

Bradley's exactly talking to other parents, talking to the teachers, talking to other organizations, looking to see what else was out there in the community. And there were a lot of programs in the Houston area that were about I sort of they're beautiful programs and they're they're great. I mean some of these programs I personally would want to be a part of. Bradley wasn't interested in them. He didn't want to paint pottery all day long, right.

Right.

A lot of these really great programs were started by moms or grandma's or you know whoever.

It was well intentioned people trying to find something for him to do. But here's another news flash. Just because their special needs doesn't mean.

They wanted to ard the.

Right box. They are human beings with interest and lack of interest, and unfortunately we seemed to lump every special needs into a category of their all spec Well, no, they're human beings like all of us that have all kinds of different interests exactly.

And in our family, everybody worked. Bob worked, I worked. The twins had jobs every summer. They worked at the mall, or they worked, you know, as lifeguards, or did a number of different jobs. And Bradley saw all of us working and he wanted to work. He wanted to be like us, and he would say, I want to get a job. And we tried, you know, we took him and helped him fill out applications. That was a terrible experience.

I bet it was. Tell me it was. People had to look at you like you were nuts. Yeah, yeah, you want me to hire right this guy? What can he do?

And I finally understood when you know, Bob being in the restaurant business, we thought, okay, well, we'll use some of our connections to get Bradley a job. We knew some people who owned some fast food chains and we thought that could be really great for Bradley and Bob.

You know.

Put me in touch with a couple of the guys and I would go talk to them, and finally one of them said to me.

Hold, hold, I got one guess. I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I'm thinking as a business guy right now, yep, liability.

Liability is a big one, right, we have to be, would have to be. But the other one, and this is the one that really really hit home for me, because liability, I mean, you have insurance, use workers comp there's a lot of things. Bradley takes medications.

Right, we're but what if it has a seizure over a friar?

Right? But but you can work around those things to exper and if you.

Have a really really kind and manager slash owner who wants to work with you.

Yes, you could work around those things. To me, I thought, I understand that, but I feel like we could work around that. I feel like people throw up liability because it is valid, but also because it's just a way of saying I can't do it, that's all. And then one of these individuals said to me, you know, Jane, it doesn't matter if I want to do it. I'm the owner and I tell my people to do it. Right. It comes down to who is that manager at that particular location, and.

Do they want to work with them?

And what is that experience going to be like? And you're telling me that I'm going to tell that manager to hire someone with no work experience, right, and a disability. And I've got seventeen year old kids beating down my door that have already had three or four jobs, right, that are going to be frankly more productive, and even if they were fired at their last job, they come in and say, you know, I learned my lesson. I'll wear the right place shirt, I'll wash my clothes or whatever it is.

The answers you found out getting him a job was a dead end.

Right, And what I also learned was, Okay, let's fix that. Love it right, If he doesn't have any job experience, how can we get him some job experience. If that's the problem, we should be able to fix that. So that's sort of is a little bit of a genesis of how the idea for what eventually became the HEART Program.

Got Started, which is an acronym for.

Housing, Entrepreneurship and Readiness training.

All right, since we're into language, we're going to take a mini break. Sure, And it was pointed out to me by Alex, the pain in the producer. Alex rightly pointed out, and I think it's a good chance while we're talking about language and a good intermission before we get into the meat of your organization talk about I think there are a lot of people who use words the wrong way because they're just jerks. There's another lot of people who really want to say the right thing, and then there's another segment who want to say the right thing but are really put off by like way too political correct wokeness. I think there's kind of a spectrum of people as it comes to language. I'm the middle person. I don't want to be a jerk, but I'm also not really into the big political correctness thing. I mean, I think there was a time in our nation's history where we needed to get politically correct with our language because it was wrong. I think the pendulum swung and it's gotten just out of control in some respects. But when referring to what I am calling children who have downs or special needs children or challenged or whatever. Even after thirty years of Ben and being an advocate for him being in love with his sister and his sister having been a sort of Lisa has been amazing with her brother, takes some shopping, takes him everywhere. He can't wait to get home and see Lisa. Where's my sister? I mean, but even after thirty years of that, I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to say. So before we get to heart, since we're talking about language and acronyms, sure, what the hell are we supposed to call? Ben and Bradley? Would you help me with that? Well? Do you do? You know?

