What happens when schools insist your child is fine - but everything in your gut says otherwise?

In this powerful instalment of our school mini-series, Jane is joined again by Millie Carr - teacher, parent, and neurodivergent advocate - to unpack one of the most maddening experiences families face: being gaslit by educators who don’t “see” the struggle.

If you’ve ever been told your child is “fine” at school while managing meltdowns, shutdowns, or burnout at home, this one will hit hard. Jane shares a deeply personal story of leaving a school that refused to acknowledge her daughter’s invisible needs - and Millie breaks down exactly why high-masking kids get overlooked, and what parents can do when they’re dismissed.

Together, they explore:
Why girls and high-masking kids are so often missed
The damaging impact of visible vs invisible disability bias
What to say in IEP meetings when schools won’t listen
Why anxiety is often misdiagnosed when it’s really about unmet needs
How PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) is misunderstood in schools—and what helps instead

This episode will validate your fury, your heartbreak, and your instincts. You’re not imagining it. You’re not overreacting. And you’re not alone.

Listen If:
You’ve been told “we don’t see it” and felt dismissed
Your child is different at school than at home—and no one believes you
You’re exhausted from advocating and need to feel seen
You want practical strategies for navigating resistant schools

Need support navigating school chaos?
Making School Work is your go-to advocacy guide for when your neurodivergent child isn’t coping — and the school says they’re fine. Packed with scripts, templates, and clarity for IEPs, school refusal, and shutdowns, it helps you hold your ground in the rooms that matter.
Get it here: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/ 

Other Episodes with Millie Carr
S1 E41: Camouflaging ADHD + Autistic Traits in Girls with Millie Carr | Spotify | Apple Podcast
S3 E2: SCHOOL SERIES When School Becomes the Trauma — What No One Tells ADHD Parents | Spotify | Apple Podcast
S3 E3: SCHOOL SERIES When School Becomes the Trauma — What No One Tells ADHD Parents | Spotify | Apple Podcast

Episode on PDA:

S2E30: Could it be PDA? Exploring the signs and why it’s different from ODD with Prof Tony Attwood and Dr Michelle Garnett | Spotify | Apple Podcast

🔗 Resources & Links:


🔗 Sign our Change Petition here

🎧Listener Questions please sendhere

🔗 Submit your experience with schooling here

🔗 ADHD Mums Free Guides and Resources here

📚 References & Further Reading


Disability Standards for Education 2005
Read via the Department of Education – Australian Government


Disability Discrimination Act 1992
View the full legislation on the Federal Register
Disability & Education Laws Referenced (Qld Human Rights Act, DSE 2005, UN CRPD)
👩‍⚖️ Human Rights Commission: humanrights.gov.au

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me onInstagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube

LEAVE A REVIEW:

Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together.

COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at assistant@adhdmums.com.au.

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

Topics Covered In This Episode: 

Invisible disabilities, ADHD girls, autism masking, high masking, school gaslighting, inclusion in education, IEP meetings, neurodiversity in schools, Pathological Demand Avoidance, PDA strategies, school refusal, trauma-informed schools, advocating for neurodivergent kids, ADHD parenting, neurodivergent burnout, federal disability education law, ADHD girls dismissed, reasonable adjustments school, ADHD Mums podcast

