The deepest wounds aren’t always physical. 

Cliff Bauman was stationed near the Pentagon on September 11, 2001, and was among those who raced into the smoke and fire to help in the aftermath of the attacks. But while the country began to rebuild, Cliff’s inner world began to unravel. Haunted by what he’d seen—and what he couldn’t forget—he carried trauma silently, spiraling into guilt, depression, and isolation.

This powerful episode of Alive Again explores how reminders of 9/11 became emotional landmines: from anniversary headlines to sleepless nights and heavy drinking. Cliff opens up about the burden of hiding his pain, and the suicide attempt that nearly ended his life. 

Today, Cliff wears the label of "suicide survivor" with pride—not as a mark of shame, but as a badge of courage. His story is a raw and redemptive reminder that vulnerability can be a lifeline, and that choosing to live—even in the face of despair—is its own kind of bravery.

Story producer: Brent Dey

If you are a veteran dealing with depression or suicidal ideation, Cliff encourages you to check out the Veterans Trash Talk podcast for support. We also encourage contacting the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. 

* If you have a transformative near-death experience to share, we’d love to hear your story. Please email us at aliveagainproject@gmail.com