What? Right?

I mean?

Look, language is always evolving, and I will tell you what I think we're supposed to say, but I say it knowing that there's probably someone listening who would correct me. Right, it's always changing. But the movement right now is to put the person first. And so so we don't want to refer to people as blind, right or visually impaired, because that.

Goes well, well, that's funny, because visual impaired was the improvement.

To blind right, and it is, and it is, it can be. But the idea is, if you say he's blind or she's blind, he's visually impaired, she's visually appaired, you're putting the disability first instead of the person. So it's this idea that we're supposed to say, he's a person who has with a visual impairment. Right, he's he's a young man who has Down syndrome. He's a person within guy.

So Ben is a person with special needs or.

Yes, and he's a person. It sounds like with Down syndrome if you want to share the diagnosis. Some people get particular about sharing a medical diagnosis and hippa and all that kind of worship.

It's person first language.

It's person first.

I don't think that's overly ridiculously woky or any of that.

It's not. But it gets wordy and complicated, which is why I think a lot of times we shorten it to say special needs. You know, in the case of Bradley, what would I say? I would say he's a person with an intellectual and developmental disability what they call IDD for short, So he's a person with ided. But the vast majority of people that I meet, what does that mean?

Right?

If the vast majority of people, I mean, if I say, oh, Bradley has IDD, he's a person with IDD, they have no idea what I just said. And even if I say he's a person with an intellectual or developmental disability, they might just say, oh, okay, and they might have some vague idea about what that is. If somebody really genuinely wants to know more about it, and I'll say, you know, he's a person with an intellectual developmental disability, they'll say, but what you know? Tell me more? Tell me more, you know what, Tell me more about Bradley, just like you did in this podcast, right in this conversation. Tell me more about Bradley, tell me more about his experience, because, as you said, someone with special needs or challenges is different from anyone else who has special needs or challenges. Even though society into one classroom it is and thinks they all want to play sports.

Lord have Mercy has a mixed bag. And he had learned that in a big, big way. I watched a kid in a wheelchair whose father the kid was. I assume it was cerebral Polsey. You can help me here. He had a wheelchair that he could move with his shoulders because his hands were drawn he was fisted and drawn up. And so we're his feet and he was really skinny, and his knees sat to the side and his feet sat to the other way. And he had like one of those wheelchairs with the pads on the side in the rear, so it was kind of like a head support. And he showed up at Special Olympics bowling and I thought, oh, okay, this is going to be interesting. And his mother pushes him in. His mother and father push him in. I watched the whole time. I can't wait to see what this is going to look like. And then his father leaves and comes back. And his father had built a wooden ramp that rested on the ground and then on the arms of his wheelchair, and then had a platform at his chin, and they would put the bowling ball in his chin, and he would nudge the ball with his chin and roll down the ramp and go bowling. And then let's say he knocked over all but three pins, he would ratchet around his wheelchair to line up with those three pins and nudge that ball to get down and try to hit the other three pins. The kid was bowling, and I just will never forget thinking about how much heart that kid that had to have exhausted him, frankly, and what the parents did to get him to do something. And all I'm saying is is that these kids are not one size for it all. There are so many different things and challenges. I mean, Ben is really how functioning. He dresses himself, he shades himself and all that, and so, you know, I think about the challenges with Ben, and then I think about what those parents had with that young man. Yet he was bowling with his chin, and so there's two things for that. It's not one size fisile. And next time you wake up in the morning fully abled and are pissed off at something, try to think about that story and look in the mirror and straighten up, because you ain't got it bad.

I completely agree. And what about that dad?

What an amazing viol.

How amazing And I think you probably see this with Ben and I see it with Bradley. How many parents are just incredible.

Like I said earlier, and I mean it, there's a special place in having for people that care for people with special needs.

And we all know about you know, the dance moms and the PTA moms.

Yeah, but we don't know.

About these football boosters and all of these things. And the parents of our guys right like, they're amazing too.

And that concludes Part one of my conversation with Jane Borkoff, and Part two is now available, which dives much deeper into her extraordinary nonprofit, the Heart Program, And I'm telling you, guys, you don't want to miss it. I'll see you in Part two.