I met this week’s guest whilst filming an episode of Ari Shaffir’s This is Not Happening. He immediately stood out as a great storyteller and overall good human being by the name of Gastor Almonte. He co-hosts a great podcast called The War Report (with 5 Words alum Shalewe Sharpe from episode ). We really chow down on some conversation here, and I believe we lay the foundation for our own religion—one where no one ever dies unless they’re an asshole. It’s a great episode, and here are five words to describe it: just buy a fucking house.