He became so famous for being mean that his surname became an insult, Lost love long before he lost sleep, Then spent one night being shown exactly what loneliness would cost him.

He treated festive cheer like an unauthorised expense, Ran emotional austerity measures stricter than any treasury, Then suffered the most aggressive overnight rebrand in Victorian history.

He counted coins so carefully he nearly miscounted his own life, Then three impossible visitors audited the books he kept on everyone else, And by morning, generosity had somehow become his most profitable investment.