What happens when schools insist your child is fine - but everything in your gut says otherwise?
In this powerful instalment of our school mini-series, Jane is joined again by Millie Carr - teacher, parent, and neurodivergent advocate - to unpack one of the most maddening experiences families face: being gaslit by educators who don&rsquo;t &ldquo;see&rdquo; the struggle.
If you&rsquo;ve ever been told your child is &ldquo;fine&rdquo; at school while managing meltdowns, shutdowns, or burnout at home, this one will hit hard. Jane shares a deeply personal story of leaving a school that refused to acknowledge her daughter&rsquo;s invisible needs - and Millie breaks down exactly why high-masking kids get overlooked, and what parents can do when they&rsquo;re dismissed.
Together, they explore:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why girls and high-masking kids are so often missed</li>
<li aria-level="1">The damaging impact of visible vs invisible disability bias</li>
<li aria-level="1">What to say in IEP meetings when schools won&rsquo;t listen</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why anxiety is often misdiagnosed when it&rsquo;s really about unmet needs</li>
<li aria-level="1">How PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) is misunderstood in schools&mdash;and what helps instead</li>
</ul>
This episode will validate your fury, your heartbreak, and your instincts. You&rsquo;re not imagining it. You&rsquo;re not overreacting. And you&rsquo;re not alone.
Listen If:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">You&rsquo;ve been told &ldquo;we don&rsquo;t see it&rdquo; and felt dismissed</li>
<li aria-level="1">Your child is different at school than at home&mdash;and no one believes you</li>
<li aria-level="1">You&rsquo;re exhausted from advocating and need to feel seen</li>
<li aria-level="1">You want practical strategies for navigating resistant schools</li>
</ul>
Need support navigating school chaos? Making School Work is your go-to advocacy guide for when your neurodivergent child isn&rsquo;t coping &mdash; and the school says they&rsquo;re fine. Packed with scripts, templates, and clarity for IEPs, school refusal, and shutdowns, it helps you hold your ground in the rooms that matter. Get it here: <a href="https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/">https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/</a>&nbsp;
Other Episodes with Millie Carr
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">S1 E41: Camouflaging ADHD + Autistic Traits in Girls with Millie Carr | <a href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/4bSNYX0Lpo315VB3ueVltS?si=lQcC9IDrR--zN9XuO0WkDg">Spotify</a> | <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/camouflaging-adhd-autistic-traits-in-girls-with-millie/id1686843092?i=1000681677159">Apple Podcast</a></li>
<li aria-level="1">S3 E2: SCHOOL SERIES When School Becomes the Trauma &mdash; What No One Tells ADHD Parents | <a href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/56TbhkRWhFJ0TZPsU6Z29k?si=OCdwy2Y5TjuWXcpwDWyS2g">Spotify</a> | <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/adhd-mums/id1686843092?i=1000708412804">Apple Podcast</a></li>
<li aria-level="1">S3 E3: SCHOOL SERIES When School Becomes the Trauma &mdash; What No One Tells ADHD Parents | <a href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/56TbhkRWhFJ0TZPsU6Z29k?si=e0t3qgDDQdqJ6p_g6VM6-Q">Spotify</a> | <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/2-school-series-burnout-starts-in-the-classroom/id1686843092?i=1000708412804">Apple Podcast</a></li>
</ul>
Episode on PDA:
S2E30: Could it be PDA? Exploring the signs and why it&rsquo;s different from ODD with Prof Tony Attwood and Dr Michelle Garnett | <a href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/2mwmiQimS3FPKlt6IjSVpZ?si=LlNdhiyHSQOgofcd355Iqg">Spotify</a> | <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/30-could-it-be-pda-exploring-the-signs-and-why/id1686843092?i=1000670462054">Apple Podcast</a>
🔗 Resources &amp; Links:<a href="https://www.education.gov.au/disability-standards-education-2005"></a>
<ul>
<li>
🔗 Sign our Change Petition <a href="https://www.change.org/p/our-schools-are-in-crisis-why-are-we-still-ignoring-inclusive-education">here</a>
🎧 Listener Questions please send <a href="https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864">here</a>
🔗 Submit your experience with schooling <a href="https://form.jotform.com/251417656959875">here</a>
🔗 ADHD Mums Free Guides and Resources&nbsp;<a href="https://www.adhdmums.com.au">here</a>
📚 References &amp; Further Reading
<ul data-start="341" data-end="669">
<li data-start="341" data-end="519">
Disability Standards for Education 2005 <a href="https://www.education.gov.au/disability-standards-education-2005" data-start="391" data-end="519">Read via the Department of Education &ndash; Australian Government</a>
</li>
<li data-start="521" data-end="669">
Disability Discrimination Act 1992 <a href="https://www.legislation.gov.au/Details/C2022C00356" data-start="566" data-end="669">View the full legislation on the Federal Register</a>
</li>
</ul>
</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.education.gov.au/disability-standards-education-2005">Disability &amp; Education Laws Referenced (Qld Human Rights Act, DSE 2005, UN CRPD)</a></li>
<li aria-level="1">👩&zwj;⚖️ Human Rights Commission:<a href="https://humanrights.gov.au"> humanrights.gov.au</a></li>
</ul>
JOIN THE COMMUNITY:
Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group&nbsp;<a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast">here</a>&nbsp;and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!
FOLLOW FOR MORE:
Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/adhd_mums">Instagram</a>, <a href="https://facebook.com/100091850469503/">Facebook</a>, <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdmumsaus">TikTok</a> or <a href="https://youtube.com/channel/UCB0uYIHpFKFo6AdhQQaBr1w">YouTube</a>
LEAVE A REVIEW:
Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let&rsquo;s spread the word and make a difference together.
COLLABS:
For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at assistant@adhdmums.com.au.
MORE RESOURCES:
Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests&nbsp;<a href="https://adhdmums.com.au/self-tests/">here</a>.
Topics Covered In This Episode:&nbsp;
Invisible disabilities, ADHD girls, autism masking, high masking, school gaslighting, inclusion in education, IEP meetings, neurodiversity in schools, Pathological Demand Avoidance, PDA strategies, school refusal, trauma-informed schools, advocating for neurodivergent kids, ADHD parenting, neurodivergent burnout, federal disability education law, ADHD girls dismissed, reasonable adjustments school, ADHD Mums podcast

Welcome to The ADHD MUMS Podcast, a lifeline for Australian mums navigating ADHD and motherhood. Perfect for struggling, burnt out mums who want to drop perfectionism.